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232 Public Reviews Given
245 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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Review of Writer's Block  
Review by Alexia Wynd
In affiliation with The Coffee Shop for the Fantas...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
This is a cute poem with wonderful rhyme. Once you started listing all those writers surrounding the home my mind immediately said "Well, no wonder why you're having trouble writing when you're home - as the brief description suggested perfectly - since the muses of inspiration seem to be making a lot of stops all around you." Sometimes, with so much creativity buzzing in the air around you, you start to lose your own spark - muse is a very shy and easily startled creature after all.

I loved the way you pulled the story back around and used the title as a comic description of where you live is an excellent touch.

Wonderfully done!

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Review of In My Own Words  
Review by Alexia Wynd
In affiliation with The Coffee Shop for the Fantas...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
I love parodies...and lyrics...and parody lyrics...so this caught my eye right away! Though, admittedly I am not familiar with that song, I come along with a bit of advice to compliment your dilemma within your own beautiful poem (because what are lyrics if not poetry sung?) and I hope that it helps you on your way. I have done my share of attempts to song write and when I was first starting off, an English teacher of mine (who dabbled in songwriting herself) gave me the best advice I can pass along. "Write to tunes that you know and eventually tunes only you can hear will surface." It could take a while, but eventually it will come. *Music1*

Aside from my own decidedly offered up advice, I'd like to say that you seem to have captured the spirit of the original song very well with your own version. It is very up beat and full of hope and joy! As far as I'm concerned (and I do not know if you share this feeling but I'll share mine with you) the point of what we try to accomplish with our poetry and fiction is to connect with one another and at some point make them smile, laugh or cry, fearful or not.

And I loved the added touch of your complete parody includes "From the movie". It sums up the point of the poem, but it's in our dreams that we always can soar! *Wink*

Thanks for sharing this with all of us. I enjoyed it.

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Review of Elementalist  
for entry "Prologue" 
Review by Alexia Wynd
In affiliation with The Coffee Shop for the Fantas...  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
This is a great prologue to this story. It has an urgency to it that draws the reader in. It showcases a character in the story - presumably the main character, although I have seen published work not touch back on the character from the prologue for many chapters - and tells the audience enough about her for them to care about her plight and the dangers the conflict established creates. Ending it the way you did leaves the reader on the proverbial edge of their seat, wanting to know if the girl and her ward survive the plummet - what happens to them next.
You did a great job building up the reader's desire to read on with this. I would like to suggest that you perhaps request the services of our "Invalid Item"  to have someone go over this for punctuation/grammatical errors as I noticed some, but would rather not bog down the review with them.

Great job with this and I'll be sure to read on to help with what I can to guide you along your way if you run into uncertainties about your story.
Welcome to the Coffee Shop *Bigsmile*

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Review by Alexia Wynd
In affiliation with The Coffee Shop for the Fantas...  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
This is a very captivating prologue to a novel. It paints the picture of the time you are about to introduce your reader to without spoon feeding them all the nitty-gritty details and also introduces the main character as he gives his view on that world. And the end line: That time had long since disappeared, and he was something else now. Perhaps not alive, but most certainly not dead... is a great little snag in the reader's mind, urging them to turn the proverbial page - in this case since this is online - and continue reading to find out more of this Roland guy.

I did want to bring your attention to an incorrect spelling in this story (as it is the only thing that caught my attention to mention as a critic):
~Excerpt~He had always thought that he fought against the monsters of the world...

Very well done and I'll be sure to read the other chapters you have posted shortly.

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Review of And She Blushed  
Review by Alexia Wynd
In affiliation with The Coffee Shop for the Fantas...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Wow, I can honestly say I wasn't expecting it to turn out exactly like that. This story was very well written to that end. With such a short story, you managed to paint a very convincing picture and reveal a twist to the scene without it feeling forced.

Very well done.

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Review by Alexia Wynd
In affiliation with The Coffee Shop for the Fantas...  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
This is an interesting story or, should I say, character exploration. It seems to be less of a story and more of a one sided dialogue focused on telling the reader a bit more about this character. There is no conflict to resolve, just a character talking to the reader. It was very well written.

Great job!

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Review by Alexia Wynd
In affiliation with The Coffee Shop for the Fantas...  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Having read the author's comment at the bottom, I agree that the present tense does make it feel more immediate. The way you formed each sentence loosely painted a picture that was made gripping by the fear bubbling behind each word. Although I am saddened to see that this was something you had gone through, I am glad you have come to be able to share it with us in such a well composed way.

Thank you for sharing this experience; it seems aptly fitting for the prompt.

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Review by Alexia Wynd
In affiliation with The Coffee Shop for the Fantas...  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
This is an interesting piece written in a very clearly defined way that pulls the reader into the story and guides them along with carefully composed prose. The carefully phrased way you put the last few things, Julie's transformation from mere girl into woman is wonderfully done.

There are two things I would like to highlight and make suggestions for, if you wouldn't mind. And, keep in mind that these are just my own suggestions and if you do not like them, feel free to just ignore them.

~Excerpt~Phew that was close. Dance girl dance. - I would recommend putting this in italics as it seems to be internal dialogue and would help differentiate it from the story telling. (Of course, I may have misinterpreted the text; I do not deny that is a distinct possibility)

~Excerpt~She had something she didn't, what was that? - You seem to use the feminine pronoun twice in the same sentence and it appears that it refers to the two different girls. I would recommend writing it as: Angela had something she didn't, what was that?
By adding in the name of the girl the story isn't using as the POV character, you help the reader identify whom the sentence is considering the 'she' - of course I could once again have mistaken the wording as something other than what was intended.

Once again, this was a beautifully written piece. You did a great job.

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Review by Alexia Wynd
In affiliation with The Coffee Shop for the Fantas...  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
This is an interesting fanfic, to say the least. These two games do lend themselves for a cross over in this manner and you do seem to have a good start to one, but there is one tweak I would be amiss if I did not recommend (and this is only a suggestion, so feel free to disregard this if you do not agree) is that you have the witch begin to make noises when Master Chief is looking at her - his light may not be directly on her enough to startle her, but I have played the game and a light source being in the vicinity of a witch would at least agitated her.

Although this piece is very well written as far as fanfics I have encountered go, the information provided in this beginning seems a bit out of place - adding the relationship between the Captain and the Lieutenant seems a bit unnecessary and having Cortana relate to it to give needless background seems rather strained. But that is just my own opinion and I do not know where you are going with this story.

I hope that you do write more of this so that I can continue to read the cross over between Halo and Left4Dead as I have watched it played/played both games and am curious to see where this is going.

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Review of Nick's Friends  
Review by Alexia Wynd
In affiliation with The Coffee Shop for the Fantas...  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
This was a very chilling and captivating story. The pace set for your story and the story being told are both well done for the confines of the word count. I haven't seen many stories about Krumpus', but I do know the general lore behind them and this story does a great job at capturing it.

You did a great job with this story and I wish you the best of luck in the contest.

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Review by Alexia Wynd
In affiliation with The Coffee Shop for the Fantas...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
This poem, though the flow and pacing of the words seems more suited for a different set up of this freestyle poem, it still conveys the story being told for the majority of the poem - an encounter with old acquaintances and their skepticism of the decided profession. I really like the end of the piece, turning around the words meant to hurt the dreams.

Very well told.
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Review by Alexia Wynd
In affiliation with The Coffee Shop for the Fantas...  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Wow; that was a very gripping story. It has a great flow to the way it is written and pulls the reader in, wanting to know more - what is the deal with the ornament? - and the only way to find out is to continue reading. The suspense written into this story is chilling and you did a great job with slowly building it up.
I especially liked how it ended the way it did for December 24 but the story continued into three lines on December 25. Kind of telling the audience - Hey, this story was just one in a larger collection.

Very well done. Great job!

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
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Review by Alexia Wynd
In affiliation with The Coffee Shop for the Fantas...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
This is a very good first draft and I'm happy you have shared it with us. Although it is very religiously oriented, I would still suggest it to anyone and everyone to read and review and help you improve upon this piece - the sweet innocence of Johnathan and his amazement of being led through the heavenly structure is beautiful.

The one thing I would suggest as part of this review is to read back over your piece. When you find instances where you seem to be telling the audience what is happening (using the term was or were is the best indicator of this), try to find another way to show the reader what is happening. An excerpt from your story as perfect example of this is:
The clouds were below him. They were passing the stratosphere to space. In a flash of light Johnathan was met by a myriad of angels on what appeared to be a blue glowing surface of glass. His heart throbbed with elation. It was beyond words or anything he could have imagined.
A revision that I would perhaps do (and this is my own suggestion so feel free to use or ignore this as you please) is:
The clouds passed below him, growing more distant as the two flew higher. They passed through the stratosphere to space. In a flash of light, Johnathan saw a myriad of angels on what appeared to be a blue glowing surface of glass. ...
If you limit the amount of telling what is happening and show more of what is happening, I think this piece would be a lot stronger than it currently is. Don't let that last comment get you confused because this was a very enjoyable and beautiful piece. It seems to still be in the draft process, though.

In conclusion: I enjoyed reading this piece a lot and wish you the best of luck with the revision process. Remember, we're all willing to help you get this piece to its full potential! *Bigsmile*

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My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
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Review of Nothing  
Review by Alexia Wynd
In affiliation with The Coffee Shop for the Fantas...  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Well, this is certainly an interesting poem. I like the format you put it in. It definitely helps the reader understand the way the lines should be grouped and is definitely has a better look and flow than having it all as one stanza. The reader can feel the pain conveyed with from the words and phrases used. You did a great job writing this.

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Review of Devils Disguise  
Review by Alexia Wynd
In affiliation with The Coffee Shop for the Fantas...  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
I'd like to start off by stating that this was a very well worded poem. I enjoyed reading it a lot. Two things caught me as odd though:
While the devil the devil teases, temps, - in this line, I am not sure why you repeated 'the devil'. I would recommend removing the second instance, though if there is a reason behind it that I had not seen you should feel free to ignore this suggestion.

no one would see the the devils inside of thee. - 'thee' feels out of place for this poem. I would suggest simply changing the word to 'you'.

I had noticed the beginning that you attempted to use a rhyme, but it was abandoned early on in the poem then switched to trying to rhyme the end word with the word in the middle of the line - this too seemed to be abandoned. With this two disjointed rhyme schemes, I don't feel this poem suffered. It still has a great flow to the words and subtle imagery to it.

Very nicely written. You did a great job.

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Review of God the Merciful?  
Review by Alexia Wynd
In affiliation with The Coffee Shop for the Fantas...  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
I wish to start off by saying that the following is my opinion and mine alone. I cannot speak for anyone else and any suggestions and/or critics I make you should feel absolutely free to ignore or use.
Although I try to avoid theological pieces, this one sparked my interest when I was perusing the Static Items page.
To be honest, the title drew me in. It made me wish to know more about what your stance was and wonder why you felt it was necessary to include a question mark in the title - which it is a nice touch.

You had a great rhyme scheme throughout the poem - and though the near-rhymes don't look right on paper, they fit beautifully when read. The general theme - your sardonic feelings toward God were not overwhelming and actually flowed in a rather twisted yet beautiful way.

I did have a few grammatical suggestions for you however:
But I will curse it till the end. - instead of "till" I'd suggest using 'til since the word you seem to be shortening is until


It hurts me to believe.
That my god is just a crutch, For these two lines, I'd recommend removing the period after believe and either placing a semicolon or a period after crutch. The thoughts from the first line continue through to the third and the forth could be a stand alone sentence - or at least that is my take on it.

The world's sorrows are to much, - should be too instead of to.

Your just a glorified buffer, - your should be you're

Like I have said, these are just suggestions and you may use them or not - it is up to you. But this was a very well written poem and with the exception of merely substituting in the proper word and the few punctuation changes, I wouldn't have you change anything else. The poem is very nice.
Very well written.
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Review by Alexia Wynd
In affiliation with The Coffee Shop for the Fantas...  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
I found this piece to be very well written and it remained on topic for the story prompt provided. I love the cliffhanger ending as well and the slow suspenseful buildup of what had happened and why she was there. I can see I'm going to have to bring out my A game to try to top this one. Hopefully you had fun writing this, because I had fun reading it.
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Review of Dragon  
Review by Alexia Wynd
In affiliation with The Coffee Shop for the Fantas...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Very simple, very direct. This poem delivers exactly what you say it does. The only thing I'd suggest is to remove the space between "awe-" and "inspiring". Other than that, I don't think you should touch it - unless you think of more things you want to include about these awesome creatures.
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Review of Mirror, Mirror  
Review by Alexia Wynd
In affiliation with The Coffee Shop for the Fantas...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
This is a very interesting story set to poem form. The flow is very well and consistent enough to make the format notable though I cannot remember exactly what form this is called (should you have stuck to the form I thought I had seen at first read). It was a very nice poem. Well done.
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Review of Unspoken Truth  
Review by Alexia Wynd
In affiliation with The Coffee Shop for the Fantas...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
This piece made me a little sad. It's obviously a very dear thing to you, or at least I'm assuming because this was the sort of poetry I used to write when I was in a particularly dark place.
The imagery used is quite powerful; wonderful and drawing yet depressing and uneasy. And the use of brackets to draw attention to the phrases 'my soul' and 'your eyes' is a good choice as well. I would suggest you add in brackets around your first line: 'your words'. Although this is a free-style poem, the use of brackets around the first phrase will help pull the flow together.

The one thing that leaves me with a question, however, is the very last line. {excerpt: "You're a bad mother"} It's not quite clear as to if that's what the person's eyes are saying or if that's an author aside. If this is an author aside, I would recommend using italics print for it to help note it as different from the rest of the poem.

I can't say this is great (though I will make the aside now to say it was good), but it was very well written in a flow of passion and passion is what drives us all as writers. And if you write with a passion, and your readers can feel that passion when they read your poetry, then even if they do not like the topic, it has still moved them in some way. And, I feel, that is our goal when we write poetry.

Well done, thank you for moving me.
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Review of The It  
Review by Alexia Wynd
In affiliation with The Coffee Shop for the Fantas...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
This is a good poem, but the stanzas seem rather oddly paced.
I would recommend, since there is not much of a rhyme scheme and this seems to be more of a free style poem, that you put a space at each punctuation mark (e.g
"The monster hiding underneath your bed,the monster in the closet." becomes "The monster hiding underneath your bed,
the monster in the closet.
.)
I think that in doing so, it would give your poem a better structural look as well as help identify to the reader where pauses ought to be.
Another suggestion I would like to make is that you emphasis the word "should' in your last line. The rest of your poem suggests all of these "The It"s are things we are afraid of and your last line is telling the reader what we should really be afraid of. Making the should stand out with the use of either bold or italicized print will draw the reader's attention to the word and hopefully get them to acknowledge the change in what the rest of the poem is speaking on.
Regardless of these two suggestions, I liked the way you brought up fear in the poem without being direct about it. Nicely written.
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Review of I've read  
Review by Alexia Wynd
In affiliation with The Coffee Shop for the Fantas...  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
So, you hardly ever read, eh? From the stanzas, I'd say your poem begs to differ.

The rhyming is wonderful and the flow is very easy to follow. And the pacing makes it easy to finish in very little time, even for a slow reader.

I think I'll dare to say you have quite a gift with words. Bravo.
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Review by Alexia Wynd
In affiliation with The Coffee Shop for the Fantas...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
This is a very sweet song. Though in reading it I cannot imagine the same pacing that you might, I can still picture it being sung - a very soft, slow melody. Well done.
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Review of Red Path  
Review by Alexia Wynd
In affiliation with The Coffee Shop for the Fantas...  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
This is a very interesting poem. I like the flow of it. I did come across something that made me go "huh?" though: did you mean to use the word wife - "Lead to my wife of expiration" - or did you mean life? Despite that little thing, it looks like this might have some deep hidden meaning to you; or I'm just reading too much into it. But it is very well done nonetheless.

May the winds tell you their secrets and the sun shine upon your page.
May your imagination always be blessed and your muse never fear the stage.
May blank pages be abundant and your pen be full of ink.
May your prose never be redundant and your skill better than you think.
~Alexia Wynd, Proud Member of CSFS~
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Review of Blank Canvas  
Review by Alexia Wynd
In affiliation with The Coffee Shop for the Fantas...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
This is a very sweet and poem and I like the rhyme scheme, even if there is one missed rhyme - it doesn't take away from the sweetness nor the flow of it. Beautiful.
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