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for entry "Rosh Hashanah
Review by Rhymer Reisen
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi!! I’m Rhymer, and I found your item "Rosh Hashanah for "I Write: Enter the Second Decade. If you don’t mind, I’d like to tell you how and why I feel your piece is important.


Story and
     Creativity:
   


         First off, pieces like this have a home on WDC just because of the inherent nature of education. I thank you for an opportunity to learn about that which I have little knowledge.

I have nothing negative to say about your piece here. The only critiques I have are petty because when you present a piece well, all that’s left are those little things that take it a step further: the devil is in the detail. And I’ll go over a couple of those in the next section.

What you’ve done here is excellent. I personally would like to know more about the beliefs and stories from this faith. So please keep educating us, because it’s how we learn how to be there for each other. The point of this piece is far greater than grammar and technicalities.


Technical
     Aspects:
   


         The technical points I found are so small in comparison to what you’ve done, so keep that in your mind. The little stuff I’m talking about?

In the first point, it says, “Most Jewish Holiday follow…” when it there should be an “s” at the end of “holiday”…also, I’m not certain holiday needs to capitalized, but that could be just a simple difference in communication. So I’d research that just to be sure. And whatever decision you ultimately make and stand by, that’s the correct answer. “Holy Day” might be capitalized…now I’m sending both of us down the rabbit hole of research. You’re welcome. Ha HA!

         At the end of points 2, 3, and 4, there should be a period at the end of each paragraph. (See what I mean? Little things that are easy to miss and even easier to fix.)

         The writer in me appreciates learning, but I wanna see you put yourself into your next entry. You present information in a way that says you know what you’re doing, and I get that lists are difficult places to insert just little hints of yourself, but that’s where you learn to become really creative. What I mean is that if you are someone within this faith, I wanna feel the passion that called you to write this piece. And the weird thing is, I don’t have an example. Maybe I want you to loosen up just a tad…pretend we’re talking on the couch, and I have NO idea what you’re talking about me. Give your reader that feeling, and this piece will be unstoppable.


Summary:
   


         I love this piece, and I love that you wrote it! There’s nothing wrong with it, but there a couple of spots where it could be stronger. That’s amazing, that you’ve given yourself such a great start since no piece is ever truly finished. And especially with something so personal, even in a list, you’re allowed to put your own flavoring into it.

You clearly know what you’re doing, and you don’t need to stop that! Like I said, there’s definitely a place for this piece to teach those of us who don’t know. Thank you so much! I hope your day has rocked!


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2
2
Review of Contest Entries  
Review by Rhymer Reisen
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi!! I’m Rhymer, and I found your item for "I Write: Enter the Second Decade. If you don’t mind, I’d like to tell you how and why I feel your piece is important.


Story and
     Creativity:
   


         Okay, the story within this is amazing. The way you’ve managed to swirl it into itself…I don’t know how you do that, but it’s worth noting. Oh, with the self reflection and coming back to the same spot! Holy cow! I see what you you did there! That’s seriously been driving me crazy all day, how you did that. And I know it’s gotta be more than just that, so I applaud that. Using those similar “meh, I don’t wanna” moments as jumping-off points to circle back around to make the points that make the larger point.

Okay, it’s clear there are a lot of pieces at work, and you’ve put them together efficiently. I mean, the whole thing…moves, if that makes sense. Alive. And you know what you’re doing with the “behind-the-scenes” stuff, the work that creates the illusion of magic.

Basically, this story tells itself in a very cool way.


Technical
     Aspects:
   


         I know there are a lot of people who don’t use punctuation as an artistic statement, and I get that. I only point out punctuation here because you have it in the contractions. No judgement. Every piece is never done, technically. It’s supposed to grow, and yours will do that on its own. Also, punctuation teachers your reader how to hear the piece in your voice. I’m sure others will point this out, and I apologize, but at the same time…there’s not a whole lot to really judge because you captured your feelings succinctly. You did a great job. I can’t wait to see how time helps it age.


Summary:
   


         This was a really good piece to find, and I appreciate it. I’m in awe of how you used the piece to work for itself. I mean, that’s something almost inherent, right? I’ll still be thinking about it tomorrow. Bahahah! But you should be really proud of this poem and how you dominated it. I don’t have anything that I think would add to that time won’t take care of. And the punctuation…meh, it could be justified any way you wanna look at it, honestly. That’s just my opinion.

Thank you so much for this! Keep doing what you did here, playing with a more tangible idea (?!) of the piece to make it work on different levels. Brilliant. Thank you so much!


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#2265628 by Rhymer Reisen

"A Prism of People Introduction
3
3
Review by Rhymer Reisen
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi!! I’m Rhymer, and I’m a judge for "Sound & Vision Contest. If you don’t mind, I’d like to tell you how and why I feel your piece "Sorrow's foundation is important.

Story and
     Creativity:
   


         Okay, first off, wow! You can tell a story like nobody’s business! You did such a good job in setting up your scene as a whole so that each paragraph tells a little part of the story on its own.

         Now, this point might seem nit-picky, and I’m sorry for that. At the same time, the best parts of the story are the details. Negative or positive, it’s up to how you see it. What I mean is this: You are an excellent writer. You have the talent. It’s sitting there in this piece and exposed to everyone who looks. You know the story you wanna tell, and you tell it well. For the most part, you’ve got the mechanics down, you know what you’re doing. I know for fact you can go a little deeper on the artistic side.

Okay, for instance, you start the story about the girl with Main Character in autumn in Colorado. I’m from Oklahoma, never been west of OKC. Now, am I ignorant in the ways of Colorado in the fall? You bet, and that falls on me. But in this opening would be a great moment to just drop in some descriptions about the leaves…I know they change at different times and in different ways across the country. How do they look in the autumn you see? Are they blowing lightly, a gently dance in the sun-backed cooling air? I mean, use your words, your voice, but what I’m saying is…you have every right to use colors and smells and textures to bring your vision to life even more.

What did MC’s mama serve? I’m thinking something hearty, like hamburger steaks and brown gravy, maybe some mac and cheese and mashed potatoes? I’m not suggesting, I’m honestly asking. These little details give a sharper sense of your story, your character, and who you are as a writer.

So, if anyone asks, I give you permission, should you need it, to take your paintbrush and put it to your writing. Those details will make your writing POP! And I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with this story or your writing. That’s not the case at all. I’m saying it’s evident you know how to write a story, that you have a natural talent begging to go the next level. And I know you can do it based on this piece. It’s gradual…the main thing is learning to stop your brain and see the art in the story you’re giving your fans.

         Excellent story as it is, though!


Technical
     Aspects:
   


         There are a few points where punctuation is a very small detail, but I won’t go into that so much in case you’ve made the artistic choice to write it this way. But even with the couple of weaknesses, I wasn’t taken from your story.

You do have a couple of lines I wanna applaud:

“…she kissed me!” This is one of the most necessary lines I’ve ever read in my life. Here’s why: As a gay guy, I have a distorted perception of most straight guys. Sometimes I forget they’re driven by the same general human things I’m driven by. It’s easy for me to forget those emotions are there, that they’re real for straight guys. This line makes me realize I’ve got it all wrong. The vulnerability you display here cannot be overstated. Brilliant.

I might be fairly good at "Clue", but I sure didn't have one.” This line is truly clever. I laughed because I can relate. This is exactly what I was saying earlier about adding some flavorin’. Whether you’re the real life MC or he’s fictional, you showed a side that hinted you and MC have a sense of humor.

Weighty stuff like, ‘I'm engaged.’” (I changed the quotes here to fit my example…within context of your story, you wrote them correctly) Okay, so this line shows your voice as a writer. I don’t know how hong you’ve been writing, but this line is strong and clear, an artistic choice that worked in your favor. The conversational way you use this fragment is natural in tone, and you nailed it.


Summary:
   


         With this excellent and strong foundation, you’ve allowed yourself a perfect opportunity to go back and really pull yourself from yourself. There are only a couple of weaknesses overall, but they don’t make a reader feel unwelcome. I think it’s your honesty that makes that happen. Or maybe it’s the hints of your voice.

         I do know you’ve got the goods, and they’re begging to be seen by your fans. What are you waiting for? Let go and blow the world away with what’s hidden just below! You are either better than you’re aware, or you’re not giving yourself enough credit. You are really good. You should definitely keep writing and finding yourself, because it seems you’re on the right path!


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#2265628 by Rhymer Reisen

"A Prism of People Introduction
4
4
Review by Rhymer Reisen
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi!! I’m Rhymer, and I found your item "A Taste of the High Life while doing research for "The Rainbow Readerie. If you don’t mind, I’d like to tell you how and why I feel your piece is important.

Story and
     Creativity:
   


         Oh my gaaaaaaawd! I love this story, and I see what you’ve done…you’ve pushed yourself, and it shows in this piece! It is my opinion this is your best one so far. The story is simple, but what you write is so complex…I don’t know how you did that, but it’s pretty smart. This story is cute and heartbreaking at the same time. You had me with you 100%. I love it!


Technical
     Aspects:
   


         Okay, so honestly, there are a few typographical issues, but I don’t care. No, really, I’m not pointing those weakness out because you’ll see them as you read this, and other people will be all too happy to show you. If you’re curious, I’m happy to help through email.

         However…I will point out how great this is and why. This story is a big step in your writing journey…it felt really good to write, didn’t it? Here’s why: you pushed yourself a little farther.

He starts it off by lighting up a blunt, smoking, until the whites of his eyes are light strawberry ice cream pink, and then cooking an amazing dish.” This is so good as a line. It’s not that your stuff before was bad or weak, but this is one of those sweet spots to hold onto in your heart. Not only did you carry on the food metaphor, you did it in a realistic and delicious way. This is SUCH a good line specifically.

         The way you start the story at the end…and then the way you add in the back story in the middle…I mean! I definitely like how you play with formatting…it’s outside the box and so refreshing.

         ”…by the way that westernized American gays fetishize them.” This is a great line because it’s true, it’s real, and it needs to be called out. The way the LGBTQ+ community insists on tolerance while falling to the same bs social hierarchy is hypocritical. Great job!

         ”But my eyes told my true story, they are sad, and hickory in color.” Beautiful and anguished, this line, and it’s a vibrant look in so many ways at this character, and it makes him real.

         The dialogue is good, doesn’t seem forced, and I like the slangs all up in there. Just a delight!


Summary:
  


         Okay, so I’m giving you five stars on this one, and here’s why: for anyone who’s been keeping up with your works, you’ve just grown and grown. But this piece? I mean, you’ve stepped your game up, and it shows. And it feels as if you feel like a writer with this piece. I seriously applaud this story AND you. You’re doing such a great job, man! The light I see in you because of this story tickles the writer in me. Beautiful story in all the ways!


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#2265628 by Rhymer Reisen

"A Prism of People Introduction
5
5
Review of Ha ha!  
Review by Rhymer Reisen
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hi!! I’m Rhymer, and I’m a judge for "Sound & Vision Contest. If you don’t mind, I’d like to tell you how and why I feel your piece "Ha ha! is important.

Story and
     Creativity:
   


         Wow! This went dark in a hurry, and I love that! I mean! In just a few words, you brought this story to an almost Stephen King-like ending somewhere between the short story “Rage” and the end of The Dead Zone. This is maybe my favorite piece of yours so far. To take a current event so pertinent and so hurtful to so many people and wrench a real feeling that maybe hasn’t been felt by all, to use this as an outlet…brilliant. Really.


Technical
     Aspects:
   


         I only saw a couple of points of weakness in this story, but they are small points, easily fixed. In the second paragraph, third sentence: “…if he gave too shakes about…” should be two. And the fifth sentence (“It wouldn’t exactly be a murder that I killed him.”) reads a little muddled, though your point does come across. I mean, that’s all I could find here.


Summary:
   


         I needed this darkness, especially concerning this subject, and that makes me question some about my humanity. To me, that’s what an effective piece is supposed to do: we’re supposed to question ourselves and the world around us. Not only that, but the thought you put into the character switch…which side is good? Which is right? You twisted that so good. This is a refreshing and gritty piece, and in my personal life, I’ve been attracted to that kind of writing lately. However you did this, keep doing that! lol Such a great job, chica!


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#2265628 by Rhymer Reisen

"A Prism of People Introduction
6
6
Review of Dancing Sticks  
Review by Rhymer Reisen
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi!! I’m Rhymer, and I’m a judge for "Sound & Vision Contest. If you don’t mind, I’d like to tell you how and why I feel your piece "Dancing Sticks is important.

Story and
     Creativity:
   


         This is superb. The way you massage a line until it’s crisp and sharp is enviable. And I think, for this piece especially, it works almost as background music to the music you’ve already written and performed here. It’s a really cool characteristic I don’t think can be learned. And you do it like it’s nothing. lol And your wordplay is brilliant. Great job!


Technical
     Aspects:
   


         I don’t really have any critiques because of how well you’ve written this. What I do have are positive notes, and as I mentioned before, your wordplay is so smart. “Precision counts, must count the notes…” was one that stood out, and “…the symbols race…” You have so many good points like that. And the way you melted together the lyrics with your poem is so creative and done perfectly.


Summary:
   


         This was musical to read in and of itself. Though it reads with ease, it’s evident so much research and work went into this piece, and the payoff is so worth your work. Not only that, if one missed the wordplay, it still proves to be a fun piece. I can’t imagine too many people having issues with this poem in any way. I mean, you’ve hit levels here, and you were able to cater to different audiences. Smart! This is, again, another home-run for you! Nice job!


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#2265628 by Rhymer Reisen

"A Prism of People Introduction
7
7
Review of Staleness Fix  
Review by Rhymer Reisen
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi!! I’m Rhymer, and I’m a judge for "Sound & Vision Contest. If you don’t mind, I’d like to tell you how and why I feel your piece "Staleness Fix is important.

Story and
     Creativity:
   


         You’ve definitely translated the feeling of the song, and the fact that you did it in only three stanzas…great job! You even managed to build a little suspense through the middle of the second stanza, and that’s really cool. There’s tension that needs to break, and you do that in the second half of the poem. Great job!


Technical
     Aspects:
   


         So the only real critique I have sounds nit-picky, and I’ll tell you the truth: it is nit-picky, but at this point, when you’ve written a strong piece, nit-picking is all that’s left. The punctuation in the last stanza feels a little off to me, but if this was your decision, I get it. I’m just pointing out what I know.

I know what to do
I need rhythmic beats,
pulsing me through.
My staleness retreats


I’d play with the punctuation here. Something like:

I know what to do;
I need rhythmic beats
pulsing me through.
My staleness retreats.

I only say this because punctuation is important for your reader to know how you read this in your head. I don’t care what anyone says, we have to teach our audience how to read our stories the way we hear them. I know there are some who refuse punctuation, and I get that, too. But the way you mastered the first two stanzas, I have no idea you can play with the third one and do it YOUR way. So I gotta say, awesome job here!


Summary:
   


         This piece is fun, and you did an amazing job with capturing the spirit of Santana. It reminds me of “Get Up Off of That Thing”, your poem does. It’s that same feeling, spontaneous and fun. Well-written, well-presented, you did a great job on this. Your talent is evident, natural, and this piece is refreshing. Ugh! Great job! You definitely need to keep writing because you’re good at it!


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#2265628 by Rhymer Reisen

"A Prism of People Introduction
8
8
Review of Jordan  
Review by Rhymer Reisen
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi!! I’m Rhymer, and I’m a judge for "Sound & Vision Contest. If you don’t mind, I’d like to tell you how and why I feel your piece "Jordan is important.

Story and
     Creativity:
   


         Well, your last line doesn’t count with me…I’m pretty sure I died a couple of weeks ago and nobody told me. lol I admit I’ve never heard of Rival Sons, but I love music, and now I’m glad to have heard this song. Your piece displays your passion, and I love that. I appreciate the way you break down the song and the sound. You did a good job with this!


Technical
     Aspects:
   


         So there’s nothing wrong with this piece. There are few points of punctuation, and I can tell from this piece that you can go deeper, richer. You’re talent is clear: you’re a writer. This is such a good piece, but I think the more you write, the more vibrant your descriptions will be. But don’t let that affect your view of this piece, because this is good.

For example…

Ever hear a song that you can’t help but tear up every time you listen to it?
         Your first sentence does exactly what it’s supposed to do, you set your tone. But when you get a little more practice, you’ll start seeing alternatives to the bare minimum of what you’re saying. “That moment, the one when you hear the song through to its climax, a point of passion and the desire to be heard, and felt as though you were the crescendo?” I mean, you’ll find your own words and your own way (you’re already off to a great start which is more than most) to make your words about music feel…musical. lol

What I mean is this…you never really directly say why you like this song. You’ve given several strong reasons why this song is good, but you don’t tackle your own real feelings. You say it’s beautiful. (I agree.) What is it for you that made you connect with this song? What does it really bring out from within you? For one, describe in your head why this song makes you feel the way it does. And then throw it out. Do it again, but don’t use any words you used before. That result is what I’m talking about. When you get into deeper feelings, that’s where the richness of a story comes from.

However, your strongest point is how conversational you are, and so there’s a lot of advice you might not feel is applicable. And that’s okay. Your piece should be your piece, and you establish this idea with the way you speak to the reader and not down at the reader. That’s something you could easily have done without realizing it, especially with the facts you dropped throughout like a genius. And even though I don’t feel you allowed who you are to come out in this piece, you did such a great job with making your conviction known. I have no doubt this song means a lot to you.



Summary:
   


         I don’t know where you are in your writing journey, but you did some excellent things within this piece. Your tone and voice are exceptional, and I imagine we’d be hard-pressed to find anyone who disagrees. I wanna go see the rest of your port now, to see where you are and how you’re doing. Because, at least from this piece, your inherent talent is evident. Keep doing this! Keep writing! You’ve got it in you, and the only real critique I have is that you’ve written this well enough that I want to know more about your experience. Such a great job!


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#2265628 by Rhymer Reisen

"A Prism of People Introduction
9
9
Review by Rhymer Reisen
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi!! I’m Rhymer, and I found your item "He Would also Be Mine while doing research for "The Rainbow Readerie. If you don’t mind, I’d like to tell you how and why I feel your piece is important.

Story and
   Creativity:
  4.5/5


         I was a manager at Wendy’s for what could easily have been five thousand years. So, yeah, this story is believable to me right off the bat, the situation one I can identify with. You captured the Window Romance really well, that bit of anxiety as everyone is starting their day while you’re hoping for that one customer to come through for a few seconds of thrill. The only reason I’m giving this part a 4.5 and not a 5 is because you’ve done such a great job of creating this story…the greedy reader in me wants to know more.


Technical
   Aspects:
  4/5


         The points are gonna seem petty, and that’s okay; they should. You have a great piece here, so almost any review will seem nit-picky. It just means you’re off and running, and it won’t take much to make this one of your strongest pieces.

He wasn’t my first customer.” This is such an effective first line. It’s short, and it’s a hook that does exactly what it should: it makes me wanna know more. Add in that your first word is “He”, which is what fuels this story, and this is a perfect start as far as I believe. This is one of those lines that you either sat and thought about and rewrote a million times to get it perfect, or it was one of those lines that just popped out…this is a testimony of your talent, intentional or not.

“…had an 17th Birthday…” In this line, when writing a story, numbers are generally written out unless your character is seeing something on a receipt or banner. And “an” should be “a”, and “Birthday”, within this context shouldn’t be capitalized…that rule is like the first one: within context of your of your character’s perception, “17th Birthday” would be appropriately written on a banner your character sees or a card he might read. I know, nit-picky, and I’m sorry, but, then again, I’m not. Cause these are such small things, easily skipped over no matter how many revisions are done before someone reads the story.

“…my father got orders…” I don’t ever notice how many times those around me use a form of “got” in conversation…I don’t ever hear it. But when I read the word, in most cases, it does snap me out of the story for a second. And the reason I say this is because there is always a better word than “got”, always a better opportunity to use a richer word. “Received”, “Orders were dictated to us through my father…” I mean, use your words and voice, but you see what I mean. “When I got in…” could be “Once in my routine at work, I divvied…” We tend to pick the word “got” to use because it’s easy, but it also takes away chances for descriptions of action that tell a little more of the story than just “got”. And you shouldn’t feel bad for using it, because it’s one of those things we do out of habit until we realize it cuts the story’s potential.

“…he didn't care about the smell of fries, oil, or sweat.” This is such a good line, because it’s an important way to show how anyone who’s worked eight hours around hot and greasy food feels.


Summary:
  4.5/5


         I picked out a couple of things I noticed as themes, and hopefully they’ll help. Regardless, this story is well-founded and interesting. Actually, more than that, it’s honest and real. What I believe were your main points in your head with this story, you nailed: the hopeful open-ended flirty reason to go to work, and the feeling of acceptance and progression. This is a really good story, and you should feel proud of it.

You know you’re a writer, right? I mean, you don’t have to do anything to be a writer except to live stories, and I think you do that. Personally, you’re ready to write a story with the confidence to substantiate your talent. You deserve to be proud of this story, to see what you’ve done that worked here (that first line…PERFECT). I think you’re a lot more of a writer than you realize, and I hope you start seeing and feeling that soon. You and your stories and poems are ready to soar.

I hope your day has been good, sir. I personally love this. This is why I’m such a big fan of yours!!


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#2265628 by Rhymer Reisen

"A Prism of People Introduction
10
10
Review by Rhymer Reisen
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi!! I’m Rhymer, and I found your item "W.I.P. (should i scrap it or continue?) while doing research for "The Rainbow Readerie. If you don’t mind, I’d like to tell you how and why I feel your piece is important.

Story and
   Creativity:


         I see this is a WIP, and I don’t know where you are with the whole piece, but this is pretty cool for a WIP. If this is the first or second draft, your final revisions will make this brilliant. The imagery you created, the way you did it, there’s something inherent about it, and it’s good…this could be about the literal moments of being pulled into that deeper surgical sleep and waking up, or it could be a bigger metaphor. Either way, you’ve given yourself a great start to do some really awesome things with this piece.

4/5


Technical
   Aspects:


         There are several technical issues, but I’m not judging this as a final piece since it’s a WIP. There are a couple of things you probably already realize, such as the word “I” needs to be capitalized, and this formatting might could be a little better. Now, the latter comes with time and experience with using WDC, and I’ll never judge someone for what they don’t know. But I’m not gonna lie…these are the two biggest issues, and they aren’t really that big considering WIP.

3.5/5


Summary:

         My assessment is that you definitely need to keep doing this, keep writing and keep combing over this piece until it’s as perfect as you can make it…it’s so good, it deserves that much, honestly. You’re good enough from the start, apparently, that you should please keep writing. Welcome to WDC, and I hope your day has been awesome! If you ever have questions or need help, please don’t hesitate to reach out! It’s never a bother.

4/5


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The Rainbow Readerie  (18+)
This is the center for news and entertainment from LGBTQ+ contributors on Writing.Com!
#2265628 by Rhymer Reisen

"A Prism of People Introduction
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Review of WITHOUT YOU  
Review by Rhymer Reisen
In affiliation with Rainbow Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi!! I’m Rhymer, and I found your item "WITHOUT YOU while doing research for "The Rainbow Readerie. If you don’t mind, I’d like to tell you why and how I feel your piece is important.

Story and
   Creativity:          4.5


         I appreciate the story you’ve provided within this poem; it’s riddled with authenticity, and that’s a huge plus in writing. Ultimately, that’s how we as writers are able to focus in on what’s important. Also, your choice to not make every stanza an extreme opposite is commendable. It would be easy to fall into that sing-songy and boring “Life is fire; life is ice” crap. What you did do here is provide two points of time in each stanza as opposed to those extremes of feelings.



Technical
   Aspects:          3.5



         The novelty of the WITHOUT YOU and WITH YOU feels almost a little too repetitive, but that’s only because of the length of the poem, not because of anything you’ve done wrong. My suggestion would be to combine every second stanza into something like:

“ WITHOUT YOU,
I need an injection, and I can’t pay attention.
WITH YOU,
I felt a connection; I had ambition.”

         You’ve tackled this piece with honesty, and all it needs to make it shine is a quick polish.


Summary:          4.0



         As a member of the WDC LGBTQ+ community, I appreciate this piece, and I think it’s a necessary addition to the genre. I think you are a fresh addition to this site. I’ve actually checked out some of your other creations in your portfolio, and believe you’re more talented than you probably even realize. You’ve got the goods, now you gotta figure out how to take this talent and make it yours! I’m so excited for you and your journey here. If you ever need help I can give, you feel free to email, okay? You’re never gonna bother me, and you deserve the chance to learn everything you can from this site. Great job!



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Review by Rhymer Reisen
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hi!! I’m Rhymer, and I found your item "Love in Quarantine while doing research for "The Rainbow Readerie. If you don’t mind, I’d like to tell you why and how I feel your piece is important. Keep in mind, I’m a professional nothing, and these are just my opinions. I only wanna see your piece be as strong as you can make it, and you’re more than welcome to weigh my words against your heart to discover what might work!


Story and
   Creativity:


         So first of all, I’ve been a fan of yours for a while now. Your webpage here is amazing, and based on the way your activities run, you’re brilliant. So I’m coming to this piece with a little bias. This is a good story with beautiful moments of honesty…the fears at the end are valid, especially if the MC deals with social anxieties. It’s difficult and scary to open up, to be exposed and vulnerable in every way. And realizing when we’re being rude…we all go through that, and we learn from it. Well, some of us do. The story itself is good, and you did a great job showing humanity.


Technical
   Aspects:



         I’m more used to the way people from the United States structure stories, so this was a new format for me. I like the way you’ve written this. It’s conversational, like you’re talking to me instead of talking down to me. The way you showed the typos and then explained them was under the radar technically, and that’s something else you should be proud of.


Summary:


         So I really appreciate that you laid your characters on the line here, that they’re real and open and afraid yet…anxious and ready…you did an awesome job with this piece. I can’t wait to go through the rest of your port to find new things! Good job! Please keep writing and contributing because stories like this are more necessary than I think you realize. Excellent job!



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Review of Unconditional  
Review by Rhymer Reisen
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi!! I’m Rhymer, and I found your item "Unconditional while doing research for "The Rainbow Readerie. If you don’t mind, I’d like to tell you why and how I feel your piece is important. Keep in mind, I’m a professional nothing, and these are just my opinions. I only wanna see your piece be as strong as you can make it, and you’re more than welcome to weigh my words against your heart to discover what might work!


Story and
   Creativity:


         I actually featured this piece on "The Rainbow Readerie for the summer edition, and it’s one of my favorite pieces I’ve found on this site. It might be short, but in those few words, you said what most of us want to hear regardless of sexual orientation. This is beautiful.


Technical
   Aspects:



         I found no issues technically. I will go the other way, however, and point out how because this is so short and succint, you get right to the heart of what you’re feeling, what we as readers are feeling. And the message is undeniable. Great job!


Summary:


         What an awesome addition to WDC, this piece! And as the unofficial editor of the Readerie, I have to say your voice is a necessary asset to our community and this site. I’ve been around your port, and your items are good, well-written. This is an awesome piece, and you are awesome! Keep writing, okay? The world could always use more allies!!



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Review by Rhymer Reisen
Rated: E | (5.0)



Story and
   Creativity:


         Well, of course this is brilliant. This is exactly what you do, you live poetry. And you should. First off, every image you pose seems flowy and beautiful and easy, and I know this wasn’t easy at all. I know you love your levels, and you’ve done that here. Each smaller level, each scene is setting up for the next, and what you do is swirl these levels into each other to create a more substantial idea of “this is life”. We do what we do, like we’ve always done, and it won’t matter in the end, but…it will. See, I see what you’re doing! lol And on top of that, you’ve mixed what’s in your heart with that in your world, and because of that, you create this trust with the reader. As far as story, this is brilliant.


Technical
   Aspects:



         Yeah, I don’t have suggestions, but I can quote the whole thing line by line and explain why this is SO good! This is an excellent piece to study, I think, because this one requires the reader to see both trees and forest, and I can’t imagine how difficult that was to pull off. But the execution is great, seamless even.


Summary:


         This is an excellent poem! You give a vibe here of “Circle of Life” from The Lion King, except you’ve broken it down piece by piece to give a spicier flavor, to make the sentiment of the song more personified and relatable than it was without coming off as condescending. The execution of many balls in the air here is admirable. Perfect job!!



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Review of Wheel of Fortune  
for entry "May 16, 2022
Review by Rhymer Reisen
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
 Hi!! I’m Rhymer, and I’m here to review your piece, {item:} for “I Write”.
 
 Story and Creativity:
 
 
         I appreciate your grace and sensitivity through this piece. I didn’t know where we were going, but your tone is set so that by the time we arrive at the destination, we’re ready for it. I’m also sorry that these events have occurred, that these are all storm clouds rolling in, a view of what could be. And your sensitivity and grace are needed in this world right now. Right. Now.


Technical Aspects:
 
 
         I don’t think there’s any weakness to find here. If there is, the story you tell with your perceptions is strong enough to override any smaller issues of punctuation or grammar. This is excellent!


Summary:
 
 
         As a Capricorn, the serious artist in me bows to the emotion, the consideration, the questioning. My favorite stories, real and not, are those which are honest, written of the heart, not by it. This is a pleasure to read, one that brings up questions of status quo and the feelings therein, and I’m fortunate to have posted after yours. Thank you so much for sharing, and, please keep doing this.

 
 
😊❤️🖋,
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         "Interview with LeeLoo
         "The Meta-Floor
         "Keyboard Panic
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Review by Rhymer Reisen
Rated: E | (5.0)
 Hi!! I’m Rhymer, and I’m here to review your piece, "Night of the Full Worm Moon in association with "I Write: Enter the Second Decade.
 
 Story and Creativity:
 
 
         This story is so bizarre, and I love it! The end is not where I thought we’d end up, and I’m glad for that: my ending wasn’t near as awesome. This is a cute story, and if anyone needs a reason to smile, this is one to read!


Technical Aspects:
 
 
         There are only a couple of weaker points, but it’s in the actual presentation. I know with another read-over, you’ll find some of what I’m about to say, but please keep in mind…you did a great job on this, I love it, and anything I can possibly add is only petty, for real. Not for the sake of being petty, but…there’s not much to critique here in the way of negativity. lol

“Dusty Dreams is lest exciting town”….
         ”Dusty Dreams is the least exciting town…”

“I turned toward it There crawling on the ground,…”
         ”I turned toward it. There, crawling on the ground,…”

That’s what I mean about my critiques being petty. I think these are fair points, but, honestly…the one line that stabbed me with actual laughter…

“It said, in a southern drawl, ‘Are you looking for night crawlers?’”
There’s nothing wrong with this…in fact, it makes me laugh because the absurdity is PERFECT! I imagine him with a little straw hat…ha HA! You made a real character with a purpose, and so, my little things about punctuation don’t matter so much.


Summary:
 
 
         Excellent! I needed this piece to help me realize how much I love absurdity, and how cool was this story? I don’t know where it could have come from, but I’m so glad your muse made you pen it. SO. CUTE! Thank you so much for sharing this! It made my day!

 
 
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Review of Rise Up  
Review by Rhymer Reisen
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
 Hi!! I’m Rhymer, and I’m here to review your piece, "Rise Up.
 
 Story and Creativity:
 
 
         What a pleasure to read! I love this story, and I think you nailed what you were going for. There’s a clear message, and it’s necessary, so important. You did it so well, I, at the age of 41, can still identify with what this character is going through. It’s a constant exploration. And it’s not lost on me that, in so few words, you evolved a tension I don’t think will be evident to most: you snuck it in like a master.


Technical Aspects:
 
 
         I don’t have anything to critique, honestly. You’ve presented this well, made it easy to read without insulting the reader with spoon-feeding, and you brought out a real character. In less than 700 words. Brilliant.


Summary:
 
 
         What an amazing addition to the community, this piece! You tackled the humanity of differences, the outside vs. the inside, conflict after conflict the more I read it, hints of layers. And, of course, the make-up, how adding it one layer at a time removes that which hides us one layer at a time. I love this piece. Thank you so much for your voice! I cannot stress how important you are to all the communities, seriously. You are too cool!

 
 
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Review of Thanking the Gods  
Review by Rhymer Reisen
Rated: E | (5.0)
 Hi!! I’m Rhymer, and I’m here to review your piece, "Thanking the Gods. And, to be honest, I’m gonna judge this piece with a strong bias and love. Just sayin’.
 
 Story and Creativity:
 
 
         Still biased, but even if I wasn’t, the story is so well-captured, that feeling of familiarity and relief when the whole shebang just…snaps into place. The word you used here, “happenstance,” happens to be in my favorite Broadway musical, Aida based on the blockbuster opera Aida by world-renown music-person, Verdi…and it reflects the emotion and theory behind questioning if happenstance even exists given the nature of a relationship. So, even without my bias (if I can), you’ve illustrated comfort and the idea that a soulmate can exist on multiple levels relative to the chemistry of give and take. Love it.


Technical Aspects:
 
 
         I can’t find anything “wrong” or weak with this piece. Maybe it’s my lack of knowledge; probably it’s your experience. But there were a few words standing out for me, naturally highlighted in my brain. I feel like you know why more specifically, but these, I think, work together to nail your meaning, words like the aforementioned “happenstance”, “fate”, “intrinsic rainbows”, “An…other half”, and “crossed” and “parallel”. It may sound silly, and I may not be able to explain it accurately just yet, but I know there are a lot of pieces working together, thoughts, feelings, words…excellent!


Summary:
 
 
         This warms my heart and makes me wanna sing something from The Sound of Music while I twirl and twirl on a mountain top until I vomit. I’m trying to make you smile, but I’m also not being cute. I’m being serious. Don’t ever stop what you’re doing!!!

 
 
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Review of Autumnal Musing  
Review by Rhymer Reisen
Rated: E | (5.0)
 Hi!! I’m Rhymer, and I’m here to review your piece, "Autumnal Musing.
 
 Story and Creativity:
 
 
         As is everything that spews forth from your keyboard, this is wonderful! From the background that pops until the tree comes into focus to the music and the dance…you’ve done a really great job here with the story and imagery. I’ve spent enough time in nature that I know this tree, I’ve danced along to this music while Reggie the Muse waves his hands in the air like he just don’t care. I can smell the air. I’m with this tree.


Technical Aspects:
 
 
         Aaaaaaaaaand again, I can’t find anything “wrong” or that I would change in this piece. Your expertise and professionalism shine through, and the artistic choices you’ve made are perfect and confuse me on how you make this work the way you do. You truly are a magician, ma’am.


Summary:
 
 
         This piece is beautiful, easy to be a part of. And it’s easy to long for, to see and want to feel. “…as the sun tinges the sky with autumn’s glow” is just one of several parts that just…ring with the music you’ve described. Don’t ever stop what you’re doing…the world needs your imagination and descriptions, and there are those of us who are learning so much from what you create. You will never know how awesome you are!!

 
 
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Review by Rhymer Reisen
Rated: E | (4.5)
 Hi!! I’m Rhymer, and I’m here to review your piece, {item:}.
 
 Story and Creativity:
 
 
         Okay, so I know you’re quite a bit younger than myself, and, to be honest, I expected this story to read that way. It did not, not even a little bit. Excellent job on that, first of all. But this was nothing like I expected, and that’s on me. I’m certain someone somewhere has done this type of story since it’s so difficult to come upwith anything really original, but I’ve never seen it. Yours is the first for me, and I’m not gonna lie, I love it!f The idea of just little snippets of conversation…it’s like when you’re driving or riding by someone’s house, and they have their front window wide open and lit up…it’s just human nature to peer in, to see what they’re celebrating or fighting about…and you made me feel the same with this story…I had a non-member of WDC who is a few years older than my 40 read this story, and he laughed the whole way. You nailed the story with the stories. And the brilliant thing you did here, you could take any one of these snippets and carry on with a fuller story if you wanted…you set up your own future premises. Brilliant.


Technical Aspects:
 
 
         I only found a couple of mistakes, but, honestly, they aren’t big or serious. In the second conversation, where you write “There was a SLAM, then a man screamed…” Slam maybe should be italicized with an exclamation point, no caps…”There was a slam!, then a man screamed…” Maybe in the next conversation, that rule still applies, onomatopoeia, but, even here, I know I’m just reaching. This is a really well-presented piece, and any issues are so small, they don’t take away from the story. Excellent job!


Summary:
 
 
         This was a pleasure to read, and I’m so glad I stumbled upon it. I’m officially a fan and will be checking out more from your port. And, I don’t know your age, but it doesn’t matter…you tell a good story. If this is how you write now, you should definitely keep wriiting…it seems as if you’ve got it in you, and it would be a disservice to all if you didn’t create every now and then, at least. Anyway, thank you for this piece, and I hope your day rocks!

 
 
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Review by Rhymer Reisen
Rated: E | (5.0)
 Hi!! I’m Rhymer, and I’m here to review your piece, "Writer's Dilemma in association with "Mega Review Challenge CLOSED til October.
 
 Story and Creativity:
 
 
         You’ve captured that elusive and bossy muse right here. After the fightiest fight I’ve ever had with a muse concerning a recent vignette I wrote, I’ve come to the conclusion that any power I have as a writer comes from the muse. And I love thta final line about how we “feed on their brilliance, swimming or flailing in their wake just keeping our head above water lest we not drown in words.” It’s somehow scary and comforting at the same time that we are at the mercy of the muse.


Technical Aspects:
 
 
         Please, this is perfectly written. At this point, I know my reviews for you aren’t helpful so much as far as making your writing better, but when it comes to you, I do reviews so you know you’re on to something. And this is the case here again. Surprise, you nailed it. lol


Summary:
 
 
         I love this piece! I love it when you describe the muse and its process. I don’t feel so alone on this path when I read your words. And this one is one of my favorites. And I love how you were able to capture the idea that the muse lives on “feast or famine”, nothing in between. Or at least mine doesn’t. Ahem. I get that’s the point. lol Another piece well-rooted in excellence and crafting. I am such a fan of yours.

 
 
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Review by Rhymer Reisen
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
 Hi!! I’m Rhymer, and I’m here to review your piece, "The Big Book of Obscure Minor Blessings. in association with "Mega Review Challenge CLOSED til October.
 
 Story and Creativity:
 
 
         You blow me away with your works to the point I will read everything you ever post. This piece is hilarious, along the same lines as Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett, and I didn’t realize how much I needed this piece. From the first line when you named the character, it’s clear this story requires a brain and a sense of humor, and you did not disappoint since I brought both. Do you know you’re brilliant?


Technical Aspects:
 
 
         Brilliant, brilliant, brilliant. I found one typo (third paragraph down, “it’s” should be “its”), but I’m not counting that…my iPad changes the two without my consent all the time. Outside of that, I can’t find anything “wrong”…this piece goes beyond that and gives me everything that’s right. I laughed so hard on the paragraph about socks, especially the last line…you nailed that comedic tone through writing, the timing is perfect…I’m calling it perfect.


Summary:
 
 
         I’m a fan of yours, and I think you’re one that most people should fan. The thought and work you’ve put into this piece shows, right down to the line about “there’s no accounting for taste”. On a selfish level, I hope you’re around here for a long time, and that you create to your heart’s satisfaction.

 
 
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Review by Rhymer Reisen
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
 Hi!! I’m Rhymer, and I’m here to review your piece, {item:} in association with "Mega Review Challenge CLOSED til October.
 
 Story and Creativity:
 
 
         Bahahah! I love this so much! I’m already singing this song in my head! I hope you and your dad have as much fun making these as they are to hear!


Technical Aspects:
 
 
         Brilliant. There's something thrilling about hearing a story told the way your father tells them. He could be reading the mail, and I would still throw five-star reviews at you.


Summary:
 
 
         Here in the States, we’re usually shown the worst parts of the world, including “Slumdog Millionaire”, we hear about how horrible the Ganges is with pollution, and we just picture crowded cities, dusty and sick. But that’s not the image you paint at all, and because of this, because of you, I’ve been researching India…we in the U.S. have no idea what we’re missing. To be part of a culture that came from an original civilization, be be surrounded by the beautiful environment indiginous to the area…the culture, the spirituality…the life…it’s easy to see why you guys are proud of your land, and you should be proud. You are an amazing people, and I’m thankful that our paths crossed, that you’ve shown me a more realistic and beautiful side. I’m completely taken, and these stories just fuel my interest and curiosity. Excellent!

 
 
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Review of The Keeper  
Review by Rhymer Reisen
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi!! I’m Rhymer, and I’m here to review your piece, "The Keeper in association with "Mega Review Challenge CLOSED til October.

*Party* Aaaaand…this is a review to celebrate Writing.Com's 21st Birthday with "All Grown Up *Party*
Happy birthday, WDC, and happy celebrations to you!

 
 
 Story and Creativity:
 
 
         A couple of months ago, you and I had a conversation about who will want what once we’re gone…maybe this is the answer to that? Who cares about things when we really do mold those around us as they do us. And I love the idea of giving ourselves to the next generation to make of this life what they will. My long (and maybe forgotten point) is that this such a beautiful way to see people…to look at a photo or read a name written in a family Bible and realize they had a whole life, a bundle of experiences…a heart of love and hate and fear and hopes…even though my wording isn’t the most efficient here, I feel like you get what I’m saying. I love the story of this piece, and it punches me right in the heart.


Technical Aspects:
 
 
         Punctuation? Check. Well-presented execution? Check. I kinda feel bad when I do reviews of your pieces just because I can’t usually find any accidents or typos or mistakes. I swear I’m looking! (I have started using semicolons more now, I’ve noticed, so I’ve taken that away from your pieces…lol) In fact, people who don’t know how punctuation isused at all would benefit from simply reading your pieces. You’re so brilliant!


Summary:
 
 
         I love this. I love buying old Bibles from used bookstores, to see the notes other people wrote, to find what was important to them…I have one on my bookshelf that chronicles the moon landing and some of the space missions of the sixties and early seventies, and it is fascinating. This was someone’s life…someone’s story. I read this piece, and that’s what I think of, that feeling of being allowed a peek into someone life from the past. You…are…amazing!!! I love reviewing your pieces; you make it so easy. Thank you!

 
 
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Review of Laundry Day  
Review by Rhymer Reisen
Rated: E | (5.0)
 Hi!! I’m Rhymer, and I’m here to review your piece, "Laundry Day.
 
 Story and Creativity:
 
 
         Of course this is uh-mazing. The celebration of finding oneself, of beingoneself is captured here with such a joyous and freeing feeling underneath the words. From the first line of “Crawl outside yourself” is the perfect introduction to this piece, an acknowledgement that maybe the best way to find ourselves is to go outside and see us, celebrate ourselves…great piece!


Technical Aspects:
 
 
         Your words are always awesome, especially when they complete an idea. So many good lines here…”drink of water’s shimmer”…”the poetry that rattles your soul”…”playing leapfrog with fireflies”…”grab your rumpled skin and wash it clean in river flow”…these all support what I took to be the idea, a graceful dance of words that are easy to read, easy to understand, and it leaves the reader with the feeling that we’re worth finding and loving.


Summary:
 
 
         Another slam-dunk. When I tell others about loyalty to a writer, this piece is why…I can guarantee, when I read your works, you uphold a high standard for yourself. I know I’m safe as a reader in your writery hands, that you’ll take me somplace real and fantasy at the same time. And you’re consistent, even as you learn and grow. Such a great piece!!

 
 
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