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Printed from http://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/pyper
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240 Public Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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1
1
Review of Impact  
In affiliation with 1-800 Review's Review Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Wolfie von Wolfenstein III ,

*Bird**Bird* Disclaimer *Bird**Bird*

*Bullet* Please remember that theses are only my suggestions! You may either take them or leave them as you see fit! After all, it is your story! I am not a professional writer by any means, but I know a good story when I see one. I am truly honored that you have taken the courage to allow others such as myself to read you work. *Smile*.

Title: (Impact} This title fit perfectly with the story! I was wondering how it would be incorporated into it, and I was not disappointed!

What I Liked: *Thumbsup* This was a sad story but you did well with it! I loved the characterization in this piece!

What I Disliked: *Thumbsdown* Nothing in particular, but it did almost make me cry!

Grammatical Errors: None that I noticed!

Questions or concerns: So I was wondering, dis the lady have cancer? It's not a necessity that this question is answered in the story. I am just merely curious.

Overall Impression: This was a well written piece! You put a lot of tension into this short story. I thoroughly enjoyed reading it, and almost cried even. The ending was not what I expected. So you did well with surprising me. You are a very talented writer!

Always,
Pyper
2
2
Review of Aqua at play  
In affiliation with 1-800 Review's Review Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
sevrinr,

*Bird**Bird* Disclaimer *Bird**Bird*


*Bullet* This review is being done for for the "Invalid Item . I am the main judge for this contest. Please remember that any suggestion I make are just that- suggestions! After all, it is your piece. I am not a professional writer or editor, but I do my best to review with qualifying reviews!

[b}Title: (Aqua At Play) This title captivated my attention! I love that name Aqua!

What I Liked: *Thumbsup* I loved how little Aqua had her own personality and wanted to explore new surroundings. *Smile*

What I Disliked: I didn't find anything I particularly disliked!

Grammatical Errors: In the second paragraph you need to capitalize Blue.

Questions or Concerns:None.

Overall Impression: This was a good read! I loved Aqua and how protective her mother was over her daughter. The only thing I really had a problem with this piece was the fact that instead of showing us the story you told. It is hard for me to explain in further detail, as I am still learning about the subject myself. Other than that, this was a sweet story. I was very honored that you entered it into the contest. Good luck! The results will be in either later tonight or tomorrow sometime. Thank you for your patience!

Always,
Pyper
3
3
Review of Whisper Of A Name  
In affiliation with The Coffee Shop for the Fantas...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
C. T. Hill

*Bird**Bird* Disclaimer *Bird**Bird*


*Bullet* Please remember that any suggestion that I make are just that- suggestions. I am not a professional writer, but I do write and no a good story when I read one. You may either take or leave my suggestions as you see fit. After all, it is your story! I am truly honored that you have allowed readers such as myself to read your work!

Title: (Whisper Of A Name) You may want to go back and capitalize 'of' and 'a'. Other than that, the title caught my attention, and I was not disappointed with the reading content. Nicely done!

[c:grape}What I Liked: *Thumbsup* I absolutely enjoyed reading this story. The beginning, middle, and end fit together well. I also loved how you worked a biblical theme into the piece, but made it your own as well!

What I Disliked:{/b *Thumbsdown* I couldn't find anything that I disliked!

Grammatical Errors: None that I noticed!

Questions or Concerns: Was the Cain and Abel biblical story weaved into this? That's what I thought of, after I read this piece.

Overall Impression: Overall, I was highly impressed with this piece! I really didn't notice anything that caught my attention error wise. Other than the fact that the word lost was repetitive. I an really glad that I came across this piece! Have you considered getting it published somewhere?

Always,
Pyper

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4
In affiliation with Reviewing Reviewers ~ ON HIATUS  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Fyn ,

*Bird**Bird*Disclaimer *Bird**Bird*


*Bullet* Please remember that any suggestions I may make are just that- suggestions! You can either take them or leave them as you see fit. After all, it is your piece! *Smile* I am only here to help you grow as a writer. In the process, not only am I helping you, but by reviewing your piece, it helps me grow as a writer to. I hope you find this review helpful and encouraging!

Title: The Unfinished Journal This title really caught my attention from the get go. I was not disappointed. It fits well with the story and draws the reader into it. Nicely done!

What I liked: I really enjoyed this piece. It has been a long while since I have read a longer piece. I liked how you were able to captivate me by using the journal as a "character of its own" so to speak.

What I disliked: This doesn't dock off any points from the rating system, just a preference of mine. The woman called Lady Alice gave me spine tingling chills, which is a good thing.

Grammatical Errors: Noticed a few things. Other than that, your grammar was/is great!

*Bullet*Paragraph 9, line 3:Old two and three story buildings were crammed together[,] like crooked, hunched over men braving the cold.

*Bullet*Paragraph 10, line 4: I dumped my stuff in my room[, and t] [T]hen[,] [I] called home to let my husband know how far I’d made it and what my plans were for the next couple of days.

*Bullet*Paragraph 12, lines 1 and 2: The next store was one with handcrafted candles, wizards, castles, and dragons. (space needed)Leaning against a six[-]foot tall[,} carved[,] wooden gnome I found a gnarled willow wood walking stick that I simply had to have...

*Bullet*Paragraph 12, line 4: Being at over 7000 feet above sea level, it just didn’t seem as if there was quite enough air to breathe[, and i] [I]t felt good to just sit and absorb the quirky atmosphere of the village.

*Bullet*Paragraph 13, line 5:I watched her as she disappeared into her store[,] [with] her long floral skirt brushing the cobblestones as she walked, the tinkling sounds of her jewelry surrounding her in music.

*Bullet*Paragraph 14, line 6: It had that delicious feel about it[;] as if something magical was about to happen.

*Bullet*Paragraph 15, line 2: Long[, long] (The repeated word of long seems repetitive to me) tawny hair was looped and twisted and tied with colorful beads.

*Bullet*Paragraph 20, line 2: Ancient trunks[,] [with] lids open[,] spilled forth sheet music and jewelry, a stuffed tree frog and stained glass sun catchers.

Questions or Concerns: Not truly important, but why didn't the husband go with Sarah?

Characterization: This was a well written story with thought out characters who all had important roles to the plot. Though the husband is not seen and only mentioned, he too played an important part. For me, I felt as if the journal was character driven. Awesome!

Plot: As I read, I couldn't hep but read more to discover what the ending had in store for Sarah and this mysterious journal. Your plot, as far as I could tell, was well thought out. I didn't notice any key points of the story missing. Although, I did and do wonder about Lady Alice. i would love to see more of her.

Where I found this piece: I found this in the Short Stories News Letter entitled for this month: Character's Components.

[u}Overall Impression: I'm really not into reading horror/scary stories, but this was a really good one! I enjoyed reading it. You had me hooked from beginning to end! Nicely done. I loved how you named the cat Archimedes! You have got some talent for sure!

Always,
Pyper


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Review of WDC Mom  
In affiliation with Reviewing Reviewers ~ ON HIATUS  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Ida_Matilda_Wright Help ,

*Bullet* Please remember that any suggestions I make are just that- suggestions! I'm only here to not only make your writing better, but to help mine as well through critiquing. You may use or take my suggestions as you would like. After all, It is your writing! *Smile*

}What I liked: I really loved this poem. I could feel the tenderness in it.

What I disliked: I can truly say that I absolutely loved this piece!

Grammatical Errors: None that I could see.

Questions, Concerns: None

[b}{c}Overall Impression: I was really impressed with this piece! I never thought the internet as being our daddy and WDC like our mother. But I would have to agree very much about your choice of words. This really touched my heart, and I am so blessed to have come across this piece. You have got some talent, if I may be bold enough to say. Thank you so much for sharing this piece!

Always,
Pyper

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In affiliation with Reviewing Reviewers ~ ON HIATUS  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Riot ,

*Bullet* Please remember that any suggestions I make are just that- suggestions I am only here to not only help and encourage you as a writer, but I'm also here to make my writing better through reviewing and reading!

What I Liked *Thumbsup* This was a sad piece, but you did well with capturing that emotion of losing a child!

What I Disliked: *Thumbsdown* Though this is a part of life, loosing someone always makes me sad.

Grammtical errors: None that I could see!

Questions, Concerns: I was wondering if you experienced this or just wrote about it. Either way it's very good, but very sad. I know what it's like to loose a child. I lost mine at 5 months two years ago. If you need anyone to talk to about this or need a friend, just email me. *Smile*

Overall Impression: Though this poem was sad, I found it amazing! The word language you used for this piece was very colorful. I am glad that you decided to share this piece with us, and I am honored that I found it. You definitely have some talent!

Always,
Pyper

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7
In affiliation with Reviewing Reviewers ~ ON HIATUS  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Kaeru Miyano ,

*Bullet* Please remember that any suggestions I make are just that- suggestions! You may either take them or leave as you wish. I am merely here to help to not only improve your writing, but my own as well. *Smile*

What I liked: Though this piece was short it has a lot of depth and insight!

What I disliked: Nothing in particular. This was a good piece!

Grammatical Errors: There was a slight error that I noticed:

THE ONE WANTED TO (disappear) [DESAPPEAR]

Questions, Concerns: This is only my opinion, but the capital letters are way too distracting for me as well as the red. I understand that you were trying to make an impression to the reader, but I feel that IT COULD BE TONED DOWN A BIT.

Overall Impression: This was a very good piece and was inspirational. Although, it was slightly confusing for me. Could you perhaps flesh it out a bit? You definitely have some talent! I will try to skim through your port one of these day when I have more time on my hands!

Always,
Pyper

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Review of Wonder  
In affiliation with Reviewing Reviewers ~ ON HIATUS  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Jezri

What I Liked: This was a lovely poem! I could feel the love and tenderness you have for your child!

What I Disliked: I loved everything about this piece!

Grammatical Errors: None that I could detect!

Questions, Concerns: This is just my curiosity speaking, but is this an older or newer piece?

Overall Impression: This is such a wonderful piece, and I'm glad that I came across it. *Smile* Congrats on the new baby! I love the the picture that you put with this piece. It makes it seem more alive! Nicely done!

Always,
Pyper

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Review of Tewilliger  
In affiliation with Reviewing Reviewers ~ ON HIATUS  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
JoDe ,

What I liked: This was a cute flash fiction piece about a high-maintenance fish. It made me smile!

What I didn't like: The fact that the fish was spoiled, but his personality is what makes the story what it is!

Grammatical errors: None that I could see!

Questions, concerns: None!

Overall Impression: This was a very well done piece! I thoroughly enjoyed reading it. To me at first, it had a light tone, but after I finished reading it I could tell that though the tone was light in itself the fish was very serious about his requests. It almost reminded me of that purple fish off of Finding Nemo. Again, I really enjoyed this piece and glad that I came across it.

Always,
Pyper

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10
10
Review of Ambition  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Jeff ,

What I liked: This was an enjoyable read! I loved the mystery of this piece and the deep longing the character was feeling toward her dream.

What I didn't Like I liked the piece as a whole and had no problems with it. It just made me sad that the character chose such a hard job. I wonder what made her do this.

Grammatical errors: None that I could see.

Questions: I realize that this piece was short. Perhaps for a contest? But I had a few questions. What was the character's name? What did she look like? What made her choose the job she did? These questions don't necessarily have to be answered. It's just my curiosity!

Overall Impressions: Though this pis piece was short, I realize that it is either a flash fiction piece or was written for a contest with a word limit. As I said before, I really liked this piece. You had me hooked from the beginning to the end! And you made me wonder about the character and her predicament. This has the potential to be a longer piece! Perhaps you could write more? You definitely have talent! Thank you for sharing!

Always
Pyper

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11
11
Rated: E | (5.0)
Kenzie ,

What I like: This was awesome and truly inspiring! I loved how you plugged God into this piece. When making any commitment looking to Him for guidance and support is important!

{/b|What I dislike: Honestly, I loved this piece and am glad I came across it. I didn't find anything I didn't like.

Grammatical errors: None that I saw!

Overall Impressions: Thank you so much for writing this! It was truly inspiring and refreshing. I never thought to make a commitment before. I always made resolutions. No wonder I never completed them. And it truly helps to have God as your guide. This year when making my commitments, I will lean on God and make them reasonable. Thank you again for sharing!

Always,
Pyper
12
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Review of Roses in Heaven  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Winnie Kay ,

What I Like: This was a very sweet poem. You did well with portraying the emotions of longing and heartache. I liked a lot about this piece! *Smile*

What I Didn't Like: The fact that it was sad, but that's a fact of life. When loosing a loved one it is very sad.

Grammatical errors: None that I could see..

Overall Impressions: This was a beautiful piece filled with strong emotions. It had great rhythm and rhyme, but I'm not an expert at technical terms for poetry. You did a great job with incorporating your faith in the overall message. I especially love the title! It captured my attention!

Always,
Lady Pyper
13
13
Review of Diet Confessions  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
LJPC - the tortoise

What I Liked: This was a really great piece to read! I loved how you managed to portray how dangerous dieting can be, and I absolutely loved the ending. *Smile*

What I Disliked: Honestly... I liked everything about this piece!

Suggestions: I think it worked perfectly with how you wrote it. I wished it could have been longer. However, I do understand the word limitations. Either way it is fine the way it is.

Grammar and Spelling: None that I noticed!

Overall Impressions: This was a great flash fiction with all the right tensions and conflict involved in such a short piece. You did remarkably well in a short amount of writing space. I loved the surprised ending as well as how added your own little punchline in the end. This was really, really good and I am so glad that I came across it!!

Always,
Pyper
14
14
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Harry ,

Hello there!

What I Liked: Wow, though this was a sad piece, I really, really enjoyed it. The emotions potrayed were authentic and made my heart ache for the mother.

What I Disliked: The only thing that I disliked was how the daughter stood her mother up, but sometimes that's how things happens. It's apart of life.

Suggestions For Improvement: I liked it the way it is. Very real and filled with emotion.

Overall Impression: Again I must say wow. Though the poem had a sad ending, I could see and feel the mother's hopes in the beginning and feel her disappointment at the end. I could also sense the father's anger. Thank you so much for writing this with authencity. It's been a while since I've come across a poem this good. Nice job and keep it up!!

With Love,
Lady Pyper
15
15
Review of Wonder  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Tadpole1 ,

Wow! I am so glad I came across this. It was beautifully written, and the chosen word for the acroustic makes it work. I loved the imagery you painted with wonders. I also liked the rhythm of the poem itself and the way it rhymes. Thank you so much for sharing. I could not find any problems with this piece. Excellent work!

~~ Lady Pyper
16
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Review of What am I  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello again!

Wow, this was clever. I liked how you turned it into a riddle. My guess was fool's gold! I liked how you wrote this piece but while reading it I noticed that I had to go back and reread at least two lines because they seemed to not flow with the rest. I'll point them out:

looking around what I see is rare[,]
too few people notice or bother to care[,]
*Bullet* you could omit the word 'too'. And maybe add the word 'seem' in between 'people' and notice.

Here's the other thing I spotter:

It's true that no two are exactly the same;
Any shape and so many sizes to gain
*Bullet* I'm not sure what it is, but this stanza doesn't seem to flow very well. They seemed almost forced.

Please remember that these suggestions are only suggestions. You may take them or leave them as you see fit, but I hope that helps. Thank you so much for the fresh read!!

~ Lady Pyper
17
17
Review of Love's Token  
Rated: E | (4.5)
[susuer:renhouse},

I am so glad that I came across this piece. It is so full of imagery that I can relate to. This piece was beutifully written and I enjoyed reading it. I could sense the pain and bitterness of losing someone once loved, but I could also sense a new found freedom never before had. Beautifull written. I couldn't find much wrong with this piece!

~~ Lady Pyper
18
18
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
{susuer:drsmith}

Wow, I really enjoyed reading this story! I wish there had been more and I absolutely adored Moses and Lil Mike! The story has a good moral to it, but I would have loved to have seen more description and action. It did seem a little dry, but you kept my attention because of how strong Moses' character development was. I just believe you could do so much more to it. Either way, thank you so much for the enjoyable read!

~~ Lady Pyper
19
19
Review of Fox Paw  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Fanged Smile ,

What I liked:

I enjoyed reading this story, but as I was reading it I cringed at the child being left behind. How unfair that would be to experience that alone without your siblings? I loved the ending and how the child saw victory admist defeat and found a way to cope.

Character development:

Thiough this story was short, it had enough room for the character to grow and understand what was happening to them. From little description you gave, I assume the character was female but I wasn't sure. You could give more description. Somehow work it in. What did she look like? Her hair. Her eyes. Her clothes. What were her mannerisms? What was she thinking before all this happened?

Overall Impressions:

In the middle of the story the scene shifts focus, maybe you could use asertisks to seperate the middle from the beginning and ending? Or perhaps you could shift the character's point of view. What about the other siblings? What are their reactions? What is their story? How do they feel? I really enjoyed reading this piece, but I fet that you could add so much more and make it better. Please remember that any suggestions I make are just that- suggestions. You can take them or leave them as you see fit. I am looking forward to reading more of your work. If you make any changes to this story, feel free to let me know and I will reread it. .

Best regards,
Pyper
20
20
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hyperiongate ,

*Bullet*I found this piece while clicking through the random read button. I am glad that I came across it.

What I liked Best:
I really enjoyed this 55 word stroy. It had the beginning, middle, and ending that make up a story. Though writing a 55 wrod story should be easy, it can be really dificult to incorporate all three components.

What I liked least:
I enjoyed this short piece.

Suggestions For Improvement:
None that I could think of.

Overall Impression:
This was a really great piece. I enjoyed the idea of a trapeze artist. The beginning hooked me in and the ending was satisgying. Thank you for sharing your talent. Good luck in the contest. Happy writing!

Always,
Pyper
21
21
Rated: E | (4.0)
This was an interesting 55 word story. I enjoyed reading, but I didn't exactly get the ending. Maybe I need to understand Buddha first? Overall it was an easy read, and I know how limited you are with words for I entered the very same contest. Great job and keep writing!

Always,
Pyper
22
22
Review of Lost  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Eraser,

What I liked:
I really enjoyed reading this piece, and I hope you continue with it. I wish I knew what happened to Angie. I liked how you began the story. And I can't wait to see more of Kate.

What I don't like:
I really didn't see anything I didn't like. However, you might want to lread it over and check for grammar mistakes. I will help you out a bit further on in the review.

Plot:
The story so far is set in the future- the year 3002. It is a sci-fi with all the wonderful workings of scientific DNA. It seems to be a harsh time to live for most of the human race. Kate seems to be self-conscious of how their goverment is run, but she doesn't question anything out loud. At least not yet. If she does, she could be erased. So far this plot is filled with the right amount of tension and conflict. It makes me want to read more.

Style and Voice
Everything seems good here!

{c::blue}[u}Scene/ setting:
It is based in a futuristic time during the year of 3002 where the goverment a.k.a major corporations control how the human race lives, IThe beinning of the story istarts off with the New Year, making it the year 3003. I wish there were more descriptions of what the room where they celeberate New Years. How do they celelberate New Years? Is it different from the way we celelberate it? I mean, is there a ball drop. What does it look like if so?

Characters:
So far we are introduced to Kate, her boyfriend, Rocky, and Hilroy. I wish you would have provided more description of Kate. What kind of clothes did she wear? What is the color of her hair? With more description, your character will become more alive.

{u]Grammar:
There are some places that need improvement.

Overall Impression:
So far I really like this piece. It defiently has potential, especially with a little bit of polishing. I can't wait to see what happens next. Please do let me know if you have get more posted. I will be glad to read the rest.



23
23
Review of The Book  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Dan,

Things I liked: I absolutely loved this piece. It was beautifully written. I am so glad that I came across it. I know what it's like to stay up and not be able to sleep with only my pen and paper for company. I could relate to this very much.

Things I didn'y like: The fact that it ended.

Suggestions for Improvement: I couldn't find anything.

Overall Impression: This was an excellent poem. It has great flow and imagery. You should try getting it published if you can. Thank you for sharing this piece.

Always,
Pyper
24
24
Review of Trixy the Pixie  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Spidey,

{c:purple]I am very glad I came across this. Poor Trixy... I know how she feels I used to hate my name as well. Now I like it only because of Gone With the bWind!

First Impressions
The beginning of the story drew me in and the story of Trixy kept me hooked until the ending!

Favorite Parts:[/c]
I really enjoyed the part where Trixy discovers why she recieved her name and how it led to what she could do with the rest of her life.

Suggestions for Improvement: Please remember that any suggestions I make are just that- suggestions. I really didn't find any errors or find any things that could be improved on this piece. It was nicely written!

Always,
Pyper
25
25
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Praise/Encouragement: This was an excellent short story. I am glad that I came across it. I was rooting for the dog, and shuddered when the character almost fell to a certain death. Thank goodness for Guardian Angel's! It was an intriguing story and I loved it!

Things I liked: I liked how the character took time out his day in order to save the dog/ It has a very good morale.

Things I didn't like: Nothing to complain about here!

[u}Ideas:
*Bullet* Perhaps you could describe what your guardian angel looks like.
*Bullet* Or you could tell the story from the Guardian Angels POV?

Suggestions for Improvement: Please remember that any suggestions I make are just that- suggestions. For a short story it was well written and was tied together nicely. I don't have any suggestions forn improvement. That's a good thing!

Always,
Pyper
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