There are some really nice elements to this piece, but also a few things that I think may need a little tweaking.
While most of your rhymes work well (I particularly enjoyed the spirits/fear it), there are a few places where you've put too many syllables in a line, so it throws off the rhythm that you're trying to create- this is most noticeable in lines 1 and 3, but pops up again towards the end as well. I would suggest reading the poem out loud to yourself, which might help your ear catch some of the places where the meter is off. Also, I found it odd that you started your sestet with two non-rhyming lines, then followed it with rhymes in lines 12 and 13; not necessarily saying this is bad, just pointing out an inconsistency.
The subject matter, I'm not sure how to comment on, as I get the sense that it's a religious metaphor which I don't feel I understand (which is totally fine- not every reader has to understand every poem). What bothers me, though, is that I couldn't tell who the "we" you refer to is meant to represent- the way the poem is structured indicates that it signifies the (possibly metonymic?) souls around you, but it wasn't clear how they relate to the journey you find yourself on.
All told, a good effort- keep at it, and you could have something rather special.