Wow, what a powerful piece! You had me hooked from the first line, I had to read to the end. I loved how you described the water, I could almost feel the revulsion coming off of the screen. And the line about how the eyes wouldn't blink, that was genius!
That was cool! I really didn't know what to expect when I started reading, though I knew that Mr. Black was a bad a** right away. I loved it how he was utterly nonchalant about everything, all the stuff flying around. His reaction at the end made me smile, in a word...
Your poem was very thought provoking and excellently written however I thought there was another case of zealotry you could have added. The United States' own Manifest Destiny came to mind as a perfect example, as a result of their fanatical zeal they spread from the East Coast to the West Coast, killing or removing any Natives that stood in their way.
I'm not trying to rip, I guess your poem got enough of a reaction out of me that I felt compelled to note another example of Zealotry.
Loved the story, really got me laughing as soon as I saw the title. I've always loved the whole "Groundhog day" idea and was glad to see you do it justice. I especially loved the ending and snickered aloud at it. I don't know how long ago that review was posted but judging from your community recognition I'd say it was a while ago. Point is, it was spot on.
What a great read! It's very easy to see that you're a talented author, able to show the deapths of human dispair when confronted with a bad situation. Is it wrong to say that I was expecting the bully to shoot at him the next time the bus went by?
Really awesome story! I happen to quite enjoy NCIS...when I get the rare chance to watch it that is. I really thought your story did it justice, there were a few sentences that kind of tripped me up for a sec. But nothing that seriously detracted from the story, again I was throughly entertained by it.
Damn Jill, that was a damn fine story. I welled right up at the point where she says "Dad I'll miss you forever." reminded me so much of my grandfather...really hit an emotional nerve in me on that one Jill...that's not something that happens a lot. Loved it, easily the most gut wrenching piece I've read on the site, one little comment I have
"The EMT's didn't even attempt to resuscitate him in the ambulance, because he was flat-lined. There was no cardiac rhythm there to shock."
I thought you might want to either delete or change the there to something else, it kinda threw me is all.
Phenominal story...I'll need a moment before I can review the rest. Damn that's sad...
Nice piece of work you got here Scorch, I liked how for anybody that had not read TWD it would sound vauge. On the other side of that I like how it brought everything together for your characters in TWD.
Wow! Now I see why you made the prequel, it was very entertaining and I liked the fact that Jack had a bit of class to him. Again the only thing I noticed was your somewhat excessive use of peroids but other than that it was a great story, a thoroughly entertaining read!
Very deep and discriptive poem, makes me feel very sorry for your loss even though I never knew either you or your brother. You might want to work on your captilization a bit as well, but your poem does to me what I think poetry should do to everybody, it makes me feel for you while not even knowing you.
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