Hi, I enjoyed reading this poem, I liked the way the mood changed in the second stanza.
I liked the way you repeated vessel, vein and crevice. It ties the stanzas together and makes them more powerful.
In the line "Consumed every once of you", "once" doesn't seem to make sense. Did you mean "ounce"?
Overall, I really liked this piece, it was very powerful. Well done.
If you have time, feel free to drop by my port. I'd love to hear your opinion.
Oh very nice. I love the rhythm here, it flows so well, I can almost hear a tune with it.
One line I didn't like as much as the rest is the line "Will linger after it is no longer whole." as it seems a little too long, and disrupts the flow. Maybe have another look at it?
Overall, I really enjoye this, I particularly liked the last stanza, it has a real sense of futility. Well done.
qaz4
Hi, I liked the basic story in this, I think the last two lines convey your feelings especially well.
Just a couple of things I noiced, in the line "...in past tense..." "is" is actually present tense, is that what you are trying to say? Also, I didn't understand what you meant by "not even grammar ones."
I think you could work on making the two events, or the reflection and the event (I can't quite tell which they are) more distinct, and possibly describing better the links between the two.
I liked your message here, and I feel like the story itself has potential. If you ever edit it and want me to have another look at it, let me know.
qaz4
Hi, i thought that this was a really interesting piece. You certainly have some good points here about shopping.
I would suggest being careful with your punctuation, for example "You buy a sweater now it’s yours." would probably sound better wiht a comma after the word "sweater". Also, I think the "Well" after "Why isn't it fun?" isn't needed.
Oerall. You've got some good thoughts here. If you ever edit it, let me know.
If you have time, feel free to drop by my port. I'd love to hear your opinion.
Hi, I liked this poem, especially the description
"Merging together binding mountains to the sea;
Emerald ribbons showing off their majesty." I think those lines are just beautiful.
I couldn't really see the connection between the beauty of the river, and the importance of knowing their names, perhaps you could make this a little clearer?
Overall, I really enjoyed this. I thought the imagery was really well written. Well done.
If you have time, feel free to drop by my port. I'd love to hear your opinion.
Hi. I liked the ideas you expressed here. It's a very apt look at society.
One line that I think could be improved is the line "Of continuous praise towards" as it sounds too long and upsets the flow of this part of the poem.
Overall, I enjoyed reading this. It's very relevant, and easy to read. Well done.
If you have time, feel free to drop by my port. I'd love to hear your opinion.
Hi, I really enjoyed this. It's such a simple poem but very beautiful.
Just one suggestion, in the line "paints the face in shadowed smile." possibly "paints a face" might work better?
Overall, I really loved this, and I loved the last two lines especially, they just have such powerful imagery. Well done.
If you have time, feel free to drop by my port. I'd love to hear your opinion.
Wow. I loved this poem. I loved the way you repeated the first stanza as the last, and the flow throughout the poem was beautiful. I have no suggestions for improvement, well done.
I like the way you describe both as you were, and as you are now, to give a sense of contrast.
Overall, it's a very powerful poem. Well done.
I like the way you ponder different aspects of a possible "last day", what you would do, what others would do and so on.
A couple of suggestions, punctuation would really help in some parts to make your meaning clearer, and in the line "We will know their was meaning to our life", "their" should be "there"
I absolutely adore your last line. I love the double meaning in it, the way the world ending could just be a myth, or the meaning in our life could just be a myth. That last line left me stunned.
If you have time, feel free to check out my port. I'd love to hear your opinion.
I think that this is a really interesting poll, in that different religions believe in different deities, and the main seperation between religions, is which deity is 'real'. Therefore, if one was approached by a particular deity, regardless of their message, there is no doubt that this deity is real.
So it's an interesting question that you ask, I assume you meant "would you still worship?" as opposed to "would you still believe?"
Correct me if I'm wrong of course.
If you have time, feel free to drop by my port. I'd love to hear your opinion.
Hi, I liked this poem, I though you got your message across very well, I particularly liked the first two lines, they're a great introduction to your theme.
I didn't think the line "Just to have a roam," worked as well as the rest of the poem, maybe you might consider changing it?
Overall though, I think you wrote this well, and I enjoyed reading it and hearing your views.
If you have time, feel free to drop by my port. I'd love to hear your opinion.
Hi, I really enjoyed this song, it flows really well, and you actually manage to express your ideas coherently as well. Well done.
One line I didn't like so much was the last line, I feel that it should have a lot of impact, but this doesn't really even seem to really tie into the topic of the poem. If you ever revise this line, let me know. Overall I adored this piece of writing. Well done.
If you have time, feel free to stop by my port. I'd love to hear your opinion.
Hi, I really liked this poem, I liked the imagery and the way you conveyed your message. Your punctuation seemed a little odd in places, maybe have another look at that?
I particularly enjoyed the last line, I think you really drove your point home. Well done.
If you have time, feel free to drop by my port. I'd love to hear your opinion.
Hi, I liked this poem, especially the start. The first two stanzas are almost musical.
A couple of places I think could use more work, the line "My pain and suffering are at ease". At ease doesn't really seem to make sense, maybe eased would work better, or something else entirely. Also, in "To never rest or sleep peacefully." the word To seemed out of place with the rest of the poem, I'm not really sure what your trying to convey in this part. Do correct me if I've read it wrong.
Overall, I thought this was a very powerful poem. Except for those two minor mistakes, I really enjoyed reading it. Well done.
I really like this, I like the way it flows, and the way you use line length to break it up.
A couple of suggestions, where you said "Clinching his fists" did you mean "clenching?"
Also, after the lines "Dark soul" and "The end is near" I would suggest breaking it into stanzas.
Overall though, I really liked the way you'd written this. Well done.
If you have time, feel free to check out my port. I'd love to hear your opinion.
OH I LOVE IT. The king of the porcelain throne is such a clever idea.
In the first paragraph, the lines "there stood a beautiful castle. One surrounded by a crystal clear moat" sound a little off. Maybe "there stood a beautiful castle, surrounded by a crystal clear moat" may work better?
Overall though, I think this is a very original piece of writing. Well done.
Hi, I think the structure of this is very interesting.
Some of the lines don't seem to make sense, for example "you my plight" or
"got it made,
in the shade."
Maybe these could be reworked to be more relevant?
I think you've got some good ideas here, if you ever edit it and want me to have another look, let me know.
If you have time, feel free to drop by my port. I'd love to hear your opinion.
Hi, I really liked your description here of the creative process for you. It's not very similar to mine, but your way sounds more painless. I like the first stanza, it flows really well.
Ac ouple of lines I would reccommend you have another look at are the lines
"It don’t have to need sense
It don’t have to make sense"
I didn't understand the first one, and I think the second is too similar.
Overall though, you have a good poem here. Well done
If you have time, feel free to check out my port. I'd love to hear your opinion.
Hi, I really liked this, I loved the way it flowed so well, and sounded so natural, even though it's acrostic. One thing I would reccommend changing is possibly removing the comma in the second to last line, it may help it flow better. Also, maybe another word would work better in the last line than "year". Just some of my thoughts, take 'em or leave 'em.
Overall, I really enjoyed this, and I liked the way you used colour and pictures.
If you have time, feel free to drop by my port. I'd love to hear your opinion.
Hi, I really like the message in this poem. What really hit me in this was how well you conveyed the serenity that age brings.
One thing you might want to consider changing is the line "An easy way of being". I'm not sure that "way" works as well here as another word might.
Overall though, this was a pleasure to read and I really enjoyed it. Well done.
If you have time, feel free to drop by my port. I'd love to hear your opinion.
Hey, this is a really fun piece. A little cliche perhaps, but the writing style makes it good anyway. I like your use of italics throughout, and the last line is a great way to finish. Well done.
If you have time, feel free to drop by my port. I'd love to hear your opinion.
This sounds like a very expressive rant. Feel better?
Hehe, seriously though, I can relate to your emotion as expressed here.
In some parts, it feels like your ideas jump around a little, but you do express a lot of different ideas, so maybe it's just my perception.
Overall, I enjoyed reading this, it's got some very strong emotion in it.
If you have time, feel free to drop by my port, I'd love to hear your opinion.
Hi, I like this poem, the way you repeated the last stanza is very effective.
I have a couple of suggestions for the line "Of and emotional crisis over someone that most certainly wasn't him"
First of all, did you mean "Of an emotional..."?
Also, I got a little confused with the "most certainly wasn't him". Perhaps there's a different way to arrange the "him" to make it flow better and a little clearer? I think there's space to extend this, if you have any more to say, I'd love to see another couple of stanzas, perhaps about other things he's done? Just suggestions, feel free to take 'em or leave 'em.
Overall, I liked this piece because of the simple rhythm, it carried itself really well and just sounded really nice. Well done.
If you have time, feel free to drop by my port. I'd love to hear your opinion.
My personal "Other" is accepting old entries, I have a terrible time trying to write on demand. Overall though, in this contest I think you covered most of the common entries, my only question is that if 10% of answers are "Other", perhaps another category is needed if these are similar?
Well done on a good poll.
If you have time, feel free to check out my port, I'd love to hear your opinion.
Hi, I enjoyed this poem, I loved the way you made it flow, and the rhythm made the poem itself sound like a dance.
A couple of lines didn't seem to make sense, for example "Of never ending in nature's wealth" isn't grammatically correct, and in some places you have full stops where commas may be more appropriate.
Overall, a nice poem, with some beautiful imagery. I'm glad I read it.
If you have time, feel free to drop by my port. I'd love to hear your opinion.
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