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Printed from http://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/roots
Review Requests: OFF
20 Public Reviews Given
Public Reviews
1
1
Review by Floyd Roots
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Dear Fangus,
Thank you for this delightful short story of horror. It reminds me of the writing of Stephen King when he wrote "The Crate"... vicious and to the point!
I like stories when the 'boogie man' is much worse than imagined.
I lack the skills of a great reviewer, but I do know what I like, and you have done a great job with this one as far as I am concerned.
Keep on writing my friend!
God bless,
Floyd
2
2
Review by Floyd Roots
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Dear Angus,
What a delightful story. I can tell from the read that you yourself have been 'lost in the woods' while hunting. For the most part, folks have no idea about that feeling of.. over the next hill... more trees.. and no idea of direction.. etc.
I have been there and done that in the mountains of Colorado while elk hunting, and this story brought back the old sensation of that.
Great ending with the Mountain Men Brothers at the cabin.
Very well written, very well done.
Great read!
Floyd
3
3
Review of Christmas Stray  
Review by Floyd Roots
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
My Dear Faith,
Thank you for posting your story. I really enjoyed reading it. The title caught my eye right away, I guess because I'm a 'Christmasy kinda guy'.
I'm not really worthy enough to 'review' anyone's work as far as spelling, structure, plot, content. I just know what I like, and I liked your story. I like the way that you wrote in first person, and as a dog.. how cool. Your descriptions were very well done and the story kept my attention through out. Just wish it could have been longer.
Once again, thank you for your story.
God bless,
Floyd
4
4
Review of Groundhog Day  
Review by Floyd Roots
Rated: E | (4.0)
Thank you for such a cute little short story. I really enjoyed that. It reminded me of some of the stories that I used to read long ago as a child. Very well done, thank you!
Floyd
5
5
Review of Last Day  
Review by Floyd Roots
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Thank you for writing and submitting this story. I am not a professional writer or reviewer, but) I know what I like.. so I'll just comment on what I read, and not the mechanics.
I think that the story was very well written and I really loved the descriptions. This is the type of tale that I think would keep a reader engrossed no matter the length, because of your writing style. The ghost of the little girl is a very nice touch, as I would imagine that these are the type of things that would go through the killers frightened mind during his last day.
The only thing that I would like to have seen, and you must think me morbid, (which I am) is a more lengthy description of the actual execution.. however, that is just the horror side of my brain taking over. What you did here was who you are, and it was very well done. Bravo.
Floyd
6
6
Review of What If  
Review by Floyd Roots
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Dear K,
I think you are on your way to a very good story here. You are very believable as a teenage girl, and your insights are amazingly so.
I can't wait to read more.
Great job!!
Floyd
7
7
Review by Floyd Roots
Rated: E | (4.0)
Bravo!
This is one well written piece of work.
I enjoyed reading this. The feeling that I got from this was like I was watching an old black and white 'B' movie out of the fifties, with the bluesy saxophone playing in the background and the dingy apartment.
The storyline is great.
The ending is a complete surprise!
I loved it.
God bless,
Floyd
8
8
Review by Floyd Roots
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hello. My name is Floyd. Thank you for writing this story. I will not get into the 'mechanics' of the writing, as you will be getting plenty of that from others who read and review this. I will comment on the story line itself.
I think that you have a very good imagination and I like the way that you decribe the woods, and how you were lost and had gone in circles. Anyone who has been in the deep woods knows what you are talking about.
Your description ideas were very well put together. I'm sure that you will get a lot of nice advice from people here to help you along with that. People who, I'm sure, are better than I at such things.
I also like how the person telling the story 'discovers' from reading the diary that he is actually a ghost of Don Wanky 1. Nicely done.
The very ending was light and fun to read.
Thank you for sharing. Good luck should you decide to 'hone' this story even more.
God bless,
Floyd
9
9
Review of My Halloween....  
Review by Floyd Roots
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Good evening Ms. Tiffany,
Thank you for letting me read your story. I always enjoy stories of this type, and I like what you have done here. My name is Floyd. I am a 'newby' here as well. I have done quite a lot of writing in my younger days for various magazines and periodicals, and even a few newspapers. Now, this certainly does not make me an expert of any kind.. I'm a lousy speller.. and I have always been lucky enough to have good proof readers that worked on my behalf.
So with all of that... I would like to say a few things, but please take everything that I say very lightly, as it means nothing more than just opinion, and deal mainly with mechanics.
If it were my story.....
____________ ______________ ______________

You mention nothing about your character being startled when she hears the BANG.... or even at the second BANG. Now let me tell you.. had it been me.. it would have scared the living daylights out of me!!!! (something you want to convey to your reader)

"I immediately looked at my door. There was an eerie yellow light flooding through the seal around the edges. It banged again and the whole door fell off the hinges. A dark black figure stood in the frame and lunged at me, grabbing my throat. The figure slammed me against my window, pushing me harder and harder. It's grip was becoming tighter and tighter as I tried to escape. Then clear as day it said, "Ginger."
My name. "
~In my opinion, there needs to be more action here... for example, the BANG that knocks the hinges off of the door needs to be the biggest bang of all.. almost an explosion.. here you say "It banged again and the whole door fell off of the hinges"
Wouldn't it look better if the door 'flew' off of it's hinges? That would indicate some sort of huge force that knocked it in.
Next you say "A dark black figure stood in the frame and lunged at me, grabbing my throat."
I see what you are trying to say, but there needs to be some sort of a mini build up here.. . some sort of suspense. .. for example.. did he have eyes? what kind of eyes? was he breathing? how? did he have foul breath? how tall was he? how muscular was he? Was he demon like? How about his teeth?.. these are things that might build the story line.
When he slammed you against the window.. how did it feel? Did it stun you? Knock the wind from you? Were you frightened? Did the window break? (might be a good effect there)
It would be a little smoother, if you would have worded it .. Then, clear as day, it said my name. "Ginger!" The way you worded it... "It said "Ginger." My name. Well, we kind of know that without you needing to say that it was your name after the fact... before the fact works much better.
Ok, the last paragraph... in the middle of the paragraph, you make a sudden 90 degree turn when you say "I moved my bedroom up to the attic so I had more space, and the window's were loose, so they always opened." It doesn't really fit anything... it has no bearing to the story.
And~ it would have been a better ending if you would have just left the last sentence off.... and ended with, "What a freaky nightmare, god." I said to myself, wiping my forehead.
-------------- ------------------- ---------------------
So there you go, my slant on your story... now, as I mentioned before.. take little or no heed to my observations. I think that your story is a good one and when, and if, you hone it up, you can take or leave any of my suggestions. Please know that they are given in the best of spirits.
Welcome to the group and most of all.. no matter what... have fun!!
Floyd
10
10
Review of Camping  
Review by Floyd Roots
Rated: E | (4.5)
Nice work Isola. :)
This is a feel-good poem. I am a camper myself. I know what you are saying!
Keep on writing! :)
Floyd
11
11
Review of Branding  
Review by Floyd Roots
Rated: E | (4.5)
Nicely done. I have worked this scene several times, coming from Southwest Kansas. Brings back good feelings.
Keep up the good work!
Floyd
12
12
Review of Wishful Bay  
Review by Floyd Roots
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hi, my name is Floyd. I write quite a bit of poetry, mostly horror and satire. Please accept my review with a grain of salt. I have no special qualifications. :)
I like the meter of your poem and the story behind it. There are a few words that I might change if this was my writing.. just to take away some of the awkwardness.
--------------------
"Then with a chomp, I felt it's teeth.
It pulled me down, to depths beneath.

As it bit down, I felt it's teeth..... would be a bit smoother.
-----------------------
"Then suddenly my arm was out!
I rose to light... my will was stout." (seems a little off balance.. 'will was stout?)

Then suddenly it released my arm
I rose to light.. away from harm
--------------------------
The shark had stolen limb, and hand,
the one in which the coin was crammed. (no... crammed is not a good word here....too awkward)

The reader already knows that the shark had bit him..right?...so it would be smoother to say something like..
The price I paid was limb and hand
for the trinket lying in the sand

Anyway.. that being said.... good story. I like it! Keep on writing!
Floyd
13
13
Review of Timber  
Review by Floyd Roots
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Oh yes, this tale of horror sends chills up and down my pine!
The protesters should have known better, but then again... you never know when your lumber is up! :D
14
14
Review of Buzz, Buzz  
Review by Floyd Roots
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Ohhhhh nice :D
"Makes me wonder if she had 'unlimited' texting.. he he he" (my Cryptkeeper impression)
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