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246 Public Reviews Given
1,179 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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Review of Protect and Serve  
Review by River McKenna
Rated: E | (5.0)
A good example of those lives given to the service of other's. This is deep! It makes you stop and think. It reminds me of a poem I wrote called "The Peacemaker". These sort of people live on, giving so much, but much is left unfulfilled within themselves... and yet much IS fulfilled, because of the service rendered. It's kind of ironic, or two-fold. I really like how you relayed this message. Well done! This is wonderful writing... I enjoy your insight, and have made a note to read more of your stuff! -River Mckenna

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Review by River McKenna
Rated: E | (4.5)
A good message for environmentalists. Nicely done! -River Mckenna

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Review of Naked Santa  
Review by River McKenna
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
You are an excellent writer... probably from years of experience. I enjoy poetry. My stuff isn't great like this though. This one is awesome! I love your humor and you have excellent rythym going on. I struggle with humor. *Frown* I can't do it. Feel free to stop by my port and give me your thoughts on my work. I just try to write about stuff that matters to me. Thanks for sharing a great poem. I see that this already has 84 people who have rated it... not like you need another! *Smile* But you're getting one anyway. See you around! -River Mckenna

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Review of Young Oblivion  
Review by River McKenna
Rated: E | (4.0)
Stephen,

This is good! I like your stab at sarcasm. It has such truth to it and is interesting to the reader, for the right audience anyway. I like how you painted the typical business man father on the telephone, ignoring his son. There is such truth to it, from the child learning reality from a stranger and how you liken government spending to death. This is fantastic writing. You say so much in such a short space. Thank you for sharing!

-River Mckenna

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Review by River McKenna
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Caroline! And welcome to Writing.com. It is such a pleasure to your work. Please note that the rating scale varies from person to person. To me, a 3.0-3.5 is average and well done, a 4.0 is excellent, a 4.5 is above and beyond excellent, almost perfect, and a 5.0 is perfection, it is deep and really moves me. Please don't take each review personally, as it is just a brief summary of what your work has meant to that person reviewing.

On your item, When Trust Meets Lust...

I found the title to be very insteresting. It grabs the reader's attention because it's a contradiction in a way. I think this poem is deep and full of emotion. I especially love your last lines in each stanza. Take just these four sentences alone and it could be a story/poem in itself! Thank you for sharing a good write and I look forward to seeing more from you!

-River Mckenna


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Review by River McKenna
Rated: E | (3.0)
You start out strong, but it gets weaker as we go toward the end. Keep the intensity going! *Smile*

Some editing notes:

Watch some of your rhyming words. Couplets can be hard to do.

"Her dreamy eyes adds to my surprise deeper." - examine this sentence and maybe restructure it.

I think you have amazing insight. Your challenge is more in the words, examine their meaning. Keep re-writing! You've got it, and you can only make it better. I am a fan of your work... thanks for sharing your talent.

-River
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Review of Derelict  
Review by River McKenna
Rated: E | (4.5)
This is really good! I love your form and your style of writing. The emotion is well expressed! Only one minor note:

on the verse:

"Make you cry and give vent to your feelings." I would just leave out the word "give"

"Make you cry and vent your feelings" sounds much more descriptive and poetic, it is in the verb "vent" that we find the charge and electriciy for description.... the word "give" just takes away from it.

The same thing happens with "Your dried flowers want to blossom again"

the word "want" could be replaced with another action word that would just light up the phrase, like"ache" or "desire" -- run it in a thesauraus and see what you get. Just changing this one word can change the whole poem.

Do you see what I mean?? Just send me an email if I'm not making sense...it's late for me and I should probably start winding down. LOL

Thanks for sharing.. this is great and I look forward to seeing more of your work! Nicely done!

-River
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Review of Echoes in Time  
Review by River McKenna
Rated: E | (3.0)
I get the sense of what you are are trying to say in this one, but there are some breaks in the overall flow. Be careful of wording, and certain phrases that are overused and have become generic in the general public. The depth and emotion are there, just zero in more on what it is you are really trying to say. Maybe take it line by line and examine each phrase. Please don't take this the wrong way, I wouldn't take the time to review if I was not a fan of your work. I just think this has the potential to be truly grand! So I am pushing you a bit. Thanks for sharing! -River
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Review of Insomnia  
Review by River McKenna
Rated: E | (3.0)
What an awesome topic! I suffer from insomnia, so I can identify with this one. My favorite part is the end, about it being 6am and having to still get up and face the day. Wow, that is the truth, isn't it?? I'm giving this 3 stars because it's good! It has potential. I think you can work more with the words--thesauraus some of these, examine deeper what it is you are really trying to say, focus in on the verbs especially, because they can really be the "meat" of description. Spend more time on it--and it will just ripen and become better. Please don't take this the wrong way. I never review anything that I don't think is good. This is an awesome start, just keep revising, I think you can go deeper. Thanks for sharing! Keep writing! -River
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