|The rich visuals make this piece come alive, I can picture the proud kings and their empires crumbling as Death makes equals of us all.
My favorite stanza was:
They're the ones who were feared;
Who wore golden crowns and flowing beard,
Sat on stone-studded thrones
And fought with armour covering their bones,
My only issue was that some lines are overly verbose, making them sound a little stilted. It is hard to rhyme and create a natural sounding sentence, I struggle with it daily! Sometimes removing extra words can aid the flow, making tighter lines. I find that matching the syllables can cut down any extra words. I have an example below.
Alas! Emperor or King must one day die 11
When breath from the breast doth fly, 7
Like all common clay each one lies, 8
Never again from the grave to rise, 9
Alas! Kings must one day die 7
When warm breath from breast doth fly 7
Common clay, each emperor lies 8
Never from the grave to rise 7
As you see, most lines are the same but I cheated a little with the word emperor.
I am still learning and have no background in classical poetry so feel free to take what I say with a grain of salt.
I really enjoy reading your works and hope to see more in the future!