This writing is well-researched, but I suggest the following to correct:
1) "The effect of the Australian climate on the Wine Industry of Australia is huge, Australian wines wouldn’t be the same if the climate changed." This is a run-on sentence; either use a semicolon between "huge" and "Australian" in place of the comma or use a word such as "Although the effect of the Australian climate..." Also, since is a formal report, contractions such as "wouldn't" should not be used. Instead, please write out "would not."
2) "The Australian Wine industry began when grape vines where bought to Australia with the first European settlers in 1788 and initially they were only produced on the Eastern coast of Australia." It should be "were" not "where."
3) "The Wine industry of Australia at that point was only domestic, in fact only the rich governors and officers were allowed to grow them in their yard, but this changed when John Macarthur established the first commercial vineyard of Australia in the early 1800s, south of Sydney." This is a run-on sentence; I suggest a semicolon between "domestic" and "in" to substitute for the comma.
4) "The red wines are made from well ripened red grapes of many varying varieties, the full-bodied red wine is usually made from grapes that are grown in warmer climates where as the more delicate and lighter rid wines are produced in the colder climates of Australia, there are many red wines that are produced in Australia, such as; Barbera-warm temperatures, Cabernet Franc-warm temperatures, Cabernet Sauvignon-medium to cool temperatures, Grenache-warm temperatures, Merlot-warm temperatures, Mourvedre-medium to cool temperatures, Pink or rose wines-various, Pinot Noir-cool temperatures, Sangiovese-medium to cool temperature, Shiraz-varies, Tempranillo-warm temperatures and Zinfandel-warm temperatures."
a) "Varying varieties" is redundant; saying "various types" or "various kinds" sounds better.
b) Also, this sentence should be split into three sentences, with a period after "varying varieties" (see correction "a") and a period after "climates of Australia." Also, please capitalize "the" and "there" after using the periods as suggested.
c) A colon should be used in place of the semicolon after "there are many red wines that are produced in Australia, such as" since you have a list of items afterward.
5) "As the US continues to be Australia’s top importer the main problem is that the strong Australian dollar is causing the prices to fall and thus the profits are falling(16), however, The Australian Wine Industry, along with its associate companies are creating a strategy to manage and market the wine to the full capacity to lift the prices once more." This is a run-on sentence; please use a period before "however" in place of the comma.
Good luck and write on! |
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