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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/rolandeld
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1
1
Review of Farewell !  
Review by Roland King
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Official Dark Dreamscapes Poetry Contest Review

Disclaimer: this review does not in any way suggest the order of winners or who has won the contest. This is a review only. Each entry is reviewed to give constructive feedback.

I feel I must judge this poem from Two different viewpoints to truly be fair. I must judge in terms of this actual contest and then also as a standalone poem. To begin I see that you posted this poem for the whatever contest but you also included in this contest and I wonder if you did so potentially by mistake. I see that you attached the picture prompt but I don’t really see a connection in the content of this poem to the picture prompt for the dark dreamscapes poetry contest. As such since it doesn’t really follow the prompt for dark dreamscapes it falls a little short.

But I also said that I would judge this from the standpoint of a standalone poem. In that regard this poem is fantastic. I also read your note that you were not a native English speaker but I must tell you that I could not tell in the slightest. The language and diction in this poem is fantastic, the tone was excellent, and your content was thought provoking.

My only advice for the future would be to make sure you check the rules of all of the contests that you were submitting your poem to if in fact you are submitting it to multiple contests at the same time. Also be sure to check out the May prompt for our sister contest
FORUM
Fantasy Unravelled  (E)
Folklore and Fairy Tales Reimagined
#2240621 by Roland King
! Thank you for submitting!
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Signature for nominees of the 2019 Quill Awards

“There are other worlds than these.”

-Stephen King
2
2
Review of The Masquerade  
Review by Roland King
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Official Dark Dreamscapes Poetry Contest Review

Disclaimer: this review does not in any way suggest the order of winners or who has won the contest. This is a review only. Each entry is reviewed to give constructive feedback.

There are quite a few appealing things about this poem. First off I love how you have multiple modified refrains in this poem. You have the refrain that begins with “the blade against the skin” as well as the repetitive internalized questions that really help to create a large amount of tension in this poem. Things escalate quickly and clearly sweep up the speaker in the horror and confusion. And more importantly sweep the reader up in the exact same experience.

Also that second line: love is a harlequin’s ruse. Wow. That is a hell of a line right there.

You created a gem with this piece and should be extremely proud of it. Great job!

Also be sure to check out the May prompt for our sister contest
FORUM
Fantasy Unravelled  (E)
Folklore and Fairy Tales Reimagined
#2240621 by Roland King



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Signature for nominees of the 2019 Quill Awards

“There are other worlds than these.”

-Stephen King
3
3
Review of A THREAT IN JEST  
Review by Roland King
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Official Dark Dreamscapes Poetry Contest Review

Disclaimer: this review does not in any way suggest the order of winners or who has won the contest. This is a review only. Each entry is reviewed to give constructive feedback.

This one did a great job of capturing the spirit of the picture prompt and supplying an air of creepiness to the reader's experience. the very nature of the rhyme scheme is playful, enacting the dark mischief of the jester and it plays perfectly against the increasingly menacing storyline you lay out. This is a great adaptation of the prompt and a well-researched one too!

I did suggest a couple edits to some typos in the poem that need to be addressed. Those can be found below.

Edits:

1) "Jester shows his ticks of the trade" - You meant this to be "tricks"

2) "Because of the tale, a jester jealously empaled" - You meant this to be "impaled"

Great job and thanks for submitting!

Also be sure to check out May's round for our sister contest "Fantasy Unravelled!

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Signature for nominees of the 2019 Quill Awards

“There are other worlds than these.”

-Stephen King
4
4
for entry "Vitriol
Review by Roland King
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Official Dark Dreamscapes Poetry Contest Review

Disclaimer: this review does not in any way suggest the order of winners or who has won the contest. This is a review only. Each entry is reviewed to give constructive feedback.

So many of us wear masks in our daily lives. Some more than others. We wear the work masks, and the personal life masks, sometimes make around friends and family and to complete strangers. You encapsulated this notion perfectly in your poem and all the while tied in to the prompt fantastically well.

Often times I sound like a broken record in my review but the power of brevity in a poem is sometimes amazing. This poem shows off how effective short, brief lines can be in a poem. Well done and thank you for submitting to our contest!

Also be sure to check out May's round for our sister contest "Fantasy Unravelled!

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“There are other worlds than these.”

-Stephen King
5
5
for entry "Dark Forces Stir
Review by Roland King
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Official Dark Dreamscapes Poetry Contest Review

Disclaimer: this review does not in any way suggest the order of winners or who has won the contest. This is a review only. Each entry is reviewed to give constructive feedback.

This one was one of our more creative interpretations of this prompt. I liked the inner city alleyway as a backdrop. This gave it a wholly different setting than I would have expected. In all honesty it almost has a bit of a Big Trouble in Little China feel to it the way just emerged on the scene. I really enjoyed it.

The fact that the speaker is brought here ultimately due to greed over the size of the retainer creates a bit of irony in this poem that really works in your favor to reinforce the darkness of these mysterious beings.

Overall, your tone, setting, and imagery that you utilized truly created a well-painted atmosphere that helped make this poem pop.

Thank you so much for submitting!

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Signature for nominees of the 2019 Quill Awards

“There are other worlds than these.”

-Stephen King
6
6
Review by Roland King
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Official Dark Dreamscapes Poetry Contest Review

Disclaimer: this review does not in any way suggest the order of winners or who has won the contest. This is a review only. Each entry is reviewed to give constructive feedback.

Great job on this poem! I ti is incredibly well-written! I have to judge it from two angles though. First, the angle of applicability to the prompt, and as a standalone poem.

In terms of addressing the prompt, I can see how one could interpret the the picture prompt as the crowed jester being God, and the other four are the Horsemen and if that is indeed the case, that's a fantastic interpretation. However what I did not see in this poem was a descriptive connection in the poem to the prompt itself. You know just a mention here or there of their outfits or a more overt connection to the jesters.

That being said, as a standalone poem, this poem is fantastic!!! It takes the story of the Apocalypse and creates a wonderfully succinct yet descriptive version of the story. The Rhyme scheme and rhythm are absolutely on point and you maintain a great level of descriptive imagery to show the reader the action. I particularly like the final stanza as it paints a fantastic image and I can't help but wonder if you drew inspiration from Victor Vasnetsov's painting of the four horsemen?

Anyhow, great job on this poem! I hope you continue entering our contest!

Also be sure to check out May's round for our sister contest "Fantasy Unravelled!

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Signature for nominees of the 2019 Quill Awards

“There are other worlds than these.”

-Stephen King
7
7
Review of Dark Kingdom  
Review by Roland King
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Official Dark Dreamscapes Poetry Contest Review

Disclaimer: this review does not in any way suggest the order of winners or who has won the contest. This is a review only. Each entry is reviewed to give constructive feedback.

Brief and to the point with a creepy and quite effective modified refrain. I like it!

There is something really effective about this poem and I think it emanates from the brevity of the poem. It's like that classic horror movie effect of a shining lightbulb in a basement that shows you a glimpse of someone walking towards you, then swings away, then swings back and the figure is just a little closer this time.

You create tension with that refrain and it is incredibly effective. I can't stress enough the power of brief lines as well as the incredible amount of discipline it takes to keep oneself in check in terms of length.

Great job on this one and that you for submitting!

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Signature for nominees of the 2019 Quill Awards

“There are other worlds than these.”

-Stephen King
8
8
Review of The Answer  
Review by Roland King
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Despite laughing at your one-liners every evening and you literally being a staple to wdc daily experience, I haven't slowed down long enough to actually read your work. So I took it upon myself to actually do exactly that for once.

And what should I find when I do explore your portfolio? An incredibly touching and original story. You had me intrigued with the incorporation of 9/11 and I fully expected the short story to be a rather snapshot-like story. IN fact you still would have received the same accolades from had you ended the story simply at the point she hangs up after that first night. It still would have been a story of simple kindness and one of those chance encounters that leaves a unique brushstroke upon our lives. But your story continued into a somewhat twisty and more complex plot that only served to increase the reader's attention.

This was a truly enjoyable and thought-provoking read and I am glad that I took the time to stop and smell the roses.

And also, of course, thank you for your service!


"There are other worlds than these."

-Stephen King


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9
9
Review of Gold!  
Review by Roland King
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Fantasy Unraveled Contest Review
Genie for FU

Disclaimer: this review does not in any way suggest the order of winners or who has won the contest. This is a review only. Each entry is reviewed to give constructive feedback.

Ok so first off I love the originality here; it’s absolutely awesome. This was a great adaptation of the prompt. I really appreciate in the snarkiness of the leprechauns and overall a fantastically or well written voice for the narrator. There’s a dry sassiness there that really really hits the mark in terms of making the narrator not a flat character.

In terms of plot you did a fantastic job and in a style match that of flash fiction you managed to drive a plot home pretty quickly. Honestly despite being a fan of short fiction I’d actually love to see this one expand it even more because it’s a fun story that she could have a lot of fun with. Nevertheless this was truly fantastically written and gave me an excellent St. Patrick’s Day chuckle!

Edits: I’m pretty sure at the very end you meant “off” instead of “of”.

Great job and thank you for your support of Fantasy Unraveled!

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“There are other worlds than these.”
-Stephen King

10
10
Review by Roland King
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
1

Footnotes
1  This was quite an enjoyable piece of folklore to read. As a fan of mythology and folk tales I am familiar with the many Native American myths involving the trickster coyote. So when I began reading this I fully expected a tale about the cunning of the coyote but instead you subverted my expectations quite a bit and made the herd the ones who were quite cunning and able to avoid the trickster.

Great job on this and thanks for writing. Always happy to see people dabble in mythology/folklore! Keep on writing!

"There are other worlds than these."

-Stephen King


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11
11
for entry "Sleepless Nights
Review by Roland King
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Official Dark Dreamscapes Poetry Contest Review

Disclaimer: this review does not in any way suggest the order of winners or who has won the contest. This is a review only. Each entry is reviewed to give constructive feedback.

Oooh I really like the dive into the psychology in this poem. You almost establish an unreliable narrator here in this pole by conveying a certain amount of self-doubt (e.g. “skeletal might-have-beens”) and the nature of the poem itself creates a feeling and tone of apprehension, doubt, and a rich sense of confusion. As a result you have an artful take on this prompt and one that I think is quite impressive.

No suggested edits here as this one is skillfully written and faker-ready. Way to go and great job!

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Signature for nominees of the 2019 Quill Awards

“There are other worlds than these.”

-Stephen King
12
12
Review by Roland King
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Official Dark Dreamscapes Poetry Contest Review

Disclaimer: this review does not in any way suggest the order of winners or who has won the contest. This is a review only. Each entry is reviewed to give constructive feedback.

Nicely done! This entry took a nice twist with making death a business. I liked that and I appreciated the unique perspective. The short lines and brevity of the images I’m a big fan of. The snapshot approach is always a great way to convey the images and meaning in your poems.

Only one suggested edit here: Did you mean to repeat your poem title twice in the body of your poem?

Besides that no other suggested edits. This was a great poem and a great entry for Dark Dreamscapes poetry. Thank you so much for your entry and have a great day!

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“There are other worlds than these.”

-Roland Deschain
13
13
Review of Lost in a Reverie  
Review by Roland King
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Fantasy Unraveled Contest Review
Genie for FU

Disclaimer: this review does not in any way suggest the order of winners or who has won the contest. This is a review only. Each entry is reviewed to give constructive feedback.

First off, his was a fantastic story. It was well-written, well thought-out and takes the reader into a well-built world full of possibilities. This story takes fantasy and sci-to elements together as a fusion of storytelling tools and it really pays off as a result.

My only issue here is that despite this being an amazing story, it doesn’t really reference the source material. Now I also realize this was submitted for two different contests so as a result it had to fit the parameters of two events at the same time. However, the reference of “sleep, our sleeping beauty” doesn’t really connect this enough to the source material of sleeping beauty.

That issue aside, this story was a blast and I LOVED it. I hope you continue to write for Fantasy Unraveled in future rounds!

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“There are other worlds than these.”
-Stephen King

14
14
Review of Sleeping  
Review by Roland King
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Fantasy Unraveled Contest Review
Genie for FU

Disclaimer: this review does not in any way suggest the order of winners or who has won the contest. This is a review only. Each entry is reviewed to give constructive feedback.

Haha! I enjoyed giving a laugh out of this one. I particularly enjoyed the Alice-in-wonderland-like quality of quirkiness and comedy added into this story. It gave it an atmosphere and tone that worked quite well for this contest. Noting pleases me more than to get a diverse group of entries and I absolutely loved seeing a comedy get thrown into the contest! I hope that this is a running theme in future rounds as well!

I applaud your ability to wield comedy effectively and I loved that ending. It gave me quite the chuckle.

Keep on writing for Fantasy Unraveled please!

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“There are other worlds than these.”
-Stephen King

15
15
Review of Aurora's Revenge  
Review by Roland King
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Fantasy Unraveled Contest Review
Genie for FU

Disclaimer: this review does not in any way suggest the order of winners or who has won the contest. This is a review only. Each entry is reviewed to give constructive feedback.

I really enjoyed this story particularly from the standpoint of how truly patient and driven Aurora is. I like to see that a few of our entrants took the time to make Aurora someone strong who despite being in a cursed sleep still is taking the opportunity to take matters into their own hands. It teaches a great lesson and shows that even when all hope seems lost you can’t actually stop fighting. Because even if you face seemingly insurmountable odds sometimes all you need is a little perseverance.

Great job with the plot and pacing on this one. I do have an edit below for you. Thank you so much for the entry!

Edits:

1) “for it was rare that the dreams would be complimentary to each other” should be “complementary”

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“There are other worlds than these.”
-Stephen King

16
16
Review by Roland King
Rated: E | (5.0)
Fantasy Unraveled Contest Review
Genie for FU

Disclaimer: this review does not in any way suggest the order of winners or who has won the contest. This is a review only. Each entry is reviewed to give constructive feedback.

Bravo! This is an excellent adaptation for this prompt! You utilized every last word of the 2500 word limit and you can tell that this story was busting at the seams and begged to be expanded upon.

You built a solid plot throughout the story, had a great twist ending and captured many elements of the original source material. I cannot help thinking as well that you had the song “once upon a dream” in mind with Owen. The lyrics rang in my mind. “I know you I walked with you once upon a dream” and what did she do in this story? She first met her prince as they walked from dream to dream. Maybe coincidence...maybe not. Regardless, it was a happy accident if it in fact was not intentional.

I loved the story overall and it shows some thought and creativity on your part particularly to develop a strong heroine and ultimately have her make some very impactful decisions in controlling her own fate. This was a great story and an awesome 1st round submission!

I’ve included a few edits worth mentioning:

1) “that I never saw more of than it’s shining teeth” it’s should be its.

2) “ he was just a ephemeral as the rest of the dream folk” should be “just as”

3) “She had to had mastered illusion” should be “had to have”a

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“There are other worlds than these.”
-Stephen King

17
17
Review of "My pleasure."  
Review by Roland King
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
This is a great story and nicely compact story that does not take long to tell. I like that about this one and you really did create an appealing and compelling plot. There are some grammatical issues as well as stylistic issues that need to be cleaned up but overall your talent as a write is blossoming. For instance, when you use ellipses (...) be sure to stay consistent and do three periods. Not just two.

Forom a plot standpoint, one suggeston I would make is to suggest the passage of years at the end. for instance say:

"Years later...

The sun came up over the lake; its rays brushed the top of hte trees. The light made some of the scratches on it visible."

Below are some edits to make to help your story feel a little more polished. They are all quite minor.


Edits:

1) "the wisdom and vile". Did you measnt to write "vile"?

2) "as though it filled her two eyes with all the waters of the earth.." You have two periods at the end of this where there should only be one.

3) "the ashes moving slighting in the air" I think you might have meant "sliding"

4) "The light made some of the scratches on the it visible" delete "it".

Great job and keep writing!!!!

"There are other worlds than these."

-Stephen King


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18
18
Review of When I write.  
for entry "Mrs. Clause's curse
Review by Roland King
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Official Dark Dreamscapes Poetry Contest Review

Disclaimer: this review does not in any way suggest the order of winners or who has won the contest. This is a review only. Each entry is reviewed to give constructive feedback.

Thank you so much for the entry and I love the theme and story of this poem! What a great twist to turn the villain into someone we already know...Mrs. Clause! That was great! Although the story was fantastic some of the technical aspects of the poem do still need a little polishing. Sometimes typographical errors or technical errors in a pole can distract a little from the overall flow and make the reader stumble a little bit. I’ve listed some of the suggested edits and also questions I have below.

Edits:

1) line 3 and line 5 “She’s” should be “She”

2) line 21 - “to vile” should be “too vile”

3) line 24 - what do you mean by “crate of revenge”? Is this supposed to be “secret revenge” perhaps?

4) line 30 - “dispised” should be “despised”

Keep in mind that although there are some edits to be made to this poem it is still a fantastic poem that can easily be improved with some tweaks. It’s simply a matter of fixing a few things here and there.

Thank you for entering our contest and I hope to read more of your poems!

Happy New Year!

"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group
Signature for nominees of the 2019 Quill Awards

“There are other worlds than these.”

-Stephen King
19
19
for entry "The Lie
Review by Roland King
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Official Dark Dreamscapes Poetry Contest Review

Disclaimer: this review does not in any way suggest the order of winners or who has won the contest. This is a review only. Each entry is reviewed to give constructive feedback.

Ha!!! Great way to take a current situation and infuse it right into this humorous poem. I like the form although I’ve never actually heard of it before. I always enjoy learning about new forms and this one is great because it’s a little more sophisticated than a normal limerick but still has the exact same effect.

Your use of humor in this poem helps it stand out while still being quite dark so kudos for pulling this one off!

Thanks for submitting and look for us again in February! Happy New Year!

"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group
Signature for nominees of the 2019 Quill Awards

“There are other worlds than these.”

-Stephen King
20
20
Review of An Idle Woman  
Review by Roland King
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Official Dark Dreamscapes Poetry Contest Review

Disclaimer: this review does not in any way suggest the order of winners or who has won the contest. This is a review only. Each entry is reviewed to give constructive feedback.

This poem really show a solidly researched subject and a firm understanding of the folklore surrounding your poem. You did a great job of portraying the grim and significantly dark tone of this folk tale. Where most people are of course familiar with Krampus, many others are not so familiar with the other characters of legend such as the subject of our prompt this time around.

I enjoyed the rhyme and rhythm of this piece and the language was fantastic throughout. Your form was nicely chosen and fit the tone perfectly. Great job!

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“There are other worlds than these.”-Stephen King
21
21
for entry "Midnight Visitor
Review by Roland King
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
iiOfficial Dark Dreamscapes Poetry Contest Review

iDisclaimer: this review does not in any way suggest the order of winners or who has won the contest. This is a review only. Each entry is reviewed to give constructive feedback.

You took a very unique approach with this prompt and I really appreciate it. The prompt itself certainly invites a vivid description of the grotesque doings of Perchta. However you focused more on the feelings and tone of the poem. It’s less about her deeds and more about the emotions and tone that she spreads with just her presence. It’s a testament to the fact that you are a great poet with a lot of talent.

This is a great poem that you should be really proud of. Thank you so much for submitting to Dark Dreamscape! Awesome job’
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Signature for nominees of the 2019 Quill Awards

“There are other worlds than these.”

-Stephen King
22
22
Review of Poetic Pieces  
Review by Roland King
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Official Dark Dreamscapes Poetry Contest Review

Disclaimer: this review does not in any way suggest the order of winners or who has won the contest. This is a review only. Each entry is reviewed to give constructive feedback.

Well what a “stomach-churning” entry. Haha! Loved your play on words with that phrase and this poem really captures the grotesque and gruesome nature of this folktale. Her story really is rather shocking if you’ve never heard of her and the shock-factor in this poem really shows off that horror.

Overall, I love the tone, the play on words and the structure of your poem. You painted a great picture of this frightening story and wrote something that would be sure to keep the little kiddies behaving if they heard it.

Great job!

"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group
Signature for nominees of the 2019 Quill Awards

“There are other worlds than these.”

-Stephen King
23
23
Review by Roland King
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Official Dark Dreamscapes Poetry Contest Review

Disclaimer: this review does not in any way suggest the order of winners or who has won the contest. This is a review only. Each entry is reviewed to give constructive feedback. Happy Halloween!

Well I guess it’s a good thing that Samuel Adams stayed in America and died of his old age rather than this grim end! This was a great plot you built in this poem. I was particularly intrigued by the setting initially. The Scottish moors always immediately establish a tone of ancient mystery so starting your poem with this setting immediately steered the reader in the right direction. The rest of the poem’s story was great! You created a great narrative that captured the reader’s imagination. Plus you created a twist ending as well for those familiar with American history. I half-expected he would make his escape but you subverted expectations by having him captured by the reaper. Great job!!!

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“There are other worlds than these.”

-Roland Deschain
24
24
for entry "Reflection
Review by Roland King
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Official Dark Dreamscapes Poetry Contest Review

Disclaimer: this review does not in any way suggest the order of winners or who has won the contest. This is a review only. Each entry is reviewed to give constructive feedback. Happy Halloween!

This is an intriguing form and what that offers both an ample set of challenges as well as an impactful payoff in style and tone if you can pull it off, which you did.

I like the duality of the first two stanzas where you see the perspective of the woman and then you see the perspective of her reflection. Keeping that parallel structure of both sides of the looking glass really conveys the duality you’re trying to achieve in the poem.

Great job with this one and I enjoyed once again learning about a new form I’d never heard of before. Thanks!

"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group
Sig for halloween emails and forums

“There are other worlds than these.”

-Roland Deschain
25
25
Review by Roland King
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Official Dark Dreamscapes Poetry Contest Review

Disclaimer: this review does not in any way suggest the order of winners or who has won the contest. This is a review only. Each entry is reviewed to give constructive feedback. Happy Halloween!

Without a doubt the thing I appreciate the most about this poem is the beautiful story you built for thy is prompt. There is a fantastically tragic tone to this. I know hag sounds odd, but this poem has a lot of emotional impact and to make your audience have that heart-wrenching feeling is a truly fantastic talent.

Also you have an absolutely beautiful rhyme and rhythm in this poem. At no point does it feel forced or contrived. There are no stumbles in the rhyme and meter to accommodate thy at one word that fits only for the sake of the rhyming word. It simply flows with a grace equivalent to the couples dancing in the ballroom.

Absolutely beautiful poem. Well done! I truly adore this one.

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