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Printed from http://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/reeveroverseer
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17 Public Reviews Given
Public Reviews
1
1
Review of The Howling  
Review by Reever
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
The flow of the piece is decent enough, but some of the content could use a bit of a tuning. I would start with the appearance. Try writingML tags out to indent paragraphs or just space them apart from eachother. It would help readability alot.

I suggest a thorough edit for grammar and spelling, lack of this can hurt readability.

It seems like there is a lack of proper detailing at certain points, where things seem to jump beyond a bit. Like this:

"Max turned scratching at the door behind him, useless. He began to growl, deep and low, as if he knew he must kill this thing await (waiting?) at the end of the hall. "

Perhaps a sentence can be inserted between these two to help smooth the flow and make it less jumpy. Consider this: "Max turned scratching at the door behind him, but it was useless. He had seen it. Max growled a deep feral warning, as if he knew he must kill this thing waiting at the end of the hall."

As this leads into the "Continuing into the darkness..." it makes me wonder at first, when did Max even begin to move forward? Just by simply shifting the sentence around you can preserve the simple logic of the events happening.

And lastly, two areas that you might want to consider. This sentence : "The silence was broken by the sound of a creek, the sound of the door slowly creaking open." Now, if you were actually talking about a creek (like that thing made of water) maybe an additional detail like "babbling creek" will not leave the reader wondering if you had gotten "creak" and "creek" confused. Otherwise it appears as a sentence telling the reader about a creaky noise twice (assuming you meant "creak" each time).

And this part : "Continuing into darkness, teeth baring through the complete darkness..." Reading about the darkness twice like this is unnecessary. It can easily be wrapped up in a swift and scene-enhancing layer.

With these things in mind, just read through this work with an eye for logical sentence flow, paragraph structure and key details and how they are delivered. Once you can convey your story in a more clear and concise way, it really enhances what the reader takes away.

Overall though, the idea of the story is interesting and amusing.

Keep at it!

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Review of The Fixer  
Review by Reever
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
A well crafted group of scenes with amusing language. Skill-wise, the story is pretty good. And I base this on how seamless the story feels to me as a reader.

The label of "fantasy" as the genre led me to think that something extraordinary was going to happen. While these standard events were baited with the right amount of intrigue and wit to carry me to the finish, I found that I had to settle for the nice and logical ending as opposed to something more intriguing.

Certainly "the fixer" seemed fantastical, in an everyday kind of way, once I digested fully what he does and what he had accomplished here, and in that sense the duo did walk a path a bit more vivid with good nature and amusement.

But even though my personal interests left me wanting something more, I think you have a damn good way with plot in this tale.
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Review by Reever
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
Not bad. It is really simple though. I found that each stanza seemed like a different version of the one before: tragedy, hate, "I'm lost! and theres nothing I can do!"

If that was your point then you play it well, but maybe a climax and a hidden meaning would've added dimension, something to make it more interesting.
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Review of Lost Without You  
Review by Reever
Rated: E | (4.0)
Its alright. If you're starting a musical career, I would worry more about my voice than lyrics, though thats not to say good lyrics don't help.

I had to actually sing this a couple times to really get a feel for it. Not my type of song but the imagery and wordplay is quite nice.

If you can sing the hell outta this song and you're not the only one that thinks so, looks like you've got a decent single.

Keep at it!
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Review of Empty  
Review by Reever
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
A nice little twisting scene. The journal-entry method added a different feel. Was this in any way connected to another work or anything else??

Just some ideas to consider, but I think this may benefit from being a tad bit longer and sweeter with the right kind of details concerning the lake demon, but keeping the mystery and darkness is a must. And perhaps a stronger underlying theme concerning the lost love and maybe even a reason for losing her would spice it up. Have you ever thought about actually returning to this lake with your character and exploring what may happend if he ever saw the thing again? A twin short-story may be able to convey another face to this tale.

Perhaps my creativity is overstepping its bounds, but please disregard my words if you are perfectly satisfied with your work. It is pretty good as is.
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Review by Reever
Rated: E | (4.5)
Your argument is intriguing, obviously so since I am responding to it.

It had bothered me most of my life that people always seemed to throw up the dividing line between science and God, yet it always seemed an obvious possibility that God created science, or rather made it possible for humans to perform.

Obviously you believe that there is some all-powerful and unexplainable force that we have come to call God(correct me if I am wrong), and though there may not be scientific proof that would satisfy many people, perhaps we were meant to find God through means according to His own design.

I am the type of person that considers all possiblities at every level I dare to conceive. Every scenerio, every facet that just may be the truth, I know it is necessary to explore beyond what we consider to be beyond. Though sometimes I come to the conclusion that such a search is not necessary or even wise, for I have everything I will ever need right now, but still a part of me will remain ever curious. The willingness and ambition of such curiosity is another matter though. Such things I leave to the mercy of fate.

Though absurd, try to look at everything you know and everything you know about through the eyes of God. I know the best one can try is though their imagination past a certain point, but continue anyways. If God created us in his image and everything we know, if God was at one point in our time vengeful and full of wrath, if one of his very own angel's denied Him and makes it a very clear point to mock him, what then do you feel as this God?

I would feel like a player in a much larger game than we could ever imagine as humans, so much so , that perhaps when we are referred to as "children of God", the term is literal. As children, we still have much more to learn before we can even comprehend what is really going on around us.

After all this wonderment, I know that I always try to wrap massive groups of ideas and methods into tiny packages so that I can take them anywhere I may need them, but I have realized that life is constantly moving and there isn't always room for such luggage.

Take life as it comes, I try to tell myself, and don't bitch about the s***ty parts. Maybe when its all over someone will tell us why.
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Review by Reever
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
"...Existence itself had been unbalance(d,) distorting all forms of energy." : Maybe this is how was supposed to be read?

The story has a strong history behind it. I've put so much time into just the worlds that my stories take place in that it shows as well. I like the names that are used. I didn't understand what certain things could possibly be, but I guess thats what a prologue does to make you read on.

I think good names can make a story a bit more interesting. The references to things like the Great Sixty Year War are interesting. Since it's sci-fi I assume that it is in space, or partially so.

I would definitely check out the first chapter.
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Review by Reever
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
The unexpected nature of this poem was amusing, its title alone is what drew me into reading it, for I just had to explore an item entitled as such.

I suppose this broader type of story-telling poetry would make it more difficult to place many rhyme schemes and allow a more interlocking sort of effect. But, nonetheless, it is an enjoyable poem to read.

Good job!

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Review by Reever
Rated: E | (4.0)
I like this. Mainly because of the way it was told, simple yet unheard of (by me anyways).

I'm feeling like it can easily be describing a person whom suffers greatly the pressures of humanity. It plays through some fundamental feelings like doubt, worry, concern, submission, rejection, acceptance, and finally unity.

I scoff at the person whom gave this a 3-star average rating....I believe this is definitely above average.

Good job!

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Review by Reever
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
This is a great newsletter. Honestly I can't imagine anyone - short of authors who've made it big already - who would think these things to be annoying. I keep the ones that end up being really useful on hand always. Good information that is simple and basic enough. Keep em coming!
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Review by Reever
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Your words are very true. I myself am in constant want of change, and so I must keep reminding myself to venture out from what I am currently comfortable with, for nothing will change any other way!

I'm not greatly familiar Marcus Aurelius or his works, but from what I picked up in school and the movie "Gladiator" I know he was a very bright and insightful human being. Good quote.

Overall a solid piece with a clear message.



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