This poem was done well. It sounded like a child would speak. A clear messasge of sibling disruption and love. I loved this. It reminded me of an earlier time when I had a little brother who drove me crazy. He is not with me anymore but I live because of those memories. Thank you for a lovely ride.
Sweethonesty.
Congrtulations on a beautiful free verse poem. Words were so perfect in this piece. I could feel the chill of the cold flake landing on my cheek. Job well done. Yours is the gift. Sweethonesty
I so enjoyed this free verse poem. Your twist on words was excellent. Your description was done with percision. I almost want to visit this terrible man just to look into his eyes. My favorite line was
"His heart laid silent in his pallid frame.
His speed, beauty and fantastic powers"
This was a joib well done. Write on , yours is the gift. Sweethonesty........
I read this piece seveal times to get the full impact that was truly written with a gifted pen. The flow was excellent as was the rhyme. The poetry of life was truly captured as was the brevity. My favorite line was,
"If I’d known then the bough was bent,
I might have been less discontent.
A good job all the way around. Thank you for a real treat.
Sweethonesty.
You have summed up nicely a place we have all been. Well written good flow . My favorite line was,
"What's the matter with my gray matter that there's this cool blue void throbbing there?" I liked this. THank you for sharing one of your empty moments with us. Good job. Write on. Sweethonesty.
This is a lovely poem. The title is fitting and perfect for the story. The words flow beatifully and your love of children and nature rings clearly. In my opinion, for what it is worth, This is a perfect children's story. I read it twice and the second time around, enjoyed it twice as much. Yours is the gift my fellow poet. Write on. Sweethonesty.
The message of this poem is most clear. Well written with a good flow. Good use of metaphor and simili. I enjoyed ths and my favorite line is the last line< She'll guide you to a heavenly fall." After all, it will just happen again. I liked it. Yours is the gift. Write on, Sweethonesty
I had to read ths several times. Your description of pain was clear and exact. Good use of metaphor and grammar. No errors in spelling. My only diffiulty was understanding the why of he suffering, but maybe that was exactly your point. In any event, I enjoyed the read and thank you for shring. Good job. Write on. Sweethonesty.
This was a good red. Its content was complete and well said. It Left this reader with a moment of mystery. The glow was excellent as was the grammar and spelling. Good metaphor usage. I like this poem and thank you for the read.
This a very interesting piece of blank verse. I enjoyed the message. Your verbage was perfect for the message you sent. Good flow of thought. No errors found in grammar or spelling.
I lke the way you put this thought into words. Thank you for a nice trip. Sweethonesty
This was a good read. Your use of descrition is excellent. Good word flow and a nice story line.
I liked your young man. His personality came across clearly. My favorite line was,
"Her long, straight locks of light-blue hair whirled electrically in one funny pony-tail. She wore absolutely no make-up, and her eyes, narrow and piercing dark, fixed his in the most serious amusement. She had pale-pink, thin lips, which betrayed her with a light smile in the corner of her mouth. "
Was a pleasant read. Thank you for the trip. Sweethonesty
I had to read this twice but I thoroughly enjoyed it. I think I understand the message in that when we love we give up who we are to ourselves and become a part of the couple but losing our individuality. This was a good read. Much thought was exerted. Good flow, good words, good grammar. I liked it alot. Thank you. Sweethonesty.
This is a good poem. The flow of words was excellent and your choices of rhyme were spot on. I enjoyed the theme and think that you expressed it well. Good job. You have a talent. write on
Sweethonesty.
You certainly have a way with words moo. I stand in awe of your ability to transform words into action and carry the reader home content. I liked this piece. Great flow and word twisting. I loved it. Will be reading more of your work. You have a wonderful gift. Write on. Sweethonesty
Wow that was a surprise last stanza but certainly well written. Good piece. Good word flow and excellent images. Good grammar, good spelling. I enjoyed the read all the way through. I like the way you play with the reader's emotion in the punch of the last stanza. Thanks for a colorful ride. Sweethonesty.
Read this piece twice. I liked it for the honesty and the sincere review of who you are. You are correct in believing that you say what is on your mind. That is admirabale. THis had good word flow good grammar and good spelling. I was taken back by your lack of capitalization but I gues that is your style. Nice job you write clearly and your message is received. Write on Sweethonesty
This is a nice piece of work. A profound statement. When all is said and done all that remains regardles of the pace of its travelers is the road. It does bare a comparison to life. When all is said and done regardles of how we got there the world remains unscathed and continues to go on. I liked the read. Good flow good theme most enjoyable. Thank you. Sweethonesty
You write with a clarity that is admirable. It is a good read and the word flow excellent. Good grammar and spelling. The delema remains a constant for the women who experience abusive love. It is not an easy decision for a woman expecially when thee are children. Good read. Thank you for sharing. Sweethonesty
This is a beautiful tribute to a very special relationship. You have made his essence very clear and the word flow is excellent. Good description and feelings. Only we who have lost one so loved can really know what you experience. I lost my brother four years ago and still hear and feel his presence. I think somehow it is our gift that enables us to go on without them. So sorry for your loss. Write on. Sweethonesty.
This was a heartfelt piece of poetry. The emotion felt was carried through to the reader.
Good grammar and good spelling. my only suggestion and this is my own idioscrincy is I would have kept the lines equal in each stanze. But that does not deminish the quality of this beautiful blank verse poem. NIce job. Favorite line was , You have faded from my mind
But in my heart you do reside." How very true this can be. Write on Sweethonesty.
THis is a wonderful guidline and thank you for sharing it with me. I will put much of what you have said to use in my next short story. Thank you again. Sweethonesty
This is piece that really makes the reader feel your moment of truth. The flow is good and the feelings are very real to the reader. Grammar good. Spelling good. This had to be a very hard time to review the memory. Job well done. You have a gift work it. Many thanks Sweethonesty.
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