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238 Public Reviews Given
238 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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26
26
Review of Mary's Lucky Day  
Review by Rima...
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)
Hello Carol,

I enjoyed reading your story.
I am no expert and what's following is my humble review which you may choose to ignore. *Angelic*



*WaterDrop* Why I chose this item:
This is a part of Angel Army June Challenge. The title seemed interesting and the tagline was intriguing.

*DropY* My favorites parts:
I liked the way the Leprechaun put the much needed positive energy into Mary. A few words of encouragement and the assurance that one is not alone in the battle of life works miracles.

*DropB* Characters:
Mary: A courageous young woman who faces life's difficulties head on. She seemed to be a single mother, a difficult task all by itself. She is not egoistic by practical. She also cares and think about others.

*DropO* StoryLine/Plot :
The story traveled on a straight line without much twists or turnings. It went into the main part right from the beginning. In very few words you are able to give us a glimpse of Mary's past. You told us why was Mary in a situation she is now.

*DropR* Action/Flow :
The flow was smooth. Most of the action took part in dialogue which is the main part of the story.

*DropV* Ending:
The story ended in a positive note. The Leprechaun didn't get her an easy solution but boasted her confidence. Its kind of a moral that whatever good you get, you need to earn it.

*DropG* Overall impression:
Overall it was a good read with some positive message.

*Drop* A few Typos:
None that I noticed.


** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
*Shield1* Rima...
Happy Writing *Quill* !!!
*Wand* A "The WDC Angel Army Angelilc review... *Wand*

27
27
Review by Rima...
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello ,

I enjoyed reading your story.
I am no expert and what's following is my humble review which you may choose to ignore. *Angelic*


First of all,
*GreetR* WELCOME *GreetL*
to WDC


If you enjoy writing and reading, you have landed on the right planet... *Earth* *BigSmile*

*WaterDrop* Why I chose this item:
It was listed in the Please Review Page. The tag line seemed interesting and so did the request comment.

*DropY* My favorites parts:
FIRST AND FOREMOST: PLEASE increase the font-size. It hurts the eyes to read at the current size.
Now....
I liked the part where Calpol was chasing the monster. The shrink and the chickens fighting over the shrunken monster and his final demise was tickling.

*DropB* Characters:
Calpol: An agent of RACC who knows his job and how to tackle situation. He is resourceful and thinks of his feet.
Grendon: A simple minded created, huge but harmless. He didn't want to hurt any one otherwise he wouldn't have picked up the farmer from the water.

Both the characters need development. Though its not possible in short stories but a little is needed to create a three dimension character come out of the page.

One Question: What's RACC. RAC is Relocated Aliens Community...

*DropO* StoryLine/Plot :
The story line was straight without branching out but somewhere I felt like it has some more explaining to do. Like flashbacks as who the Grendon is how he got here on Earth. The first part seemed a little hazed and incomprehensible until I had read the story till the end. I came back and re-read it again.

*DropR* Action/Flow :
The story started with action scene setting the pace. Then it slowed down to gather itself and then accelerated ahead to a fantastic level. It had speed and thrill mixed with fun and laughter. Rare combination.

*DropV* Ending:
The ending was unexpected. It leaves the reader guessing on the outcome. Here is a fine point to continue it to a next chapter.

*DropG* Overall impression:
Overall I liked reading the story and your way of writing. It very fluent and with well chosen words.

*Drop* A few Typos:
Look out for the punctuation. There are many. One example:
thirteen days," said Calpol.
No one, that's who
etc....

Please increase the font size and double space your paragraphs. It helps in reading and even diving the scenes from one another.

I am looking forward to reading more of your creations...Enjoyed this one...
Do get back if you need any help...
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
*Shield1* Rima...
Happy Writing *Quill* !!!
*Wand* A "The WDC Angel Army Angelilc review... *Wand*

28
28
Review of The Homecoming  
Review by Rima...
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello Meduf,

I enjoyed reading your story.
I am no expert and what's following is my humble review which you may choose to ignore. *Angelic*


First of all,
*Star* CONGRATULATIONS *Star*
On Turning YELLOW
*ConfettiG* *Salute* *Heart* *ConfettiB*



*WaterDrop* Why I chose this item:
I just wanted to congratulate you and couldn't think of a better way of doing so other than by reading and reviewing one of your creations...


*DropY* My favorites parts:
I liked the way you have handled the scientific stuffs. It sounded so real and as if they exist. The names and the terminology were apt and well thought of.


*DropB* Characters:
Commander/I: I am not sure if the narrator is a man or a woman, but he [speaking generally] had patience and courage filled to the brim. He was cool under the pressure and had a calm mind to lead his team in distress.
Team members: The team is a collection of some well trained and capable experts who know their jobs and can perform under pressure.

*DropO* StoryLine/Plot :
This is the biggest point in this piece. The story line, though straight, was neatly woven. It explained the situation in few words and grasped the reader into the story right from the beginning. No questions were left unanswered hence making it a complete piece.
The plot was well laid out and written with patience.

*DropR* Action/Flow :
The action was in the words that gave the piece a vivid image. The story was packed with suspense and thrill without having people running about.

*DropV* Ending:
The ending was the climax where the reader finally gets to breathe. I am certain most of them [the readers, I mean], if not all, had been chewing on their nails till Mark discovered Ambrosia behind him.

*DropG* Overall impression:
It was thoroughly planned and well executed price that did a wonderful job of awing this reader. Keep up the good work.

*Drop* A few Typos:
None that I could find...


** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
*Moon**Fairy2* RimaD
Happy Writing *Quill* !!!
*BurstBL* A "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group power review... *BurstBL*

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29
29
Review of Bardstown Mystery  
Review by Rima...
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello ,

I enjoyed reading your story.
I am no expert and what's following is my humble review which you may choose to ignore. *Angelic*


First of all,
*Star* CONGRATULATIONS *Star*
On Turning YELLOW
*ConfettiG* *Salute* *Heart* *ConfettiB*



*WaterDrop* Why I chose this item:
I just wanted to congratulate you and couldn't think of a better way of doing so other than by reading and reviewing one of your creations...


*DropY* My favorites parts:
I liked the mystery that you have created here with a dug up gun and box full of cash. Then the revealing of other items slowly builds up the mystery.


*DropB* Characters:
Detective Hall: Appears to be an honest officer who has his mind of everything. Even under the work pressure and all the excitement he remembered his promise made to his wife.
Sergeant Carroll: Hall's right hand it seemed.

*DropO* StoryLine/Plot :
The story seemed to be just developing. It has so many mystery elements in it. Suspense could be easily made and held till the end. I felt the story was cut off real soon.

*DropR* Action/Flow :
The action is yet to begin. Its not there it. Only the plot is laid out for it. May be there would be a chase sequence when the go to catch Jake. May be he would be innocent. May be Elmer himself did something or may be his neighbor did. [Just My Thoughts].

*DropV* Ending:
The ending seemed incomplete. It was like walking down the road and stop right the bend. Well, I don't know if there was word limit.

*DropG* Overall impression:
Overall I feel it has potential for a fullblown mystery novel.


*Drop* A few Typos:
None that I noticed...

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
*Moon**Fairy2* RimaD
Happy Writing *Quill* !!!
*BurstBL* A "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group power review... *BurstBL*

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30
30
Review of Oink, Oink!  
Review by Rima...
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello ,

I enjoyed reading your story.
I am no expert and what's following is my humble review which you may choose to ignore. *Angelic*



*WaterDrop* Why I chose this item:
I was going through the writer cramp's entries and found this one. Saw your name and started reading. Your writings in nonsense genre always makes me feel better.


*DropY* My favorites parts:
The best part is where you describe the Piggy. Its funny but to the point. Actually how you described him made it funny.


*DropB* Characters:
Pigga Donna: The name itself tickles the funny bone. Then he has super powers. That's a bonus. He is strong pig with strong resolution. He is quick on his feet and doesn't give in easily.

*DropO* StoryLine/Plot :
The story line was simple but fascinating. The plot had it uniqueness that kept the suspense alive till the end for at every other line there was something new. Like a pig with super power, then came the power to flight, then the unicorns in the cloud. Who would have thought of that.

*DropR* Action/Flow :
The story had no hiccups. It was smooth with its share of twists and turns.

*DropV* Ending:
The ending was the highlight of the piece. Pigga Donna had nasty tricks up his sleeves.

*DropG* Overall impression:
I liked reading the piece. It was funny and refreshing...


*Drop* A few Typos:
Tiny thingys...
chinie-chin-chin. in fact: In fact...
burst in to laughter: into laughter
and fell in to the mud: into the mud
high in to the clouds: into the

Loved the party hat...

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
*Shield1* Rima...
Happy Writing *Quill* !!!
*BurstB* A "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group Super Power review... *BurstB*

31
31
Review by Rima...
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello Gene,

I enjoyed reading your story.
I am no expert and what's following is my humble review which you may choose to ignore. *Angelic*


First of all,
*GreetR* WELCOME *GreetL*
to WDC


If you enjoy writing and reading, you have landed on the right planet... *Earth* *BigSmile*


*WaterDrop* Why I chose this item:
It was a random selection. The name sounded interesting.

*DropY* My favorites parts:
I liked the the story overall. There are places where things were really good.

*DropB* Characters:
Kelko: Appears to be the hero, so far. He seems determined in his purpose.
Warwick: The antagonist may be. A strong willed man and can go any distance to fulfill his desires.

*DropO* StoryLine/Plot :
The story or the plot is yet to pick up pace. It just the beginning. Though you started with a chase sequence but it lacked the speed and the thrill. Its a different world and the reader is not accustomed with it. You need to describe it further. Moreover, these kind of compositions need drama and thrill. Since its a prologue it is the perfect place where you capture your reader's interest and draw him into your world. Then from chapter one you can slow down and build up your world little by little.

*DropR* Action/Flow :
The story opened into a action scene where Kelko was being chased by Warwick. Its an intense scene. Kelko must be heaving heavily from all the toil. He must be sweating, out of breath. The forest was an obstacle in his way. But the reader don't get that picture. The opening was flat [what I felt] not thrilling or exciting. Use Action words and crisp statements, show the character's physical condition, let us hear his surrounding, let us feel what he is feeling.

Keep things firm and active in the beginning.


*DropV* Ending:
The piece ends with a surprise. There are a lot of questions in the readers' mind by now and wants to read on.

*DropG* Overall impression:
Overall the story is interesting and has HUGE potential to transform into a fantastic novel. There are materials for more. All you need to do is SHOW and NOT TELL... Describe, describe, describe. Show us what the character sees, what he hears, how he feels, smell or even tastes. Everything together would bring the environment and the character out of the page.


*Drop* A few Typos:
None that I could find.

Do work on it and add more chapters. Looking forward to reading more of it. Get back if you need help *Smile*


With lots of *Heart*
*Shield1*Rima...


Happy Writing *Quill* !!!
*BurstB* A "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group SuperPower... Review *BurstB*

32
32
Review by Rima...
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hello River,

I enjoyed reading your story.
I am no expert and what's following is my humble review which you may choose to ignore. *Angelic*



*WaterDrop* Why I chose this item:
I was thinking of participating in this contest myself and while browsing found your entry. After reading it I felt I should let you know my feelings about it.


*DropY* My favorites parts:
That would be where Damian dreams about meeting his girl. It was a warm and beautiful thought carefully hiding the upcoming danger.


*DropB* Characters:
Damian: A man in love who is ready to return to his girl after so many years.
Medusa: Though she had suddenly changed but she seemed to care about Damian. She didn't want him to turn to stone.

*DropO* StoryLine/Plot :
The storyline was simple and straightforward. It didn't turn or twist too much. With a purposive start it climbed the pick where it ended.

*DropR* Action/Flow :
The story flowed swiftly and fast. The character had a purpose in his mind and he took measures to fulfill it.

What I felt is that the story could use a little more drama and action. May be some flashback from Damian's past acquaintance with Medusa, their romance and courtship. Something must have been different then. What changed Medusa?
Then you may like to share his thoughts on finding so many marvelous statues on the beach. May be one of the faces was known to him. Imagine finding a known person's statue who went missing and believed dead? [just my thoughts *BigSmile*]

*DropV* Ending:
Owing to the prompt the end was expected but otherwise it would come as a shock.

*DropG* Overall impression:
A few more detailing, a little more action would have taken this piece to another level. Given the wordlimit you still had near about 700 words to play with.


*Drop* A few Typos:
The opening line started like As Damian's small private jet so a ',' is expected instead of a '.' at of Sarpedon. He. Otherwise ommit 'As' at the beginning. I think the first option would be better but you are the best judge. *Smile*
sailing, windsurfing. and: no '.' but a ','
he/she : he or she would look better.

That's all from me

It was thrilling reviewing my review mentor though... *Laugh*

*Shield1* Rima...
Happy Writing *Quill* !!!
*BurstB* A "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group Super Power review... *BurstB*

33
33
Review by Rima...
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello ,

I enjoyed reading your story.
I am no expert and what's following is my humble review which you may choose to ignore. *Angelic*


First of all,
*GreetR* WELCOME *GreetL*
to WDC


If you enjoy writing and reading, you have landed on the right planet... *Earth* *BigSmile*


*WaterDrop* Why I chose this item:
It was a random selection but the name and the tag line caught my attention. And the length of the piece too. *Smile*


*DropY* My favorites parts:
The story is too short to have parts but I liked it overall. The first line is a good one though.


*DropB* Characters:
The narrator whose real name is not important seemed to be a capable detective who has solved 99 cases and is at the verge of solving the 100th. But now he seems to be distracted.
Would like to know something about Dave too.

*DropO* StoryLine/Plot :
It had a smooth flow with some suspense and little twist too.

*DropR* Action/Flow :
There was no hiccups. And the story was going like any mystery or detective story might go. The narrator laid out his thoughts on crime and criminals and at the end leaves the case?
And what do those {ep:1} etc at the end of each paragraph meant? Episodes? Dunno.

*DropV* Ending:
The ending suggests that more of it is to come. Why did he leave the room? What had he forgotten? Did he get the right man or woman? Questions that are expected to be answered in next chapters.

*DropG* Overall impression:
Overall it was a fun read. You did the right thing in choosing one of the genre as nonsense since that's what this piece mostly is and that's what has made it readable. *BigSmile*
One thing: There is too much repetation of the word 'something' in the last paragraph.


*Drop* A few Typos:
Just one:
What more could want? : could one want?


Keep Up the GOOD Work...
With lots of *Heart*
*Shield1*Rima...


Happy Writing *Quill* !!!
*BurstB* A "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group SuperPower... Review *BurstB*

34
34
Review by Rima...
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello ,

I enjoyed reading your story.
I am no expert and what's following is my humble review which you may choose to ignore. *Angelic*


First of all,
*GreetR* WELCOME *GreetL*
to WDC


If you enjoy writing and reading, you have landed on the right planet... *Earth* *BigSmile*


*WaterDrop* Why I chose this item:
It was a random selection but the name was intriguing. One point here. The word 'system' after belief in the tag line is not necessary.
'A man's lifelong belief is challenged by a strange encounter.' would be fine.

*DropY* My favorites parts:
The end. The last line to be specific. Not because of what it said but the way you have said it. Its beautiful and smooth. It packs quite a punch too.

*DropB* Characters:
The protagonist, as you have mentioned, is a scientific man. So the deal made in the cafe didn't really settle in his mind till its was too late.

*DropO* StoryLine/Plot :
The story had a unique feel in it. I admit I was a bit confused in the beginning. It came together at the end. The plot was captivating and intense. It had suspense in it. The story unfolded little by little and that held the reader's attention to the last word.

*DropR* Action/Flow :
The story flowed flawlessly. The transition made from present to past and back to present was smooth.

*DropV* Ending:
The ending is the highlight of the piece. It was strong and somehow positive. May be he would be in peace with himself now. Just one question: Why the 'heart shaped pool of blood'?

*DropG* Overall impression:
I liked reading your story. Thanks for sharing.


*Drop* A few Typos:
None that I could find.


With lots of *Heart*
*Shield1*Rima...


Happy Writing *Quill* !!!
*BurstB* A "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group SuperPower... Review *BurstB*

35
35
Review of A First Date  
Review by Rima...
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello Ryan,

I enjoyed reading your story.
I am no expert and what's following is my humble review which you may choose to ignore. *Angelic*


First of all,
*GreetR* WELCOME *GreetL*
to WDC


If you enjoy writing and reading, you have landed on the right planet... *Earth* *BigSmile*


*WaterDrop* Why I chose this item:
It was a random pick and the name first date poked my interest.


*DropY* My favorites parts:
I liked the story overall. The end was sweet and positive.


*DropB* Characters:
The characters were simple and real. They looked like men from real life to which a reader can relate to.

*DropO* StoryLine/Plot :
The story went smoothly without any glitches. There is one point I want to clarify. Who's the narrator? The story started with the line 'When Jane and I had our first date...' but the when Mrs. Faulk asked about dinner Sean answered and the 'I' vanished. Then it was Sean all over. Please take care of the point of view [POV].

*DropR* Action/Flow :
The story didn't have much action in it. It had a simple straight forward plot without any twist. But the conversation was interesting and that held the readers' concentration. One thing I would like to ask: Krystal said that Mr. Faulk had made a difference in him? Why? Was there anything troubling him?

*DropV* Ending:
The end was cute and I like the positive note that came with it.

*DropG* Overall impression:
Overall I enjoyed reading it.


*Drop* A few Typos:

None that I could find...

With lots of *Heart*
*Shield1*Rima...


Happy Writing *Quill* !!!
*BurstB* A "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group SuperPower... Review *BurstB*

36
36
Review by Rima...
Rated: E | (4.0)
Lovely... Can't say more...

"He stiffened for a second at the unexpected gesture. And then relaxed, leaning into my head, giving in to the feeling."
This was the best of all...

And the last few lines are the ones that touch the heart...

God Bless you BOTH...
37
37
Review of Bluetooth Blues  
Review by Rima...
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | N/A (Review only item.)
Hello ,

I enjoyed reading your story.
I am no expert and what's following is my humble review which you may choose to ignore. *Angelic*



*WaterDrop* Why I chose this item:
It was a random selection and boy am I happy that I did select it.


*DropY* My favorites parts:
The ending. It had to be. It was not only surprising but funny too. Ribbons were well deserved.


*DropB* Characters:
Chris: He appeared to be a shy person with more knowledge of Geometry than girls. It turned out that he was eyeing the wrong girl. He seemed a simple guy with a simple mind. But he was thoughtful. Even in his hurry to win Roxanne, he didn't ignore Lynda.
Lynda: She turned out to be smarter that she pulled off what he failed to do.

*DropO* StoryLine/Plot :
The story was simple and straight with not plot twist until the end. But it had its share of suspense and that helped to keep up the interest till the end.

*DropR* Action/Flow :
The story flowed without any hiccups. The scenes could be related to and it felt real enough.

*DropV* Ending:
The ending is the Highlight of the piece. Without it the story would have fell flat. It not only made me laugh but lifted my mood too. At least Chris and Lynda had something in common.

*DropG* Overall impression:
Funny, full of laughter and a healthy read... *BigSmile* ... Chris's screen name is also hilarious [no offence meant]



*Drop* A few Typos:
None that I could Spot



*Shield1* Rima...
Happy Writing *Quill* !!!
*BurstBL* A "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group Super Power review... *BurstBL*

38
38
Review by Rima...
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Miller,

I enjoyed reading your story.
I am no expert and what's following is my humble review which you may choose to ignore. *Angelic*



*WaterDrop* Why I chose this item:
It was a random selection but the name was funny and so was the tag line. I am glad I chose it.

*DropY* My favorites parts:
My favorite parts are Mr. Wolf's reaction about old women after he had faced that apparent witch. I also like the beauty of the story.


*DropB* Characters:
Mr. Wolf: He is not what a wolf is expected to be. He loves mushrooms and is very possessive about it.
Mr. Rabbit: A caring soul. He felt sorry that he couldn't accompany his friend to picking mushrooms. He was scared just by thinking about his sister's ten children but yet he had agreed to help her out in need. He cares.

*DropO* StoryLine/Plot :
The plot was funny and story line simple. It is perfect for children and with illustrations it would be excellent.

*DropR* Action/Flow :
Your story flowed with ease and carried the reader along with it. The place where the witch appeared and her encounter with Mr. Wolf was beautiful. It was funny and made me laugh. The spell was magical. *Rolling*

*DropV* Ending:
The ending was positive and had a moral. [Think before you speak when you are angry. So very true.]


*DropG* Overall impression:
This is a fabulous piece for children and extremely funny. I enjoyed reading it.

*Drop* A few Typos:
None that I could find.



*Shield1* Rima...
Happy Writing *Quill* !!!
*BurstBL* A "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group Super Power review... *BurstBL*

39
39
Review by Rima...
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hello Hannah,

I enjoyed reading your story.
I am no expert and what's following is my humble review which you may choose to ignore. *Angelic*


First of all,
*GreetR* WELCOME *GreetL*
to WDC


If you enjoy writing and reading, you have landed on the right planet... *Earth* *BigSmile*


*WaterDrop* Why I chose this item:
It was a random selection but the Name and the tag woke my interest.


*DropY* My favorites parts:
I liked the overall imagination you have put here creating the various characters. You have action in your story and a purpose which is very essential for any story, especially a novel.


*DropB* Characters:
There are many characters in your piece.
The Wanderer: I like the name. Its mysterious yet free. But the character is yet to develop. He needs drama and style in him. Give him grace and beauty that makes people love and fear him at the same time. You have used it like 'the wanderer' Since its a name use it like 'the Wanderer'
Archer: A young boy but age not really known. He has a past with his father. We don't know much about him, but I presume that you plan to explain him in the following chapters.
Jager: The bad guy. A king who is the menace himself.

*DropO* StoryLine/Plot :
For far your story line had been simple. It didn't get too much twists. One thing I failed to understand is when did the soldiers start chasing Archer? There was no mention of them following him till the ten soldiers were after him.
The story went quite predictably from there.

*DropR* Action/Flow :
I believe this is going to be a novel. So you might want to reveal your characters in later chapters but still a little about the whole situation is needed in the first one. To begin with we don't know where the story is taking place, name of the place etc. The time when all these things are happening. All we know about the characters are their names. Its better to introduce them to the readers so that the reader can picture them in their mind. That helps to pull them into your world.

The narration is too simple and straightforward for a fantasy or adventure story. It needs more drama and more showing than telling. The opening scene [in my personal opinion] fell flat. The man was describing the protagonist. It needed more powerful words, more vivid description.


*DropV* Ending:
The end was positive though its just a continuation to the next chapter.

*DropG* Overall impression:
It has potential to grow into an excellent fantasy novel. All you got to do is weave a world and open it up to us so that we can be a part of it.

*Drop* A few Typos:
the wanderer was stood before: the wanderer was standing OR the wanderer stood ...
You can’t find hide forever: can’t find hide ...
The soldiers had surrounded: No need of had..
time and time again,: and time again
Jager was sat, drumming : Jager was sat OR Jager was satting
He felt war blood trickling: felt warm blood [try 'He could feel warm blood tickling down his back]
Jager screaming to his shoulders Jager screaming yelling to at his shoulders soldiers
it was the dark figure from the inn: from the inn ? or the Forest? *Confused*
*BigSmile*

Keep up the GOOD work....

*Shield1* Rima...
Happy Writing *Quill* !!!
*BurstBL* A "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group Super Power review... *BurstBL*

40
40
Review of A Window Opens  
Review by Rima...
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (3.5)
Hello Neva,


I enjoyed reading your story.
I am no expert and what's following is my humble review which you may choose to ignore. *Angelic*


*DropB*
The story came as a random selection but I am glad it did. I liked the name and the tag line woke up my interest.

*DropG*
I liked the protagonist's positive outlook on a difficult problem. Her clam and cool attitude won my heart. A calm mind can overcome a lot of difficulties and prevent awkward situations.

*DropO*
In this short piece you didn't go deep into describing the characters, yet Louise came out of the page. Her past was also touched with and was done very tactfully. Even her husband's character was touched upon. He might have had troubled with his wife, but he still loves his daughter.

*DropP*
Two points.
Louise picks up Nora's phone. Nora asks "How many boxes...." and Louise says thank you. -- I missed the point here.
Please, give Lena my love -- is a ',' necessary after please?

*DropR*
I like the positive ending of the story.

Keep up writing...

With lots of *Heart*
*Shield1*Rima...


Happy Writing *Quill* !!!
*BurstB* A "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group SuperPower... Review *BurstB*
41
41
Review of Side Trip  
Review by Rima...
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (3.5)
Hello Elisa,


I enjoyed reading your story.
I am no expert and what's following is my humble review which you may choose to ignore. *Angelic*


*DropB*
Its was a random selection but I am happy that I read it. I see its a very old piece but I'll still review it.

*DropG*
Your story has a very soothing feeling to it. Its about teenagers and their way of spending time so man years ago feels refreshing. You have brought out the simplicity of the subject very well in this piece.

*DropO*
The characters seem to be from your past though I don't know if its a true event. You have touched upon their behavioral traits which helped in understanding their actions. Like you said that Phil was the youngest and so you and Adam often conspired against him. It revives readers' memories from their own childhood.

*DropP*
The way of your narration is simple and free flowing. It quite easy to go with the flow without stopping to grasp the meaning. I enjoyed your piece. Thanks for sharing it...


Keep up the good work...

With lots of *Heart*
*Shield1*Rima...


Happy Writing *Quill* !!!
*BurstB* A "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group SuperPower... Review *BurstB*
42
42
Review of Part 2: Needed  
Review by Rima...
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hello Rider,

First of all...

*GreetR* WELCOME TO WDC...*GreetL*
If you like to read and write then you have landed on the right planet *Earth*


I enjoyed reading your story.
I am no expert and what's following is my humble review which you may choose to ignore. *Angelic*


*DropB*
It was a random selection and being a short story I decided to read it. Glad I did.

*DropG*
Your style of writing is simple and quite straight forward. May be you could use a little bit of showing by describing the surroundings your characters are in. The scenes didn't really set up in a readers mind.

*DropV*
Even when you are at the beginning of a great piece it good to create an atmosphere of suspense and mystery to keep the reader hooked to the piece.

*DropO*
About the characters... You have not described your characters[I have read the part 1]. There are a lot of them and all we know about them are the names. For a character to come alive it required to have a physical description too. You can show their traits as the story progresses.

*DropP*
Its important to pay attention to punctuation. Use a new line for a new dialogue. Double spacing between paragraphs is good. One more thing. When putting one part in one item its necessary to provide links for the reader to navigate to the other parts. Put a link of the preceding and following parts at the beginning and the end of the piece.

*DropR*
Since its just starting it has not picked up pace. But it has the material to transform into a great novel.

Keep up writing...

With lots of *Heart*
*Shield1*Rima...


Happy Writing *Quill* !!!
*BurstB* A "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group SuperPower... Review *BurstB*
43
43
Review by Rima...
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello Brom21,

First of all...


I enjoyed reading your story.
I am no expert and what's following is my humble review which you may choose to ignore. *Angelic*


*DropB*
I was just visiting the Writer's Cramp and found your winning entry. CONGRATULATIONS ... The tag line sounded interesting and since it was a small story it drew my attention.

*DropG*
What I liked most is the way you have woven the story. In such a short piece you have successfully managed to create suspense and mystery at the same time. It kept me captivated till the end.

*DropO*
You haven't shed much lights on describing the characters which is okay but a little description on the Cathedral itself could have been helpful. Is it beautiful that draws people in or is it ghostly looking that intrigues people to have a look inside. [Just my humble suggestion]

*DropP*
Give the piece a second look for punctuation flaws. Just a few minute ones are there.


Keep up writing...

With lots of *Heart*
*Shield1*Rima...


Happy Writing *Quill* !!!
*BurstB* A "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group SuperPower... Review *BurstB*
44
44
Review of Lady Jayne  
Review by Rima...
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hello Jeff,

Hello Ersa,


I enjoyed reading your story.
I am no expert and what's following is my humble review which you may choose to ignore. *Angelic*


*DropB*
It was a random selection But the tag line made me curious... It suits your piece well... Its not what it seemed...


*DropG*
First of all... I am a bit confused. Is the story written in first person or third? You can use only one point of view in a story unless the piece demands otherwise. Here you started the narration in first person and then in a matter a statement changed to third.


*DropO*
The characters needed some more polishing, specially the lady. The male character too needs to brought out. They needed some showing, some definitions so that readers could feel them as real.

*DropP*
Now the MOST important question. Who is Lady Jayne and why is that the name of the story? I have failed to understand that.


*DropR*
Your style of writing is straightforward and simple. Its easier to read and stay up with the flow.
The piece can be turned into a good story with proper implementation. Right now it lacks focus and purpose. But continue to work on it. There were some good places too...

Keep up writing...

With lots of *Heart*
*Shield1*Rima...


Happy Writing *Quill* !!!
*BurstB* A "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group SuperPower... Review *BurstB*



45
45
Review of Reverie  
Review by Rima...
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello FOG,
I enjoyed reading your story.
I am no expert and what's following is my humble review which you may choose to ignore.
*Angelic*



*DropB*
The tag line under the name drew my attention.

*DropG*
The narrative is very simple and straight forward and I enjoyed reading the piece. It seemed to be a part of some longer series for the ending brought up questions.

*DropO*
You have used the present tense to relate this adventure. This is really rare and it made a different reading for me. Most of the stories are written in past tense.

*DropP*
I don't know if its a part of a series, I felt a few details missing. At first I couldn't understand if the was a girl or a boy[not considering the tag line] till the name came up. But that's okay. Then there was no mention of her family. Jane remained in single dimension for there was no description of her character.

These are not flaws but a few points you might want to add in the next chapters [if any].

*DropR*
About the ending.... It could have been more dramatic. It feels like its a normal conversation and it doesn't agitate the reader's feelings. After all we are talking about another dimension here.

*DropV*
Maintain your double spacing evenly so that its easier to read. There were errors or typos that I could detect. Good proof Reading. *Smile*

*DropY*
Over all the story was good and interesting. It has the potential to grow into a fantastic fantasy series.



With lots of *Heart*
*Shield1*Rima...

Happy Writing *Quill* !!!
*BurstB* A "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group SuperPower... Review *BurstB*
46
46
Review by Rima...
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hello Jeff,

I enjoyed reading your story.
I am no expert and what's following is my humble review which you may choose to ignore. *Angelic*



*WaterDrop*
It was a random selection, but the title made me curious.

*DropY*
My favorite part was the ending, don't know if its sad or happy though. Never saw it coming and it packed quite a punch when it did.

*DropB*
The story line flowed smoothly and it was fun to read. You have done a great job in packing enough tension and suspense within such a small space. It was complete with all the questions answered, except one. Did the speaker survive? Though it seems unlikely but I'll hope for the best.

No Typo found *Smile*


*Moon**Fairy2* RimaD
Happy Writing *Quill* !!!
*BurstB* A "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group Power... Review *BurstB*
47
47
Review by Rima...
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Hello Neva,

I enjoyed reading your story.
I am no expert and what's following is my humble review which you may choose to ignore. *Angelic*


*WaterDrop*
It was a random selection, but the tag line made me curious.

*DropY*
I loved the connection between the speaker and her mother. It was touching, very, very touching.

*DropB*
Without telling so the speaker had shown the depth of the relationship. How deeply she felt, the strong bond in between them was so beautifully expressed in so few words.

*DropV*
I am not an emotional person. I don't really connect to people's emotions easily, but your piece had hit it in the heart. May be because I could find members of my family suffering the same way or may be because of the simplicity of your narration.

The last line actually misted my eyes.

*DropG*
No typos found

*Moon**Fairy2* RimaD
Happy Writing *Quill* !!!
*BurstB* A "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group Power... Review *BurstB*

48
48
Review by Rima...
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello Sonali,


I enjoyed reading your story.
I am no expert and what's following is my humble review which you may choose to ignore. *Angelic*


*WaterDrop* Why I chose this item:
The Title. That was what grabbed my attention, then the tag and then the name of the author and I thought 'I got to read this' *BigSmile*


*DropY* My favorites parts:
Can you tickle with words? I could feel your finger in my ribs tickling away.
The favorite part is where the shoe shrank. shoe shrank... shoe shrank...
Twing, twang, twung, tweng, twong.

*DropB* Characters:
Well.. The dentist of course. He doesn't seem to be surprised by anything. I mean think about it. If your shoe shrank in the middle of the road what would you do? *Shock2*

*DropO* StoryLine/Plot :
The piece tells us about a particular day in a dentist's life.

*DropR* Action/Flow :
There was no hiccups but a lot of funny things that took the story smoothly throughout.

*DropV* Ending:
I like happy ending and what could be happier than a little boy playing with a shrunken shoe and a bicycle. *Laugh*

*DropG* Overall impression:
It wa funny and I couldn't stop till I had finished it.



*Drop* A few Typos:
None that I found


*Moon**Fairy2* RimaD
Happy Writing *Quill* !!!
*BurstBL* A "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group power review... *BurstBL*


*Carr* You are being reviewed in the "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group Party RAID! *Carr*



49
49
Review of Detective Dina  
Review by Rima...
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello Rmkv,

I enjoyed reading your story.
I am no expert and what's following is my humble review which you may choose to ignore. *Angelic*



*WaterDrop* Why I chose this item:
The name looked pretty interesting, but what caught my attention was the description. You said its based on your sister. *Smile*


*DropY* My favorites parts:
I like the story overall, but my favorite part was when Dina set up her agency. It sounded so cute and interesting.


*DropB* Characters:
Dina: Well definitely the main character with lot of ambition and determination. She seemed to go to any length to get her job done.

*DropO* StoryLine/Plot :
It was nice to read, that's for sure. It was simple and straightforward. You could have described how Dina searched the house, what her thoughts were while searching. May be she made her favorite toy her sidekick.


*DropV* Ending:
The ending was positive. I personally feel that this kind of stories, especially those written for kids, should have something to teach. Here, Dina determined to do something had set up a detective agency, she even put up adds, but then took a deceptive step. Its like committing the crime and solving it himself to get name. Her mother might have really lost something and Dina helped her find it. It would definitely boost kids' confidence in herself. [Just my personal opinion]

*DropG* Overall impression:
Overall it was a nice story and apt for kids.




*Moon**Fairy2* RimaD
Happy Writing *Quill* !!!
*BurstBL* A "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group power review... *BurstBL*

50
50
Review by Rima...
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello Kathrine,


I enjoyed reading your story.
I am no expert and what's following is my humble review which you may choose to ignore. *Angelic*


WELCOME TO WDC


*WaterDrop* Why I chose this item:
I found this on Please Review Section. Beside that the name aroused my interest.


*DropY* My favorites parts:
I liked the way Nathan got interested in Kathrine. It was slow and gradual which was the beauty of it.


*DropB* Characters:
All the characters are yet to develop. They need more flesh on them. I presume it's a draft. So you will be working on them.

*DropO* StoryLine/Plot :
The story is just developing. The characters are just stepping in. It needs a crisis and a resolution.
Like: Nate and Thomas got into a Rivalry for Kate. But one day Kate got kidnapped and Nate and Thomas joined hands to rescue her... *BigSmile* [Just an idea]

*DropR* Action/Flow :
So far there is no twist in the flow, but there is quite some chance. Kate's friend, Kate and Nate could have a love triangle [Just my thought]. And then you still need to justify your Title. How did she change Nathan's life?

*DropV* Ending:
It is yet to end. *Smile*

*DropG* Overall impression:
It was interesting to Read. There is one suggestion. Please Double space your paragraphs. It looks like one single paragraph and that makes it hard to read.


*DropP* Technique
- Grammar: Okay
- Sentence Structure: too straight. Need a little more drama.
- Punctuation : Okay
- Verb tenses: Okay
- Spelling: Okay
*BigSmile*



*Drop* A few Typos:
I have not found...

Good luck with the story. It has substance and it would do good as a teenage love story I am sure

*Moon**Fairy2* RimaD
Happy Writing *Quill* !!!
*BurstBL* A "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group power review... *BurstBL*


*Shamrock* You are being Raided in the Ides of March "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group RAID! *Gold*



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