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Printed from http://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/ronika
Review Requests: OFF
13 Public Reviews Given
Review Style
I will be critical. But nice. I'm not a native English speaker, so don't expect too harsh a grammar lesson. Instead I will be focusing on the craft and level of overall quality of your work. I will tell you what I love. But I will not hold back when I think there is more that can be done. I've a full time job and a family, so short stories and/or essays are the longest I can do. Note: If you don't have or want to spend the 1000 GP, send me an email, I'm not in this for the money ;)
I'm good at...
Telling you if this is worth a shot (it always is) and what you can do to make it better. I wont give you hugs and kisses unless you just took my breath away.
Favorite Genres
short story, essay
Least Favorite Genres
poetry- I wont have anything to say on poetry, it's just not my thing.
Favorite Item Types
static items only
Least Favorite Item Types
novels. just don't have the time. If you want, send me a first chapter - and if it grips me, I will be begging you for the rest of it anyway, so...
I will not review...
18+ or violence. Just not on the mood.
Public Reviews
1
1
Review of The Reading  
Review by Ronika
Rated: E | (4.0)
Creating a story with just dialogue, that still gives a sense of tense is a rather incredible, and if executed well makes for a very good read indeed. You've accomplished that very well indeed.
Characters are portrayed, personalities lurk behind the words and I like that quite a lot.
Not only that, it goes beyond and portrays a whole class of characters - people who want to see their lives as exciting, as "something more" and will strive to be able to say that - even if they may never want to actually live it.

I like this a lot.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
2
2
Review of Bite of Vengeance  
Review by Ronika
Rated: E | (3.5)
Oh well wasn't this just lovely!
First read: gorgeous storyline, lovely development, surprises, details, and the ability to put a smile on my face. Everything I want from a short piece like this.
You never actually reveal what made that day different, what the offence exactly was, that he committed. I'd like to know that, but if this was a conscious decision, I suppose it makes sense and adds to the suspense you manage to create. Even if it can be omitted at first, could it be fit in later? The woman coming home with him does not appear to be it, at least that is how I read it at first.
At a second read, she becomes more obvious. But still... how does the pug know in the morning? How is the deceit first established and noticed? That part feels somewhat inconclusive. But maybe I'm reading it wrong.

Like I said, I like your work a lot. Keep it up and feel free to let me know if I've read it wrong.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
3
3
Review of Duck & Dunk  
Review by Ronika
Rated: E | (3.0)
I liked it. I really did.
A few little things caught my attention:
" dating a young lady that liked to duck " >> who. ;)
Since the dad will hopefully be speaking a bit more as you progress, I am taking the liberty of putting this link in here.
http://www.dailywritingtips.com/showing-dialect-in...
I love that website and it works really well for me.

I really like how "fresh" the whole chapter felt- the speech pattern, the way the story unfolds. :) How's it going to go on?
Also, I'd like to note that - even though I know squat about weaponry - I like the fact you brig in the details of the guns. it shows knowledge and helps the story, I think. I like!!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
4
4
Review of Time-Zoned!!  
Review by Ronika
Rated: E | (4.0)
omg... You made me smile and laugh. I dont know how many times I've the same issue. We're in GMT and our client base and sister site is in the US. Every single year it's the same nightmare.... Senior employees know their way, but you have to tell new hires again and again.

Structurally, I really liked it, there is suspense and humor, as well as actual info.

There's a few small issues; I'd say "this" Friday in the first sentence, to make it more imminent and to take the reader into the action faster.
Also, I'd add a bit more. People (or maybe just me) are not unhappy to learn - especially f it's a field they knew little about. If you don't work in a Global Business, you don't consider time zones on a daily basis. And I'd add more of what you do, how it goes before "big event" and the turning point of the story happens.

But like I said- absolutely loved it. Thanks for making my morning!! (It's lunchtime where you are....)


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
5
5
Review by Ronika
Rated: E | (4.0)
Obviously from a content point of view regarding the last paragraph, I can't comment - I'm not from the US and therefor have no info on how your constitutional rights are interpreted.
Regarding the structure, I found it very good indeed. The beginning is fast, it's taking you right into the action. The dialogue is quick and feels honest and "real".

At one point - where the vice-principal goes straight to suspending her, I felt it went a bit too quick, but at second thought it is just the right way to go: he's had enough of her (in his view) crap, and said what he had to say.

You can tell by the way she talks how old she is, you can distinguish the two speakers clearly - brilliant.
Like it a lot.




6
6
Review of Weaknesses  
Review by Ronika
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
I am loving this. I like the intensity of it. I like the way her decision to go just... happens. There is no big announcement to it. There just *is* that decision.
I would love to see a bit more build up, maybe. not too much, so as to avoid spoiling the flow of things. Maybe her environment can reflect their conflicts bit more? Can there a bit more of it? :)
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