|Not being a fan of Seto Kaiba, I may have missed some of the references and how that may play into the storyline. Overall, the story proceeds well, but not exactly exciting or particularly interesting. The use of omni-perspective in the storytelling did not work well for me. I would rather have the characters tell the story or, at least, have you "show" as much as possible.
I have included examples below of some issues I found.
He laughed, pushed her off him gently, and escorted her through the town as she worried about office etiquette. [no comma needed after "gently"]
“Those are the skins we haven’t released yet. The animators are still working on them.” [speaking and thinking lines should be separated from the narrations.
Think all you want. I’m not at liberty to disclose anything without Mr. Kaiba’s express permission, and one of those few things I’m allowed to say is that he’s not gay.” [comma is not needed.]
It had put his kids through college, and though his wife stayed back in Japan [you need a comma after "and"]
Joan couldn't put into words most of what she felt while hugging him, but it was a nice hug once he loosened up. She settled for saying, "That you need more practice. Are you a virgin?" Instead of telling us what Joan felt or was thinking, let Joan tell us by using italics as a way of indicating that someone is thinking, but without quotation marks, for example, I can't put it into words, it was a nice hug once he loosened up.]
[Your readers will pick up on that, this story could have used more of this. The omniperspective use of story telling works well, but I think this story needed more of a personal touch by adding the thoughts of the characters as well. This will allow you to do more "showing" than "telling."
Joan stood, walked five paces away, spun five hundred forty degrees, and approached the bench. "Hey there. Have you seen my bicycle by chance? I'm sure I locked it up here an hour ago." [this situation where you do not split up the narrative and the "speaking or thinking sections distracts from the story.]
I hope this was useful.