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Printed from http://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/profmoriarty
Review Requests: ON
560 Public Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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1
1
Review of Original Sin  
Review by Prof Moriarty
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Let me compliment you on the your language which is smooth as silk. It must have taken enormous effort and that shows through. The story hooks you right away, and I read it at at a furious pace, hurrying to reach the end. Somehow you hit upon every male fantasy - a week at some exotic beach resort with all expenses paid. To add to it, there is the hint of romance because you tease the reader with images of a seductive wealthy patroness.

The end is a bit abrupt, but that is nitpicking. I enjoyed the story. It was after a long time that I read anything here (life gets in the way, you know!) and it was worth every second of my time.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
2
2
Review by Prof Moriarty
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
This story definitely hooked me in right from the first word. Your lucid writing style added to the pleasure of the read. You do use a lot of passive verbs, but I have always maintained that if the plot is right and the grammar correct, it doesn't really matter. You do get a lot of advice on this site to avoid using "was," but I do not subscribe to that view.

Your story contains enough suspense and horror elements and should go down well with lovers of these genres. If you do not have the constraints of words, you should dwell a bit more on the panic elements and how the protagonist is chilled to the bone. Some elementary references to why the grandmother's spirits chose to visit him would help matters. You do not have to offer lengthy explanations. Simply drop a couple of hints and leave the rest to the reader's imagination.

You deserve credit for the chilling portrayal of the spirit. How the main lead realizes that it is his grandmother - the silhouette, the bending of the hand at the back and the blackness in the backdrop of the dark- certainly deserves kudos.

Unfortunately, your story falters at a crucial point. The absence of any logical explanation. Writers of the horror genre often do that. They create a gory outcome and leave the reader shortchanged with the lack of purpose. Add that, and your story would rise a few notches.

On interesting aspect is that the reader doesn't know the sex of the protagonist. I have used the masculine gender in general terms only. If you make her a female, the story would work even better. Maybe that's my personal fetish, but I always enjoy horror stories with female leads.

I would rate your story a 3.5 or 4. On the forum, I rate all stories 5 so that the writer could attract some more readers.

All the best with your writing.

3
3
Review of New Home  
Review by Prof Moriarty
In affiliation with  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
I, Prof Moriarty , review your story as a judge of "The Creative Detailing Contest [13+]. Thanks for entering this contest. Kindly note that the following review, provided in good faith and out of genuine concern, is entirely my personal opinion. It is my humble endeavor to be rational, encouraging, pertinent and impartial. But, if I fail in my attempt and cause you any distress, I would beg to be pardoned. As a fellow writer, I fully understand and appreciate the time and effort it would have taken to create this item.

*FlowerR* The title:

The title does suggest the contents, but may not necessarily hook the reader.

*LeafR* Brief description:

A woman moves into a new home and makes a startling discovery.

*Ornament2R* The characters:

Good job done on all the characters in the story. The best was the way you feed us details of Sophie's past life. The teacher's character is also well-developed. I could feel all her apprehensions. Even the cat assumed a characteristic of its own.


*GiftB* Kudos and Applause:

I enjoyed the detailed description of the house and the 'moving in' process. House shifting is a painful task, and you do well in bringing out the nuances and intricacies starting with the unpacked boxes.

You use good creativity in giving an unexpected twist to the story. Scenes from holocaust movies floated before my eyes as I read about Sophie and Otto.


*Paste* I have a few humble suggestions, but please remember that you are the best judge of your writing :

The previous owner of the house is not yet dead. She has moved to a nursing home. Unless, it is some major ailment, one would expect that the realtor would contact her first and not the niece to mention about the diary.

If I were in Shirley's place, I would probably try to get in touch with Sophie. It could be the beginning of a wonderful relationship.

*Cut*Technical, Grammar and Spelling:

The following are only my personal opinions. Ultimately, you and only you can decide what works best for your story. The sentences in red show how your story currently reads. The ones adjacent in black are what you may consider.


I had not noticed before but the curtains appeared to be homemade. I had not noticed before[,] but the curtains appeared to be homemade.

Finally I had my bedroom to set up. Finally[,] I had my bedroom to set up.

I did not want the top part, which was glass to fall off, so I turned it around to see what was loose. I did not want the top part, which was glass[,] to fall off, so I turned it around to see what was loose.

*BalloonR* Overall Impression:

A story of moving into a new house. The end is highly unexpected and moving.

*Pencil*Rating parameters


Storyline: 5/5

Technical points (Language, Grammar, Flow, Spellings): 4/5

Emotional Connect / Impact / Eroticism: 4.5/5

Unputdownability: 4.5/5

Ending: 4.5/5

Degree of Detailing Score: 4.5/5


Thanks for allowing me the opportunity to read your submission.

Wish you all the best.

Regards

Moriarty

*RainbowL**Heart**Rainbowr*Never argue with a reader. She is always right.*RainbowL**Heart**Rainbowr*


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My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed.
4
4
Review by Prof Moriarty
In affiliation with  
Rated: E | (4.5)

This is a cute fairy tale that would appeal to all ages. It is simple to understand and easy to follow. I do not know whether it is necessary to create so many characters in the story. You have - Winnie,Christopher, Owl, Rabbit,Gopher, Tigger, Piglet, Eeorye, Kanga etc You should stick with or 3 characters only making it possible to understand a bit more about the characters.

I appreciated your clarification at the beginning on the spellings.

*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*


My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed.

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5
5
Review of Mommy, I'm Home  
Review by Prof Moriarty
In affiliation with  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)

You hook the reader from the word go. This was an enjoyable read with a lot of suspense which made me want to read this fast so I could quickly reach the outcome. You bring a sinister twist to the price Molly has to pay for her freedom.

The descriptions you use for Molly - cold and stinking - give this whole read a macabre feel.

Good job on the whole.

*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*


My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed.

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6
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Review of Circles Of Love  
Review by Prof Moriarty
In affiliation with  
Rated: E | (5.0)
I have always found it difficult to write or understand poetry, but am happy that I still haven't given up. That is why I chanced upon this lovely little piece of romantic exposition.
Thank you for making this so simple to understand and for taking the extra effort to make the lines rhyme. The emotions that you have packed into this short work are immense.
Forty-one years of togetherness! Nothing can be sweeter. I bow my head before your husband and you and wish you many more happy anniversaries to come.

*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*


My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed.

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7
Review by Prof Moriarty
In affiliation with  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Let me say that you kept me on the tenterhooks until the very hand. You could say that I literally read your piece in a single breath. Your ability to hook the reader is amazing.

The end proved to be an anti-climax, and I felt shortchanged. I don't know if there was some word constraint which forced you to end so abruptly. Yes, you make a passing mention to 'thermanuklaler,' but you need to ask yourself if that is sufficient.

In my mind, one of the characters could have been done away with to give you more room to expound the outcome. George in my mind is the most dispensable.

Of course, you're always the best judge of your story.

A gripping read on the whole.

*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*


My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed.

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8
8
Review by Prof Moriarty
In affiliation with  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)

This is a very smooth read. The language is elegant; the sentence construction exemplary. That is about the technical aspects of the writing.

Now, coming to the contents, you manage to impact the reader's mind with conflicting emotions in a very short space of time. First there is despondency which gives to hope which again ends in a heartbreak. Sad indeed. I also liked your comment on the "I." It caught my attention.

My only issue with this story is not being able to know what causes the separation second time around.

*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*


My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed.

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9
9
Review by Prof Moriarty
In affiliation with  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)

This is an amusing piece with erotic elements. The description of the alien character was fairly detailed and arousing though how she materialized in his bathroom remains a mystery. Yes, you do allude to it yourself but that doesn't absolve you form the responsibility of spelling out the details.

I would have loved you to use the tail in the sexual act in some way. That would have made the experience very different. Otherwise, Mita could have been very nuch a human being.

*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*


My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed.

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10
10
Review by Prof Moriarty
In affiliation with  
Rated: E | (4.5)
You have written a useful article which gives many tips on the the commercial benefits that can be accrued from the internet while sitting at home. I have an issue with your title because it indicates a vast scope. For example, there are other ways to sit at home and earn - tuition classes or home delivery of cooked food etc. You should probably title your essay "Working from Home through the Internet."

You can also be make this article useful by giving ideas on how one could get trained for the various work options that you have mentioned.

On the whole, an useful and informative article.










*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*


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11
11
Review of The Touch of God  
Review by Prof Moriarty
In affiliation with  
Rated: E | (4.5)
I fully endorse your views. There is a lot of power in prayer. To the believer, prayer is a means to unburden one's soul and ask for deliverance from sin.

There is one error in your work if I may. In the firth para it should be "alloted" and not "allot."

On the whole an excellent feel good poem written with a lot of sincerity.











*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*


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Review of Blood  
Review by Prof Moriarty
In affiliation with  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
This is a dark piece. Even though short, it evokes macabre thoughts. I wish you would have elaborated a bit. There are too many loose ends. First of all, who are the "they" in the second line.

Also, what is the relationship of the dead person with the person who sits on his( or her) blood?

Last two sentences are excellent. Ghastly and scary. Proves your talent.










*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*


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Review of Odyssey of Faith  
Review by Prof Moriarty
In affiliation with  
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is a small work pregnant with intense emotions. The romance and understanding between the couple came through like a breath of fresh air. The small suspense at the end about the condition was an intelligent twist which had me gripped right till the end. Thanks for this wonderful read.


*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*


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Review of The Sacred Order  
Review by Prof Moriarty
In affiliation with  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Excellent buildup, good descriptions and teasing suspense. Certainly wants me to read more.

Now, for certain specific feedback:

There are a couple of spelling mistakes right in the first paragraph - remeber, waas

Good description of the house in the 5th paragraph. There is one more spelling mistake though - teh. (this gets repeated somewhere else as well)

Lovely showing in this sentence - She was still pulling her long blond hair out of its low collar

Last sentence read odd - How can anyone shimmer out of sight?


*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*


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15
15
Review by Prof Moriarty
In affiliation with  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Extremely well written and am happy that I chanced about this short item. The woman's feelings are well portrayed. I liked the way she builds up the whole thing - the way she seduces him - dressing up, turning the shower, making the bed. Loved the end. I must admit that for a moment you had me tensed. Won't she, I kept on asking till the climax comes.

Thanks for a wonderful read. You do have talent.


*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*


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Review of Molly  
Review by Prof Moriarty
In affiliation with  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Your story has a lot of detailed descriptions. I have a thing for 'descriptions' no matter what they say about the passive voice. There is also a nice philosophy at the end. We frequently end up judging others without acknowledging our own imperfections.
I enjoyed the second para the most because you describe a pretty girl which is always a joyous thing to behold.
The problem in this story is that there are too many characters which makes it difficult to follow who says what. The message at the end also gets diluted a bit.


*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*


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17
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Review of My little boy  
Review by Prof Moriarty
In affiliation with  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Motherly affection is replete in this work. I like the way you describe the similarity between the mother and her boy's eyes.

Motherhood is a wonderful emotion. Your poem is a tribute to it. It certainly brought a smile to my eyes and also tears because one day the child will grow up and go away to his own world.

Thanks for evoking some sweet feelings.

*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*


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Review of Empty Window  
Review by Prof Moriarty
In affiliation with  
Rated: E | (4.5)
This is a scary and a haunting read. You really had me worried. I was half expecting that that figure would be some baleful ghost. The end took me completely by surprise.

Let me admit that this work read like my own biography. Life is hollow, and we all have ghosts hidden in us. Thanks for reminding.


*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*


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19
19
Review by Prof Moriarty
In affiliation with  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Reading this, it is easy to understand why your article enjoys a five star rating. There are so many things that I enjoyed reading in this piece, and so many new things I learnt. The best part for me was each holding halves of a whole.

I am not much into Domination stories, but this article surely had me hungry for more.

*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*


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20
20
Review by Prof Moriarty
In affiliation with  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)


Sexual indulgence in a public forum is considered by many to be a turn on. It works well for your chief protagonists as well. Though, one wonders how did they get the opportunity to indulge in the entire act without being discovered.

The erotic elements are titillating. The scene is bold and adventurous. A good read on the whole but could have been much better.

*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*


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Review of Loss Of A Dream  
Review by Prof Moriarty
In affiliation with  
Rated: E | (3.5)


I was touched by this autobiographical piece. You deserve much better.The frustration of not being able to live or own the dream house that you and your husband have worked so far made for some sad reading.

I was a bit puzzled by the abundance of punctuation and spelling errors in your work. Would request you to edit your piece.


*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*


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Review of My Seeds of Joy  
Review by Prof Moriarty
In affiliation with  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Your poem evokes warm thoughts of love and brotherhood. It is an Utopian world that you write of, something that we all cherish, but would certainly never see. Some of the hyperbole's that you use - ocean full of tears and skating on a blade as thin as ice - work effectively.

My favorite part is where you talk about creating a beautiful world together.

You should seriously make an effort to try and make your sentences rhyme. That would enhance the pleasure of the read manifold.

*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*


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23
Review by Prof Moriarty
In affiliation with  
Rated: E | (4.0)

You have written this poem with a lot of feeling. The various nuances of falling in love are brought out well. The reasons of the separation aren't revealed, but one can't but feel sad at the unfortunate occurrence. The simple confession at the end, bereft of all egos and ill will, leaves one with the hope that the two lovers might yet get reconciled.

A poignant and emotional read on the whole.

*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*


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Review of Corvinus  
Review by Prof Moriarty
In affiliation with  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)


You have a gift for erotica. The scene was described well and certainly was an arousing read. The background forms an interesting backdrop for your book. You should certainly try and complete this work. It promises to be a racy and pleasurable read.

A good beginning for your book, indeed!


*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*


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Review of More Than Lust  
Review by Prof Moriarty
In affiliation with  
Rated: E | (4.5)

You are certainly blessed with the gift of weaving a web of complex emotions with so few words. The emotions that your poem evokes are both powerful and passionate. I loved the way you describe the holding and comforting. True, there is no lust in your work, but there is a lot of romance and longing.


*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*


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