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1,392 Public Reviews Given
2,269 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
In depth, detailed, and honest. I always point out the things I enjoyed most about an item, highlighting the strengths along with any weaknesses or glitches I might find. To me, it's important to let a writer know how something made you feel and what reactions you had when reading, not just the technical aspects.
I'm good at...
Characterization, punctuation, plot, and grammar.
Favorite Genres
Anything dark and angsty. Horror, erotica, dark dramas are usually my favorites.
Least Favorite Genres
Westerns, Sci-Fi, and comedy.
I will not review...
Poetry and non-fiction. I read these for pleasure alone. I don't know enough about the technicalities to give a decent or useful review. Any comments I send are always just based on my personal reactions as a reader.
Public Reviews
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51
51
Review of Prologue  
Review by Adriana Noir
Rated: E | (3.5)
Ello, Circe! *Smile* I came across your story while searching the site and thought I would stop by and let you know what I thought.

The story started off on a powerful note. I loved Gabriel's thoughts on humans and his fascination with them. I've often thought about the gaps between God's two most favored creations and wondered what they thought of us...if they were as curious about us and our motivations as we are them. Here, you made him curious and quite likeable. *smiles* Then again, Gabriel was always my favorite Arc.

It was interesting watching him try to interact with one of his charges. We all know that voice you speak of, and it does seem this could be a likely source. However, one small twist and his attempts to guide her suddenly turn tragic. She dies, and Gabriel is bereft.

You have an interesting plot premise here...however, I couldn't help but want more. Things felt very rushed. Too rushed for me to even get a good feel of Gabriel here and what makes him tick. I know it's easy to do, and we are often bursting at the seams, eager to get the sotry out and "get to the good parts." Unfortunately, when we give into that urge, it shows and the reader misses out on huge parts of the experience. I thought perhaps a bit more embellishment on his days of watching this woman....what other sorts of things she did....what he saw that made him believe her so good would help us empathize and relate. Afterall, it must have been something huge to get him to go against his creator and question His will. Also, during that scene a bit more arguing or provocation would make things more tense and eaiser to believe. I find it hard to see why after only two questions, he would be expelled and banished.

I love what you have, but don't be afriad to delve more into the emotions and actions. Explore them, feel and convey them and give your reader the chance to do the same.

~Best wishes and happy writing!~
Adriana *Moon*
52
52
Review by Adriana Noir
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Wow. Very interesting poll you have here, SM! The question posed is very straight and to the point, and you give a broad scope of answers so that anyone taking this will find an answer close to theirs. I have to admit, the results of this are a bit shocking! I'm not surprised at all by the leading answer, but the ones that follow do make one wonder the hows and whys behind the answer. I'm glad to see those are in the vast minority though!

At any rate, thank you for sharing and for giving us another opportunity to send in some feedback. As for me, WDC has been and always will be my home away from home. *Thumbsup*

~Best wishes always!~
Adriana
53
53
Review of To Silence a Love  
Review by Adriana Noir
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
My Initial impressions of "To Silence a Love I just love your work, Fairport. You always develop these fascinating characters in strange circumstances! Plot, character, and setting are all explored fully in your tales, and this one was no different! You also have a distinct style and voice that always graces your work, no matter what the genre. It's decriptive and clear, lending just enough mood to the piece. Well done!

This goes beyond the usual nagging wife drives husband insane story. (Are us females really that bad? *Laugh* James has an unhealthy attachment to a set of wind chimes his grandfather gave him. He believes these special chimes hold the ability to keep his fear and emptiness away. However, his wife believes they sing the devil's song and James is bewitched. Here in lies the conflict...and as most of us knows, in relationship arguments, someone always ends up losing!

I can really understand his attachment to the sea. This made me like him. All the way up until I realized why those chimes were clanging so hard and what it was exactly James was waiting on. *Shock* Talk about playing on someone's worst fears. I can't imagine Martha's horror, and I'm almost glad you didn't explore that aspect. I think James, though a bit crazed, was the safer head to be in! *laughs*

*Idea*Questions and Suggestions:*Idea*
~ The wind currents on the propertie's north side
Did you mean property's?

~ Now, in the songs place, a hell-bent clatter bellowed
song's place

~ There were moments - sometimes creeping into minutes,
Moments and minutes reflect each other too closely for this to make much sense. Is there another word you could choose here to avoid repetition?

~ One particular notion loomed in James’ brain with uncanny patients.
I think you may have meant patience. *Wink*

~ Martha became convinced that James' beloved chimes were fashioned and deliver from hell itself.
I'm not sure, but I believe the saying is fashioned and delivered.

~ The sky was cast in magical silver, as a light, cold rain began to fall toward an earthly beckon
Did you mean beacon?


Parting Thoughts: Great plot, pacing, development and style. The tiny technical aspects listed above were the only flaws I noticed. This was a great read and a thrilling ride. Oh yes how wily all things Celtic can be. *Bigsmile* Yes, that was green pride shining through. gloating, f you will! Thanks for sharing and best of luck to you in the Sinister Stories contest!
~Best wishes and happy writing!~ *Moon*
Adriana

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54
54
Review of Noah's Ark  
Review by Adriana Noir
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Ello Shannon! *Smile* Congratulations on your first place win in the Short Shots contest this month! After reading, "Noah's Ark, I can certainly say it's a deserving win. Then again, all your stories are amazing!

Initial Impressions: Bring your kleenex. This story is a real tear-jerker, playing deeply on the emotions, and the deepest fear of every parent. *Cry* I think you did an amazing job with the prompt here, for when I was reading, I could see the picture in my head very well. Noah's Ark is a story of profound loss and the guilt left behind in its wake. It's the story of a mother struggling to pick up the pieces after her entire world shatters. Very well penned tale.

The characters: Though we never get to meet him, Noah plays a major role in this story. After his death, his mother falls apart, as most of us would. She sees a psychiatrist, but refuses to let go of her guilt. Most of the story takes places through her eyes as she views the world and fights herself in a series of gut-wrenching internal monolouges. This really makes the story hit home, because it could so easily be any of us, and you can't help but feel her pain.

Setting/Plot: For a brief moment, we are on a dry creek bed...we catch glimpses of the house...the scenery, when shown, is given in detail. It fit the plot and mood very well.

The plot, as mentioned above, centers around a mother who feels responsible for her son's death and her struggle to come to terms with this. It's a moving story and I felt you covered all aspects incredibly well. Things move at a perfect pace, neither to fast, nor too slow, but just enough to encompass your reader.

Style & Voice: I think this is why I love your work so much. You have a very emotional style that lets the reader feel the story through the character. Your stories always have a ton of heart. Your wording isn't superfulous or flowery, but it's descriptive and just right.

The voice and tone here is somber and grief-ridden, but you throw in some beautiful phrases and words.

*Star*Favorite Part:*Star* Oh my God, Shannon...you really had me here: the end scene where she is on the creek bed and spies the child's toy. Guh...like the proverbial flood, the tears started coming. I also like the way you refer to mother nature. *Laugh* There are days she could use a Midol or two!

*Idea*Suggestions for Improvement:*Idea* Not a thing. It's rare that I say that, but I thought this was perfect as is!

Parting Thoughts: Another wonderful tale! Perhaps you will pull all of them together in an anthology. It would make things so much eaiser for the rest of us. *laughs* In all seriousness though, congratulations! Be sure to let me know when your next story hits the site!
~Best wishes and happy writing!~ *Heart*
Adriana

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My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed.
55
55
Review by Adriana Noir
Rated: 18+
Ello Prof Moriarty! I saw your review request and figured I would try to help as best I could.

My Initial impressions of "The Shell Necklace This was such a beautiful story! It was long, but that really gave you time to develop the characters and scenery. This was rich with culture, educational, and a touching tale of love and longing that touches the heart. I have to admit, the ending was something I did not expect but I thought it a bittersweet and perfect choice!

Something else I found unique was the mystery woven into the plot. With the money owed and the husband missing for most of the tale, one was never really sure what Abena, or her family, was up to! I enjoyed all the twists and turns you took me on with this tale and it was fun to read!

The characters: Wonderful job here. I really have no suggestions. Neil was fully developed as an avid buisiness man who enjoys the fruits of his labors. I found him easy to relate to, and despite his wealth and power, a likeable man. He treats his employees well and his modest upbringing perhaps kept him grounded. He shuns the use of formal titles and even through it is a risk, he shows compassion in giving credits to less fortunate people. (At least in one instance.) I have to say, too, that though it was difficult, I truly respect his decision in the end. It proved him to be a man of strong moral standing and it was a completely selfless act. *Thumbsup*

Abena was, perhaps, the most fascinating. I ran a gambit of questions with her as the story unfolded. I wanted to know what her motives were, what the mysterious and sensaul woman was thinking. I confess to thinking at times that her husband had died, that she had poisoned Rosa...you name it! Abena was very soft-spoken and gentle mannered, and gave off the impression of being well-educated (which we find out happens to be the case) Despite the mystery and questions, much like Neil, I couldn't help but develop a soft spot for her.

I loved that the female lead in this story was strong and intelligent, fully capable of holding her own. That's refreshing to read!

Setting/Plot: The plot moves at an even pace. It's not rused, nor does it take forever to unfold. Perfect pacing. There was romance and longing, yes, but it is also infused with tension and mystery....lots of mystery. I think you cover quite a few genres with this one! No suggestions here.

The story takes place in Africa and you give plenty of rich, cultural details that immerse the reader in the setting. I could see the dusty roads, smell the fragrant fruits, see the people and the farm lands...every base was covered here. The only thing I was left feeling curious about was what the inside of Neils house looked like, since much of the story takes place there. Most people may not wonder, but I found myself curious as to what his kitchen looked like, the countertops, the appliances...though I imagined them lush!

Style & Voice: At times, especially in the beginning, some of the wording was over my head and I have a fairly extensive vocabulary. I couldn't help but wonder if simpler words couldn't have been selected to gain a broader base. Romance is a popular genre with readers of all ages and backgrounds and I worry some of the younger (or even normal) readers will be thrown off by the wording when he discusses his buisness and childhood backgrounds. Just a thought.

Other than that, this had a very clean and easy to read style. Plenty of details are given without bogging the pace down and the prose isn't flowery or purple. There are quite a few lines, especially as the story winds down that I thought to be pure gems! It's a pleasure to read this story and become enveloped in its folds!

*Star*Favorite Part:*Star* There were quite a few things that popped out at me here. One was the dark humor in Neil delighting in Rosa still being too ill to return to work. He knew it was wrong, we knew it was wrong, yet we couldn't help but laugh because the reader understood his reasons. I really liked that touch of human nature, however flawed!

I loved not knowing what Abena was up to, and how you dropped subtle hints that raised those doubts.

Your ending...my God. That was beautifully worded. *Heart* Truly lovely prose there in those last paragraphs.

*Idea*Suggestions for Improvement:*Idea*
*Bullet* Are you off your mind?
Maybe this is a common term elsewhere, but I've usually heard this phrased as "Are you off your rocker?" or "Are you out of your mind?" Off your mind kinda sounded strange to me.

*Bullet* from the cloudless, late- September sky
I don't think there should be a space between hypenated words.
late-September

*Bullet* I wished my parents would see me now.
I've always heard this as 'could see me now.'

*Bullet* Never again shall I heed to my heart,
Heed meant to pay attention to, so heed to is kind of redundant here.
heed my heart

*Bullet* Her elaborate, hairdo captivated me.
The comma causes an awkward pause here.
Her elaborate hairdo

*Bullet* A nonplussed Robert didn't ask any question,
questions

*Bullet* “You see, Robert, I want to watch the cocoa trucks enter when the enter our premises.”
I think you meant enter when they enter our premises."

*Question* The scene transition to where Neil is asking Robert if he met with her was really confusing. I had no idea who he was talking about or why. Nor do I really understand why Robert would be the one tracking her down. Perhaps make some mention of Rosa not showing up for a few days and Neil being concerned but too busy to visit her home before this conversation takes place? It would make the transition smoother.

*Bullet* Thank God, Abena will be there from tomorrow.
from tomorrow sounds awkward
will be there tomorrow.

*Bullet* head and the shell necklace looked like an expensive jewellery around
Here, I would suggest a little rewording. It feels like a word is missing. Also, jewelry is misspelled according to spell check here.
an expensive piece of jewelery OR like expensive jewelry

*Bullet* that when they did their household chores or carried firewood from the forests, but had never seen Abena dress so informally .
informally. An extra space crept in on you there. *Wink*

*Bullet* Accustomed only to her reserved nature, her overwhelming femininity and expressive eyes, bewildered me
I don't think the comma after eyes is needed, as it creates a confusing stop.

*Bullet* “I thought you would come from tomorrow.”
This is hard to understand. How can one come from tomorrow?
start tomorrow or come tomorrow

*Bullet* It meant that she no longer hawked fruits and vegetables outside my office because she would be at my house. Secretly, I took great pride that she spent so much time in my house, cooking for me and taking care of my house.
You use home a lot in these few sentences and it becomes repetitive. Perhaps take one or two out. Th reader will still understand, but it will give you smoother flow.
spent so much time there, cooking for me and caring for my things.

*Bullet* Some evenings, I would get really late in going home.
Wordy, maybe consider trimming.
Some evenings, I would return home late.

*Bullet* Accompanied with my Procurement Officer Dino and my driver Joseph,
Names should be set off with commas.
Procurement Officer, Dino, and my driver, Joseph,

*Bullet* “Hello, sir. Hi, Dino. Hi, Joseph.” He shook our hands. I observed
Missing the period after observed.

*Bullet* “When did you come?” asked Abena
Missing the period after Abena.

*Bullet* I observed George gaze at her with affection , and
There should be no space between affection and the comma here.

*Bullet* I motioned toward a photo on the shelf which showed a young Abena holding books pose with an old white man.
Slightly awkward.
holding books and posed with

*Bullet* “Neil, why don’t you go ahead. You will have a good idea about cocoa. Meanwhile, I will go around and meet the other farmers,”
suggested Dino.
suggested Dino somehow ended up on a different line here. *Wink*

*Bullet* “Why did you lie to me about where you live.”
This is a question and should have a question mark

*Bullet* She raised her face, and to my utter amazement, I saw tears cascading down her
face.
Your words ended up being on seperate lines again here. Gotta love those copy and paste issues that pop up every now and then! *Laugh*

*Bullet* I only hope she knows that her love and the shell necklace would, forever, be my most cherished possessions.
The verb tenses here read awkward to me, though I confess, it could just be me. I think it would read smoother as:
I only hope she knows that her love and the shell necklace will, forever, be my most cherished possessions.
((By the way, what a beautiful line!))


Parting Thoughts: I hope that I have been some help here. Overall, this was a wonderful read that many people would enjoy. The characters are solid, your setting wonderful, and your plot touching. It's an ending full of bittersweet promise, and one your readers won't soon forget. Thank you for sharing.
~Best wishes and happy writing!~ *Heart*
Adriana

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My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed.
56
56
Review of Mark's Terror  
Review by Adriana Noir
Rated: 13+ | (1.5)
Ello Joe Schmoe and welcome to WDC! *Bigsmile* I came across your story in the read a newbie column and had to take a look. I really like the title and description you gave. They jump out and raise a lot of questions, which is what made me want to read it!

My Initial impressions of "Mark's Terror This is a very sad tale about friendship lost. I can't imagine what it must be like to witness such an event first-hand, nor to have it happen so suddenly. You have a good foundation here.

The characters: The story is told from the narrator's standpoint in first-person POV. Not much is known about him, but I'm assuming he's a young man, probably in his late teens. The same goes for Mark, who is the narrator's best friend.

This is where I hit my first hitch as a reader. There's nothing wrong with it as is, per say, but I wanted to know more about these characters, especially Mark.It may sound callous, but it was hard to truly care that he died when I knew little to nothing about him. For example, what kind of friend was he? Was he protective and loyal? Was he a jokster that always made people laugh? Did he have a little sister or brother that idolized him? Was he a party boy? What sort of dreams and ambitions did he have? An artist? A jock? Ivy leauge schools? What sort of things did they share? What had they gone through together or how long had they been friends?

These are just little details that you can infuse in the form of memories or thoughts that will really help the reader bond with these characters and connect. If we know the characters, we can care and feel for them.

Setting/Plot: The tale unravels on the side of a dark road. Not much else is known about the surroundings.

I had a lot of questions here, too. Were they in a country setting with fields around them or woods? Was it an urban or rural setting? What surrounded them? Little details here like smells, sights, and sounds would go a long way to giving your readers a better picture of where they are at.

The plot serves as a solid foundation here. It's a tale about two boys walking home from a party when something goes terribly wrong. I don't see any weaknesses here.

Style & Voice: The author has a very simple style and a clean, concise voice. It's a minimalist style, which happens to be very popular among fiction readers.

*Star*Favorite Part:*Star* I think you used some great shock effect here. The opening was strong, meaning you grab the reader's attention right away. Not many stories start with a dead body lying right there in front of you! Great opening hook. I also think you ended things on a solid note. It evokes a ripple of chills and unease and unsettles the reader, making it hard to just move on and forget about. *Thumbsup* Excellent work here.

*Idea*Suggestions for Improvement:*Idea*
Notes for suggestions made above. I did wonder, shaking knees aside, what else the narrator saw and felt when Mark got hit. Did his heart sink in his chest or feel like it was ripping in two? Did he flashback to all the times they had shared? Did he break out in a cold sweat or feel sick to his stomach? Just some examples of showing the reader and enveloping them, making them feel and see things as your character does.

*Bullet* Here, you say: "I couldn't move but my knees shock."
I think you meant shook. Easy slip of the fingers. *Wink*

Note: These are only my honest opinions as a reader. Feel free to use or ignore them as you wish. You alone are the best judge of what works for you and the work of art you created! *Smile*

Parting Thoughts: This was a good read with a lot of potential. Getting the structure in place is the hardest part. Your plot is solid and a good one at that. Overall, I think you have the foundation laid for a great story, but it needs more fleshing out . . .more meat on the bones, so to speak. This isn't to say the story was bad. Far from! With a little more work and detail, this will be fantastic. Please feel free to let me know if you have any questions, or if you make any revisions, as I would be happy to take a second look and adjust my rating.
~Best wishes and happy writing!~ *Heart*
Adriana

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My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed.
57
57
Review by Adriana Noir
Rated: E | (5.0)
Ello Hyperiongate. *Smile* I came across your article while browsing the public review page. The challenges of flash fiction have long baffled me, therefore, I couldn't help taking a peek.

My Initial impressions of "How To Write Good Flash Fiction I came here looking for help, and I got it. This is a very clear and clever guideline for those of us seeking advice to follow. You made your tips easy to follow, but also injected humor that made this a fun learning experience. You get the best of both worlds here!

When reading articles, it's always important to me to walk away feeling like I have learned something, or discovered a new POV I hadn't thought of before. You delivered the goods. After reading this, I feel confident I could at least give this challenging forray a try!*Thumbsup*

The Layout: Very nice. The goal is clearly stated and followed. Each subdivision, or tip is presented in a clean manner and accented from the rest of the text. It made it easy to keep track of and follow the divides.

Content: Extremely useful. You give several fantastic tips and great advice for all writers to follow, not just those delving into flash fiction. You cover everything from grammar to suggestions for following prompts. You stayed on topic at all times and educated without sounding preachy or pompous---both of which are major put-offs!

Style & Voice: Down-to-earth and sprinkled with lively bits of humor, this is an article people will enjoy reading. It's clear-cut and easy to follow.

*Star*Favorite Part:*Star* Oh, geez! It was really hard to choose. this is one of those things that you comment out loud to as you read along. I really liked your point about grammar (though I notice those 5 in novels just as much if not more so, because they AREN'T supposed to be there!) and eating the whole chicken. I'd really like to do that someday. *Laugh*

*Idea*Suggestions for Improvement:*Idea*
I've thought long and hard here, but I really have nothing to offer. I didn't notice any mistakes. I really enjoyed reading this, and it served it's goal to the fullest. Excellent job.

Parting Thoughts: I wish I wasn't on vacation and obligated to do things here. I'd really love to put some of this newfound wisdom to the test. At any rate, this is a wonderful asset and I'm sure it will come in most handy for future reference. Thanks for the education and for sharing your tricks of the trade!
~Best wishes and happy writing!~ *Heart*
Adriana

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My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed.
58
58
Review by Adriana Noir
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Ello, Suzannah *Smile*. I came across your story and I have to admit, the title and description had me too curious to pass this by! After reading this short story, I don't think you could have summed it up any better.

My Initial impressions of "Beyond Redemption.: What a wonderful read! I absolutely loved the tension, mystery, and suspense this tale held. The characters have a very unique voice suited to the setting and both played off the other wonderfully. This is a fast moving tale that doesn't give the reader time to become bored. In fact, it pretty much keeps you perched on the edge of your seat. Great work!

The characters: Sam is a tough-as-nails, no nonsense type of chick. the reader gets that impression right off the bat. She's self-sufficient, having lived by herself and taken care of her mother's vast estate all these years. I also really liked the bond and relationship she had with her two beloved guard dogs. It lent her a soft, human side I don't think the reader would otherwise see. Her trust in fellow mankind is displaced, and as a result, Sam can come off as a bit gruff and guarded toward them. However, she loves her animals! Great characterization.

Ben . . . well, not much is known about this mysterious drifter at first. I loved the dialect you gave him. He sounded like an authentic rancher to me, which made the story very believeable. Ben comes across as very genial and good-natured. However, not too long after he arrives, it becomes clear he has an ulterior motive! *Shock*

Setting/Plot: The setting in this story is wonderful It takes place on a secluded ranch in the valley. You did an amazing job painting a picture for the reader, right down to the crisp smell of rain heading in. It's exotic, yet familiar enough that people will relate. Great work!

I loved the plot. I wondered at first what Sam was up to . . . then sat on the edge of my seat as I tried to figure Ben and his gun out. It's a gripping plot filled with clever twists and turns that will keep the reader guessing and on the edge of their seat. Very well played out.

Style & Voice: The only complaint I had about the style was there being a lot of fragments . . but I will explain this below. Otherwise, I think this had great style and voice. It was fast-paced and easy to read, yet you also include great descriptions. It's clean and concise, yet beautifully written.

*Star*Favorite Part:*Star* I absolutely loved your fabulous descriptions. I could see and smell the lush plants and rolling valley. It was enthralling!

Oh me, oh my! What a devious and wicked ending. *Smirk* This was also high on my list of favorites. It was a wonderful plot twist and even gave me an unexpected rash of gossebumps!

*Idea*Suggestions for Improvement:*Idea*
~Lush gold, white, and brilliant red Hibiscus. Interspersed with fragrant Frangipani trees--wound down and around
I think this is an awkward stop here. The first sentence is a fragment. It might read better as:
*Bullet* Lush gold, white, and brilliant red Hibiscus interspersed with fragrant Frangipani trees--wound down and around

~Pulled on his faded jeans and a white T shirt.
Two things here. It might read better if you said Ben pulled on his faded jeans, or he . . . the other is, I could be wrong but I think T-shirt is hyphenated. *Wink*

~He fixed himself a J.D neat and tossed it back.
If you don't want the reader to lump it all together as JD neat and then have to re-read to clarify it, you might want to consider adding some kind of pause.
*Bullet* J.D., neat, OR J.D.--neat, and

~Sam had had a breakdown. Convinced that her mother had deliberately gone down to the creek that night. Knowing full well what would happen.
The last two are fragments. My suggestion would be to combine two or three of the above for smoother reading.
*Bullet* Sam had had a breakdown, convinced that her mother had deliberately gone down to the creek that night knowing full-well what would happen.

~"If you're sure Sam?"

"Ben; I'm always sure. Goodnight."

In the second line, you use a semi-colon after Ben. Semi-colons are only used when combining two complete sentences related to each other. Ben is not a complete sentence capable of standing on it's own. My suggestion is to replace the ; with a comma.
*Bullet* "Ben, I'm always sure."

~The next morning dawned fiery-red. Promising another scorching hot, sticky November day.
Promising another scorching hot, sticky November day doesn't make much sense on its own, making it another fragment. Again, I would combine the two for eas flow and understanding.
*Bullet* The next morning dawned fiery-red, promising another scorching hot, sticky November day.

There are many fragments, both up to this point and after. Rather than point them all out, I think I will just mention that a full sentence should be able to stand on it's own and make sense, having a subject and verb. While a few are okay here and there (especially in dialogue, as that is how we often speak), in excess, they become confusing. Most of the ones you have could be clarified and cleaned up by inserting a comma instead, just as shown in the above examples. *Smile*

Note: These are only my honest opinions as a reader. Feel free to use or ignore them as you wish. You alone are the best judge of what works for you and the work of art you created.

Parting Thoughts: I would definitely reccommend this to anyone out there looking for a great story to read. Not only is it fun, but it will keep you guessing what is going to happen until the very end. I have to admt that the full implications of the story and just how clever Sam is did not FULLY hit me until this very moment. It's a great story about how betrayl can impact a person for life. In essence, it really is a story about things being way 'beyond redemption.' *Thumbsup*
~Best wishes and happy writing!~ *Heart*
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59
Review of God, Who Are You?  
Review by Adriana Noir
Rated: E | (5.0)
What a beautiful and thought provoking piece you have here, intuey! I have asked this more than once in my life and come up with similar answers. There is such beauty and peace in these words that it is hard to describe.

I think the free-form works well for this poem, as I can't imagine trying to constrain or meter out lines such as these. They are honest and forthright, and much like nature itself, shouldn't be contained.

The style and voice are smiple, pure, yet beautiful. You use vivid descriptions to describe the sky and the light . . . not just the physical light, but the one that radiates within each one of us. The use of quotations makes it easy to understand and draws a clear lline between speak and vision.

The content, no matter what one's belief is, gives one pause for thought. We are all connected in one way or another. The most valuable lesson, and the only real impact we make or learn here on our time on Earth is to love one another and to treat each other with kindness. These are the impressions we make and leave as we go.

Beautiful work. Thanks for sharing and best wishes!
Adriana *Moon*
60
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Review of Grendel Rising  
Review by Adriana Noir
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Ello, SyntheticGod ! I came across your story while browsing the dark items WDC offered and couldn't help but stop by for a peek! What a journey young Grendel has! *Thumbsup*

This was an amazing chapter! I was spellbound from the first paragraph and you held me entranced to the very end. The quality of writing is very high, exceptional, really! The pacing was neither too fast, nor too slow, as you took your time delivering details but did not bog down the flow of the story. I could see, feel, hear, and smell everything that went on and that makes for the best kind of story, when the reader feels they are part of the experience.

My heart broke as the story began, aching for the young boy and the loss of his dog. this was a clever way to form a connection with your audience from the start. However, we don't dwell long on his sorrows, as the action kicks in unexpectedly and we watch in horror as the young boy's villiage is burned to the ground.

I loved the wording, the fluid descriptions, and the intense plot line you are weaving here. This is very well-written, a suspenseful horror, and I definitely look forward to seeing where this tale leads!

Best wishes and happy writing!~ *Heart*
Adriana
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Review of Mistaken  
Review by Adriana Noir
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Ello billwilcox *Smile* As promised, I'm here to read the finished product with a fresh pair of eyes. Thanks to you, I'm itchy and feeling a bit slap happy, and it's not yet noon!

My Initial impressions of "Mistaken: Wow! I have to admit, I never saw the twist this story had at the end coming! You blindsided me there, Bill, and that's pretty hard to do!

I love the changes you made and the added content was absolutely wonderful, too! This is one story that will hold arachnaphobs as captive as a spider itself. It's fast-paced, tense, and utterly terrifying.

The characters: Simon and a spider. Man, oh man. *Worry* Here I was feeling sorry for this "nice guy." He came across as very likeable, even if he was a bit nervous and twitchy. Simon seemed like the kind of quiet sort you passby a million times on the street and never notice. In this case, I'm pretty sure that would be a good thing!

Your spider was...terrifying. I can still see it in my head and I hate it!

Setting/Plot: The story shifts between Simon's hotel room and the pharmacy. Both places were well-described giving the reader a clear image of their surroundings. You also play well off the five senses throughout the course of this tale. Feel, smell, sight, sound are all thuroughly explored. Great job!

The plot is fast-paced and riveting. One will be hard-pressed to look away or stop once they start this tale. One of the most horrifying aspects is when the plot takes a sudden twist and we learn what happened to simon as a child. The encounter he had then with a spider . . . I may just never open my mouth again. Bill, I can feel it in my own throat! *Shock*

Style & Voice: You have a unique style and voice your audience will recognize at once as yours. Your writing is always very clean and to the point, yet wonderfully descriptive.

*Star*Favorite Part:*Star* *itches* I'm really at a loss here...I'm still kinda tweaking in my chair. Voice and flow aside, I'm going to have to say the wicked twist at the end. You caught me offguard!

*Idea*Suggestions for Improvement:*Idea*
I'm really not sure here, but I did think I would bring it up, just in case. *Wink* stumbled-face
I'm not sure how or if a face can stumble. Did you maybe mean stubbled?

Note: These are only my honest opinions as a reader. Feel free to use or ignore them as you wish. You alone are the best judge of what works for you and the work of art you created! *Smile*

Parting Thoughts: You penned another marvelous tale, Bill! I will send you the bill for the therapy I may be needing later. I'd love to feature this one in my next NL, if you don't mind. Thanks for sharing your amazing work with us! *Thumbsup*
~Best wishes and happy writing!~ *Heart*
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Review of Mistaken  
Review by Adriana Noir
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Bill, you and your spider stories are going to be the death of me! I know you get some sick, twisted pleasure out of knowing how bad these things make me squirm. *Laugh*

As always, your descriptions are concise, but nothing short of vividly horrifying. All too clear and real, if you ask me! You caught the paralyzing terror one feels when in the presence of these vile creatures...and to make it worse, you caught the mannerisms of the spider right down to the twitchy legs. *slaps at my own in a fit of panic*

The true moment of madness was when it crept along his face before biting Simon. I nearly had to close the page. But, no, I kept reading, imagining all to well, that I, too, would be frantic and pinching my flesh, if not laying there twitching in the after-throes of a heart attack.

Then, you go for the kill. The man's flesh is sloughing off in his hands and he is still not content. I wonder what horros await. Was it a black widow? A funnel spider? Or is this all simply his own doing?

You weave wonderful (maddeningly horrifying) tales, my friend. I look forwward to seeing where this one leads. Be sure to tell me when you are finished so I can adjust my rating, as I am sure it will be perfect then. Thank you so much for sharing your work and pointing me this way.
~Best wishes and happy writing!~ *Heart*
Adriana
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Review by Adriana Noir
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Very interesting poll, Jaeff | KBtW of the Free Folk ! It took me a long time to deliberate my answer on this one. I've been involved with the chatroom protocal for this in the past and know how much emphasis is based on the use of Caps and lowercase letters. However, I don't think such filters over into writing. For instance, I've read several published works that revolve around the D/s aspect and none of them follow this protocol. Words in these novels are published as they should be in any other genre or situation. I think having a knowledge of the standards is good, but it should not carry over to everything else. For instance, a sub would not write out reports or memos for work using 'i". Just some food for thought.....
Thanks for sharing and best wishes! *Heart*
Adriana
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Review by Adriana Noir
Rated: E | (5.0)
Ello, Yellow Rose *Smile*

What a beautiful poem! It has very strong imagery, as I could envision this man so well, and also feel the love felt for him. It is an emotional piece that will play on the heart strings of readers, and perhaps evoke similar yearnings as well. I found this very well-written, and I admit, I find it hard to read and review most free verse pieces.

I absolutely loved this part:
A voice calm and soothing from a gentle soul
Rough hands that knew and loved God’s land
His arms wrapped around me with such confidence

You said so much with so few words here. Perhaps I am wrong, but I got the image of a farmer here, one who made his living by toiling outdoors, or perhaps he was just a big fan of nature. Either way it evokes the picture of one physically strong and soulfully gentle. *Heart*

There is a hint of loss at the end. It wraps things up on a beautiful but bittersweet note. I have no suggestions for improvement here. Steller job!
Thanks for dropping by my port.
~Best wishes and happy writing!~
Adriana
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Review of Freak  
Review by Adriana Noir
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Ohhh, Bill! Truly worthy of the 5 stars it boasts! What stunning and provacative imagery you have in this piece. I could scarcely keep from squirming in my own chair as you described Raheesha and the crippling disease she faced. *shudders*

Fast paced and gripping, this is one bit of flash fiction that will stick with the reader and haunt them long after they've finished. It's terrifying, especially since conditions like this do exist. Yet, at the same time, you empathize with her, being forced to make a living among the outcasts of the world, reduced to being nothing more than aa side show attraction.

I've always been a fan of your writing, but this story cements just how powerful your words are and the amazing ability you have to paint a picture for your audience...once that they won't soon forget.

I think I hear the pulsing drums . . .
~Best wishes and happy writing!~ *Heart*
Adriana
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Review of Savior  
Review by Adriana Noir
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Ello Eva White

*Smile* I came across "Savior while browsing for short stories to read. I have to admit, I found your title quite intruiging and hinting at it being a twisted tale had me giddy with excitement! It's my pleasure to read your work and share my thoughts with you.

Initial impressions: You started the story off with a bang. (No pun intended..heh) From the first paragraph, I was hooked. I wanted to know why, why this girl was scarred and chained, kept like an animal in the darkness. The suspense in this story was wonderful, and you kept my eyes glued to the screen from start to finish. Very well done!

The characters: I had to giggle at the antagonist. His name, Paul Walker immediately made me think of a rather handsome actor. *Wink* I'm not sure if that was your intention here or not, as it seems it would be a fairly common name and no physical description of him is given, other than him having a smooth forehead. What I did note was he was instable. I mean, you kinda have to be to kidnap another person, right? That aside, he came across as very calm and level-headed. To me, that always makes people much more chilling than if they screamed, ranted, or cursed. Sophisticated bad guys are the best!

At first I thought Sarah was an adult. But by the time I saw the drawing, I came to understand she was much younger. This fiery redhead has the will and smarts to survive. She came across as very sweet-natured and loving, despite all she has been through.

The FBI really plays a minor role in this tale, acting more as a catalyst for events. Shocking, shocking events. *Thumbsup*

Setting/Plot: We don't know much about the surroundings, other than the place is kept dark. It's Paul's secret hideaway, the place where he keeps Sarah prisoner. I think you did a good job getting sparce details across so the reader has a mental image of things, without weighing the story down.

The plot takes several turns and twists. The arrival of the FBI was sudden and unexpected. The end, well that is sure to blow some reader's minds, but in a good way. I'd definitely have to say there's a major case of Stockholm Syndrome playing a key role in the plot. *Bigsmile*

*Star*Favorite Part:*Star* I loved the wicked twist at the end, sad as it may have been. However, I'm a firm believer not every story should have a happy ending.

There were also some wonderful writing gems in your story as well:

~Such a small thing that ended his life; a small hole that seemed to, for a moment, stop time. And then set it racing again as if someone had taken their finger off the pause button.
I loved how you described that. What wonderful wordsmithing!

~his blood crept along the wooden floor in thin red fingers
Another fantastic way to paint a visual!

*Idea*Suggestions for Improvement:*Idea*
~ Probably scream.He hated it
You're missing a space here after the period.

These aren't really suggestions, per say, but as a reader I found myself wondering how long she had been held prisoner by Paul, and what his motivation for taking her was. Was he just lonely? Could he not have children, or was she to be some sort of romantic companion. *Blush* Like I said, not suggestions, really, just some things I was left wondering at the end.

Note: *Note*Please remember that these are only my opinions as a reader. Feel free to use or ignore them as you wish. You alone are the best judge of what works for you and the work of art you created!*Note**Smile*

Parting Thoughts: I thought this was a wonderful story and very well-written. Intense, fast-paced, and gripping, it's well worth taking a few minutes to read! I really enjoyed your plot and the struggle your characters faced. *Thumbsup*
Best wishes and happy writing!*Heart*
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Review of I'm Your Man  
Review by Adriana Noir
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello, anastasia beyverhausen !

*Laugh* This is definitely a story that will make parents smile, if not laugh out loud. It's an enjoyable family tale, centered around Easter, and all of the bustle of the holiday's that comes with it. Poor Charlotte honestly could have used some help from her husband, but Cliff had other plans. I think this is a familiar scenerio among many couples world wide! His promise to be there for the tough things was a great form of foreshadowing. In this instance, the reader gets a strong feeling that will come into play in the very near future.

I felt for this mother as her twins barraged her with a flurry of questions, as children often do. I doubt she expected the content of thos questions to come up so soon, and rather than tackle or avoid them on her own, she directs the kids to their father. *Wink* Smart thinking.

I thought this story was well-paced. It moved along quickly, as flash fiction should, and you have a very believeable cast here. The characters came across as realistic and vivid. Your ending was a perfect bit of slapstick comedy. *Thumbsup*

I did notice one teeny typo: Then an idea came to here.
I think you meant: her.

Flash fiction is incredibly challenging to write. With so few words available, you have to tighten your writing to the max in order to get the most out of description, character, and plot. There were very few places you could have tightened it up more, and overall, I found this a very enjoyable read!

Thanks for sharing! Best wishes and happy writing~! *Heart*
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Review of Venom's Kiss  
Review by Adriana Noir
Rated: E | (4.0)
Ello, journalmethis , and welcome to WDC! *Bigsmile* I saw your story listed in the Read-a-Newbie column and just had to take a peek. I thought I had a fairly good idea what you were talking about from your description, I was just hoping I was wrong.

*Shock* E-gads! I almost had a heart attack myself reading this! You have great descriptive power. I could see and feel each creepy little movement and I think I was just as horrified as our poor protagonist was in the story! You did an amazing job describing the spider and it's tortorous decent. *shudders*

I thought Gremlin was a really cute name for a cat. It kind of made me think of a persian or something, one of those big ones with the scrunched in face.

One thing I really wondered about as a reader was the end. I liked the frantic, panic enduced feeling you conveyed here. It fit the content and situation really well. but then, I started wondering. Were the hundreds of white spiders really there, or were they figments of the narrator's imagination. Bugs . . . or paramedics dressed in white. I'm not sure if this was the effect you were going for here or not, but the confusion (at least on my part *Laugh*) worked well given the spreading toxins!

I like your descriptive style and the way you worded things. This was one of my favorite lines: They come in the night while you sleep, ready to take your life the second you move a bit too quickly for their taste. *Shock* Eeeek! Did you know the average person also swallows seven spiders a year in their sleep? *shudders* You play on that fear well here and this was a chilling line and a good opening hook.

Below are just a few small suggestions I had based on my opinions as a reader. Feel free to use or ignore them as you wish!

*Bullet* a single black widow made it's
its way

*Bullet* it's deadly fangs
its
It's is a contraction for it is. Its is used when showing something's posession. IE: its fangs

*Bullet* stopped dead in it's tracks
its
As explained above.

*Bullet* off my cloths
I think you meant clothes. Cloths are fabrics, such as cleaning rags. *Wink*

*Bullet* I came eye levels
eye-level

*Bullet* Was I having a seizure?!
I know sometimes it is hard to show the mixture of shock and questions that overwhelm people at times, but it is best to try to avoid using double, or triple punctuation whenever possible. Teachers and editors alike tend to frown on this.

Overall, this was a really good short story! You scared me senseless, that's for sure! In fact, I'm still itching at myself. *Laugh* Thanks for the chills and thrills, and for sharing your work here with the rest of us. If you have any questions about this review or the site in gerneral, feel free to e-mail me and ask away. Again, welcome to WDC and best of luck with all that you do!

~Best wishes and happy writing!~ *Heart*
Adriana

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Review of Please Dad  
Review by Adriana Noir
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Ello, Kilo Pomeroy , and welcome to WDC! *Bigsmile* I saw your poem listed in the Read-a-Newbie column and just had to take a peek!

I think the title and description of this piece work very well. After all, they are what drew me into this piece. This part did confuse me a little though: and it felt he was to me.
what is it?

You have a very emotional poem here that will tug at the hearts of your readers. I could feel the weight attached to these words, the joy you felt in youth, the feeling of security only dads and their strength can bring, and then the profound sense of loss at the end. I'll admit, this had me tearing up quite a bit, as it is a powerful piece of work. *Thumbsup* Well done.

No one ever wants to be able to relate to a piece of work like this, but I feel there are many out there who will read these words and feel as if they share them with you. Perhaos this is part of where the hurt can lessen some and healing can begin. Thank you so much for sharing your work, and again, welcome to WDC!

~Best wishes and happy writing!~ *Heart*
Adriana

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Review of On Reviewing  
Review by Adriana Noir
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Ello, robert_pearle. I came across your article "On Reviewing, and after reading it, found I had a few things to say.

Fisrt off, though I don't agree with all of what you have to say here, it is very well-written and does carry a strong ring of truth. Here, you cover two different aspects of reviewing that you consider "bad" or not helpful to the author. Since reviewing is based soley on the opinions of the reader, and opinions vary vastly from one person to the next, most comments are subjective. If one reflects honestly upon this piece, they can easily see how some comments may be "useful" and others perhaps not as much. I just think "bad" might be a bit harsh of a term. *Wink*

As a writer, it is easy to disagree with a lot of the comments we receive on any given piece. That is why it's important to remember these are the opinions of other people: comments meant to be taken with a grain of salt. This really came to mind when reading your rebuttals to the first review. True, fictional worlds do not adhere to our standards . . . as readers of fiction, our job is to be able to suspend our belief for a short time and immerse ourselves in the world we are reading about, no? However, one comment you made struck a powerful chord with me, regarding the "audience" itself:

Better yet, the reviewer has appealed to the author's interest: "not all audiences will respond to this". What author wants exclude an audience?
*Confused* The truth is, no matter how hard anyone tries, you will never be able to please everybody. There are specific genres or types of stories geared toward specific audiences, and these readers will gravitate to what interests them. I don't think any writer should ever compromise the true vision they had in mind at the risk of offending or displeasing someone else. It's impossible to please everyone and someone will always be offended. If not by what was said, then what wasn't. *Laugh* To try and please everybody is impossible and will only lead someone to drive themselves crazy. It's best for writers to write for themself first and then worry about the target audience they hope to please.

Some writers here are new and haven't developed the thick skin required to handle the more critical reviews. Some are very sensitive and only post here with the hope of sharing outside their circle of family and friends. Others post with the hope of getting comments and help that will help them improve and get published in a tough industry that isn't getting any easier. Age, experience, and disposition are all factors that are also very important when taking a review and the comments you make into consideration.

In other words, do a bit of reasearch yourself. Try to get a feel or understanding of the author, too, before delving into a review. Kids will not handle constructive critisicm in the same manner an adult would and extra care may be needed to still be honest but buffer the blow.

Very interesting article. Though I don't agree wholeheartedly, you do bring up some valid points and offer food for thought. Well done.
~Best wishes and happy reviewing!~
Adriana

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Review of Damaged Goods  
Review by Adriana Noir
Rated: E | (4.0)
Ello, 17cherry and welcome to WDC! *Bigsmile* It's always wonderful to see new members joining the community and sharing their works.

I saw this listed in the By Online authors column and just had to take a peek. You had a really intruiging premise here for a poem, and I was delighted to see you delivered as promised. What a wonderful way to impliment comparisons and really challenge a reader to think! *Thumbsup*

This poem had good style and flow, but what really made it stand out for me were the unique items you chose to represent the emptiness and pain left behind when love turns sour. The socks gave it a dirty, used feeling, the wrappers showing how even something glittery and full of promise can lose its shine, and the toy, showing the abandonment. Excellent!

This poem also has a strong voice and tone, one that suits the subject content well and ressonates within as one reads the words. The only suggestion I have here is to watch the "it's" vs "its" dilemma. It's is a contraction for it is. Its is used when showing possession: For example: It's cold outside. vs Its pink nose is cute.

Thank you so much for sharing your poem and your talents with us! If you have any questions about this review or the site in general, feel free to drop by my e-mail box anytime! *Shamrock* Good luck in all that you do!

~Best wishes and happy writing!~
Adriana
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Review by Adriana Noir
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
This is a beautifully written piece that highlights the personality many of us here on WDC have come to know and love so well. Here is where people should stop to read if they are wanting to know a little about the person behind the handle, or if they are a recipient of one of your many wonderful reMOOS! *Heart*

You have a very attractive layout here, complete with pictures that help illustate your perception, and share a little bit about your personal life and what matters to you beyond the screen. The ones of your beloved basset hound made me smile and then giggle a bit. I love those expressive eyes and the one of her with her tongue out was just priceless! *Laugh*

It was great seeing a bit of that loveable you shining through your words! I also liked how you gave a few quick links to the stories and poems you house here on WDC. I will have to stop by those sometime soon.

Thanks for sharing!
~Best wishes and happy writing!~
Adriana
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Review by Adriana Noir
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Ello Jaeff | KBtW of the Free Folk This is your third review per the auction win! For my last stop tonight, I decided to take a walk on the more serious side and read a genre I haven't yet read of yours. *Bigsmile* I'm so glad I did!

Initial impressions: Oh SoCal! This has to be some of the best writing of yours I've read yet! I don't know what it is about this story, but the way you told it struck a deep chord within me. I was hooked from the first line, sat on the edge of my seat the entire time, and I literally held my breath at the end. This truly was an amazing piece of work!

I still have so many questions after reading this. I know that was the intent you had with this story, but you really made me scowl with the cliffhanger ending! It's killing me not to know what happened, who this boy was, who those men were, and why they had done those things to him. You're a cruel, cruel man to leave me hanging like that!

This was a taut mystery and serious thriller. I loved the entire atmosphere you wove into this piece. It was sinister and crackling with tension. My heart ached and pounded all at once. I don;t know who this mysterious boy was or why he stumbled upon this family in such dire condition, but you walk away with the gut wrenching feeling things will never be the same for them because of it. I felt reading this story, and more importantly, I genuinely cared about these characters and what happened to them. The entire thing came across as so real and very intense.

Again, you had great setting and description. One of my favorite parts was when you were describing the fog rolling in. Very visual tale and it was neat when you went so far as to give the smell of the room and let us feel the texture of the bandages!

One part that got me was when the boys pulled back the sheet. I don't want to talk too much about this lest it ruin it for anyone reading this review, but I'm not sure you intended that effect or not. *takes a deep shuddering breath* You scared me!

Overall, this is a story I won't be forgetting anytime soon. It's one of those memorable tales about compassion and a family in peril. These are characters readers can emerse themselves in and care about as they read. It's got plenty of action and suspense. In fact, I'm going to include this in my editor's picks for next week's drama NL. *Thumbsup*

Highly recommended read.

*Idea*Suggestions for Improvement:*Idea*
I don't suppose griping about the mystery and cliffhangers involved in this story will change anything. It's a bold move on your part, but one I really enjoyed. I think anyone not in critic but reader mode will fall head over heels for this anyway.

Jed frowned as my father picked up the phone and started dialing, then frowned.
Nitpicky, yes, but maybe you might want to change one of the frowns to scowled. One other thing to point out is you might want to take a quick skim of this story and make sure you don't have your dialogue tags capped. There were quite a few where you said My father said etc when it should be my fahter since those tags aren't capped. {e:wink

As always, feel free to use or ignore my blathering as you wish. I'm no expert by any means, but I do like to throw my two cents in on occasion. lol

Parting Thoughts: I am thrilled to have had the chance to spend the evening in your port. You have amazing work and some really awesome stories to read. I can;t wait to visit this folder again and see what else you have hidden here. Thanks so much for sharing and please keep writing! Best wishes always!{e:heart}
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Review of Ritual  
Review by Adriana Noir
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Ello Jaeff | KBtW of the Free Folk

This is review 2 of 3 from your auction package. don't forget to email me with the link to your WIP and I will review that as well, per your request. I have to admit, I'm really enjoying my visit to your port. I feel like I won something here as well! *Wink*

Initial impressions:
Hmm, SoCal, I have to admit, inquiring minds want to know! I make it a habit of reading the genre listings before reading a story, just so I know what I'm dealing with and if it's fiction or not. The experience category really raised a brow after reading this. Uh, what uhm . . . part of this is experience? *Worry* I did mention what an awesome friend and person you are lately, right? *grins* If not, I'll mention it again now, and point out I have loads of garlic on hand and UV lights for the iguanas!
*Laugh*

This really was a unique blend of genres as far as reading goes, the whole experience listing aside. You had the taut suspense and tension one expects to find in horror, along with a few chilling elements. The beginning held hints of romance. I felt the thrill of young love and the heat of lust as Natalie and Josh rode in the car. In fact, I almost wanted a cold shower myself. Then, somewhere, I also detected a subtle air of D/s. All in all, it had many elements geared here, all of them subtle, but it was like all four of my favorite things rolled up in one! Pretty amazing when you think about it!

I really liked these characters. They were so easy to relate to. You gave the reader time to observe and adjust before throwing the wrench in. I think having them be young and, well, uhm, rearing to go, worked wonders here. Most readers, if they are not going through that stage now, just finished it in the *cough* not so distant past. It will bring back fond memories in either case and make them easy to relate to.

The setting . . .what can I say here? I loved the old farmhouse and barn. You did a great job laying out both, but I really thought the barn worked well. Big, huge, drafty, usually dimly lit, its an excellent place for your story to unfurl. The slab and chains, well, all perks. *Blush* It's not something one usually finds in a barn, but as a reader, I felt they fit right in and it had a really neat visial effect. The only thing I felt was missing was a light play on the sense of smell. Did it stink of animals, or fresh or stale hay? I'm not sure how one would describe the unused/abandoned barn smell, if not. Maybe earthy? Just a thought.

I liked the plot. I thought it well-paced and well-played. I did manage to figure this one out. Sort of. *Laugh* You still trew in plenty of twists and this is one of those great stories where not everything is quite as it seems. I was really glad to read through and see it didn't have one of those ends where she woke to find the entire ordeal was just a dream. You had me worried there for a split second, but I had faith, and sure enough, you proved yourself far too clever and orignal for that!

So here, we have a unique blend of genres and a turbulent atmosphere because of it. It works really well. The characters are ones the reader will be interested in, and it's a good, fast-paced read. What more could one ask for?

*Idea*Suggestions for Improvement:*Idea*
and she was forced to crawl alongside her as he moved to the center of the barn.
Since Josh was the only other person I was aware of at this point, I think you meant 'crawl alongside him.'

Note: *Note*Please remember that these are only my opinions as a reader. Feel free to use or ignore them as you feel best suits your story and personal style. You alone are the best judge of what works for you and the work of art you created!

Parting Thoughts: Again, it's been a pleasure reading your work! Your such a versatile author with a lot of skill. Your port is one anyone would do well looking into. I'm really looking forward to reading your contest entry for this month!*Thumbsup*
Best wishes and happy writing!*Heart*
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Review of True Nature  
Review by Adriana Noir
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Ello Jaeff | KBtW of the Free Folk This is review 1 0f 3 won in your auction package! Let me start off by saying it's my pleasure to read your work and share my thoughts with you. *Bigsmile* I was more than excited to see the huge selection of items in your portfolio, and while I'm mostly drawn to horror these days, i might end up taking a walk on the erotic side before I'm done tonight. This really showcases your diversity as an author!

Initial impressions:
Okay, I really liked the opening line. I miss the sky. It's very simplistic, yet it grabs my attention as a reader right off the bat. It raises tons of questions, making me want to know more. Who is this person and how could they possibly miss the sky? Great hook!

The moonless sky was dark, and the only sound came from my boots slapping against the concrete
This is excellent visualization! I really liked the inclusion of sight and sound here and your descriptions!

I really liked the line about the perp and his two neices. It was a very subtle statement, which made it all the more chilling, as I made my own assumptions. The intent was clear here, but you didn't sensatonalize it by going into the details. *Thumbsup*

Okay. . . WOW SoCal! As I was reading, I had a really hard time connecting with the main character, because of his actions. When he listed all the things happening, I didn't feel the least bit sorry for him, I felt glad. *Sad* Now I feel totally ashamed of myself. I thought this was a very clever trick as an author. I never saw the ending of this story coming, and usually, I pride myself on being able to peg the outcome before it happens. (In fact, my husband and I often compete when watching movies *laughs*) Wow!

I admit, I felt the first twinge of empathy when I learned he was a litle slow. Sometimes mental handicaps or learning disabilities hinder the ability to tell right from wrong, making them a lot like young children. But you threw me for a loop with the final revelation (which I won't spoil in a public review) What seemed like a flat character with no redeemable qualities ended up being one I liked and empathized with.

Great descriptions, opening hook, character, and plot twist!

*Idea*Suggestions for Improvement:*Idea*
because they don't have to see me or listen to me or even acknowledge that I exist.
I think here, since you are listing different actions, they should be separated by commas.

You know, I was going to make a suggestion about certain phrases being repeated often and close together, especially in a story as short as this one, but at the end of the tale, I realized it fit. Sometimes it pays to read before you comment!

Note: *Note*Please remember that these are only my opinions as a reader. Feel free to use or ignore them as you feel best suits your story and personal style. You alone are the best judge of what works for you and the work of art you created!*Note**Smile*

Parting Thoughts: Overall, a fast paced and enjoyable read! I'm a sucker for surprise endings and you delivered here! I'm looking forward to reading some more of your work. Thanks for sharing and for bidding on my package!
Best wishes and happy writing!*Heart*
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