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1,392 Public Reviews Given
2,269 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
In depth, detailed, and honest. I always point out the things I enjoyed most about an item, highlighting the strengths along with any weaknesses or glitches I might find. To me, it's important to let a writer know how something made you feel and what reactions you had when reading, not just the technical aspects.
I'm good at...
Characterization, punctuation, plot, and grammar.
Favorite Genres
Anything dark and angsty. Horror, erotica, dark dramas are usually my favorites.
Least Favorite Genres
Westerns, Sci-Fi, and comedy.
I will not review...
Poetry and non-fiction. I read these for pleasure alone. I don't know enough about the technicalities to give a decent or useful review. Any comments I send are always just based on my personal reactions as a reader.
Public Reviews
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26
26
Review by Adriana Noir
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi there, Nicki! *Bigsmile*

I't's been too long since I last treated myself to a visit in your port. So here I am, *coffebl* in hand, settling down to another one of your literary treats. What can I say? It's been a wonderful afternoon so far!

I couldn't resist this one. The title and description piqued my interest. What a fascinating concept! As humans, were are always striving to improve ourselves and any perceived weakness or flaws we have stand out in our mind like a glaring red flag. You captured that essence so well in this story. I felt for Ricky. I could relate to his self-consciousness and plight. He blamed every aspect he wasn't pleased with in his life on being deaf. don't we all do this to some extent? Lord the list of reasons we make. We aren't attractive enough, thin enough, talented enough, social enough...whatever! *Worry* This alone made him complex. Add to that the emotional angst of pining for a woman he didn't have and this mysterious coin and you have a recipie for disaster.

As usual, your writing is very descriptive. You have a way of drawing the reader in and describing things that makes one feel very much a part of the setting. We smell, feel, hear, see...and often taste whatever the characters do. I really loved the rumbles and vibrations of his world...so very important. I've often heard when someone can't see or hear, their other senses are kicked into heightened overdrive. You played on that so well and your line about the wind being like a butterfly...so beautiful! Prime exapmle of why you are one of my favorite writers, on site or off. You got mad skills, sista! *Bigsmile*

The tension in the apartment was great. My heart pounded when the intruder made his presence known! i couldn't help but worry and wonder what would happen next and experiencing the chaos through Ricky's skin really put a new and unique spin on things. Terrifying!

You really wrapped things up in an outstanding manner at the end. It played perfectly into the title and description you gave. so important to many of us readers. That is after all, the promise that made us click on an item to begin with! It was a grim end, but it fit the story so well. That brief bid of elation made Ricky's fate heartbreaking. A sweet taste of freedom ripped away too soon...and I swear you made it feel like I too, was finally able to hear for the first time. *Envy*

Excellent tale. I would reccommend this to anyone looking for a great read. It had a gripping plot, fantastic description, and realistic characters. Thanks so much for sharing your talents with us. I always walk away humbled and in awe.

~Best wishes and happy writing!~
Adriana *Moon*
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27
27
Review by Adriana Noir
Rated: 13+ | N/A (Review only item.)
Hi there, ♥Hooves♥ ! *Smile* I am reviewing your story as a judge for the "Short Shots: Official WDC Contest"   by Writing.Com Support . Thanks for entering!

*Fleurdelis* Initial impressions: Fantastic opening! You grabbed my attention from the start with that unusual first line and somber follow-up. I instantly wanted to know more. Once I kept reading, my heart twisted and I sat here blinking back tears. I knew it would be a sad story given your opening, but whew, this was like a sucker punch to the soul.

While short, this story is both beautiful and powerfully written. It gives voice to a victim and paints a strong picture of the wounds ripped in so many that day. Not just the ones who died, but the family, friends, and loved ones left behind as well. You made me cry. *Cry*

*Fleurdelis* The characters: Our heroine is nameless, but I can see why you did this. Honestly, I saw it as a measure of respect, while still paying hommage to those who did die. This could easily be any woman who showed up to work that fateful morning. She was so young and vibrant...full of life and hope for the future. So sad to think how many must have admired those views, never knowing what would one day come.

One thing that really struck me was her bikeride through Ireland, and no, that wasn't just the Irish in me. *Wink* It was such a small detail really, but I was so glad for this, and that our MC had a chance to do it before her short life was snuffed out. I would love nothing more than to get to visit my mother land before I go. Overall, she seemed like your average young person, looking forward to starting her life and full of the excitement that comes with the first steps in that journey.

*Fleurdelis* Setting/Plot: New York City in early September. You gave some nice details here. I could see, feel, and smell the air as well as some of the sights.

I think I touched on the plot more than I meant to while covering character, but this was a touching story about life, loss, and the effects of 9/11. I saw no flaws in either.

*Fleurdelis* Style & Voice: Haunting, beautiful, yet you still managed to keep a clean minimalistic style. This character had a very distinct voice that will resonate with people long after they finish reading.

*Star*Favorite Part:*Star* I liked the total package here and the emotional impact. Beyond that, I'm impressed with your opening. It was a heck of a hook!

*Idea*Suggestions for Improvement:*Idea*
You did a great job. I wish there had been more. not so much a suggestion, as it is greed on my part. LOL

Note: These are only my honest opinions as a reader. Feel free to use or ignore them as you wish. You alone are the best judge of what works for you and the work of art you created! *Smile*


~Best wishes, happy writing, and best of luck to you in the contest!~ *Heart*
Adriana
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28
28
Review of The Presentation  
Review by Adriana Noir
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi there, 🌕 HuntersMoon ! *Smile* I am reviewing your story as a judge for the "Short Shots: Official WDC Contest"   by Writing.Com Support . Thanks for entering!

*Fleurdelis* Initial impressions: What a delightful tale! This story reminded me of that age old addage that sometimes in life, you either have to laugh or cry...and well, let's face it. Most of us prefer to laugh! *Laugh* Since it wasn't happening to me, I of course saw the humor in it...but good grief have I had days like this where nothing seems to go right and anything that could go wrong did! Very relatable and fun tale.

*Fleurdelis* The characters: I thought Meredith was a pretty likeable gal! She reminded me a lot of myself, but only because of all of her cursed luck! I couldn't help but wonder if she had a touch of the Irish in her! *laughs*

She came across as the kind of woman you could run into at any given time. But what really made her stand out was her humor, and her strength. Despite everything, she refused to give up hope, and kept striving to find a way and the up side to every situation. My hat goes off to her in this department! She was someone we coule relate to, root for, and like. Great job.

*Fleurdelis* Setting/Plot: Good job with setting.I had a clear picture of the character surroundings at all times, even wehn you shifted scenes. I liked the small details you included. they helped me feel like a part of this story. One of my favorite settings had to be the parking garage. You did a wonderful job there.

The plot was fairly simple. It started with a dream sequence, hopeful ambitions on Meredith's part and moved into the struggle of her trying to reach that goal. Her day wis riddled with accidents and conflict which kept things moving and fun to read. More than once, I winced in empathy. i felt you formed a solid structure here and had a nice story arc!

*Fleurdelis* Style & Voice: Beautifully written. I loved the wording and the way this story flowed. You gave beautiful detail without bogging down the pace. the character had a liekable voice and personality, and this story was ploished to a shine.

*Star*Favorite Part:*Star* I really liked the ending you chose. What an ironic twist! It felt like a perfect culmination to Meredith's hectic day and her reaction to it had me in stitches.

*Idea*Suggestions for Improvement:*Idea* I'd be hard pressed to come up with anything. This was a well rounded and enjoyable read with no errors or loop holes noted!

Note: These are only my honest opinions as a reader. Feel free to use or ignore them as you wish. You alone are the best judge of what works for you and the work of art you created! *Smile*


~Best wishes, happy writing, and best of luck to you in the contest!~ *Heart*
Adriana
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29
29
Review of A Good Deed  
Review by Adriana Noir
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi there, Jaeff | KBtW of the Free Folk ! *Smile* I am reviewing your story as a judge for the "Short Shots: Official WDC Contest"   by Writing.Com Support . Thanks for entering!

*Fleurdelis* Initial impressions: I will admit right off the bat, I'm not a huge fan of zombie anything. Growing up, they were an overkill in my house, with every Night of the Living Dead sequal and spawn imaginable. That said, this was a well-written story that I actually *gasp* enjoyed! It might well be the end of the world! *laughs* Seriously though, they played such a small role in this tale, that I was willing to overlook their presence. Overall, this was an enjoyable and gripping read about survival and the human instinct to do whatever is necessary to keep in breathing. Kudos!

*Fleurdelis* The characters: I found Stella fascinating. She's the same fun-size as me, so I was thrilled to find out what a strong little fighter she is! Just goes to show you can't judge a book by it's cover. What I really enjoyed here were the layers and facets to this character. She was tough and willing to do whatever it took to survive. Her thoughts about the little boy showed this. She didn't want to help him...but in the end, her conscience came through and she did the right thing. This was a case of great character development and giving the readers someone (and that change) to root for. Well played.

*Fleurdelis* Setting/Plot: Great job with the setting. You layed a soild visual plan for readers. I could well imagine the ramsacked grocery store and shelving units. It made me shudder. I hope I never find myself in a place like this.

Plot was interesting! I liked the apocolyptic aspect and the fierce need for survival. Be it zombies, weather, or the whole end of the world threat wev'e been hearing about since the dawn of man...most of us have pondered a situation like this at one time or another. Throw in dwindling food, the looming threat of danger, and a little boy who's existence could well be an added burden and you have a series of events that make for an interesting ride.

*Fleurdelis* Style & Voice: Great descriptions! Everything was clear and detailed while maintaining and easy flow. It's hard to pull this off, but you did it quite well.

*Star*Favorite Part:*Star* I absolutley loved the end. The bunkers were a wonderful surprise for both Stella and reader alike and her parting thoughts wrapped things up nicely. I've always been a fan of stories that end with some thought or lesson to ponder, implied or otherwise. Great touch!

*Idea*Suggestions for Improvement:*Idea*
*Bullet* He kept looking up and her, refusing to loosen his grasp
Did you mean 'at' her?

*Bullet* I'm not sure the speech pattern and sentence structure fits for a seven or eight year old child. Not many of them are going to say something as formal proper as "in the weeks leading up to the outbreak." Before the outbreak maybe...but even outbreak seems a little far above board. Before the monsters or something along those lines might fit better given the child.

*Bullet* there were a few places where you use Stella's name quite a bit, even starting two sentences in a row with it. I find myself doing this quite often too. *Blush* Don't be afraid to use other terms or mix it up a bit. We will remember her name, I promise.

Note: These are only my honest opinions as a reader. Feel free to use or ignore them as you wish. You alone are the best judge of what works for you and the work of art you created! *Smile*


~Best wishes, happy writing, and best of luck to you in the contest!~ *Heart*
Adriana
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30
30
Review by Adriana Noir
Rated: E | (5.0)
*salutes* Brave man! Hmmm...looks like someone is missing a lot of their gear! *Laugh* It happens from time to time I guess, always being in a hurry. Stay safe and best of luck to you always. Thank you for all that your brothers and sisters do. *Heart*

~Best wishes and happy writing!~
Adriana
31
31
Review by Adriana Noir
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
I'm always scrolling through the contest listing looking for something to bait my interest. This one definitely caught my eye. It looks promising and I think it's something a lot of people will enjoy. I love that you give new prompts once a week and the generous word count allows writers to develop their stories. Not to mention the rating system giving everyone free reign to do as they will. *Thumbsup*

Everything was laid out neatly and your rules and guidelines were clear and easy to understand. That right there is half the battle because people won't walk away feeling overwhelmed. I hope to see this one stick around and gain a following. I'll certainly be keeping an eye on it. Thanks for hosting such a fun activity and good luck! *Shamrock*

~Best wishes and happy writing!~

Adriana *Moon*
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32
32
Review by Adriana Noir
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
I really have to give you credit here, Nicki! Reading the prompt, I would have thought there would be no way to weave an interesting story out of this, but you have. Not only did it hold me captivated, but it brought tears to my eyes! I could picture everything so clearly and oh my God, was I scared for Christian! *Shock*

You really ratched the tension here. I could see the brush, feel the scorching heat, taste the grit on my tongue and....whew! How terrifying it must be to be ambushed that way, to have no idea what they are shouting, and to wonder if every second will be your last. I loved the bravado Christian showed. I'm beyond confident I would not have been so brave.

Despite the horror and the threat of violence, this was, beyond anything else a story of love and endurance. This ring, much like it's wearer, I'm sure, wanted nothing more than to return back to his beloved. And after so short a time of being married too....when life and love have only just begun.

You never fail to amaze me, Nicki! Everything you write is always so creative and visually stunning. And almost always packed with emotions that choke up the reader and leave them sitting breathless. I haven't read any other entries for this round, but after reading this, I would say they would be hard presssed to beat you. Best of luck in the contest to you! *clover*

~Best wishes and happy writing!~

Adriana *Moon*
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33
33
Review of Strays  
Review by Adriana Noir
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Yet again, you never fail to amaze me, TT. There is such depth here, such anguish and pain between the dialogue and the cop's remeniscing thoughts, that one cannot help but feel for him, as well as his neice. It's an awkward position to be in, takking in a teen you hardly know, or going to live with a relative you aren't even sure wants you. Cass has lost everything she's known and she's hurt. Jared's world has been turned upside down and this kid reminds him of the brother he lost. You showed their struggles and conflict so well.

You really have a gift for dialogue. It's so realisitc. Sometimes it's cutting and witty, and other times profound, but as a reader, I always look forward to hearing what your chracters have to say.

I only noticed two little things you may want to take a look at.

*Bullet* “Maybe not, but you’re going through a lot right now and It’s going
it's

and

*Bullet* 'I'd trade places with them if I could.',
Here I'm pretty sure the comma should go inside the quotation mark. It's one of those weird punctuation rules. *Wink*

Another gripping and emotional tale penned by one of my favorite authors on this site. Thank you for sharing your talents, and for being so generous to do it for free. Best of luck to you in the contest! I know you will fix the errors I've pointed out...because you always do, so I'm saving myself the trouble of doing another review and giving you your deserved 5 now. Yes, I'm lazy these days. *Laugh*

~Best wishes and happy writing!~
Adriana *Moon*
34
34
Review by Adriana Noir
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
This is really a beautiful and heartfelt item. Reading this made it hard to fight back the tears. We've all felt the sting of loss...this we can relate to, but this was so personal, that I felt like I got an inside glimpse at this guy and what made him so very special to you. It also struck home hard. I lost three good friends in high school, all on the same day in a car accident....and my best childhood friend ten years ago to the same.

Your words were beautifully crafted and painted strong images. I could imagine so well the bright eyes and smile, the carefree joy of dancing in the snowstorm. What better gift can we give to someone we love than words wrapped with ribbons from the heart? I have no suggestions, this was a well written piece that flowed freely from the soul.

I'm deeply sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing the beauty of your journey and allowing us to share in the life you two shared.

~Best wishes and happy writing~
Adriana *Moon*
35
35
Review of The Library Lady  
Review by Adriana Noir
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
What a beautiful story! I loved how you tied it all together at the end and made everything come full circle. I have to admit, I feel a bit bad about laughing at your title on the phone now, TT, because it fits this story so well.

These characters are what truly made the tale shine. There was a sense of loneliness I got from Tricia, but it was something she seemed to be able to fill with her books and the time she spent with Kasey. Only someone who loves to read or write would understand the freedom and comfort waiting to be found in written word. Because of this, she's able to form a bond with this young girl. It fills the void left in both of them after they lost the people they loved.

As usual, you use great description and managed to pen another moving story. The pace moved right along and I definitely wanted to know more about these characters and what would happen next. It's a beautiful story of hope, compassion, and moving on despite the curveballs life throws. Write on!

~Best wishes and happy writing
Adriana *Moon*
36
36
Review by Adriana Noir
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
*Laugh* What a fun and jaunty little poem this was, and quite a thrilling story to boot! Weight loss is always and uphill battle, but it seems like it's much more of a struggle when someone (like a boss!) challenges us. I'm not sure what brought that bet on, but it sure did lead to some sweaty and amusing antics! I could see everything very clearly, as well as feel the exhaustion and disappointment. This is something I think a lot of people can relate to, as most of us have been there at one time or another! Unfortunately. *Wink*

There were a few places where the tempo seemed off or the lines a bit forced, but overall, this was really enjoyable and very fun to read. I had a great time visiting your port today. Thanks for giving me this opportunity. I'd love to come back and visit again sometime, as you are very talented and have a great outlook on life and interesting opinions to tell. *Heart*

~best wishes always!~
Adriana
37
37
Review by Adriana Noir
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
You are killing me today. *Cry* This was so powerful it literally brought me to tears. I've lost so many family members to cancer, including both paternal grandparents and a 7 year old cousin and you captured the feelings of hopelessness, desperation and pain so well here. The soul-wrenching plea for more time resonates off the page and goes deep into the heart of the reader. This wasn't so much about the affliction itself, but the impact it has on life and love---the entire world as we know it. You did an amazing job with this. This is a poem that will reach out to many and echo within them. Beautiful, beautiful job. *Heart*

~Best wishes~
Adriana
38
38
Review of Bathtub Haven  
Review by Adriana Noir
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Awww! My heart broke for this poor quivering puppy, yet I had to crack a smile and giggle at his cowardice too. My mom had a cat that would act the exact same way whenever a thunderstorm approached . . .it was kind of like having a real young kid in the house all over again! At any rate, I really enjoyed this poem. You managed to tell an entire story, while still keeping to a great rhyme and flow! That's difficult to do and your word choices really made this a fun read. The reader gets a great visual of you and your dog, as well as the emotional struggle both of you face whenever he gets scared. *Thumbsup*

~Best wishes and happy writing!~
Adriana *Moon*
39
39
Review by Adriana Noir
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi there, WhoMe! *Bigsmile* This is the first of five reviews gifted to you through "The Member's Auction." I clicked on this, hoping for a good laugh and you did not disappoint! I really enjoyed this quick tale and the fast, crisp pace you told it in, keeping the punchline first and foremost in focus. I hate to say it, but I probably would have had the same reaction! *Laugh* Thanks for sharing your mishaps with us and for giving the gift of laughter!

~best wishes and happy writing!~
Adriana*Moon*
40
40
Review of Let Me  
Review by Adriana Noir
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi there, Eric and welcome to WDC! *Bigsmile* What a beautiful outlook on life and a grand way to start things off here. I couldn't help but be moved as I read this and wish the rest of the world played by these lovely tidbits of wisdom. There's a grace and beauty to your words. The only suggestion I would have is to possibly try to reformat it into a poem...or into something where the beginning is not as repetitive. Either way though, it's quite good. *Smile*

~Best wishes and happy writing!~
Adriana *Moon*
41
41
Review of The Watercourse  
Review by Adriana Noir
In affiliation with The Dark Society  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi there, Bill! As promised, I'm back for a second read and rate. I really love the changes you have made this time around and have no suggestions for improvement. (I had a hard enough time the first time I read this!) *Smile*

~ What an awesome combination here! I think readers would be pleasantly surprised by the ending and find that this reaches far beyond your average horror story. It's a tale of love and redemption. It shows the price we pay for some of our mistakes, and how not everything is always lost.

~ Jack and Penny were endearing characters. I fell in love with this brave young man as he struggled to keep his sister safe and happy in a strange and terrifying place. You could feel the love he had for her, his sense of devotion and that protective streak us women just love. I wish my big brother were as nice! *laughs*

~ As usual, you weave an entire world with your words. I felt submerged in the rich setting and the pacing moved along perfectly. Just enough given to keep me intruiged and reading along at a fevered pace. The end was, perhaps, the most outstanding element. I never saw that twist coming, though it is also my belief that there is a special place waiting for . . . well, for people like Momma.

Outstanding story! I dare say I'm envious. *Thumbsup*


~Best wishes and happy writing!~
Adriana *Moon*

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42
42
Review of The Watercourse  
Review by Adriana Noir
In affiliation with The Dark Society  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi there, Bill! *Smile* I decided to take you up on your challenge and take a look at your story with scrutinizing eyes!

Initial Impressions:

What an awesome combination here! I think readers would be pleasantly surprised by the ending and find that this reaches far beyond your average horror story. It's a tale of love and redemption. It shows the price we pay for some of our mistakes, and how not everything is always lost.

Jack and Penny were endearing characters. I fell in love with this brave young man as he struggled to keep his sister safe and happy in a strange and terrifying place. You could feel the love he had for her, his sense of devotion and that protective streak us women just love. I wish my big brother were as nice! *laughs*

As usual, you weave an entire world with your words. I felt submerged in the rich setting and the pacing moved along perfectly. Just enough given to keep me intruiged and reading along at a fevered pace. The end was, perhaps, the most outstanding element. I never saw that twist coming, though it is also my belief that there is a special place waiting for . . . well, for people like Momma. *Wink*

Outstanding story! I dare say I'm envious.

Thoughts/Suggestions:


*Bullet* I feel like were lost
we're ~~~> Should be a contraction here for 'we are.'

*Bullet* The fact that there was anything floating dead in the water at all was enough to make me sick.
I think this sentence could be tightened and rearranged a little for a smoother flow. ~~> The fact that there was anything dead floating in the water was enough to make me sick.

*Bullet* and his mouth hung open as if he had died screaming.
This is good, but it could be stronger. ~~> his mouth hung open in a perpetual scream. (or something to that effect?)

*Bullet* Abruptly, she pulled her head away,
You know what they say about these, Bill. *Wink* Why not change it up a little? Her head snapped back as if I had said something wrong.

*Thumbsup* their mouths stretched wide like empty buckets.
Brilliant description! At this point, I'm really wondering where all these bodies are coming from and why. Good suspense and I'm definitely interested!

*Bullet* I stiffed the air
sniffed

*Sick* Great incorporation of smell at the end of the first segment. Rotten eggs is a well-known and vile scent that the reader will be able to relate to. Simple and effective!

*Thumbsup* Even though they were used and bought at the thrift store, Momma made us take care of them as if they were brand new.
I liked this. It shows that they were poor or their parents very frugal. Of course, reading on, I find out why.

*Bullet* I heard a loud slap echoed through
echo

*Question* Okay, by the third segment, I still have no real clues as to how old Penny and Jack are. Are they teens? Pre-teens? I think just dropping a few hints along the way would give the readers a better idea. It doesn't bother me overly much, but some people will demand to know.

*Thumbsup* Great visuals during the storm. Your descriptions are amazing! And again with the smells, Bill! Gross!

*Bullet* She had that faraway look and I could tell she was getting farther and farther away.
I hate to say it, but this is kinda repetitive. Hmm. Maybe try something like: She had that faraway look and I could tell she was retreating deeper inside?

*Bullet* I could see her grappled to understand
grapple
Excellent descriptions again! I was wrinkling my nose as you described the old woman. Creepy!

~ That's really all I noticed, except toward the end, you tended to slip into using a lot of adverbs. A quick read through should catch those for you. Other than being uncertain about the children's age range, I didn't have any other questions regarding plot or character!


~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*


*Reading* Your stories are always a delight to read. Very well-written and polished, and equipped with engaging storylines. It's no wonder this piece, along with so many others written by you, boast ribbons and awards. Finding suggestions and picking this apart was no easy feat, my friend! I do hope you find my comments and suggestions helpful. Please let me know if/when you make any edits and I would be happy to rerate. I look forward to reading your next masterpiece!

~Best wishes and happy writing!~
Adriana *Moon*
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Review of Psychotic Fury...  
Review by Adriana Noir
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi there, Robin! *Smile* I've always been a big fan of your poetry and decided to stop by for a visit. This one proved to be no exception. My what a tale you tell with your words. an entire story leaps from the page here, and all in perfect verse and rhyme. Amazing feat!

I've always been a big fan of psychology. In fact, I've enrolled to start working toward my PHD. Multiple personalities are one of the most fascinating aspects of the human mind. To think that one could be so shattered that they create extensions of themselves to do the suffering for them....I mean, wow. It's pretty intruiging stuff and I think you covered that aspect quite well here!

I also love that you convey a message, a subtle warning to treat others with kindness and care. It's very true that we have no way of knowing what others have been through, what might trigger their anger, or when they might snap. Pretty scary when you think of it! *Worry*

Your talents when it comes to poetry always amaze me. You have a true gift. As well as this all flowed, I honestly have no suggestions.

~Thanks for sharing and best wishes!~
Adriana *Moon*
44
44
Review of Noble.  
Review by Adriana Noir
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hi there, H.M. Godwin! *Smile* I couldn't resist reading this after I saw the title and description. Which, by the way, fit this piece perfectly!

Initial Impressions:

Wow. "Noble" was a very detailed and emotional account of one young man's struggles growing up. The last two years of high school, or in this case, prep school are full of transistions, growth, and unexpected surprises, and you chronicle that very well. I think this is the phase we truly start turning into the adults we will become, and Noble finds himself hating what he sees. The good news is, it's never too late to change.

Characterization: You poured a lot of detail into your cast. I felt I had an excellent grasp on Noble because you did such an amazing job conveying his thoughts and emotions to the reader. He's a complex character, driven by fear, loathing, shame . . . all of the things we feel when we are uncertain of ourselves or our surroundings. I also felt I got to know James quite well, though Noble's eyes, and I, too, fell in love.

James was quite remarkable. He possessed a fortitude not many people have at that age. He was selfless in his actions, concerned more about the happiness and well-being of others than himself. He reminds me a lot of the few people who seem too good at heart, to pure and tender to really make it in this world. Despite his best efforts, he caved beeneath the constant torture and harrassment of his peers . . . but even in that, he still tried to protect the one person he loved. Beautiful. *Heart* As beautiful as his physical description!

The others---wow. What can one really say here? We all know people like this. We either grew up watching or receiving their cruelty, or saw them dish it out on a daily basis. The sad thing is, kids like Evan gather a following, not because they are great, but because they are feared. I'm willing to bet more than one kid felt bad about the way they treated James, but they were too afraid to speak up or go against the flow, lest the "mob mentality" shift in their direction. It's the same quandry Noble faced, but for different reasons. Guilt by association is an awful thing at that age.

Plot Pretty soild here. *Thumbsup* I loved this coming of age and recognition tale. It draws you in and envelops the reader in a platitude of emotions. Fear, anger, betrayl, guilt, love...this story has it all. It shows how we are capable of growth and change. It also shows the harmful,lasting effects intolerance and cruelty can have on a person.

Setting was also well done. The prep school was the perfect backdrop for this tale and you gave enough details to make it easy to see.


Thoughts/Suggestions


The only thing that I really didn't care for, and even that is a stretch, was how the view points changed so often in the beginning of the story. It felt like I was always being jarred out of one point of time or one person's head into another. Honestly, if it were at all possible, I would try to keep the story written entirely from Noble's point of view and divulge the bits and pieces about James and Evan through dialogue and the story. Everything else was very polished and amazing!


*Star* I loved your last few lines. James just was. Perfect wording and it really conveys the message I think you were trying to convey with your story. I also really liked the part where you said in a perfect world, they could have been together, things could have been different. It really makes one stop to think about the state of affairs around them and some struggles others might have that we don't even stop to think of.

Overall, this truly was an amazing read and I would definitely suggest it to anyone looking for a well-developed and well-written story. I look forward to reading more of your work in the future!

~Best wishes and happy writing!~
Adriana *Moon*
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Review of Just Keep Dancing  
Review by Adriana Noir
Rated: E | (2.5)
Hi there, JLsqueaks! *Smile* I came across your poem while looking for something to read and thought it had a catchy title. "Just Keep Dancing" reminds me of those things we tell our friends and family, an optimistic line offered to help them keep going. We all need a little motivation and encouragement now and then!

Inside, I found a much different story. The poem covers the driving force of life, the rhythm we all must sustain. It speaks more of "no rest for the weary" and the constant struggle we all undertake, just to keep up in life---let alone get ahead. It has an urgent undertone, the words grim and somber. Dancing here seems to be a metaphor for writing,work, or just the average grind. I like the fact that it is open to interpretation, but also not too vague, as life is often refered to as a dance.

I did have a few thoughts/suggestions I wanted to share after reading:

*Bullet* I think this piece would benefit from at least the standard punctuation and capitalization. For example: i = I
wont = won't

You use periods and such to help accent the flow throughout the item, so why stop there? These are just a few minor edits that will help polish up this piece. *Wink*

*Bullet* I'm not sure about the tempo. It seems you were trying to establish some sort of even beats here, but it was rough in some places and even in others. My suggestion, if this is what you were going for, is to count each syllable out and try to adjust the wording to fit. This does take some time and effort, but the results are well worth it.


Overall, I enjoyed this poem and the message it conveyed. It shows how life is often full of hurries and pressure. If you do decide to make some edits, feel free to let me know. I'd be happy to come back and give this another read and adjust my rating.

~Best wishes and happy wriitng!~
Adriana *Moon*
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Review by Adriana Noir
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi there, Kathie! *Smile* I was drawn to your piece by the title and description. I love stories like this, of unexpected angels and redemption in the most unlikely places.

I'm not sure if this story is true or not, but if it is, it took a lot of courage to tell. I have several addicts in my family, both blood and inlaws, and I know the struggles they face daily, even as recovering. This story really reaches out and speaks to the heart. It shows how some friends are placed into our lives for a purpose, even if it is just to show us how deep our own flaws are. I'm a firm believer in the power of angels....and in the fact that every thing in life has a season and purpose.

This was beautifully written and deeply moving. I honestly have no suggestions to share, just my gratitude that you would share such a beautiful piece.

~Best wishes and happy writing!~
Adriana *Moon*
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Review by Adriana Noir
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hi there, Intuey! *Smile* I came across your story while browsing the site and couldn't help but stop in for a read! I really liked your title. It grabbed my attention right away, as did your description. These are the types of stories that are hard to put down because of the suspense and psychological horror, and yours was no exception.

Wow! I couldn't help but feel sorry for Bryan right off the bat. *Worry* Diane was more than a bit off her rocker, wasn't she? As a reader, we weren't really privy to what caused the breakdown in the relationship, only it's final death spasm...which she refused to accept as such. The first line really drew me in though and made me relate to Diane (just for that instant) because slamming the door more than once just to make a point when I'm really angry is something I have done. *looks ashamed*

It became clear right off the bat that she was not going to accept their relationship as over. I still wanted to know, even up to the end what caused their breakup....but the action pulled me in as she went from laying in wait for him in his car, to full blown kidnapping! There were some great action sequences as Bryan struggled for the gun, and then when he tried to make a desperate break for freedom.

Excellent plot and very interesting characters. It reminded me a bit of "Fatal Attraction" but with your own unique perspective. I loved the fact that we got to sit inside the unstable one's mindset too...that was refreshing, becuase most stories are presented from the victim's point of view.

The only nits I had were small ones. I would have liked to see a bit more of the surroundings and what the characters looked like. I didn't feel I had a good visual impression of Bryan at all, or the cabin where they went. Also, I wanted more of Diane's emotions...I wanted to feel why she couldn't let go, not just hear it from her lips. Call me greedy, but that's my humble imput.

Overall, this was an exciting and enjoyable read. Thanks for sharing!

~Best wishes and happy writing!~
Adriana *Moon*
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Review by Adriana Noir
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi there, Gabriel! *Smile* I came across your poem while browsig the site and decided to give it a read. Your description was quite intruiging, as it's a unique blend of genres/topics to cover in one piece.

I can't say that I fully understand the meaning behind this, or how the title applies, unless Jeanne is the observant mother mentioned. I'll admit, I walked away a litt confused, but here is my understanding. The narrator knows of something bad that is going to happen...that or he is planning it himself, and his thoughts circle around this as he travels.

There are, however, some great elements here, such as the inclusion of the beggar and how most people turn a blind eye to his pleas. We see this so often in society, and it really is heartbreaking to watch. I also loved the grim tone of this piece, it conveys a somber message that reaches far beyond the surface and leaves the reader to ponder many things.

Word choice was good. It painted a stong visual image and imparted a certain vibe that carried throughout. You had a great rhythm and flow, and I do believe the free form was an excellent choice for this poem.

I thank you for sharing and for giving me something to ponder. Good work.

~Best wishes and happy writing!~
Adriana *Moon*
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Review of A Punishment Due  
Review by Adriana Noir
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
Ello, Calliber! *Smile*

This was quite an interesting story. It's not often you see assassins who harbor remorse, or any sense of conscience. I don't think that line of work allows for it, and this is probably why!

The title fit the story well and from line one, I was hooked. I wanted to know what this code was, and what would follow. It was a strong ay to open and it certainly draws the reader into the story. The body is very well written. I enjoy your style and the rich tone with just a touch of noir. It almost reminded me of the inner monologues you'd see on the old detective shows. Very cool.

I could find only one drawback to this story. It read more like a quick scene to me. The reason for that is we really know little about Harley. For instance, how did he get into this line of work. What sort of people were his intended targets . . . and most importantly, who was this innocent victim? It was hard to have a true grasp on the character, or the story itself when the main catalyst (the victim) is shrouded in mystery. I thought it would have a lot more impact if you described this person in some detail and showed them and the situation through Harley's eyes.

That said, I really did like what we did get to see and know of him. I thought he was a unique character and truly not a "bad" person at heart, despite his carreer. *Wink*

Great premise and fantastic wording. You have a great author's voice and an ability to draw people into your character's head. All of the bones are in place, now you just need to add a little more meat to the tale! If you ever decide to flesh this story out, please let me know. I'd be happy to come back and read it again with a higher rating.

~Best wishes and happy writing!~
Adriana *Moon*
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Review by Adriana Noir
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
*Laugh* How very sad but true this jaunty little poem is, Julie!

Wow, what a hair-raising glimpse at our health and pharmaceudical industries this is! Of, course, those two go hand-in-hand. One profits heavily off the other, so is it any wonder they push pills on us for every little thing? This poem really makes one stop to think about just how bad things have gotten. (in between bouts of laughter, of course!)

I have no suggestions for improvement. It had great shythm and flow and thee subject matter was engaging. I'm always a fan of tongue-in-cheek humor, or pointing the big thumb at the miscreants of society. This was a very clever and witty piece that is sure to make any reader laugh or shake their heads in wonder. Great work!

~Best wishes and happy writing!~
Adriana *Moon*
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