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OVERALL IMPRESSION -
I wasn't able to see the picture prompt, but it really wasn't necessary. After leaving the bookstore she was completely drawn to the store across the way, almost as if it were calling out to her.
WHAT I LIKED BEST -
I liked that a mother's love is eternal and never goes away. You showed that with the woman pushing the baby stroller through the mall, and fighting to the get the wheel unstuck from the doorway. When she goes into the store, you set the scene well with the smoke of incense, the clearing, and the nice aromas coming from the store.
PLOT~
A different take on crossing over to the other side. It was interesting and showed that when your number's up, it can happen anywhere. The mall is the last place I'd expect helpers to wait to carry out the task, but one really does never know.
CHARACTERS~
The woman whose time has come. She doesn't bother talking to her lover who is engrossed in books, so she decides to venture off on her own. Willy and Jordan who discuss how difficult it was for the woman to let go. Jordan is a bit confused, but Willy is there to help him understand better.
DIALOG~
Dialog worked well between Willy and his protege. Jordan still has questions and Willy's knowledge showed as he spoke about a mother's love, helping him understand more fully and how things will be when his mother crosses as he waits for her.
Rhythm/Rhyme
Good rhyme, rhythm, and flow throughout your poem. I appreciated the explanation of the quatrains at the bottom of the poem, helping those who wouldn't know what it is called to become familiarized with this style. The rhyme scheme was obvious and your word choices were great.
Imagery
You have a gift when it comes to not only painting a picture with vivid images but keeping a constant flow of the piece as well. You gave background information about the plague, and how it swept through Rome and what it did to everyone it touched. From funerals to caskets of blood, to the people trying to save the dying until the big reveal at the end, all of it pulled me right into the scene.
Impressions
This is a dark poem about death and solemn vows that cannot be broken. The rhyme scheme was incredible as the story unfolded about all everything that was happening in Rome during this deadly outbreak. Even knowing what the title of the poem was, I didn't see that ending coming. I was too caught up in all that was unfolding to remember that your title hinted at what was to come. Very haunting.
PLOT -
It seems unimaginable, but a within a few decades, big changes have happened. Decisions of man have dire consequences as one girl tries to imagine what the world must have been like when her grandparents were her age.
SETTING -
From beautiful flowers growing, and full trees of green, to the barren world now that has lost all of its beauty. The weather has changed drastically, those high temperatures even with an air conditioner are stifling.
CHARACTERS -
The girl who's heard her grandmother speak of what things used to be like when they were younger. Man had become too selfish and cut down all of the trees, tainted the rivers, no more forest or animals. What is left? Just us to carry on.
GRAMMAR/SPELLING/DIALOGUE -
No dialogue, no technical issues.
THOUGHTS -
This piece really makes you stop and think. I cannot even imagine my world without all of this green in it. The leaves and grass would turn to dust, leaving an unappealing view for certain. It's amazing the things we take for granted, even after being told what could happen if we don't start paying attention and make changes for the better instead of the worse. You do well with showing contrasts in your writing.
PLOT -
A lonely man recounts the tale of his life. Beautiful wife, smart and driven son, a good job, blessed in retirement, and then one little moment in time his entire world is turned upside down, and now just getting through one day is a trail.
SETTING -
It was easy to picture the digging of the sewer pipe, being lost in thought as he dug, and of course when he hit that wire and it exploded all over him. Yuk! And because of that, weather doesn't bother him, not the intense heat, or the bitter cold.
CHARACTERS -
The man who had everything and then lost it all, who waits for death to come and take him home, yet that day doesn't seem to want to come.
GRAMMAR/SPELLING/DIALOGUE -
An year after we got married,
an year ago,
THOUGHTS -
It is very true that one instant can change your entire life. You really showed that well with the big highs in his life, and the lows that came after losing his son. From one tragedy to the next, his life has taken one hit after another, and while losing everything he held dear, he is still around. He's the one the people look at now and use to scare their children. Sad tale, and imagine this could totally be true for someone out there. Good details with the history of his life and the things we take for granted every day.
PLOT -
A missing girl has everyone puzzled. Katie Viola gets ready to play and is having trouble with her strings, but manages to the take the stage.
SETTING -
The story starts with the mystery of a soon to be a pop star who disappeared. Kaite has been playing her viola on the street corners, parks, anywhere she can get a gig and get lost in her music.
CHARACTERS -
Katie has changed her name, and moved from doing the big star gig, to being a little unknown where she gets to bask in her craft!
GRAMMAR/SPELLING/DIALOGUE -
I liked that the announcer had so much confidence and knowledge about Katie as she introduced her. That really was a testament to how good Katie is.
THOUGHTS -
You did a good job working in your prompt words and made it easy for me to see what they were. Using italics at the beginning put emphasis on the missing girl, which still remains a mystery. You never say what happened that day, but you do go on to show that she's all right and has chosen a different path for herself. It's a good take on fame, and how not everyone is comfortable being famous. Keep writing flash fiction! The more you write, the more comfortable you will be doing it.
PLOT -
You never know where you'll be when you run into a potential person to date. Your character starts out in the soup kitchen when he sits with a woman wrapping cutlery and is soon joined by another.
SETTING -
My favorite part was him describing what his face must have looked like when she Patty asked for his phone number. Not very romantic, but truly funny. That made me laugh out loud. That one little word ~ constipation ~ really put a clear visual in my mind as to what his face must have looked like. You did a good job of making me care about him, root for him, and even feel bad for him knowing he had an ex-wife. There was enough detail about the soup kitchen to give me a sense of what his day was like working there.
THOUGHTS -
I really liked that you not only wrote about this incident but that you engaged your reader as well, speaking directly to me. That added another dynamic to the story as you knew what I was thinking in regards to what happened afterward. I also liked that you incorporated a David Letterman style top ten list. Each number seemed like a plausible explanation as to why she never called him. The added humor really made this piece stand out. Did you write a follow-up piece?
PLOT -
A plane crash has left two survivors on a deserted island.
SETTING -
Good descriptions of the crash through Nicole's sluggish memory. I could picture Nicole's leg and the scene around them, especially the fire.
CHARACTERS -
Nicole is injured from the crash, and doesn't remember what happened right away. Adam steps up and helps Nicole out of the wreckage and worries about her leg wound.
GRAMMAR/SPELLING/DIALOGUE -
Finally-comma- he reaches a decision,
just ask my ex wife ex-wife
~Both characters had some inner dialogue. You could put that in italics to make it stand out more.
THOUGHTS -
I liked that you showed this story from both of their point of views. It was really easy to identify with what Nicole was going through as she tried to make sense of what had happened to her. With Adam there, she had someone to lean on for emotional and physical support. Adam's worry about Nicole's injury was evident, but he still tried to take care of her. I feel there is a bond brewing between your two characters even before they are rescued. You use the ellipses in a few different areas in the story. I understand why you used them when one character was stammering with speaking. I'm not sure all are necessary. I did like what you did with the prompt.
PLOT -
Prince Comely is desperate to prove to his father and twin brother that he deserves the title of King one day and that he is more than just a pretty boy. As their allies turn to enemies, the King sends his oldest son on a mission to gain help from Magical Realm.
SETTING -
Great job with this! Good descriptions of the brothers and how different they are. The scene with Comely watching the woman fighting the pack of wolves was vivid and pulled me right into the action taking place.
CHARACTERS -
Prince Comely who is the opposite of his brother the warrior. Comely wants nothing more than to prove his worth, and being a diplomat isn't accomplishing that for him. The King seems proud of both sons, but knows with Comely being the oldest, he must do something to show he's worthy of the title and saving their Kingdom as the enemies ban together.
GRAMMAR/SPELLING/DIALOGUE -
famous for its rich lands lands
Take take great care in
trail leading beck~back? to the river.
Her hands held high the hem of her dress high
along the sad~sand and into the
At that instant he realized disown~his own peril.
Dialogue worked well in the conversation between the King and his son. I could feel the urgency from the King as he spoke to his son.
THOUGHTS -
I loved this story! I was immediately pulled into Comely's predicament, and rooting for him. He was brave enough to set out on this journey to get help for the Kingdom, and even though there is danger for him right now, he's still fighting. You left me hanging at the end with him jumping into the rapids as the wolves descended and I'm dying to know what happens next. There was enough backstory to pique my curiosity and keep me reading, and with the added action it really came together and had me on the edge of my seat by the end. Excellent job.
PLOT -
Ronan and the crew of the Stormlight have an encounter with Adrian of Nightmare on behalf of the Phantom. They know that Ronan holds an object that the Phantom wants returned and threatens to fight them all to get it back. Katelyn and Ronan share a moment.
SETTING -
There were good descriptions when Stormlight appeared out of the clouds, and of what Phantom and Adrian looked like. You set up a tense situation over the box, enough that Ronan felt they needed to leave the area asap.
CHARACTERS -
There are a lot of characters introduced in your first chapter. I wondered if a romance is brewing between Ronan, the captain, and Katelyn.
GRAMMAR/SPELLING/DIALOGUE -
Katelyn hollered to the baffled crew
Your dialogue felt natural between the characters. I would suggest that if you sending this in to book publishers that you make each section of dialogue it's own paragraph. Rather, when one person speaks it's separate from others speaking and separate from the narrative. It makes it easier to read to more appealing to the eyes.
THOUGHTS -
You have a lot going on in this first chapter. Ronan and Katelyn appear to the be the main focal point, as well as the Phantom and the box Ronan turned over to him. I wasn't exactly sure who Luther and Thomas were. That paragraph seemed out of place and needs a bit more explanation. I'm thinking this is going to be a rebellion and war between factions on the same ship. Maybe adding some additional thoughts by Ryder, Luther or Thomas would make that clear. It is an interesting story.
PLOT -
Alice is home from work and hops online to chat with her mystery man. The night moves quickly as they get caught up in conversation. She steps away to discard the remnants of her dinner and upon her return to the pc, she notices a message she missed early, which scares her enough to take matters into her own hands.
SETTING -
You pulled me right into the story. I liked how you differentiated between the action and what was happening on the pc screen with a different font. The story moved quickly with good descriptions of her apartment, cat and her feelings upon seeing the strange man lurking across from her apartment. Her smile after the shooting is creepy.
CHARACTERS -
Alice is a strong character, who got caught up in a bad situation. I felt so bad for her when the cops discussed her situation, and then again when I read the outcome of the story.
GRAMMAR/SPELLING/DIALOGUE -
The banter on the pc was fun and made me laugh. No other issues found. The surrounding conversation after the shooting shocked me.
THOUGHTS -
Really good short story. The mystery of Alice's attacker is still a complete mystery. I am left wondering what her fate will be, though totally understandable. One little type was all it took to set poor Alice in motion and the outcome itself was a sad one.
Rhythm/Rhyme
You used the rhyme scheme aa~bb throughout. You did a good job with the rhyming words you chose to tell the story and add depth to what was happening.
Imagery
You have a good handle on putting in just enough imagery to catch a glimpse of the scene, yet leave our imaginations to fill in the gaps. This is a sad poem as a conflict has happened and it will not have a resolution it seems. The silence mixing with the wrath in the fourth stanza is really eerie.
Impressions
Wondering about death is something we all seem to do on occasion. Those questions always linger as to what we leave behind, what happens when we cross over. This left little time to drag out the question as death came fast. I keep wondering who the He is in this poem. You are right about forgiveness being a rare thing these days. So many seem to hold onto grudges and never really move forward in life. That is a sad irony when forgiveness comes, yet it is too late. Like any good mystery, you left me thinking about this poem and with unanswered questions. I liked that main character was surprised by the last thoughts to cross his mind. Nicely done!
PLOT -
The constant crying from the neighbors house sends a boy next door to try and figure out what is going on inside. When his friend, Bugs' arrives, they investigate.
SETTING -
You had good descriptions of the cats crying out and the disarray of the house itself. You gave enough information from your main character to know that he has a good relationship with his elderly neighbor, Bidi. I liked the description of the clothes she constantly wore, and the differences between the inside and outside of her house.
CHARACTERS -
Your main character is the storyteller and I believe a teenager. He seems just as worried about what will happen if his mother comes home and hears the cats as he is about what may be going on next door.
GRAMMAR/SPELLING/DIALOGUE -
She’s actually pretty nice but she defiantly looks like a crazy cat lady ~~ I believe you mean definitely??
And I sure didn’t want to stick around to find out what she will do when she heard it.~~would
Out of the corner of my eye[comma] I saw the curtain move, and that~the cats were now gone.
she sometimes sits at her table
I waited to hear who ever to banging on the door, but no sounds came. --needs an edit. whoever is one word.
~~There are other grammar issues. You might want to try using Grammarly to find the mistakes. It's free online. www.grammarly.com
THOUGHTS -
Toward the end when the police are called, it is a bit confusing because there is dialogue that comes out of nowhere. It might read better if you showed the officers coming out of Bidi's house to tell them what they had found. The mystery is left unsolved and leaves the reader wondering what really is going on in that house, where Bidi disappeared to, as well as the new tenants that seem to come and go, no one staying there too long.
Rhyme/Rhythm/Flow:
Great free verse poem that captures a friendship through time.
Emotions/Imagery:
This poem is filled with imagery and emotions. The last stanza especially stood out for me. A shimmering mirage sums up all of the emotions built up over the years. The deafening silence that can be so unwelcomed. Passion contrasts to frustration, almost like a roller coaster with great highs and lows.
Impressions:
Relationships can be difficult, even at their best. This poem is bittersweet, and that was easy to feel. Disappointments, yet the fairytale remains. All of the things left unsaid that could either clear the air or make the silences remain forever, that no one dares speak of.
Really solid writing. Thank you for sharing.
Rhyme/Rhythm/Flow:
Good flow throughout your poem. It almost felt like a build up from the beginning, reaching out for the strong ending.
Emotions/Imagery:
Great word choices that brought images to mind. I especially liked the line: A purposeful pattern designed. I loved the reference to Earth's energy, which made this piece almost pulse on the page.
Impressions:
I do appreciate writings that give the authors take on infinity, how we evolve in this circle of life. You did a really good job with the prompt, bringing this song title to life.
Impression:
The Daily Flash Fiction Challenge is a WdC contest staple. Each day the new prompt comes out at 11pm in the evening. The challenge of the Daily Flash is to write a solid story using a maximum of 300 words, that must include at least 1 character, setting, a conflict, and resolution. The prizes are fair and this contest gets a lot of traffic. The paid is laid out well, and what's not to like about the use of Purple? Multiple judges run the contest. This is a fun contest and well worth entering.
Impression:
Paradise Cove is a monthy writing contest that accepts both romance and erotica stories. The rules are clearly defined and the contest has generous prizes for the winners, including merit badges, awardicons and gift points. The contest allows for up to a 5,000 word count limit, which gives the writers a lot of room to work their craft. Multiple judges help to keep the prompts fresh. The page is laid out creatively, and everything is clearly defined.
Impression
A group that accepts any case color and is heavily active in the WdC community. The group supports many contests and activities, including blogging. The Talent Pond seems like a great group for both newbies and those of us who have been on site for years. Membership is strong. The group home page is appealing and everything is well spelled out. With support for writers and informative newsletters, it's no wonder this group has over 200 members. The Talent Pond offers honest and constructive reviews as well, which is important to all of us seeking to strengthen our craft.
Plot:
The loss of a child makes it difficult for her mother to function as she isolates herself in her daughter's room.
Characters:
It was easy to feel the anguish of your main character as her world was turned upside down. Those scars will be long-term and you conveyed that well.
Use of Prompt: Included Word Count:
Grammar/Spelling/Repeats:
Each time she heard them the pain become-became more unbearable.
Overall Impression:
Great descriptions of the room as the mother sees it now, having studied every inch in great detail. You did a good job making me feel for this woman as her life is now forever changed. Solid story.
Plot:
Sachith is devastated by the loss of his love, Riya. He spends a day planning out the perfect birthday for her, and before the day ends, chaos erupts and robs him of the one person he wants most in life.
Characters:
Sachith replays Riya's last day with him as he sits by the water, getting soaked from the waves, but unable to care about the cold. His thoughts are constant with Riya and how they spend that last day together. The scar on his arm is a reminder.
Use of Prompt: Included Word Count:
Grammar/Spelling/Repeats:
where it was not a surprise not knowing who lived in the room next to yours.
~There are a few issues. Add punctuation to your dialog. Either a comma before the end quote when someone is speaking, or a period or question mark. Punctuation at the end of sentences should be immediately after the last word, no spaces necessary.
Overall Impression:
What a bittersweet story. I liked how you weaved in and out from then and now, almost as if Sachith continually relived that fateful day. It was easy to feel his heartbreak at the loss of Riya, as well as the happiness he felt that day when he surprised her. You did a good job setting the scene with vivid descriptions.
Rhyme/Rhythm/Flow:
There were stanza's that had natural flow and the rhyming worked really well. This unfolded like a story.
Emotions/Imagery:
I love merit badges, and as grown-up Girl Scout, it does take me back to those elementary school days. You did a good job describing the badges and taking me on that journey of excitement over merit badges and being a Quill nominee.
Impressions:
Nice touch adding the Scout badge with the poem. Please remember for future entries to include your line count so you are not disqualified. Since you were the only entry for Round 15, please accept these GPs as a thank you for consistently entering my contest!
Rhyme/Rhythm/Flow:
Nicely done with Diamante and bringing this flower to life.
Emotions/Imagery:
Great word choices to describe this flower and how it is an indication of Spring. I could picture the leaves opening.
Impressions:
Using the purple font, and the picture really brought this poem altogether. Reaches ~ stretches - these two words were powerful and showed the leaves reaching their full potential to bring the flower to life. Nice job.
Rhyme/Rhythm/Flow:
What a powerful Diamonte. Each word was chosen so carefully that really showcased what is happening in the United States.
Emotions/Imagery:
I cannot disagree with, unfortunately. You captured the way a lot of us are feeling now, compared to how we used to feel when we thought about this great nation of ours.
Impressions:
Not only did you write a kick a$$ poem, but the way you showcased America in the top of the poem and then again at the bottom really stood out and complimented all you had to say. I love it!
PLOT -
Helping family in need sometimes comes with its own disasters setbacks
THOUGHTS -
This was hilarious! You do such a great job painting the picture with humor and insights into how you are really feeling about the situation. There was so much going on in my mind as I read this short story, and certain words and phrases just screamed off the page making me smile or laugh. It was so easy to picture your son straddling the washing machine as he came to the rescue to turn off the water. Hell's gate, blue light, braggadocious hotel, etc, all invoked such great images of what was really going on. I loved this story, and it brings to mind how sometimes our good intentions come back to bite us as a gentle reminder and reality check. Thanks for sharing this story.
PLOT -
Some gifts come about in the most unexpected of ways. Not only did Hannah bring Marie into his life, but also, brought their daughter back to him.
THOUGHTS -
This piece gives you a lot to think about, and also touches on the mysteries of the universe. As painful as losing someone you love is, organ donation sometimes makes the situation worse for those left behind. You touched upon all of that, and make the reader ponder this situation, which is always a good thing. I liked that it had a happy ending, and that he discovered that Hannah's parting gift was the gift of life for him and his daughter. Contest entries don't always give you a huge window to get in as much information as we would like, but you managed to get the importance of this short story in there. Nicely done!
I love that you have such vivid memories of your childhood and these gatherings with family and friends. What a Wonderful World is a beautiful song, and I can see the appeal of it for you and your family. You have a loving tribute to your mom here, and the memories that will keep her close to your heart. There is nothing quite like those songs that stop us in our tracks and takes us back to certain events in our lives. Smile through the tears, because the one thing that never ends, is the love that was created. It lives on through you, and so does your mom.
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