I was so happy when this piece popped up next from my personal list of things to review. It’s clear you’re meant to “poet” all over the place, and that’s to the benefit of the rest of us. Every line is fueled by intent, each word a representation of something I would think is indescribable. Which is why you’re such a better writer. There’s a musicality to this that’s more complex than a simple rhyme, and there’s so much you’ve said here.
Technical Aspects:
Oh, please. I’ve come to the conclusion that I will never find any mistakes nor accidents with your pieces. Your consistency makes me trust what you’re saying and how you say it, and as a reader, that’s important. Excellent job!
Summary:
I’m not being cute here…you’re too good for anyone to find anything simple with your pieces. You’re beyond that. I’d be surprised to find something of yours posted with weak spots. And this whole piece is so strong. You would do yourself and the rest of us a disservice if you ever stopped writing. You’re on fire this year, and I can’t wait to see how your port looks by the end of the year!!
With 😊, ❤️, and 🖋,
Rhymer
Reisen
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For a short piece, you know how to pack a punch with just a few words. The words you’ve chosen are apt and succinct, and you drive home such an important fact: women have been the number one oppressed group in history. And you guys run the world, to be honest. Sure, men are in the forefront, but it’s women in the background, ignored and rendered unimportant, who are running things.
Technical Aspects:
The only note I have about this piece, the only critique is that I wanted more. You’ve got such a great piece, and I, as a man, want to know more about how you see yourself, about how you see the power in your walk and the many roles you grace. But my critique isn’t meant as a bad thing…the fact you left me wanting more makes me as a reader want to go through your entire port.
Summary:
Such a good piece, almost reminiscent of Maya Angelou…great job! You’ve done a great job describing the reality of women and the roles you are expected to take. I love this. Please let this piece stand as a reminder of how good you are, and especially considering the subject matter, the world needs to hear your voice and see your perspective. Please, don’t ever stop writing! Great job!!
With 😊, ❤️, and 🖋,
Rhymer
Reisen
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Ms. Marvilla, you are so good! I was excited when I came across this piece, excited to review something of yours, and this didn’t disappoint. You’ve put a lot of yourself into this piece that I wouldn’t have guessed about you, especially your love of photography. That’s why pieces like this are so important: we get to learn about the humanity behind the writing. Good job of showing yourself, exposing yourself, if you will. Sorry…I won’t use anymore photography jokes. lol
Technical Aspects:
There are a few little issues, but nothing major. All I mean by that is there are places that could be tightened up some. Like in the first sentence, “I am a person that loves to take pictures”…the word “that” is filler, especially in this sentence. It could be removed, and it would make the idea of the sentence stronger. And preposition do the same thing…but I don’t think that’s an issue so much here. But these are little fixes, things we as writers do over time until we’re satisfied with it, if ever. I mean, these little notes are the worst things I could find…you did a good job here.
Summary:
I love that you love photography, and I appreciate how much you’ve opened yourself up here. Even though you and I are not of the same faith, you make it easy to identify with what you’re going through. You definitely need to keep writing, because it’s clear you’re finding yourself through your own words. Please, please keep doing what you’re doing with writing and loving life. I’m sorry about your father, and I’m happy you seem to be working through the difficult aspects of life. I hope your day is good, and KEEP WRITING!!
With 😊, ❤️, and 🖋,
Rhymer
Reisen
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First of all, I see why you’re Queen of the Darklings…this is really good. And what a creepy ending! The flow is good, the title is apt, and I don’t know how I feel about Travis. I hate him, but I don’t want something bad to happen to him. Good job.
Technical Aspects:
I don’t really have any note here…I see this was created a while ago, and now I can’t wait to read more of your recent works. You’ve used puntuation and correctly, the feeling behind the story, that creepy “something’s gonna happen” feeling. And I love how you’ve put the last line in bold. It works here, and good for you for jumping on that!
Summary:
What a good and quick read! No wonder you won first for this. Good lord, the world definitely needs your voice and your stories. Your perception of things makes you a wonderful Queen of the Darklings. Please, please don’t ever stop with writing…you’re too good, and the world needs to hear your stories!!
With 😊, ❤️, and 🖋,
Rhymer
Reisen
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Wow! You have so much here to compliment. Thank you for the cool clues…two things are clear from your crossword: you’ve played them before, and you paid attention to the point integrating the previous lesson with the current one. You’ve worked hard on this, and though you’re still working on it, you’re on the right path! You got this! Awesome crossword!!
This was fun to play. The clues were concise, the answers are all there and easily accessible. You did a really good job on this, and I hope it was as fun to entertaining as it was to solve. It’s clear you spent time on this, and your effort is appreciated! Good job@
You sure know how to speak to a history buff and a nerd! What…a fun piece! And I still had to look some of them up! I don’t hate doing research and learning more, so that also gets you accolades. I’m sure I’m gonna forget some of this information new to me, but I will also take away some new facts. I hope this was as fun for you to make as it was to do! You’re good at this! Good job!
We are so young as a nation, and I like how this takes a more positive spin, unlike what we've done to ourselves creating division instead of “what stands before us”, as Gorman said at the inauguration. This is really good, much better than the normal “Be a Patriot” type works that seem to assault us at this time. Excellent job!!
Yay! This was fun, and you did a really good job. What a fun way to meet each other and proote one another! I hope you had as much fun creating this as I had filling it out, and I appreciate the clues about myself…I love them! Again, this was fun, and I can’t wait to see everyone else’s! I also like the way you listed our names at the beginning. That’s very cool and handy. Awesome!
With turning forty and having health issues, I’ve been drawn to these stories lately, those moments of reflection when we’re in between new chapters as we’re wondering what’s left in the book. Phrases such as “sky’s ebony drape” and “exuberant discovery”, you paint a picture of the beauty of the world and what reality is, even if it means we’re nearing the end. And to paint a picture of a care-free youth, the irony there being that when we’re young, we think things can’t be worse than they are now…brilliant.
Technical Aspects:
The title is perfect, and you use words that convey a mixture of both happiness and then sadness, and I’m left with a feeling of both. I don’t know if you intentionally layered this with metaphors or if I can find one in anything, but either way, you did an excellent job. And I can’t find any mistakes besides maybe every line being capitalized…but I don’t know enough about poetry to know if that’s intentional or just an accident…my iPad capitalizes the first line whether I want it to or not.
Summary:
I really like this piece. Maybe it speaks to me on a personal level, but I feel everyone could benefit from this. “And I would not hurry to my demise” is probably my favorite line, neither negative nor positive. You did a really good job here, and I can’t wait to peruse your port and read more. Please don’t stop writing - the world needs your voice!
With 😊, ❤️, and 🖋,
Rhymer
Reisen
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This piece is too cute! I like how Lando isn’t surprised by the talking hornet…I’m waiting for my animals to drop the facade any day now and start talking. I never thought about a conversation with a hornet…I’m usually dodging them on my way out. I like the idea of a threatening bug becoming somewhat likable, and Mizter Hornet is that.
Technical Aspects:
I can’t find grammatical errors, but you’re also genius when writing. I believe your experience and expertise far exceeds mine. I like the way you’ve written Zeke, with the z’s. I can’t get beyond the first chapter of “Gone with the Wind” because of the dialect of the slaves…it pulls me from the story, and it’s hard to put together. This is not that at all. And I love the line about how humans would lose their “ztuff” if confronted by a talking bug. I think if we pulled back some to get a little more of the story, there would be a complete arc, because there seems to be one in just the few words you’ve written, and I bow to that. You are undeniably born to write.
Summary:
I’m a huge fan of your work. I read this because of "An Earworm" by Beholden , and you did not disappoint. I don’t know how you aren’t published in every country in the world. You are brilliant, and you show that in this piece, especially considering how few words you use. You are a master at the flash stories, and I’m curious to read your longer works. You are an asset, and the world needs your voice, sir!
With 😊, ❤️, and 🖋,
Rhymer
Reisen
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What a cool story! I’ve never pushed my own limits to decide what kind of leader I’d be…I like where you went with this much more than what I could have done. I think it’s cool how you go from a stern tone back to the lighter “Don’t worry, I’m benevolent”. This is such a cute poem, and your brain is brilliant. And I love the line, “No one will not know the world is ruled by me, a girl.” Scream that one!
Technical Aspects:
It took me just a second to find the flow (because I’m not so aware of poetry like I should be - chalk it up to my lack of experience), but once I found the flow, it ran smoothly. And it felt right. There are a couple of lines where the sentences are long, where a comma would help, but I don’t ever know with poetry if punctuation is a conscious decision in artistry or if it may be a mistake. To be honest, when it comes to poetry, I’m more interested in the story. But there was nothing in this piece that took me from the story. I love it!
Summary:
I don’t know how to make this better…you’re pretty phenomenal along with the benevolence. The title, by the way, is apt, and you use the word “benevolence” at just the right times. This is fun to read, and I don’t think you know what genius lies in you. Please, girl, the world needs your voice!
With 😊, ❤️, and 🖋,
Rhymer
Reisen
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And yet, you did take a snapshot of your mind, and you did a really good job of it. Your words are well-chosen and used with precision and care. And at this point, I expect to love all your stories, all that you offer the world from your heart and mind. I have no words of betterment here, sorry.
Technical Aspects:
Punctuation seems perfect as I’d expect form your work, pure quality. THe flow feels good, and the subject matter stays with long after the piece has been read, that very transposition of which you speak seems to chase one throughout the day. Again, I wouldn’t know how to make this better.
Summary:
I’m sorry I can’t offer advice to make this better. Chalk it up to your experience or my lack thereof, but you’ve put the same amount of yourself into this piece that you do every time. Reviewing your work is always more fun than work, and you always offer something to be taken away on a deeper level. You have no idea what a treasure you are nor what your words do for the literary arts. No pressure, but please don’t ever stop!
With 😊, ❤️, and 🖋,
Rhymer
Reisen
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We hear so much about Jersey, and it’s definitely a favorite of mine when it comes to jokes, so I’m so glad I found this piece. The words you’ve chosen to describe the state and the inhabitants (not to mention those “tourists”) are apt. Good job!
Technical Aspects:
There isn’t a lot of punctuation, but I honestly don’t know enough about poetry to tell the difference when someone doesn’t use punctuation on purpose or accident. Either way, if it’s unintentional, these are easy fixes, and, for me, it doesn’t take me out of the story. No piece is ever complete or actually finished. The flow is good, and, again, I like the word usage.
Summary:
This is such a fun piece! The way you’ve captured Jersey, leaving that final line alone until the very end, that was awesome! I don’t know if I was supposed to or not, but it had me cracking up. Please keep doing this! The world needs your stories, especially if they’re like this! Great job!
With 😊, ❤️, and 🖋,
Rhymer
Reisen
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This is a well-written piece, and magic is always fun to explore. The point of this piece was driven home with an excellent Lewis Carroll. Unfortunately, you are correct in the idea that magic can’t happen unless the belief is there.
Technical Aspects:
The only issues I could find with this piece are little issues that can fixed with little to no problem at all. For one, be careful when starting a sentence with “And”…most times, it isn’t necessary to add. The word “that” (as in “he felt that the”) can be erased nine times out of ten without causing negative results in the writing. But these are little things that come with more and more experience. Good job on this!
Summary:
I love this piece. Without magic, the world is boring and dry. Too many people live without it while it stares them down. Your perspective is good, and you need to keep writing. The world needs your voice!
With 😊, ❤️, and 🖋,
Rhymer
Reisen
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This piece is well-written. Any mistakes or typos are at such a minimum, I can’t really find them. Some of your sentences tend to go on a little long, and I only know that because that’s something I do, as well. That being said, for me personally, I like the flow of this piece.
Story Aspects:
I really like this piece…it’s always fun to see how another writer deals with steps in their process. I love how your brain works, going from one aspect to another, searching for clues that might already be there. My brain doesn’t work that same way, so I’m intrigued. And the overall metaphor is clear to anyone looking. Good job!
Summary:
You worked this piece over, and your hard work shows. This is such a well-written piece, and I was surprised and saddened when it was over. I appreciate that your brain plays the “what if” game that yields such a productive result. You are already an asset to this site, and you should definitely continue writing. I can’t wait to see what else you create! Keep doing this, cause the world needs your stories!
With 😊, ❤️, and 🖋,
Rhymer
Reisen
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Either I’m too new to find mistakes here, or they just don’t exist. This is so well-written, and that’s appreciated very much!
Story Aspects:
It seems difficult to find a good horror story, especially as someone who’s been reading adult horror for thirty of forty years. This story is brilliant. It is exactly the type of horror I love, and I love how scared it made me through the night, especially when I would wake up and sing in my mind, “Lookin’ like a true survivor, feelin’ like a little kid”. In the middle of the night, my irrational mind took this story and ran with it, giving me not great sleep. I love it! This is a piece that I will study to understand what you did and how you did it. So…amazing!
Summary:
Easily one of my favorite stories on WDC, and anyone who misses this story is missing a really fun experience, especially in a world where we’re so desensitized to whatever our minds can come up with. This piece deserved its multiple Quill nominations, and regardless how it places, this is a winning story. Please, from a fan of horror, please keep doing this. You are vital to the world of magic!! Thank you, and congratulations on your nominations!
I read this piece days ago, and it apparently has stabbed my heart and emotions in a way I didn’t expect. I thought I knew where this poem was going from the very start, but it veered into a darker place. There are no technical issues as far as I could tell. The story gives me issues, but it seems to have none. “Don’t touch my roses” is such a beautiful and desperate line, respectful and understandable. The whole piece reads with this same ease, a flow of darker waters. And, though the end is uplifting, it’s still heartbreaking.
This is a beautiful piece, dark and full of love. Whatever you did to make this work, keep doing that thing. This is haunting, and I love that. This is why you should be writing…the world needs this poem, and it needs your voice!
There are a few points I think could be seen as accidents, especially with punctuation, but that’s the easiest thing to fix in any piece. And, it’s important to keep in mind that no piece is ever truly finished or perfect. To be honest, I don’t know enough about the structure of poetry to know if what you’ve done is intentional and part of the art. In any case, the fixes are easy.
Story Aspects:
Even at the age of forty, I can identify with this poem. Too young to be old, but too old to be young. What I’m learning about growing older, you’ve nailed in this piece. It’s each thing you’ve named, each condition, each experience that culminates into a human rising above in victory that will never be able to shake some of the more difficult experiences. It’s a good reminder that we’re all humans facing conflict, that love will ultimately make life easier, better. It’s difficult to find that balance of being appreciative for still being alive while trying not to feel bad for being exhausted. Good job!
Summary:
These types of works have been hurting my heart lately, in a good way, and this one falls under that description. You’ve captured what I know about this experience very well; it’s great enough to stir feelings of retrospect. For those of us considered “younger”, this is a perfect look into the future, a warning about what we aren’t told about growing older. And, as far as the punctuation, you could always get away with saying it’s a metaphor, because life isn’t over until it is. Thank you for creating and sharing this piece, and I look forward to reading more of your work! And, please, keep writing, cause the world needs your voice!
What a fun piece! I love how the two different worlds and times come together to beth decide we’re just screwed. The imagery is crisp, and I like the touches of the wood staff and the chair, how they’re symbolic of the gnarly wisdom of Anwylyd. Her understanding of the modern jargon in her own way is a great touch that pulled me from the page to think about how accurate this would, and I love it! “Tech-knowledgies” is how I think she’d see it in her head, or something very close to it, and that’s the point of the spelling, I believe. The meshing of the two worlds is great, and I hope there was wonderful fun in creating this aspect. The details make all the difference, and this piece has those specifics that make the story believable and real, to the point that I would be interested in reading an expanded version of this. It is apparent that fantasy is a niche for you, and I’m happy you fit there. And I love an ending that makes me think. This is a great piece, worth five stars!
It’s clear you’re learning English. And I have to say, you did a great job considering you’re only thirteen. You wrote an entire story in a second language; I can’t even write a scene in another language.
There are several issues with the format. For one, you go from narration to more of a script form. Also, we use specific punctuation to do certain things...to make it easier to tell when someone is speaking, we surround what’s being said with quotation marks. Like this:
“What? What is going on Emma?”
There are several issues like this in your story, but the more you read and write in the English, the more you’ll see and understand these little things. Even with these issues, you did a great job for your first story!
Story Aspects:
There are definite ways to improve the actual story, but then again, remembering you’re only 13, I think a lot of what may be missing from your story is actual experience coming with age. With that being said, when you learn to tap into emotion, when you learn to express deeper feelings and ideas, you’re looking at being unstoppable.
Summary:
Sure, there are issues with this story, but you’ll find the same issues with people who have speaking English their whole lives. What you have here is an excellent start and a very unique voice with stories the world needs to hear. Please keep writing. If you really want to be a writer, you have to write every chance you get. You’ll learn how to do what you love better. And you certainly need to keep writing! Please keep practicing, and keep voicing your ideas! The world needs your stories and your voice!
There are a couple of technical accidents, “your” instead of “you’re”, “cowards” instead of “coward’s”, but these are little issues, easy fixes. On top of that, it’s difficult to judge punctuation in poetry, difficult sometimes to tell if something is an accident or an intentional artistic choice.
Story Aspects:
This is so beautiful. I’m sorry for your loss, but you’ve taken something so painful and turned it into a beautiful warning to the rest of us, that who we are matters and what we do alters those around us. I love the juxtaposition of the “f*** you” and “I love you”...this is just beautiful.
Summary:
It’s clear you know how to pull emotion, and you do it really well. You did a great job of bringing to light aspects I’m not sure those who are hurting would consider before such an action. I’m sorry for your loss, and I hope you can find some sort of peace. Take care of yourself, okay? And, please, don’t stop creating!
There are a few technical issues pertaining to punctuation, but these are small and easy fixes. And to be honest, this piece is really good, to the point that the smaller technical issues aren’t hindering. And it’s difficult to decide in poetry what is an accident and what is intended.
Story Aspects:
This is an amazing story, one that should be an anthem. It hints at dark struggles, and the victory that comes after such struggles is very exciting. I think you nailed that aspect.
Summary:
This really is a great piece.
”so committed, i'm finna finish this”
”we are strong together”
”but that didn't matter like that song”
These are really good lines! I love how it’s saturated with darkness with the vision ahead of victory. You will always win! ;) Good job, and please don’t stop creating!!!
It seems as if there a few punctuation accidents, such as no comma in “Child, you should sleep”. But these issues are few and easily fixed.
Story Aspects:
This is one of my favorite things I’ve read today. It’s so good with that feeling of “creepy but satisfying”. And it feels good, the rhythm. This is such a good piece.
“ I saw a reddish-dark figure which appeared on the door,
opened eyes I did not keep.” This is a really good piece of imagery, one that makes me feel the panic of seeing the man. So good!
Summary:
Such a good piece of work! The imagery is great, and it lends a feeling of darkness that needs to be explored. This is an awesome piece! Please don’t stop creating!
~Rhymer
Reisen
😁❤️
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