Adriana Noir's (pradaprincess) Reviews

Review Requests: OFF

1,392 Public Reviews Given

2,269 Total Reviews Given

Review Style

In depth, detailed, and honest. I always point out the things I enjoyed most about an item, highlighting the strengths along with any weaknesses or glitches I might find. To me, it's important to let a writer know how something made you feel and what reactions you had when reading, not just the technical aspects.

I'm good at...

Characterization, punctuation, plot, and grammar.

Favorite Genres

Anything dark and angsty. Horror, erotica, dark dramas are usually my favorites.

Least Favorite Genres

Westerns, Sci-Fi, and comedy.

I will not review...

Poetry and non-fiction. I read these for pleasure alone. I don't know enough about the technicalities to give a decent or useful review. Any comments I send are always just based on my personal reactions as a reader.

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#2948617

Review of AM I THAT FORGOTTEN SOLDIER?

Review by Adriana Noir

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Oh.

This is such a moving tribute to the brave men and women who have served our country and died. The conversation this soldier had with God is bound to move any reader to tears. It comes across as poignant, emotional, and believeable. It is something I can imagine many fallen soldiers asking. It states somewhere in that big book that the greatest act a person can commit is to give their life for another. In this, I know that all soldiers are profoundly blessed. If not in this lifetime, then after.

Absolutely beautiful work and a tremendous gift to any veteran and thier friends and family.

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#2941228

Review of Interview With A Chef

Review by Adriana Noir

Rated: 13+

| (5.0)

Ohh W.D.! You made me laugh so hard that I started to choke! I'm already a huge fan of your horror--and to think you do comedy too and do it so well! As a person who loves to cook, this piece had me in stitches! I don't know what was funnier, the things the chef was doing to this poor bird or your reaction to it.

I have no suggestions for improvement here. I would list my favorite parts, but they were far too many! This entire story is a smashing riot and I would highly recommend it to anyone looking for a good laugh!

Take care my friend and best wishes!

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#2941210

Review of MBTI (Myers-Briggs Type Indicator)

Review by Adriana Noir

Rated: E

| (5.0)

I saw this on the public review page and had no clue what they were talking about.

Being the curious creature that I am, I just had to take a look-see for myself.

This really was a great poll. you explained everything in a clear manner and even managed to lure me into taking the poll. It turns out, I am an ISFP, which in itself is interesting. I'm not surprised to find a vast number of introverts on the site, but enough in the opposite end to give this site a wonderful blend of personalities. I gues those extroverts help draw us shy ones forward a bit!

Thank you for sharing this and enlightening me a bit more. I always love learning new things! Definitely a fun and interesting poll to participate in!

229

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#2937548

Review of A Bad Man

Review by Adriana Noir

Rated: 13+

| (3.0)

Greetings, Mey

I really liked the title and description of this piece and decided to settle in for a read!

What I found was a fast, action-packed plot that had me riveted until the end. The last few lines left me stunned and slack-jawed! I love stories with a twist!

Characters, plot, and setting: A nameless criminal is trying to make his way out of a small town. (I don't blame him...those places are always bad news!) His fear of being caught prods him along dark streets. As he makes his way through, a feeling of unease begins to prevail in the reader. Bleak, empty streets, lights blowing out...and the sudden appearance of a malignant presence lead to the shocking climax of this story.

The jist of the plot proves that no matter how big, bad, or tough, you think you are...there is always someone worse than you who is willing and able to knock you down a few pegs!

Technical/Grammatical Notes:
At the end of the main road there was a dinner.
~At the end of the main road leads into the rest of the sentence and needs a comma. At the end of the road, there

It stood in bight contrast against the empty road,
~I think you meant bright. Also, just a thought here, but since you used road in the sentence before, why not mix it up a little and use street?

The wanted man set off for the dinner.
~Do you mean an eating establishment? If so, it should be diner. This one pops up several places throughout the story.

Had he noticed he would have put it down to the fact
~Had he noticed is another lead in that needs a comma. Had he noticed, he

He was in a state of Zen, clam before motion.
~Did you mean calm?

Cool eyes surveyed the scene.
A smile split the lips.
~This might sound better as: Cool eyes surveyed the scene, and a smile split his lips.

Favorite Part:

I absolutely loved the ironic twist with the diner owner at the end!

There's more than one way to clean up a town! That was a nice touch that I didn't see coming. My mom always used to tell me that no matter how big and bad someone was, there is always someone tougher than they are. *giggles* You played on that well.

Suggestions for Improvement:

The action is fast paced and gripping and I like the twisted plot. What didn't grab me was the main character. He comes across without much depth and doesn't really give the reader much of a reason to care what happens to him.

I don't mean this in an offensive way. A LOT of writers struggle with characterization. I think in your case, this would be an easy fix because you already have all the structure and bones in place. You just need to add a little more meat. For instance...he is a criminal, right? What sort of crimes did he commit? What emotions does he feel? Did his gut tighten when he felt that pang of regret? Was he young, old? How did the fear that paraylized him feel? Playing into the thoughts and emotions of a character help the reader bond with them and give them real depth that makes it easy to relate and connect to.

Any suggestions made are the sole opinion of myself as a reader. Please feel free to take what you feel helps and ignore the rest. You and you alone are the best judge of what works best for your style and the work of art you have created!

Parting Thoughts: I think you have a great tale here. You have a lot of wonderful elements packed into this short story. With a little editing and a bit more "meat" added to the character, I think this will be incredible! Please let me know if you make any revisions. I'd love to revisit this piece and give it a higher rate!

Keep writing and best wishes!

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#2937022

Review of Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer

Review by Adriana Noir

Rated: E

| (5.0)

This quiz was a lot of fun and brought back great childhood memories. You used a wide variety of questions, some of them pretty tough! I really enjoyed this stroll down memory lane and it is a perfect activity to do to get in the Christmas spirit.

Notes & Suggestions

I can't think of any suggestions. I honestly went into this thinking it would be a piece of cake and came out of it with a 50 %!

Silly presumptious me!

In Closing: Thank you for going through all the hard work to create such a fun thing for the rest of us to do. It's obvious I need to brush up on my Rudolph trivia!

Hope your Christmas is a merry one!

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#2936985

Review of Lady of the Mist

Review by Adriana Noir

Rated: ASR

| (5.0)

What a beautiful tribute to your friend. This poem has a nice flow to it and is brimming with stunning imagery that imerses the reader in your words. Your love for this special person shines through in the gift you give. I hope your friendship thrives for many years to come.

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#2936831

Review of Things Leukemia Has Taught Me

Review by Adriana Noir

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Judy,

Behind these words and beyond the struggle, shines a vivacious spirit. Your open honesty about the ups and downs you have experienced are deeply moving. I like that you share the positive and not so positive moments and point out some very valuable lessons we could all learn from. I agree 100%...too many things are taken for granted and we seldom slow down enough to enjoy life's finer moments. Life should not be a primary focus on one's self, but what we can do to touch others and enrich their lives. I think that is where true happiness and reward comes from.

I wish you all the best and will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. Here's to a speedy and full recovery.

Best wishes and happy holidays to you and yours!

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#2936792

Review of Seven

Review by Adriana Noir

Rated: E

| (4.5)

I felt drawn to this piece, having gone through similar issues with my son a year ago. He transferred into a new school in November too and faced many of the same issues. By the end of the year, things were better for him and we ended up moving back to the same place where he started school. I know the ordeal made him stronger in many ways, and in some ways wiser.

I really liked the candid emotion and honesty in this story. I felt for you, and thought this was a really well written account. The way you reflect upon Emily and how you treated her brings this story full circle and gives a poignant lesson. I agree we have all made mistakes. We are all just as capable of good as we are bad and no one is without flaw. Jealousy and a tendancy to be overprotective of what I consider to be "mine" is one of my downfalls too.

I did notice one little typo.

She said that I had been mean to her because of her faith, when, a moth ago month

Thank you for sharing this moving story and for being so open about your experiences with bullying. I think it will help a lot of people to know they are not alone, no matter what side of the fence they fall on. Well done! Best wishes and write on!

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#2933508

Review of Devil's Masquerade

Review by Adriana Noir

Rated: 13+

| (5.0)

Ello Rogue

and welcome to WDC!

Let me start off by saying I'm not a big fan of reviewing poetry. I don't know all the rules and logistics. However, I do like to read it from time to time. (I'll blame my mother for this since she is a published poet

) Your catchy title and description drew me in and the words kept me there.

What you've done is created a dark, chilling image capable of making me want to curl up and hide. the atmosphere is forboding, the imagery terrifying. Beyond that, you deliver a warning that makes the reader sit up and take heed. This is great...nice flow and ryhme. I see no suggestions I can make, but you've been warned!

I hope you enjoy your time spent on WDC as much as I do! It's always great to see new members!

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#2926181

Review of Your Thoughts on Fan Fiction

Review by Adriana Noir

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Fan-fiction. Such a touchy topic among writers. *laughs* I think it's brave to throw this out there. I will say that I love Sons of Anarchy.

Go SAMCRO! I would lie and say it's because I live in a town full of bikers, or that I grew up around them, but it is a genuinely good show that goes beyond the stereo types. I'd love to read the entries if you got any. Who knows, I might even come up with a tale or two of my own. sometimes, I just can't help myself!

As for the poll itself, I like the options. You even go so far as to take suggestions for other shows. Good job. Let me know if you get some stories rolling in!

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#2926048

Review of The Hunter

Review by Adriana Noir

Rated: 13+

| (5.0)

Greetings billwilcox! I just finished reading The Hunter and wanted to share my thoughts.

Initial Impressions:

Clever! I think deep down on that level none of us really want to admit to having, we can relate to this story. I'm not ashamed.

In fact, it made me want to ask my neighbors if they have ever been hunting before! (If you knew these people, you would empathise...they are prime canidates for the Jerry Springer show)

Characters, plot, & setting: Cletus. Obnoxious and full of noxious fumes, he's the town braggart. The man everyone loves to hate. In fact, he's so annoying people spend their hard earned money on pricy booze just to get him to shut up! Then, along comes our hero...a clever, devious man.

Trapping a person in their own lies works everytime!

I loved this twisted plot. One little trip to the woods and it's all downhill for Cletus. What I really enjoyed was the journey there, the descriptions of the man himself and the protagonist's nearly unbearable hatred. It really sets the tone for this short story.

Setting...we see what we need to. no more, no less. Though you do include great visuals like the bobbing Adam's apple.

Notes & Suggestions

I'm trying to think of something and I got no suggestions, Bill. What you wrote worked well for the length of this piece. The pace moved quickly and it keeps the reader's attention.

Note:

Please remember that these are only my opinions as a reader. Feel free to use or ignore them as you feel best suits your story and personal style. You alone are the best judge of what works for you and the work of art you created!

In Closing: I've always been a fan of your work. It's great to see the twisted sense of humor horror writers have poke through! This engaging story made me laugh out loud and nod in understanding. Not sure what that says about me, but hey!

Writers write so writers don't do. Thanks for sharing and please keep your stories coming!

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#2921545

Review of Dark Tomes

Review by Adriana Noir

Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)

As usual, you have created a masterpiece! The title and the description suit you to a perfect T, Mara! This folder creates a unique atmosphere and entices readers of any scope with the broad scope of offerings within. Romance or psychological terror, you master any genre you tackle and weave tales that will grip your reader's tight in their thrall! Now finish some of these, darling, so you can have some best sellers!

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#2919783

Review of Penance

Review by Adriana Noir

Rated: 18+

| (5.0)

Thank you so much for entering the "A MidSummer Night's Scream"

contest!

First Impressions: Ohhhh...SoCal! I didn't know what I wanted to do more: cringe, hide, or cry. While utterly horrifying and monsterous, this story will also break your reader's heart. What an excellent job and a confusing mix of emotions!

Characters, plot, and setting:
You did an astounding job with character development. I went from feeling a bit of disdain toward Laura, to a smirk of amusment (I would have shoved Clint down the steps as well

) to sitting here with fat tears welling in my eyes. She goes through any lengths imaginable to protect and salvage the man she loves. Though her actions may not always be admirable, the setiments behind them are.

The plot...it ties in with much of what I said above in Laura's character. Her attemtps to save the man she loves, backfires and in turn, she must endure a fate worse than losing him. At least, I would think that is...though not dead, he is suffering and is doomed to do so for eternity. I also liked the scientific element behind it....her research. So many terrible things have come from scientists mesing around with things they didn't understand...killer bees for instance and a list of terrifying diseases that will wipe us all out if they ever have an accident with those. However..we are all thankful for the cures, aren't we?

Setting...you never have a problem with those. I found the basement scene particularly engrossing.

Technical/Grammatical errors:
A few of your dialouge tags weren't right. A simple slip overshadowed by your story!

Suggestions for Improvement:

Just a careful read through to catch those tricky tags. Everything else was perfect!

Any suggestions made are the sole opinion of myself as a reader. Please feel free to take what you feel helps and ignore the rest. You and you alone are the best judge of what works best for your style and the work of art you have created!

Parting Thoughts: Bravo! Horror doesn't often make me cry, but you did an exceptional job and hit a key point that often gets me riled. Thank you so much for this wonderful entry! Best wishes and good luck in the contest!

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#2919594

Review of Developing a Novel-Writing Process

Review by Adriana Noir

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Thank you so much for entering the "A MidSummer Night's Scream"

contest!

First Impressions: Whoah! This is one twisted tale. I loved all the unexpected turns you took with this story and the way you kept the reader on edge, wondering if Deb was haunted or crazy.

Characters, plot, and setting:
I took the bait: hook, line, and sinker. You created a realistic, compelling cast. Deb is easy to relate to and Greg, comes off as likeable...the hero of the story...or so we believe. My mother always said to beware of the devils who would whisper honeyed lies into your ear...or something like that.

Sad thing is, I am sure many people have been duped in their lives by someone they trusted. Thankfully probably not to this extent...but still!

Excellent plot. You took enough turns that I couldn't predict the outcome. You kept me guessing and pulled off each turn of events with credible ease. I especially liked the one crucial moment where she took a sip of her pop. In that moment, the world came crashing down. Both for Deb and your reader.

Setting...this story is more action based but we got a good feel where the characters were at all times.

Technical/Grammatical errors:
"Great! A perverted ghost. Sorry, I should be making light of--" shouldn't

Ever seen that move A Beautiful Mind? movie

One other side note..in the begining, Deb reflects how her mother keeps saying she should marry Greg...but when she talks to the shrink, she states that both of her parents are dead. If this is the case, it should be something like: her mother always said she should marry Greg.

Suggestions for Improvement:

I really liked this story as it was. Even still, I would have liked a little more interaction from this spirit..a little more desperation from him or emotion. If he was there to warn her...this is just my opinion, but I think it could add a lot more suspense and emotion.

Any suggestions made are the sole opinion of myself as a reader. Please feel free to take what you feel helps and ignore the rest. You and you alone are the best judge of what works best for your style and the work of art you have created!

Parting Thoughts: Awesome story. I loved the twisted end and how she goes from fearing this appiration to waiting for him. My gut twisted for her and the heartache she must have went through to be so deceived. Thank you so much for your entry. Best wishes and good luck in the contest!

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#2918913

Review of The Widow's Window

Review by Adriana Noir

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

Thank you so much for entering the "A MidSummer Night's Scream"

contest!

First Impressions: Great, creative premise. What appears to be a classic ghost story, takes a chilling, unexpected twist!

Characters, plot, and setting: I grew rather fond of our widowed protagonist. A struggling writer, he comes across as believeable and likeable. His reactions to the mysterious writing on his computer were something I imagine many of us would have done, had we been in his shoes.

The plot, as I said, takes an unexpected twist. He believes he is researching a murderer. However, he comes to find it is not the tormented spirit haunting him, but that of his widowed wife. The end was absolutely chilling, as she reaches beyond the grave to secure herself a bit of company. The mention of the crying children as they succumed to the pox was an excellent touch.

I really liked the old fashioned English town and the way you described the cemetary. Your settings were perfect for this story.

Technical/Grammatical errors: I didn't notice any off hand and am well aware of the difference in spelling between our country and yours.

Suggestions for Improvement:

One thing that was unlear to me...was Bernadette really the pub owner's wife, or was she haunting him? Or did the ghost merely make the widower believe she was the pub owner's wife in order to garner his trust? This is the only area of your story I feel needs a little improvement.

Any suggestions made are the sole opinion of myself as a reader. Please feel free to take what you feel helps and ignore the rest. You and you alone are the best judge of what works best for your style and the work of art you have created!

Parting Thoughts: This was a wonderful story and very well written. I loved the creative twists you threw at the reader! Thank you so much for your entry! Best wishes and good luck in the contest!

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#2917831

Review of The Lighter Side of Dark

Review by Adriana Noir

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Thank you for entering A MidSummer Night's Scream Horror Contest!

Initial impressions:

What a delightful tribute to some of your dear friends and some great pillars of the WDC community! This entry is unique, fun, and beautifully written. I loved your word choices and the way you described the imagery.

The characters: The fledgling witch and her group of mentors were endearing. I loved the potrayl of the little boy and his antics with his sister. Even his attitude rang true to today's impetuous youth. Her attempts to correct him provide an interesting turn of events.

Setting/Plot: You did a wonderful job describing the scenery. Your wording made me envious! As for the plot, I loved her turmoil as she feared judgement..the antics of both child and magic, and the subsequent end. You wove all together beautifully.

Suggestions for improvement:

None!

Technical/Grammatical Errors: The boy had mimicked the mild tone and repeated the words; asking her why hewas always he was

Note:

Please remember that these are only my opinions as a reader. Feel free to use or ignore them as you feel best suits your story and personal style. You alone are the best judge of what works for you and the work of art you created!

Overall Opinion & Final Notes: I really enjoyed this tale. As a practicing Wiccan, I was touched to see your portrayl of witches. Not all have warts, henious cackles, or black hearts. You showed the love, light and acceptance many of us embrace. Thank you so much for your entry. Best wishes and good luck in the contest!

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#2916399

Review of Foggy Reality

Review by Adriana Noir

Rated: 13+

| (2.5)

Thank you so much for entering the "A MidSummer Night's Scream"

contest!

First Impressions: I give this story tons of credit where creativity and plot twists come into play. It was a virtual roller coaster ride, each turn leading to another exhilerating rush.

You have a fascinating premise here nad the ending took me by complete surprise...twice! Awesome.

Characters, plot, and setting: The characters presented in this story were intruiging. From the girl in the cemetary to the old woman in the farm house, to the town sheriff, each one played an important role.

The setting meandered from old cemetaries, to run down farm houses and backwards towns. It worked well with your plot and gave the story a sinister "Wrong Turn" feel.

I loved the twisted plot and the way you kept the readers guessing until the very end. I doubt even the most seasoned predictor could see the outcome of this story coming.

Technical/Grammatical errors:
In the title description, horrable should be horrible

Not having any flashlight with me, I hoped to get enough light from the headlight’s to see headlights

As I slowly walked into the cemetery, my headlight's cascading headlights there is no posessive tense shown here, but plural

“What the hell is going on here? I heard this knock on my driver side window. I glanced out, going on here?"

Not sure how many miles down the road I drove, I reached the next town. I found a police station, walked in and started to explain my story. I couldn’t believe my eyes, standing before me was a man in his seventies, as big as a house. “Excuse me, are you a police officer?”

Oops. This paragraphs seems to appear twice.

“Well darling there is no road around here with a cemetery. Now I was puzzled. cemetary."

There were no doctor’s, doctors

Suggestions for Improvement:

A few things jumped out at me as a reader. The first being the use of this. This little girl, this cemetary, this noise, etc. This is a jarring word to a reader and tends to distance them from the story. A or an works just as well if not better. Try reading it through with those articles instead of 'this' and see what you think.

Most of your transitions were very rough and abrupt, leading to moments of confusion as a reader. For example, when she was in the car talking to the old lady, she is suddenly in a room. You didn't lead into it, easing the reader into the scene change. Something as simple as "and then things faded to black." Would help clarify what is happening. I'm sure you can think of a better way than my example.

When you say things like "I heard a strange sound" the reader becomes curious. We want to see and hear things from your point of view. Rather than saying it was strange, describe it. show us what it sounded like. This can help draw the reader in and heighten suspense.

I didn't understand how the old woman said her granddaughter had been dead for three years, but the sheriff said the family died in a fire twenty years ago. Did Eve pass away before the rest of the family?

Any suggestions made are the sole opinion of myself as a reader. Please feel free to take what you feel helps and ignore the rest. You and you alone are the best judge of what works best for your style and the work of art you have created!

Parting Thoughts: I really enjoyed this story and think it has tons of potential. With just a little polishing, it could go from good to outstanding! Thank you so much for your entry. Best wishes and good luck in the contest!

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#2916048

Review of No Ho Ho Here

Review by Adriana Noir

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

Initial impressions: This was a fun story, ripe with political references that make us all laugh in understanding. Great timing for this piece.

The characters: As always, you explore the relationship between husband and wife with a realistic twist. I found it humorous to see this presidential canidate scramble to appeasehis wife, be it through words or actions. It's nice to image they are still human at this point.

The banter between this seasoned couple is what really made me laugh. spouse or not, his wife doesn't seem any more convinced of his sincere intentions to change the country as the rest of us. Ha Ha!

Setting/Plot: The setting was described just well enough that we know where they are and why. the plot, interesting in that I don't think I've ever seen a canidate dress in costume before.

The one thing that really stood out here was the lone spider in his beard, unnoticed by the public. Is it just me, or was that a hint that he was just as predatory, ensaring them in his web of deceipt?

Suggestions for improvement:

I know this was for a writer's cramp contest and you only have so many words to use, but it would have been nice to have a few clues about what these two looked like.

Technical/Grammatical Errors: None noticed.

Note:

Please remember that these are only my opinions as a reader. Feel free to use or ignore them as you feel best suits your story and personal style. You alone are the best judge of what works for you and the work of art you created!

Overall Opinion & Final Notes: I had a blast reading through this piece. The humor and political undertones were perfect with elections right around the corner. As always, you deliver a great read. Let's hope there are no spiders will be inducted in January!

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#2915314

Review of Sweet Samantha

Review by Adriana Noir

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

Initial impressions: Holy canoli! What a roller coaster ride of suspense! This intense story barely gives the reader time to breathe. Packed full of interesting twists and turns, it creates a taut and sinster atmospehere.

The characters: Greg, the average guy nextdoor and his picture, Samantha. Even the summary sounds interesting.

He was well-rounded and believeable. (except for that picture thing)

Setting/Plot: The plot moves along quickly as we follow the character's progress from one town to the next on a job assignment. I felt the beginning lagged a bit, but the introduction of Larry did play a part in the plot and set up some of the town's setting.

I loved the way you led me to think that Greg was perhaps going a little nutty. Then, the way you had the townsfolk explain Bob and his untimely demise shifted my brain to another way of thinking. You effortlessly steer your reader down different paths so the ending will no doubt come as a shock.

I do wonder how Bob managed to pull this off though. Was it the foriegn religion?

Suggestions for improvement:

I loved the twist at the end. That said, I did feel the revelation came about too quickly. Take your time here and unravel it slowly, the way one would a decadant chocolate. i know it's exciting to approach the end of a story we've slaved over, but I think a little more time spent on the final scene would be even more rewarding to your audience.

Technical/Grammatical Errors: None noticed. Great job there.

Note:

Please remember that these are only my opinions as a reader. Feel free to use or ignore them as you feel best suits your story and personal style. You alone are the best judge of what works for you and the work of art you created!

Overall Opinion & Final Notes: Excellent tale with many twists and turns. This is a great ride full of so many different elements. I'm sure there is something for everyone nestled within these lines. Thanks for sharing this entertaining read!

Best wishes,
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#2914435

Review of Adriana A to Z!

Review by Adriana Noir

Rated: 13+

Ohhh! TT!

This is a hysterical but accurate portrayal of...well...ME!

some of it is hard to admit, like the bratty or snarky, or the fact that I wheedle and sceme or...yes...that I have moments like Monk. What this does show is that you pay attention to the little things and are one of the only pleople who truly know me inside and out.

Thank you so much for this humorous and candid tributewritten with that unique McBain flair! I think!

You truly are the best and I loves ya more than life. ((huggs))

Terror twins...taking over the world one step at a time!

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"The WDC Angel Army"

"SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP"

and host of "A MidSummer Night's Scream"

horror extravaganza!

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#2913718

Review of I Walk

Review by Adriana Noir

Rated: 18+

| (5.0)

Thank you so much for entering the "A MidSummer Night's Scream"

contest!

First Impressions: I have to admit, your description and opening line really struck me. I actually blurted out "Oh cool!" which drew a raised eyebrow from my partner in crime tonight, but hey!

Awesome way to grab a reader's attention.

There is a sense of urgency--of panic that resonates off the page and seizes a reader's attention. It felt similar to being grabbed by the throat and shaken like a ragdoll. What a wonderful feeling when reading horror!

Characters, plot, and setting: We know so little about the character, or the setting. Normally, that would be an issue, but what mattered here was the character's voice and the plot. You did an amazing job creating a unique voice and instilling the same emotions of fear and panic in the reader that the narrator portrayed.

I believe keeping the "monster" an unknown force or entity was a genius decision on your part. It leaves so much up to the imagination and gave this story a chilling touch of realisim. The end...ohh...I don't want to ruin it for anyone who reads this review, but brava!

Suggestions for Improvement:

I'm hard pressed, but the part of the note that had incomplete words listed made me squint in confusion. I can't help wondering if filling in those fragments wouldn't add even more intensity. Then again, I'm not sure my poor heart could have handled pounding any harder!

Any suggestions made are the sole opinion of myself as a reader. Please feel free to take what you feel helps and ignore the rest. You and you alone are the best judge of what works best for your style and the work of art you have created!

Parting Thoughts: Beleive me when I say it is hard to do, but your ending actually left me with a physical shiver. The kind i normally only get when someone is recanting a true ghost story. Excellent! I don't know if it is the unknown part or the hushed cover-up, but you gave me a chill! I really enjoyed this unique persepctive on horror. Thank you so much for your entry! Best wishes and good luck in the contest!

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#2913687

Review of Charles Hemingway von Liechtenstein

Review by Adriana Noir

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Greetings Wildleaf

! I just finished reading your story and wanted to share my thoughts.

Initial Impressions: Charles is one interesting character! I loved his free spirit and how he clings to the same youthful enthusiasim we all had as children.

I think many of us can relate to this quirky character. He does not want to be tied down and penned into a corner by a job. He wants to work to live, not live to work. I think that is the most tedious part of the whole shebang too, the dreadful monotony of doing the same thing day in and day out. You captured that well and showed what it would be like to rebel against the system!

Notes & Suggestions

I honestly felt the ending was a bit too abrupt. I felt thrown, as if I had missed something. I think an expanded ending would really benefit this fun tale.

Note:

Please remember that these are only my opinions as a reader. Feel free to use or ignore them as you feel best suits your story and personal style. You alone are the best judge of what works for you and the work of art you created!

In Closing: Well written, this fast paced story is certain to entertain many readers. I think we all have a little bit of Charles in us! It's been a pleasure reviewing your work! Best wishes.

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#2912299

Review of A Journey To Love

Review by Adriana Noir

Rated: ASR

| (5.0)

Greetings Joy

! I just finished reading your poem and wanted to share my thoughts.

Initial Impressions: Honestly, I'm not a big fan of reviewing poems because I never know what to say. My favortie ones always convey more than emotion, they tell a tale and yours does that. I cannot fathom the amount of dedication, sweat, and hard work you must have poured into this piece. Not only have you written a story, but paced it with metre and rhyme. *shakes my head in envy*

This was an amazing tale of inner struggles and self discovery. It's about love and acceptance above and beyond the scope we normally percieve in our day to day lives. The end is what i found to be the most profound, for in that single moment, you tied everything together in a beautiful way.

Notes & Suggestions

I have none. I'm not a poet and your work here blew me away. I tip my hat to you.

Note:

Please remember that these are only my opinions as a reader. Feel free to use or ignore them as you feel best suits your story and personal style. You alone are the best judge of what works for you and the work of art you created!

In Closing:
You have such diverse talent as a writer. It seems no matter what you put your mind to, you succeed. Please do keep up the great work, for you are always a pleasure to read. Best wishes!

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#2912277

Review of Guidelines to Great Reviewing - The Quiz

Review by Adriana Noir

Rated: ASR

| (4.5)

Greetings The StoryMaster

,

I took your quiz to see how well I knew the guidelines to great reviewing and thought I would drop you a few lines to let you know what I thought. This would get a 5, for the mere fun-factor. However, the choices seemed a bit obvious and too easy! Surely that isn't a sign that I spend too much time reviewing!

I'm proud to say that I got all the answers correct, though I did ponder the last one with a laugh. Nanny nanny boo boo....

There are some in every boat, yes?

Thank you for a fun way to test my knowledge and a great way to blow off some steam. Maybe you can make a more challenging version for those of us who live and breathe WDC?

Hope you and the family are all doing well. Best wishes!

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#2888668

Review of The Prisoner

Review by Adriana Noir

Rated: 13+

| (4.0)

Greetings Jerry Mouse

! I just finished reading your story The Prisoner and wanted to share my thoughts.

Initial Impressions: Gripping tale of condomnation and misery. I loved the premise for why the prisoner was being punished. A great throwback to medieval times and the totaltarisim of the monarchy! You have a way with words and the rhythmic build up of suspense kept my interest throughout.

Characters, plot, & setting: The character in this tale was fascinating. Nameless, he is known only by a number and the nature of his crime. We see the world through his eyes as he spends his days in total darkness. The setting was creepy with a dank, dark, odiferious cell as the backdrop and rats as the only company. That is..until something sinister and unknown makes its grand enterance. Was it his imagination, or something more? The only way to find out is to read this suspenseful tale!

Notes & Suggestions

He had imprisoned so long ago in fact that his name had He had been imprisoned

It was definitely a sound he had not heard before. It was a strange, alien sound that was definitely emanating You use definately twice here and very close together. I would consider dropping one, if not both.

There is a lot of repetition. Mostly with the use of adverbs...definately, sickly, etc. While adverbs are not a sin, most can be avoided by using stronger, active descriptions. For example, slowly drained{/} could be ebbed, receded, etc. Just a thought, but it could help draw your readers in more and heithen the intensity.

While unique, I didn't understand the end. Was the prisoner a ghost or were the guards refering to something else. This was a little unclear to me and left me feeling confused.

Note: Please remember that these are only my opinions as a reader. Feel free to use or ignore them as you feel best suits your story and personal style. You alone are the best judge of what works for you and the work of art you created!

In Closing: This was a faascinating read and I'm so glad I had a moment before dinner to sit and enjoy it. Please remember that my suggestions are just that. you are a talented author with tremendous potential. Best wishes!

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