Nice choice of form and nice poem. It flows well, and none of the rhymes stretch it for me. They seem to be natural, not just there for the purpose of this form. I like it when forms can be written that way. Nice choice for the repeating phrase. It works in every stanza. I miss this contest and those who ran it. I won the short story counterpart contest once or twice and treasure the merit badge, especially now that you just cannot get one anymore.
It reads well for a simple prayer. There is nothing I can fault in content it flows and touches the important things. All I have any issues with is the nitpicking of the delivery. It could be just that touch smoother.
Where you say, "blessings.and Forgive" I would put it "blessings, and forgive" it doesn't need to be a new sentence for your purposes.
In the sentence with "I dont have" the dont should have an apostrophe "don't". In that same sentence I would replace the "got" with have, it reads a little better. There are commas aplenty that should be in there, but I like this.
Just those small edits would take this good piece to greatness.
I love this slice of life. It offers the point of view of a loving father taking care of his baby presumably alone. He scores with a perfect birthday gift and goes on to discuss his relationship with his daughter. It is cute. It is sweet and I love this story. The flow and the tone is perfect. The wording is top notch. it shows and tells smoothly. Good story!
This is a great chapter. It carries a lot of information for the story. There is back story without info dumpage. I like the characters. I think I might take a look at the rest of this if I can find it. The chapter is not self contained. It left questions and me wanting more than we were given. I wanted it to continue but as a chapter those are not necessarily important because there are more chapters to come.
This is full of helpful links that mean I am going to bookmark this for future use. I appreciate the thought and organization put into this and the effort the author went to in setting this up. It is really well thought out and well presented. Five star resource here.
Nice limerick. I like the word choices. It does not feel forced to rhyme or anything. It is a good limerick. Though, I usually think of limericks as having a humorous edge to them. I did not feel that in this poem. I would not call that a strike against it. It is just a thought. I felt it followed the form otherwise. I would call it a limerick.
This is an informative piece. It told me a lot about the princesses and about the author. I remember watching Princess Diana and Prince Charles' wedding even though I was in America. I was impressed with the fairy tale aspect of it. The processions and the formality. I dreamed for a while of a fantasy wedding like that but in the end decided it really was not for me. I have a Princess Diana Beanie Baby teddy. I bought her specifically because she was Princess Diana.
What a lovely poem. It is so innocent and touching. I felt the tentative nature of the affection growing between the author and the subject. I have known that kind of uncertainty. I can feel the potential of being totally wrecked by the subject not reciprocating. It is sweet, sad, and hopeful. It ends on just the right note. It sounds as if the author is ready to put things to the test. Good luck, and great poem.
This is an interesting story, almost a poem as much as it is prose. The language is flowery and invokes feelings well. The wording wandered around in circles around the main ideas and came out somehow not quite tangling up. I like it and appreciate it even though it is not a conventional piece of writing. The creativity is bold and i really do not know if it would have benefitted any from revision. Part of its draw for me is in the raw spontaneity of it.
Oh, this poem is so sad. It reminds me of all the furbabies I have loved and lost. Our chihuahua is currently in pallative care. She has a stage 4 heart murmur, and is basically in heart failure. She has three heart pills she has to take. It is expensive but as long as she still seems to want to fight we will keep getting them for her. And when the time comes we will take her to the vet and let her go. I offer my condolences on your loss.
This is an educational piece. I learned about a new form. What i did not like was the color of the font the information of the form was given in. It was difficult to read. I realize the intent was to separate the poem from the information but I find that is better done placing the information into a drop note or a pop note. Or using a different darker color. The green made it difficult to enjoy the information.
Cute story. I thought it would be about "THE" Captain Hook from the title and cover picture. But it was about "A" Captain Hook. I was only a little disappointed by that. Really, the story is good and flows well. I like that he did not take the coward's way out with his pistol. That would have been a bad ending. As it was, it was a little bit of an anti-climactic ending. It seemed a little childish to climb on the roof to pout.
This was an interesting essay to shlog through. There was a lot of legalese to get through but it was kind of cool to see the way the legal system works. I would not read this for entertainment but it is very educational and well written so I would have to say this is a very good essay.
Wow, this is fairly self contained for a chapter of a larger story. It includes backstory that allowed it to stand alone without the prior happenings of the story. It is not info dumped in either. It is delivered in a smooth balanced way. I love this and I really want to read more about this character.
I love this story. the way you told it from the point of view of the zombie was totally cool. I like the disconnected connection the character is feeling. I love how long it takes for them to realize what they have become. I love that they managed to get rid of the threat that they were. I wonder how long it will be before they cease to exist. Or will they? I mean they are rotting. I love the way it is compact and self contained. It flows really well. Super good job.
Oh my, that is a dark piece. I could not understand the context until you mentioned hansel and gretel then it all made sense. Kind of gross though. I suppose it is only fair since the witch was going to eat them. But still... Long pig sausage, ewe gross. I guess it is okay they threw her in the oven as long as they do not waste the roast meat...
Surprising how timely this poem written years ago still happens to be. Or happens to be again I should say. The word choices were a little jarring for me, I do not know if you made them because of a form or what but simpler word choices would have made this smoother and a touch more accessible. Though It is well written and clearly conveys its message so good work.
This is a raw cry out for accountability. An accountability that is not forthcoming. The abandonment of care and responsibility made me cry. My wife went through abuse as a child, and this echoes her pain.I hope you can resolve the issues in a way that helps
It kills me that some of the fields and wilder places I would wander through and play in when I was a kid have become Walmart parking lots and apartment complexes, so I totally get this poem. Even if they still existed in their old forms I have slowed down enough that I couldn't explore them anymore. You expressed these feelings in a clear and relatable way that made me think about it. Thank you and great job.
Lovely poem. I felt the shape contributed to the message. Building towards the climax as the words did. It had a great flow. Was this a free verse poem or were you working from a form? Either way it is a beautiful poem.
This is an amazing story poem. Written well, I couldn't tell it was a forty third attempt from the poem itself, it just flowed so naturally for me in the reading i could not see how it could have taken so many attempts. That means you have worked really hard on this editing and tuning it very well. The effort involved has produced an effortless seeming poem and that is always impressive.
I like it I think it tells a necessary piece of these lovers story. The dialect was hard to follow at first but I got into the flow of it pretty quickly.. I thought her infatuation with him was amazingly cute. His love for her was adorable too. The way they both stretched across the boundaries of their cultures to try to meet in the middle impresses me. If only there were more loves like this in our world. Maybe they can manage to change their world just a little bit.
Omg! Hilarious! Potty war indeed. I think boys are harder to train, they get it in their heads to try and hit targets and everything in the house is a potential target. Stickers in the potty help with that though... This poem captures the subject beautifully..
Okay, now I am incredibly curious. What contest was this written for? I know it has been twenty-odd years since you wrote it, but I am curious about the prompt and the contest requirements. I always try to make notes on the prompt and the contest so I am not left with these same questions on my own items. I do it in a drop note so it doesn't distract from the story or poem.
This is a marvelously magical story. I love the scene about the flight. I don't know how it fits with the school scene, but I love it anyway. I assume that it makes sense with the other chapters of this story. I might even go and search them out to satisfy my curiousity. It teases something good that well.
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