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99 Public Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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1
1
Review of Ice  
Review by J. Lee
Rated: E | (5.0)
Good day! *Smile*

I came across this writing using the 'Read and Review' link.

I miss the challenge of a good acrostic, I used to do those quite often. Thanks for the reminder on that.

So far as the poem, so tragic is the pain of separation from love. I have recently gotten over my own break up and this poem made me smile that I am not feeling the same as I was when we first separated, as this poem so greatly portrays.

Thanks for sharing and I hope you keep writing!
2
2
Review by J. Lee
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello! *Smile*

I came across your piece using the 'Read and Review' link.

This really got my heart melting thinking of my little niece and newphews. I most definitely will never know the love a mother would feel towards her children, and honor my mom and dad as best as I can for the constant love and support they've shown me.

This piece really has my heart glowing as the love of the little ones I'm blessed to be an uncle to has pulled me through many a tough time. Definitely the giggles during play, cuddling up to them at naptime and bedtime and just feeling the love vibrate through them is incredible.

The lines at the end :

What seems like a lifetime is only an illusion;
Like the sand in an hourglass.

I don't know if I'm capturing what you're saying, but it made me reflect on how timeless life is when I get to be around the kids, so if I missed the point I apologize, but I thank you for the realization!

I hope you get to enjoy many more years of bliss with your children!

Keep writing!
3
3
Review by J. Lee
Rated: E | (5.0)
Greetings from *CountryCA* *Smile*

Congrats on 1000 reviews Mr Jones! That is something you should certainly be proud of, quite an incredible accomplishment!

I love how you dedicated the review to Dr Gupta in return for the reveiws they gave you. I believe we get what we give, which is why I'm giving you a full house of purple on this!

You've taken so much time going through my portfolio and indulging me by reading my pieces, and I am forever grateful for this! I hope to get through as much of your port as I can in this next little while, and I'll make sure to drop some comments and spread the love back your way that you've given me.

Again, congrats on your amazing accomplishment!

Kind Regards!
4
4
Review of Why Bother???  
Review by J. Lee
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hey there!

I came across your article using the 'Read and Review' link, and just wanted to thank you for sharing your opinion.

I think you're right that self-deprecating, especially in an introduction, really isn't that inviting. I also agree that it possibly could be to solicit praise as you mentioned, however I think that perhaps going through with reading the piece and offering some kind words could mean the difference between that writer taking the next step to polishing and honing their craft or having them stop altogether. I only mention this as I've struggled with esteem issues in the past, and often it was the kind words of encouragement that I needed to escape feeling so little of myself.

That being said, I still do see why you - and likely others - would just avoid reading pieces with descriptions as mentioned, and can't rightfully say that I'd read these pieces myself 100% of the time.

Thanks for jostling me out of a bit of a slump myself, I haven't really 'felt' for a while and this editorial gave me a bit of a push.

I hope you're enjoying youself in whatever you do!

Keep Writing!
5
5
Review by J. Lee
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Hi there *Smile*

I found your piece on the 'Read and Review' link, and was happy to go through it a couple of times to enjoy and also give you a review! Please understand that this is only my opinion, I don't wish to take away from your work but add to it.

I liked the plot and noticed you had a word cound of nearly 1000 characters. Not sure if this was for a flash fiction contest but I think you would have faired well if it were in a contest!

Here is what I came up with for you.


Incredible Imagery!

Huge golden pillars lined the long blue and red striped carpet. Chandeliers with candles made a dazzling display on clear crystal surfaces as it hanged high from the vaulted ceilings.

- I felt like I was looking through his eyes, good job here!

Great Line!

Serving was its own honor

- This simple line is absolutely invaluable. I think many people could lead better lives embracing this idea!


(Click Me!) Technical Stuff:

My Overall Impression

I was never really into the monarch types of shows or stories, but you did a good job keeping me interested regardless of that fact. I enjoyed your plot and appreciated the characters for who they were. I also like the little twist when Kelleth stepped up at his ceremony to aid in the capture. Very well done my friend!

Keep Writing!
6
6
Review by J. Lee
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hey Mr Bubblegum Jones *Smile*!

I finally took some time to come visit your port, and I'm glad I did. I think this is a really neat idea you have going here, I've enjoyed alot of people's entries. And since you've put the time in to create this wonderful challenge, I've decided to try an entry myself! I must warn you, it's sort of lengthy, though it moved me to write for the first time in a very long time, so thanks again!

Here is my submission :

Once upon a time there was a demigod who ruled over a small realm of the multiverse. Everyday, he plotted and schemed to expand his dimension to include the mortals, for he had a particular longing to protect these finite beings and raise them into an awareness where they too, could harness the powers of the deities.

His trouble was that the realm of the mortals was strongly locked down by the dark curse of the archfiends, which could cast him into the void of eternal inexistence if he tread too close to his desire.

One day, the Universal Consciouness of the entire multiverse approached this demigod, pondering his intention with the mortals; begging him to stay clear of the potential abolishment he faced if he were to tempt winning over the curse. The demigod pleaded with the Universal Conciousness to allow him the power of protection from the curse, to finally be able to attain dominion over the loves of his desire... Mother Earth and her surroundings. Again, the Universal Consciousnes appealed to this demigod, for the curse could not be broken, as it too served a divine purpose. It explained that without the darkness, no mortal could ever learn of sacrifice and loss. They would never learn to appreciate what little they have, and would always incarnate into greed and desire, never grasping the spirit of being present for another. Because of that, the demigod knelt down in meditation, then lifted his arms to the infinite sea of divine being, and screamed 'I will not let them go!, they are my family! I AM THEIR SOUL!'. The demigod burst into the realm of the mortals and spread his field of power over all of Mother Earth, adorning the air and water of the whole galaxy with the consecrated molecule of holy knowledge, until finally, every being was embraced by an immaculate transendental state, finally realizing their true nature. The demigod entered the heart of every one of them, endowing them with the power of divinity to exist only in love, for love, to love. And then, bellowing loudly to the Universal Consciuosness, stated 'If freedom of these beings means my ultimate sacrifice, see this as my offering. If adorning the mortals with the spirit of love does not earn me protection from the curse, I accept my fate. But let my family free, the mortals have been enslaved long enough.'

With that, the Universal Consciuosness surrounded Mother Earth and her surroundings in a radiant glow, pure bliss spread across all beings and they were shown their true birth right... to never forget their holy nature. Then, turning to the demigod, handed the chain which bound the mortals over and said, 'Your courage to proceed in spite of your banishment has earned you a space with the mortals. For eons you have been fighting within yourself to free these souls, and in this moment you have proven that you are strong enough to overcome your own inner shackles. I grant you the realm of the mortals, to embrace and thrive amongst the love you've created.'
7
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Review of Why in the World?  
Review by J. Lee
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hey, I only have 5 minutes left while at work, but read this and couldn't leave it without a comment and rating.

I adored this piece. How much more simple yet profound could it be than having creation of anything be to see the happiness it brings others. Beautifully summed up with your quote 'No creation is complete until someone enjoys it.'

Thanks for sharing this, I saw no technical errors to point out.
8
8
Review of Holding Calm  
Review by J. Lee
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi there!

I've been given the opportunity to see your poem featured as one of the 'newest static items' on the wdc main/home page.

After reading this, and before reviewing it, I decided to take a peak at your profile header/bio. I did this as often times people either directly state, or indirectly allude to, the type of writer they are. This gives me a better understanding of the type of feedback that may benefit them.

As for the review, I first would like to say that I'm happy to have found a poet strictly focused on feelings and relations. I enjoy most poetry, but the aim you have is sincerely one that I hope to break through in one day. I'll be taking a peak at more of your writing as the days go on.

I like the simplistic message the poem communicates. Positive thinking and politeness are essentials in my happiness, as well as the happiness of anyone around me.

The words spoken to staying silent in a loud conversation are more powerful than many people may realize, so kudos to you for putting that out there!

One struggle I had, which I have with many poems, is the rhythm. I can certainly see the rhythm through most of your words, but upon reading aloud there is a couple of areas where I stutter stepped my words. Having a smooth rhythm thoughout may not have been intended, but it was so close already that I figured I'd mention this.

I did, however, enjoy where the poem stutters a bit.

"All others around you can only see
exactly what you make yourself to be"


It just happens to be a part I think people should reread, and need to realize. Although obvious, I don't think it is understood as apparent as it sounds. If you did this purposefully, which I wouldn't doubt, GREAT JOB!

Outside of the comments so far, I will share with you something that's been shared with me. I will also admit that I rarely heed the advice, and would hope you take it for what it is.

The lack of punctuation with the poem is something people will pick on. I don't like punctuating most of my poetry as I feel it breaks the rhythm and the mood. Figured I would state it just in case it is something you didn't already think about.

Thanks so much for sharing this, hope to see you continue to post for us to enjoy!


If you'd like, I've selected a poem from another member I think you may enjoy to read and/or review. I chose it because you'd said you try not to make physical objects be the focus of your poems. This one does use a flower in a couple of stanzas, but does a great job keeping the flower itself out of focus. Who knows, you may find it neat!

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#1632971 by Not Available.



J. Lee


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
9
9
Review of How to !!  
Review by J. Lee
Rated: E | (5.0)
On my first pass,
I love it.
Though again and again I will need to reread.

On the initial react,
I love it.
It over and again paints a free belief.

Though rhyme is there,
It's subtle flow
Its in-betweens
Could isolate

And snuggle there
In piece, so warm
Inviting in
The quandary
To lift.


I honestly don't know how to review this. There is so much in these few words that have me curious and questioning. I adore that feeling, and is one of the main reasons I like to practice my poetic pursuit. You've just made that pursuit sound easy, is all!

I will be back to this work over and over, without a doubt in my mind. Thanks for the amazing read, and wisdom!

J. Lee
10
10
Review of Portraits  
Review by J. Lee
Rated: E | (5.0)
I was unsure, at first, what the idea of the contest was.

*Fishp* I had just read the poem, and adored the words. How they played with each other in the flow they shared. I how it started with a somber, solitude, type of feeling. I typically start my piano playing similarly, it soothes me into the trance required to keep playing.

*Dolphin* After a couple of reads, I looked up at the picture. Without looking back at the poem, I read it through the visual display. And then again, and then yet again reread the words.

*Heart* I am on a journey of love, of late. Not romance, but strictly of love. This poem truly speaks to me on that level. Even with the idea of a tearing apart of lovers, and lovers in a last embrace, it's written as though my heart is returning home to read.

*Yinyang* From my perspective, the balance in this poem is phenomenal, unlike the balance of my beefs to bouquets when commenting here! I can't justifiably say I've found anything at all wrong with this poem, technical or sensually.

Thanks for a great post!!!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
11
11
Review by J. Lee
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Greets!!

I came across your story from the Writer's Cramp while finishing up the recent Spiritual Newsletter, "The Gift of a Year by Shannon .

I had gone through a slump with reading for the last long while, but am glad to be back on track now as it has blessed me with the chance to run into this work.

*Questionbl* I was unsure if I'd be disappointed that I knew what the key was for as soon as it was introduced in the story, but remembering the Writer's Cramp competition from when I used to enter (word restrictions specifically), it taught me that just because I know where something is going... I'll get back to this in a bit.

I loved the flow your story reads with. I did have to reread a couple of paragraphs, however it is 2 in the morning, so this is nothing to do with the way it was written! *Bigsmile* At first I thought it may have been due to longer paragraphs throughout, but when rereading the paragraphs in question you did a wonderful job of opening, explaining, and ending each paragraph on the relevant topics they had started with. Maybe I'm overcritical at this time of day.

Some of the descriptive words used caught my fancy very quickly. Your vocabulary within was well used. It added a perfect sense of the scene to go along with a nice tugging along of your reader through the plot. Again, just because I knew what the key was going to be for.... well, I think you know where I'm going with this.

*Microscope* As for an area for improvement - and completely just opinion as you well know :

The drive took me an hour in traffic, and as I pulled up to the address, my research confirmed that it was indeed a small, brand-new house in the revitalized area of town.

This sentence seemed like it could be written with less commas. You haven't made any errors, as the sentence works with the commas, though I feel it could be reworded to alleviate some of the interruptions in it.

Pulling up to the address after an hour long drive through traffic, my research confirmed that it was indeed a small, brand-new house in the revitalized area of town.

Though only one less comma, I think it feels a bit better as a reader. Also, I had nothing else I could pick on so I had to reach for any type of a moderately helpful suggestion I could find!!!

*Awarenessb* My favorite point :

The key's purpose will make itself known.

I'm going to go out on a limb and say the key's purpose wasn't just to open the door to the home. I see the key's purpose as the anonymity tied with the emotion of gratitude and joy felt by the character. As the renewal of faith in people as well as in our own hope.

When things get tough, it's moments like this - placed anywhere within the scale of extremes that they may be - which help us 'breakthrough' as opposed to 'breaking down' like Shannon suggested within the newsletter. It's no question this piece deserved editor's choice.

Well done!!

I hope to come back and read some more of your writings, I truly did enjoy this one.


Regards!!

J. Lee




... oh ya, I said I would get back to the part about knowing what the key was for. Just because I knew what the key was going to be for, doesn't mean I had any clue how it would get there... or what it would look like when I did *Wink*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
12
12
Review by J. Lee
Rated: E | (5.0)
Greetings.

I stumbled upon this piece in the editor's picks from the recent Spiritual Newsletter.

I have always said that I don't like to review poetry, and there is good reason for this. Perhaps review is the wrong word, I prefer not to critique it in any way outside of technical questions like unintended spelling mistakes or similar things.

The reason for this is amplified when I comment on a piece such as this, which is tied in with a beautiful connection to spirit and source through a cry, a prayer.

I don't claim to know how deep the emotions go, from where this prayer was born. I do however, love the ability to feel while I read through it.

You've started by representing the confusion and pain with fantastic simplicity, meshed with intricate or delicate webs of deeper emotion than simplicity.

When you begin building the emotion to a stronger level,

"O’ Grandfather please hear my words
We live not in peace but by demon swords"

I was instantly drawn to wanting to understand both the source of the emotion, as well as the metaphor and imagery you used throughout the rest of the poem/prayer.

"A fire burns in our hearts but not for love
There’s no honor, only blood from above"

- This is a perfect depiction of many of my struggles. I often place vanity above clarity and love, and suffer the consequences all too often for doing so.

"We suffocate ourselves, our deeds are weak
My eyes burn from the tears I cannot speak"

This quote is so powerful in its success to reach me. I understand it, I relate to it, and I felt after reading and rereading it.

What shall I do, will you turn your back
Courage, a warrior’s heart…this I lack"

- In italics because I falter back and forth from having the warrior's heart, to retreating inside of my shell in disbelief that I can maintain

"Life is vain…Grandfather, please spare none!
Where have the eagles gone?"


I'm typically always a fan of a conclusion matching the opening. I don't know why, and don't typically question it. But you've done a perfect job in doing it, regardless.

Thanks for posting this, I'm glad Sophyween selected your poem to display in this edition's letter. I just resubscribed and this is my first issue since.

Keep posting!
13
13
Review of Bible in a Closet  
Review by J. Lee
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)


Hey there, as mentioned in a previous email, you were selected to receive some reviews as a long overdue prize from an auction in the past. You were chosen by Carol, Bride of Writingstein - who I have had the pleasure of reviewing as well - as the newbie to be reviewed. Big fan of alot of her works now.

I don't know how to approach this review. I don't want it to be a technical review because you obviously wrote it without a lot of technical/grammatical focus in the first place. Many people will point out the use of 'helluva' and similar words as a downfall... which I suppose in published writing could lose respect... but I much prefer to hear a writer's story told the way they would speak, rather than dressed up. It seems far more real.

Whether or not the anger and resentment towards your mother and father and religion in general is true is not my business. What is my business as a reader and reviewer is to point out how real it seemed, or didn't. I believe every emotion in this story is true from within you.

I loved the humor in the anger while writing as well. By far my favorite comedic line was this :

We did non-Jesus things for a very Jesus-like amount of time.

Seriously, that was literary brilliance!! It dances on edginess while being sarcastically playful enough to find the compassion within you.

Alluding to the "Inner Patrick" was also something I could relate to. I try to find different ways to personify the inner self dialog without directly mentioning it like this, but it does make for a good branch to go off on if you wanted to. It gives the reader a more personal connection to the character, and if done correctly, to the writer as well.

The religious rage bled on these pages - for a few different reasons which you've pointed out - was a great build to be dropped off at the end leaving the reader curious. I didn't know if I was still angry, or if I was settled that there may be some relief. Cliffhanging the emotion is great.

Another big up I've got for you was the use of biblical/christian colloquialisms as often as possible. Added to the humor, and I'm sure to the rage of Christian's who may get offended by this. No matter the case, humor and rage both stir emotion, so you've hit the goldmine on this one. I don't think there is any quicker way to stir ego, pride, resentment, bitterness, drama, rage, anger, - and their opposites - than to touch on such a personal topic as belief. Kudos on that in all of its forms within your writing.

Thanks for posting this, I enjoyed the journey into your ink, and quite possibly into your life as well.

J. Lee


14
14
Review of Realizations  
Review by J. Lee
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello hello :)

My name is Justin and I will be your guest in this review. I couldn't say I'm the host as this is your port, and your piece, and you have been so kind to post this brilliant bit of writing for my benefit and your's :)



Please be aware that this review is solely based on my opinion and preference only. I am one reader out of many, and by no means wish to do any more than provide a different perspective which is both helpful and encouraging as much as possible!


And now for the fun stuff!!!


The Emotional Affect-Effect :

I liked how I could kind of see the point of view from both Nupur and her Parents, and could side with either one of them depending on the time. It was set up beautifully to show the truth about how our actions and striving towards unnecessary and sometimes unreal things can be mislead and unfruitful to say the least *Smile*



The Perfect Portrait:

Now, none of her friends visited her, the long waited phone calls were missing. After all, who wants to be with a sick person accepting for real friends? Real friends are definitely hard to be found.

By this time, Nupur slowly began realizing her mistakes. She had run after glass pieces instead of looking for diamonds. She kept comparing herself with her ultra rich friends, instead of counting her own blessings. Now, when she really wished for a real friend, she had none by her side.



Again, I like this part because even though she had to learn the hard way, you put across a beautiful lesson in these last paragraphs.

My Favorite Excerpt:

Over the next few days, Nupur’s demands increased drastically. She started complaining about the simplest issues.

“Mom, my friend’s dad got a new Premio car, when do I get one?” She asked one day.



I chose this because I got a bit of a chuckle from the expectations and demands teenagers can put on their parents. It's something I'm sure most of us used to do at that age, or will do at that age. Such little concern for how to get things, we just want them without question!

That Technical Grammatical 'Wish-I-Had-Done-One-Last-Edit' Kind of Stuff:

I noticed a few different instances of either misuse of words or little typos. I don't point them all out to discourage you, moreso to give you the opportunity to turn a great piece of work even better *Smile*

Here they are :

She would prefer chatting with her friends over phone
should read...
She would prefer chatting with her friends over the phone


“I’ve got to tell her father to restrict Nupur’s cell usage.” Rabeya said top herself.
should read...
“I’ve got to tell her father to restrict Nupur’s cell usage.” Rabeya said to herself.


why do you think your straight A’s got down o C’s and D’s?”
should read...
why do you think your straight A’s got down to C’s and D’s?”


exasperated by all the sudden demands
should read...
exasperated by all of the sudden demands


Nupur could not do anything in bed accept studying
should read...
Nupur could not do anything in bed except studying


After all, who wants to be with a sick person accepting for real friends
should read...
After all, who wants to be with a sick person except for real friends


The Overalls:


I thought this was a well thought out piece and was glad I chose to read it. I'm at work and it's a little slow so I had small amounts of time, and the length of this story was just right! I liked that there were not so many characters that it was hard to follow but just enough characters to keep it interesting and moving. Great Job!


J. Lee

15
15
Review of The day you left  
Review by J. Lee
Rated: E | (4.5)
First and foremost, if this is based on a true happening, I apologize for you lost horse. A pet can just be a pet, or it can be a member of ourself, which your horse seemed to be to you.

I like how you mentioned that the thought of life seems to lend itself towards beauty and happiness, yet the truth about life can be far from those blessings. I was talking with a friend last night about how it seems I am just waiting for another bright day in my life, but the waiting seems to take longer and longer. I'm not morbid, just saddened lately.

The poem was written in the same style I used to enjoy writing in. Free verse with no stanzas, just one long flow, like a soliloquy. I feel this style of writing is closest to the truth in the moment, because they seem to just flow off the pen with no room or time for thoughts which may taint the true feeling.

The only part that stuck out to me for changing was when you said Trying to impression upon me that it is lovely. I think that should say Trying to impress upon me that it is lovely. I may be wrong, but it seems that works better.

Either way, I hope you keep writing and I look forward to reading another few pieces in your port!
16
16
Review of Sanity  
Review by J. Lee
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hey,

You keep making me sad while at the same time completely inspiring my old poet. I love this piece, and really hope it's not truely how you're feeling at the moment, but congradulate and admire the skill you have putting it to paper if you are. The last couple of poems I've read by you have done the same thing to me. Don't know if it's just the mood I'm currently in, or more than likely, the mood your pen has the ability to put me in!

Keep writing, it inspires those you'd least expect! Thanks for sharing *Smile*
17
17
Review of Shout  
Review by J. Lee
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Nicely put frustrations. I didn't know what to feel throughout. At first, I felt pity and sadness, and then attachment and understanding, halfway through I was feeling as though I were the character, upset and hurt with those I was trying to help, but then near the end, an abrupt emptiness. I see how you ended it and how that was the end you chose, but I just started getting into the flow and feel, and then... bye bye!

18
18
Review by J. Lee
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello hello :)

My name is Justin and I will be your guest in this review. I couldn't say I'm the host as this is your port, and your piece, and you have been so kind to post this story for all of us on WDC to enjoy!
*Smile*


Please sit back, grab something to drink, and enjoy. Keep in mind these are only one persons views, but as we've talked a little bit already, I'm sure you know I would not say anything negative without making it creative feedback! Just for a quick notice, anything underlined in blue can be clicked on to expand or contract the comments! Hope you enjoy!




And now for the fun stuff!!!


Upon First Glance :


The Perfect Portrait:

My Favorite Excerpt:

That Technical Grammatical 'Wish-I-Had-Done-One-Last-Edit' Kind of Stuff:

The Overalls:


I hope this review provided the type of feedback you can grow from, no matter what that looks like to you :) If there are any places you wish I had touched on in more detail, or categories you wished I had included in my review, I would love to hear from you. Also if you don't agree with what I said and want to let me know or ask why I say what I do, once again, my inbox would embrace you as much as I would!! We can't grow if we don't know!!

J. Lee
19
19
Review of Freak Of Nature  
Review by J. Lee
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hey, another great piece!

The only reason I gave 4 star and not higher is the few "Im" instances which should have been "I'm". I know how you're writing, but these things will make a difference in some readers. I find it funny saying this, as the poem is based around not worrying about what others think, but hey, what can I say? *Laugh*

I absolutely loved the lines :

I have nothing to give
So what could I have to lose?


I think those are highly powerful words!

Again, keep it going; loving what I've read so far! *Smile*

J. Lee
20
20
Review of NO ESCAPE  
Review by J. Lee
Rated: E | (5.0)
Amazing job! I'm sorry this is not my typical type of review, but I couldn't just pass through and read this without comment. The repeat is precisely where I've been all night long, and where I'd been for many months and years.

I love how you touch on the no one understanding... judging you rude, because they can't see inside. Sometimes I struggle with that being their fault, and other times I realize that it is no fault of their's as I won't give them more than a story to paint their portraits of me. Story telling doesn't always find the soul, unless you really know how to read.

Honestly, I felt like I was reading something I had written, or at least wanted to write.

Thank you for this poem, it helps.
21
21
Review of Going Blank  
Review by J. Lee
Rated: E | (4.5)
Thanks for sharing! *Smile*


I'd like to start out this review by saying how amazingly you have captured some feelings I struggled to articulate. The following line is amazing :


It's as if the past self, who is happy and stable, is staring back at me through the eye of this new empty hopeless fool.


So often I find myself looking out, and seeing nothing of any interest. And when looking in, all I see is yesterday, when things made sense and I was able to laugh and do anything at all.

Nowadays, the effects of my mind states still impose themselves on my day to day living, but I've found some new pieces that keep a bit of color in the puzzle atleast.

I kind of chuckle at myself, because in reading this I could have sworn I wrote it. The way you speak, the sentence structure, the word choice, the 'she...I...' is something I've used in writing, of course using the 'He/Them.. I/Me' instead of She *Wink*. I also find it somewhat intriguing that having felt and thought these exact things for the same reason as your piece suggests, I find myself trying to acheive some of them for the betterment of my self. For Example :


I blink, I breathe. But no thoughts run through my mind, or trail around in little circles throughout my inner walls.


I have struggled and suffered with this in the past, but now, I struggle with the opposite. I find it near impossible to quiet the thoughts in my head or behind my walls. And the solitude and magnificence of pure serenity, no thoughts or spin cycles in my head, is something that I wish for and work towards. It's almost like that grass is always greener concept.

The only reason I did not give this a perfect rating was because there were a few times I had to read a line 3 or 4 times to understand what was being said. Perhaps breaking up longer sentences into 2 sentences, or somehow slowing down the flow of some of them would be helpful.

For some reason though, I think I feel where you were creating this from. I have written these types of pieces enough times to know that the punctuation, or sentence breaks, can often cause a loss to the purposed feel of the whole piece.

Regardless of anything I have written in this review, keep posting and amazing job!!! I look forward to reading more when you feel inspired to write! I also like the last thing you said in your bioblock, it shows a tonne of character and integrity. "I hope you like what I have to say, and if not, then I accept that."
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Review by J. Lee
Rated: E | (4.5)

A Philosophic Response and Review

of...

DO WE NEED RELIGION, MORALS AND ETHICS?


I first and foremost would like to applaud and recognize the message you bring forth. I highly agree with the underlying theme, however take a bit of a different stand on my views in your theory.

I know it is somewhat unnecessary to say in reviews that 'this is only my opinion', however in this case I almost feel it completely necessary given the topic and touchiness of the topic you have written on.




Click for my feedback and review

Click for my response to this piece


Thank you for this piece, and I look forward to reading more of your pieces.

*Smile*


J. Lee
23
23
Review of Dear Me  
Review by J. Lee
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi there!

This was a refreshing read! I literally had just put a book down which helps set financial goals, gave a few moments of thought towards the fact that I no longer carry daily or weekly goals, and then I came on WDC and hit the 'Random Read' button and this came up. Little bit of a message from above maybe?!

Fully out of curiosity : I am aware this piece is 4 years old, how did that year go? Did some/all of these goals get met? How does your basement look? Hopeful that things went well!

Thanks for posting this *Smile*
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24
Review of Handicapped  
Review by J. Lee
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi there! *Bigsmile*

This was a very quick piece, with a massive and powerful truth in it. I could not have chosen any better words than you did in the following lines :

Sometimes, what I can't do, is all you see.
Then to you, sometimes myself too,
What I can't do, becomes me.


A lot of people can be found guilty at one point or another of making somebody's ability equivalent to their whole character, and sad as this is, it is still quite prevalent. We seem to use others' lack as our veil to hide behind. Somehow we believe it is easier this way than it is to face the fact that we are all flawed in our own ways. The strong and true friends are those who show us our flaws as our strengths, and limit our ego at every turn.

It's also used in opposite fashion as well, where we make someone with massive ability larger than life, and forgive things we would normally condemn others for. Such a funny world when these things are not taken personally, but instead from an outside perspective.

Anyways, soooooooo rambling right now!!!!

Fantastic job on this piece, I am delighted I got the opportunity to read it!

Write On!!!

J. Lee
25
25
Review by J. Lee
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Greetings from Justin!!!

Please be aware that this review is a Quick Review. It just means that I have limited time in writing this, most likely because I am at work, or in the very rare chance that I am on a date!!

Let's get into it!!

The First Impression :

I liked the feel of the poem, and absolutely loved the title of it. It flows well in most parts, and even the parts that break the meter a bit I still was able to continue enjoying the statements you were implying.


The Picture That Sticks:

We cure the disease
and we bully the tease
We simplify ease
and we never say please

Conditions we make
and beliefs we all fake


This stood out to me mainly because of the last 2 lines. I share the assumption that there are many people who believe so blindly in things that they do not portray in their daily lives and actions. To me that is what faking belief would be, cherishing the ideals, but living outside of them.

I quoted the other lines because I find it ironic. We cure the disease, then 'bully the tease' and recreate the disease all over again. We simplify ease, because we always seem to have the driving need to over-complicate the simplicity of things! sort of like my last comment!



The Rating And Reason:

In Quick Reviews I like to give a gut impression rating. I base it on how much you affected me, as a reader, in how short or rushed a time I had to read your piece.

I rated this piece a 4.5 instead of the original 4 I had in mind. The only thing I struggled with was the meter in the end, but I know that when I'm writing a poem I do the same. Sometimes it appears to break meter, but if I were to have you read it to me I am sure it would flow perfectly!


On your request, I can and would love to take the time, when I get it, to give you a more in depth review and a more well thought out rating. If you want such things we can make it happen, just send me a quick email and I'll see to it that it happens within the next 24 hours :) Thank you for this piece none-the-less :)



J. Lee
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