*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
BY ONLINE AUTHORS
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/pradaprincess/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/sort_by_last/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/5
Review Requests: OFF
1,392 Public Reviews Given
2,269 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
In depth, detailed, and honest. I always point out the things I enjoyed most about an item, highlighting the strengths along with any weaknesses or glitches I might find. To me, it's important to let a writer know how something made you feel and what reactions you had when reading, not just the technical aspects.
I'm good at...
Characterization, punctuation, plot, and grammar.
Favorite Genres
Anything dark and angsty. Horror, erotica, dark dramas are usually my favorites.
Least Favorite Genres
Westerns, Sci-Fi, and comedy.
I will not review...
Poetry and non-fiction. I read these for pleasure alone. I don't know enough about the technicalities to give a decent or useful review. Any comments I send are always just based on my personal reactions as a reader.
Public Reviews
Previous ... 1 2 3 4 -5- 6 7 8 9 10 ... Next
101
101
Review of Endless wants  
Review by Adriana Noir
Rated: 13+ | (2.5)
Hi there His Angel and welcome to writing.com! *Smile*

Reading this, I was impressed by the beauty of the words you had written. You portray such a strong longing and paint a beautiful picture in this piece. It conveys a wistful longing and poses questions we have all asked when we lose the ones we love...or are kept apart from them. *Thumbsup*

There are a few minor nits you may want to take a look at. Please keep in mind these are only suggestions based on my opinions as a reader. Feel free to use what works for you and ignore the rest. *Smile*

~I think this piece would benefit a lot from using punctuation. Written as is, it is just one long, run-on sentence taking up six lines. My suggestion would be to use periods and question marks to break up the thought segments instead of commas. For example: Lying here with wordless sentences, darkness hungers to ease my mind, while everyone ~~~> my mind. While everyone

~elae is
else

~starring into empty stars
staring

~do i love to much to
too much to
Too is used to denote an excess or abundance of things

I think you have a beautiful piece of writing here. The emotion and message shine through with every word. It's obvious you have a strong talent as a writer. Please don't be discouraged by this rating. The writing itself is wonderful, I just really feel it was hard to read presented as on sentence and think it would benefit a lot from a punctuation edit. If you decide to make any changes, or need any help, please let me know. I would love to come back and give this a higher rate. Best wishes and happy writing! *Heart*
~Adriana
102
102
Review of Broken Goods  
Review by Adriana Noir
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi there, Marcus, and welcome to WDC! *Bigsmile*

This was a delightful short story! It had me laughing and shaking my head at the antics of siblings. *Thumbsup* It was so realistic and something that I think readers of any age would enjoy. For being so short, you managed to tell a complete tale and give us a good feel for Dolly and her older brother, Ian.

She gives innocent chase to an unwanted intruder in their home, and in a moment that proves she is as graceful as I, trips and smashes her brother's guitar. *Laugh* His reation is not what one would expect, giving this story a refreshing twist. Not all is what it seems and sometimes, revenge just isn't in the cards. However, we do get the feeling thing are not over here and you left this reader laughing.

This was a great bit of flash fiction. It was very well-written and I didn't see technical slips, nor did I find any areas I thought needed improvement. This was meant to be a fun, light-hearted read and you delivered just that. *Thumbsup* Again, welcome to WDC and thanks for sharing!
Best wishes and happy writing! *Heart*
~Adriana
103
103
Review of ELECTRONIC LOVE  
Review by Adriana Noir
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hello Anubis and wlecome to WDC! *Smile*

You caught my attention with the title of this piece. We've all heard stories about the follies and pitfalls of online romances, sometimes from friends or family, sometimes from strangers, but hey are almost always amusing...sometimes downright scary!

The pacing of this story was perfectly played out. I found myself wondering what was going to happen, and you kept my attention throughout. The plane was a great touch. It was the perfect setting for you to reveal your plot twist and it left me with a smile. I can't help but wonder if Geetha will be as disappointed in her expectations as he was. *Laugh* I am curious as to what made him think she sounded like a thirty-year-old. Did they talk on the phone at all, or was it her demeanor through the screen. I'd like to hear a little more about their relationship and what it embodied.

You may want to take a second look at the punctuation in a few places. End punctuation should always be inside the quotation marks. You are missing a period here: Her screen caught my eyes and there are a few places where you have an apostrophe that seems out of place, such as here: dear’. A quick read through and careful eye should help you catch these.

I wonder why you chose teen as a genre here? Both parties are adults. I wonder if comedy would not be a more suitable choice and it would probably bring in a much wider range of viewers. *Thumbsup* Overall, I thought this was an amusing story that will appeal to a lot of people. Thanks for sharing and best wishes!

~Adriana
104
104
Review by Adriana Noir
Rated: E | (2.5)
Hi there, Johnny cue and welcome to WDC! *Bigsmile*

I liked the title of this piece. I thought it was very catchy and unique, something sure to draw readers in. I've often heard people and fish paired together in analogies about love, but throwing in chips was a refreshing twist! This was a jaunty view about love and how sometimes the end presents us with new opportunities and second chances. I think you have a great concept here and a lot of people will be able to relate.

I did notice a few things that you may or may not want to take a look at. Please bear in mind that these are only suggestions based on my opinions as a reader. Feel free to use what you feel works for you and ignore the rest. *Smile*

~to young to be
too young--->too is used to denote an excess or over abundance of something.

~ON
On

~little fishy swim
Being the first word of a sentence, you might want to cap little.--->Little.
Also, since fishy is used as a plural here, you might want to think about just using fish or fishies.

~meet alot
a lot two words *Smile*

and then put back out to sea
It seems like something is missing here. And then get put back maybe? Who or what puts them back?

This was an great way to describle the prosess of losing love and moving on. I think with a little editing and polish, you will have a stellar piece here. Please feel free to e-mail me if you make any revisions or have any questions about this review. I'd be happy to come back and give this a second look and a higher rate. Best wishes and happy writing!
~Adriana
105
105
Review of Afghanistan  
Review by Adriana Noir
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi there, Story! Welcome to WDC! *Bigsmile*

I saw this item listed in the read a newbie column. The description intruiged me, as I wanted to know who had saved her and how. *Thumbsup*

You tell a very powerful tale here for it being so short. There is plenty of action and suspense as this journalist rides through the dusty streets, clicking off his pictures as a woman runs behind him in hot pursuit. Ifelt my heart hammer as the shots were fired, and I felt sorry for this woman as her desperation and determination shone through.

In a few words, you show the oppression and struggle women face in a culture so vastly different from our own. It made me so grateful for all the little things we tend to take for granted here, because it is all we have ever known since birth. The end, though sad, was a perfect touch to this bittersweet tale.

Great work! Thanks for sharing. Happy writing and best wishes~*Heart*
~Adriana
106
106
Review of Homage  
Review by Adriana Noir
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Ello NickiD89

This is a review of "Homage"  It is my pleasure to read your work and share my thoughts with you!

Overview: I had to blink back tears by the end of this story. I wish I could put into words what I felt as I read this, but I'm afraid I am going to fall miserably shot, Nicki. This was incredible in every sense of the word. Your character development, plot, pacing, descriptions, everything were amazing.

My heart was with this young soldier from the beginning. I have nothing but the highest respect and honor for the men and women that serve our country. He also reminded me very much of my little buddy across the street who has a patch and is blind in his eye from a trampoline spring. I imagine he feels much the same way about his injury.

The horror story from Iraq is a familiar one and I love how you tied that together with the little girl walking down the beach...and how you gave this man a chance to prove his own worth again...not to society, but to himself. His thoughts and emotions really were the driving force behind this story.

*Idea*Suggestions for Improvement:*Idea* I've got nothing. I loved every aspect of this story and how it was written! *Thumbsup*

*Star*Favorite Part:*Star* I loved how everyone pulled together at the end and thanked him. I teared up here and almost lost it. Such a powerful and emotional moment.

*Note*Please remember that all suggestions and thoughts are my sole opinion as a reader. Feel free to use or discard them as you feel best suits your style and the work of art you have created. *Smile*

In Closing: I've told you many times how much I love your writing, and I'll tell you again. This item is well deserving of the ribbon it boasts. It's a beautifully written piece full of patriotisim and valuabel lessons for us all. Thanks for sharing and best of luck in the contest!

Best wishes and happy writing! *Heart*

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
107
107
Review of Independence Day  
Review by Adriana Noir
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Ello Shannon

This is a review of "Independence Day"  It is my pleasure to read your work and share my thoughts with you!

Overview: Gutwrenching. That is the first word that comes to mind as I read this. At first, I was amused by her anger and the fleeting thoughts about the knife, but as the story played out, I was pulled into the sheer emotion of this story and I felt a blast of empathy.

Some of us have made this mistake, others been on the receiving end, and I think almost everyone harbors the fear of experiencing this type of betrayl.

Your characters, and their plight are very realistic. The emotion that comes through is genuine and hits with an impact. I felt like a voyeur as I read this, for I could see, feel, and hear everything from the fireworks, to the pain and humiliation.

Fantastic job, Shannon!

*Idea*Suggestions for Improvement:*Idea* Nothing! I loved every aspect of this story and how it was written. *Thumbsup*

*Star*Favorite Part:*Star* The end was especially poignant. She didn't want to let go. she wanted to touch and comfort him, but she didn't. The words ecxchanged here tore at my heart, especially the segment with him not being who she thought he was.

*Note*Please remember that all suggestions and thoughts are my sole opinion as a reader. Feel free to use or discard them as you feel best suits your style and the work of art you have created. *Smile*

In Closing: This just highlights why you are one of my favorite authors. You have such a talented flair with words and the bility to draw the reader into the heart and soul of your characters. Thank you so much for sharing and best of luck to you in the contest!

Best wishes and happy writing! *Heart*

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
108
108
Review by Adriana Noir
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Nicki,

Sweet salt water taffy! I was immediately taken with the unique presentation of this poem. I lovehow you formatted it to look like a whale's tail and the blue beneath with the varying sizes of words gave the illusion of rippling water. How very creative and lovely!

The poem itself, tells the story of Dylan who turned his back on his fate in search of desert delights. I loved the wording, rhyme and flow of this poem, as well as the feeling I got as we neared the end of the poem. My heart delighted along with his and I could feel the mist on my face and taste the salt on my tongue. Beautiful imagery and excellently crafted piece of work, Nicki!

Congrats on a well-deserved win.
Best wishes,
Adriana
109
109
Review by Adriana Noir
Rated: 13+ | N/A (Review only item.)
Kiya,

It was hard finding anything in your port that was not decorated, and with good reason! Your writing is wonderful and your port offeres something for everyone. But, being the darkling that I am, this folder is where I have spent the most time. There are many old favorites in here and some new ones as well. The graphic gracing it made me giggle with delight and the stories inside held me in their thrall. Because of that, I had to send you one extra review, and a little something special to adorn one of my favorite places to lurk. I can't wait to read what you come up with next. *Smirk*

Best wishes always *Heart*,
Adri
110
110
Review of Paranoia  
Review by Adriana Noir
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
It's almost time for farewell! This is review #5 0f five from your Summer Staycation win.

I've really enjoyed sharing these moments before you embark for Finland. Despite the hassles with Customs and the slight flight delay, I hope you've had fun as well. Keep your eye on the sky, and don't forget to write! I hope you have a fabulous summer vacation, but if not, remember, there are no refunds! *Laugh*

EEk! There is always something creepy about those fortune tellers. i mean look what happened to that poor guy from Thinner! Here, Debra's life takes an unexpected turn after visiting the Great Prince Abdullah (loved that name). I could picture him and his swanky settings all to well and feel the unease and fear, as well as the doubt and anger nipping at her as he reveals someone she loves will try to kill her.

This story has a vast amount of suspense and mystery woven into it. It also deals with the complex nature of human relationships and how time has a way of conviluting our perception of them. When Debrah's relationship with her husband starts to turn sour, she looks for a place to lay the blame beyond the circle the two of them have formed with each other.

I loved the descriptions, and the gradual tension you built as i wondered who was going to try and kill her, or if she would go so crazy from the stress that she would bring about her own demise. The Pacing, characters, and setting were all spot on.

*Idea*Suggestions for Improvement:*Idea* I'm a little embarrassed, but I really didn't get the end. I mean, I got that obviously she was seeing a vision, but I felt confused. Why would this make her an eternal customer? Does he show her a different thing everytime or is it an obsession? This may be my own fault here, but I feel I missed the mark somehow.

*Star*Favorite Part:*Star* The relationship between Debrah and Brenda. You unveiled it in a very natural way that didn't drag the story down and really gave it an authenticity. We all have a friend like that, and if given the right circumstances, seeds of jealousy and paranoia could develop. Really, I loved the bond that they used to have.

*Note*Please remember that all suggestions and thoughts are my sole opinion as a reader. Feel free to use or discard them as you feel best suits your style and the work of art you have created. *Smile*

In Closing: It's been an absolute joy visiting your port today. This was a gripping story that took many twists and turns and had me sitting on the edge of my seat with baited breath. *Thumbsup* Thanks so much for sharing your talent with us!

Best wishes and happy writing! *Heart*
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
111
111
Review by Adriana Noir
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Ello, Kiya! This is review #4 of 5 from your Summer Staycation package.

I fear I won't be able to take your flight with you. In fact, after reading this story, I'm not sure anyone on the plane is safe! I'll take comfort in knowing you are, indeed, a lucky charm. Sit back and relax. After all, these are first-class accomodations. Lounge in the plush leather seats, peruse the cocktails and snacks, and prepare for a lavish vacation across the globe.

As usual, your descriptive powers mesmerize me. I felt the same hypnotic pull as Sam did, staring into those dark purple eyes. I love purple. It's dark, mysterious and sensual, and I can't think of a better color for Death's compelling orbs to be!

There is a seductive undercurrant to this story. Death's mannerisims, his way of sepaking, and the power he exalts over others...it is as we expect it to be. Many people are fascinated by this being/occurance and perhaps that is why. In a way, your version of Death reminded me of Rice's seductive demon Lasher, or the more infamous vampire Lestat. Despite the sinister connotations, one cannot help but feel drawn to it and yearn to take part in the dance.

This is a fascinating story about the battle that resides deep withn each of us everyday if we are aware of it or not. Life and Death are always at odds. Here Samantha regrets the actions she has to take out of loyalty to her country, and yearns for the sweet release Death offers her. The scene as they tumbled had me holding my breath and squirming with delight. However, something pulls her back at the last moment.

*Idea*Suggestions for Improvement:*Idea* Not a thing. You are slaughtering my average rating given here, Kiya!

*Star*Favorite Part:*Star* I thought you ended this on a perfect note. No matter how long or intense the battle is, in the end, we all face one inevitible fate. It's a somber reality but you worded it with perfection.

*Note*Please remember that all suggestions and thoughts are my sole opinion as a reader. Feel free to use or discard them as you feel best suits your style and the work of art you have created. *Smile*

In Closing: Gripping plot, mesmerizing characters, and vivid descriptions. This was yet another awesome read. There's really nothing you can't do. I wish I had some constructive advice to give, but when a tale engrosses you from start to finish and you have nothing to question or suggest...the only thing left to do is let the writer know how much you enjoyed it!

Best wishes and happy writing! *Heart*
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
112
112
Review of Letter From Somme  
Review by Adriana Noir
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Ello again, Kiya! This is review #2 of 5 of your Summer Staycation package. *Bigsmile*

Customs was not sure what the procedure is for this WDC addiction you have and you had to rifle through your purse for your passport to show you have been vaccinated. While you were digging, this letter fell out. What a precious artifact this is! It must be worth millions! *Shock* Though now we wonder if you are not some international thief. Judging from the aged parchment and time weathered signatures, it looks to be authentic. Perhaps you are a relative. Alas, we are keeping an eye on you young woman!

In all seriousness, this was an incredible piece of work. I felt transorted into this soldiers shoes. I could taste the dirt, the grime, the blood. I felt the tears burn my eyes and the loss. To lose nearly everyone around you, I really can't begin to fathom the fear and greif that must induce, but you set the stage.

His words were tender and full of charm, despite the content. You could sense the love Gerard had for his beloved Meg. The description in this piece truly transports the reader to another time and place, where we can see the mortar flying, hear the screams. You played on every sense possible, and did an amazing job. In under 500 words, you showed the war and the things that drive those brave soldiers.

*Idea*Suggestions for Improvement:*Idea* Not a thing.

*Star*Favorite Part:*Star* The emotion behind this letter. It brought tears to my eyes. It's a very diverse and powerful blend of angst, love, and everything in between.

*Note*Please remember that all suggestions and thoughts are my sole opinion as a reader. Feel free to use or discard them as you feel best suits your style and the work of art you have created. *Smile*

In Closing: Awesome writing. You know I am a fan of the war tales, and this one was right up my alley. I always have so much fun everytime I visit your port. *Thumbsup*

Best wishes and happy writing! *Heart*

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
113
113
Review of The WDC Trip  
Review by Adriana Noir
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Ello Kiya! *Bigsmile* This is review #1 of 5, for your Summer Staycation!

While rummaging through your luggage (all for a routine customs check, I assure you *Wink*) I came across this essay. At first I was confused. I mean we had scheduled you for a lovely trip to Finland. What was this WDC place? What about it was so life-altering? Curious...I read on.

I think I have been there a time or two. Reading this, I wondered how many other people took a similar path. I too, started out writing fan-fiction *Blush* and wanted to break free of the confines of familiar characters and come up with my own. I met a similar reception and stumbled across this site early on. It wasn't until the first days of 2007 when I grew frustrated with the lack of feedback, that I finally mustered up the courage to join. Instead of toast, it was honey mustard pretzel bits that I munched on...and not wanting to be alone in this terrifying new step, I coerced Mara (who I befriended years before on the fan-fic boards)into joining that night. LOL

WDC does seem like a scary place at first. I had to laugh as you describe your reaction to your first review. Your excitement is something I think we can all relate to. It's the lifeblood all writers hunger for that draws them in and keeps them here. And gosh, the things one can learn and the amount of growth they can undergo if they just take the time to listen!

Between the contests, the reviews, the vast wealth of things to read, and yes, the people here, many of us have come to think of WDC as our home. You talk about patience, growth, kindness, and compassion...the things you have expereinced and implimented since joining. This is your story of inspiration. It's candid, humorous, and well-written. Moreso, I related to this on a very personal level.

*Idea*Suggestions for Improvement:*Idea*
None...though I do worry after reading about how contagious and infectious this place is if you have been vaccinated against this force. We will have to make another stop at Customs to make sure everything is in order before you can board your flight. *Laugh*

*Star*Favorite Part:*Star* I can;t chose one thing. This essay embodies the WDC experience as a whole, and that is what makes it so special!

*Note*Please remember that all suggestions and thoughts are my sole opinion as a reader. Feel free to use or discard them as you feel best suits your style and the work of art you have created. *Smile*

In Closing: I really enjoyed reading this. I love seeing how others end up here and what their impressions were and are. I guess it is that base curiousity we all have about other authors. As usual, you kept my attention and offered an entertaining read!

Best wishes and happy writing! *Heart*

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
114
114
Review by Adriana Noir
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Ello, DogWatchingMan and welcome to WDC! *Bigsmile*

*Laugh* What a delightful story! This had me drooling from your descriptions and laughing out loud at the antics contained within. It brought back to mind the many trips to the candy store I had as a child, and the agonizing decisions I had to make at that age. (At least they felt that way then.) For me it was always the Lemonheads and Dots...though I did indulge time to time in those abhorrant things known as Garbage Pail Kids. LOL

Wax lips, and bottles filled with corn-syrup, a menacing shop keeper who only assumes the worst, and the innocent disbelief all make this a story readers of any age can relate to and enjoy. It's a shame people are sometimes so quick to judge, but I guess that is really a byproduct of the times. Besides youth is almost always equated with mischief, which is what makes it so fun, right?

I thought this was very well-written and an entertaining read. I especially liked the part about double-checking the bag for lotto tickets. *Laugh*

My only suggestion would be to start a new paragraph every time the shop keeper speaks, as dialogue always starts on it's own line every time a new person speaks. Other than that, flawless! Thanks for taking me back to my youth. I really have a taste for some Lemonheads now. *grins*
Best wishes and happy writing! *Heart*
~Adriana
115
115
Review of The Promised Land  
Review by Adriana Noir
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Katie,

This is a beautiful story and poem. I say that because your words reveal an entire story, providing both backdrop and the fuel to motivate the reader into feeling what resides within. It's full of rich imagery and dripping with emotion. It's about change, a revolution, and celebration. You can feel this couple revel in their newfound freedom after years of oppression. The sheer force of Elsa's emotions washes over the reader in the end as she collapses to her knees in praise. Very well done!

Best wishes and happy writing! *Heart*
~Adriana
116
116
Review of This I Believe  
Review by Adriana Noir
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Ello pdwyer569

Overview: I saw your essay listed in the Read a Newbie column and just had to take a peek. You stated this very well, keeping your essay short and brief. You got your point across without hammering it into your audience. I thought this was a fascinating list. Very simplistic, yet honest and close to your heart. I have to agree!

*Idea*Suggestions for Improvement:*Idea*
~weather emotionally
whether

~of learning weather
whether

~ in someway shape or form
someway, shape, or form

You may want to consider breaking this into paragraphs. It would help seperate and emphasize the points you make. It also makes it a little easier for the reader's eyes and helping them keep track. *Wink*

*Star*Favorite Part:*Star* Where you remind us to never stop learning. As you said, life is a constant journey. The day we stop learning or close ourselves off to growth as a person, is the day we can go no further. Excellent point.

*Note*Please remember that all suggestions and thoughts are my sole opinion as a reader. Feel free to use or discard them as you feel best suits your style and the work of art you have created. *Smile*

In Closing: Great essay. You have some great beliefs and following them and holding true can do nothing but bring you the best! I enjoyed reading this. Thanks for sharing!

Best wishes and happy writing! *Heart*
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
117
117
Review of The Dark Night  
Review by Adriana Noir
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 18+ | N/A (Review only item.)
Ello Nikola~Loving Her Gracie Girl!

Such an interesting blend here! I loved the setting of this story, set in older times. It really lent it a romantic air and accented the "forbidden" aspect of love between Selene and Jareth. (I loved these unique names, by the way.)

You did a wonderful job laying the foundation for the reader, building their relationship in a way that the reader can understand. I really loved this apsect of the story. Something about lovers that want to be together but can't holds such tragic allure.

Fantastic job showing the reader the story. You played well on sight, smell, feel, and sound. I loved the descriptions of the grove, and at the end, her anguish poured through. I didn't see the end coming and wondered what happened to him, though based on what we read, one can guess!

In Closing: Interesting blend of romance, drama, and horror. In a way, it feels like this is just the beginning of a much larger story. I would love to find out what happened to Jareth and what Selene will do now. Great job! I look forward to visiting your port again soon. *Thumbsup*

Best wishes and happy writing! *Heart*
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
118
118
Review of Disposal  
Review by Adriana Noir
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Ello Dravenko *Bigsmile*

I came across your story, "Disposal" , and was drawn in by the title and description. I really think this works well for the item, because after reading it, I see it can have a second, sort of ironic meaning! It works well to grab the readers attention and suits the content within perfectly. *Thumbsup*

Overview: Mystery woven with a little bit of horror, this is a creepy tale about a woman kept up at night by the constant running of her garbage disposal. We are left to wonder who or what is turning it on all night, and why they do not answer her.

I think this aspect works well in pulling the reader along and keeping their interest. Your end held a lovely surprise twist elicits a slight chill! When the police and paramedics showed up, I thought for sure, she would be in trouble, but things take a startling twist!

*Idea*Suggestions for Improvement:*Idea*
~With rage I would yell
Since the rest of the story up to this point is pretty much written in past tense, I think this might read a bit smoother as---> I yelled

One thing I really didn't understand as a reader is why. Because of that, I felt a little ocnfused and let down at the end. Why would he do this? Did they have a tense or unhappy relationship when he was alive? Or was this a nightly ritual he had when living that carried over? Or was she not haunted but driven mad from his passing? If that is the case, maybe you could add a little something about how close they were and how much she missed him when he was gone. I think building just a little more on why she was haunted by her father (or his actions) would add a lot more impact to the story and a deeper understanding. Just a thought.

*Star*Favorite Part:*Star* The mystery and suspense that you build througout the story. I really wanted to know who was doing this and why. A million scenarios were running through my mind! Even though this story was very short, you built an incredible amount of suspense! *Thumbsup*

*Note*Please remember that all suggestions and thoughts are my sole opinion as a reader. Feel free to use or discard them as you feel best suits your style and the work of art you have created. *Smile*

In Closing: I really enjoyed reading this. There were no technical or glaring errors that jarred me out of the story. It was well-written and definitely held my interest. I think this has all the makings ofa great horror story! If you do make any changes, feel free to let me know. I'd be more than happy to take a second look and adjust my rating!

Best wishes and happy writing! *Heart*
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
119
119
Review by Adriana Noir
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: ASR | N/A (Review only item.)
Nikola,

I was drawn in by the title and description here. I wanted to see what this piece was all about.

What an uplifting and inspiring poem this is! I love that it can be interpreted in so many ways, a child to a parent, one spouse to another, or even those who proved not to be friends. There is a strength and independence echoing from these words and a proud spirit, determined not to be broken. It's chalk full of emotion and your message rings through loud and clear.

Lovely job!
~Adriana
120
120
Review by Adriana Noir
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Shaara,

Sweet boas! It took me forever to regain my composure after reading this story and I almost didn't make it through it. That's not a slam against your writing. In fact, quite the opposite. Your descriptions fo these tarantulas had me squirming, tearing up, and swatting at the back of my neck! *Shock* The detail was so vivid, so real that I could not only see, but feel them! Yikes!

Arachniphobia aside, this was wonderfully written. I have no suggestions for improvement. I loved hearing about the different anmals and watching not only their courtships unravel, but that of the humans as well. One can truly see the folly of love here, in all of its comedic best. As funny as it sounds, I understand the jealousy these two exchanged over the pets, as it happens all the time in my house. *grins*

This was an incredible ride. Amazing description, adventure, love and humor all wound into one. You caught my attention and held it til the very end...and yes...I am still tweaking and swatting at my neck over here! *Laugh*

Thanks for sharing and best wishes!
~Adriana
121
121
Review of Don't Go  
Review by Adriana Noir
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Kings,
I don't know where to start with this poem. I sti here encapsulated in a wave of emotion after reading this. It is so powerful and wrought with emotion. It's a beautiful tribute to the woman you love and the years you shared. Your words are lovely, yet the content so bittersweet. The love expressed is also tainted with sorrow.

Marrigage is such a difficult forray and so many end in divorce. This piece really impresses me and stands out because it is not tainted with bitterness or anger. It accepts the loss with dignity and rejoices in what was rahter than raailing or laying blame for what wasn't.

I have no suggestions. This was an impeccable piece of work and I admire the content nestled within. Thank you so much for sharing. *Heart*
Best wishes,
~Adriana
122
122
Review by Adriana Noir
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Rai,
Oh your words have made me smile! I love the style and format of this poem. It's very straight forward, very candid, and in your face. You don't use flowery words or sugar coat, just lay it on the line. No suggestions for improvement here. I have an extreme amount of love and respect for the men and women in all of our armed forces, but I've always been most partial to the hard-nosed attitude and never say die mentality of the Marines. *Heart*

Thank you so much for sharing this tribute. I really enjoyed reading it. Welcome to WDC! *Bigsmile*
~Adriana
123
123
Review by Adriana Noir
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Kenzie,

Talk about opening someone's eyes. I too, have received many of those emails, but never really thought anything of it. I usually delete them, as most of them insist you pass them on to x number of people or else.

This article is something all writers and artists should read. You make a very valid point about the number of "unknown" authors and graphics floating around out there. The crying eagle was an excellent example, as I think almost every American and probably many non are familiar with that image.

Thank you so much for sharing this and giving us all a very valid...and disheartening point to ponder. Congrats on the use of your poem and I am very glad to see this article has a ribbon. It deserves it!

Best wishes,
Adri
124
124
Review of This I Believe  
Review by Adriana Noir
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Judity,

You've once again touched me with your words. Your writing often has a way of speaking directly to the reader and pulling them in. This is a very candid article that has a gentle voice of beauty. Here, we get an inside peek into your heart and the things that make you tick.

I'm not a fan of war, but always have and always will support our troops. If the world were a perfect place, there would be no need for people to die in the name of religon or causes we don't quite understand. Sadly, it's not and there will probably always be battles to be fought for one reason or another.

I too often think the higher powers have a wicked sense of humor. If in doubt, just make plans. *Laugh* Nature and animals are beautiful and I too trust them with much more ease than any human, even my cat, Max, who tends to bite without warning in both moments of irritation and bliss. As you said, they don't lie and when they are being nice to you only because they want something, you know it. I'm well aware I'm being used when he is kneading me or when any of them want fed. But it's a relationship of equal give and take. They are there to comfort and keep me company when no one else is.

I loved the last line of this piece. It was a perfect note to end things on. *Thumbsup* I didn't notice any errors, nor would I change a thing. This piece is about you, and no one else can tell you how to think or feel. Thanks for sharing your beliefs. I hope life is treating you well.

Best wishes,
Adriana
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
125
125
Review by Adriana Noir
In affiliation with  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


Ello Sticktalker *Bigsmile* I saw this lised on the public review page and had to swing by!

Overview: Very catchy title. That is initially what grabbed my interest. Plus, let's face it: we've all had this feeling at one time or another.

You cover the first struggle you faced upon joining WDC and a common misconception we have. It's not the amount of experience that matters, but the unique insight each person has to offer. Then, as you say, there are pieces that leave us staring at the screen wondering what we are going to say. I think you've managed to come up with a very comprehensive list and a suggestion for how to get past these stumbling blocks.

The piece itself is very well-written and interesting. The reader can see hints of your personality shine through which always help to keep the interest level up when reading how-to pieces! Great job.

I alos like that you include some of your own practices. This item could come in handy for people who have received a review from you and are interested in learning more about your practices. I've been meaning to write something along those lines myself for quite some time now. *Laugh* Alas, I'm the queen of procrastination and I digress.

*Idea*Suggestions for Improvement:*Idea*
what he things is the "best"
thinks

*Star*Favorite Part:*Star* The humor and personality that shone through. It made this article unique onto you and a fun, interesting read!

*Note*Please remember that all suggestions and thoughts are my sole opinion as a reader. Feel free to use or discard them as you feel best suits your style and the work of art you have created. *Smile*

In Closing: One thought really stuck with me. Fragments are not bad in writing. In fact, they are allowed in fiction, as long as they are used sparingly. This is something you may or may not want to keep in mind during your next review. *Wink*

Overall, this was a very thurough piece and I enjoyed reading it. If you do not mind, I would like to include a link for this in the next edition of the Angel Army's reviewing newsletter. Ace job!

Best wishes and happy writing! *Heart*
~Adriana
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
441 Reviews · *Magnify*
Page of 18 · 25 per page   < >
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/pradaprincess/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/sort_by_last/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/5