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True algorithm ia in response from the reviewed. Honed craft over 17 years. I see the good, with an eye to potential. Will never be/play authority of someone else’s words. That’s left to the master of the work. The artist has the vision; I just react/review, illuminate a fuller perspective to overcome challenges faced with those words. I see responses my reviews as affirming. *has references*
 
To see how I review, my feedback is public. Reviews can be set up through email. This page is limiting. *Smile* I accept review credits if I deserve rank. I accept merit badges as recognition, to be earned not bought…my opinion. I buy to support friends to maintain my shadowed equivalency, not pad. I have low vision, ADHD. it’s tripped me up. I dust off, get back in the game.
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Poetry, psychoanalysis. Ideas and notions on publishing process. I encourage writers with my reviews, look for strengths and give direction on how to make something better. I continue to correspond those who approach, when more to offer. I see what drives, use experience and the overarching mind, connect where each individual’s art derives. Hope to opine where it could take them with their craft. Like to believe, sometimes, before the writer knows themself.
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Public Reviews
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Review of Bleed  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
I discovered this poem "Bleed"  on the reviewing pages, while looking for something of merit to give feedback upon, when I discovered this theme running through it. The poem strikes on a subject that I've been considering lately about the argument for emotional pain being more traumatic and long lasting than physical pain, for the most part. This poem vividly strikes on that theme.

What's visual here is the suggested desire to replace emotional pain by having one's heart ripped out. It's sad that people who struggle with depression, emotional upheaval, hurt themselves to distract themselves from similar agony. It's well expressed here. In essence, we want to be emotionless, like robots. I found this poem expressed these compulsive feelings all too well.

What you have crafted here is purely symbolic and we could not survive without a heart in reality, but what we feel is that organ making us behave uncontrollably, the way we feel when suffering from a relationship that struggles or fails. It's more synonymous with poetry like this. No one ever says rip my brain out, as it is the thing that regulates the irregular beating that gives us fits. Or the lungs, because our breathing is short and restricted when stomped by love. A poet might stop to consider these things. Perhaps, the brain is the source of an entire body's upheavel.

Every image of pain can be imagined in the way your poem describes. It is very real and emotive and very worthy of sharing for others who can relate. It was a pleasure to read and comment on your poetry.

Brian

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Review of Your Name  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
I found this poem "Your Name"  to be sweet and heartfelt as a dedication to a lost mother. There was some interest in the two contrasting lines/stanzas and their separate meanings and how they pair to form a poem.

I enjoyed the expression of writing someone's name in the sky and having it windswept away. It's a very clear image that is expressive and emotional. It gives me this feeling of the futility of the act.

However, the second line seems to contradict the first be indicating that the name will be there forever, indelibly marked on the sky to stay. To me this means that it has more meaning to the person who is the writer who can visualize that name up there, perhaps the act of writing in the sky in the first two lines is a memory now. It means more to poet because of what it represents to them and how the act of skywriting shows their love, if not in vain, yet with true meaning and purpose.

I thought, maybe, the poem would be too short or not be enough to get the full appreciation of the sentiment, but felt it did hit its mark. I did struggle with the misspelled 'youre' that didn't need the 'E' and was not a contraction of you are. That would benefit the poem greatly if it were edited as such.

I did appreciate the sentimentality in honoring a woman and her life that their child wants to remember in a way that everybody can appreciate. We want to do something, feeling helpless, when we lose our parents -- to memorialize them in a way that's indelible. Because of this poem you have provided to the Internet. It cannot be wind swept here as far as I'm concerned.

It was a pleasure to read and comment on your poetry.

Brian

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303
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
When scouring the reviewing pages what got my attention was the title of this poem "The Revelance Of Meaning" , which made me wonder if it was a typo or if it was some slang or made up word that I hadn't heard of yet and I had to investigate. What I discovered is a poem that seems like nonsense, but felt if I could find that definition by googling the Internet I might get a handle on it and have a better understanding, and here's what I found:

"Revelance
Reveling in the fact that there it was always more to learn.
To know that you really don't know anything is true Revelance"

Even the definition of this made up word doesn't make much sense, in the urban dictionary, and I can only imagine how it might've been applied by someone who made it up. It doesn't seem to have any application anywhere on the Internet and quite possibly not even to this poem, leading me to believe that this is a typo.

So what is the relevance of a poem that starts out 'boom boom boom' and talks about destruction and who broke the baby by the end. I can only imagine it comes from a young mind who likes the sound of a collection of words in this free associative distribution of English into a freeverse poem structure.

Well I can't say that I had any real reaction to it, I think that the poem has a certain cachet that makes it interesting to consider, even if I can't really figure it out. It might make me want to read more poetry like this to see if collectively there is some sort of common denominator at play, perhaps a style or particular discipline how these words are performing.

Sometimes, we just have to read things within their context or know the person who has provided the piece, who probably has given it a public performance or two, even if at home or in school. But that is beside the point. It was just intriguing to consider and to do a little research and that is how we grow from what we read, and learn in response to lend feedback here in this community.

Thank you for testing the boundaries of my understanding and helping me grow as a reader and a writer; it was a pleasure to consider.

Brian

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In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Your poem "Trying to touch a star"  acts as an interesting revelation about how we as humans react to one another when trust is lost. This reads more like an adage that doesn't have a true poetic feel, but could be something that would be a meme on some Facebook page.

What I like about it is the honesty and what seems like a revelation after a failure as a human with someone else. It gives context or meaning by giving example of how hard it is to earn trust back by suggesting probably not at all because among us is ever going to be able to touch a star.

The poem speaks to experience and perhaps contextually is relevant but descriptively it doesn't give us much other than the metaphor. And if the writer were interested in doing some thing longer and more intense could describe the actual situation where they learned how easy it was to gain and to lose trust. And it doesn't even have to be about the actual act or acts, but about a scene and some images of what transpires between two humans that we can relate to.

I can only imagine eyes narrowing, or backs are turned, and people become silent. There are ways to describe what this is like for a reader to digest and appreciate because we've all been through it.

Of course, another route would be to become an astronaut in your poem to see if you can navigate space. But that might be too humorous and still won't result in a star touched. I guess that's why we all speak figuratively and forget that it's not actually real.

It was a pleasure to read and consider this poem for feedback.

Brian

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Review of Dear Anxiety  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Featured in Stormy's Poetry newsletter and found a poem with impactful words that could sing louder, clearer.

I like little gems like these to read and consider. I'm looking for the brightest moments and discovering how they shine. Your brief piece is clear and easy to understand. But, I thought, it could be even more concise.

Dear Anxiety
My short poem about anxiety

You pierce through my skin.
Poison me with your unwavering bane.
Contrive to dominate my own accord.
In this seemingly perpetual war zone, I am helpless.
There's no escape.

When I look it over I want to get right at the meat of this mini story, vignette or relation about this growing anxiety. What if:

Dear Anxiety,

you pierce my skin,
poison with unwavering bane,
contrive to dominate my accord.

A perpetual war zone; I'm helpless.
No escape.


Now, don't let me put words in your mouth. Just, some words can be inferred and something we can imply like 'my own accord' is just 'my accord'. In your poem you are personifying a part of you, a feeling. You are digging into the emotions, but as personification goes, not describing anxiety as something that does this to the narrator.

I think of Freddy Krueger getting inside people's dreams. If you could put a face to anxiety, what is it? What tools does it employ? These are good questions to ask yourself as a writer and poet to push down the walls to discover more about your ability to describe as you write and find a deeper connection to those feelings. This poem, though, stands well on its own.

Torment is a devil with a pitch fork, prodding someone to feel the flames of hell.
Loneliness is a child within a soul that huddles, afraid to come out.
Anxiety is _____________________.

If you feel like expanding on this theme of yours. You're off to a great start. You can settle for this, or push on. Perhaps, take this information to think about the next time you write, using personification. The next time you want to use a metaphor, or a simple simile.

It's why children think there are monsters under the bed. It's just their fears creating manifestations to excuse inability to sleep, feel safe.

Hope this helps. Great descriptions. Keep writing.

Brian
WDC SuperPower Reviewing Group

I make no claims to knowing all there is to poetry. Just very inspired by your poem.

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Review of The Hunter  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
I'm reading "The Hunter"  today as a reviewer of the WDC Super Power Reviewers group.

After giving this first chapter a read, I see it's value. You have clearly created an antagonist, more like an anti-hero. Definitely some darkness and tragedy to what I read. You thread together parts of the story that hints at things a reader will have to continue reading to learn and piece together as far as background, relationships and what these characters will get up to.

I had a little trouble with the initial dialogue passage, only because attribution stopped for a short while and I had to track back to be sure who was speaking. Without knowing character motivations just yet, it was hard to apply which person was talking. If it had been a passage by the end of the chapter, or even later in the story, I think I could guess who might be saying what.

There are some details to these characters, but felt I could not envision them from appearance to mannerisms. Sometimes, that materializes from dialogue, but felt it needed more for me as a reader. I do feel you've teased the book well with this conversation and how it sets up the story. Theme and categorization of this novel are also easy to assume.

I did catch a section that I felt needed an edit:

"Quickly, she came to (her) feet pulling some piece of cloth out of her pocket."

I wondered why the cloth was so nonchalantly burned in the ashtray. Maybe, I missed something there. Seemed no resistance from the other character. Though, I would think I could take a picture with my cell if I just needed an image. I didn't note whether it's informed needed preservation.

I felt this was smartly written and paced well enough that it didn't rush the subject, but laid out pretty cleanly. To me, I would have supposed this could have been a passage from a published novel, as it had that much polish and professionalism.

It was a pleasure to read and consider this chapter.

Brian

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307
In affiliation with Space Blog Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Dear RobertS ,

I am reviewing your poem "The last days of autumn"  for the Space Blog reviewing group. Nicely worded poem with depictions and descriptions of the autumn season that the narrator takes notice of, but it also connects to some sort of revelation as a reader, I can connect to these words and images in a similar way about how it feels to see summer leave and autumn to arrive, and how the feeling that you will have to go through winter to get to Spring.

As a reader0, I can connect to these words and visual images in a similar way about how it feels to see summer leave and autumn arrive and the feeling that you will have to go through winter to get to spring. I don't think this is about dying so much as it is about the painful wait to get through one part of life. About having to appreciate the world around us and taking assurances that it will arrive anew and begin again in another season.

The poem shows some opportunities for growth as a poet. Many of these sentences are constructed in a manner that speaks more like prose than poetry. Verbs like "goes" are not as active or emotional or visual enough to capture the writer's vision in a way that would captivate a reader. I will say, there is a lot of honesty, directness and openness in this piece that anyone could have a visceral reaction to what is displayed. I particularly like poems about Fall and the message the season can send to readers about life and renewal and the acceptance of death. It's a season full of depth.

It was a pleasure to read and to comment on this poem.

Brian

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Review of winter  
In affiliation with Space Blog Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Dear wonder ,

I am reviewing your poem, "winter"  as a member of the group Space Blog. When I read this poem I can imagine being struck by a moment like what you reveal, alone in a probably stillness at midnight in the middle of winter. I know the feeling all too well that overcomes me to put pen to paper when these moments strike a soul. I am trying to grasp what the poet is a opining about, knowing the feeling but not getting a connection from their direction to read these words.

There's some interesting word choices at play that intrigue me, but little imagery or scene to go on to relate these feelings to something greater for contextual purposes. I think this is a moment that needs more exploration, to really define what this moment is, what it feels like, perhaps comparatively. I do feel the emotions strongly and that is a good foundation for this poem.

If I had one criticism it would be the punctuation doesn't seem to be appropriately applied. I would just ask the writer when they read this out loud, where do you find the pauses? These pauses could be informed by line breaks that are employed, or by punctuation that separates thoughts. And there is room to play there to make the reader feel something by these pauses. And I think that would lend more to the piece. Other than that, the structure was very clean and easy to read with these words meted out in a way a reader can take them in by small doses.

It was a pleasure reading and commenting on your poem.

Brian

Made by Lilli


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Review of A CHILD CRIES  
In affiliation with Space Blog Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hello, my name is Brian and I am reviewing "A CHILD CRIES"  for the Space Blog group:

There is power in a poem that begins and ends with the same lines/message, especially when it intones the theme of this hopeless, helpless person who cannot speak out. It appears the poem is very personal to the writer and describes some oblique expressions in words while indirectly telling a tale of abuse. I think that is what sells this poem to the reader and something that someone should know when they are perusing this piece of poetry is the indirectness and inability to actually say what is going on.

The message is all too clear that victims know their abusers and allow it to continue rather than stand up for themselves. In a way, it's a confession of that and maybe a defense for one's own inaction, which should never be an apology. It is something that is aggravating to bystanders who wish they could somehow help put an end to the drama, but know that it lies in the strength of the person who won't finally take a stand when they can't take it anymore. I felt this poem conveys that message.

If I had any criticism it would be to the structure. Only that there are thoughts that need to be separated by periods instead of commas in some places. I don't think it is a huge distraction, because the flow of words still function to tell what needs to be said.

I am humbly appreciative of the ability to lend my input on this poem.

Brian

Made by Lilli


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Review of UNDERSTANDING  
In affiliation with Space Blog Group  
Rated: ASR | (3.5)
Hello, I'm am reviewing "Invalid Item"  for the Space Blog group:

Using all capital letters to write something, and without exclamation marks, speak to me on various levels and make me want to understand the choice. It is often meant to be loud and aggressive, and I could not decipher the reason other than just the riders preference. I would recommend not using all caps, and to let the power of the words do the heavy lifting, as I see this as a distraction.

From a psychological viewpoint, using all caps tells me more about the writer, then what is actually found the actual message. The words themselves are structured in the manner of senses, in this case three... see, hear, feel. They are offered up as examples of how the writer is using their organs to comprehend why their communication with this person they desire has not reached a full understanding. That is until this person uses the sense of feeling, someone expressively, obviously.

It could be that the writer has applied their own fiction to understanding the other person in the short poem that attempts to demonstrate that on the surface people can be confusing and hard to understand until we connect with them on an emotional level. And while the poem does not demonstrate how this process ended up succeeding it does arrive at a conclusion that is life-changing for the narrator, which claims that they will except the other on their own terms.

To me that says I am giving you your space. I think that the narrator does acquiesce, but without acknowledging that there is a chance that their relationship might not be repairable because of the inability to understand one another. That's what I got from a psychological standpoint.

I've touched on some of the structure of this poem and see its mechanisms at work, making it through poetry. I would suggest using more poetic devices to give the reader more to go on. The poem basically is mostly about feeling and could use The writers other senses to describe a situation and to make a connection to the emotions related to these words depicted.

It was a pleasure to consider this poem of deep meaning and gave me much to think about. I would also suggest googling ways to use all caps, in poetry and the power it lends.

Brian


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In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
I'm a first time reviewer for "Chapter One " . I look forward to reading and commenting on your entry this month. Hopefully, this review will be helpful to you as a writer.

Dear Shadow Prowler-Spreading Love ,

There are some very large morality questions at play here that are the true mark of a first chapter of a story that will be a challenging tale to tell. From the burial of a baby boy (without the 'Father' knowing or the 'Mum' present) two young girls actions cause a reader to wonder and speculate conditions created for this opening scene. This is where a writer can milk a story and play on a reader's senses to understand why this event is happening, cloaked in secrecy and who this Father is, who is being kept in the dark about this covert operation. You will have plenty to divulge, sort out as this fictional tale plays out.

You did well to put reader in scene, noting several passages that take their time to describe events in a graph, rather than assuming details. The writer has acknowledges that this type of fiction is not a sprint, but needs to slowly draw out, lovingly, each of the details to be shared with a reader, who might seem an onlooker, but can feel a participant in this process.


I found a redundancy and a typo, if I'm to share a few flaws I'm spotting.

"Betsy set the bread box down by the door and gave the rotted door a shove. It gave no resistance..."
Rather than the double 'gave' you could say 'shoved the door'.

Betsy was misspelled once. "'I know, so am I,' Besty admitted."

I did wonder about father versus Father, because you did capitalize like one reference might have been to God, the other could have been an actual parent. Don't if intentional or overlooked. It changes the story greatly depending on how that breaks.


Whether intended, or not, you do well not describe the type of fiction this is to be. You give very little to tip a reader in title or opening description. I can imagine this can be considered adolescent, young adult or adult fiction, depending on where you decide to take it. It made me think of genre akin to Little House on The Prairie, though the author would have to write further to make that more determinate. What I'm seeing from this is young characters, the eldest helping sister understand decisions like this is what adults do. Where mother doesn't play a key role, we have a role model emerging in the eldest daughter, making me believe this tale could be developed for younger readers. However, older readers can relate, and would revel in this story just the same.

Some of my intial thoughts on your offering for the Chapter 1 contest based on the July prompt. My wife read and said she would read more. So, you know that's a thumbs up there, too.

Brian

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In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
I'm a first time reviewer for "Chapter One " . I look forward to reading and commenting on your entry this month. Hopefully, this review will be helpful to you as a writer.

Dear Beholden ,

Nicely paced and evenly told first chapter to a story with "Bomber Boys - Chapter One" . Very short, however. For a first chapter, a quarter of what a novel manuscript could measure. I found that the story was just getting started when it's cut off by the unknown person curious about the main character's intrusion. This does not set a reader up to anticipate much more, than say, a commercial break with a conflict to shortly thereafter resolve. If going the distance with a novel, I would expect much more plot or details woven into the opening chapter.

I do enjoy the narrative take and what little we learn from the main character. There could be backstory about him, a recollection that could tie into the discovery of that cabin with a flashback. I don't know why he's on the land or stunned to learn there is a cabin. This is usually known stuff and the picture prompt does not suggest a new building. As the writer, I would go deeper on that, as well.

Where I stumbled a bit and other thoughts:

"The woods were quite open in this part, the deep leaf litter having kept any undergrowth down, and Jake was enjoying his stroll into hitherto unexplored territory."

I think you can maintain your everyman's narrative tone while upgrading from underperforming adjectives like 'quite', as in 'quite open'. If speaking to another, it's fine. However, the narration can set itself apart from the way a character speaks, where we need some separation from the two and a bit more color.

The second half of that passage doesn't match the narrative tone, as it is too wordy/weedy with thought. You could break it down into three separate thoughts?

For example:
The woods were (wide) open in this part. The deep leaf litter kept any undergrowth down. Jake was enjoying his stroll into hitherto unexplored territory.

That might be too simplistic. It's doesn't mean you eschew the conjunctive here, especially relating Jake's reaction in scene.

Getting inside the main character's mind is good. I would like to know more about him to anticipate how he's going to handle this situation that took him by surprise. I needed to feel a little bit more about him, as he didn't have anything to play off of until that moment at the end.

I would say something to thicken the plot is needed here. It's nice prose, nonetheless. And, a pleasure to read your offering for the monthly prompt.

Brian

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Review of Entry for July  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
I'm a first time reviewer for "Chapter One " . I look forward to reading and commenting on your entry this month. Hopefully, this review will be helpful to you as a writer.

Dear Zehzeh ,

There is so much to discover in Chapter 1 of White Light "Entry for July"  that I had to scan again and again for extra 'clues' to understand fully, or to the best of my knowledge, what is transpiring here. Being this character and setting is Scottish with numerous language references, I was kept me on my toes to stay aware of what is going on, or being referred to. I think I could read it a fourth time and still find things I haven't grasped yet.

I think that's what's impressive about this effort. The writer, just like the main character, is fueling this story tight with so much to consume that missing just a few lines could leave you running back to reconsider what might have been missed.

The characters too me are less interesting than the developing story at this point. Surprisingly, Erika is one that I would like to see progress the most, because she has 'baggage', in more than one sense of the word *Laugh*, to overcome so that she can fully actualize to help with the plotlines as they venture out.

I can't say I understand everything that is going on, because I can't get a handle on all the references. I'm intrigued to find out what this female Indiana Jones? is up to?? I like adventurous, plot-thickening stuff. As this is the first chapter, I couldn't suggest anything I could see by way of improvement. I would read further to find out if this will hook me, as we really don't know what they'll all get up to yet. But, mystery/clue solving is in the future.

I think this can speak to an intelligent adolescent all the way up to an elderly reader. It's wide-ranging in that sense. I wonder if you would consider American audiences more by giving a bit more detail to early references than haven't assimilated into mainstream English language. I think that would be beneficial to a reader who wouldn't have to scramble for Google to get a handle on the unique words...bothy, for instance, I sort of get. Mizzle? I could look up, too. I feel I should know that one, though. Getting to a meaning sooner helps, even if framed in a context so it can be deduced helps. So, it doesn't detract from focusing on the story.

Other than troubling with the language, I had no problem with how this is set up and plays out. Like I said, a lot to take in for a first chapter. It's quite a pace you have going that some readers are prepared to take on. Seems the characters are apace with the start of this story, as well, so it pairs nicely.

Thanks for sharing your chapter for the contest prompt,

Brian

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314
In affiliation with Space Blog Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
QueenNormaJeanGreeneggs&vegham ,

Early prediction, but I think this will be good enough to win today. Especially as Childrens, it is what best suits today's prompt. It depends on the Writer's Cramp judge. Like, who is it going to be. I don't know who I'm writing for. The tastes range.

But, from where I'm sitting, this is a good little story. I think stories versus poetry tilts the scale in your entry's favor. Good luck,

Write On,
Brian

Space Blog Reviewer
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315
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Dear Ben Langhinrichs ,

I had to read through a few times and google a few things about praying manti? Manteses? to truly, fully appreciate the effort it took to create this genius sonnet, "Ladies of the Dance" . I don't want to google anymore! *Laugh* Anyway, it gave me a fuller appreciation of the third verse, when matched by the first and second verses that are summarized nicely by the couplet at the end of your 'Shakespearean Sonnet.'

I wish I had the will (and discipline) to write in meter again (a sloppy, hack of a free verse writer), so I am in awe of anyone who accomplishes this feat. You do it with such striking imagery and emotion, connecting the reader with the lightening bug, whippoorwill and the two big green bugs who court and one gets beheaded (yecchh, what kind of life is that? TRANSFORMATION!).

It's sort of sneaky the way you word that final four line verse, because I forget this about their mating ritual. It felt dark for an outcome, but as far as nature goes, it's how it goes. the 'pas des deux' is brilliant! Color me jealous, because as a mating ritual here it adds beauty to an otherwise morbid scene. Such irony and contrast in those lines that gives the read such a rich flabor. Impressed. *Cool*

I was awestruck with the way you depict these scenes that carry a lot of weight with the imagery to reveal nature's rituals. I have to wonder about the final two lines, which to me read just as you say, like 'sorrow' about the dance. An argument can be made that none of these creatures have emotions. That they are just going through the motions. Yet, as a pet owner, I do know that animals can have feelings. Is it reserved for the more intelligent species?

Anyway, I'm likely reading too much into the commentary on the bottom lines. In fact, the reader connects to these feelings, relates from their own experience. In fact, we can personify, if anything else. And that is what makes this poem so good.

It was a pleasure to read and comment,

Brian

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316
316
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Dear 💙 Carly ,

Congratulations on the Bard's Hall first place win with this poem from May. I'm reviewing you as a member of the WDC Angel Army, celebrating moderators this month.

I've always been intrigued by Bard's Hall but have wondered why I can't figure it out, to participate. Or is it easy? Anyway, I found your poem while perusing the past contest winners.

The prompt by Mary Shelley is a good one. The judge's found your poem most deserving. I take a closer look to examine and see what made it successful. You started with a part of the quote as your lead-in, or hook:

Great and sudden change

What you do here is add imagery to follow: "Like clanging cymbals to the mind," which really grabs me. Then, you hit hard and heavy with 'distortion, disruption, desolation, despair,' each reside on their own line for emphasis (does that sound like the right progression for these words?). You choose hard sounding words with alliteration, a slight vowel change-up midway, that make for good sounding words.

Then, the poet states, "The mind flounders, Unaware." It's after the change that we are hopelessly bound to something like a sea where we are, "Unable to find footing." I would imagine so. Then, "It slips on the precipice of something new, Something not normal. Something out of the blue." I hear alliteration again and this time repetition of a word. We are to wonder what this precipice is. Is it metaphoric? Is it below in the metaphoric foundering that footing is found?

But, imagery changes scenes, "Suddenly thrown into chaos/World turned upside down" and I'm wondering how did it flip? This is a topsy-turvy kind of metaphorical existence. I can see why a person would feel off in a scenario portrayed like this. The poet goes on to say:

Night as Day
Day as Night
Each blended into the other
When will it end.

To me these line mean non-ending. This is what a true nightmare feels like. A great and sudden change can last forever, or what seems like forever, in this surreal existence where we can't fathom where we are or get any control over our situation.

I stop to wonder what Mary Shelley was conveying when she came up with that notion turned idiom. I wonder further how many great minds have tried to interpret it to fit an argument they make for something. It's illuminating.

This was fun. I enjoyed reading and discovering your poem to consider for feedback.

Brian

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In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (3.5)
The description line says it all. You barely need to write a poem, except for exposition on the subject. I get this feeling, feeling bottled up by other people's reaction to me and yet having to bend over backwards somehow to appease them so I am worthy enough to be in our ranks. Now, let's see what the poem is about.

Wow, is about all I can say. It's like someone took an imagery gun and loaded it with some of the biggest words and aimlessly painted the wall with so many expressions, it's mind boggling. Rather than try to dissect and interpret the poem, I have a suggestion. A free verse poem is most successful when it is singular in metaphorical relations, subject and/or theme.

It's good to hook readers with smaller clues to key us in slowly and lead us along. There is like four or five poems worth of multi-syllablic adjectives and nouns here making it difficult to plod along these lines to appreciate the poet's true intent. I remain a fan of the description line and support that vision.

Brian

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Review of Summer  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
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This item number is not valid.
#2235661 by Not Available.


I couldn't help but feel less than underwhelmed by this poem that directly describes the seasons and a few elements of each in relation to a person's feelings about it. When describing nature, we should have an affinity for it, something the compels your readers.

You repeat Spring twice in that first line and could redact one. The four couplets could have been just a description of each season, if you were to keep it functional, but this meandered a bit. It seemed unfocused. But, I see opportunity.

Does it have to be two line stanzas? Could each part of the season be fleshed out more by the poet? And, how do we connect to these seasons and how they affect the writer in a way that a reader might nod their head? And remember, poetry is an elevated language. We want to give people an 'aha' moment.

First two lines:

Spring has come and spring has gone,
Memories of winter are foregone.

You've already mentioned winter instead of holding off. Of course, the Spring redundancy with delineation (removal of one) gives opportunity to fill. Can we take rhyming off the table for a moment and wonder about spring having already gone. A short season? worth forgetting because it was cold or rainy? Did something significant happen that time of year, an allusion to what that might be? It might explain the sad, droll language you employ. Next:

Summer’s here with flowers bloomed,
The snow and cold have been doomed.

You have referenced winter again in a verse that is about summer. Something tells me that this gloomy person is a December. The line is akin to children's poetry. Can I assume that this is written by someone young? If a writer lacks experience about the seasons, google. Learn about the scientific names for the seasons and what's most prominent about each. I think summer inspires nature to come out of hiding, insects like butterflies and bees begin pollinating. The smell in the air changes as the heat emerges. There's a lot you can tap into.

Autumn's close, but not yet here
There's still some time for laughs and cheer.

Simple and to the point. We're transitioning through the season's fast, but when we come to the last verse, there's no winter reference but a summation. It's awkwardly worded but does serve as an appropriate summary. If you keep it to four verses, you should take away other winter references and focus on the the final season at the end here.

It sounds like the writer does not like winter, does not see the worth in it. To me, that is an opportunity to realize that it is essentially to the earth cycle. It has restorative powers and gives us a season indoors that comes with holidays and family get togethers to enjoy:

Although the heat comes shining down,
It’s hard to ever wear a frown.

Well, sorry if my review seemed a bit blunt. I don't know what level or age of writer you would be. I think that this poem sets up a perfect opportunity to use this as a structure to frame any words you want about the seasons. You want to surprise a reader with unique feelings, expressions, turn of a phrase. Give them something they haven't seen before, outside of greeting cards. There is so much room for improvement here. It's very doable.

Brian

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Review of Nostalgia  
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Rated: ASR | (4.0)
The is a Super PowerReivewer Review:

 Nostalgia   (ASR)
It is a painful poem from the depths of a sad and lost person ...
#1881380 by Snder


I read through this poem described 'Nostalgia' and wondered why those last two lines at the end of the poem do not harken the open. This is a poem that seems like an open letter to the world while penning for one self the struggles to feel whole and complete and functional in this word, needing help and sense feeling they have disappointed others.

It's the 'whoa is me' without much self discovery. I think when we write, we are on the periphery of something we could explore deeper but restrict ourselves from going any deeper. Poetry is a way of doing this, to try to chip away at something over and over and it feels like we get nowhere because we are not willing to dive right in...to this thing called life. Afraid to experience.

The sad thing is that writing about it doesn't do it must justice, unable to get below that surface. Words are personal and perhaps revealing and by sharing our feelings in these we, we become false as we get lost. It's because we need to write to make an excuse for our life, having not fully lived, and feeling the guilt of it by association furthers the repression.

The poet here needs to explore those images. Find the connection to this subject you dance about, emotionally pine about, but never discuss. What is holding you back? Why do people look out for you? They know with what you struggle, but can't truly know until the writer reveals these innermost fears. I feel it. I know you can grasp it.

It was a pleasure to read and consider your poem for feedback,

Brian

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Review of Autumn  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
 Autumn  (E)
A short object poem written from a painting
#1319987 by Kris


Some reviewers just don't understand how to interpret poems, perhaps don't carefully peruse the text to get a feel and understanding of what they are reading and what they should be feeling and visualizing. I came across this poem, "Autumn" , listed on the review boards.

It's a short and sweet poem that is full of innocence and images of the purity of life in autumn. It is about this desire that the young are inspired by when they commune in a scene depicted so well by the poet:

Nature on fire
Sharp smell of Autumn
My heels, “click click click”
On the shiny dew drenched streets
Alive with fallen rubies

My eyes, burning and hungry
My arms, laden with life

Well it's obvious, the rubies on the ground are leaves in this poem about autumn. It feels like it is from the perspective of one acting a child with an armful of the fallen leaves. You describe the scene as wet with shoes making sounds as the character walks down the street (made me think that these were not the right kind of shoes, for some reason).

This poem does describe autumn, mentioning 'nature on fire' which was a great introduction. I cannot imagine how someone who reads to lend feedback could miss the allusion to all the images, connected to this greedy feeling to collect and contain all that autumn has produced.

What I would have liked to have seen more of in this poem is to continue this scene. There was a narrator to describe, a purpose that needed to be known. We sometimes can never know what the young are doing, but we know what they are feeling - joy. Their hearts bright as the autumn leaves trying to harvest them, preserve them.

I thought nature on fire was a perfect way to open this. It inspires all the colors of fire (and there are so many colors of leaves) and it connects it to the emotion we are about to feel from the exuberant one, collecting and carrying in their arm, 'laden with life.'

I do agree that it might be nice to discern what that smell of autumn is like to you? To be shared with a reader who might get a whiff from memory. It's wet and no doubt it's about what's all around us decomposing. We probably could insert our own smells from memory. But, there are definitive words that could elevate the reader's senses of that moment, which the poet could ascribe.

Eyes, 'burning and hungry', is directly the feeling of the wanton child who is communing in this environment where there feels like so much potential. Why wouldn't you still be talking about autumn? Some reviewers just don't get it and cannot fathom what the meanings of imagery and depictions are supposed to mean. Some could just google to get a better sense of what you are relating and connecting to for a reader to appreciate.

I like that you end with 'laden with life'. But, at the same time, I wanted more. This scene continues in my mind. There are leaf piles, wetness all around. There are partially shed trees looking on. Yes personification might be needed. You could describe the air, the breezes and being happy and all alone in this scene. It's personal and yet it's relatable.

I found some unique examples of expressions in this brief poem that serves as sort of a flashback to childhood and an appreciation of nature. Autumn scenes like this also lend to the need for appreciation of conservation.

I fully enjoyed your poem which I find deserves to be truly recognized for how it was intended. A pleasure,

Brian

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Review of Released  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Dear Legerdemain ,

This brief poem about a rejection by replacement got my attention and wanted to lend some feedback. "Released"  sets up with what sounds like a termination, one which the narrator has described 'no remorse' after stating 'with painful regret', which gave me pause. The second stanza furthers this departure of being replaced, but does not describe by whom or how. This poem is entrenched in feelings of a very difficult/embarrassing moment. I'm still seeing someone removed from their job.

Then, there is the last verse that now uses a metaphor to describe being tethered to something like a fish (or a boat) that was caught and released. That was a very effectual relationship to depict what is being described. But, I have to put this all together as a reader to get a better appreciation of what the author intends. And, when I look at the description line, love is what should be applied.

But, I wonder, could there have been a better way to structure and/or reveal this? Perhaps, starting with that metaphor, without losing the related feelings of being released from this relationship, to frame what the writer intends in a way a reader can fully visualize and feel along the way.

I stumbled on those first two lines of the poem, without punctuation, before I could get the right attribution of words to actions. At first, feeling the narrator was the one without remorse, until I could see the attribution is to this undescribed person who's only action was 'inform'. I don't get a feel for how this all unfolds, and that might not be necessary. It's a relation of this common feeling we get when we discover another has ended our relationship, and because they found someone else.

So, it's interesting that while away they've been usurped, but when they return they are untethered? How long away? Maybe, not necessary to know. The tether would be the emotional connection. So, I have to appreciate the figurative depiction with the language, realize that the metaphor of the mooring and the actual relation of the story conflict only in concrete terms.

I'm going way to deep with my analysis of this, sorry. I sometimes just start typing while I'm thinking and then I feel like a detective trying to piece clues together. Gets a bit tedious and then I have to stop myself, as I've done here.

The point of this review is to say, I fully connected with those emotions displayed. I also appreciated the metaphoric ending. It felt like two poems in one that are related but not working fully together. One of the best lines was 'usurped my pedestal', because it feels like this person jilted is stunned far greater by the impact, like a longer fall from that pedestal, one where they had been treated like a queen, and now oustered. That's a pivotal moment in the poem.

I decided, rather than try to suggest changes (which I'm prone to do *Rolleyes*, I can appreciate this poem as it is. Because there is so much at work within this tiny little gem that I have a tendency to fuss over where I see a chance for improvement. It's like seeing a thread I want to pull. I realize now, when I do that, if I start to unravel, maybe it's better just to leave it. *Laugh*

This was going to be a shorter review, too. Now I'm running late for work. I guess that means I really enjoyed considering your poem for feedback,

Brian

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Review of Terror in White  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Dear Diane ,

First person account from a ghost? Did Anne Rice write a sequel to Interview With A Vampire? *Bigsmile*

I believe a poetic form used here that rhymes the first two lines with the final and fifth line is a pantoum? Just recently getting acquainted with that again. The poem flowed smoothly for the most part. "Terror in White"  seemed tongue-in-cheek, if not satirical.

It's a ghost with an attitude, but about what I do not know. It knows that people spread rumors about the former life of this entity, some death and mutilations. But, nothing concrete. We cannot conceive of why this ghost haunts, likes to scream to scare people. The scream's the thing, isn't it?

I appreciated the poem. I thought it was witty and perhaps shows the poet tired of the outside world trying to perceive why a ghost behaves the way it does. However, it didn't give me much insight, except to believe a writer tried to conceive it.

Brian

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Review of The Ghost Child  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
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The ghost metaphor was functioning for the most part for me in this poem "The Ghost Child" . I can see a boy who is haunted by something, but I can only assume it is about how to fit in with others. He's dirty, wears hand-me-downs, but the doting narrator, who can only assume is his teacher, can show him affection with a hug and admiration. By the end of the poem he feels safe in the company of this 'room'...a classroom.

The poet seems to be retelling an experience with a child with that innervision to assess a situation where one student doesn't fit in. There were some really stellar moments in this poem, but the one that grabbed me the most was, "Hugging him was like holding a rabbit in your arms/Sitting quietly, patiently, waiting for a chance to run." How powerful!

I could imagine this child like a wild animal, who doesn't bath or take care of himself. Perhaps, a professional could assess what this all means, beyond poverty. Perhaps, someone who is odd and does not conform to the norm, who does not know how it is he can't be accepted. But this rabbit metaphor just perfectly described it. A rabbit can be trusting, but it needs to be a wild animal. It does not expect to be rejected for being itself.

Another line that struck me:

"He was a ghost and could not be seen."

It's simple and direct and so very relatable. I think when someone has an odd approach to the world, usually finds it hard to be noticed, hard to share and make friends. It's unfortunate, because we have failed to teach other children respect for others who seem odd. We can treat the disabled with understanding because we can usually see their disability. A mental inability is not as easily diagnosed or understood. If we are told to be nice, we can say the right things. But that bias about what we see as their ignorance, or failure to adapt, usually draws ire and criticism. I can especially relate to not being noticed.

There is so much more at work here, and imagine the ending could be like bringing this child back to life, back from the dead. His life was hollow and empty until he could trust and behave without judgment in this classroom.

It was a sweet poem, yet raw and awkward. It could use some editing as a free verse point to highlight the most important words and leave the baggage of filler words to precisely make its points/case. It is a very worthy poem and one that caught my eye.

It was a pleasure to read this poem and to offer commentary upon it,

Brian

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Review of left behind  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
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 left behind  (13+)
there i was... trembling when you said goodbye... remembering you...
#953073 by cloud_nomad

         
         *Pumpkin2*          *Witch*           *Leaf2Br*          *Ghost*          *Monster6*          *Pumpkin*

I review emotional poetry because it is in my wheelhouse as a writer and have learned over the years that writing this fare can be cathartic for the writer, but not always translatable to a reader. The goal of writing seems to be to find equal ground with others who can commiserate, relate on some level. Here I find a poem that is striving to accomplish that.

What I found at the outset and throughout is the use of the ellipses (...) with so many incomplete thoughts, and I wondered...I wondered if you are meaning to trail off in every line and not complete the sentences to get to those meanings. In a way, it can be effective. Overuse could cause a reader to tune out. I show:

there i was...
trembling when you said goodbye...
remembering you...
i lay shattered...
trapped in an endless shade of gray...
haunted by tears of emptiness...
i was shivering...
the cold air of loneliness embracing me...
longing for the warmth of your presence...

I connected the three verses, but it does continue until the final two lines of summation. I think overuse here was not as effective because the writer still needs control of the narrative, to take that subject that is emoting and help the main character focus enough to fully reveal this message without the interruption of so many ellipses.

And when I consider these lines, they don't need the dot, dot, dot at the end. The poet has fully stated feelings. I would just eliminate this type of punctuation with the only question remaining, what punctuation, if any, to finish those thoughts? Because, the line breaks are effective enough for a pause.

Just think. If these were full sentences, they would plot across that line like a horizon you must scan across the page. The shorter the line, the faster the read. If a poet wants a longer break, you can indent on the next line, or even leave a blank line between lines. These types of poems don't have to read with verses, either. The stanzas are usually created by completed thoughts within the overall message of one's poem. Sometimes, there is no breaks between lines until the end.

It's free verse poetry, so you can arrange the words any way you feel your monologue would play out.

This narrative is in fact a monologue and it relies on some imagery. That helps the reader connect to the voice and the expression of these feelings connected to events. I will not speak to content, as I see an opportunity to consider how you display your text to draw in a reader and to go from there. I will say that concrete language works best, especially words that can convey feelings.

Words like: trembling, goodbye, shattered, endless, gray, tears, shivering, cold, embracing, warmth, presence, haunting, numb...all words you used in your poem that with a little tightening between to focus on those feelings, and less of the personal pronouns, you draw in the reader to connect and relate.

The poem was written for its master to cherish. You can always keep the original, tuck it in your desk drawer to look at again one day.

In the meantime, if the poet/writer wants to convey and share with an audience, consider what keeps a listener connected to what you say. Be a storyteller that draws them in; use an economy of the best words that still describe what you intend. Consider editing out filler words and focus on the hot/key words connected to your moments and flush them out with a few other words that can still shine and show a reader the true heart, this raw gem you've constructed.

It was a pleasure to read and consider this poem for feedback,

Brian

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Review of My Allie Cat  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)


Dear Susie, the LV Transplant ,

I enjoyed the imagery, rhythm and flow of this narrative poem "My Allie Cat"  about a sweet child who is adored by the poet grandmother to write and share this poem.

There are little scenarios and idiosyncrasies with descriptions of the child and their behavior to impress and receive approval from a doting reader. Essentially, what I see playing out here is a confident child full of innocence and so much upside to a life ahead.

The poem starts out with this description by doting grandma, that shows without a doubt a bias to overexpress the beauty of this child. It comes across well from nickname to hairstyle and how they seal those letters with a kiss and just five years old and good rapport with teacher, and a leader among peers.

The second half of the poem gave me wonder, because she lives among autistic children, but is not described as one. Is this left out for a reason? She is a peer grouper, so perhaps, she's the head of that class. Though, this poet grandma chooses to overlook that a bit. I'm not sure how autistic children all wind up in a class together, unless there just happens to be that many that there is a group in their class?

The line 'worlds of glass' made me wonder about the biblical 'those who live in glass houses'. I could be off, but that didn't seem to fit. It wasn't explained, so I have to omit it from my thoughts. I could use further exposition.

Overall, the poem was a joy to consider and offer feedback on.

Brian

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