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111 Public Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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Review by Rainbowapple
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
General Comments: I enjoyed this immensely. It created almost Dali-like imagery in my mind (yes, I can be warped). I enjoyed the simplicity, and each stanza flowed and connected, without being over-done.

Technical Feedback: This was a nice, compact little verse-kind of suited to the subject-matter, too. Not sure about the brazier bit-it's spelled "brassiere' in "Noo Zillund". Or, were you using a metaphor. Some women think their bras are akin to a fiery brazier at times...

In all, a great read...thank-you.
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Review by Rainbowapple
Rated: E | (4.5)
General Comments: An excellent item. Well-written. I'm always interested to read of others experiences of the health sector here. Legal liability puts quite a different slant on the doctor/patient relationship, sometimes, I think.

Technical Comments: Because this is written in a narrative style, there isn't anything specific that I'd re-write or change. You made your points cogently and clearly. Additions are not needed, in my opinion.

Thanks for an interesting and compelling quick read.

Write On !.
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Review by Rainbowapple
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
General Comments: An interesting premise. Mildly amusing. This was a little difficult to read, as it was written to look more like a free verse, than an article in the conventional sense. I felt in two minds about this item, in more ways than one. I'm rating you four stars, but it does need some work.

Technical Comments: Not easy to review. As a verse, or poem, it works. A couple of lines seemed like a stretch. If it's an article, then the ending is a little short.

*Watch your use of periods versus commas. Also, tenses. This could be an even better and potentially fun read, with a twist in the tale. if these minor distractions were dealt with *Smile*

My role isn't to edit your item-you're the best person to do that, anyway.

Write On !.
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Review by Rainbowapple
Rated: E | (4.0)
General Comments: An endearing verse. An enchanting subject-matter.

Technical Feedback: I felt that there was a need for some 'polish' to this verse. With some lines, while the meaning was reasonably clear, my feeling was that some lines could be better expressed. Here are a few points/suggestions and examples:

"A royal symphony in A minor wing conducted by a squirrel"-I would write as, "A Royal Symphony in "A minor" conducted by a squirrel." (wing?).

*You need to connect your first stanzas with the ones that follow. Some additional basic grammar would help it to read better, too.

Thanks for the read.
5
5
Review by Rainbowapple
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
General Comments: An interesting read. Unfortunately, I "lost" myself while reading your article. Don't quite know why - so please don't take it to heart. Nonetheless, it was good for me to read a different point of view and set of experiences on what it means and feels to write. A tale of liberation and self-realization, maybe?.

Technical Feedback: This was written reasonably clearly. The intro could have held my attention better, but perhaps that's my own sleep deprivation, talking here. On specifics, there's nothing that jumped out at me as needing any serious attention.

In a couple of places, I would have added, "that", just for the sake of reading flow. The last line could read, "I may even get to[re-calling] the reason [why] it was that I wound up there, in the first place."

Thanks for sharing!.

Write On !.
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Review by Rainbowapple
Rated: E | (4.5)
General Comments: I thought that this was a really good, thought-provoking read. It seems sad to me, that we have advanced in race-relations in so many different ways, and yet, racism still exists. To add to it, you work in a job that's going to mean you run into abusive people anyway [I worked at a swimming pool complex for two years, myself]. There are a lot of stereotypes out there, and even if you don't fit them, if you stand out in other ways, you're still a target.

Technical Comments: You wrote this very well. You made your points clearly. Nothing that I'd change or edit. Grammar was good.

Great effort!.

I hope that more people read this, and get your message, and learn from your example *Smile*

Write On !.
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Review by Rainbowapple
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
General Comments: A harrowing, touching read. I was especially touched, because I lost my father to cancer, when I was young, and I have a younger sibling, too. I particularly identified with your observation of living a suspended sort of a life, during those often dark and confusing days. For me, it was a surreal experience-especially the fact that everything else in the household had to be continued with, as well as our schooling, and celebration of birthdays, and, so on. For my family, too, there was angst over escalating expenses, despite the fact that my father was cared for under a socialized medical system.

In addition, for me, my father's type of cancer has a genetic risk factor, so every time that I need a routine scan or test for that cancer, it is a regular reminder to me, of what he endured.

Technical Comments: A well constructed narration. It was not a long read at all, in my mind, because your writing flowed very well.

Thank-you so much, for an outstanding and heartfelt read. Thank-you for opening up your heart and your memories of you and your family, for all to see.
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Review of Getting Published  
Review by Rainbowapple
Rated: E | (4.5)
General Comments: This was chock-full of good information, perspectives and resources. Very well compiled. I will say, that as a reader, I found this to be very, very long-at least for the computer screen format (even allowing for scroll).

It might have been interesting and added to the completeness, if you had kept note of the references for other electronic sites that you looked at - even if there are/were duplications in the information presented.

Tips for Improvement: None were noted. This was, in the main, very well written.

Write On !.
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Review of The Old Oak  
Review by Rainbowapple
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
General Comments: A beautiful and touching story. The motif of the old oak tree holds many a special place in the hearts, minds and memories of many people, especially country folks. For myself, fond childhood memories of being raised on a ranch in New Zealand, where the oaks were just about the pre-dominant tree. I even staged my first rebellion and burst of Green activism when I staged a literal sit-in an oak tree, to save it from being cut down, to make way for an underground power supply for our farm.

But, back to your compelling narrative:

You write a very strong and descriptive narrative. The dialogue enhances this still further. It is well-placed, and well-executed. The characters are regular folk, who we could each relate to. This is an important aspect in creating a plausible story.

*No grammatical suggestions. This stands on its own, and rightly so.

Well Done !.
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Review of Conquest  
Review by Rainbowapple
Rated: E | (4.5)
General Comments: I liked this. I liked the ease with which this flowed.

Technical Considerations-Some suggestions:

*Punctuation?. Helps to differentiate the lines, sometimes.
*I especially enjoyed the line, "where peas and carrots fear to tread"
"...the rosy crest" - their rosy crest (?)

I would simply put 'casually' at the end of the last major stanza. It may give it some synchronicity with your beginning-"secretly".

Thanks for such an interesting read!.

Write On !.
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Review by Rainbowapple
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
General Comments: Thanks for a great read. Thanks, too, for the Author's Note at the beginning of your item-it gave me some useful context for your story. I liked the premise, and your thoughts behind it.

Below, you will find a few suggestions intended to help you to improve the content and presentation of your writing of this item:

*Spelling: "breaks"-brakes.

I realize that you may have deliberately italicized the last section of your narration for impact, but, I personally found it to be confusing.

"Her stomach bulges outwards, like an overfilled over[overn] full of buns,[P] partially hidden by her black[,] maternity[,]dress pants[,] that cost five dollars at the local thrift shop, [P]possibly owned by some rich man[']s pregnant wife before her." -classic "Bun in the Oven" analogy here-my editorial suggestions in square brackets.

A tragic tale, evoking many of the stereotypes of this 'sub-culture' of American culture (real or perceived).

Write On !.

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Review by Rainbowapple
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
General Comments: A mostly enjoyable read. I liked how your narrative followed through on your premise. Of course, marital distance is a fairly stereotypical theme of mid-life crises in general - but you handled this well. I was mildly amused to see that the crux of the solution/self-realization was that "Doctor Knew Best" *Smile*

Technical Comments: There are a few suggestions that I can make, to enhance what you've written here:

*Your brief intro line-Is Mark having a mid-life crises-*crisis" (singular)

"In Paris, they would walk hand-in-hand along the Seine, stand atop the Eiffel Tower and view the city...." This line should directly follow on from the last line in the paragraph above.

Suggestion: "So many places[that] he wished[that] he had visited; so many concerts[where] he hadn't played. "

Write On !.

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Review by Rainbowapple
Rated: E | (5.0)
General Comments: A pleasant read. Proof positive that some of the true gifts in life, are from the heart, based on the bonds that we form.

Technical Considerations: This was a very polished item. Well told - and well-structured. Your style was clear, concise and considered. Your word choices were appropriate for the subject, and also had good impact and meaning.

*No spelling nor grammatical errors noted.

Overall, an item of great quality and insight.

Thank-you for sharing your perspective.
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Review of Lonely Hearts  
Review by Rainbowapple
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
General Comments: A brilliant read!. Great, from the beginning until the end. An engrossing, short encounter with Samantha and Darwin [and Samantha's father]. I liked the simplicity of your style, which contributed to the overall impact of this work.

Technical Suggestions: I have the following suggestions to offer. These may add some more polish to the great piece that you've already written:

"...moving silently out of the bed, she redressed and snuck out of the room quietly."-I may make this a whole new sentence. Additional suggestion: "sneaked out/stole out of..."

Suggestion: "The two gazed into each other's eyes, and embraced each other - for what seemed like ages."

Your dialogue is clearly expressed, with good word choices. Phrases which we can all relate to.

Well-written. Congrats!.
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Review of By the Fireside  
Review by Rainbowapple
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
General Comments: In all, an excellent read!. Thank-you!. In particular, I was impressed with your introduction, which was both direct, and gave some very vivid descriptions.

Technical Considerations: Pretty much perfect. One thing that I noticed, that you may want to think about, is your use of tenses in the closing paragraph. I realize that thoughts and feelings are moving simultaneously between the past and the present - but consistency is always good.

There were a couple of places where a strategically added coma, could make this read even better. For example, "Yet[,] sometimes I ask myself why I feel any guilt."

*No spelling nor basic grammatical errors.

Happy Writing!.
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Review by Rainbowapple
Rated: E | (5.0)
Dear Sarah,

It is my pleasure to offer you a review, and some feedback on this fantastic item of yours. This was an amazing read-held my attention, gave me many pauses for further thought, and struck a deep chord within me. Such a comprehensive narrative - of what could be considered to be - a daunting subject. Yet, you handle this with grace and insight.

Your style is very clear and matter-of-fact. This allows you to give a really good narrative. I was amazed, really, that you have managed to put together what happened to you, with such precise detail. Then again, the human mind, never ceases to amaze us. So, too, our inner resiliency.

I liked that you also wrote about your life experiences following your accident and recovery. This gave a sense of completeness to what had happened to you, and showed that life really does go on, following such traumas.

Technically, an excellent item. I don't like to offer many editorial suggestions to such personal narratives that rely on an individual writer's voices as the basis of the writing work.

Thank-you for writing this. It has been a timely reminder of what is important in life - life itself.

Happy and Inspired Writing!.
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Review by Rainbowapple
Rated: E | (4.5)
At last-I found my Anti-Halloween item *Laugh*. This was generally well put together and expressed. I especially enjoyed your lines highlighted in orange font. Very nice.

Technically-speaking, nothing in particular jumped out at me and smacked me in the eye-no glaring spelling errors, nor spooky grammar.

Fine effort!.
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Review by Rainbowapple
Rated: E | (4.5)
Firstly, in fairness to you, as the author/presenter, and to me, as the reader/reviewer, this is/was an extremely long item to read through in one sitting. I understand the technical aspects of why it's presented this way, but it could be divided into more 'accessible' categories.

The dilemma is primarily that you have a lot of information that you need to convey, all in the simplest and most efficient way possible.

This item is chock full of good guidelines, approaches and suggestions. You also provide a lot of diverse and excellent sources and resources at the conclusion - including comprehensive electronic sources for information and support.

I'd suggest that you label your sub-sections in bold, if only to break up the sheer volume of textual material. Bullet points can be equally useful, for similar reasons.

As a government program, some of the material came off as being dry and impersonal-I've worked for central government, so I know how that can often slip into the 'ethos' and approach, without you even realizing that you are doing it.

My other difficulty, is that I would read and review this quite differently, depending on if I wanted to treat it, based on it being either the text and format of an oral or a Powerpoint presentation, or as it originating from the development of a written resource or handout. Or, as both. For that reason, I've limited my specific comments.

Write On !.
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Review by Rainbowapple
Rated: ASR | (3.0)
Welcome to Writing. com!. This was an enjoyable first read for me of one of your first items. Congratulations on getting something put up in your port!. *Smile*.

This is a great beginning, and would be even more so, with a second 'polishing'.

Here are a few editorial points for you to think over:

First up, your brief intro: It's 'losing' a dog, not "loosing".

"So I am standing in the back yard at 11 o’clock at night with a flashlight as I raked my brain and reconstruct the evening for a clue to where the tea cup sized dog could be. Bumper was probably pushing 900 in dog years, and Sharron had even attempted to prepare me for if the little sniffer kicked. Still there I was scanning the fenced yard with a tiny torch beam praying I didn’t find her out here..." Here's how I'd write it:

*"So, there I was, standing in the backyard at 11 o'clock at night, with a flashlight, as I racked my brain, to try to reconstruct the evening for any kind of a clue, as to where the tea-cup sized dog could be. Bumper was probably 900 in 'Dog Years'. Earlier, Sharron had even attempted to prepare me, in the event that the little sniffer kicked. Still, there I was, scanning the fenced yard, with a tiny torch beam, all the while, praying that I didn't find her out here...."

"Finally, I gave up on finding her out in the yard and marched back in the house, trailed by my other three canine charges.[Back] In the house I called Bumper’s name again and asked her brother Ernie where she was, but he just sat down and wagged his tail, while craning his head to the side till he was nearly looking at me upside down."

"Riddled with cancer so bad[ly] [that] it [had] cobbled her belly, Bumper, or the['Grand Dame'] grand dame as she was sometimes called, had more personality than some humans, and was smarter[than them][,] too."

All of these are just examples where you can be clearer in what you are trying to convey - they are merely suggestions. Some of these have to do with writing complete sentences, with correct grammar.

Your ending was a little short following such a build-up.

An enjoyable read. Well done!.

Write On!.

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Review of Nature's Peace  
Review by Rainbowapple
Rated: E | (4.0)
A lovely descriptive piece. I've always personally enjoyed the thought of silence and complete peace - and of getting back to nature.

In general, you used descriptive phrases to good effect, and there were no spelling errors evident. One grammatical point, though: some of your sentences would flow better, if you added a few extra commas. For example, "Lush, green plants crowded the far edge, while branches crossed overhead.,..." In addition, this whole sentence is too long, and could effectively be broken into two sentences, for greater impact.

Also, you used 'sit' [present tense], when you might have been better to use [sat] in keeping with the past tenses you've used throughout this piece.

I would have made the final sentence into two sentences, also, just for a lasting, final impression.

A nice item-evocative.

Write On !.
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Review by Rainbowapple
Rated: E | (5.0)
Great index, and as an example of comprehensive record-keeping. Also, a useful idea/resource for others, too. Can help to lend perspective to everything that you've written, too. You have a lot of variety in here, and are very accomplished.

Well Done!.

Write On !.
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Review by Rainbowapple
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
Good beginning start to this chapter.This reminds me a little of "Harry Potter" and other related books. This may well only be a draft, so I'm going to take that into consideration with my comments and feedback *Smile* My re-write is underneath yours, just to show you what COULD be done to enhance and improve your item.

Here's yours, with my corrections in square brackets [ ]
Chapter 1 - The Preparation

The noise of the cockatrice's[cockatiel?] crowing call reached every[single] inch of the Hidden Crystal Nation- one of the magical nations where all kinds of magical creatures dwells[dwell] in harmony. Its[It's=it is] early dawn and [the] plant's[plants] dew are[is] ready to be harvest.[harvested]

["Wake up Nala, [-] were be late for the exam." beseeched Dionne as she prepared her man size[sized] copper bottle[,] which she [had] borrowed from her witch aunt. "Why on[in] a hurry?", Nala mumbled in a deep[,] sleepy voice. "Dont you remember? Its[It's] our final exam day and[had] you better hurry up if you dont want Mrs. Grounnete to kick you out. ["]

Nala hurried and ran with the exited Dione out to the corridors of "Grounnete Dormitory for Girls". The two[had been] were friends for 6[six] millenniums. Dionne Mc Higgens was an indolent sorcerer who dreams[dreamt] of being accepted and loved by her family. Maybe[Perhaps] sick of being rejected by her well known family of wizards, she[had] enrolled herself in[the] Hidden Crystal School of Magical Crafts to simply proved[prove] to her perfectionist fatther[father] that she can[could] improve herself. She[had] even dared to ask[for] help from her creepy but playful witch aunt, Aunt Ursula who has been Dionne's mentor for such quite time. Dionne resembles[resembled] more of a witch rather than a wizard or sorcerrer[sorcerer] that compiles Mr. Mc Higgens' factors of disliking her.[<----this last part doesn't make sense, and it's 'Mr. McHiggen's" -singular and not plural apostrophe here]

On the other hand, Nala her friend was[and] a witty nymph with straighten[straight] auburn hair, glossy magenta lips and pastel pinkish skin.

*Be careful with your use of tense. When you're describing a character or introducing a new setting, be sure to watch for this.

*Dialogue needs to be written more clearly. Use a single line for each sentence of speech. It also helps to distinguish it from your descriptive narrative and also adds to flow and clarity.

*Use a spell-checker on your computer.

Write On !.

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Review of Tooting Car-Man.  
Review by Rainbowapple
Rated: E | (4.0)
This is quirky. Not quite sure what to make of it, on first gloss. It's clever. To the point. I like the interpretation, and I get the point, but it was simply too brief for me...

Good effort.

Write on-and I look forward to reading some of your other works.

*Thanks for the auto-reward.
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Review by Rainbowapple
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
A great folder-aptly named, with some good pieces and plenty of variety. I've enjoyed taking a look at it, and hope to offer a more detailed review of its contents, sometime soon. I especially enjoyed a brief read of, Progression".

Thanks for sharing.

Happy Writing!.
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for entry "Too Good To Be True?
Review by Rainbowapple
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
This whole journaling series is both insightful and touching. Not to mention, inspirational. You write with such honesty, and in a logical, strong manner. Progress is clear to see and share, throughout. It takes someone quite unique to be able to follow through on all of that. Yet, you do, and for that, I applaud you.

Absolutely no technical changes-and I wouldn't expect that from a journal item such as this anyway.

Excellent!.

Write On!.
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