I think Betty and Stella would be kewl people to hang out with. A very fun poem that was a joy to read. Through your words I could imagine a coffee shop almost like a diner with the interaction of two owners for the entertainment. It was almost like I'd been in that shop before! I wouldn't change a thing.
Very very good! I picked your poem at random and read it as if I were crying just for fun (sorry). However by the time I had finished I was on the verge of real tears. I read it to my girlfriend and she was affected the same way. You show much talent in this poem and I'm eager to read more of your work. Keep writing!
I'm in no way a professional writer so only except this review for what it's worth to you. Of the few books I've read, the story had to grab me pretty much from the first page. This one, like many respected books I've tried, didn't. I was looking for some hint of the adventure to come but lost interest before that happened. It's probably more me than you. Have a nice day.
I'm extremely far from being a professional writer so please except my critique for what it's worth. Your work took this reader on an exploration into an observation from a different view point. You effectively used chant-like rhythmic cantor and rhetorical devises to draw me into your world. I'm eager to read more of your work.
I'm far from being a professional writer so please except my critique for what it's worth. Excellent visualization! A poetic look deep inside a troubled soul and their heroic attempts to cope. Your work really helps the reader to sympathize and take an interest. I appreciate your sharing for the benefit of others.
The best poem I've read on writing.com in a long while. The picture you've painted with words make visuals effortless. It seems obvious that your observations and experiences have given you a special insight into the winter of life. My favorite phrase is "Of my choice the gloom applauds." I look forward to reading more of your works.
I enjoyed your 24 syllable poem very much. It reminded me of when I left the farm to join the US Navy and how unprepared I was for a great big world of good and evil. I still remember those rapacious people who "befriended" me. This work has made me curious to read more from you and I hope to do so in the near future. I respectfully request that you keep on writing! :)
I very much enjoyed your vision of the Victorian world through the eyes of a person "on nature's floor." The flow of your words are entrancing as the description of the different levels of life play themselves out. I find nothing to impede the reading of this work. I can wait to read more of your works. Thank you for sharing.
Thank you for sharing your work. I'm far from being a professional writer in any sense of the word so, please, except my review for no more than it's worth.
Your work did a great job of capturing my interest in the subject and enticing me to read. However it reads more like prose than poetry. I would've liked more imagery and other poetic devices in order to invoke an emotional response. I like to use personal experience to help the reader relate.
I look forward to reading more of your work in the future.
Ah! Very nice! I could hear the music and I could identify with the words as much as the song. Now I'm going to have that tune stuck in my head the rest of the day, but at least it's not the theme to "Gilligan's Island!"
I also want to thank you for the merit badge you sent me. I appreciate it very much!
A very honest and touching poem, thank you for sharing the emotions you've experienced. I liked the sun/moon visualization. Your memories are wonderfully expressed. I could easily identify with the situation you write about. Your final line summed up your work perfectly. I look forward to reading more of your poetry.
I admire how you take a subject and make commentary on how things are, instead of inflating things to a grandiose level, which, is my tendency. What also hits home for me is that I also paint landscapes as a hobby and so identify with your observations.
As always I will keep an eye out for your new submissions as I always learn from them.
Bravo! I don't know if that conversation took place, but you've convinced me that it could have. I felt like I was listening in on an actual private moment. You've expertly conveyed a viable personality to each character and brings them to life. Thank you for granting access to the bedroom of T.J and S.H.
Wow! I very rarely read a written story. The few books I've read had to capture me from the very first couple of paragraphs and that's what you've done. Once captured by the action I couldn't read fast enough to see what happened next.
I had a feeling after reading your wonderful poem "When Relationships Sink" that your other works would be very good and I was right!
This is a wonderful poem that I dearly love, especially being an ex-sailor. The imagery, mystic and emotional sensitivity of this work was deeply moving.
I'm far from being a professional writer so please except my critique for what little it's worth, but, if you don't mind, the only change I might suggest is using the phrase "so few" in the forth stanza which follows the phrase "so blue" in the third stanza. If you add a beat else where in that line, possibly by changing "seas" to "oceans," then "so" could be eliminated... for example, "when oceans are vast, and soul mates are few?"
Again, I'm in love with this poem and your style of writing and I'm eager to read more of your work.
Bravo! This is a very imaginative piece of writing. It's very similar to a piece I wrote many years ago. Mine was about finding a ring that made me grow wings and fly with the birds. However, I ended it by waking up from a dream. Your ending was much more dramatic. I have a hard time staying interested in story telling, but your was fun to read.
If I were to make any suggestions it would be, for the benefit of the reader to keep your wording as simple as possible. For example your line:
"One day I came to the ocean and I saw something that caught my eye."
Might be easier/simpler to read as:
"One day I came to the ocean and something caught my eye."
It might not seem like much but it doesn't take much for a reader to lose interest.
One more thing, when you're telling your story in the past tense so you want all your verbs to be past tense:
"I study these words..." (studied)
"...and start laughing..." (started)
"...when I realize..." (realized)
I'm far from being a professional writer so take my advice for whatever it's worth. I think you have a real talent for storytelling and I appreciate your sharing with me and others. Whatever you do, don't give it up because if you do you'll always regret it. I know I wished I'd stayed with it. Now I find myself trying to make up for lost time.
I'm far from being a professional writer so please except my critique for what it's worth. Your words are artistic and easy to follow. You've created a simple easily read poem which economizes on standard rhetorical devices. I recommend beefing up the imagery so that the non- sporting readers of your work will be more willing to make an emotional investment. Thank you for sharing your work.
Using chant-like phrases and other rhetorical devices the author sing songs the experience of having an Epiphany to achieve a mystical feel. This work effectively puts a spirit into each phase of the process until it is alive and we are totally involved.
"Skeleton" is an effective work that takes the reader on an exploration into an observation from a different view point. The author uses notable color to paint the situation. My favorite being "When, I was found my shell was dead and gone, my stuffing spilled to the ground and rotted away, my bones broken in multiple places and my skull was crushed with a blunt object."
More "What, When and Why," might help flesh out the strength of this story. Highly recommended for those who enjoy dark imagery.
"Joshua's ‘mission’ after all was to help those in need," Bravo! This is my favorite line in "The Smallest Angel." It's so powerful and interesting the reader can scare help be impacted. I'm far from being a professional so please except my critique for what it's worth. Your work is an outstanding example, in that, each line can practically stand as a work of art on it's own. Thank you for sharing your work.
Outstanding build up as the anticipation and mystery of whatever he was doing to her builds. I truly felt the fear of the unknown as the dentists words intending to calm did in fact heighten the terror. I'm sorry to read that you're not writing anymore.. but I'm eager to read more of your works.
I like your story. I don't know if it matters but I noticed you bolded "a devil with a blue dress on" instead of "devil with a blue dress on" It'd be a shame to let such a small thing effect the judging.
An excellent take on the Writer's Cramp prompt for today. You did classic rock but I found TV theme songs to be more annoying. I really did enjoy how you reworded those songs. If your like me you sometimes try to get someone to start thinking about a song/tune to get it stuck in their head. Isn't that terrible? Anyway, I really like your entry and good luck for the contest.
I've never had a child but the sensitivity of your work provides me insight to some of the emotions involved with parenthood. Although no one can truly know without actually being a guardian, your poem provides a sweet visual of the deep fascination, hope and love that lives inside a parents heart. Thank you for sharing.
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