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236 Public Reviews Given
236 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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126
126
Review of Waiting  
Review by PastorJuan
Rated: E | (5.0)
REVIEW

Overall: Humorous and enjoyable. I'm 66 years old and this sounded even older. Sort of like a "Kodak Moment." I think it gives away your age, or you just have an "old" spirit. Thanks for writing this.

Positive Notes: I could "see" the story as you told it. Excellent ability of description.

Negative Notes: None.

Errors/typos: None.
127
127
Review by PastorJuan
Rated: E | (4.0)
REVIEW

Overall: Humorous and typical of people's nomal reactions to "love."

Positive Notes: It draws you in unexpectedly.

Negative Notes: Seems like it needs more of something. Feels too short.

Errors/typos: A few. I rewrote it with the corrections I found. Hope this helps somehow.

Now, everyone says college is fun-- and don't get me wrong, it is. There is a lot to do. Fun work out classes, study groups, clubs, and boys. Boys are where it always seems to go downhill for me. I didn't come to school thinking that I would fall in love with someone. I just assumed that, from past experience, maybe love wasn't for me. But, for some unknown reason, God placed a blonde-haired, blue-eyed angel in my life; his name, Ernie. It started out as just a simple friendship, but soon it developed into something more. He was like a drug for me, and then things then started to go downhill for us.

We were completely different, and yes, we had much in common, like a love for the Pittsburgh Penguins, Harry Potter, and Star Wars. He is handsome, athletic, tall, he has this sense of mystery. He is unlike anyone I had met before. Different, but the good kind. The love I had for him was unmatched to any other love I've ever given. He is strong and unafraid of anything. He made me feel safe. He built me up, as well as my dreams. He believed in me. But, for some reason, I pushed him away. When you have anxiety, you constantly think that you're going to be abandoned. Whenever you fall hard in love with a guy, it's hard to control that anxiety.

I would love to have this special person back in my life. Things are weird and I miss him. I normally don't talk about my issues or problems, and I probably should. But, whenever I was with him, everything seemed to melt away. He gives me fireworks still. When I hear his voice, or someone says his name, it puts chills throughout my body.

I know, I should probably fight to get him back, but I don't have any fight left in me. Being in love with someone like I was, it takes a lot out of you. I'm emotionally exhausted. I'll love him from a distance but I think he truly knows how much I love him.
128
128
Review by PastorJuan
Rated: E | (3.0)
REVIEW

Overall: I get the sense you like the ocean. *Smile* Kidding aside, this is an interesting expression of the effects of the ocean.

Positive Notes: While all poetry does not have to rhyme, some sort of pattern would have been nice.

Negative Notes: As poetry, it can take various forms, but it would have been nice of you to manipulate the sentences and group them somehow for esthetics.

Errors/typos:
No comma should after "rejuvenates the soul"
"the breeze caresses their cheeks"
"onto the surface of the water."
"It calls you when you..." no comma after "you."
129
129
Review of Separations  
Review by PastorJuan
Rated: E | (2.5)
REVIEW

Overall: I could not tell whether you wrote this just to write something, or whether you are seriously trying to write correctly.

Positive Notes:

Negative Notes: There are many grammatical errors which can easily be found and corrected just using the "Spelling & Grammar" feature in MS Word. Besides this, Grammarly offers a free version for personal use which is truly a fantastic help for writers.

Errors/typos: As an example I rewrote the first paragraph.

In the past two years, I have realized that no one is permanent in your life. People come and go. You cannot hang on to them thinking they will never leave. Even the best of relationships can break. People drift apart. Though it has now happened to me a few times, and I have come out stronger each time. However, it is as painful as the last time. Only, I think, the timeframe to deal with the pain reduces.
130
130
Review by PastorJuan
Rated: E | (4.0)
REVIEW

OVERALL: Enjoyable and sad at the same time.

POSITIVE NOTES: Excellent cadence, nice beat. Great job with the word pictures. I could almost hear the carnival sounds in the background.

NEGATIVE NOTES: gates (plural) and Eight (singular) did not match the best.

ERRORS/TYPOS: "When i'll be Forty Eight!" [i'll should be I'll]


131
131
Review of The Night  
Review by PastorJuan
Rated: E | (5.0)
REVIEW

Overall: I have written and read many poems in my life. I do not remember a more powerfully written one as this one.

Favorite Line(s):
And forms twisted to shatter
As if dreaming of a tomorrow
When there was only that night

Positive note:You have a special gift. Please keep writing.

Negative note: None.

Errors/Typos:
None that I could find


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
132
132
Review by PastorJuan
Rated: E | (5.0)
Here are 30000 GPs for your contest and for the Merit Badge. Thanks in advance.
133
133
Review of May Two Left Feet  
Review by PastorJuan
Rated: E | (3.0)
REVIEW

Overall: Unclear as to the intention of this article/post.

Positive note: Simply written.

Negative note: lacks more substance.

Typos/errors:

” We want to support people in reaching their full potential. (there is a space between the quotation marks and the first word which should not be there.)

"Getting more council house built:" (did not understand this sentence.)

"Based on people skills, not where they come from and that ends free movement." (did not understand the part I underlined.)
134
134
Review of Bank of Donations  
Review by PastorJuan
Rated: E | (5.0)
Here are 26,000 GPs for the contest and a Merit Badge. Thanks and keep up the good work.
135
135
Review by PastorJuan
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
I paid for a US flag icon and it has not shown up. What should I do?
136
136
Review of Addie  
Review by PastorJuan
Rated: E | (4.5)
Overall: I found it refreshing, it has the ingredients for a full story.

The "gift" is introduced in an excellent manner and works well in the story.

I would have liked a better "showing" of the gift than just "don't spin."

The mind reading worked well and lends itself for much more.

Thank you for this writing.
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