The following is my humble feedback on your work:-
The Language: Easy to understand.
The Plot: An interesting debate between two wealthy individuals on how to put their huge wealth to good use.
What I enjoyed? I liked the idea of buying a poor country and work toward enhancing the happiness and well-being of its citizens. You created a really graphic and humorous portrayal of Paul.
This paragraph was both caustic and humorous: Dennison, lounging on the couch, His pudgy body squashed into what was supposed to pass as a tennis outfit, reminded Art of a painting of Nero at the height of his corruption. All he needed was a slave fanning him and another feeding him grapes.
The difference in the thinking of the two men could probably be attributed to their rearing. Once had everything handed to him on a silver platter. The other had to toil for every penny.
The characterization of Dennison is such that one would love to hate him. I cringed at the way he waved the butler away with disdain. Though you do not mention this as such, but I think that would be the case.
I wonder how Arthur and Dennison are friends.
Friendly Suggestions:The name of the story doesn't sound apt or relevant.
I give a 5 rating to all stories I review so as to not diminish the appeal of your story for other readers. My actual rating is
The following is my humble feedback on your work:-
The Language: Easy to understand.
The Plot: A policewoman goes undercover to nab a rogue workman who is trying to cut corners.
What I enjoyed? I liked that Sara is doing something to prevent shoddy workmanship. It is wrong the cheat customers and such workers need to have their trade license revoked.
Friendly Suggestions: I thought a cop (even a rookie) going undercover to catch a carpenter was a bit far-fetched. Sara could even have been a rookie maintenance supervisor.
You write oldO glass. You need to drop the O.
I give a 5 rating to all stories I review so as to not diminish the appeal of your story for other readers. My actual rating is 4.
The following is my humble feedback on your work:-
The Language: Exquisite piece of writing. This is what I call an erudite piece of writing.
The Plot: A poignant piece written in the first person and seems autobiographical that talks about the trials and tribulations of a child that was born out of wedlock.
What I enjoyed? This was such a powerful piece written in the voice of someone who has been such grievously wronged in her childhood. The torture was heart rending to read about. But I am so happy for the writer that everything works out so well in the end just because she is a determined woman with resolve and spirit.
This sentence was great: It is an acknowledgment that I am not the product of randomness or inappropriate sex but instead the deliberate work of my Creator, who allowed my existence with purpose and foresight.
Friendly Suggestions: Why was the writer singled out for such unfair treatment? This part could do with some clarification.
I am also not sure about the word Blount that you have used. Did you mean blunt?
I give a 5 rating to all stories I review so as to not diminish the appeal of your story for other readers. My actual rating is also 5.
The following is my humble feedback on your work:-
The Language:A train conductor pulls up a ticketless lady with unexpected consequences.
The Plot:A ticketless girl turns out to be a menacing vamp who holds all passengers to ransom by brandishing a pistol.
What I enjoyed?I found the storyline thrilling. The girl producing a revolver from her pocket in place of a ticket took me completely by surprised. I was eager to reach to the end hoping that the writer was police officer or something. Turned out that I am poor at guesswork.
Friendly Suggestions:It would help to have some rationale to the whole plot. Are the writer and the girl part of a professional gang? Do they work solo? Were they searching for some confidential document or were they plain and simple robbers?
I give a 5 rating to all stories I review so as to not diminish the appeal of your story for other readers. My actual rating is 4.
The following is my humble feedback on your work:-
The Language: Bit rough and patchy. I have included some edit suggestions in my Suggestions column.
The Plot: Two mafia syndicates meet at a public place to sign a truce agreement.
What I enjoyed? This was an unusual story. I compliment you for the idea. You manage to create some interest because the reader is looking forward to what happens in the meeting.
Friendly Suggestions: Your story could do with some edits. I am giving some suggestions below:-
You write: The group of men in suites that sat a rectangle table in dim light.
Suggestion: A group of men in suites sat at a rectangle table in dim light.
You write: “We should have them meet is here, instead.”
Suggestion: “We should have them meet us here, instead.”
You write: “let’s make this quick. Let us put the past behind us. Let us come to a permeant ceasefire and start working together.”
Suggestion: “Let’s make this quick. Let us put the past behind us. Let us come to a permanent ceasefire and start working together.”
I found the storyline interesting but weak. For one, what was the need to insert the part about John's conversation with the guy in the warehouse. And why did Sackson agree to receive part payment. What was the significance of the attack on Sackson's life? The end also read a bit rushed.
I give a 5 rating to all stories I review so as to not diminish the appeal of your story for other readers. My actual rating is 3.5.
The following is my humble feedback on your work:-
The Language:Easy to understand.
The Plot: A poignant love story involving a couple where one of them is suffering from a life-threatening ailment.
What I enjoyed?I liked the overall construct where the sick man is not forsaken by his family. In fact, he is cherished and cared for by his family. Maybe, he is wealthy which helps. The dialogue between husband and wife with a tinge of naughtiness was a delight to read. The flashback where you bring out Ron's virility and masculinity is sad to read. Nothing is as bitter as thinking about past joys when you are in a position of grief. The end was tragic but appropriate.
Friendly Suggestions:I feel it is a bit far-fetched for a man who is on his death bed to want to hold his wife's nude body. Ron fondling his wife's breasts and thumbing her nipple sounds untrue. I cannot think of a dying man wanting to indulge in such an activity. Yes, he might want to hold and cuddle. But anything beyond that is a bit too much. That is my personal thought.
I give a 5 rating to all stories I review so as to not diminish the appeal of your story for other readers. My actual rating is 4.
The following is my humble feedback on your work:-
The Language: Graphic but effective.
The Plot: A dark poem inspired by a broken heart.
What I enjoyed? I loved the vivid imagery that you created. There could be two ways to interpret your poem:-
1. A metaphorical poem written by a jilted lover.
2. A horror poem describing a creature from the underworld that rips open a human chest and feasts on the heart.
I believe it is the former and my review is based on that assumption. I was impressed by your fertile imagination. A calcified nail piercing open the chest and squeezing and mangling the heart! What a way to describe the feelings of one who has been hurt by someone he/she trusted. It may not just be a love story gone wrong. It could even be a man/ woman betrayed. Great work. Short yet precise.
Friendly Suggestions:None.
I give a 5 rating to all stories I review so as to not diminish the appeal of your story for other readers. My actual rating is also 5.
The following is my humble feedback on your work:-
The Language:Easy to understand.
The Plot: A fantasy poem about what would it be like to fly through the skies.
What I enjoyed? I enjoyed the colorful pictures that you painted off your tour of the universe. Diving through rainbows, exploring the clouds and gliding past Mars and Venus were exhilarating to imagine about.
Friendly Suggestions:
I give a 5 rating to all stories I review so as to not diminish the appeal of your story for other readers. My actual rating is also 5.
The following is my humble feedback on your work:-
The Language: Easy to understand.
The Plot: A story written in autobiographical form about a blind date going wrong.
What I enjoyed? Your story made me both happy and sad (if that were possible.). I enjoyed the humor but felt bad that the date turned out to be so horribly wrong. Though I like visiting zoos, but that would not be an idea of a date especially if I knew that the lady doesn't enjoy that. Some of your sentences made me laugh aloud.
Example: For example, when I was a hot young thing, the guy had to have beautiful white straight teeth. Now, they just have to have the majority of their teeth.
Friendly Suggestions: None
I give a 5 rating to all stories I review so as to not diminish the appeal of your story for other readers. My actual rating is 4.5.
The following is my humble feedback on your work:-
The Language: Easy to understand.
The Plot: A blind date turns out to be a disaster.
What I enjoyed? How harsh for Deb! It would be terrible to be in her place. I am sure she is lonely and needs some company. But that is not to be. In a way, it is good that she has learnt her lesson to not create false profiles. A relationship has to be based on trust.
Friendly Suggestions:None.
I give a 5 rating to all stories I review so as to not diminish the appeal of your story for other readers. My actual rating is also 5.
The following is my humble feedback on your work:-
The Language: Easy to understand.
The Plot: A poem of unrequited love.
What I enjoyed? The poem is a powerful depiction of the angst that tears the heart whose misfortune it is to love someone with the feelings being reciprocated. Some of your sentences are extremely haunting. Examples - Her laughter like poison, love not returned is doomed to die.
Friendly Suggestions:
I give a 5 rating to all stories I review so as to not diminish the appeal of your story for other readers. My actual rating is 4.5
The following is my humble feedback on your work:-
The Language: Slight rough and patchy. With some edits and formatting, the story would read a hundred times better.
The Plot: A forsaken and spurned wife extracts her revenge from her ex-husband.
What I enjoyed? I enjoyed the plotting and executing of the revenge. I admire Jamie for her resolve and courage. She has been through a lot but instead of meekly caving in or getting mad, she gets even. I enjoyed her silent rumination and her exultation when she witnesses the beginning of his destruction.
Friendly Suggestions:
You write: Jamie would have loved to see her ex suffering like had made her suffer.
Suggestion: Jamie would have loved to see her ex suffering like he had made her suffer.
You write: To see his face as the place burned would have been icing on the cake.
Suggestion: To see his face as the place burned would have been the icing on the cake.
You write: They believed she had stole from Pete and had affairs..
Suggestion: They believed she had stolen from Pete and had affairs.
You write: It would be like tangling a carrot in front of him.
Suggestion: It would be like dangling a carrot in front of him.
I give a 5 rating to all stories I review so as to not diminish the appeal of your story for other readers. My actual rating is 4.
The following is my humble feedback on your work:-
The Language:Smooth and lucid.
The Plot: A hilarious and satirical take on excessive learning.
What I enjoyed?This is what I call a delightful read. No complexities to deal with. No need to ponder about what the author is thinking. It is straight and simple that excessive learning and specializations only make us less and less relevant to real life. I liked the intelligent manner in which you weaved in this central thought through the fictional narrative of an alien land.
Friendly Suggestions:None
I give a 5 rating to all stories I review so as to not diminish the appeal of your story for other readers. My actual rating is also 5.
The following is my humble feedback on your work:-
The Language: Easy to understand.
The Plot: A horror story where a woman wakes up unmindful of what she has done the previous night.
What I enjoyed? I liked the suspense that you created. I read the entire take literally in one breath to reach to the end and find out what had happened. You describe well the mental confusion of your main protagonist as she wakes up in the morning and goes through her morning rituals.
Friendly Suggestions: There are various ways in which this story can be interpreted. To me, the woman has murdered her husband and daughter and has buried them in the basement of the house. Is she mentally ill? Is she schizophrenic? Is she a split personality? You will have to give something to the readers to make your tale more plausible.
I give a 5 rating to all stories I review so as to not diminish the appeal of your story for other readers. My actual rating is 4.
The following is my humble feedback on your work:-
The Language:Simple and easy to understand.
The Plot:An old couple are provoked to get into shape when they see some of their old photos.
What I enjoyed?This is what I call a fund read. It was so refreshing to come across this right in the morning. The camera roll was an intelligent way to show the couple a mirror of what they once were like. The end sentence is amusing and humorous.
Friendly Suggestions:None.
I give a 5 rating to all stories I review so as to not diminish the appeal of your story for other readers. My actual rating is also 5.
The following is my humble feedback on your work:-
The Language:Easy to understand.
The Plot:Two kid boys who are steadfast friends have a fallout but reconcile again.
What I enjoyed? I enjoyed the simplicity of the tale. Usually, I read stories about adults. These are complex reads because mature minds are colored by experiences and harshness of real life. Kids are innocent and naive which is why stories about them tend to be refreshing and sweet. Your character Kiev certainly is a freakish character prone to accidents which makes him quite remarkable. Martin seems to be wiser beyond his years. Both are adorable characters.
Friendly Suggestions: The place where Martin ends up pushing Kiev has to be explained a bit more. You need to bring out what happened and that it was unintentional.
I give a 5 rating to all stories I review so as to not diminish the appeal of your story for other readers. My actual rating is 4.5.
The following is my humble feedback on your work:-
The Language: Smooth and lucid.
The Plot: An old spinster who has inherited a business that involves honey and bees. She has lost her sisters to accidents involving bees and worries that the same fate will befall her.
What I enjoyed? The story is a unique theme. You have a thrilling style. You manage to hook the reader right at the beginning. I read the entire tale with bated breath anxious to reach the end. Good work there.
Friendly Suggestions: It would help to clear up the mystery of the deaths of the two sisters and what actually happened to Pudi. Is she schizophrenic?
I give a 5 rating to all stories I review so as to not diminish the appeal of your story for other readers. My actual rating is 4.5.
The following is my humble feedback on your work:-
The Language: Easy to understand.
The Plot: A young girl is being pursued by an unknown adversary who always seems to be one step ahead of her.
What I enjoyed? You manage to hook the reader from the first para itself. You create excitement and suspense. You have created an interesting and thrilling storyline. You bring out well the anxiety and apprehension of the chief protagonist.
Friendly Suggestions: The ending did not work for me. It did not flow logically. Why was the predator lurking after his prey? How does he have all her intimate details? I did not find an answer within your story.
I give a 5 rating to all stories I review so as to not diminish the appeal of your story for other readers. My actual rating is 3.5
The following is my humble feedback on your work:-
The Language:Easy to understand.
The Plot: A choir member wins the hearts of two deserving women - one is an altar server and the other one is a recluse who lives in the upstairs of the cathedral.
What I enjoyed? Your story had a hook with me wanting to know more about the recluse. She was the highlight of the story. My heart bled for her fate. You have weaved together a memorable love triangle and one cannot help but feel sorry for both the ladies at the end. Nathaniel's identity took me by surprise.
Friendly Suggestions:I did feel puzzled about the ages of your characters. You say that Greta had served for sixteen years ever since she was a teenager. That would put her at at least 39 years. However, I got a feeling of tender teenage love between Nathaniel and her. And if Greta is 39, how old is Nathaniel. If Nathaniel is an angel, isn't he supposed to know the truth about the Apparition. I also had a feeling that Greta was the girl who had thrown acid on the Apparition's face. But that is not what it turned out to be. Maybe, you could consider that and make Nathaniel get a reconciliation between the two ladies. As a form of her self-chastisement, Greta decides to give up all worldly pleasures. She moves into to the cathedral with Greta and the two stay devoted to each other for the rest of their lives.
I give a 5 rating to all stories I review so as to not diminish the appeal of your story for other readers. My actual rating is 4.
The following is my humble feedback on your work:-
The Language:Easy to understand.
The Plot:An authoress gets involved with a handsome man at a remote beach. She is heartbroken when she discovers that he has been cheating on her.
What I enjoyed?I liked the premise of your story. A successful author secluded in a remote location where you do nothing but write. Mara is human after all but given her age, status and experience, her gullibility surprised me. She turned out to be an easy prey for Kyle.
Friendly Suggestions: The end about the potion and the destruction of Kyle do not come across as logical. Even though you have mentioned supernatural as one of the genres, you might want to keep the end simple and logical. For example, Mara feeds her a potion which renders Kyle effeminate and impotent for life. But that is just my suggestion. I mean no offence.
I give a 5 rating to all stories I review so as to not diminish the appeal of your story for other readers. My actual rating is 4.
The following is my humble feedback on your work:-
The Language: Easy to understand. The conversation between Lawford and the art dealer was highly entertaining.
The Plot: A man discovers an old painting in his house. He suspects that it is an original Van Gogh.
What I enjoyed? This was a well-written story. The chain of thoughts that are triggered in Lawford's mind when he sees the painting are beautifully described. You manage to create suspense and are able to hook the reader. The end is hilarious.
Friendly Suggestions:
I give a 5 rating to all stories I review so as to not diminish the appeal of your story for other readers. My actual rating is also 5.
The following is my humble feedback on your work:-
The Language:Simple and lucid.
The Plot: A brief essay on the institution of marriage with a humorous bent at the end using some hilarious videos.
What I enjoyed? I liked the fact that your essay did provoke me to think deep about the institution of marriage. I come from a culture where divorces aren't so common but unfortunately things are drifting that way. While I agree that marrying for love and companionship are important, it is important to recognize that marriage is a partnership. If one of the partners gains financial security, the other one must be gaining some sort of comfort and friendship. Actually, it is important that each partner recognizes the strengths and weaknesses of the other and takes on the role that he/she is best suited for.
Friendly Suggestions:None
I give a 5 rating to all stories I review so as to not diminish the appeal of your story for other readers. My actual rating is 4.
The following is my humble feedback on your work:-
The Language:Smooth and easy to understand.
The Plot:A tribute to a diligent doctor who tales immense care of all her patients in spite of the fact that she herself is also seriously ill.
What I enjoyed? I was so fortunate to stumble upon this gem of a work. It is rare to find a caregiver like Amber these days which makes her passing away such an irreplaceable loss for society. Of course, her own family would be the one that would suffer the most but since all her patients were like family to her, her passing away would cause immense grief to all. What was great about Amber was that she never gave up on you. She always provided you with hope and succor.
I am also sorry to know about your auto-immune condition. Hoping and praying that you are doing well.
Friendly Suggestions: Breast cancer is curable if detected in time. You could use your story to send across a message to all your readers that all the women in the family need to periodically undergo the tests for breast cancer.
I give a 5 rating to all stories I review so as to not diminish the appeal of your story for other readers. My actual rating is also 5.
The following is my humble feedback on your work:-
The Language:Easy to understand.
The Plot: The story of a young scholar who embarks on an arduous and dangerous search to search for an unlikely treasure: books and knowledge.
What I enjoyed?I marveled at Gerhard's resoluteness and determination to undertake a perilous journey in the search of knowledge. The disparaging remarks of the citizens when Gerhard begins his voyage made has metaphorical connotations. The world is not kind to innovation. You have to be a braveheart to do accomplish anything novel. Gerhard seems to be endowed with the right frame of mind to qualify as one. The vines guarding the books was an unique idea.
Friendly Suggestions: Certain things remain unclear to me. Why does Gerhard turn away when the fig falls from his hand? Does he study the books in the library or not? What special knowledge does he gain from his quest?
I give a 5 rating to all stories I review so as to not diminish the appeal of your story for other readers. My actual rating is 4.
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.23 seconds at 2:47am on Jun 19, 2025 via server WEBX2.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
