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535 Public Reviews Given
665 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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151
151
Review of rooftop moment  
Rated: E | (4.5)
rabbit,
You have a very well written free verse poem here. 1. I found absolutely no spelling or grammar errors.
2. Your choice of punctuation was very good.
3. The poem flows very smoothly, is clear, and easy to understand.
4. The one thing I would change is to capitalize the title.
5. My favorite part is: "I tasted the fear of falling,
and walking back inside to the dark, breath-held
and closed-window stillness
was not unbearable."...the ending is very descriptive.

Good Job!
Rob
152
152
Rated: E | (4.5)
Katiedid,
This is a good story poem. I can't say that I've seen one like it before, but it's good.
1. I saw no spelling or grammar errors.
2. The title fits the content in your poem.
3. Some lines felt a little forced, too many, or too few syllables, or a forced rhyme, I have no suggestions for you other than you may consider reading it aloud to see if you feel it warrants any changes.
Still, it was a clear, and easily understood poem. it shows exactly what motherly intuition will do for you.
Rob
153
153
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
StoryMaster,
I found your rant to be quite entertaining, quite illuminating, quite effective, and quite called for. I would have given you two 5's for your rating, but I found a mistake so I had to deduct 5.5 from the 10.
1. I found one word that needs changed in the whole article. It's in the third paragraph from the end.
"I take a lot of pride in the fact the Writing.Com is able to provide" (the Writing.Com) should be (that Writing.com).

2. Your rant was both called for, and very well put.
3.Everything was clear, and concise, with no grammar problems.
Very well written. I couldn't pick out a favorite part because it was all so informative. Good Job.
Rob

154
154
Rated: E | (4.5)
peddle,
Congrats on your honorable mention.
1.The title works well with the poem.{/c]}
2.I saw no spelling or grammar errors. The poem is easy to understand, clear and concise.
3.The only problem I see is some lines are too long for the smooth flow of the poem.
a.Paragraph 2."As our gaze met and locked she smiled just a bit"
.maybe just (As our eyes met, she smiled just a bit)
b.Paragraph 3."Then she remembered her prison of self-imposed grief"...maybe just (In flowed her prison of self imposed grief)

My favorite part is the last stanza:
"By living to be our brother’s keeper
We touch our lives to something deeper;
To let someone know there still is much love
From their fellowmen and our God above."...How true this is, now if people could somehow get the message.
Remember, these are just my opinion, nothing more. You may use them, or lose them, the choice is yours.
Good Job,
Rob



155
155
Review of The Battle Lines  
Rated: E | (5.0)
srktrider,
Good Job on this poem.
1.The title works well with this poem.{/c]

2.The poem is clear, easy to understand, and powerful. The rhymes work well.

3.I saw no spelling or grammar errors.

4.The poem flows very smoothly. I think you have a winner here.
Good Job!
Rob
156
156
Review of Life 3  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Matt,
I enjoyed the poem, but saw a hiccup. The last two lines of stanza one are repetitive. You may want to come up with abother rhyme for that. The rest of the poem seems to work well with the title.
I saw no spelling or grammar errors,and the piece flows well.
Rob
157
157
Rated: E | (4.5)
Susan,
I love the poem. Good free verse. I found one misspelling my friend.
1."An assemble of shadows"... should be assembly.

2. The poem flowed very smoothly even with minimal punctuation.

3.I think it would flow better with some well placed (,)'s and (.)'s. I'll give you my take, just suggestions.
"Even the air spun wrong,
It felt the blow of leaves, like circus bullets.
Two things that should never happen,
a Fair should never run out of ice cream,
and a Theater should never close.

Slice the breath with a kitchen knife.
Space is out sick today,
having a hard time catching the sky.
The cement paths of the park
emptier than the
the silence of footfalls
that only echo past loneliness.

An assembly of shadows
gather to mourn the loss of realism,
swirling and screaming around with
spectral jealousy.
Why is it
we look at them as extensions of ourselves,
but shadows look at us
as what they used to be,
not remembering how to call us back
to them?

This can’t end good!
Statues feel the severance of
hands that molded them from
vats of liquid bronze.
Their likeness to austere form
feels the tendency to melt
beyond recognition of solid mass,
now apertures having lost the
human-quality dream.

The rifts and shrills of laughter
weep in another dimension.
Cascades of grief slide down
walls of alien fortitude,
we hear it on Earth
as the change in subtle wind
knocking at our tears,
not reasoning why a sound
we cannot hear, only feel it
as the smile that will not
come.

“Something special will come of this,”
says the entrance Billboard with the
face of a scary clown, lips moving
in slow-motion, reinforcing the
petrifying cracking lines of an
exaggerated, painted face.

Why is it,
somewhere in this nameless town
a little boy dies
and his memory shuts down.
The flow of life and whispers here
he remembers the Cotton-Candy Man
and wonders where he is today. . .

And why for this little boy
do suddenly those wooden horses
on a quiet carousel
come alive with welcoming whinny’s
that only HE can hear?

Again only suggestions. I just think it flow that much better this way.


4.I think the title goes well with the poem, and the poem is clear and easy to understand.

5.My favorite part was:
"The rifts and shrills of laughter
weep in another dimension"...I can hear them, they put me at the carousel. Terrific!

Very good job Susan. I really enjoyed this poem. I'll be back my friend.
YFA
Rob




































































































































































158
158
Rated: E | (5.0)
Boom,
How lovely this is. You can see that you put your heart into this poem.
1. The title fits the poem well as a baby coming into family is definately a change of direction.
2.The rhymes are beautiful. The imagery is perfect as I can see your wife showing well by this time.
(c:green}3. Some of the lines are a little long for the smooth flow of the poem, but I can't count off for that as I do the same.
4.I saw no spelling or grammar errors.
5.The punctuation in this poem is nicely done.
Very good job on this poem. I enjoyed the whole poem so I really can't pick out a favorite part.
Good One!
Rob
159
159
Rated: E | (5.0)
Absolutely perfect.
I almost want to link it to Ageing.
1. No spelling or grammar errors.
2.The title fits the poem perfectly.
3.The poem flows very smoothly.
4.The rhymes are beautiful. Absolutely terrific imagery.
5.My favorite part is:
"My wall's now full of sticky notes.
If I read them every night,
Then folks might say, "Her brain's okay",
When I do get something right."...its me to a T.

This is just terrific, only I can't see you as an old tart.
Great Poem!
Rob

160
160
Review of Mask  
Rated: E | (4.5)
SST,
Good free verse poem. A couple of things to point out.
1.The title fits the poem very well.
2.The poem is clear and easy to understand.
3.I saw no spelling or grammar errors.
4.Always use correct punctuation. While poets take liberties with their writing, punctuation decides the flow of a poem as much as the words used.
5. My favorite part:
"Let's pretend
That everyone else is real
Not doing the same as we"

Over all, good job.
Rob

161
161
Review of Words of A Spirit  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Anthon,
You have a pretty good poem here. I saw a few things you need to fix so here goes.
1.The title works, could be better, but it works.
2.Every time you used I: "As i hear"...it should have been capitalized.
3.The line: " My eyes takes flight on a newborn light,"...takes should be (take)
4.The line: "The heart so swift takes my blame"...would sound better with swift(ly).
5.The line: "With a light embrace with i task,"...is unclear.
6.The line: "That needs of my love is no more than i see,"...is should be(are).
Otherwise, the poem is good, easy to understand, and flows fairly well, you might read it out loud to yourself to see if you need to add or take words out somewhere. Good Job!
Rob




162
162
Rated: E | (4.5)
Ed,
This is one cute poem. I have some things to point out, but it was good.
1.The title fits the poem well.
2.The poem is clear, and easy to understand.
3.I saw no spelling or grammar errors.
4.There were several lines that were to long to allow a smooth flow of the poem. I would suggest reading it aloud and yoou will be able to hear those. You may want to tweak them just a little for better flow.
5.The rhymes you used were great, I saw no problems there.
6.There was one typo that I saw in the line:"The look on the prof told my what I had made."...my should be (me).
7.The imagery you used was great. I could see it all play out.
8.My favorite part:
"His answer was hard like a blow to the gizzard.
"Your essay's a snow job. In fact it's a blizzard.
Your logic was such that I might have believed it.
It just didn't happen the way you conceived it.

I really enjoyed this. Good Job!
Rob



163
163
Review of Spring  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Sophie,
Haiku is not my best forte, btu this is a good one.
1.I saw no spelling or grammar errors.
2.The title fits the poem.
3.The poem is easy to understand, and clear.
4.The first sentence feels a little forced to me,"A cardinal pair" I was thinking something like...(Pairs of cardinals)would flow much smoother.
Good Job on this one. I think the poem as a whole is great considering no e's allowed.
Rob
164
164
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Beautiful story. You did a good job writing this one girl. Didn't see anything to cause a knockdown. My favorite part was "Welcome to New England, where the weather changes more often than a Presidential candidate's accent!" How true, how true, how true.
Good Job.
Rob
165
165
Review of Out of Time  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Beautiful tribute to your gram. It's hard to do a review on a piece like this.
1.The title works well for the poem.
2.The rhymes you used were good.
3.Some of the lines were a little long for the smooth flow you want.
4.Always use correct punctuation as it forces the reader to read a poem the way you intended it to be read.
5.I saw no spelling or grammar errors.
{c;black}Over all, good job.
Rob
166
166
Rated: E | (4.5)
Good Poem,
1. The title works well as you use the phrase several times in the poem.
2. I saw no spelling or grammar errors, and the punctuation used worked to cause a somewhat smooth flow of the poem.
3. The only problem I saw was that a couple of lines are a little too long for the continued flow of the verse. Stanza one, last line "And it made me wonder where you were and are you happy there?"...I would suggest ending the previous line with a (,) and arranging this sentence something like (made me wonder where you are and are you happy there)...and the last line "But it doesn't happen often, only when something reminds me of you."...maybe something like (but only if something reminds me of you.)
I really enjoyed it all too much to pick a favorite part.
Good Job
Rob

167
167
Review of Just His Children  
Rated: E | (4.5)
I like this. Can't say that there are any mistakes as its a form poem. Everything works well with the title.
Good Job!
Rob
168
168
Review of Winter's Breath  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Shannon,
I fail to find anything wrong with this poem, don't see why it got knocked down a knotch.
1.The title fits the poem as the breath of winter is there at the beginning, and the end.
2.The imagery is absolutely beautiful. You paint a beautiful winter scene with your words. I can almost feel the snowflakes now.
3.My favorite part was: "ethereal flakes descending ever so slowly to greet me."...Makes it picture perfect.
Good Job.
Rob
169
169
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
I love the story Gigie,
I saw a couple of things that you might look at, but in my opinion are not demerit worthy.
1.In the line:"which is similar to one, an anesthesiologist uses for certain procedures"...I don't think there should be a comma after one.
2.In the line ending:" to answer his persistent questions today as I was weeks ago."...I would change as to (than).
3.In the line:"The only solace I have is the humble cross, which hangs on the wall, awaiting my prayers each day."..I would omit the commas as the sentence will flow smoothly without them.
4. The title fits the story.
The story is clear, has a definate plot, and is easy to understand,
I can see a young secretary typre lady sitting on the edge of her bed, staring at a pair of slippers on the floor beneathe her, and simply wondering.
Good Job
170
170
Review of Moonlight  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Nightreach,
OK, I guess I'll take this as I come to it. I usually review afterwards but I'll make an exception.
1.Stanza three:"He thought of it's splendor and majesty and how it had always and would always endure." I would suggest a comma between (had always, and would always.
2.Same stanza:"witnessing and listening to many, a silent counselor to the" I would take the comma out.
3. tentativally should be (tentatively)
4."US WHO CAN GO ANYWHERE ON THE EARTH" seems as if it should be (we who can...)
4.The title fits the story.
5.The story is clear and easy to understand.
Over all, this is a very good story. Good Job!
Rob
171
171
Review of No Answers  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Wow! Good piece.
1. I saw no spelling or grammar errors.
2.The piece flows smoothly, the use of punctuation adds to this greatly.
3.The title fts as you have used the thought throughout the piece.
4.The piece is clear and easy to understand.
Good Job.
Rob
172
172
Rated: E | (4.5)
Tye,
This is too cute, I was Air Force so I know the military drill.
1.I saw no spelling or grammar errors.
The title fits the poem as this is about military life indeed.
3.It seems you had a little problem with the flow in a couple of places such as:" Lunch bags rattle, the eggs and the bacon, it sizzles"..maybe (eggs and bacon, it sizzles) dropping the (the and and) make it flow smoother. This line seems forced also:"And later, he’ll come home, after the sun leaves for the day" maybe something like (he'll come home after the sun has set for the day). These are just suggestions to use or lose as per my observations.
4.The poem is clear and easy to understand. My only other observation is lack of punctuation. Although poets are allowed liberties with their writing, punctuation is a must. It forces the reader to read a piece with the flow that the writer intended which can make the piece more dramatic, meaningful, or entertaining. Also, a lack of punctuation can be distracting for the reader.
All of this said, this is a very good poem. Good Job!
Rob
173
173
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Very good piece.
1.No spelling or grammar errors.
2.The title fits the essay.
3.The essay is clear and easy to understand, and informative.
4.The part I like best is: "I know I can always take some idea even if its from a small article no longer than an inch or two and turn it into my own set of twists, turns, horror and macabre psychotic mayhem."...shows it's true that inspiration can come from no-where.
This is a terrific essay.
Rob
174
174
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Juliet,
Good poem, I have several things to point out though.
1.The title fits the poem as the theme runs throughout the poem.
2.You had a beautiful quatrain going and you changed it up including the rhyming scheme. While poets can take liberties with their writing, this can be very distracting to the reader.
3.The poem flos smoothly for the most part. It gets a little rough where you changed the pattern of the poem.
4.The poem is clear and easy to understand.
5.In the second stanza the line: "To one my heart belongs too" needs to be changed. A suggestion is (ther's one my heart belongs to.
6.Stanza five: "I know that theres no stopping this undiniable need" undiniable should be (undeniable)
7.Stanza six: "Taking eachother without even a care" eachother should be separated into (each other)
8.Stanza ten: "With the love I'v had for years" you have a typo, I'v should be I've.
9.Stanza eleven: "Laying in bed stareing at the ceiling" stareing should be (staring)
10.I noticed no punctuation. While writers can take liberties, punctuation is a must to insure the reader reads the piece the way a writer intends it to be read. It decides the flow of the poem.
Still, this is a good poem filled with emotion.
Keep Writing.
Rob




175
175
Review of Breathless  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Kimmi,
You have yet another good one here.
1. I see no spelling errors or grammar errors.
2. The title fits the poem well.
3. The poem is clear and easy to follow.
4. Punctuation, punctuation, puntuation. Make the reader stop where you want them to so that they feel what you have written.
Otherwise,
Good Job again.
Rob
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