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Review Requests: OFF
175 Public Reviews Given
Review Style
I will tell you what I liked and didn't like. My reviews may be blunt but never harsh, I can always see the passion and work you put in. My job is to help polish anything I see :)
I'm good at...
Descriptions, world building, poetry, perhaps plot structure? I'll point out anything that bothers me or sounds a little off. My style is about making writing and poetry flow and sound as natural as possible.
Favorite Genres
Horror, Mystery, Sci-Fi, Poetry and anything Gothic.
Least Favorite Genres
I don't have any least favorites because if it's well written you can make a believer out of me. Except Romance. *blech*
Favorite Item Types
Anything and everythaaaang
Least Favorite Item Types
Hm. I'll get back to you on this.
I will not review...
There is nothing I won't review, but I'm sure time will change that haha.
Public Reviews
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76
76
Review by Ray Scrivener
Rated: E | (4.0)
The rich visuals make this piece come alive, I can picture the proud kings and their empires crumbling as Death makes equals of us all.

My favorite stanza was:

They're the ones who were feared;
Who wore golden crowns and flowing beard,
Sat on stone-studded thrones
And fought with armour covering their bones,

My only issue was that some lines are overly verbose, making them sound a little stilted. It is hard to rhyme and create a natural sounding sentence, I struggle with it daily! Sometimes removing extra words can aid the flow, making tighter lines. I find that matching the syllables can cut down any extra words. I have an example below.

Alas! Emperor or King must one day die 11
When breath from the breast doth fly, 7
Like all common clay each one lies, 8
Never again from the grave to rise, 9

Alas! Kings must one day die 7
When warm breath from breast doth fly 7
Common clay, each emperor lies 8
Never from the grave to rise 7


As you see, most lines are the same but I cheated a little with the word emperor.

I am still learning and have no background in classical poetry so feel free to take what I say with a grain of salt.

I really enjoy reading your works and hope to see more in the future!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
77
77
Review of BRYAN  
Review by Ray Scrivener
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
I enjoyed this story immensely! From witty narration to chilling monologues, this quite the fascinating tale of a hitchhiker who wandered a little too far.

I really liked your descriptions, detailed but not to the point where the action crawls to a stop. Bryan himself was a complex and pitiful creature, not to mention unpredictable. The twist at the end really elevated this story! I would call this a horror comedy, well balanced in tone.

You have a great writing style! I look forward to seeing more :)
78
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Review of Oh  
Review by Ray Scrivener
Rated: E | (4.0)
This is another great piece, I really enjoy your style!

I loved the line "the desert of your heart", it's an interesting contrast when most people would describe someone as cold or even frozen.

Great job :)
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79
Review of Maybe  
Review by Ray Scrivener
Rated: E | (5.0)
I think that this is my favorite one so far! It has a nice flow to it. The part about "constellations across my face" is very original and descriptive. I enjoyed this poem a lot!

Keep writing :) and don't doubt yourself!




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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80
Review of Myths of Yndyre  
Review by Ray Scrivener
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
This reminded me of both the Greek pantheon and the Silmarillion as I was reading through it. The grand scope of the mythology is intriguing, there are so many stories that could come out of this!

I liked the concept of gods each creating their version of man, but I can see how this will turn ugly as they compete to show who is the superior creation.

Overall, very interesting world building! I will have to return to see how the Gods are faring in this newly born world of theirs.
81
81
Review of Red  
Review by Ray Scrivener
Rated: E | (4.0)
Great visuals! I like the descriptive language you use, it's lush and vivid.

There is a lot of emotion in here that you have conveyed effectively.

My only issue is the way your poem is formatted. It reads like one paragraph instead of separate lines or stanzas. Unless this was intentional?

Regardless, this was a excellent start! I hope to see more of your work on here :)
82
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Review of My Turtle  
Review by Ray Scrivener
Rated: E | (4.5)
This poem has a great bouncy rhythm to it, a cheerfulness that is contrasted by the story of a carnivorous turtle!

Great job making the lines flow smoothly.

My only issues are the first stanza where you start three lines with "He", maybe you could use a different word to make it sound a little less jarring?


My turtle ate my hand today
And seemed to like it too.
He snacked on fingers yesterday
But five are just too few.

Just some thoughts! I look forward to reading more of your poems, you have a great style. :)
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Review of No Title Yet  
Review by Ray Scrivener
Rated: E | (4.0)
Interesting so far, it raises a lot of questions such as what exactly happened at Chelsea, and why is Jen unable to read English? Are they on the run from something?

My only advice is that there needs to be a stronger hook, something to show readers there is something looming on the horizon. You have plenty of foreshadowing but it wouldn't hurt to throw some juicy bits in there!

I feel like it ended too short, like Jen I want to know what is happening in the story!

Keep writing! :)
84
84
Review by Ray Scrivener
Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)
I could definitely see this as a children's book, but some of the references would fly over lots of little heads haha. Cecil had me cracking up, as did Prince when he started singing "Purple Rain."

The interactions between bears was my favorite part, especially when they were all arguing with each other! Thank you for brightening up my day, this was unexpectedly delightful.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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