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Review Style
True algorithm ia in response from the reviewed. Honed craft over 17 years. I see the good, with an eye to potential. Will never be/play authority of someone else’s words. That’s left to the master of the work. The artist has the vision; I just react/review, illuminate a fuller perspective to overcome challenges faced with those words. I see responses my reviews as affirming. *has references*
 
To see how I review, my feedback is public. Reviews can be set up through email. This page is limiting. *Smile* I accept review credits if I deserve rank. I accept merit badges as recognition, to be earned not bought…my opinion. I buy to support friends to maintain my shadowed equivalency, not pad. I have low vision, ADHD. it’s tripped me up. I dust off, get back in the game.
I'm good at...
Poetry, psychoanalysis. Ideas and notions on publishing process. I encourage writers with my reviews, look for strengths and give direction on how to make something better. I continue to correspond those who approach, when more to offer. I see what drives, use experience and the overarching mind, connect where each individual’s art derives. Hope to opine where it could take them with their craft. Like to believe, sometimes, before the writer knows themself.
Favorite Genres
nature, love, psychological, spiritual, inspirational, epiphany, emotional, drama, human interest, science, conspiracy, dystopian, fatalistic, speculative. Not cookie cutter fantasy realms or choose your adventure. Action/adventure. Unique, surprise.
Least Favorite Genres
Horror, fan fiction, some fantasy and sci-fi, or anything Lord of the Rings/Game of Thrones-ish.
Favorite Item Types
poetry, short story, essay/opinion/blog
I will not review...
I’m happy receive an email to discuss first. I set this to receive 9k. WDC gets the rest. No page here I know of to collectively or categorically see, compare reviewers for hire. That might be a worthy tool.
Public Reviews
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26
26
Review of Lost in My Mind  
for entry "Silently Vanishing
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Anniversary Reviews email siggie


*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY!!! from "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*
Celebrating your writing this month with a review.


Happy Account Anniversary Stormy Lady ,,

I’m on a review raid of your portfolio, acknowledging your 23 years at WDC. "Silently Vanishing" is a somber exploration of despair and the quiet unraveling of emotions. You encapsulate it in a concise yet powerful structure. The opening lines set a melancholic tone, introduce a series of dark images and emotions, ans this piece unfolds in a rhythmic cadence,. I find it mirrors the relentless march of despair.

Stylistically, your poem uses a minimalistic approach, with short and impactful phrases, which convey the depth of emotional turmoil. The repetition of harsh consonant sounds in "Darkened state," "Tortured souls," and "Unpaid tolls" contributes to the grave imagery, emphasizing the gravity of the emotional toll. The use of enjambment, such as in "Emotions rushed / Painful devotions," creates a sense of urgency. It propels a reader through a turbulent, emotional landscape.

Thematically, this offering teeters into the darkness of tortured souls, exploring themes of doomed faith, unrequited love, and contemplation of self-harm. The progression from emotions rushing to suicide notions unfolds as a sorrowful narrative, depicting the downward spiral of despair. The repeated motif of vanishing silently adds a layer of quiet desperation, highlighting the internal nature of this struggle.

Poetic devices, such as alliteration, in "Blood splashing" and "Silently Vanishing," intensify the sensory impact. It lends to the vivid and visceral images. The use of stark contrasts, such as "Nights gloom" and "Empty room," contributes to the portrayal of emotional emptiness and isolation. Also, the enigmatic nature of "Unpaid tolls" invites one’s own interpretation, serving as a metaphor for unresolved emotional debts.

If you are ever in rewrite…suggestions for further exploration could involve providing additional context or details to enrich the emotional narrative. Describing specific moments or experiences that contribute to the tortured souls and doomed faith could enhance the reader's connection to this piece. I understand as a writer about grappling with topics that trigger emotions. It sort of blinds, making it difficult to get close, find objectivity. Difficult to give further life to visions/memories from the past. With time, distance, and hopeful closure. That’s why I take up the pen.

And one other note: experimenting with line breaks or variations in stanza length could add a dynamic element to the form of your poem, echoing the tumultuous nature of the emotions expressed.

I hope this review finds you well and you are back with us again. I’ll be sure to keep checking the Poetry Newsletter Contest.

Sincerely,

Brian
WDC Angel Army
and Anniversary Reviewer
November, 2023 Reviewer of month award.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
27
27
Review of Void  
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Anniversary Reviews email siggie


*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY!!! from "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*
Celebrating your writing this month with a review.


Happy Account Anniversary mars ,

I’ve arrived to peruse your portfolio and lend comment to some of your writing. This title caught my eye:

"VOID,” as a haiku, encapsulates a profound sense of absence — a silence that resonates throughout these carefully chosen words. Thetraditional form of this Japanese poetry, often captures moments in nature or profound emotions with brevity and simplicity. Your poem adheres to that tradition while conveying a poignant theme of longing and the desire to break the silence.

Stylistically, this offering embraces the essence of haiku with its three lines and a syllabic structure of 5-7-5. The brevity of the lines adds to the domino impact of each word arriving. The title, "VOID," sets the tone for the emotional emptiness conveyed here. The concise nature of the lines reflects the weight of the unspoken, emphasizing the void left by the absence and the quiet anticipation of rekindling expression.

Thematically, you have explored in short form the aftermath of a prolonged absence. It depicts the unspoken words and the anticipation of resuming communication. The use of "too long" conveys the extended duration of the silence, creating a sense of yearning for connection. The juxtaposition of "silent pages" with the desire "to write; again" encapsulates the theme of renewal and the potential for healing through the act of expressing oneself. As with this haiku, one purges those feelings..

Poetic devices within the poem are often subtle, as you have utilized the power of contrast and suggestion. The void is palpable in the unsaid words and the silence conveyed through "silent pages." My contention: silence is sound; it sends a message to an available mind. The choice of the word "dream" adds a layer of hope and aspiration, suggesting the potential for a new beginning or the fulfillment of unspoken desires.

Should you revisit, some suggested improvement: Perhaps, include exploring additional sensory details or specific images that convey and evoke a more vivid sense of the title ‘void’, and with anticipation of renewed expression. For example, incorporating nature imagery or metaphorical elements could deepen the emotional impact. Also, the placement of words or phrases within the 5-7-5 syllabic structure is key. You might add a subtle rhythmic variation, within its construct, enhancing the flow of this haiku.

It was a pleasure to consider your haiku as part of the anniversary celebration of your 17th year at Writing.Com.

Sincerely,

Brian
WDC Angel Army
and Anniversary Reviewer
November, 2023 Reviewer of month award.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
28
28
for entry "One single tear
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Anniversary Reviews email siggie


*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY!!! from "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*
Celebrating your writing this month with a review.


Happy Account Anniversary Stormy Lady ,

I’m on a review raid of your portfolio, acknowledging your 23 years at WDC.

In "One Single Tear," the poet explores the profound emotion of fear encapsulated in a tear. The opening lines immediately set a contemplative tone, inviting readers to delve into introspection. The repetition of "one single tear" serves as a poignant refrain, emphasizing the singular focus of the poem and underlining the significance of the tear as a symbolic manifestation of fear.

Stylistically, the poem adopts a straightforward and unembellished approach, allowing the raw emotions to resonate. The short, concise lines contribute to the overall impact, creating a sense of immediacy and intensity. The use of rhyme, particularly in "fear" and "here," adds a musical quality to the verses, enhancing the emotional resonance.

Thematically, your poem considers the complexities of emotions, particularly the transformation from love to sorrow. The contrast between the past and the present is vividly portrayed through the juxtaposition of nostalgic images like "watching the birds above" with the current state of sadness. This progression unfolds organically, providing a nuanced exploration of the speaker's emotional landscape.

Poetic devices such as personification are subtly woven into your narrative, as evidenced in "Watching the birds above." This technique imbues nature with the ability to witness and bear witness to the speaker's emotional journey. The cloud imagery further adds depth, symbolizing the passage of time and the emotional storms faced by the speaker.

Suggestions for improvement could include expanding on specific details or moments that contribute to the emotional narrative. For instance, providing more concrete examples of the love that once existed could enrich the reader's connection to the speaker's experience. You write symbolically of these feelings. Getting closer to subject could really make an emotive expression come alive.

A pleasure to read you and know your work a little better, during your anniversary month here.

Sincerely,

Brian
WDC Angel Army
and Anniversary Reviewer
Non-Animated Angel Army Signature


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
29
29
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Anniversary Reviews email siggie


*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY!!! from "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*
Celebrating your writing this month with a review.


Happy Account Anniversary Stormy Lady ,

We’ve missed you lately. I hope some reviews will get your attention. "Painting The Night Sky" is a poetic canvas that depicts the mystical and ominous transformation of the day into night. The opening lines immediately set a captivating scene, using imagery of a mysterious figure riding on whistling winds. The personification of Night as a painter, stealing away the peaceful day and painting everything a "raven black," establishes a thematic tension between light and darkness.

The style of this poem can be characterized by its concise and evocative language that creates a vivid atmosphere. The use of strong visual imagery, such as "Dancing silently through the land," enhances the reader's engagement with the nocturnal scene. The choice of personification adds a layer of storytelling, turning the transition from day to night into a dynamic narrative. The short and impactful lines contribute to the poem's rhythmic quality, echoing the movements of the night.

The theme revolves around the cyclical nature of day and night, exploring the mystical and sometimes foreboding elements associated with this transition. The personification of Night as a silent artist, stealing away the day with a vengeance, introduces an element of conflict and drama. This theme resonates with the universal experience of witnessing the gradual descent of darkness and the changes it brings to the landscape. Perhaps, for those witnessing light loss, feel time run out.

Formally, the poem adheres to a concise structure, with each stanza containing brief yet impactful lines. The use of enjambment, such as "Painting everything a raven black. / For darkness fell with a Vengeance," adds a sense of continuity and fluidity to the narrative. Experimenting with variations in line length or introducing strategic pauses to emphasize key moments could create an even more dynamic rhythm within the poem.

Poetic devices, particularly personification and vivid imagery, play a crucial role in conveying the atmospheric qualities of this piece. The personification of Night as a rider and painter elevates the theme, giving it a mythical and timeless quality. The choice of the color "raven black" adds a symbolic layer, evoking associations with mystery and darkness. To further enrich the poetic elements, consider exploring additional metaphors or symbolic connections that thread even more layers of meaning within the narrative.

In such short form, “Painting The Night Sky" is a captivating exploration of the transformative and enigmatic nature of the night. Your ability to craft evocative imagery and engage readers in the mysterious dance between day and night showcases a keen poetic sensibility. Hope all is well. A very belated Happy Anniversary in our shared writing community.

Sincerely,

Brian
WDC Angel Army
and Account Anniversary Reviewer
Non-Animated Angel Army Signature


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
30
30
Review of Rinse and Repeat  
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello George,

"Rinse and Repeat is an unusual prose piece that encapsulates life's cyclical nature through concise, rhythmic expressions. The brevity of each line contributes to the overall impact, distilling the complexities of existence into a series of succinct actions. The poem unfolds as a contemplative journey, inviting readers to reflect on the inherent patterns and paradoxes of life.

Your style is characterized by its minimalist approach and the repetition of concise verb-noun pairs, encapsulating the essence of various life stages and actions. The simplicity of language enhances the accessibility of the piece, allowing readers to readily engage with the universal themes presented. The use of monosyllabic words in each line contributes to a rhythmic quality, creating a steady cadence that mirrors the repetitive nature of life's cycles.

The theme revolves around the cyclical nature of life, encapsulating a spectrum of experiences from growth and learning to struggle and achievement. The verb-noun pairs encapsulate distinct moments and actions, presenting a condensed yet comprehensive panorama of the human journey. The cyclical progression from birth ("Rise, eat, grow") to death ("Spurt, sate, die") captures the inevitability and continuity of existence.

Formally, the prose piece takes on an unusual structure, presenting a list of actions in three-word combinations. The absence of strict punctuation or line breaks contributes to the seamless flow, emphasizing the interconnectedness of the presented actions. Consider experimenting with subtle variations in line length or introducing strategic pauses to enhance the piece's dynamic quality and create shifts in rhythm.

Poetic devices, particularly repetition, contribute significantly to the poem's rhythmic quality and thematic resonance. The repetition of the verb-noun pairs creates a steady beat that echoes life's repetitive patterns. The pairing of contrasting actions within each triplet, such as "Learn, fail, burn," adds complexity to the narrative, acknowledging the dualities inherent in the human experience. To further enrich the poetic elements, consider exploring metaphorical language or symbolic connections that deepen the layers of meaning within each action.

I found a unique approach in this exploration of life's cyclical nature, presented with brevity and rhythmic precision. Continue to experiment with poetic devices to deepen the emotional and thematic resonance that stands out in your writing. Your ability to distill life's complexities into concise and impactful expressions showcases a keen understanding of the human experience. It was of benefit to have paused and perused this prose to formulate an offer review.

Sincerely,

Brian
WDC Angel Army Reviewer
Non-Animated Angel Army Signature


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
31
31
Review of Sans Title  
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello Paige,

In "Sans Title," you paint an compelling portrait of the complex emotions and contradictions that shape your inner world. The opening lines plunge the reader into the heart of chaos, establishing a thematic foundation rooted in tumultuous elements: "Chaos is my home. I am the product of Dismay and White Noise." This bold declaration immediately sets the tone for a visceral exploration of the tumultuous aspects of life.

Your style is characterized by concise yet powerful language, capturing the essence of each emotion with brevity. The use of personification, attributing human qualities to abstract concepts like Chaos and Fear, adds a layer of depth to the narrative. This personification engages the reader, inviting them to navigate the emotional landscape alongside the narrator. The short, declarative sentences create a rhythmic cadence, intensifying the impact of each emotional state. Something I can truly relate.

The theme revolves around the juxtaposition of chaos and tranquility, fear and love, darkness and quietude. The progression from chaos to an appreciation of quiet and solitude conveys a transformative journey. The personification of abstract concepts lends a poetic quality to the exploration of internal conflict. This theme resonates with the universal human experience of navigating opposing forces within oneself and finding moments of solace amidst chaos.

Formally, the prose poem structure allows for a fluid exploration of emotions, unencumbered by traditional verse constraints. The use of concise, standalone statements mirrors the fragmented nature of feelings and thoughts. Consider experimenting with line breaks or varied sentence structures to introduce subtle shifts in pacing, enhancing the poem's ebb and flow.

Poetic devices, particularly personification, play a significant role in elevating the emotional resonance of the poem. The personification of Fear as a close companion adds a poignant layer to the narrative, portraying fear not merely as an abstract concept but as a relationship. To further enrich the poem, explore metaphorical language or symbolic elements that can amplify the emotional nuances and create vivid imagery.

The title had grabbed my eye: "Sans Title". I found this a compelling journey through the emotional spectrum, artfully navigating the complexities of internal conflict. Your ability to distill complex emotions into vivid expressions showcases a keen understanding of the poetic craft. Of course, at 4 a.m., this is when these distilled thoughts need be purged. A troubled brain knows not rest until we get those ‘aha!’ moments onto the page. Well done.

Sincerely,

Brian
WDC Angel Army Reviewer
Non-Animated Angel Army Signature


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
32
32
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Liz,

In "A Taste Of Asphalt," you've crafted a vivid and intense prose poem that immerses a reader in the aftermath of a motorcycle accident. The opening lines paint a stark scene with "Blinding oranges and reds," setting the tone for a visceral exploration of a moment frozen in time. The use of vibrant colors and sensory imagery, such as flames licking up gasoline and the jet black asphalt, immediately engages the reader in a scene wrought with intensity.

Your style is characterized by its evocative language and attention to sensory details. The personification of flames as having "vaporous tongues" adds a striking visual element to the poem, infusing the scene with an almost otherworldly quality. The comparison of a sound to the "grinding screech of a metal monster" introduces an auditory layer that contributes to the overall sensory experience. This style invites readers to not only visualize but also feel and hear the elements within the narrative.

The theme you reveal revolves around the aftermath of a motorcycle accident, encapsulating the fragility of life and the abruptness of mortality. The imagery of "Liquid life drips from a hundred cuts" conveys the stark reality of physical injury, while the motorcycle lying as a "slumbering silver beast" symbolizes the cessation of movement and life. The theme invites contemplation on the delicate balance between life and death, as well as the impact of sudden, irreversible events.

Formally, the prose poem structure allows for a seamless exploration of the scene, unbound by traditional verse constraints. The use of concise, descriptive language and brief, impactful sentences contributes to the poem's pacing. Consider experimenting with line breaks or varied sentence structures to introduce subtle shifts in rhythm, emphasizing the emotional weight of each moment.

Poetic devices, such as personification and vivid imagery, significantly enhance the emotional resonance of this piece. The personification of the motorcycle as a "slumbering silver beast" and the vivid portrayal of the scene contribute to a remarkable narrative. To further enrich your poem, you could explore metaphorical language or symbolic elements that deepen the thematic resonance and should evoke a broader emotional response from your audience.

In conclusion, your prose is a gripping exploration of a traumatic moment, capturing sensory and emotional facets of the scene. Continue to explore poetic devices that could deepen the emotional and thematic resonance you have built here. Your ability to create a vivid and emotionally charged atmosphere showcases a keen sensitivity to your craft. A pleasure to have found this and more, and wanted to pass along my thoughts.

Sincerely,

Brian
WDC Angel Army Reviewer
Non-Animated Angel Army Signature


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
33
33
Review of Autumn  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Anniversary Reviews email siggie


*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY from "Anniversary Reviews*ConfettiV*
We Celebrate your writing this month.


Happy Account Anniversary Happy 2024!
or should I say Biddle, Connie ? *Think*

It’s your Writing.Com Account Anniversary this month. I’m a group reviewer who has been prying to find this little poem "Autumnto lend comment.

"Autumn" is a beautifully crafted ‘Whitney’ poem that encapsulates the essence of the season, with concise elegance. The structure, employed by you, adheres to the prescribed syllable count, and within these constraints, you still manage to create a vivid snapshot of autumn's transformative beauty. The brevity of each line adds to the impact, allowing each word to resonate, and contribute, to the overall sensory experience.

Your style is marked here by its simplicity and precision, emphasizing the inherent beauty of autumn through carefully chosen words. The poem begins with the stark image of "drops red leaves," capturing the visual spectacle of falling foliage. This starkness is followed by the subtle cooling of the sun, a sensory shift that aligns with the changing weather. The concise phrases, such as "clears the air" and "shortens the day," create a vivid progression, seamlessly moving through the elements of autumn.

The theme revolves around the transformative nature of autumn, emphasizing the visual and atmospheric changes that define the season. The shift from summer to fall is depicted through a series of concise yet evocative images, each line contributing to the overall portrayal of this seasonal metamorphosis. The mention of blooming mums and ripening pumpkins adds a touch of warmth and abundance, creating a well-rounded representation of autumn's bounty.

The Whitney form's syllabic constraints add a layer of discipline to the poem, requiring precision in expression. The seven-line structure allows for a concise exploration of autumn's key features, while maintaining a sense of rhythmic flow. You could consider experimentation with subtle variations in line length or introducing strategic line breaks that could enhance the vision of the poem's dynamic quality, without deviating from the prescribed syllabic structure of this poetry form.

Poetic devices are subtly woven into the fabric of your offering, enhancing its sensory richness. The repetition of "drops" in the opening line adds a gentle rhythm, mimicking the falling leaves. The use of strong verbs, such as "cools," "clears," and "shortens," contributes to the poem's vivid and active language. To further enrich the poetic elements even further, for this or any other poem, consider exploring metaphorical language or introducing symbolic connections that deepen the thematic resonance for your reading audience.

My favorite season to wield words about, “Autumn" is a delightful exploration of the season's transformative beauty within the constraints of the Whitney form. Continue to experiment with poetic devices to deepen the emotional and thematic resonance complimentary to your visionary words.. Your ability to capture the essence of autumn within the structured confines of the Whitney form showcases a keen understanding of poetic craft.

A belated happy anniversary to you.



Sincerely,

Brian
WDC Super Power
and Account Anniversary Reviewer
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning!  Winner of six Quills!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
34
34
Review of On Being Alone  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello C.E. Thieroff ,

"On Being Alone" presents a touching introspective exploration of the narrator's experience with solitude, love, and the complexities of relationships. This item described as prose (could be assigned different category?) offers a candid glimpse into some internal reflections, addressing the loneliness that coexists with the desire for companionship. The theme of solitude and its emotional impact is a universal one, making the narrative relatable to a broad audience, of which I know a few right now.

The approach to the subject matter is deeply personal and authentic, creating an immediate connection between narrator and reader. The introspective nature of this piece allows readers to empathize with that longing for companionship, acknowledgment of personal shortcomings, and reflection about past relationships. The informal tone and conversational style contribute to the authenticity, inviting a reader to connect with the internal dialogue.

The theme of loneliness is effectively conveyed through the described yearning for physical touch, companionship, and the tenderness observed in others' relationships. The contrast between the convenience of solitude and the emotional void it leaves is discernible. The narrator's self-awareness regarding personal shortcomings adds depth to the portrayal of loneliness, as the internal struggle, is not solely attributed to external circumstances, but also to introspective acknowledgment.

The telling here exhibits a strong command of grammar and language, maintaining clarity and coherence throughout. The straightforward expression aligns with the conversational style, facilitating ease of understanding for readers like myself. The use of sentence structure effectively conveys the emotional nuances, emphasizing the narrator's feelings of ache, self-awareness, and the complexities of past loves.

Literary devices, such as metaphors and similes, are sparingly used but contribute to the vivid imagery within the prose. The comparison of the narrator's heart being crumpled "like a fender into a telephone pole at forty miles an hour" is a poignant metaphor that encapsulates the emotional impact of past heartbreaks. Consider incorporating more metaphorical language or symbolic connections to further enrich your narrative here and evoke a deeper emotional response.

Suggestions for improvement could involve experimenting with varied sentence structures or introducing brief moments of reflection on specific memories. This could add a nuanced layer to the narrative and engage readers on a more sensory and emotional level. For example, expanding on a specific memory or incorporating dialogue could enhance the reader's connection to the narrator's experiences.

Upon completion of my perusal of this offering, a compelling and sincere exploration of solitude, love, and self-awareness was discovered. The authenticity of the narrative, coupled with a strong command of language, creates a piece that resonates with readers on an emotional level. Consider further developing the use of literary devices and experimenting with narrative structure to enhance the richness of the prose. It is relatable and a worthy write to have considered for this response.

Sincerely,

Brian
WDC Super Power Reviewer
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning!  Winner of six Quills!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
35
35
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Anniversary Reviews email siggie


*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY!!! from "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*
Celebrating your writing this month with a review.


Happy WDC Account Anniversary Kristina ~ ,
belated actually,

I perused your poetry, in recognition of your 11 years as a member in our writing community. And so, I decided to review "Which One Will Win?, adorned with the sky blue ribbon.

Your poem provoked thought that drew upon the metaphor of two wolves, to explore the internal struggles within the human soul. The opening lines immediately set a contemplative tone, presenting the turmoil within, as a conflict between two opposing forces. The use of vivid imagery, such as "gnarling and snarling in a fight," creates a visceral portrayal of the inner conflict, inviting readers to visualize the emotional struggles described.

Your style is marked by clarity, and a directness of expression that enhances the impact of the poem's message. The metaphor of the two wolves provides a tangible and relatable image for readers, making the internal struggle accessible. The concise and straightforward language mirrors the simplicity of the allegorical message, allowing the central theme to resonate with clarity. The poem unfolds as a moral reflection, prompting readers to introspect, and consider the choices that shape their internal landscape.

The theme revolves around the internal conflict between opposing forces, within the human soul, as symbolized by the two wolves. The dichotomy of good and evil, kindness and hatred, love and anger, is presented with stark clarity. The moral question of which wolf will prevail becomes a universal inquiry, inviting readers to reflect on their own choices, and actions. The poem's message aligns with the timeless wisdom found in the old Cherokee legend, emphasizing the power of individual choice, in shaping one's character.

Formally, the poem adheres to a straightforward structure, utilizing concise stanzas to convey its message. The use of short lines contributes to the poem's rhythmic quality, creating a steady pace that mirrors the internal struggle described. You might consider experimenting with variations in line length, or introducing subtle pauses, to enhance the piece's dynamic quality, and emphasize key moments, within the narrative.

Poetic devices, particularly metaphor and repetition, play a crucial role in conveying the poem's allegorical message. The repeated phrase "Which one will win" becomes a refrain, emphasizing the central question, and prompting introspection. The metaphor of the two wolves serves as a powerful symbol, encapsulating the internal dualities that shape human behavior. To further enrich the poetic elements, exploring variations in language, or introducing symbolic connections that deepen the layers of meaning within the allegory, might be beneficial, in relation to connection for readers.

Looking again, "Which One Will Win?" is a reflective exploration of internal struggles, and the choices that define the human soul. Refining the form to enhance its dynamic quality, if you choose, and continue to experiment with poetic devices, could deepen the emotional, and thematic, resonance. Your ability to convey a timeless moral message, with clarity, and resonance, showcases a keen understanding of the human experience.

Sincerely,

Brian
WDC Super Power Reviewers Group
WDC Anniversary Reviewer
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning!  Winner of six Quills!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
36
36
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
~~~ A Newbie Review ~~~


Hello Riply Duke,

In your prose piece, "Consider the Seed," you embark on a contemplative journey, drawing parallels between the growth of a seed and the emotional resilience required during times of heartbreak. The opening lines beckon readers to empathize with the seed's transformative process, "think of a seed and how it must feel," immediately establishing a metaphorical foundation that sets the tone for introspective exploration.

Your style is characterized by its brevity and impactful imagery. The concise sentences mirror the seed's gradual expansion and burst forth, enhancing this depicted sensory quality. The use of second-person narration, addressing the reader directly with phrases like "think of a seed" and "consider the seed," fosters a sense of shared reflection, inviting readers to internalize the metaphor and connect it to their own experiences. It also passes as wisdom, advice for those needing perspective.

The theme revolves around resilience, growth, and the missed potential when growth is hindered. The metaphorical association of the seed's growth with emotional healing provides a nuanced perspective on the process of overcoming heartbreak. The theme encourages readers to ponder the potential for personal growth that can arise from adversity, emphasizing the transformative power embedded within challenging experiences.

Formally, the prose format is like free verse (poetry), as it allows for a free-flowing exploration of ideas, unbound by traditional verse structures. The absence of line breaks contributes to a seamless narrative, allowing the metaphor to unfold organically. You might consider experimenting with varying sentence structures or incorporating brief pauses to add a rhythmic cadence, enhancing the poem's flow while maintaining the fluidity of the offered prose.

Poetic devices are subtly interwoven throughout the poem, contributing to its emotional resonance. The metaphor of the seed serves as a powerful symbol, encapsulating the potential for growth and transformation. The use of personification, attributing emotions to the seed, fosters a deeper connection between the reader and the metaphor. To amplify the poetic elements, consider exploring additional metaphors or incorporating subtle wordplay to enrich the narrative. Or just something to hold on to for that next write.

"Consider the Seed" impresses as a thought-provoking exploration of resilience and personal growth, skillfully employing metaphor to convey complex emotional experiences. I think I would like to see you enhance its rhythmic flow, and continue to explore poetic devices to deepen the emotional and thematic resonance. It’s masterful, as is. A pleasure to discover and offer comment.

Sincerely,

Brian
WDC Angel Army Reviewer
Non-Animated Angel Army Signature


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
37
37
Review of Haiku #65  
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Rhychus ,

"Haiku #65" offers a vivid snapshot of nature, capturing the essence of anticipation and celebration among birds before the impending blizzard. I delve into the haiku's style, theme, and form to unravel its nuances, while exploring the underlying message.

The haiku adheres to the traditional 5-7-5 syllable structure, presenting a concise yet evocative scene. The brevity of the Japanese form often necessitates precision in language, and your poem achieves this succinctly. Each line contributes to the overall atmosphere, creating a visual and emotional impact.

The opening line, "birds sing in sunshine," sets a harmonious and uplifting tone. The juxtaposition of "birds" and "sunshine" creates an image of vitality and joy. The act of singing becomes a metaphor for the birds' expression of life and happiness. This line introduces a sense of immediacy, drawing readers into the moment of the birds' celebration.

The second line, "blithely before blizzard ice," introduces an impending contrast to the initial joy. The use of "blithely" conveys a carefree spirit, emphasizing the stark shift in weather that follows. The choice of "blizzard ice" conjures an image of harsh conditions, foreshadowing the challenges ahead. This line serves as a pivotal moment in the haiku, introducing a layer of tension and anticipation.

The concluding line, "quiets those taken," brings closure to the haiku with a poignant reflection on the transience of life. The word "quiets" carries a dual meaning, alluding to both the hush of the impending blizzard and the silence that follows the birds' celebration. The phrase "those taken" suggests a somber acknowledgment of the inevitable impact of nature's forces.

The thematic exploration of life's fleeting moments and the contrast between celebration and silence resonates deeply with me. The haiku prompts introspection about the cyclical nature of existence and the transient beauty found in simple, spontaneous joys. The use of alliteration and assonance punctuates reader response to the conveyance, especially in that second line.

You might consider refining the opening line for a more nuanced introduction. For example, "birds' songs echo" or "birds' melodies" could enhance the auditory aspect of their celebration, providing a more immersive experience for readers. It would tie nicely with the brief musicality employed by the mentioned poetic devices..

The obscurely titled "Haiku #65" effectively captures a delicate balance between joy and impending challenges. Its thematic depth and adherence to the haiku form contribute to a poignant reflection on the cycles of nature and life. A pleasure to have read and considered for this feedback.

Sincerely,

Brian
WDC Angel Army Reviewer
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Review of A beat of blood  
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello Tones,

"A beat of blood" presents a unique take on the traditional haiku form, deviating from the conventional 5-7-5 syllable structure. I’ve explored the poem’s elements that make this piece distinctive and how the departure from the traditional form impacts the conveyance offered.

The opening line, "I woke last night to the sound," sets the stage with a sense of awakening and awareness. The use of the first-person perspective immediately draws the reader into a personal experience. The word "sound" is open-ended, inviting curiosity about what is to come. This line establishes a contemplative mood, prompting readers to delve into the auditory experience described.

The second line, "of the drum in me," introduces a metaphorical layer to the haiku. The drum, often associated with rhythm and heartbeat, becomes a symbolic representation of something internal. This metaphor suggests an intimate connection between the speaker and the rhythmic essence within them. The choice of "in me" implies an introspective exploration, inviting readers to reflect on the nature of the internal drum.

The title, "A beat of blood," aligns seamlessly with the thematic elements of the haiku. The imagery of blood introduces a visceral and evocative element, enhancing the emotional impact of the poem. This connection between the drum and blood deepens the metaphor, suggesting a profound and life-sustaining rhythm within the speaker.

The third line, "Bloody, broken, it beat," maintains its vivid and evocative conclusion. The use of "Bloody, broken" adds a layer of intensity and vulnerability to the haiku. The juxtaposition of these descriptors with "it beat" creates a poignant contrast, emphasizing the persistence of the internal drum despite its apparent fragility.

The departure from the traditional syllable structure remains a bold choice that adds a layer of experimentation to the haiku. Almost inverted, this structure creates a sense of irregularity and disruption, aligning with the theme of brokenness. I noted something that may have been designed to enhance the intentional departure from convention. You took an extra beat. An extra space before the end line word ‘beat’’ was a visual demonstration of throwing this off its axis, just a little more. If intended, very subtle and tactile move that drew the attention of this reader.

Your haiku offers a thought-provoking exploration of internal struggle and resilience. The title enhances the poem’s thematic resonance, and the departure from the traditional structure contributes to something with a unique identity, emphasizing its experimental nature. A worthwhile endeavor that broadens perspective for this poetry consumer.

Sincerely,

Brian
WDC Angel Army Reviewer
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Review of Presession  
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.5)
~~~ A Newbie Review ~~~


Hello Kevster ,

A review of your short fiction, ‘Presession’, which I discovered on the read and review pages at WDC.

Your short fiction piece effectively creates an engaging atmosphere with its dimly lit bar setting, drawing readers into Max's world of photography and Lucy's mysterious precision. The initial hook is strong, using Max's passion and the symbolic camera bag to captivate readers' interest. The theme of precision is introduced seamlessly through Lucy's dialogue, adding depth to the narrative.

The character dynamics between Max and Lucy are well-crafted, and their contrasting perspectives on precision create an intriguing dialogue. The irony in Lucy's explanation of sniper precision adds complexity, foreshadowing a connection that unfolds throughout the story. The thematic thread of precision is consistent and contributes to the overall cohesion of the narrative.

The dialogue is a highlight, effectively revealing the personalities of Max and Lucy. The exchange of stories between them maintains reader interest, and the subtle irony in their conversation adds layers to their connection. However, consider tightening the pacing in certain sections, particularly during their interaction, to maintain momentum.

The dimly lit bar serves as a rich backdrop, but additional sensory details could be incorporated to enhance the atmosphere. Place is very important to a reader visually induced by story. You might want to strengthen the visual imagery associated with Max's photography and Lucy's precision, providing readers with a more immersive experience.

The ending, with Max and Lucy exchanging glances and acknowledging their connection, holds promise. It felt a bit vague, little to infer. To improve, delve deeper into the emotional resonance of this moment, allowing readers to feel the impact of their connection more profoundly.

This is a compelling short fiction piece with a solid foundation. Strengthening sensory details, visual imagery, and emotional resonance will elevate the overall impact, providing readers with a more immersive and memorable experience. A pleasure to have discovered and lend response.

Sincerely,

Brian
WDC Super Power Reviewer
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Review of Timid  
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello ladyabstract ,

"Timid" presents a delightful haiku that harvests the essence of nature's dance through the personification of trees. There are various aspects of this poem that contribute to it’s charm.

The first line, "Wind, the breath of life," establishes a vivid connection between the wind and life itself. By attributing breath to the wind, the haiku introduces a subtle anthropomorphic quality, implying that the wind possesses life-like characteristics. This personification sets the stage for the ensuing interaction between the wind and the trees.

The second line, "coaxes trees to sway and dance," beautifully portrays the influence of the wind on the trees. The word "coaxes" suggests a gentle encouragement, creating an image of a nurturing force guiding the trees. The choice of "sway and dance" adds a dynamic and rhythmic quality to the scene. This line effectively conveys the fluid and graceful movement of the trees as they respond to the wind's coaxing.

The third line, "till they're shy no more," introduces a touch of whimsy and personification. Describing the trees as becoming "shy" implies a certain timidity or hesitation in their initial response to the wind. However, as the dance progresses, the trees shed their timidity and fully embrace the movement. This transformation adds a layer of emotion and character to the natural elements, inviting readers to empathize with the trees' journey from timidity to confidence.

The theme revolves around the interaction between nature's elements, emphasizing the transformative power of the wind on the trees. It captures a delicate and almost playful moment in the dance of the natural world.

In terms of form, your haiku has adhered to the traditional structural form with its three lines involving the 5-7-5 syllable count. The concise and focused nature of the Japanese form allows for a succinct portrayal of the scene, conveying a complete image for me that suggests it’s emotional nuance.

As a suggestion, consider experimenting with the use of a specific season word (kigo) to ground the haiku in a particular time of year. This could enhance the traditional aspects of the poem, connecting it to the ever-changing seasons in the haiku tradition.

I found, "Timid" to be a delightful haiku that captures the grace and transformation within nature's dance. Your skillful use of personification and vivid imagery contributes to the poem's charm and evocative quality. It aligns with what I attempt to discover with a poem, and a joy to consider for this feedback.

Sincerely,

Brian
WDC Angel Army Reviewer
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In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Lenna Rivoli ,

"The Praying-Mantis" is a captivating haiku that offers a vivid glimpse into the world of the insect while evoking a sense of reverence and divinity.

The first line, "Long limbed and graceful," immediately draws attention to the physical attributes of the praying mantis. The choice of "long limbed" conjures an image of elongated limbs, creating a visual impression of elegance and delicacy. This line establishes a strong foundation for the subsequent descriptions, setting the stage for the portrayal of the insect's poised demeanor.

The second line, "In a solemn stance of poise," introduces a sense of mindfulness and intentionality. The use of "solemn" suggests a solemn seriousness, emphasizing the gravity of the mantis's posture. The word "poise" further reinforces the idea of balance and grace, portraying the insect in a state of poised readiness. This line not only describes the physical posture of the mantis but also alludes to a deeper, almost meditative quality.

The third line, "Saintly and divine," elevates the haiku to a spiritual dimension. The choice of "saintly" implies a sense of purity and holiness, while "divine" amplifies the religious undertones. This line adds a layer of metaphorical significance, inviting readers to perceive the praying mantis not merely as an insect but as a symbol of reverence. The use of religious imagery enriches the thematic depth, transforming the haiku into a contemplative piece.

The overall theme revolves around the praying mantis as a symbol of grace, poise, and perhaps even spiritual significance. The haiku beautifully captures the essence of the insect's physical and metaphorical qualities, merging the tangible with the transcendent. In terms of form, the haiku adheres to the traditional structure of three lines with a 5-7-5 syllable count. This form enhances the concise and focused nature of the poem, allowing it to convey a vivid image and evoke a specific emotional response.

As a suggestion, consider exploring the use of a specific season word (kigo) to enhance the haiku's connection to a particular time of year. This could further anchor the poem within a seasonal context and contribute to the traditional aspects of haiku.

In conclusion, this is a beautifully crafted haiku that seamlessly combines visual imagery with metaphorical depth, and perhaps a bit of personification. Your choice of language and thematic exploration results in a haiku that resonates with a sense of reverence and contemplation.

Sincerely,

Brian
WDC Angel Army Reviewer
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Review of Fall's Spire  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Maverick ,

Upon reading your haiku titled "Fall’s Spire," I'm immediately drawn into the beauty and simplicity encapsulated within the form’s three lines. The elegance of the language and the vivid imagery crafted in such a compact structure demonstrate a mastery of the haiku style. I here offer my reaction to the various elements incorporated that are contributing to beauty your poem.

The first line, "Crystalline descent," sets the tone for the entire haiku. The choice of "crystalline" conjures a sense of purity and clarity, and paired with "descent," it paints a vivid picture of something delicate falling. This could be interpreted as either rain or dew, and the ambiguity adds depth for a curious reader like me, as it invites readers to engage with the imagery on a personal level. The word "crystalline" also introduces a sense of refinement, hinting at the aesthetic quality of the natural phenomenon.

The second line, "Drops distend the lake's basin," beautifully expands on the initial image. The use of "distend" is particularly intriguing as it suggests not just a filling but a stretching, emphasizing the impact of the falling drops on the lake. This line introduces a tactile quality, making the reader feel the subtle, transformative touch of each raindrop on the lake's surface. The choice of "basin" adds a sense of containment and emphasizes the interconnectedness of nature.

The final line, "Chilled kisses, Fall's spire," gracefully concludes the haiku with a metaphorical flourish. Describing raindrops as "chilled kisses" is a poetic personification that adds an emotional layer to the natural scene. The term "Fall's spire" is a delightful play on words, seamlessly blending the seasonal reference with the image of drops descending like a spire. This line invites contemplation on the symbiotic relationship between the elements and the changing season.

The overall theme of the haiku appears to be the transformative beauty of autumn rain. It captures a moment of serene transition, where raindrops interact with the lake, echoing the cyclical patterns of nature. The seasonal reference to fall is subtly woven into the fabric of the poem, adding depth and a temporal dimension to the scene.

In terms of form, the haiku adheres to the traditional structure of three lines with a 5-7-5 syllable count. The form contributes to the poem's effectiveness, allowing it to convey a profound image and emotion within a concise framework.

As a suggestion, consider exploring the possibility of incorporating a kigo (seasonal word) more explicitly to enhance the seasonal association within the haiku. This could provide readers with an even more distinct sense of fall.

“Fall’s Spire" caught my attention by title alone, sometimes part of the poem itself. A good hook is certainly a good title. Your haiku skillfully captures the essence of autumn rain. Your use of language, imagery, and form collectively create a harmonious and evocative piece that resonates with this reader.

Sincerely,

Brian
WDC Super Power Reviewer
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Review of Wings  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello foxtale ,

"Wings" is a captivating haiku that encapsulates a profound sentiment within the brevity of three lines. The poem explores the theme of forgiveness through the imagery of white cranes and the symbolic act of folding paper. The style, theme, form, and poetic devices contribute to the haiku's elegance and emotional resonance.

The style of the haiku is characterized by its simplicity and clarity, adhering to the traditional form of this poetic genre. The brevity of haiku often demands concise language, and "Wings" achieves this, distilling a poignant message within the 17-syllable structure. The choice of words is evocative, with "wings," "forgiveness," "white cranes," and "paper creased - folded" forming a delicate tapestry of imagery and emotion.

The theme of forgiveness is central to the haiku, conveyed through the metaphor of white cranes. Cranes, in many cultures, symbolize longevity, peace, and grace. In this context, the haiku suggests that forgiveness can be a transformative and graceful process, akin to the growth of one thousand strong cranes. The act of folding paper further reinforces the theme, alluding to the meditative and deliberate nature of forgiveness. The theme invites readers to contemplate the beauty and power inherent in the act of forgiving.

This form, adhering to structural rule, deeply rooted in Japanese poetry, accentuates brevity and precision. The choice of form is fitting for the contemplative nature, allowing the reader to absorb the essence of forgiveness in a few carefully crafted lines. The brevity also adds a sense of immediacy, emphasizing the impact of forgiveness in a concise space.

Poetic devices, particularly metaphor and symbolism, enhance the haiku's depth. The metaphor of "Wings beat forgiveness" suggests a dynamic and transformative process, as if forgiveness has its own rhythm and life force. The image of "white cranes grow one thousand strong" symbolizes the abundance and strength that forgiveness can generate. Additionally, the act of folding paper serves as a symbolic gesture, echoing the intricate and intentional nature of forgiveness.

On Line Three:

The reference to folding paper could be interpreted as a nod to origami, the traditional Japanese art of paper folding, where intricate and beautiful sculptures are created by folding a single sheet of paper. Considering this interpretation adds an additional layer of meaning to the poem. In this context, the act of folding paper becomes a deliberate, intentional, and artistic process. Each fold is purposeful, requiring patience, precision, and a careful understanding of the paper's potential. Applying this to the theme of forgiveness in the haiku, the choice of origami as a metaphor suggests that forgiveness, like the delicate art of folding paper, is a thoughtful, conscious, and transformative act.

Origami involves taking something flat and two-dimensional and turning it into a three-dimensional work of art. As with forgiveness, in the haiku it could be seen as the process of transforming a complex emotional landscape into something more harmonious and beautiful. Each fold represents a step in this transformation, creating a new, intricate form from the raw material of a challenging situation.

Additionally, origami often symbolizes harmony, balance, and simplicity. By linking forgiveness to the art of origami, the haiku conveys a sense that forgiveness, like a well-crafted origami sculpture, brings balance and harmony to the emotional complexities involved. It emphasizes the idea that forgiveness is not only a resolution but also a form of emotional artistry.

The metaphor of origami also introduces a cultural layer to the poem, aligning it with Japanese traditions. This cultural context adds richness and depth to the haiku, inviting readers to consider forgiveness within the framework of a specific cultural practice. Interpreting the folding of paper as origami enriches the poem's view by infusing the intentional, transformative, and artistic qualities associated with this traditional Japanese craft. It aligns the act of forgiveness with the meticulous art of origami, creating a nuanced and culturally resonant exploration of the theme.

Suggestions for improvement:
1. Consider experimenting with line breaks to emphasize specific words or images. For example, "Wings beat / forgiveness" could be broken into two lines to highlight the rhythmic quality of forgiveness. Experimenting with line breaks can enhance the visual and auditory impact of the haiku.

2. Explore variations in punctuation or spacing to create pauses that allow readers to savor each element of the haiku. For instance, consider using an em dash or ellipsis to create subtle breaks: "Wings beat forgiveness— / White cranes grow one thousand strong..."

A beautifully crafted haiku that skillfully explores forgiveness through vivid imagery and symbolism. Your haiku's simplicity, thematic depth, and adherence to traditional form make it a compelling and contemplative piece.

Sincerely,

Brian
WDC Super Power Reviewer
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Review of Mortality  
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello green supports Israel ,

"Mortality" is a deep reflection on the inevitability of aging and realization of one's mortality. This focuses on the speaker's introspection, grappling with the gradual changes in their body and the acceptance of mortality. The style, theme, and form contribute to emotional depth and contemplative atmosphere.

The style is characterized by a straightforward and contemplative language. The speaker engages in a self-reflective monologue, openly expressing thoughts and concerns about the aging process and mortality. The tone allows this reader to empathize with the journey of self-awareness. For example, the lines "My immortality was always assumed," convey the initial assumption of eternal life, setting the stage for the subsequent reflections on aging.

The theme of mortality is central, exploring the speaker's evolving perception of their own life span. The theme is universal, resonating with readers who may also grapple with the passage of time and the changes it brings. You have navigated the tension between the speaker's initial assumption of immortality and the gradual acknowledgment of the body's aging process. This thematic exploration invites one to confront their own mortality and contemplate the essence of life.

The form of the poem is characterized by its concise structure, with each stanza presenting a distinct aspect of the speaker's reflections. The brevity of the lines mirrors the brevity of life, contributing to the overall contemplative tone. The use of enjambment between certain lines enhances the flow of thought, creating a seamless transition from one reflection to the next. The employed form aligns with its theme, offering a concise yet impactful exploration of mortality.

Poetic devices, such as metaphor and vivid imagery, elevate the emotional resonance of this piece. The metaphorical language, such as referring to the speaker's body as "machinery" and the heart wearing out with "each thumping beat," adds depth to the portrayal of aging. Additionally, the use of sensory details, like the "petite raspy sounds in my lungs," creates a vivid depiction of the speaker's physical embodiment of experiences, enhancing the reader's connection to the introspective journey.

Suggestions for improvement:
1. You could consider experimenting with the arrangement of stanzas or varying the line length to add a dynamic element to the poem. While the current structure effectively captures the contemplative tone, occasional variations in form could enhance the overall aesthetic appeal.

2. Explore the possibility of incorporating metaphorical language or symbolic imagery to further enrich the thematic exploration of mortality. Metaphors can provide readers with nuanced perspectives, fostering a deeper understanding of the emotional journey.

3. You might be able to expand on specific experiences or memories that contribute to the this contemplation of mortality. Providing more concrete details could enhance the hopeful engagement and offer a more immersive experience.

Congratulations on the Shadows’ recognition. You poem offers a sincere and introspective exploration of the speaker's evolving awareness of aging and mortality. The contemplative style, thematic depth, and effective use of poetic devices make it a poignant reflection on the human condition. I’m happy to have the opportunity to react to this writing effort.

Sincerely,

Brian
WDC Super Power Reviewer
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Review of Spectrum  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Anniversary Reviews email siggie


*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY!!! from "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*
Celebrating your writing this month with a review.


Happy Account Anniversary B4HEART ,

I’ve come to review your writing in honor of your 23 years here! An original member and still active. I poked around and managed to find something I thought would be a challenge to consider for feedback.

In "Spectrum", I find a piece that contemplates the profound mysteries of life, death, and what lies beyond this mortal coil. The poem engages with existential questions, employing a rhythmic and rhyming structure that gives the verses a melodic quality. The opening lines, "We're here today, gone tomorrow, time shall surpass," immediately set the stage for a reflective exploration of the transient nature of life and the enigma that shrouds our existence.

Stylistically, the poem adopts a conversational and contemplative tone, inviting readers to join the poet in pondering life's uncertainties. The rhyming scheme enhances the musicality of the verses, creating a cadence that guides the reader through the exploration of complex themes. The repetition of the word "Life" in the lines "Ironically, Life, Life is a Mystery" serves as a rhetorical device, emphasizing the overarching theme and the inherent mystery associated with existence.

I find a theme that revolves around the elusive nature of life, death, and the uncertainty that surrounds what comes afterward. The poem grapples with age-old questions about the origins of life, the purpose of existence, and the unknown realm of death. The reference to Adam and Eve and the mention of evolution touch upon contrasting views of our origin, adding layers to the thematic exploration. The uncertainty surrounding the afterlife is expressed through vivid imagery, such as the prism through which we flow and the possibility of encountering light.

The form of this piece, with its concise stanzas and rhyming couplets, contributes to the accessibility of the profound subject matter. The use of rhetorical questions, such as "Are we reborn or finished when life runs out?" and "Has death no being, just the end, Limbo?" prompts readers to actively engage with the poet's contemplation. The rhythmic flow of the verses creates a sense of continuity, mirroring the ongoing quest for understanding.

Poetic devices, including irony and vivid imagery, enrich the verses with layers of meaning. The use of irony in describing life as a mystery, paralleling it with historical uncertainties, highlights the paradoxical nature of our quest for answers. The imagery of death as a prism through which we flow adds a visual and conceptual dimension to the exploration, emphasizing the diverse possibilities that might await beyond life.

While your poem effectively navigates existential questions, the inclusion of specific examples or personal reflections could add a bit more of an intimate touch. If still possible to edit further, you might consider expanding on the poet's perspective or incorporating metaphorical elements to further illustrate the complexities of life and death.

Much to consider with your offering. This was an interesting experience, finding a new/old source to consider. A belated WDC Account Anniversary to you.

Sincerely,

Brian
WDC Super Power
and Account Anniversary Reviewer
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Review of Farewell My Child  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Anniversary Reviews email siggie


*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY!!! from "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*
Celebrating your writing this month with a review.


Happy Account Anniversary BScholl ,

I came to review your writing in acknowledgment of your 14th anniversary here. I couldn’t find anything new or updated in over a year, skimmed your IRA article before finding this short story.

"Farewell My Child" is a poignant exploration of the bittersweet emotions surrounding the departure of a child for college. The narrative unfolds with a reflective tone, allowing readers to connect with the universal experience of letting go. The story deftly captures the nuances of family dynamics, the impact of change, and the reassurance that love remains a steadfast companion.

The hook is emotionally resonant, immediately drawing one into the heart of the story. The opening paragraph, with the departure of Brittany for college, sets the stage for a narrative rich in introspection and the complexities of family relationships. The line, "After eighteen and a half years of being her daddy, all I felt was -- my heart breaking," encapsulates the emotional core of the piece, creating an empathetic connection with parents like myself who've faced a similar milestone.

The theme here revolves around the inevitability of change, the challenges of adjusting to an "empty nest," and the enduring nature of familial love. The story adeptly navigates the emotional landscape of the characters, delving into the mother's grief and the father's attempts at comfort. The theme is relatable, offering readers a mirror to their own experiences or those they anticipate.

The use of dialogue is a notable strength for this story, capturing the authenticity of familial interactions. The exchange between the husband and wife at Bill's Steakhouse provides a window into their emotional struggles, fears, and attempts to find solace. For example, the wife's line, "It’s just that she won’t be part of our daily lives. She won’t be our little girl. She won’t be Brittany. She’ll change," reflects the poignant realization of a parent grappling with the transformative nature of their child's departure.

The ending brings a heartwarming twist with Brittany's text message, introducing a sense of hope and continuity. This unexpected moment serves as a positive resolution, offering solace for the parents and reinforcing the idea that change can also bring new forms of connection. The line, "Farewell my child, you've grown up today," beautifully encapsulates the sentiment of letting go while cherishing the memories of childhood.

Suggestions for improvement:
1. Consider further exploration of the father's internal thoughts and emotions. Providing insight into his perspective during key moments could deepen the emotional impact and enhance the reader's connection with his character. I can tell you as a father, all kinds of scenarios play out…good and bad.

2. Utilize sensory details to evoke a more vivid setting. Enhancing descriptions of the restaurant, characters, and surroundings could contribute to a more immersive reading experience. For example, elaborating on the ambiance of Bill's Steakhouse or incorporating more visual details during key moments could enrich the storytelling. Sometimes, the setting triggers our subconscious thought, intermingles with those moments in ways we can’t separate from in memory.

3. Explore the theme of resilience and adaptation. While the story touches on the challenges of change, further emphasis on the characters' resilience and their journey toward adapting to the new phase of life could add layers to the narrative. Sometimes, it’s about what you can’t foresee, ultimately over-prepare for. A comparative I’ve had is either a vacation or camping trip, having supplies for every situation, yet we overpack and still omit the necessary.

In conclusion, as a father of a college dropout, "Farewell My Child" successfully captures the emotional complexities of a significant life transition for me. The story effectively balances introspection, dialogue, and a heartwarming resolution, providing readers with a relatable and moving narrative. In my case, this could have been a horror story ramp up, including the financial advisor (real) who got me into an annuity to hide my money to preserve his potential for federal funding/grant opportunities. My annuity is still worth the initial seed money. No longer enjoying that 10% annual bump. And a year of wasted college money. Worse, impact on my son who couldn’t tell me he was failing, out of fear. He was not ready. I image most think about the cost and value of college over what the investment will bring.

This story gave me plenty to recall and consider. Lots of planned money for college not being used now. If any of the 80k remaining wil ever be used by either kid…and what to do with this non-taxed money…dunno. At least I have a big annuity *Laugh**Cry* and a bunch of Roth’s for her and me, other investments, properties, her life insurance, her 401k that rivals all our savings, and cash on hand. My kid is working full-time, stays at home, earns 4% on the 30k he’s already saved…in 3 years time. He says he’s paying me back. *Laugh* So many things with this story reminding me, and I’m only thinking of money as parent. *Sad*

Your story was a trip down memory lane, and was happy to discover. Have a great WDC Account Birthday/Anniversary!

Sincerely,

Brian
WDC Super Power
and Anniversary Reviewer
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Review of Dancing Nowhere  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Anniversary Reviews email siggie


*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY!!! from "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*
Celebrating your writing this month with a review.


Happy WDC Anniversary Annie,

I find some items viewable in your portfolio and was drawn to this old poem. "Dancing Nowhere" delicately explores the poignant theme of memory loss and the profound impact it has on individuals and their loved ones. The opening lines, "Locked inside a changing mind / While others search for the key," immediately draw the reader into the emotional landscape of the poem. The metaphor of a changing mind as a locked space sets the tone for a reflective exploration of the challenges and losses associated with memory deterioration.

Stylistically, the poem adopts a contemplative and measured tone, mirroring the gradual and often disorienting process of memory loss. The simplicity of language contributes to the accessibility of the verses, allowing the emotional weight of the subject matter to resonate with readers. The short and concise lines create a sense of rhythmic flow, mirroring the passage of time and the incremental nature of memory decline.

The theme revolves around the impact of memory loss, specifically the gradual fading of sweet memories and the unsettling reality of becoming unrecognizable to one's own children. The imagery of memories disappearing "till there is nothing left but breath" paints a vivid picture of the diminishing essence of self. The repetition of the word "breath" reinforces the idea that even when memories fade, the essence of life persists until the very end.

The poem adopts a structured form, with each stanza contributing to the narrative arc. The gradual progression from the search for the key to the ultimate release, as God "turns the key and sets them free," follows a logical and emotional trajectory. This structure adds coherence to your poem and guides the reader through the poignant journey of memory loss.

Poetic devices, such as metaphor and personification, enrich the verses with layers of meaning. The mind being described as a changing space and the search for the key serve as powerful metaphors for the complexity and difficulty of addressing memory decline. The personification of God turning the key not only adds a spiritual dimension to the narrative but also conveys a sense of release and liberation from the struggles of a life "dancing nowhere."

While the poem effectively communicates the emotional weight of memory loss, incorporating specific examples or vivid anecdotes could have deepened the reader's connection to this valuable insight of the subject matter. For instance, getting further into particular memories that slip away or describing the impact on familial relationships might enhance the emotional resonance of the poem. It’s ripe with possibilities for more, or a new approach now that time has passed.

I have a connection to memory loss, preparing for the possibility. This poem drew me in and helped gain perspective. Hope to see you around again writing and submitting your poems.

Sincerely,

Brian
WDC Super Power
and Anniversary Reviewer

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48
48
Review of Pajama Feet  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
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*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY!!! from "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*
Celebrating your writing this month with a review.


Happy WDC Anniversary DJ,

I discovered your writing here as a Writing.Com Account Anniversary reviewer. A fan of the written verses, I considered this poem because of its title for the following feedback:

"Pajama Feet" evokes a tender yet heart-wrenching narrative; it skillfully captures the innocence of a child's anticipation juxtaposed with the stark reality of loss. I found the style of your poem is straightforward, using concise language to convey a poignant story. The choice of short, simple phrases adds to the emotional impact, allowing this reader to connect with the rawness of the depicted moment.

The theme revolves around the fragile beauty of childhood joy and the abrupt confrontation with life's harshness. The initial scenes of a happy little boy, excited about Christmas and a promised toy, create a warm annd relatable atmosphere. The abrupt shift in tone, however, appears masterfully executed, as the revelation of the mother's passing shatters the festive illusion. This thematic duality creates a poignant contrast that can linger in the reader's emotions.

Formally, your offering adheres to a consistent rhyme scheme, contributing to its rhythmic flow. The repetition of the phrase "Pajama Feet" acts as a poignant refrain, emphasizing the innocence associated with the child. The use of vivid imagery, such as "glistening snow" and "twinkling bright lights," enhances the sensory experience, immersing those who might peruse with the festive setting before the heartbreaking revelation and turn of events, sometimes negating one of the happiest times of the year..

Poetic devices are employed herein with subtlety, allowing the narrative to brilliantly shine. The personification of the house, described as "stands silent," adds a haunting yet powerful quality to the scene, amplifying the emptiness felt by the child. The metaphorical use of the mother's passing, described as her heart ceasing to "play," adds depth to the emotional impact. It leaves one longing for that lost interaction and joy with her.

I tend to offer suggestions when I review, where I can. Something I thought: Consider exploring additional metaphorical elements or symbolic imagery to further enrich the layers of the poem. For instance, introducing symbols associated with hope or resilience could amplify the emotional journey of the young protagonist. An older poem, I’m sure you’re happy with it.

The conclusion of “Pajama Feet” leaves a lingering sense of sorrow and empathy for the young boy, which is emphasizing this fragility of life and the unexpected turns it can take…the unfairness of it for a child to experience. The juxtaposition of the child's innocent excitement with the harsh reality of loss is a powerful testament to the unpredictable nature of existence. Well worth considering.

A belated Account Anniversary. It was a pleasure considering your words and lending comment.

Sincerely,

Brian
WDC Super Power
and Anniversary Reviewer
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning!  Winner of six Quills!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
49
49
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Anniversary Reviews email siggie


*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY!!! from "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*
Celebrating your writing this month with a review.


Happy WDC Anniversary Cynaemon ,

I was poking around your Writing.Com portfolio and wanted to send a review for your 20th anniversary here. This title caught my eye: “An Ode on Extinction", which unfolds as a poignant lamentation for the loss of nature's treasures, blending vivid imagery with a call to action. The poem's opening lines immediately immerse the reader in a vivid landscape, as the fire in the ancient forest becomes a powerful symbol of destruction. The use of the fire as a metaphor carries emotional weight, as it not only describes a physical event but also encapsulates the broader theme of environmental degradation.

Stylistically, the poem adopts a solemn and reflective tone, echoing the elegiac tradition of odes. The choice of an ode as a form aligns with the gravity of the subject matter, providing a structured framework for the expression of grief and urgency. The simplicity of language, particularly in phrases like "Waves crash on long-forgotten shores," contributes to the elegiac quality, allowing the reader to feel the weight of each line.

The theme centers around the irreversible loss of elements of nature, from the ancient forest to the long-forgotten shores. The poem explores the impact of human activities on the environment, emphasizing the consequences that extend beyond the physical realm to the metaphysical, as seen in the choking gods and silenced creatures of the deep. The use of repetition, such as "never be heard again" and "never be seen again," underscores the permanence of this loss, creating a sense of inevitability.

Poetic devices, such as personification, infuse the verses with a sense of empathy and interconnectedness. The wind, river, and voice of the voiceless become anthropomorphic conduits for conveying the sorrow of the natural world. The personification of the wind, for instance, as it sighs "through leafy treetops where my children sing," adds a layer of intimacy to the narrative, inviting the reader to empathize with the voiceless entities.

The plea "I am the voice of the voiceless ~ Hear my cry!" serves as a powerful climax, emphasizing the urgency of addressing environmental issues. The use of the exclamation mark underscores the impassioned call, urging readers to pay heed to the cries of nature. This direct appeal elevates the poem beyond a mere elegy, transforming it into a call to action.

While the poem effectively communicates its lament for the loss of nature, further exploration of specific examples or vivid descriptions could enhance the reader's emotional connection. For instance, expanding on the unique characteristics of the ancient forest or the long-forgotten shores could evoke a more immersive experience. Perhaps, for a future poem, as this has been on lock down here many years.

Well, a belated anniversary acknowledgment it is. I was happy to have this opportunity to acknowledge your work here with the help of anniversary group.

Sincerely,

Brian
WDC Super Power
and Anniversary Reviewer
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning!  Winner of six Quills!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
50
50
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Anniversary Reviews email siggie


*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY!!! from "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*
Celebrating your writing this month with a review.


Happy Account Anniversary BlueJay ,

I thought I’d stop by as a reviewer from the WDC Account Anniversary group. Upon discovering your writing, I came across this song parody and gave it a read-aloud listen.

"I'm Beginning To Get A Migraine Headache" presents a humorous and relatable twist on the classic Christmas song, offering a playful take on the challenges of daily life. The song parody you offer seems to skillfully maintain the structure and rhythm of the original while injecting a dose of everyday reality. The opening lines immediately set the tone, with title line, blending humor with a candid depiction of the speaker's hectic routine, creating a delightful juxtaposition.

Stylistically, your poem embraces a conversational and informal tone, aligning with the parody genre. The choice to use the structure of a well-known Christmas song adds an element of familiarity, allowing your readers to easily engage with the humorous adaptation. The rhyme scheme and rhythm mirror the original song, contributing to the playful cadence that underscores the comical aspects of the speaker's experiences.

The theme revolves around the chaotic nature of a typical day, highlighting the mundane challenges that often go unnoticed. Through the lens of that humor, the poem captures the universal struggles of balancing work, family, and daily responsibilities. The recurring motif of a migraine headache serves as a comical thread, weaving through each stanza and unifying the various scenarios into a cohesive and yet repetitive narrative.

The poem cleverly employs hyperbole, exaggerating the challenges faced by the speaker, such as the kid eating sticks or the cat choosing the den as the perfect spot for regurgitation. These exaggerated elements contribute to the humor and serve as a vehicle for the reader to empathize with the speaker's chaotic day in a lighthearted manner. Actually, my cats puke on the carpet a lot, too.

While yourvsong parody effectively communicates its humorous intent, a suggestion for further enhancement could involve expanding on specific details to create more vivid images. For example, you could look into expanding upon the unique aspects of the speaker's work or family life which could add layers to the humor. Additionally, incorporating more creative language or wordplay could elevate the comedic impact.

It was a unique pleasure to have found this among your writing. Eighteen years ago a newbie. Got me beat by one. Belated anniversary wishes,

Sincerely,

Brian
WDC Super Power
and Anniversary Reviewer
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning!  Winner of six Quills!



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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