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3,039 Public Reviews Given
3,719 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
Quill 2024 Nominee.
3,706 reviews? Feels like a million words since. Word-ometer needle broke. I get stuck, limited eyesight reminds. I did it for others, to improve my critical analysis of our art, but get to know each and their approaches to our shared love, *Heart* ~~ *Quill*}
Style? Read my reviews. Look at other’s output. Responses of my reviews have affirmed.
~Mantra: I see the good, with an eye toward potential, but not be/play authority of someone else’s words, left to the master of the work. Reflect/react/review, a fuller perspective.
In 2024: “Your reviews are great…supportive, encouraging, and ‘in depth’, with excellent suggestions…exactly the kind of reviews I…strive to write. Alas, such reviews are the exception on here. Most are drive-by reviews…just heap praise on the item. A small number are just critical and not supportive...Yours are among the one (in) twenty…that are gems. People should be grateful for getting them.”
I'm good at...
Poetry, shorter stuff. I'm mostly blind. I react and encourage with feedback, suggest direction to something better. I break the conventional fourth wall. Not sure what it means.
Favorite Genres
nature, love, psychological, spiritual, inspirational, humor, emotional, drama, human interest, dystopian.
Favorite Item Types
poetry, short story, essay/opinion/blog
Public Reviews
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Review of Anger  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Anniversary Reviews email siggie


*BalloonO* Happy WDC Anniversary Milhaud - Tab B Author Icon, *BalloonV*

Upon delving into the depths of "Anger," the stark simplicity of its title sets the tone for a journey into the tumultuous terrain of human emotion. The use of ellipses after the word "Anger" creates a pregnant pause, a breath held in anticipation, foreshadowing the intensity that unfolds in the subsequent lines. The brevity of these lines, combined with the strategic use of spacing, amplifies the emotional weight, drawing the reader into the visceral experience of anger.

The style of your poem exhibits a striking contrast, mirroring the turbulent nature of the emotion it explores. The initial lines employ vivid imagery, portraying anger as a descent into a dark abyss. The alliteration in "dark and roiling" intensifies the turbulence, while the repetition of short, staccato phrases in "a plunge downward," "a light sucking," and "disappearing act" creates a sense of relentless descent, mirroring the suffocating grip of anger.

Thematically, your poem masterfully navigates the turbulent journey from anger to liberation. The imagery of "leaden limbs" and "anchor weight" vividly conveys the physical and emotional burden of anger, anchoring the reader in the oppressive depths of this emotion. However, the turning point, marked by the gentle imagery of a "twirling kitten's tail" and the liberating ascent propelled by positive experiences, introduces a nuanced perspective on anger. The contrast between the oppressive descent and the featherlight ascension captures the transformative power of positive moments in overcoming anger.

Poetic devices play a pivotal role in shaping the emotional landscape of your poem. The metaphorical use of a "black hole" as a representation of anger is particularly poignant. It encapsulates the all-consuming, seemingly inescapable nature of this emotion. The juxtaposition of the "hateful mud-sucker" further personifies anger, portraying it as a malevolent force clinging to one's being. This vivid imagery serves to evoke a visceral response, immersing this reader to acknowledge the emotional turbulence described.

One suggestion to enhance the thematic depth is to explore the aftermath of anger's dissipation. Perhaps, if the poet has time to reconsider, delve into the lingering effects or the process of healing, offering a more comprehensive exploration of the emotional journey. This could provide a more rounded narrative to complement the powerful depiction of anger and liberation. Readers often enjoy resolution in a poem that heads in this direction, right after the described conflict.

In conclusion, "Anger" is a visceral exploration of the tumultuous emotional landscape, skillfully navigating the descent into anger and the subsequent ascent to bliss. Should you revisit, expanding on the aftermath of anger for a more comprehensive narrative can give completion, but overall, your poem resonates with evocative imagery and emotional intensity. It was a pleasure to discover and consider for feedback. Have a great WDC Account Anniversary month…almost over.

Sincerely,

Brian
WDC Angel Army Reviewer
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Mudsucker. Good expression. Still resonates.


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In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
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*BalloonB* "Once Upon a Thanksgiving" Open in new Window., a WDC Account Anniversary Review *BalloonY*

Hello Wolfius Author Icon

Seems appropriate to consider your poetry about the season, incorporated in this anniversary review.

Upon diving into "Once Upon A Thanksgiving," I find myself immersed in the delightful rhythm of its verses. The playful use of rhyme and the sing-song quality create an inviting atmosphere, drawing me into the heartwarming spirit of the holiday. The poem's brevity mirrors the simplicity of Thanksgiving, emphasizing the essence of gratitude and familial bonds.

The style of your poem, characterized by its succinct lines and whimsical tone, allows for an accessible and enjoyable read. The repetition of ending sounds in "chompin'" and "giving" adds a musical quality, enhancing the overall cadence. This musicality resonates with the festivity of Thanksgiving, making the poem feel like a lively celebration captured in words.

Thematically, your work beautifully captures the essence of Thanksgiving — focusing not only on the tangible elements of turkeys and pumpkins but, more importantly, on the intangible aspects of family and love. The simplicity of the language becomes a strength as it mirrors the straightforward nature of the holiday itself, emphasizing the value of gratitude over material abundance.

In terms of poetic devices, the rhyme scheme contributes to the poem's harmony. The AABB scheme in the first two lines establishes an expectation, while the departure from it in the third and fourth lines surprises the reader, adding a touch of unpredictability. This subtle deviation mirrors the unexpected joys found in moments of genuine gratitude.

One suggestion to consider is the exploration of metaphor or symbolism to deepen the thematic layers. Introducing metaphorical elements, such as comparing the act of giving thanks to the blooming of flowers or the warmth of a hearth, could add richness to your already charming piece.

In conclusion, "Once Upon A Thanksgiving" is a delightful ode to the spirit of gratitude, encapsulating warmth and joy of the holiday. Consider experimenting with metaphor to add depth, but overall, your poem radiates the heartwarming essence of Thanksgiving as it stands. Have a wonderful season and happy 1st birthday in our writing community.

Sincerely,

Brian
Affiliated WDC Angel Army
and Account Anniversary Reviewer
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Review of I AM.....  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
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*PartyHatBl* This is an Account Anniversary review. *ConfettiB*

Hello Bash!

I've had the pleasure of reading your poem, "I AM…," and must commend you on your distinctive style and thought-provoking theme. The concise nature of the poem immediately captures attention, and your use of repetition adds a rhythmic quality that enhances the overall impact.

The introspective opening of the poem, with the repetition of "Way too," sets a reflective tone, inviting readers to contemplate the complexities within the speaker's identity. The contrasts you present, such as being "way too big" for some people and "way too happy" for sadness, create a vivid and engaging portrayal of the speaker's self-awareness.

Your style is notably bold and unapologetic, contributing to the poem's strength. The repeated use of "Way too" serves as a powerful device, emphasizing the speaker's assertiveness in defining themselves. Consider exploring additional stylistic elements or experimenting with line breaks to further emphasize key phrases, enhancing the overall visual and auditory experience.

The theme of self-identity and the rejection of societal expectations is clear and resonant. To deepen this exploration, you might consider providing specific examples or anecdotes that illustrate the speaker's defiance against societal norms. This could strengthen the emotional connection for readers, allowing them to relate more intimately to the speaker's journey.

The form of the poem, with its concise structure, aligns well with the theme of simplicity mentioned in the last line. However, you could experiment with enjambment or varied line lengths to add a layer of unpredictability, mirroring the unpredictability of the speaker's identity. This could enhance the overall flow and impact of the poem.

Your use of opposites and contradictions, such as being "way too cool" to be hot and "way too simple" to hold a grudge, contributes to the depth of the poem. Consider expanding on these contradictions, providing deeper explanations or vivid imagery that paints a more detailed picture of the speaker's multifaceted nature.

I found that, "I AM…" to be a compelling exploration of identity with its bold style and resonant theme. It’s possible to elevate the poem further, if you give further consideration, with experimentation anllowing additional stylistic elements, specific examples to enhance the theme, and exploring varied line structures. Happy 1st WDC Account Anniversary!

Keep up the excellent work!

Sincerely,

Brian
WDC Angel Army Reviewer
WDC Account Anniversary Reviewer
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Review of Dear God  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
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*BalloonB* Happy 1st WDC Account Anniversary KJB Author Icon,

I have come to offer a review for your anniversary at WDC. LET’S GET STARTED…

In this poignant exploration of faith and disillusionment, the poem "Dear God" delves into the complex dynamics between humanity and divinity. The opening lines set a reflective tone, questioning the perceived silence of a distant god and the temporal disparities between human and divine perception. The introspective nature invites readers to ponder their own spiritual connections.

The poet employs a conversational style, utilizing short, impactful lines to convey the emotional weight of feeling forsaken. The repetition of "Dear God" acts as a refrain, emphasizing the desperate plea for understanding. The poem's structure reflects the disjointed relationship described, with fragmented thoughts mirroring the fractured connection between the speaker and their deity.

Themes of abandonment, confusion, and the tarnishing of sacred bonds pervade the verses. The imagery of war ships and angels left at the gate evokes a sense of betrayal and highlights the consequences of misinterpreted faith. The use of metaphors, such as "Letting Go spells out," adds depth to the narrative, emphasizing the unheard voice and the struggle to release ingrained beliefs.

The second stanza intensifies the emotional turmoil, addressing feelings of blame and disbelief. The vivid imagery of hell engulfing homelands serves as a powerful metaphor for the societal chaos fueled by religious discord. The question of worthiness becomes central, questioning the sacredness of the speaker's relationship with the divine—a theme that resonates with anyone grappling with their faith.

The third stanza introduces a personal journey, where the speaker confesses to periods of denial and hypocrisy. The metaphor of a mirrored finish suggests a self-reflective struggle, while the mention of a littered sea and dried-up stream conveys the environmental toll of humanity's actions. This shift adds layers to the poem, expanding its scope beyond the individual to address broader existential and ecological concerns.

In the final lines, the reference to Gaia and the metaphor of blood running through pipelines confront the reader with the consequences of human actions on the planet. The poem subtly critiques the ego-centric worldview that blinds individuals to the interconnectedness of all life, creating a powerful call to reevaluate our impact on the world.

Food for fodder.

Sincerely,

Brian
WDC Super Power and Account Anniversary Reviewer
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In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
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*BalloonP* *PartyHatBl* A WDC Account Anniversary review.
Subject: Review of Pennywise Author Icon short fiction, “Night Of The Trumps!"*Scared* *Monster2*

*Balloonr* Happy WDC Account Anniversary, *BalloonB*

Dear Pennywise,

I explored your portfolio upon learning this month is your…*counts on fingers and toes* (hmm, I better have that looked at) 18th year at Writing.com?! I stumbled into this fiction quickie, struck by the title, “Night Of The Trumps!”…a great hook. I've read this flash fiction short story, and appreciate the intriguing premise you've set up in just a few words.

Your choice of dialogue adds a dynamic element to the story, creating a sense of urgency and tension. The "Night of the Living Dead" reference adds a playful touch, engaging readers with a familiar nod. However, the brevity of the piece leaves some aspects under-explored. Probably written for contest or activity, it’s a true challenge. The introspective opening could have benefitted from a deeper dive into the characters' thoughts and emotions. Give more to go on, motivations, quirks, back story, any conflict. For instance, you could expand on Barbara's feelings about her name and Kevin's teasing, giving readers a stronger connection to the characters.

The theme of the story is certainly clear, but consider weaving in subtle foreshadowing or hints throughout the introspective section to build anticipation. That’s what readers need, look for…and purpose of that anticipation. This could create a more cohesive narrative, enhancing the impact of the unexpected twist when the masks are revealed.

Regarding the ending, the abrupt shift from seeking help to a menacing situation is effective, but providing a bit more context or background could enrich the reader's experience. Perhaps a brief mention of the characters' suspicions or a hint at the masks earlier in the story could make the twist even more impactful.

Your use of dialogue is a strength, injecting personality into the characters. To enhance this, consider varying the sentence structures in your introspective paragraphs. This can add a rhythmic flow to the narrative and keep the reader engaged.

In conclusion, "Night Of The Trumps!" has a promising foundation. You can take it beyond these 300 words to see what more you can do to really put that hooked reaver in story. To elevate this even further, get deeper into character introspection, more dimensional, foreshadow the theme, provide a bit more context for the ending. What is it about presidents masks that are so creepy iconic trope for these artistic endeavors like cinema?

Keep up the good work! I wish you success. Have a great month!

Sincerely,

Brian
WDC Super Power/WDC Anniversary/Reviewer
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Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello Mike,

"Henchmen Resources" draws readers in with a humorous and engaging narrative, providing a fresh take on the fantasy genre. The witty dialogue and amusing situations create an enjoyable reading experience. The story's theme, revolving around the challenges faced by unlikely henchmen in a fantastical world, adds a unique and entertaining element to the plot.

The opening sets a lighthearted tone, immediately capturing the reader's attention with Erirk's breakfast mishap. The humor is well-executed, making the characters relatable and endearing, despite their unconventional roles. The dynamic between Erirk and Grok is a strong point, adding depth and camaraderie to the story.

The incorporation of bureaucratic elements, such as contracts and forms, adds a satirical twist to the fantasy setting. It's a clever choice that enhances the comedic elements and provides a humorous commentary on workplace dynamics, even in a fantasy world. The revelation of Erirk's role as an HR manager adds an unexpected and amusing layer to the narrative.

However, consider refining the pacing during the interaction with Tiffany. Some parts could be condensed to maintain a brisk flow. Additionally, exploring more of Erirk's internal thoughts and emotions during crucial moments, such as the interview with Bobert, could further immerse readers in the story.

The ending, with the twist of Erirk being hired as an HR manager, is a delightful surprise. It adds a clever and unexpected resolution to the characters' journey, showcasing the story's ability to subvert fantasy tropes with humor. Building on this, you might consider exploring how Erirk navigates his new role and the challenges it presents.

I found this story to have successfully blended fantasy elements with humor, making it an entertaining read. With fine-tuning pacing and delving deeper into character emotions, the story could emerge with an even more immersive reading experience.

Sincerely,

Brian
WDC Super Power Reviewer
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Review of Berowden Pass  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello Gambit Author Icon,

"Berowden Pass" paints a vivid picture of a heroic last stand, showcasing the valor of the Stormbringers against overwhelming odds. The story effectively captures the chaos and intensity of battle, emphasizing the sacrifice and camaraderie among the characters.

The hook of the story, with broken spears, shattered arrows, and dead men, immediately sets a somber tone and raises questions about the fate of the Stormbringers. The theme of bravery and sacrifice is prominent throughout the narrative, providing a strong emotional core. The focus on Larek, Raz, and Bariean creates a personal connection for the reader, making the characters' struggles more impactful.

The ending delivers a poignant and powerful conclusion, revealing the fate of Larek and emphasizing the legacy he leaves behind. The moment when Raz names his child after Larek adds a touching and bittersweet note, providing a sense of closure to the narrative. This choice brings a personal touch to the broader theme of sacrifice.

The storytelling is immersive, with detailed descriptions of the battle scenes, showcasing the author's ability to create a vivid and engaging setting. The pacing is generally effective, capturing the ebb and flow of the battle and maintaining tension throughout.

However, there are moments where the narrative could benefit from a bit more clarity. For example, during the final confrontation, the transition from Larek fighting to Raz climbing the rocks is abrupt. Providing a smoother transition or a brief acknowledgment of the change in focus would enhance the flow of the story.

Consider exploring Larek's internal thoughts and emotions more deeply, especially during his final moments. Delving into his mindset could add an extra layer of connection between the reader and the protagonist, making his sacrifice even more impactful.

In summary, "Berowden Pass" is a compelling tale of heroism and sacrifice, effectively conveying the horrors of war and the resilience of the human spirit. Strengthening transitions and exploring characters' internal landscapes could elevate the narrative even further. I’m happy to have discovered and read some of your writing today.

Sincerely,

Brian
WDC Super Power Reviewer
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Review of Weep  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello erbiage Author Icon,

I was on the hunt for elegies, and discovered yours and felt compelled to send some feedback.

In this poem "Weep," your poignant exploration of sorrow is deep. The opening lines set a somber tone, as "Eyes that weep and seep out sorrow" immediately draws the reader into the emotional landscape. The use of alliteration in "Borrowed handkerchief at hollow" adds a rhythmic quality that resonates with the theme of longing and emptiness.

Your choice of words, such as "honoring," "bleeding," and "pleading," creates a vivid tapestry of emotions. The repetition of the "ing" sound in "Salving word sounds soothing" enhances the musicality of the poem, providing a delicate counterpoint to the heavy themes explored. I know of other poets who’d go demonstrably crazy with all words ending ‘ing’ as over-doing’. Have to do what sings from that flow. Hearing aloud and audience response is the thing. ‘Ing’ is hard to avoid.

The poem's form mirrors its content, with short, concise lines that amplify the impact of each emotion. The refrain "It is not yet tomorrow" becomes a powerful anchor, reinforcing a sense of hope amidst the despair. Consider experimenting with enjambment to create a more fluid flow, allowing emotions to spill seamlessly from one line to the next. This could allow redacting ‘ing’ in a few places, putting more power in the tighter, shorter expressions.

The thematic exploration of time, sleep, and tomorrow adds depth to the elegy. The metaphorical use of the well of sorrow is compelling, suggesting an inexhaustible depth of pain. You might consider expanding on this metaphor or introducing other symbolic elements to enrich the layers of meaning.

In conclusion, "Weep" is a moving elegy, ‘sort of’? *Smile*, and it effectively captures the nuances of sorrow. Your skillful use of poetic devices, combined with a strong thematic foundation, makes this a resonant piece. Should you continue refining this work, consider experimenting with different forms and metaphors to further elevate the emotional impact. You’ve touched on something. Editing, experimenting can take the poet in many directions.

Keep creating and envisioning with the strong foundations of your artistic visions of inspiration.

Sincerely,

Brian
WDC Super Power Reviewer
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Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Javery,

Your poem "A Perverted Elegy for Atlantis" presents a vivid and haunting exploration of a submerged world, weaving together themes of decay and loss. The title itself carries a sense of irony and intrigue, setting the stage for a unique take on the elegy form. The initial lines, "A lone skyscraper / Pokes out from beneath white waves," establish a striking visual that immediately captures attention. The use of the metaphor "atrophied framework, anorexic" evokes a sense of fragility and decline, adding depth to the portrayal of Atlantis.

The skeletal scaffolding metaphor runs throughout the poem, creating a cohesive and impactful theme. The description of barnacles clinging to the skyscraper's sides adds a layer of detail, symbolizing the persistence of life in the face of ruin. Consider expanding on this metaphor to explore how nature reclaims or adapts to the remnants of human creation beneath the waves.

The funeral motif in the second section intensifies the elegiac atmosphere. The imagery of "dark tombstones" and "tendrils of dirt" creates a powerful visual representation of the underwater graveyard. The phrase "Ebon characters of dirt in ornate font" introduces a poetic paradox, merging the elegance of funeral rites with the starkness of decay. To enhance this contrast, experiment with varying the tone and pacing within this section.

Poetic devices, such as alliteration in "bubbling upwards" and internal rhyme in "Eddying indecisively / Nowhere," contribute to the musicality of your work. These devices enhance the rhythmic quality of the poem, creating a sense of flow that mirrors the movement of water. If you were to edit/experiment further, consider incorporating more sonic elements to further enrich the auditory experience. It can be a refreshing reading experience, hearing aloud a poem like this. With its visual structure, notwithstanding.

As a suggestion, delve deeper into the emotional resonance of Atlantis's demise. Introduce personal or human elements that might connect readers on a more visceral level. This could involve exploring the perspective of those who once inhabited Atlantis or reflecting on the broader implications of its fall.

In conclusion, "A Perverted Elegy for Atlantis" is captivating in its exploration of loss and decay, skillfully employing metaphor and vivid imagery. Perhaps, should this be further further developed, with its thematic elements and attention to sonic devices, your poem can become an even more immersive and resonant experience for readers. A pleasure to have read with opportunity to lend my thoughts.

Sincerely,

Brian
WDC Super Power Reviewer
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Review of Briefly  Open in new Window.
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Rated: E | (4.5)
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Dear Happy30s Author Icon…
*BalloonB* Happy Account Anniversary Month,

"Briefly" captures the fleeting nature of time in a succinct yet thought-provoking manner. The brevity of the poem mirrors its theme, emphasizing the transience of moments. The opening lines immediately draw attention to the passage of time, creating a reflective atmosphere that prompts readers to consider the ephemerality of experiences. The simplicity in language contributes to the accessibility of the theme, allowing readers to engage with the poem's message on a personal level.

Stylistically, the poem employs a straightforward language that aligns with its theme of simplicity and brevity. The repetition of words like "briefly" reinforces the central idea, emphasizing the ephemeral nature of time. This repetition serves as a rhythmic device, creating a subtle cadence that echoes the ticking of a clock. To enhance the impact, consider experimenting with varied sentence structures or incorporating occasional internal rhyme to add a touch of musicality. For example, "Briefly, time slips away, a fleeting waltz."

The theme revolves around the deceptive nature of time and the ease with which moments slip away unnoticed. The poem highlights the danger of linking one unit of time to another, suggesting that such connections can lead to a sense of illusion. To deepen the thematic exploration, consider incorporating more vivid imagery or specific examples that resonate with universal experiences. Describe the subtle changes in seasons or the quiet passing of days to evoke a stronger emotional response from the reader.

The form of the poem is concise, mirroring the brevity it explores. The use of a list format, detailing different units of time, enhances the poem's structure, providing a visual representation of the temporal progression. To add a layer of complexity, experiment with enjambment or line breaks that disrupt the expected flow, mimicking the unpredictable nature of time. This can create a visual impact that complements the poem's theme.

Poetic devices like alliteration and repetition are effectively employed, contributing to the poem's rhythm and emphasis. The repetition of "briefly" serves as both a thematic anchor and a rhythmic device. To further enrich the use of poetic devices, consider incorporating metaphor or simile to evoke a more vivid image of time slipping away. For instance, compare time to a subtle breeze that eludes our grasp or a river flowing steadily toward the sea.

In conclusion, "Briefly" is a poignant exploration of time's fleeting nature. By experimenting with varied sentence structures, incorporating vivid imagery, and enhancing poetic devices, the poem can deepen its impact, resonating more profoundly with readers.

Sincerely,

Brian
WDC Super Power Reviewer
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Review of Gloriana  Open in new Window.
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Rated: E | (4.5)
Dear High Druid Author Icon,

Having delved into your ekphrastic poem, "Gloriana," inspired by Anthony Blake's painting, I am compelled to share my reflections on the vivid portrayal of a sailing race. Your evocative language and imagery paint a captivating scene, prompting introspection on the themes, style, and form embedded within your verses.

In the open, the imagery of "snow-tipped, blue-grey peaks" and the sloop slicing through the waves immediately transport readers to the dynamic world of the painting. The phrase "spray, thrown aside, the thrill of a close race" captures the essence of movement and excitement, setting the stage for an exploration of a theme of fleeting moments of glory in a sailing competition.

Your style in "Gloriana" is marked by a harmonious blend of descriptive lyricism and a sense of urgency, mirroring the intensity of the sailing race. The repetition of the phrase "few more feet left" emphasizes the anticipation and suspense, creating a rhythmic quality that resonates with the motion of the waves and the race itself. This stylistic choice contributes to the immersive experience.

Thematically, the poem delves into the juxtaposition of the imminent triumph at the finish line and the frozen, fearful moment. The contrast between the dynamic action of the race and the stillness at the brink of victory adds depth to the narrative. The mention of gulls squabbling over an unseen meal introduces a subtle layer of competition and survival, mirroring the themes present in the painting.

The form, with its concise and focused stanzas, effectively captures the intensity and brevity of the racing moment. The shorter lines and fragmented structure mirror the fragmented nature of the frozen moment, enhancing the overall impact. You might consider experimenting with enjambment or varied line lengths to further amplify the sense of movement and anticipation.

Poetic devices, such as the personification of the boat as leaping over the waves and the elegant gaff rig soaring, add a dynamic and vivid quality. You have effectively conveyed the exhilaration of the race and contribute to an immersive experience for any reader. Exploring additional metaphors or similes could further enrich the descriptive elements.

As a suggestion, consider diving into the emotions of the sailors or the spectators, offering a glimpse of their experiences during this frozen moment of glory. Adding a human perspective could deepen the emotional resonance and provide a more holistic narrative.

Thank you for sharing "Gloriana." Your skillful depiction of the sailing race has a lasting impression, and look forward to further poetic endeavors.

Sincerely,

Brian
WDC Super Power Reviewer
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Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Again Jamison,

I found another by you that I thought I could review.

Your poem "memories in motion" offers a poignant and relatable snapshot of a moment within the context of everyday life. I'd like to provide an analysis of your senryu’ s style, theme, form, poetic devices, and notable elements of this form, along with some suggestions (if it will help) for further refinement.

Introspection:
"memories in motion" presents a common scenario that many can relate to - the act of reminiscing about cherished memories while in a moving vehicle. The poem captures a blend of nostalgia and humor, revealing a significant moment within the mundane context of a car ride. The juxtaposition of savoring memories and a sudden interruption adds depth and relatability.

Style and Theme:
The senryu effectively adheres to the customary 5-7-5 syllable structure, but it's more lenient compared to haiku, focusing on human experiences and emotions. The theme of the poem appears to revolve around the tension between personal reflection and external distractions. It explores how even in moments of quiet introspection, the outside world can intrude and interrupt.

Poetic Devices:
This senryu employs a combination of imagery and dialogue to convey its message. The speaker closes their eyes to savor memories, which is a vivid image of someone lost in thought. However, it's the use of dialogue that provides an unexpected twist and a touch of humor. The wife's exclamation, "Stop the car!" introduces an element of surprise and external interference, effectively breaking the reverie.

Examples and Suggestions:
To further enhance the senryu, you could consider more sensory details to immerse a reader in the moment. Describing the specific memory being savored or the physical sensations of being in the car could intensify the emotional impact.

Additionally, while the dialogue provides humor and a surprising twist, you could experiment with alternative ways to introduce the interruption. For example, using descriptive language or actions to convey the wife's urgency might offer more room for imagery and emotional resonance.

I found "memories in motion" relatable, capturing tension between introspection and external interruptions. Its use of dialogue and imagery is effective, providing both humor and depth.

Sincerely,

Brian
WDC Super Power Reviewer
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Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello Again,Kåre เลียม Enga Author Icon,

I trust this review finds you well. Having delved into your ekphrastic poem, "We never asked her name," inspired by Benson Koo's monochrome ink drawing, I am eager to share my reflections on a haunting narrative you've crafted. Your exploration of mystery and horror within the artwork prompts introspection on the themes, style, form, and poetic devices present in your verses.

In the opening paragraphs, the stark portrayal of screams permeating the air immediately immerses readers in a chilling atmosphere. The repetition of "we looked here, we looked there" adds a sense of urgency, creating a visual and auditory tension. The enigma surrounding the central figure, revealed in fragments, sets the stage for an exploration of the theme of unnamed suffering and the burden of unasked questions.

Your style in this poem is marked by a concise yet evocative use of language. Phrases like "arsenic, old lace" and "grimace? just a trace" create a vivid image of a masked figure, adding layers to the visual narrative. The alliteration in "hands and feet tightly bound" contributes to the rhythmic quality of the lines, enhancing the overall impact of the poem.

Thematically, "We never asked her name" delves into the consequences of silent observation and the weight of unspoken inquiries. The lines "did we know her shame, did we share her blame, at whom did she aim" evoke a sense of collective guilt and complicity, raising questions about the responsibilities of those who witness suffering. The refrain "we never asked her name" becomes a poignant reminder of the overlooked humanity behind the horror.

The form of your poem, with its short stanzas and impactful lines, mirrors the abruptness and intensity of the depicted scene. The economy of words contributes to the overall suspense, leaving readers with lingering questions. You might consider experimenting with line breaks or stanza structures to further emphasize the disquieting atmosphere and enhance the pacing of this narrative.

Poetic devices, such as the personification of bones creaking and the vivid imagery of ichor splashing, elevate the horror elements of the poem. The olfactory detail of "reeking smell of rotting leeks" engages the senses, creating a visceral experience. Exploring additional sensory details could further immerse a reader in the eerie world you've crafted.

As a suggestion, consider the POV of the observers, exploring their internal struggles and emotions as they grapple with the unfolding horror. Providing glimpses into their thoughts could add a layer of complexity to the narrative and deepen the impact of the poem.

Thank you for sharing "We never asked her name." Your skillful handling of suspense and the unspoken adds a haunting quality to the piece, leaving a lasting impression. I’m looking into this form as I’ve done a Zoom session with my poetry group and plan to craft and hand in something from the limited palette of painters provided. Guess it will be Monet for me. *RollEyes*

Sincerely,

Brian
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Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello JCosmos Author Icon,,

"Love Haiku Sonnet" presents a unique fusion of the traditional Japanese haiku and the sonnet form, weaving together moments from everyday life with an undercurrent of love and gratitude. The stylistic choice to incorporate haiku within the sonnet structure adds a layer of brevity and precision to the narrative, creating a harmonious blend of two distinct poetic traditions.

The theme of the poem revolves around finding solace and joy amidst the challenges of life, ultimately anchored in the speaker's love for their wife. The thematic progression mirrors the course of a day, from the morning's unsettling news to the calming blues in the afternoon, culminating in a moment of quiet appreciation during the evening. This thematic arc introduces a relatable narrative that resonates with the reader's own experiences of seeking refuge in small, cherished moments.

The style of the poem is characterized by its simplicity and directness. Each haiku encapsulates a snapshot of time, contributing to a mosaic of emotions and activities throughout the day. For instance, the opening haiku, "Coffee in morning / Listening to the news unfold / None stop gloom and doom," sets the initial tone, capturing the mundane yet pervasive nature of negative news. The subsequent haikus build upon this foundation, creating a nuanced exploration of the speaker's emotional journey.

The form of a sonnet provides a structured framework for the haikus, offering a sense of cohesion to the diverse moments presented. The transition from one haiku to the next within each quatrain establishes a rhythmic flow, guiding the reader through the day's unfolding events. This structured form complements the spontaneity of the haikus, creating a dynamic interplay between order and free verse.

Poetic devices are subtly employed, enhancing the emotional impact of the poem. The repetition of "soon, all too soon" in the second haiku emphasizes the urgency and inevitability of the speaker's need to disconnect from the overwhelming news. The intentional use of line breaks and enjambment in "I open a bottle of red wine / Drinking my red wine" creates a deliberate pause, emphasizing the contemplative nature of the evening ritual.

As a suggestion, consider exploring additional sensory details to further immerse the reader in each moment. Descriptive language related to the taste of coffee, the sound of blues music, or the aroma of red wine could heighten the sensory experience, allowing readers to more fully engage with the scenes presented.

I enjoyed my encounter with this unique poem.

Sincerely,

Brian
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Rated: E | (4.0)
Dear Voodoo Dreamer Author Icon,

Upon delving into "The Tantalus Lament," I am immediately struck by its unique blend of dark undertones and intricate symbolism. The opening lines beckon readers into a realm where honor is questioned amidst thieves, setting the stage for a contemplative journey.

The sonnet's style is notably distinct, employing a concise yet evocative structure. The choice of the Shakespearean sonnet form adds a classical touch, enhancing the gravity of the theme. The quatrains skillfully unfold the narrative, presenting nimble fingers and tangled weaves, a vivid metaphor for the intricacies of deception. This style invites readers to appreciate the poetic craft while immersing them in the narrative.

The thematic exploration of honor, justice, and deceit is compelling. The poem resonates with a sense of moral ambiguity, painting a picture of chaos and darkness. The contrast between "Smiling faces in the Light" and "Labor in the Darkness sweet" adds depth, underscoring the duality inherent in the human experience. The thematic cohesion throughout the sonnet is commendable, creating a thought-provoking atmosphere.

Poetic devices such as alliteration and metaphor are well employed, enriching the language. The phrase "Steel-trap mouths" conveys a sense of secrecy and hidden truths, while the repetition of "Where is the Honor 'mongst the Thieves?" serves as a powerful refrain, emphasizing the core inquiry. These devices contribute to the overall texture of the poem, heightening its emotional impact.

Suggestions for refinement include considering variations in meter for rhythmic diversity. Additionally, providing more explicit examples of the thieves' actions could enhance the narrative, offering readers a clearer glimpse into the world depicted. Overall, "The Tantalus Lament" is a thought-provoking sonnet that adeptly weaves together thematic depth and poetic craftsmanship. I thank you for sharing your words with the community.

Sincerely,

Brian
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Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello Bdot Author Icon,

Having immersed myself in your ekphrastic poem, "Dead Yellow," inspired by a piece of visual art, I am compelled to share some reflections with you. Your exploration of color, identity, and transience paints a vivid picture, prompting introspection on the profound themes embedded within your verses.

In the opening paragraphs, your introspective approach invites readers to question the essence of the subject's identity. The line "Was there a crystalline, radiant gaze before that hand spoiled your face" immediately prompts contemplation on the impact of external forces on one's identity. This evocative imagery sets the stage for a deeper exploration of the theme of transformation.

Your style in this poem is distinctive, marked by a blend of poetic lyricism and raw emotion. The phrase "mouth bloom" captures a moment of emergence, yet the subsequent description as "speaking in the tongues of a putrid, stagnant color" introduces conflict that adds complexity. This stylistic choice intensifies the emotional resonance of the poem, leaving readers with a lingering sense of unease.

Thematically, this ekphrastic delves into the intersection of beauty and decay, symbolized by the color yellow. The imagery of the subject's face left "in the ruins of those throngs of awful yellow" paints a poignant picture of the inevitable decay that accompanies the passage of time. The juxtaposition of vivid language with the bleak imagery creates a powerful thematic tension.

The form of your poem, with concise yet impactful stanzas, contributes to overall potency. The brevity of each line enhances the sense of urgency and immediacy, mirroring the fleeting nature of the subject's transformation. Consider exploring variations in line length to further play with the rhythm and pacing, adding a dynamic quality to the poem.

Poetic devices, such as the repetition in "Did I see you first, Or did I speak to you last?" serve to emphasize the ambiguity and cyclical nature of human connections. The use of questions throughout the poem engages the reader in a reflective dialogue, inviting them to grapple with the complexities of identity and perception. Expanding on these devices could amplify the thematic depth of your work.

As a suggestion, consider incorporating more sensory details related to the visual artwork that inspired this poem. Specific visual elements can serve as anchors, providing readers with a more immersive experience and deepening connection between the visual and the verbal.

Thank you for sharing "Dead Yellow." I appreciate the thought-provoking journey your words have taken me on.

Sincerely,

Brian
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Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello Grace,

"Unconscionable War" masterfully captures the harrowing essence of civil conflicts, delving into the depths of human hatred and tragic consequences that befall generations. The sonnet unfolds with a visceral exploration of burning animosity born in the crucible of war, emphasizing the cyclical nature of violence that perpetuates itself. The choice of language is both poignant and evocative, painting a vivid picture of the lingering embers of destruction.

Stylistically, the sonnet adheres to a traditional form, employing iambic pentameter and a Shakespearean structure. This classic approach enhances the gravity of the theme, providing a timeless quality to the exploration of war's horrors. The disciplined rhyme scheme contributes to the poem's musicality, creating a rhythmic cadence that echoes relentless cycles of conflict. This adherence to form serves as a powerful contrast to the chaotic subject matter, highlighting the stark juxtaposition between the structured verse and the chaotic narrative.

The theme of futility and the profound impact on future generations resonates strongly throughout. Lines such as "Choking on grief of heroes unsung, / Their tears are swallowed by the sand" evoke a deep sense of loss and the erasure of heroic deeds in the face of overwhelming tragedy. The symbolism of tears being swallowed by the sand reinforces the idea of a desolate and unforgiving landscape that bears witness to the consequences of war.

Poetic devices, including metaphor and personification, enrich the language and deepen emotional resonance. The metaphorical use of black as a force that blankets the hearts of the misguided encapsulates the pervasive darkness war instills in the human psyche. Personifying peace as a potential resolution, the lines "In peace they would find what they lack / But for some the only way is divided" encapsulate the tragic irony of conflict preventing the very peace that could heal.

Suggestions for further exploration include considering specific historical or cultural contexts to anchor the poem, providing more backdrop for the reader. Expanding on the consequences of a divided path and its impact on unity could amplify the narrative, offering a more comprehensive exploration of the theme.

Overall, "Unconscionable War" is a poignant sonnet that navigates the complexities of war with lyrical finesse, urging reflection on the enduring cost of human conflict. I enjoyed considering this piece for review.

Sincerely,

Brian
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Review of Unmade Bed  Open in new Window.
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Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello Kelsey,

I've had the opportunity to immerse myself in your ekphrastic poem, "Unmade Bed," inspired by Imogen Cunningham's photograph. Your exploration of the tangled emotions within the disheveled sheets unveils a visceral journey that resonates deeply.

In the opening paragraphs, your introspection skillfully delves into the imagery of the poem. The line "a gun to the spine" thrusts readers into a world of discomfort, setting a tone of unease that pervades the entire piece. This visceral metaphor effectively conveys the emotional weight carried within the unmade bed.

Your unique style is notable, especially in phrases like "twisted in the sheets, a browning ivory that puts my skin to shame." Here, the juxtaposition of the physicality of the bed with the emotional impact on the speaker's identity creates a poignant moment. The use of color and texture adds a layer of complexity, inviting readers to visualize and feel the emotional nuances.

Thematically, your poem navigates the intersection of life and death, echoed in the lines about a Ouija board and spirits attracted to various phenomena. This thematic exploration adds depth to the narrative, creating a rich tapestry of interconnected images. The incorporation of freckles laced with sweat introduces a personal, intimate element, linking the universal themes with individual experience.

The form of your poem contributes to its impact, particularly in the fragmented structure that mirrors the chaos within the unmade bed. The scattered lines and abrupt shifts effectively convey the tumultuous emotions evoked by the photograph. The choice to break free from conventional structures enhances the overall intensity of the piece.

Poetic devices, such as alliteration in "splintered bed-frame," contribute to the musicality of your verses. The personification of the bed-frame piercing lunar pedestals adds a surreal quality, enhancing the dreamlike atmosphere of the poem. Consider exploring more of such devices to elevate the sensory experience for the reader.

In terms of suggestions, perhaps you could further amplify the connection between the photograph and your emotional response. Integrating specific visual details from Cunningham's work into your verses could deepen the ekphrastic engagement. That’s if you were still considering any revision, as no specific suggestions to offer.

Thank you for sharing this compelling piece. A pleasure to reflect on this added dimension of "Unmade Bed."

Sincerely,

Brian
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Review of Wire Braids  Open in new Window.
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Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Jared Lord Author Icon,

"Wire Braids" unfolds with a poignant reflection on captivity and the enduring power of the human mind. The initial lines draw the reader into a distant past, where a defiant spirit, encapsulated in the phrase "You can lock up my body but not my mind," sets the tone for the exploration of resilience against physical constraints. Your first sonnet navigates the complexities of imprisonment, both physical and psychological, delivering a powerful thematic impact…that which I have come to relate.

Stylistically, this sonnet exhibits a notable transition from Iambic Tetrameter to Iambic Pentameter, showcasing the organic evolution of the poem's rhythm. This shift adds a dynamic quality to the verse, reflecting adaptability of the speaker's thoughts. The deliberate choice of the sonnet form aligns with the gravity of the theme, capturing the essence of confinement within the structured constraints of fourteen lines. The brevity of the lines enhances the emotional weight, emphasizing each carefully chosen word.

The recurring motif of wire braids serves as a potent symbol throughout your sonnet. It encapsulates the entwining nature of imprisonment, not only physically but also mentally and emotionally. The phrase "A chasm, uncrossable, even thought / It is only wire that keeps me on this side" masterfully conveys the paradox of a seemingly simple barrier becoming an insurmountable obstacle. This metaphor resonates with a reader as myself, inviting introspection into the intangible confines that can restrict one's freedom.

Poetic devices, such as the internal rhyme in "Bitterly, angrily, rightly so," contribute to the musicality of the verse. The deliberate use of rhyme enhances the poem's flow while underscoring the emotional states of bitterness, anger, and justification. The concluding couplet, with its solemn farewell and the anticipation of absence, leaves a lingering impact upon a reader.

Suggested areas for further exploration could include delving into specific details of the speaker's journey or experiences within the concrete cell. Providing vivid imagery or concrete instances could amplify the emotional resonance and connection, offer readers a more immersive experience. Overall, this is a compelling debut sonnet that has skillfully navigated its themes of confinement, resilience, and the enduring strength of the human spirit.

It was a pleasure to read and lend my thoughts to your verses.

Sincerely,

Brian
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Review of Jorge  Open in new Window.
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Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hello Fluke Author Icon,

"Jorge" delves into the complexities of oppressed gay love, encapsulating the tumultuous emotions within the confines of a modified sonnet form. The stylistic choice to employ the modified sonnet adds a layer of tension and constraint, mirroring the societal restrictions on the depicted love. The poem navigates through intense imagery and emotive language to depict a narrative of clandestine passion and the struggle against societal norms.

The style of the poem is marked by its vivid and provocative language, illustrating the clandestine nature of the depicted love affair. The opening lines, "Two philandering seeds of deviance / happen off guard to each other," immediately set the tone, portraying the love as furtive and subversive. The use of "Lubricious kisses of convenience" employs sensual and evocative language, heightening the intensity of the emotions involved in this unconventional relationship.

Thematically, the poem explores the intersection of desire and societal oppression, focusing on the persona's feelings for Jorge. The contrast between "Vitality grows to unearth and sway" and "cultivates a dry monsoon within me" creates a poignant image of internal conflict, where the speaker grapples with the passionate intensity of their emotions juxtaposed against the harsh societal landscape. The choice of "my Latino lover" adds a cultural layer, highlighting the diversity within the LGBTQ+ experience and the unique challenges faced by individuals navigating both their identity and societal expectations.

The modified sonnet form contributes to the thematic exploration, creating a sense of constraint that echoes the societal limitations imposed on the love described. The structure allows for a controlled yet expressive presentation of the narrative. The abruptness of the lines, such as "Earth conducts melodies of me and Jorge," intensifies the emotional impact, emphasizing the disruption caused by societal judgments on their love.

Poetic devices are employed strategically to enhance the emotional resonance of the poem. The use of alliteration in "bludgeons my body gently" creates a paradoxical image, combining violence and tenderness, underscoring the emotional turbulence experienced by the persona. The metaphor of "Earth conducts melodies" introduces a cosmic dimension, suggesting a universal connection that transcends societal prejudices, adding depth to the thematic exploration.

As a suggestion, consider further exploring the emotional nuances and internal struggles of the persona. Expanding on the speaker's inner conflict and the societal pressures faced by Jorge could provide additional layers to this narrative. It could involve delving into specific moments or memories that capture the essence of forbidden love.

It was a great experience to read and view the poet’s vision within this poem. *Rainbowl**Rainbowr*

Sincerely,

Brian
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Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello Snow White Author Icon,

In "First Morning Of Spring," you masterfully capture the essence of awakening nature, ushering in a new season with vivid imagery and evocative language. The opening lines paint a mesmerizing picture of the "Fireball Sunrise," a celestial event that serves as a metaphorical key to unlock the dormant life in the surroundings. The choice of "peeking yellow and gleams" creates a sense of anticipation, echoing the subtlety of the early morning light.

The style employed throughout the poem is both delicate and powerful. It skillfully employs concise and expressive language, such as "light leaning through dusty elm," to evoke a tactile and visual experience. This simplicity in style adds to the poem's charm, allowing a reader to immerse in the beauty of the moment without being weighed down by unnecessary complexity.

Thematically, the poem revolves around the rebirth and rejuvenation associated with the arrival of spring. The metaphor of the "Sleepy bud unfurling" becomes a poignant symbol of renewal, as if the natural world is shaking off the weariness of winter. You have seamlessly woven nature's elements into a narrative of growth and transformation, creating a universal resonance that transcends the seasonal context.

The form of the poem is notable for its brevity and focused narrative. Each line feels purposeful, contributing to the overall flow of the poem. The concise structure mirrors the fleeting yet profound moments of the first morning of spring, capturing the ephemeral beauty of the scene. For instance, the use of semicolons in "shedding moonbeams; and melting frozen dreams" creates a rhythmic pause, emphasizing the transformative nature of the season.

Poetic devices are employed with finesse, enhancing the sensory experience for the reader. The imagery of "Silence drips fresh from olden tears" is particularly striking, appealing to the sense of sound and touch. Additionally, the personification of nature, with the bud "dressing in Nature's best" and "breathing in Summer's first," adds a layer of intimacy to the poem, establishing a connection between the reader and the unfolding natural world.

In terms of suggestions, consider exploring variations in rhythm to further emphasize the dynamic awakening described in the poem. Experimenting with line lengths or incorporating occasional enjambments could enhance the sense of movement and growth within the verses.

It was a pleasure to read and react with this feedback.

Sincerely,

Brian
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Review of Erasers  Open in new Window.
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Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello BeHereBook Author Icon,

"Erasers" is a delightful acrostic mini-sonnet that skillfully combines form and theme in a concise yet impactful manner. The poem explores the multifaceted role of erasers in the creative process, weaving together a narrative of craftsmanship, flexibility, and the rhythmic dance of iterations.

Stylistically, the acrostic form adds a layer of intricacy to the sonnet, with each line contributing to the spelling out of "Erasers." This clever structural choice not only reinforces the theme but also showcases the poet's ability to seamlessly integrate form with content. The use of iambic pentameter lends a classic cadence to the verse, enhancing the sonnet's musicality.

The theme revolves around the transformative power of erasers in the act of writing. The lines "However much my craftsmanship would ebb, / Erasers cleared the way for redesign" beautifully encapsulate the idea of erasers as agents of refinement, allowing the poet to navigate the ebb and flow of creative expression. This theme resonates with anyone familiar with the writing process, creating a sense of universality in the poem's message.

Poetic devices, including alliteration and metaphor, enrich the language and contribute to the overall texture of the sonnet. The phrase "Obliterated words fell to the ground" employs alliteration to create a melodic quality, drawing attention to the transformative act of erasure. The metaphor of words becoming "dust on paper, soft and warm" evokes a tactile and sensory experience, heightening the reader's connection to the creative process.

Suggested areas for further exploration could include expanding on the emotional nuances of erasure—perhaps delving into the bittersweet aspect of letting go of words or the liberation found in the act of clearing the canvas. Additionally, considering specific examples or anecdotes related to the poet's experience with erasers could add a personal touch, making the poem even more relatable.

This is skillfully crafted, celebrating the overlooked yet indispensable role of erasers in the poet's journey. Its blend of form, theme, and poetic devices harmoniously engage and invites readers to reflect on the intricate dance between creation and revision.

Sincerely,

Brian
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Review of Wasting Time  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hello Prosperous Snow celebrating Author Icon,

I've had the pleasure of reading your Sedoka poem, "Wasting Time," and I'd like to share my thoughts on your work, focusing on style, theme, form, poetic devices, and any other notable aspects.

Your choice of title, "Wasting Time," immediately conveys a theme that resonates with many readers. Time is a concept that universally intrigues and concerns people, and you've captured this theme with precision. It's a subject that invites introspection and contemplation.

Stylistically, your poem follows the traditional Sedoka form with two three-line stanzas. This form allows for a concise expression of your ideas. However, it's important to note that Sedoka often contains a thematic shift or progression between the two stanzas. In your poem, the first stanza focuses on time personified as a black cat with bright orange eyes, which is an evocative and unique image. The second stanza shifts to a more general reflection on the passing of time. While both stanzas are engaging, consider whether you want to develop the thematic progression further.

Your use of metaphors and personification is noteworthy. The portrayal of time as a black cat with bright orange eyes is intriguing. It adds an element of mystery and potential danger, suggesting that time can slip away unnoticed. The line "fools count seconds and waste hours" is a strong example of this metaphor's effectiveness. It conveys the idea that focusing too much on the minutiae can lead to the loss of precious moments. However, it's worth considering whether you can expand upon this metaphor or use other metaphors to enrich the imagery.

In the second stanza, the phrase "our hearts tick away our days" is a poetic device that personifies the heart and time, aligning them as co-conspirators in the passage of life. This line has a melancholic undertone, emphasizing the march of time and its impact on our lives. The metaphor of "turning our lives into dust" is a vivid and somber image, symbolizing the fleeting nature of existence.

For a Sedoka, you've made a clear and concise presentation. However, you might explore deeper emotional nuances and perhaps elaborate on the consequences of wasting time. Delving further into the emotional impact of this theme can create a more profound connection.

The consistency in structure of a Sedoka is a strength, but you might also consider experimenting with variations in line length or rhyme scheme to add a dynamic quality to your work. I suggest these ideas primarily for the purpose of crafting that next poem, when seeking another approach.

I found "Wasting Time" thought-provoking as something of a theme I waste a lot of time contemplating and writing about. Your Sedoka effectively explores the theme of time slipping away. Your use of metaphors and personification adds depth to the poem, and encourage you to further develop these elements to enhance the overall impact of your work. It was intriguing to see how you handled this in the Japanese form.

Sincerely,

Brian
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Review of The Old Wood  Open in new Window.
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Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Green Valley Author Icon,

I've had the pleasure of reading your Sedoka poem, "The Old Wood," and I'm quite intrigued by the imagery and themes presented in this piece. I'd like to offer you some feedback and insights into your work.

Your choice of words and imagery in the opening lines immediately paints a vivid picture of a dense forest. The word "verdant" conveys lushness and life, setting the scene for the reader. The phrase "Giants elbowing for space" creates a powerful visual of the towering trees competing for room in the forest. It's a great metaphor that captures the struggle for growth and existence in the natural world.

As we delve deeper into the poem, the imagery of "Arms entwined, now breaking free" suggests a sense of liberation or perhaps a conflict among these ancient trees. This moment of struggle adds a layer of tension to the poem, and it's a wonderful example of how you've used your words to convey a narrative within this Sedoka form.

Moving on to the second stanza, the line "Singing, sighing wind" is a beautiful personification of nature. The wind becomes a living entity, vocalizing its presence. It evokes a sense of nature's constant communication, a dialogue with the ancient forest. The "Rustling whispers high above" further strengthens this idea, as if the forest is sharing its secrets with the sky.

The phrase "Ancient voices murmuring" is particularly compelling. It's a strong example of alliteration, which adds a musical quality to the poem. The notion of "ancient voices" lends a mysterious and mystical element to the work, making it feel like we are eavesdropping on a conversation that has been ongoing for centuries.

In terms of structure, your Sedoka is well-crafted, with each stanza complementing the other. The three-line format is consistent, and the transition between the stanzas flows seamlessly.

If I may offer a suggestion, consider getting even deeper into the emotions and experiences of the trees in the forest. How do they feel, and what are they trying to convey to us? Providing more insight into their perspective could add an extra layer of depth to this already engaging poem.

Overall, "The Old Wood" is a beautifully crafted Sedoka that captures the essence of a forest with elegance and precision. Your use of imagery and poetic devices creates a rich and immersive experience for the reader.

Sincerely,

Brian
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Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Again Deb,

I've had the pleasure of reading your Sedoka poem, "Vernal Equinox Is Nigh," and I'm delighted to provide you with some feedback on various aspects, including style, theme, form, poetic devices, and more.

Your choice of title, "Vernal Equinox Is Nigh," immediately hints at a theme related to the changing of seasons, which is a classic and evocative subject in poetry. The vernal equinox represents a transition from winter to spring, and you've captured this theme effectively. It's a theme that resonates with many readers, as it symbolizes renewal and rebirth.

Stylistically, your poem adheres to the traditional Sedoka form with two three-line stanzas. This form encourages a concise and focused expression of your ideas. In your poem, the first stanza paints a vivid picture of winter's retreat. The line "Black snow and debris retreat" vividly describes the fading remnants of winter, and the phrase "Crouching piles scowl in shadows" adds a touch of personification to the image.

The second stanza beautifully embodies the spirit of spring. The phrase "Lean toward life-giving sunlight" is a wonderful example of personification, as it suggests an eager anticipation in the natural world for the return of warmth and light. Your use of enjambment, where a thought flows from one line to the next without a pause, in "Lean toward life-giving sunlight" creates a sense of urgency and momentum, which mirrors the awakening of nature.

In the final line, "and praise even the Spring rains," you introduce an interesting twist. It's an insightful touch to express gratitude not just for the sunlight but also for the spring rains. This showcases a positive perspective on the changing seasons, reminding the reader of the benefits that even rain can bring, such as nourishing the earth.

While your Sedoka captures the essence of the vernal equinox with elegance and precision, you might consider further elaborating on the emotional and sensory aspects of this transition. How does the promise of spring make you feel, or what scents and sounds accompany this change? Adding such details can create a more immersive experience for the reader.

In terms of structure, your poem maintains a consistent and effective Sedoka form. Each stanza consists of three lines, and the transition between the stanzas is well-executed. However, you have the flexibility to experiment with variations in line length or rhyme scheme to infuse additional depth into your work. Even if considering these thoughts for a future poem.

"Vernal Equinox Is Nigh" is certainly charming and beautifully encapsulates the shift from winter to spring. Your use of personification and imagery enhances the poem's appeal, and I encourage you to continue exploring the emotional and sensory aspects of the changing seasons to deepen your connection with readers. Hope this finds you well.

Sincerely,

Brian
WDC Super Power Reviewer

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