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In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
PLOT -
Rebecca tries hard to reach her husband, but he doesn't answer. He walks through the house as if in a daze, going through the motions, but never speaks a word.


SETTING -
I could picture what was happening throughout the story. I did wonder how Rebecca truly felt at this point. Was she worried or frustrated? Or was it just her will to reach her husband that kept that pleasant demeanor pushing through? The opening scene with the mountains and sunrise was picture perfect.


CHARACTERS -
Ted is living in silence and Rebecca is determined to do whatever it takes to reach him again.His partner, Jim can't seem to pull him back either, but a little information seems to pique Ted's curiosity. It is easy to see how much Rebecca loves her husband by the tenderness she shows him.


THINGS TO THINK ABOUT -{c:grape
This one left me with questions. Why doesn't he speak? What exactly happened to Ted to make him shut down this way? I did like that there was a smile and tears at the end, which leads me to believe he's listening to all that's being said and just maybe hope is still alive that he won't shut down completely.


{center}~~~Please remember the comments and suggestions are my personal opinion. If you disagree with anything I've said, toss it out. Take the things that work for you! Happy writing!!~~~


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Review of My Angel  
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
PLOT -
Joanne recalls the horrible day her beloved left her. She doesn't sleep well, and cannot stop thinking about Christian.


SETTING -
You described the scene about the accident in great detail that I could picture it playing out. There were good elements in regards to the intruder being in the house, as well as when the Angel appears to lend a hand.


CHARACTERS -
I felt disconnected from Joanne. She is your main character, yet she is detached from the emotions of the situation she in. I wondered about the loss, the heartache it caused her, and then the terror of finding an intruder in her home. These emotions didn't come through for me.


GRAMMAR/SPELLING/DIALOGUE -
~When more police finally arrived on the scene I refused to be let go and had to literally be dragged from his still warm body.
~Although a smile lingered on my lips.~~this is a fragment


THINGS TO THINK ABOUT -
Loss is a very powerful emotion. It can be paralyzing, can grip your heart so tight sometimes it's impossible to breathe, to think, makes you lose focus. It can plague your mind and keep you from functioning at certain times. Just like the fear of confronting a stranger in your own home can make you tremble with fear, or freeze in place. I wanted to connect with Joanne, to feel what she was going through, to identify with all that was happening in the story you have created.

For instance: She realizes Christian is there, saving her. Think about the overwhelming emotions that would rob you of breath, the tears, the fight of your mind trying to his presence, being overjoyed to feel his touch after so long a time. Slowing down the scenes to incorporate the emotional aspects of the story you have would really add a layer of depth and capture your readers undivided attention.



~~~Please remember the comments and suggestions are my personal opinion. If you disagree with anything I've said, toss it out. Take the things that work for you! Happy writing!!~~~


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New Siggie by Mari.
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In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
PLOT -
Jackie finds an old photo and begins a search with the hep of her friend Rhonda to find the owner. Their discovery leads to a heartwarming story to reunite a family.


SETTING -
There wasn't a lot of descriptive elements in this one, but there was a lot of detail when it came to the background story of the picture itself.


CHARACTERS -
Jackie and Rhone are life long friends that love a good mystery. They both like finding things and searching for the answers. Finding the picture and going in search of the three children that were in it connects both women with a family and new friendships are formed.


GRAMMAR/SPELLING/DIALOGUE -
~Hurrying along Maxwell Street toward The Daily Star.~ this is a fragment, combine it with the following sentence to complete it.
~On closer inspection, she saw that it was a photo caught in the grate and walked over to gently pulled it loose.
~"Sorry Jackie, I have to take another call, but I'll get back to meyou on this."
~"No problem, I loved doing it, Rhonda,"
~It was quite a surprise and a shock to see this picture on the front page of The Daily Star!~~earlier in the story you mentioned it was published on page six.


THINGS TO THINK ABOUT -
There was a lot going on in this short story. It had me wondering about Jackie and Rhonda's reactions during the conversations. I was a little surprised how much information Alfred willing shared during a phone call. Perhaps having Rhonda ask a few questions during the phone conversation that prompted him to tell his story would make it feel rushed. This was a feel good story, of finding family again. Even though Susan never gets to connect with her birth mother, she does get to learn about her through her grandfather and aunt. The twins came off as sweet and smart for their age, an endearing quality.

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Review of Calypso  
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
PLOT -
An interesting tale weaved from Greek lore into the present time. Calypso is in need of rescue and only one man can help her, so she enters his dreams to reach him, which sets him onto a course of action.


SETTING -
There were some good descriptive elements, like Ajax reaching out to take Calypso's hand, but his went right through her spirit body. The scene with the receptionist at the job interview was well written, I could picture that easily.


CHARACTERS -
Ajax decides that his dreams are real and goes in search at the library to get the answers he seeks to help Calypso and Echo.


GRAMMAR/SPELLING/DIALOGUE -
What was it that she had said about Zeus and Hera’s wedding?

~The long sections of dialog need some descriptive elements thrown in along the way. Not just a moan, or a sigh, but your main characters actual thoughts as the conversation unfolds. Knowing what Ajax thinks and feels gives your reader a greater sense of who they are and what they want.

For example. I'm just going to add a few things to what you have to give you an idea of what I'm talking about.
Yours:
“Am I that hero?”

“Yes,” replied Calypso.

“Yes,” echoed Echo.

“Well, what must I do?” asked Ajax.

“Propose to me,” replied Calypso.

“Propose to me,” Echo said. Her face flushed red and she covered her lips.

“What? Now? I don’t have a ring,” Ajax was caught off guard.
Suggestions:
“Am I that hero?” His mind whirled as he asked the question, even knowing what her answer would be. Him? A hero?

“Yes,” replied Calypso with a half smile.

“Yes,” echoed Echo.

“Well, what must I do?” asked Ajax.

“Propose to me,” replied Calypso.

“Propose to me,” Echo said. Her face flushed red making her cover her lips quickly as if she could hide her reaction.

Ajax gasped, closed his eyes and then stared at Calypso. “What? Now? I don’t have a ring.” All of this was moving so fast, and he knew time was running out. What would happen if he could pull this off? Would the proposal be binding? Is that something he wanted. She was just as mysterious as she was beautiful, he could easily admit that. Being around her gave him a sense of purpose, a goal that he might be able to achieve.

~Knowing how your characters feel, what they think and want, goes a long way in letting your reader identify with them and gets us rooting for them.



THINGS TO THINK ABOUT -
~You use Ajax's name a lot, which interrupts the flow of the story at certain sections. Since he is the main character, you can swap his name out for 'he' instead.
~There are some very short sentences that could be combined.
~I wondered about the emotional connection of your character. What did he feel? Why did he want to help her? How did he feel about having to propose to a virtual stranger? What was it like to float above the ground? To transport? Did the first transportation scare or enthrall him?

~You have a solid plot, with key elements of your story already laid out. Adding the emotional elements and showcasing your main character will really heighten your story.

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New Siggie by Mari.
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Review of Nelson's World  
In affiliation with House of Sensual Prose  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
PLOT -

Now this was quite different, reading a story from an animals point of view. Clever. Nelson tells the tale of how the other cats and their owner/human, David interact with one another. The voice you used for Nelson was humorous at times, and also humanly.

SETTING -
Good use of descriptive elements, especially David coming home and trying to get into the house with his arms full of bags. Nelson seemed to know exactly what the contents could be and waited for his big moment to get the snacks. I also liked how the saw the other animals, and how there was that "I told you so" moment.


MY POV -
I did find this story interesting. I have never read anything quite like this before. It took me a little bit to figure out that Nelson was indeed a cat, which is never a bad thing. It kept my interest as I got further into the story and put the pieces together. The descriptions of David, how he interacted with the cats, and how he carried himself were well thought out. I could see it all from another point of view very clearly. David obviously loves his animals and likes them close, even if he may be annoyed by their quirks. Best part though was the last few lines and Nelson settles in from his strenuous day!!

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Review of The Jester  
In affiliation with House of Sensual Prose  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Rhythm

The Jester had good rhythm and flow throughout, nothing seemed to slow it down, or take away from where the story took the reader.

Suggestions

I'm not a poet,I dabble at best, but honestly I became caught up in the storytelling, trying to figure out who the audience was. Therefore, there is nothing negative about this piece.

Overall impression

I liked that you held out until the last few stanzas to elaborate on who the audience actually was. My thoughts as I read were that the jester may be entertaining prisoners on death row. Boy I was off! You painted not only a clear picture of the way things played out for the jester night after night, but there was powerful emotions behind the words as well. Your word choices flowed freely from line to line, and there was also some sharpness about them, gaining great impact as I read along. For someone who spends their nights putting smiles on others faces, there was a sadness to your jester, for he knew where he would still be, and where his audience would wind up. Nicely written piece of poetry. It had depth, emotion, and kept me hanging on from on stanza to the next seeking answers to the questions that came for me right away.
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Review of Brotherhood  
In affiliation with House of Sensual Prose  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
PLOT -
Venn is a magician who doesn't hold much love for his brother. His brother's accomplishments far outweighs his own, and that is a hard pill for Venn to swallow. He decides he will take upon the task of killing a dragon with a magic spell and help bring about summer.


SETTING -
You had some good elements in here about the weather, the biting cold of winter and how the wind whirled around turning everything into a white out. As the dragon laid down in the cave opening, you managed to paint that vividly and I could picture it in my mind.

CHARACTERS -
Venn wants nothing more than his brothers death, and to show everyone exactly what he is capable of. The bitterness he harbors for Deric never wanes, but intensifies as the story plays out.

GRAMMAR/SPELLING/DIALOGUE -

It seemed to not notice the horse or rider, and why it had not attacked him or the horse was startling~~missing 'that'...or that the hourse was startling.



MY POV -
I don't read a lot of fantasy, but you were able to capture my attention. I understood Venn's drive to finally be noticed for once in his life, to want to do something that no one thought he was capable of doing in the first place. What surprised me was that although he got what he sought, there was no elation for him. The piece was a little dark, and if that is what you were going for, then you hit that right on the head. Sometimes victory has no rewards.

** Image ID #1920917 Unavailable **
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In affiliation with House of Sensual Prose  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Following the Prompt:
You stayed true to the prompt and kept it clean and sensual.

Sensual Elements:
The wrap up with both Lynne and James on the couch was very sweet. The vows exchanged had me remembering other stories you've written with this couple. The sex scene itself was nicely done, nothing was over the top, and you stayed in character to the end.

Descriptive Elements:
You did well describing things that were going on with each of your characters while they were separated, and turned up the heat once they were together.

Characterizations:
Lynne's insecurities were easily felt. Tossing in Paul to give her an idea of what James was dealing with was a nice touch, but it didn't tame the doubts she still carried with her. James is a stand up guy.

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In affiliation with House of Sensual Prose  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Characters:
Mary~ her excitement was great as she got ready to leave. She didn't seem nervous at all surrounded by Tony's family. Her demeanor quickly changes in the presence of her father. It's a nice shift that leads to questions. I am looking forward to seeing how she goes about this forbidden relationship.

Setting:
Nicely done. From Mary preparing for her date, her father trying to interrogate her before she left the house, to Tony's. The laughter, the smells from the kitchen, the lighting, all of it added to the scene and made it easy to stay with.

Sensual Elements:
She definitely has it bad for Tony. I loved how she stood watching him work in the kitchen. I could see that scene play out right in front of me. The kiss was just getting started as they were interrupted. I will have to wait until next week for that to pick up.

Overall Impression:
Great job with this couple. The scene was well written, you added the questions, the depth of emotion, how the world looks that Mary sees. Though I did wonder what her impressions of his house were, other than it being different and filled with laughter.

Suggestions:

It looks awful, she thought. And I really wanted to look nice tonight. ~dialog tag not necessary if you use italics. If you choose not to italicize internal dialog then use the 'she thought'

A silence fell between them, both lost in their own private thoughts. Tony’s eyes traveled over her blond curls, then moved down over the white summer dress that revealed the smooth, pale skin of her shoulders. His gaze stopped at her white half-heel shoes and returned to her eyes. Tony blinked and said, “Come on in.” He reached out and took her hand, leading her into the house. ~~this reads more like Tony's POV. If it is in fact Mary's, maybe put in a line of how his eyes drinking her in made her breath catch, or sent a shiver down her spine, etc.




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In affiliation with House of Sensual Prose  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Characters:
Tony, about to graduate comes from a loving background and seems confident until he tries talking to Mary. I loved his nervousness, which shows his age and inexperience, especially with someone he likes. Mary stands out, but not by being overly done up by any means. She isn't shy about telling Tony she hoped he would finally ask her out. She is cautious about bringing him to her home.


Setting:
Great job here. Tony was well done, his feelings, his actions, that nervousness shining through as he got the courage to ask Mary out. His impression of Mary were great, how he saw her, that she intrigued him because she was different.

Sensual Elements:
It was easy to see Tony's attraction, his body language as he got near her and spoke to Mary.

Overall Impression:
Part one had good character descriptions for both characters. I liked your honesty with part two and your thoughts about both erotica and romance. Though I will say that I try to write good erotica that isn't based solely on the sexual encounter and I truly believe it can be done, lol. Part three was well written. There was enough information and interaction to gain a sense of Tony and Mary.

Suggestions:
Nothing to suggest. Can't wait until the next assignment comes in. I like that you chose younger characters to explore. First love can be such a beautiful thing!

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Review of The Exchange  
In affiliation with House of Sensual Prose  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Plot:
Malikia is summoned to Dominic, though she goes as if in a trance. Upon entering his place, a ritual begins that is both powerful and sexual in nature, almost a joining of sorts.

Characters:
Malikia is young, just 18. She seems innocent, but yet willing to follow through with the ritual that will change her. Dominic, her master, is older, formidable, and yet intrigued by the mistress.

Grammar/Spelling/Repeats:

Like his surroundings, Dominic is appears massive and imposing.

Where there had been a young giirl’s}b}girl's{/b} wants was now a full grown woman’s desire.

She takes his manhood and gently massages it until his breaths comers}b}comes{/b} in gasps.

*there were a few places where her name was spelled differently, and the use of the word 'breast' I believe could have used an 's' on two occasions.

Overall Impression/Rating: 4.0
I liked the darkness that seemed to surround this. The exchange of energy ritual was done well. Great description which made it easy to follow. Just a few minor spelling errors. It was both erotic and sensual. My major suggestion would be to add a space between paragraphs to make it easier to read.


The letter "T"
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In affiliation with Unofficial Erotica Newsletter ...  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Thank you for entering Tales of Seduction.

Plot: Ned spends years in love with Lady Rose. He covets her from afar, and then he gets an unexpected invitation. Finding himself at her quarters while she's bathing is enough to make him want her more than ever. The next day they set out for a ride and find themselves alone. Ned soon discovers that his Lady Love had set this all in motion, with the intention of being intimate with him.

Characters: Lady Rose has heard from her servant about Ned and is intrigued by the stable boy. She sets out to become a woman, with a man she knows can fulfill that wish. Ned is in love, hides his feelings always hoping that one day Lady Rose will see him. When opportunity strikes, he cannot say no.

Seduction: Rose had him from the get go.

Rating/Impression: 4.5 Nice job with this prompt. It worked very well for you. The scenario you choose worked well with the paragraph prompt given.

Since you were the only entrant for this round, I'm giving you 5,000 GPs in appreciation for a well written story.





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In affiliation with Sensual Infusion  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Thank you for entering Tales of Seduction.

Plot: A husband and wife pretend to be strangers in a restaurant. The premise was fine, trying something new to rekindle the relationship, never a bad thing in my opinion. The dialog fell a little flat. Setting was in and out, but not enough to give the reader a clear view of the surroundings or the woman David was chasing after. To boldly approach a stranger and keep that conversation going, the attraction needs to be at the forefront.

Characters: David ~ says he couldn't help himself and had to approach Janet. I get that he saw something in her, also that this was their game, but the spark is missing here, the excitement of the situation. Janet ~ seemed a bit put off, and even when she lightened up, the chemistry was off.

Seduction: The premise of the seduction was there, but missed the mark.

Rating/Impression: 4.0 ~ I know where you wanted to go with this, so I'm giving you a 4. I think what's missing is being in David's head as he pursues Janet. What is he feeling? Why does he feel so strongly about it? What does he hope for? During the long dialog, or awkward silence, knowing what he's feeling, his determination, why he's attracted to Janet, etc would make him come to life and off the pages.





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Review of S6/A2  
In affiliation with Unofficial Erotica Newsletter ...  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Erotic Elements: The anticipation of the kiss was done well. Being in Katie's head while she thought about her wanting it to happen, and the extra care she took with getting ready put the reader in her mindset.

Suggestions:

Yours: His warm strong hands reached up and cupped her face so gently. His long fingers tracing the soft contours of her face, as he looked deeply into her eyes.

Amped Up: His warm, strong hands cupped her face with a gentleness she'd never known before one long finger began tracing the the contours of her face. Her heart pounded, picking up the pace as their eyes met and locked, the hunger growing between them.

Other Issues: Watch the repeats and try to come up with other words to describe what's going on. There were some sentences that could be combined to keep the flow in the action going.

Overall: There were some POV shifting issues, but the kiss was a hot. Nice job.



This would be my name.

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Review of Tanya's Scent  
In affiliation with Sensual Infusion  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Section 1: You did a good job with describing your reasons for choosing Paradise Cove's prompt. You also gave good feedback about the other three contests mention. I am sorry that one was closed and you weren't able to access it.

Section 2: In choosing the kiss you started a story with two characters who were established. I have no idea where the characters are. From the first few sentences, I thought maybe they were working out. Reading further I realized they were discussing written material that brings them close enough to kiss.

Other Issues: The use of the word 'felt' takes the reader out of the action. I'd suggest when the urge strikes to use that word, to stop, picture the scene in your mind, describe what the feelings are. Soft lips, wet or hot mouth, butterflies taking flight in the stomach as the kiss deepens. These are all tools you can use in place of the word 'felt'.

Overall: A good start. My advice would be to slow down, dig a little deeper as the main characters come together and share this first kiss. Visualizing the scene before you, imagining as if it is happening to you will be helpful in nailing down the sensations and expressing them in your work.



This would be my name.

Image #1647918 over display limit. -?-
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In affiliation with Unofficial Erotica Newsletter ...  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Title/Author: The Precocious Princess

Overview: Beatrice discusses marriage with the Queen, who doesn't like her take on love, or what Beatrice is looking for. She takes off in search of love, and to escape the live of a princess. On a bus, she meets Tommy. They spend the day together, and learn about sex in the evening.

Grammar:

The dialog section didn't have any description to spice it up. It just kind of sat there, needing something. The ellipsis was over done. It makes the sentences choppy because for the most part, the dramatic pauses aren't needed. There were sections where tidbits of info were thrown in.

"I must be getting back, before the last bus….“ That was when she twisted her ankle… ~~ this could have been changed, showing Beatrice stumble and cry out, falling into Tommy's awaiting arms for support. It would let the reader connect more with your characters.



Personal Opinion: I don't think the dialog during the sex scene was needed. It came off a little childish, not that the characters ages were evident. The premise of the story I did like. Good luck in the HSP Final Exam. *Smile*



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Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Title of Book: Daughter of Freedom


Chapter #: Chapter 1


Author: redvej


Setting: Good descriptions of the fields, planting, the young soldier about to get his hand whacked with a mallet. Good descriptions as well inside the house where Elizabeth lives.


Characters: Elizabeth~ renting rooms in her home, farming, and doing whatever she can to keep the farm running after her husband's death. She is determined to make things work, but her father's interference seems to irritate her.

George, her son, looking to take up the family farm when he gets older.

Jacob Bergen, father to Elizabeth. Is upset over both of his daughters decisions, though he sympathizes with Elizabeth.


Referencing: New York, 1778, Revolutionary War time.


Plot: Hard working Elizabeth does all she can to make the farm prosper so she can carry out her husbands last wish. She seems to be somewhat happy, with a good sense of humor. She's also helpful to others, no matter who they are. Her father's interference seems to border on trouble for her, as he makes a few decisions for her.


Grammar: see line edits below


General: Chapter one moved well. I liked the humor in the scene with the gun and here suggesting the mallet to ensure the young soldier has better aim in the future. Seems Elizabeth's frustrations will come from her hard-headed father. Nicely done.

Line Edits:

The tall boy of fourteen and a half ran to his mother’s side.

The purpose of the mallet itis to hit the peg, not my hand, you buffoon!”

Lieutenant, much less stands by and allow the Colonel to

“I will tell Mrs. Burgen to make she is prepared.~~missing word(s)

"Papa," Elizabeth exclaimed as stood on tiptoe and placed a kiss on his whiskered cheek ~~how about....standing on tiptoe, placing a kiss on his whiskered cheek.

His angry glare did not flinch, though he stepped aside to allow her to pass. “I’ll have a moment with my daughter alone, sir,” he muttered at Colonel Thomas and promptly shut the door in the man’s face. ~~should be its own paragraph since her father is talking.

“I would speak to you…now!” ~~would like to speak?

Her sister Mary would laugh at the idea that their father thought she was stubborn.



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Review of Laramie Swanson  
In affiliation with Unofficial Erotica Newsletter ...  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Title/Author: Laramie Swanson by trebor

Overview: Jody is in the barn when his high school crush shows up. Hiding out in the loft, he watches as his uncle and Laramie have sex.

Grammar: Nothing to point out.

Personal Opinion: I hate to say it, but I believe you missed the mark with the prompt. Jody lives there, Jeff is the uncle, and Laramie is bringing/picking up a horse. Who is the farmhand? It isn't clearly stated and that was required in the prompt.



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In affiliation with Unofficial Erotica Newsletter ...  
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
Title/Author: In the Heat of this night by Ladyluck

Overview: A woman prepares for the seduction of her man, wanting to show him how much he means to her.

Grammar: There are issues with run-on sentences, word selection. You also jump from present to past tense.

Personal Opinion: I find the biggest problem is that the scene is rushed and jumpy. I know where you are going, what you want to say, but it doesn't come across that way. Repeats always slow a piece down. Word choices are key in any writing, especially for erotica.

Half way through the song, with my hair now loose and flowing and the clear white stilettos I was wearing were laying together at the foot of the bed, I stepped up towards the high bed and put one leg up on the blanket and painstakingly slowly I raised myself up from the floor to stand before you on the bed. ~ this sentence I had to read several times.

Here's what I would suggest: Halfway through the driving song my hair is now loose and flowing from its binding. Kicking off my clear, princess white stilettos at the foot of the bed, I step forward, my movements slow and steady, a contrast to my rapid heartbeat. Raising my leg off the cool floor, I place one foot on the red blanket, as my other leg follows to stand before you on the firm mattress.

By slowing down, taking in all the elements of the scene, your reader is able to follow your characters every move as if they are watching a movie. Reading your work aloud can make a huge difference as well. If something doesn't sound right to your ear, it won't to the reader either.

Your female character has a lot of depth. She worked hard to set her plan in motion, to show him just exactly what it is she feels for him, how he makes her bold and brazen. That is something special.

Keep in mind this is only a suggestion.

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Review of Last Breath  
In affiliation with Rainbow Madness ~ Reviews and...  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Gifted review from Morgan Adam Internet Problems!

Review #5

Plot ~ A true tale of a love, loss and forgiveness. Through it all, it seems you've come out on top, that you've learned some hard lessons, but didn't let it control your future. I'm sure you struggled, as we all do with the way things play out in our lives, but you managed to put it into perspective. Not an easy thing to do. Forgiveness is even harder in my opinion. Thank you for sharing this, and reminding me circumstances cannot always be controlled. That forgiveness is truly necessary if we are to go on living our lives.

Technical~ Nothing to point out.

Purple butterfly


~My thanks to Morgan for linking me to your port. I've enjoyed getting to read your work~~ Ame
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Review of Kissy Monster  
In affiliation with Rainbow Madness ~ Reviews and...  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Gifted review from Morgan Adam Internet Problems!

Review #4

Plot Cute tale of mother and son. Brings back a lot of memories as my boys are grown up now. The worry of what could go wrong, and knowing that the people around totally get it, see through what might have been a distraction, that is the beauty of life.


Technical I couldn't find any errors. I am really enjoying getting the chance to read through your port. Write on!

Purple butterfly
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Review of Busted  
In affiliation with Rainbow Madness ~ Reviews and...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Gifted reviews from Morgan Adam Internet Problems!

Review #2

Plot Mitch calls his pregnant wife in the middle of night to come rescue him from the police station. He's ticked at being pulled over, ticketed, towed, cuffed and arrested.

Characters Wife was very funny. Loved the way she tried to steer the conversation, knowing if she'd just renewed her plates, Mitch wouldn't have wound up at the police station. His anger was great, jumping from the female officer to his wife, only to quickly return back to his predicament and the over bearing officer.

Technical Nothing to point out. Solid short story. Very realistic.

Purple butterfly
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Review of Unexpected Gift  
In affiliation with Unofficial Erotica Newsletter ...  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Thank you for being the highest bidder.

Review #5

Plot Mel and Eric have been friends forever and have managed to keep it that way for years, even living far apart. Seeing each other again while spending time with Mel's family over the holidays is a reminder of the loneliness they each have in their lives.

Characters Mel realizes watching Eric with her niece that she has feelings for him that go beyond friendship. It is the same for Eric and she watches Mel. Mel becomes nervous, while Eric wants to test the waters.

Technical Nothing I could find. A beautiful story of a blossoming romance. Very well done.

Purple butterfly

~~Thank you again for bidding on my review package. I have enjoyed reading your work. ~Ame
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Review of Tears from Heaven  
In affiliation with Unofficial Erotica Newsletter ...  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Thank you for being the highest bidder. I am honored to read your port.

Review #1

Plot Gillian is upset over a fight she has with her boyfriend. Stuck by an accident as she heads home, she gets a terrible feeling. Finding out it was a motorcycle rider that went off the road up ahead, send the fight replaying through he mind. Unable to sit and wait, she heads off in search of answers.

Characters Gillian~great job with the emotional aspect as she goes in search of answers. It was easy to see the scene as Gillian winds her way through the road, past the guard rail, in the rain, through mud to her ultimate destination.

Technical Nothing to point out. A well written short story.

Purple butterfly
225
225
Review of The Review Game  
In affiliation with Rainbow Madness ~ Reviews and...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
On behalf of morgandam winning bid, you have been awarded 5 reviews!

Review #1

Plot Cute of tale of a married couple finding something in common. Having the wife want something, and then having it backfire was great. Nice twist at the end.

Characters The wife tries to rekindle something she thought would make her closer to her husband. Wanting that little touch of days gone by. Getting her wish for her husband to write gets her to rethink her original plan.

Technical Nothing grammatical I can find. Would have liked to see more of your characters. Have a visual other than a facial expression.

Purple butterfly
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