I enjoyed reading your story.
I am no expert and what's following is my humble review which you may choose to ignore.
First of all,
If you enjoy writing and reading, you have landed on the right planet...
Why I chose this item:
It was a random pick and found it listed on the home page. The tagline was interesting.
My favorites parts:
The best part is the plot of the story. It has a lot of potential in it.
The characters are in need of definition. Each of them need dimensions and a proper introduction. No one knows who Blondie is or who Aunt Millie is. Only you do. So introduce them to us. Show us how they look, how old they are, their strengths, what other qualities they posses. Even their weaknesses are a part of their characters. That's what make them three dimensional.
You say Blondie is a baby witch, yet she phones her friends to go out with; confusing.
The plot is good, really, unconventional in a way. Witches generally want more power, for good or bad. So this little piece can be transformed into something really great. It needs some background, some drama and spice. You said Blondie looked over her shoulder and .... Where was she? Why was she there? What meeting it was... Describe. Draw the reader into the world of your witches.
The most important thing the piece is missing is that setting. You must have had a picture in your mind, all you need to do is put in on paper. Show us the surrounding, tell us where we are.
You have that capacity. Your flow is fluid and easy to read on. You have suspense, a little only but you can build up on it.
The other thing this is missing are the dialogues. Along with dialogues you have the opportunity to express the characters' inner feelings too. That would attach the reader with the characters.
The ending was positive. It could have ended on a more dramatic note.
Overall it looked like a summary instead of a full grown story. If you can work on it, it will turn into a wonderful fantasy story.
A few Typos:
None that I noticed. Good Proof reading.
Keep up the good work...
With lots of
Rima ~ Irregular in WDC
Happy Writing !!!
A "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" SuperPower... Review