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Printed from http://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/ragnab
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5 Public Reviews Given
Public Reviews
1
1
Review of My True Friends  
Review by Ragna Bjornson
Rated: E | (3.0)
Patricia Fenn and I became friends two years after Yvette. We have been friends every day since then. She has been there for me through my divorce, the death of my Mother, brothers, cousins, and aunts. Yvette, too.
^In these sentences you state that you and Patricia became friends two years after Yvette dies, but then you say she was there for you when Yvette died. You may have to revise.

If I came up with something special, I could not come up with anything special.
^ In this sentence you state if you came up with something special you could not come up with anything special. I think you meant you could not come up with anything personal. Am I correct?

LOL,
^ Very out of place in this piece.

This is a cute and heartfelt piece. It's a good reminder that there are people out there who love us unconditionally and who will always be there for us.

Ragna B.
2
2
Review of The Fixer  
Review by Ragna Bjornson
Rated: E | (2.5)
Jacky,
I like this short piece, but the flow is slowed by some of your word choice. Try rewriting it without using the words 'is' 'was' or any words ending in 'ly'. This forces you to keep the momentum of such a short piece moving from beginning to end with no hang-ups or slow-downs. If you try this please let me know so I can check out the end result.
Ragna
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