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Review of A Bird of Prey  
Review by RobertJ
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
MysteryBox42

This is extremely descriptive of both location and weather and your character,

Your exposing the thoughts, anxieties and hangups of the "A Bird of Prey" makes an interesting tale. The irony is striking. A bird of prey "who" may not really want to be. However, I am not sure what other function he or she could perform.

I believe your descriptions were visual, however, I believe this paragraph excerpt below and at other points in the story seem overdone. It delays the "story" and scatters the point of view of the Bird of Prey..your main character. Spend more time on the character than on the scenery.

"It was rough and putrid land. There were no mountain ridges on the horizon. No feminine dunes and no plateaus, etching artful patterns against the sky. Just a thin crust of earth that groped indeterminably below the heavy blue. It was wide, expansive, the sole color of dirt. Ay did not know its name. The desert is all that he knew it by. It was the perfect paradigm of all the other deserts,"

Also...a minor item. I believe double spacing would help the reader.

RJS
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