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Printed from http://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/rolandeld
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276 Public Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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1
1
Review of Game Models  
Review by Roland King 🌙
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
This is a unique piece you have here and shows how far we’ve come with technology. It also shows the potential pitfalls and frankly somewhat scary possibilities of technology taking over every aspect of our lives. This story reminds me of a Chrichton-esque tale. Or even that of Bradbury. It shows the possibilities in so realistic and believable a way that the reader is left wondering if it could truly be a possibility.


"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group
Signature for finalists in 2018 Quill Awards

“There are other worlds than these.”

-Roland Deschain
2
2
Review of Animal Control  
Review by Roland King 🌙
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Official Dark Dreamscapes Poetry Contest Review

Disclaimer: this review does not in any way suggest the order of winners or who has won the contest. This is a review only. Each entry is reviewed to give constructive feedback.

Well you are our first entry and frankly when we announced this month’s prompt we were quite curious to see what our responses would be like. We so often give a Dark prompt but this time we wanted to let you use your imagination to fill in the darkness.

I like the storyline route you went with this poem. The contrast of points of view is quite interesting. You introduced me to a new poetic form so thank you for that! You took an “adorable” prompt and turned it into something tragic and sinister. Great job and keep writing.

"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group
A signature image for use by anyone nominated for a Quill in 2018

“There are other worlds than these.”

-Roland Deschain
3
3
Review by Roland King 🌙
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hello there and thanks for he unique and entertaining read! This is subject material that I have never really delved into and frankly it is refreshing to see you paint this material in a positive light as you have done. Your infusion of humor into the subject material also goes a long way towards keeping the story light-hearted.

There is a wide assortment of characters involved at the beginning of the story and I would say potentially you could cut down the number of workers that you introduce to help focus the reader on the main characters but other than that I can find no edits or criticisms to give.

Thanks for the great read and keep writing!

"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group
Signature for finalists in 2018 Quill Awards

“There are other worlds than these.”

-Roland Deschain
4
4
Review by Roland King 🌙
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Ah yes the struggle to escape the darkness of daytime and rest in the nighttime’s blissful light for dreams. But sadly the darkness can seep and thus lead to the nightmares. This poem is a great example of how there can be so much longing for the escape from life’s darkness. Great job for creating this poem and developing an anthem for the poor insomniacs amongst us.



"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group
Signature for finalists in 2018 Quill Awards

“There are other worlds than these.”

-Roland Deschain
5
5
Review of The Diagnosis  
Review by Roland King 🌙
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Great plot and plot twist! Going for the M. Night Shyamalan-esque final scene! You build a fantastic setting and character details. Vivid with plenty of descriptions. Just the description of the bar and the waitress was deliciously detailed from her obviously pressed in nails to her grin when she asked for a tip there is just so much detail. Really enjoyed this read. Keep writing.

"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group
Signature for finalists in 2018 Quill Awards

“There are other worlds than these.”

-Roland Deschain
6
6
Review by Roland King 🌙
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
This was actually quite enlightening and helpful for me as a writer. I actually lately have suffered from this didn’t even realize it. Honestly I think the root of my problems is that I tend to get completely absorbed in my writing and everything else fades away and I’ve tried to build more of balance in other aspects of my life. Ultimately though writing is something I enjoy and I love the act of creation so unleashing the desire and stifling that apathy is going to be the key to unlocking that spark again. Thanks for sharing!


"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group
Signature for finalists in 2018 Quill Awards

“There are other worlds than these.”

-Roland Deschain
7
7
Review of The Last Tango  
Review by Roland King 🌙
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Official Dark Dreamscapes Poetry Contest Review

Disclaimer: this review does not in any way suggest the order of winners or who has won the contest. This is a review only. Each entry is reviewed to give constructive feedback.

Great employment of the rondeau form! I don’t see many people try their hand at this form and you did a great job following the rules of the form. Excellent twist with the sanatorium as well!

Thank you for your entry and please keep submitting to the Dark Dreamscapes Poetry Contest. Next round will be in June!



"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group
A signature image for use by anyone nominated for a Quill in 2018

“There are other worlds than these.”

-Roland Deschain
8
8
Review by Roland King 🌙
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Official Dark Dreamscapes Poetry Contest Review

Disclaimer: this review does not in any way suggest the order of winners or who has won the contest. This is a review only. Each entry is reviewed to give constructive feedback.

I am truly impressed with the route you took on this poem. Most people interpreted death as the other character in the picture but you instead subverted the expectations of the reader by making the woman the antagonist in this poem.

You paint a vivid portrait of the woman in red in this poem and convey the danger and mystery surrounding her as the alluring succubus that she is.

Great use of language with a challenging set of rhymes and a challenging rhythm. Fantastic job!

Keep writing and submitting to the Dark Dreamscapes Poetry Contest!

"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group
A signature image for use by anyone nominated for a Quill in 2018

“There are other worlds than these.”

-Roland Deschain
9
9
Review by Roland King 🌙
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
So nice to see you writing again!

Particularly fond of this one. It’s a little longer by line than I’ve seen from you in the past and it actually helped the meaning of the poem. I am typically a fan of brevity in a like as it leads to quick brushstrokes in language, but sometimes the lines just need to be longer. This poem is a prime example of that. You tell a great story in this poem and speak to the power of loss and how it can ultimately sometimes be inevitable. And also an incredibly heavy load.

Great tone throughout and fantastic poem overall. Keep on writing dude!


"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group
Signature for finalists in 2018 Quill Awards

“There are other worlds than these.”

-Roland Deschain
10
10
Review of Death's Waltz  
Review by Roland King 🌙
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Official Dark Dreamscapes Poetry Contest Review

Disclaimer: this review does not in any way suggest the order of winners or who has won the contest. This is a review only. Each entry is reviewed to give constructive feedback.

Big round of applause on this one. Elegant and eloquent in every way. There is something truly beautiful about this poem. The most striking element in this poem is how humble Death is painted. Death recognizes his own difficult job and actually finds comfort in the fact that it will not be a struggle this time. He carries out his duty with grace and understanding.

Death seems to be much more of an angel of darkness rather than a grim reaper in this poem. There is compassion and quiet respect in Death’s character. I can’t say enough good things about the characterization in this poem.

No edits to suggest on this one as it is pretty much near perfect. I congratulate you on a job well done and please continue to submit to the DDP contest in the future!

"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group
A signature image for use by anyone nominated for a Quill in 2018

“There are other worlds than these.”

-Roland Deschain
11
11
Review of Dance with death  
Review by Roland King 🌙
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Official Dark Dreamscapes Poetry Contest Review

Disclaimer: this review does not in any way suggest the order of winners or who has won the contest. This is a review only. Each entry is reviewed to give constructive feedback.

Great adaptation of the prompt and nice storytelling to expand the story a little bit. You took the role of storyteller to build a plot as to how the two characters reached the scene we see them in in the prompt.

Your rhymes are strong and steady throughout the poem. Your first line of the poem, offset from a rhyme scheme, is emphasized well and despite setting a foreboding tone, the reader actually understands by the end of the poem that the woman was actually quite in control of her own fate and Death is simply going through the motions of his duty.

Some of the rhythm in a few of these lines could be tightened up to match the rest of the poem as the metrical substitutions can make the reader stumble a little bit if they apply scansion to the poem. But that is the only edit I really can suggest. Great job and keep writing!

"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group
A signature image for use by anyone nominated for a Quill in 2018

“There are other worlds than these.”

-Roland Deschain
12
12
Review by Roland King 🌙
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Official Dark Dreamscapes Poetry Contest Review

Disclaimer: this review does not in any way suggest the order of winners or who has won the contest. This is a review only. Each entry is reviewed to give constructive feedback.

Hello there and thanks for submitting to our contest. You did a fantastic job of adapting the prompt to your poem. The imagery is fantastic and I love the fact that Death shows the need he has for his unwilling lover who seeks to flee. Yet at the end of course he does always win and thus he claims her as his own.

My one suggestion for improvement in this poem would be to tighten up the rhythm and meter of this poem. If you are familiar with scansion, you might want to try scanning this poem to see what I mean. Not to say that it is wrong by any means, but simply to perhaps help the meter match the subject. After all they are meeting for a ballroom dance, thus the meter should be harmonious and truly rhythmic like the careful and measures steps of a waltz.

Great entry and keep submitting to the DDP contest!

"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group
A signature image for use by anyone nominated for a Quill in 2018

“There are other worlds than these.”

-Roland Deschain
13
13
Review of Dear Mom  
Review by Roland King 🌙
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
I can tell that this freewrite was probably very therapeutic for you to be able to put your thoughts down on paper and be able to vent about what you’ve dealt with in your life.

Dealing with drug addiction as a user is horrible but perhaps even more difficult is dealing with drug addiction as a loved one to a user. You are forced to suffer as you watch your loved struggle and the familial bonds and love associated with the family unit are so often stretched to the breaking point.

My heart goes out to you and you are incredibly courageous for coping with your situation. Writing can be a fantastic outlet to deal with the stresses and heartache of a situation like this.

Considering you mentioned cutting (my ex-girlfriend actually was in a very similar situation and coped the same way before she too started writing), I am happy to see that you are utilizing writing as another outlet.

My heart goes out to you and I hope that things get better for you in the future and that perhaps your mother can receive (and accept) the help she needs.


"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group
Signature for finalists in 2018 Quill Awards

“There are other worlds than these.”

-Roland Deschain
14
14
Review of Silent Solace  
Review by Roland King 🌙
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Official Dark Dreamscapes Poetry Contest Review

Disclaimer: this review does not in any way suggest the order of winners or who has won the contest. This is a review only. Each entry is reviewed to give constructive feedback.

Impressive! I like the fact that you actually conveyed a sense of regret in a way felt by Death. At first I almost thought you had twisted it into a sort of Romeo and Juliet storyline where she chose suicide to be with her lover rather than life. Not entirely accurate but it does show that your poem can evoke multiple meanings.

But again I find it particularly fascinating that you subverted the normal characterization of Death. Death is usually portrayed as the great Taker of Life. Yet here he has “no choice” but to “silently stand by.” It essentially gives her all the power thus still suggesting suicide.

Great imagery throughout and excellent voice developed for the speaker!

Well written and of course a pleasure to read. Keep writing and submitting and good luck.

"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group
A signature image for use by anyone nominated for a Quill in 2018

“There are other worlds than these.”

-Roland Deschain
15
15
Review of Shade's Requite  
Review by Roland King 🌙
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Official Dark Dreamscapes Poetry Contest Review

Disclaimer: this review does not in any way suggest the order of winners or who has won the contest. This is a review only. Each entry is reviewed to give constructive feedback.

I must say although familiar with the villanelle and terza rima forms, I had never heard of the Terzanelle. Bravo for employing a form that is somewhat constructive in its form. You managed to still build a great story within the lines of the poem (considering villanelles typically force somewhat cyclical plots by their nature).

I like the mystery and questions raised as to what happened to David. The fact that you left it somewhat vague is quite intriguing.

My only critique is that I would have liked to see a little more direct connection to the picture prompt. I’m typically looking for a little more of a nod to the picture in these entries.

Despite this, the poem is fantastic! Great job on this one and good luck! Please be sure to keep submitting to the DDP contest! Next round will be in June!



"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group
A signature image for use by anyone nominated for a Quill in 2018

“There are other worlds than these.”

-Roland Deschain
16
16
Review by Roland King 🌙
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
I love the metaphors throughout as well as he occasional rhyme (cook/books). It’s enough to create nice poetic touches without maintaining a strict rigidity to a specific form.

Mothers are a fantastic subject for this prompt as we are so often inspired by the person so intimately attached to from birth onwards.

The only edit I would suggest would be to remove the space before each punctuation at the end of each line.

Other than that great job and it was a pleasure to read. Keep writing and thank you!


"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group
Signature for finalists in 2018 Quill Awards

“There are other worlds than these.”

-Roland Deschain
17
17
Review of Nervosa  
Review by Roland King 🌙
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Official Dark Dreamscapes Poetry Contest Review

Disclaimer: this review does not in any way suggest the order of winners or who has won the contest. This is a review only. Each entry is reviewed to give constructive feedback.

Excellent entry for this contest. As the first entry submitted, you have potentially set the bar for the contest. I chose this picture to see how people would adapt the image in creative ways.

Here we see the poem spoken from the viewpoint of Death. He sees and dances with the woman yet we are hearing his thoughts about her ultimate demise. There is a duplicity to this poem. Outwardly he is dancing with his love, yet inwardly he is distracted by her impending doom. It’s a nice juxtaposition.

The end of the poem where he poses the question of whether or not she is beautiful is a fantastic little detail that is almost understated in its power. I’m a big fan of those last two lines.

Great job on this poem and thank you for your entry! I applaud you! Good luck!

"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group
A signature image for use by anyone nominated for a Quill in 2018

“There are other worlds than these.”

-Roland Deschain
18
18
Review of Maxie Chapter 22  
Review by Roland King 🌙
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Great conclusion! You wrapped up everything quite nicely! Fantastically brutal way for Harlan to go out too!! While trying to keep track of the complex family tree I did have suspicions that Fiona and Jason were related so I’m glad to see that ended up being true.

You always manage to wrap everything up in a happy ending which I’m sure most of your readers will appreciate as well.

Good job keeping your characters true to each other throughout the course of the whole story and keeping the plot solidly in place.

Great read!

Congrats also on becoming a preferred author!!

Edits:

1) Everything is going to be all right now that you've retired. I told you you'd love Florida

Need a period after Florida.

2) We've only havea few days."

Have and a need to be uncombined.



"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group
Signature for finalists in 2018 Quill Awards

“There are other worlds than these.”

-Roland Deschain
19
19
Review of Maxie Chapter 21  
Review by Roland King 🌙
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Wow is Harlan perhaps ultimately foot to redeem himself in the final chapter? I really do like the journey you have taken Harlan on. It’s been quite a well-written evolution of his character and I’m pleased to see that you have invested the time into making him a complex character.

Great job of driving the plot and keeping the events rolling to the final chapter which I can’t wait to read. It promises to be a fantastic conclusion and I look forward to seeing how you wrap everything up. A couple edits below.

Edits:

1) As her Thoughts cleared, she remembered the crash. Jason?

Thoughts is incorrectly capitalized.

2) After knocking, she waited, hands in her pockets--one gripping her small, old, nine shot, 22 caliber revolver,

Nine shot should be hyphenated.


"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group
Signature for finalists in 2018 Quill Awards

“There are other worlds than these.”

-Roland Deschain
20
20
Review of Maxie Chapter 20  
Review by Roland King 🌙
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
So having just read the prior chapter, I would perhaps withhold the information about Linda’s potential involvement in the prior chapter. It decreases the usefulness of Jason’s trip to see his mother. Let this chapter be the true reveal of Linda’s involvement instead.

Great job as always!!
"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group
Signature for finalists in 2018 Quill Awards

“There are other worlds than these.”

-Roland Deschain
21
21
Review of Maxie Chapter 19  
Review by Roland King 🌙
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Dang dude excellent love scene!

And also excellent potential twist involving Linda. Great job! Frankly I feel a little sorry for Harlan. It’s like watching a wounded animal struggle to survive at this point.

Only one edit to suggest below. Great job!

Edits:

1) as he slipped the other strap down.

I think you meant to capitalize “as”

"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group
A signature image for use by anyone nominated for a Quill in 2018

“There are other worlds than these.”

-Roland Deschain
22
22
Review of Maxie Chapter 18  
Review by Roland King 🌙
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Well thar was a heck of a chapter. This chapter probably has the best flow out of the whole book. The pacing was great and it generates fantastic suspense for the audience. Maxie and Abbie caused quite a stir at the party and the DNA results provided some much needed answers for Jason.

But perhaps the most fascinating aspect of this chapter was the ups and downs of Harlan’s storyline. Just when he thought he was in the clear, Anna pops up. Then when he thinks he can just run, the mystery blackmailer inadvertently lights a fire under him to make him jump back in the game.

Great job and keep writing!

Edits:

1) Jason nodded, "The Barry’s sample from the lawsuit by his illegitimate daughter doesn't match hers."

I think you meant to delete the first “the” in this sentence.



"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group
A signature image for use by anyone nominated for a Quill in 2018

“There are other worlds than these.”

-Roland Deschain
23
23
Review of Maxie Chapter 17  
Review by Roland King 🌙
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
This was a fantastic chapter. I’m really pleased with the way you developed Feeney as a character. He’s morally ambiguous in an incredibly grey area, but at the same time has been in the wrong place at the wrong time. Circumstances ultimately forced his hand, (he of course still could have done the right thing, but in the moment he Jose what would protect himself and protect his future with Margaret) and he did what he thought he had to do.

The excitement builds as we quickly careen towards the party that will prove to be quite entertaining.

Great job continuing to keep the plot interesting and to maintain the audience’s excitement. One edit below.

Edits:

1) Maxie was right she wouldn't be safe until they did.

There should be a semicolon after “right.”

"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group
A signature image for use by anyone nominated for a Quill in 2018

“There are other worlds than these.”

-Roland Deschain
24
24
Review of Maxie Chapter 16  
Review by Roland King 🌙
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Wow I must admit I did not see this conversation coming. A lot of tension in this chapter. I'm impressed with how you paced the conversation. Knowing Marylou's sudden worry as she realized that she might be in over her head really did increase the level of tension. Great job as always.

Edits:

1) "The last time we talked you were all broken up about losing your}/i} baby Anna,
The rest of the story from this point on is italicized because the format coding was not closed.

"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group
A signature image for use by anyone nominated for a Quill in 2018

“There are other worlds than these.”

-Roland Deschain
25
25
Review of Maxie Chapter 15  
Review by Roland King 🌙
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
And the wheels continue to turn in Cumberland Falls. I like that you are now building towards a couple climactic events. When will Maxie finally be hunted down? What will happen at the party? How big of a scene will Barry make and will it be as big of a scene as in Garth Brooks’ song “Friends in Low Places”? Haha. Great job of building the plot in this chapter and I’m really glad you didn’t drag out the doubt over Maxie potentially being Jason’s sister. Keep on keeping on and no edits to suggest.

"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group
A signature image for use by anyone nominated for a Quill in 2018

“There are other worlds than these.”

-Roland Deschain
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