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262 Public Reviews Given
262 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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Review by Raskolnick Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E ★★★★★ | (3.0)
The setup—a man with a reputation for lying finally tells the truth—is classic, and the execution sells it. Damon's bedraggled state is rendered in precise, lived-in details: the half-tucked tie, the wrinkled shirt, the scraped palms, the dried blood. The office silence at the end lands because we've earned it.

But it's also true that the story stops rather than ends. The silence is a moment, not a resolution. We don't see Halvorsen's face. We don't know if this changes anything. A punchline without a consequence is just a pause.

The craft is there. The finish isn't.

Alternative, in 250 words or so.

Every morning, ten or fifteen minutes late, he'd stumble through the doors smelling of last night's bar tab.

This morning was no different. Pounding headache. Too little sleep. Too much regret.

He pedaled hard down Maple Street, tie half-tucked, shirt wrinkled, hoping to sneak in before his manager noticed.

Halfway through the intersection, a sedan shot out of a side street.

Brakes squealed. Damon jerked the handlebars—too late. The car clipped his front tire, sending him skidding across pavement.

He lay there, stunned. Palms scraped raw. Elbow throbbing.

Someone called 911. EMTs wrapped his arm. "Nothing broken. You're lucky."

Lucky wasn't the word he'd use.

His bike was bent but rideable. Slowly, limping, Damon pedaled the last blocks to work.

When he pushed through the office door, Mr. Halvorsen looked up from the front desk. Folded his arms.

"What's your excuse this time?"

Damon stood there—hair messy, shirt torn, bandages wrapped around his arm, dried blood on his cheek.

He shrugged weakly. "Technically, I got hit by a car."

The office went quiet.

Halvorsen stared. Then he pulled out his wallet and handed Damon forty dollars.

"You're late. That's docked pay. Go home."

Damon blinked. "You believe me?"

"I believe you're standing there bleeding." Halvorsen turned away. "Don't make a habit of it."

Damon took the money. For once, he was telling the truth. For once, that was worse.

He stood alone in the doorway, wondering if maybe a lie would have been easier.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review of A Box of Weeds  
for entry "Famous" 
Review by Raskolnick Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ ★★★★★ | (3.0)
Funny setup. The narrator wins the argument but loses her humanity. She doesn't pause, doesn't process, doesn't sit with the weight of loving someone whose mind is broken and who betrayed her.

An alternative ending could cut deeper:

"Yes, Ronnie, I know your son's a schizo. But I'm still jealous."

Silence on the other end. What could she possibly say to that?

I slipped the phone into my pocket and kept walking. The night was cool, and somewhere a dog barked, and the world kept spinning even when you found out you'd been cheated on by a man who thought he was on Mars.

I didn't know whether to laugh or cry. So I did both.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review by Raskolnick Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ ★★★★★ | (3.0)
The story establishes a classic fable pattern: desire, trickster, promised solution, payment. Then it abandons the arc. The monkey simply leaves, opens an ice cream shop, and is never held accountable. The tiger forgets her desire, so there's no consequence, no lesson, no reversal. The "happily ever after" feels unearned because the conflict wasn't resolved—it was abandoned. In fable logic, the trickster should face some comeuppance, or the tiger should learn something. Here, the crook wins, the victim shrugs, and the story pretends that's an ending. Subversion for its own sake isn't the same as resolution.

How do you like this alternative?

"I'm fed up with my stripes," said Tanushree Tiger. "I want spots, like Laxmi Leopard, for a change."

Madhu Monkey heard her muttering and smiled. Madhu Monkey was a mischievous soul and loved playing tricks.

"Tanushree Tiger," she called, swinging down from her tree. "I know where we can find a broom that will sweep off your stripes."

Tanushree was excited. "Where?"

"It'll cost you," said Madhu.

"I have fifty gold pieces," Tanushree replied. "I saw a robber hiding them and I kept them."

Taking twenty gold pieces, Madhu disappeared through the trees. Tanushree waited two days. When Madhu didn't return, she understood she had been tricked.

She was angry. But instead of chasing the monkey, she thought: "If I were a leopard with spots, would I have tricked someone too?"

She went to the lake, looked at her reflection, and said: "I am a tiger. Tigers don't chase monkeys for twenty gold pieces. They chase for food."

And she continued her life, a little wiser, still striped.

Madhu lived well in the city with her ice cream shop. But every time she served ice cream, she looked toward the forest and wondered if the tiger had forgiven her.

So far, she hasn't learned the answer.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review by Raskolnick Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ ★★★★★ | (3.0)
Tense geopolitical thriller with sharp dialogue and credible stakes. The offer—targets in exchange for the Supreme Leader's safety—is a clever twist. The soldier's final, self-destructive outburst about Christian persecution is meant as a moment of conviction, but it strains credibility: a spy who has kept his composure throughout suddenly risks everything for a theological jab. It reads less like character and more like authorial message inserted at the last moment. The ending lands with cold finality, but the detour into sermonizing undercuts the pragmatism the story otherwise trades in. Efficient and intelligent in setup, but the politics are not neutral—they're naive, and that naivety kills the effort.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review of It Works  
Review by Raskolnick Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E ★★★★★ | (3.0)
Charming voice, warm narration, pleasant discovery—but no twist. The gold coin is a small surprise, not a genuine turn. The story moves exactly where expected: tired woman finds rock, does good deed, finds luck. There's no reversal, no revelation that recontextualizes what came before. It's nice. But "nice" isn't memorable.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review by Raskolnick Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E ★★★★★ | (3.5)
There is no twist. The story unfolds exactly as expected from the first paragraph—two people who adore each other dream of marriage, get engaged, and plan their future. The narrative remains static, offering reassurance but no conflict, obstacle, or revelation. Without tension or surprise, it reads as a heartfelt wish list rather than a story. Compounding this, the extreme repetition of capitalized keywords (HEART, DREAMS, LOVE) becomes distracting rather than emphatic. The poem and billboard proposal add variety, but the piece would benefit from condensation and showing rather than telling these emotions. Microfiction thrives on the unexpected; this offers only repetition and reassurance.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review by Raskolnick Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ ★★★★★ | (3.5)
A devastating, unflinching exploration of grief's rawest form. The dual narrative structure—mother of victim, mother of killer is bold and deeply affecting, but overwritten. The raw emotion is potent, yet the prose repeats itself: grief's isolation, anger at platitudes, the morning ritual. Each point is made multiple times. The dual-mother courtroom climax is devastating, but the journey there could be leaner. Half the words would sharpen the impact, trusting the reader to feel without exhaustive explanation.
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Review by Raskolnick Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E ★★★★★ | (3.5)
A charming domestic comedy with a satisfying ironic twist. The setup—a mouse hunt escalating into chaos—is familiar but well-executed. The prose has a playful, slightly cinematic quality ("veteran general," "hot pursuit"). The payoff (finding the lost earring) lands neatly, transforming a fruitless chase into accidental success. It's light, warm, and mildly amusing—a pleasant slice of everyday life with a small, earned smile at the end. Nothing groundbreaking, but it knows exactly what it is and delivers it cleanly.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review of The Blame Game  
Review by Raskolnick Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ ★★★★★ | (3.0)
The circular argument follows a rather predictable trajectory: blame, denial, examples, deflection, reconciliation. Nothing surprises. The conflict remains mild throughout, the characters learn nothing, and the resolution—the mother ending their punishment happens offscreen, unearned by anything the boys themselves do. Her mercy does not feel motivated. If anything, their fun in punishment would logically warrant a harsher consequence, not leniency. It's a pleasant snapshot, but snapshots aren't plots. There's no escalation, no shift in power or perspective, just a static scene that ends because the author decides it should.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review of Fly  
Review by Raskolnick Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E ★★★★★ | (2.5)
An ambitious experimental poem that attempts to distill existential philosophy into a cascade of free-associated words. The form mirrors its content—fragmented, soaring, seeking meaning through accumulation. At its best, the repetition of "Fly" and "Soar" creates a rhythmic anchor, and the final "Nevermore…" is a resonant, Poe-inflected closing note. However, the piece suffers from its own sprawl. The word-stack becomes numbing rather than illuminating; the absence of syntax means meaning must be inferred rather than felt. It gestures toward profundity without earning it, leaving the reader to do heavy lifting that the poem itself avoids. Intriguing as an experiment, but the experiment may be more interesting than the result.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review by Raskolnick Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ ★★★★★ | (3.0)
A raw, emotionally precise poem about the paradox of leaving someone who remains psychically lodged within you. Yet, it traffics heavily in familiar breakup tropes (storm/sunshine, wound/bleeding, mirrors/hunger, ghost/cracks) without reinventing them. The language is competent but not distinctive; any number of heartbreak poems could swap in these lines. The final stanza reaches for earned catharsis but lands on a platitude ("freedom is still freedom / even when it hurts"). It's not bad—it's just not memorable. You've read this poem before, even if you're reading it for the first time.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review of Lessons  
Review by Raskolnick Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E ★★★★★ | (3.5)
A gentle, heartwarming vignette about childhood logic and parental understanding. The dialogue is natural and the misdirection—James seemingly caught sneaking cookies—unfolds into a genuinely thoughtful act of compassion. The father's internal reflection elevates the piece, showing a parent recognizing and nurturing his son's emergent storytelling mind. It's a small, sweet moment, simply told, with a satisfying visual punchline: the rabbit's frantic escape. Nothing groundbreaking, but warmly effective.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review of The Party  
Review by Raskolnick Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E ★★★★★ | (2.5)
The story's premise relies on an absurdly implausible convenience: two people spend hours dancing and eating at their friend's birthday party without noticing the birthday boy, his brother, fellow schoolmates, or even one familiar face. They skip checking names, ignore the lack of recognition as Ted's friends, and simply forget their purpose. For the twist to succeed, the protagonists must be unrealistically oblivious. This clever concept collapses under the contrived logistics needed to sustain it, leaving the ending flat and unearned.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review by Raskolnick Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E ★★★★★ | (1.5)
A cat inexplicably transforms into a British man named Lloyd, presumably the author of the book she's reading. Why? How? The story offers no internal logic—magic just happens, and the protagonist reacts with barely a shrug. Her confession about skipping to the end of books is less a character quirk and more an admission of disrespect toward the very author who now stands before her, making the encounter thematically confused. Is this a celebration of reading? A fantasy wish-fulfillment? A comedy of manners? It's unclear. The piece coasts on "quirky" without earning its strangeness. A cat turns into a man, and all they do is discuss tea and spoilers.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review by Raskolnick Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E ★★★★★ | (3.0)
This is a affecting short-short story that succeeds as motivational/inspirational writing. On a scale of emotional impact versus craft polish, I'd rate it highly for heart. With minor tightening (trim a few telling phrases, perhaps add one more specific sensory or memory detail in the final walk), it could be sharper.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review of Sagittarius  
Review by Raskolnick Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E ★★★★★ | (2.5)
The concept—an ironic, horoscope-themed horror—is sharp, but the execution is clumsy and underdeveloped. The barista's "death day" line is a chilling highlight, yet its impact is immediately undercut by the mundane correction. The ominous woman feels like a stock character, and the final, literal "chest burst" of pain is a disappointingly blunt and unearned climax that fails to deliver on the story's promising, sinister setup.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review by Raskolnick Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E ★★★★★ | (3.5)
A conceptually clever but overly tidy meta-fable. The parallel between the walking trail and life’s path is effective, yet the execution feels simplistic. The "idea" that strikes is essentially a direct paraphrase of the current situation, making the revelation feel unearned and the twist predictable. It reads more like a writing exercise about inspiration than a genuine moment of it.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review by Raskolnick Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E ★★★★★ | (3.5)
While atmospheric, the prose is bloated. Adjectives ("well-lit, well-kept," "wicked, frightening") and redundant dialogue ("I don't know, Dion...") dilute tension. The final scare relies on vague abstraction ("ungodly contents"). Cutting fat and defining the horror concretely would transform this from a competent sketch into a sharp, terrifying punch.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review of The Hunting Cabin  
Review by Raskolnick Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ ★★★★★ | (4.0)
A masterfully tense and atmospheric horror vignette. The story generates profound dread through minimal, eerie details—the inverted lights, the unnatural wind, and the characters' terrifyingly matter-of-fact disappearances. The final, chilling image of "something different" looking in completes a perfectly unsettling cosmic horror moment. Nevertheless, tightening the prose by cutting a few redundant words here and there (e.g., "He looked out the window. 'I don't... I don't even see...'") would make the pacing even more crisp and relentless, heightening the scare factor.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review of First Day  
Review by Raskolnick Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E ★★★★★ | (4.5)
A charming and witty dialogue that humorously highlights the logical rigor of a child taught strict "stranger danger" rules. The teacher's patient, clever reasoning to gain trust is delightful, though the ending's exaggerated exasperation feels slightly broad compared to the scene's otherwise sharp, naturalistic comedy.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review of The Ride Home  
Review by Raskolnick Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E ★★★★★ | (3.5)
A wholesome, character-driven slice-of-life. While the authentic portrayal of community accountability is refreshing, the story leaves something to be desired. Its neat, fully-resolved conclusion feels almost too perfect, lacking the subtle tension or lingering complexity that would elevate it from a satisfying moment to a truly memorable one.
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Review by Raskolnick Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ ★★★★★ | (2.5)
A confessional monologue that blends erotic explicitness with anxious interiority. Voice is colloquial and consistent, but the piece is overlong, repetitive, and often pornographically literal rather than suggestive. The most interesting tension—voyeuristic partner versus narrator’s guilt—remains underexplored compared to the mechanical sexual detail.
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Review of Nighttime Lover  
Review by Raskolnick Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ ★★★★★ | (3.5)
A masterfully haunting poem about a consuming, supernatural affair. The lover's strengthening embrace literally drains the narrator's vitality and reality. This chilling reversal—passion as erosion—suggests a ghost, a succubus, or a psychic phantom, making the dependency far more terrifyingly intimate than a classic vampire trope. One only wonders if the sacrifice is worth it, just for good sex.
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Review of With Love  
Review by Raskolnick Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ ★★★★★ | (4.5)

A haunting, beautifully melancholic paranormal romance. The slow reveal of the supernatural element is masterfully done, blending grief, guilt, and longing into a poignant and believable ghostly love story.

Consider an ending like:

‘From Harry, with love’. But it was the postmark that stole the air from my lungs. It was stamped with yesterday's date. Yesterday! Weeks after the funeral. Weeks after they had lowered his casket into the ground...
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Review of Jared  
Review by Raskolnick Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E ★★★★★ | (2.5)
A well-written linear mood piece that prioritizes atmosphere over plot. It lacks a narrative twist, relying on static imagery and a predictable resolution that offers little emotional conflict or stakes.

Atmospheric Overload: Descriptions like the "smell of wet ash" are vivid but don't force a choice or change in the protagonist.

Passive Resolution: The "hopeful" ending feels unearned because the conflict was purely external and material.
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