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Printed from http://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/queenkissy
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258 Public Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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1
1
Review of 2018-20 Poetry  
Rated: E | (5.0)
What a wonderful collection of poetry to fill the time!


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2
2
Review of LIVING ON CRUMBS  
In affiliation with The Royal Court  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Warning- I'm working on being a better reviewer. Please bear with me as I learn.


Welcome to WDC!
We're glad to have you in our community!


FIRST IMPRESSION: I came across this item in "Noticing Newbies Newsletter (July 24, 2019). The combination of title, description, and cover image intrigued me, luring me to read more. I can definitely see why the editor chose it. As a poetry lover, I can easily say this a real gem!

FORM: Some folks don't consider free verse a form, but I do and it works well here. I especially like the enjambment on the thirteenth line. This poem begged me to read it out loud. When I did, it reminded me of a couple of works by Maya Angelou. It reads like slam poetry and I can picture someone reciting it.

GRAMMAR/PUNCTUATION: I didn't spot any issues.

STYLE/VOICE: The semi-formal tone and encouraging mood fit nicely. You brought out feelings of empowerment and sisterhood.

SUGGESTIONS: My only suggestion would be about the visual impact, which is mainly a personal preference. I'd save the bold font for the twelfth line so it would jump out even more. But again, that's just my little opinion so it's not really a big deal.

FINAL THOUGHTS: Overall, you've created a great little poem. Thank you for sharing your talent with us. I can't wait to read more of your work, I have a feeling you have a lot more to offer the readers!
Created by Shaye Lorraine


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
3
3
In affiliation with The Royal Court  
Rated: E | (5.0)
I finally had time to check out your "Fill-in-the-Blank" stories. What a great idea! Here's my offering...

Once upon a time, there was a chihuahua named Trixie. Every day, she watched kids walk home from the bus stop. They happily ate after school snacks and laughed about what fun the day had been. One day, the kids noticed Trixie barking and whimpering more than usual. Because of that, they felt sad for her being alone. Until finally, one little boy decided to let the dog out of the backyard to play. He put his bag on the ground and opened the gate. Trixie excitedly ran out. But instead of playing with him, she grabbed his bag of Cheetos and ran through the doggy door into the house.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
4
4
In affiliation with The Royal Court  
Rated: E | (3.0)
*Vine1**Vine2**Tulipp**Vine1**Vine2* This is a part of the "The Hunter Games-CLOSED already Activities *Vine1**Vine2**Tulipp**Vine1**Vine2*

Welcome! I saw your request in the "Noticing Newbies" forum, so I thought I'd have a look. First, let me say that I am not a professional. This review is just a personal opinion that I am sharing with you. If anything in this review is deemed unhelpful, please discard. I would consider removing or replacing the "really" before "impossible task". It just doesn't seem to fit. You could also use a simile or metaphor instead. Also, for an article, I would use the whole word "and" instead of the symbol. Just my thought! I look forward to seeing more of your work in the future!
Created by Shaye Lorraine


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
5
5
Review of Dear Brother  
In affiliation with The Royal Court  
Rated: 13+ | (1.0)
*Vine1**Vine2**Tulipp**Vine1**Vine2* This is a part of the "The Hunter Games-CLOSED already Activities *Vine1**Vine2**Tulipp**Vine1**Vine2*

I came across your post in the "Noticing Newbies" forum and thought I'd check out your portfolio.
πŸ– WELCOME! I'm much more comfortable reviewing poetry, but since this item is the only one you have so far, I gave it a quick look. This isn't exactly a review of the body of your work, but there are a few important things that I noticed and feel will help you in the long run. Before I start, let me say that I am not a professional. This review is just a personal opinion that I am sharing with you. If anything in this review is deemed unhelpful, please discard. If you have any questions, feel free to reach out to me.

TITLE: Good. It tells the reader that this will be a personal story dealing with family.

COVER IMAGE: N/A

GENRES: Excellent! By making to sure to use all three genres you've widened your reading audience! From what I can tell, you've chosen well.

DESCRIPTION: This section could be better utilized. I don't know what TW stands for, but perhaps you could be a bit more clear. This is also a good place to note that the item is a draft or work-in-progress (WIP). You don't want a reader to base his/her review on a final edit if it's not. Also, the intro rating is Non-E. Items like this aren't advertised as much as E rated. As long as your title, description, and cover image aren't offensive, explicit, or generally inappropriate, you should stick with E to get a wider audience. When in doubt, just ask. (I've been here 17 years and still ask!) My final suggestion goes along with the first two. You want to get your material in the right hands. Technically this isn't a novel. You slid in at just under 8,000 words, not counting the top section, just the body itself. I'm really not being picky, but choosing the right item type will ensure it's read by the right people. Many of us have certain preferences when it comes to reviewing. I don't feel that I have enough experience to give an in-depth review of longer works, so I tend to avoid them. But some authors here actively seek novellas or novels. Although there are differing views, here's a bare-bones, rough guide to help- Most of the time, 500 words or less is considered Flash Fiction, 1000 to 8000- Short Story, 5000 to 10,000- Long Short Story (which isn't an option when creating an item on WDC), 10,000 to 40,000- Novella, and finally, more than 40,000 words are generally considered a Novel. Again, not trying to nit-pick, but sometimes the smallest things can change an outcome.

FINAL THOUGHTS: Keep doing what you're doing and turn your dreams into reality!
Created by Shaye Lorraine


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
6
6
In affiliation with The Royal Court  
Rated: E | (2.0)
Welcome! I saw your request in the "Noticing Newbies" forum, so I thought I'd have a look. First, let me say that I am not a professional. This review is just a personal opinion that I am sharing with you. If anything in this review is deemed unhelpful, please discard. I would consider removing or replacing the "really" before "impossible task". It just doesn't seem to fit. You could also use a simile or metaphor instead. Also, for an article, I would use the whole word "and" instead of the symbol. Just my thought! I look forward to seeing more of your work in the future!

Created by Shaye Lorraine


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
7
7
Review of Dear Brother  
In affiliation with The Royal Court  
Rated: 13+ | (1.0)
I came across your post in the "Noticing Newbies" forum and thought I'd check out your portfolio.πŸ– WELCOME! I'm much more comfortable reviewing poetry, but since this item is the only one you have so far, I gave it a quick look. This isn't exactly a review of the body of your work, but there are a few important things that I noticed and feel will help you in the long run. Before I start, let me say that I am not a professional. This review is just a personal opinion that I am sharing with you. If anything in this review is deemed unhelpful, please discard. If you have any questions, feel free to reach out to me.

TITLE: Good. It tells the reader that this will be a personal story dealing with family.

COVER IMAGE: N/A

GENRES: Excellent! By making to sure to use all three genres you've widened your reading audience! From what I can tell, you've chosen well.

DESCRIPTION: This section could be better utilized. I don't know what TW stands for, but perhaps you could be a bit more clear. This is also a good place to note that the item is a draft or work-in-progress (WIP). You don't want a reader to base his/her review on a final edit if it's not. Also, the intro rating is Non-E. Items like this aren't advertised as much as E rated. As long as your title, description, and cover image aren't offensive, explicit, or generally inappropriate, you should stick with E to get a wider audience. When in doubt, just ask. (I've been here 17 years and still ask!) My final suggestion goes along with the first two. You want to get your material in the right hands. Technically this isn't a novel. You slid in at just under 8,000 words, not counting the top section, just the body itself. I'm really not being picky, but choosing the right item type will ensure it's read by the right people. Many of us have certain preferences when it comes to reviewing. I don't feel that I have enough experience to give an in-depth review of longer works, so I tend to avoid them. But some authors here actively seek novellas or novels. Although there are differing views, here's a bare-bones, rough guide to help- Most of the time, 500 words or less is considered Flash Fiction, 1000 to 8000- Short Story, 5000 to 10,000- Long Short Story (which isn't an option when creating an item on WDC), 10,000 to 40,000- Novella, and finally, more than 40,000 words are generally considered a Novel. Again, not trying to nit-pick, but sometimes the smallest things can change an outcome.

FINAL THOUGHTS: Keep doing what you're doing and turn your dreams into reality!

Created by Shaye Lorraine


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
8
8
Rated: E | (3.5)
Warning- I'm working on being a better reviewer. Please bear with me as I learn.

FIRST IMPRESSION: I came across this item on the "Read & Review" page. The description intrigued me because I can be somewhat illogical when it comes to the music that plays while I'm driving.

CHARACTERS: I think the main character is someone that readers will either relate to or remind them of someone they know.

PLOT: I really like the concept because I'm often teased about being superstitious when it comes to certain songs. (I refuse to listen to "Highway to Hell" or "Don't Fear the Reaper" while driving!)

GRAMMAR/PUNCTUATION: There are few issues scattered about, but nothing too major. A quick run through Grammarly or similar app will take care of it.

SUGGESTIONS: For some reason, this sentence tripped me up while reading. It took me a minute to understand what was being said. It could just be me, but I thought I should mention it.
"The only way I would be getting any rest would be to start walking before the news that I had worked sixteen hours and had a long walk ahead made it through my steel-toes shoes and my dishwater-soaked socks."

FINAL THOUGHTS: Overall, you've created a good short story. Thank you for sharing your talent and good luck with this assignment!
Created by Shaye Lorraine


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
9
9
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Warning- I'm working on being a better reviewer. Please bear with me as I learn.

FIRST IMPRESSION: You make this intimidating form seem easy!
FORM: It appears you're spot on with all the requirements.
GRAMMAR/PUNCTUATION: I didn't spot any issues.
STYLE/VOICE: This is pleasing to the ear when read out loud. It also packs an emotional punch that gives the reader something to think about.
SUGGESTIONS: This is too great for suggestions.
FINAL THOUGHTS: Overall, you've created a smashing poem!
Created by Shaye Lorraine


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
10
10
Review of Kiss It Off  
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Warning- I'm working on being a better reviewer. Please bear with me as I learn.

FIRST IMPRESSION:
I wanted to participate in this competition, but I'm not confident about my storytelling skills. (I also don't have much experience reviewing short stories.)

A FEW FAVORITE PARTS:
*SuitDiamond* The description of Marook encountering a different gender of the same species got a chuckle. I liked the way handled it without being obscene.

*SuitDiamond* Love this:
"Volunteered... for this nightmare?"
"Sir, you are stuck in the nightmare. I'm here to awaken you."

This part really hooked me and piqued my curiosity.

*SuitDiamond* The final sentence. You tackled two tasks with it. Describing an emotion that's not familiar to the character and explaining the title.

SUGGESTIONS: None.

FINAL THOUGHTS: I greatly enjoyed reading this item. I feel like I read an important prologue to something bigger. Yet it's still strong enough to stand on its own. Well done!

Created by Shaye Lorraine

Side note- Great album choice!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
11
11
for entry "Leo
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Warning- I'm working on being a better reviewer. Please bear with me as I learn.

FIRST IMPRESSION: Ah, kitty cats! Love the decorations- they're a nice touch.
FORM: Yep, it's exactly 24 syllables! πŸ˜‰
GRAMMAR/PUNCTUATION: I didn't spot any issues.
STYLE/VOICE: The informal tone and playful mood fit nicely.
SUGGESTIONS: This is too awesome for suggestions.
FINAL THOUGHTS: Overall, you've created a lovely little poem. Thank you for sharing this with us. Good luck in the contest!
Created by Shaye Lorraine


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
12
12
Review of Wheel of Fortune  
for entry "July 8, 2019
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Warning- I'm working on being a better reviewer. Please bear with me as I learn.

FIRST IMPRESSION: As a frequent Torrid shopper, I love your use of the prompt word!
FORM: Yep, it's exactly 24 syllables! πŸ˜‰
GRAMMAR/PUNCTUATION: I didn't spot any issues.
STYLE/VOICE: The informal tone and playful mood fit nicely.
SUGGESTIONS: This is too awesome for suggestions.
FINAL THOUGHTS: Overall, you've created a lovely little poem.
Created by Shaye Lorraine


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
13
13
In affiliation with The Royal Court  
Rated: E | (4.5)
I came across this poll quite randomly and decided to check it out. Mainly because I love giving my opinion. But also because it piqued my interest. 🀣
I wanted to follow up with my answer. My choice is based on the assumption that I would know the newspaper was actually a person. Without that knowledge, my answer would be, "Happily bring me inside to be the household Sunday paper, free newspaper, can't beat that." πŸ˜†
Thanks for making my day a little more interesting!

trying something new
14
14
for entry "~ Reminders ~
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Warning- I'm working on being a better reviewer. Please bear with me as I learn.

FIRST IMPRESSION: Darn, I think I forgot to enter this today! 🀣
FORM: Yay, it's exactly 24 syllables!
GRAMMAR/PUNCTUATION: I didn't spot any issues.
STYLE/VOICE: I really like how you used the prompt word in a nostalgic way. I can feel how much your parents meant to you.
SUGGESTIONS: This is too great for suggestions.
FINAL THOUGHTS: Overall, you've created a lovely little poem. Thank you for sharing your talent and good luck in the contest!
Created by Shaye Lorraine


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
15
15
Review of In the Summertime  
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Warning- I'm working on being a better reviewer. Please bear with me as I learn.

FIRST IMPRESSION: While I'm not a fan of summer, reading about the experiences of others helps me enjoy it without worrying about being turned into a lobster by the sun.
FORM: I'm not sure if you used a form (there are so many variations!) or if this is free verse. Regardless, this is structured well. It moves pretty smoothly from each stanza.
GRAMMAR/PUNCTUATION: Yay, I didn't spot any issues!
STYLE/VOICE: The informal tone and whimsical mood fit nicely. You've painted a quaint and relaxed portrait of summer.
SUGGESTIONS: The only thing I can think of is to make a little note citing what form (or free verse) is used and if your poem is for a specific contest. I think it helps reviewers to see where your coming from.
FINAL THOUGHTS: Overall, you've created a lovely little poem. Thank you for sharing your talent and keep up the good work!

trying something new


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
16
16
Review of Conflicted  
In affiliation with Mental Health Writers Alliance  
Rated: E | (3.5)
*Awarenessg**Awarenessg* May is Mental Health Awareness Month *Awarenessg**Awarenessg*
Do you have any mental health items in your port? Fill this out for a review:
 
SURVEY
Mental Health Review Form  (E)
National Mental Health Awareness Month hosted by MHWA. Would YOU like a review?
#2188408 by Charrr 🌈


*Heartg* Theme/Subject Matter: Motherhood is often discussed, but rarely with such honesty as this short story.

*Heartg* Originality/Creativity: Many women are afraid to speak up about any postpartum emotion except happiness. The viewpoint in this piece is a great way for other new moms to see that they are not alone.

*Heartg* Emotion/Impact: I struggled with postpartum psychosis after the birth of my oldest daughter. This item brought me comfort. It's good to know I wasn't alone in my stray thoughts while holding my daughter.

*Heartg* My Favorite Part: The acknowledgment of change when the speaker looks at her tennis racket.

*Heartg* My Suggestions: I didn't notice any grammar or mechanic issues.

*Heartg* Summary: I'm assuming it was written for a word strict contest. So my only suggestion is that after the contest is over, dive deeper inside yourself and expand this short story. It's a good foundation for a larger look at motherhood. Thank you for sharing this with us and keep up the good work!

Need support?? Join the "Mental Health Writers Alliance group: "Survey to Join MHWA


Created by Shaye Lorraine

Image #2188480 over display limit. -?-


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
17
17
Review of 68 Minutes  
In affiliation with Mental Health Writers Alliance  
Rated: E | (5.0)
*Awarenessg**Awarenessg* May is Mental Health Awareness Month *Awarenessg**Awarenessg*
Do you have any mental health items in your port? Fill this out for a review:
 
SURVEY
Mental Health Review Form  (E)
National Mental Health Awareness Month hosted by MHWA. Would YOU like a review?
#2188408 by Charrr 🌈


I think the reason I like this poem so much is that it's something to which nearly everyone can relate. (Plus, you know, you've got great rhymes and imagery. *Wink*) Seriously though, most people probably don't consider keeping quiet a form of abuse. Especially at a young age. This would be a great poem for elementary children to read or just hear.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
18
18
Review of Mother  
In affiliation with Mental Health Writers Alliance  
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
*Awarenessg**Awarenessg* May is Mental Health Awareness Month *Awarenessg**Awarenessg*
Do you have any mental health items in your port? Fill this out for a review:
 
SURVEY
Mental Health Review Form  (E)
National Mental Health Awareness Month hosted by MHWA. Would YOU like a review?
#2188408 by Charrr 🌈


*Heartg* Theme/Subject Matter: Sadly, this a subject with which too many readers will identify. I think you've summed it up well with your title and description. The 13+ rating is also appropriate.

*Heartg* Originality/Creativity: Just because this is a biographical piece doesn't mean you can't get creative with it. Being a familiar subject for many gives you even more reason to add your own style. This reads like a stream of consciousness, which fits a Free Verse form.

*Heartg* Emotion/Impact: This poem evokes a small feeling of sadness. There is room to make even more of an emotional impact. Rip out my heart and smash it with a crowbar!

*Heartg* My Favorite Part: The final two lines. The imagery of verbal abuse physically hurting help the reader see the scene you've written.

*Heartg* My Suggestions: I have 3 suggestions. Feel free to ignore them!

-Dig deeper into those painful memories. Show us how it affected you. For example, after the second line, you use a creative simile.
-The point of view changes from the child to the parent in lines 7-9, then back again with the last two. Perhaps you could signal this switch with quotations, italics, or even by switching the font or color?
-Lines 7 & 8 have good near rhymes at the end. I bet you could add more throughout the poem and give it a bit of rhythm.

*Heartg* Summary: Overall, I think this is a solid foundation. Don't stop now, this definitely has the potential to be better than average!

Need support?? Join the "Mental Health Writers Alliance group: "Survey to Join MHWA


Created by Shaye Lorraine

Image #2188480 over display limit. -?-


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
19
19
for entry "~ Am I A Writer? ~
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
First of all, I had no idea this contest existed until I read your entry. Bonus! Although, I may hold off entering until the next round because I think you've got yourself a winner. This blog entry is a relatable, interesting, and inspiring glimpse into your personal life. Trifecta! I didn't notice any grammar, punctuation, or spelling issues to get in the way of first place. Thank you for sharing the beginning of your writing journey!
Created by Shaye Lorraine


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
20
20
Review of Restless Soul  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Welcome to WDC!
Ah, the quest for relaxation- I know it well! Kudos on the hike though, that's a bit too much walking for this gal. I like this monologue, it's good to get things out of your head sometimes. It's a nice peek into your life. You've got a few small punctuation and grammar issues, but nothing too major. I do hope you can calm the restlessness and wish you well on your next trek. Thank you for sharing this with us and keep up the great work!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
21
21
Review of Garth's Taxidermy  
Rated: E | (1.0)
I came across this item while searching for items about Texas. I lived in the Texarkana area for several years and was an avid hunter, so the subject of this article appealed to me.

I have to say, I'm unsure if this article is supposed to be fiction or nonfiction. It seems to be satire. If this is intended to be an actual business profile, I suggest you do more research about the industry before an interview. Approximately 80% of what this "business owner" said is untrue and outrageous. Fact checking is a crucial part of the writing process. For example:

β€œHe told the boys how he pulled the heads off the chickens and plucked the feathers,” she said. β€œAt that moment I put my plate down and wanted to run. I buy all our meat now.”
One of the best job benefits, Stokes said, has been free meat.
"I always had an overflow of meat - deer, hogs," he said. "My favorite is fried deer meat. The weirdest is beaver - it's very, very lean, but it makes the best jerky you'll ever eat. I've had fried armadillo, too."


First of all, there's a clear contradiction. If the wife buys all the meat, then he would not have an "overflow of meat". Second, and more importantly- an actual taxidermist disposes of any meat in the proper way.
It's clear that you have no knowledge of the subject. The only thing this article does is tell the reader what not to look for in a taxidermist.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
22
22
Review of The Big Decision  
In affiliation with The Royal Court  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Welcome to WDC!

I like this short story. I'm not sure what contest you wrote it for, but you've used the prompt well. It's a heartwarming look into parenting. You've got a few small technical issues with punctuation.
There should be a comma instead of a period after attend in the first sentence and you've forgotten the first quotation mark before Well in the third sentence.
Other than that, it looks good!
I also suggest selecting other genres besides "Contest Entry" to get more exposure.
Overall, you've written a great piece of dialog!
Thank you for sharing this with us and keep up the great work!
Created by Shaye Lorraine



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
23
23
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Warning- I'm working on being a better reviewer. Please, bear with me as I am learning.

I'm reviewing this item as part of "I Write". I always enjoy following you because you have such a way with words. This does not disappoint! This blending of nature and spirituality are a great way to look at the cycle of life in a relatable way. Although I love the whole poem, I have to say the second stanza is my favorite. Thank you for sharing your talent with us!
Created by Shaye Lorraine


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
24
24
In affiliation with The Royal Court  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Warning- I'm working on being a better reviewer. Please bear with me as I learn.

One of the tasks I was given for a Very Wodehouse Challenge is to read and review items in the children's genre. As a parent, I should probably be able to pen a poem for kids, but sadly I cannot. But thankfully we've got folks like you to do it so my kids don't have to roll their eyes or groan. I like this little limerick. It's kind of silly, which is appealing to the small ones, and the last line is a nice nod to the parent. Well done good man! Keep up the great work!
Created by Shaye Lorraine


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
25
25
Review of Grandma's Garden  
In affiliation with The Royal Court  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Warning- I'm working on being a better reviewer. Please bear with me as I learn.

One of the tasks I was given for a Very Wodehouse Challenge is to read and review items in the children's genre. I couldn't think of a better place to find some than this contest.

FIRST IMPRESSION: I should really work on my entry for this contest, but I don't think it will turn out as cute as yours.
FORM: The end rhymes work well. When it read out loud, it sounds natural.
GRAMMAR/PUNCTUATION: I think in line 7 that we're should be were. (If not, ignore me, I am no expert!)
STYLE/VOICE: The informal tone and playful mood fit nicely. It's clear that this was written for a child. The simplicity should hold their interest.
SUGGESTIONS: This is just too adorable for suggestions.
FINAL THOUGHTS: Overall, you've created a lovely little poem. Thank you for sharing your talent and good luck in the contest!
Created by Shaye Lorraine


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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