This is an excellent thread. If the editing was done more, I would give it higher. Also the obsession with obesity is not really my thing. Otherwise, what a great idea! Keep going!
Casey, I wanted to give you 4.5 stars. I truly did. But I couldn't help but worry that this would bring complacency. Some of this is in desperate need of editing! And some contributions are just pointless. So I will give you 4 stars in the hope that you will reform some of the weakness of this amazing and brilliant story! Please give us more!
What an unique take on genderbending! Instead of cursing, chemicals, objects or anything; we have self infliction as well as the potential for any form of transformation! Cardio, you have hit a winner here! A special thanks to Lexy for her unique take on the relationship between Shawn and Becky! Well written everyone who contributed!
Okay, I love the possibilities that this awesome interactive offers. Kat's motivation is highly suspect, but capable of many things. Is she evil, misguided or justified in her anger? And how nice is the lazy Dan? Is he actually that nice or is he kinda of a jackass who you want to undergo suffering? I like that we have multiple threads about which way our primary character functions. Thank you very much, Grand Duke!
I am going to brief in my review of this interactive. It is a good series with a lot of options. It just needs regular editing. The character of Christy is very good.
Well this is informative. I can't help but wonder if it might be better offering trial paid memberships for free and 2000 GPs just to entice more people to this site. As for advertising, while I appreciate the need for banner ads to get people involved, I would caution people about the choice of advertising that you put up. Some people might be offended or too young to cope with some of the raunchier advertising. Just as a thought
There is something to be said for simplicity! That was simply lovely! It had a clever theme and plot. Engaging and believable characters and the delightful honesty that an innocent child could provide. And little Sarai sounds like a very clever little girl. And I loved the way Nana was able to win over Scarlett. What surprising names for girls, Sarai and Scarlett. Well written and thoroughly enjoyable. Thanks Queenowl
Funny neighbours indeed! Each one seems to have their own quirk, their own oddness! How interesting how traditional, one might even say backwards, the neighbours are compared to the modern Michelle. The only twist missing is Sherry expressing a romantic/sexual interest in Michelle. Honestly this is a nice little story and I will give it 4 stars. I am not really won over by this story in the same way as some of your works, because I find these characters slightly one-dimensional. The Sherry is secretly a closet case would actually give this story a lift, but that's me. Norma as another, relatively modern person does add something. Well written, look forward to expanding it or further chapters.
Interest chapter, J.E. Durham! Seth certainly has the making of a Malcolm from Malcolm in the Middle like character. I recognise the sarcasm, the completely shocked incredulity of being related to such unusual people. And mostly, the contrast in the interactions between the cranky Grandma a la Ida with Seth/Malcolm juxtaposed with her relationship with Starr/Reese. Very well prepared, look forward to more.
Oh if only it was that simply to end that myriad of thoughts that pulsate and demand processing in our tender cerebral cortexes! Another fine example of a well "thought out"; yes I said that!; piece of writing, exploring the convention of men and women. J.E.Durham, you truly have a gift for these pieces! I look forward to undergoing the undertake of exploring the full depths of your vast portfolio. Keep creating, my friend!
Well this seemed genuine and honest. It was well written. It would have been easier to read if it was broken up into smaller paragraphs though, but that is about the harsher criticism I will give you. Let me know how things went with Nettie, I will be rooting for you. Being 17 truly sucks, believe me it gets a lot easier and harder at the same time. You will not really want to go back if you are honest. I look forward to hearing from you. Well written, new friend and I hope romance between you and Nettie comes through.
I don't like to express personal opinion in a review. However when a review touches you, you must respond. I almost gave this a 5 star. I have only given out one to a truly sad story. I pray this was a work of fiction. It is too horrible to be real. I can't say well written because I don't know if this is real or not. And though if it is, you will not want to hear it, that proves the quality of what has been typed. Best wishes and condolences.
Okay, that was funny! I love the one you turned a classic song into the best way to express a sentiment shown in the movie Fred Claus. I am pleased someone took the time to declare what a wonderful, alternative view this is to the classic legend of the old fat red suited man entered domiciles without express permission. Brilliantly crafted and the use of the Tommy machine gun, was that a Futurama reference? Delightful, keep writiny!
Queen Owl, this is a very important expression of thought. Somewhere along the line we forget the message behind this so called 'political correctness'. The goal was to teach acceptance of people for differences. Now it has been transformed into a means of repression, to keep people from expressing themselves. While I don't subscribe to the phrase 'a rose by any other name would smell as sweet'; I certainly understand its meaning. Words are not enough, we should show true acceptance with actions. And I applaud you for saying the truth, this 'political correctness' is a sham. Top notch!
Whoa! I....I am silently stunned. This surprise ending pushed a 4 star chapter into a 4.5 star stunner. The grandmother chose to shot herself and her husband? That was beyond unexpected. The brilliant way you established our main character not as a cold hearted monster, but as a woman of principle exploited by her self-centered, legitimately hard hearted mother. This was very well written! Please keep going, J.E, you have true skill!
I once reviewed your work and was less than kind, so I decided I had to review a different one to show that I can be kind as well. Reading your mother's poem, I desperately wanted to give it a really high rating. I can't do that and be fair to you. This poem was ok, but I have been harsher to far more poets and given low ratings. So I am giving you a soft 3.5 stars. I hope your mother is well and I wish her all the best.
I am torn spidergirl, as I find myself going through increasingly. The piece of working is interesting....but there are some things that bring my rating down. How many times do you use the word name? Too often and it really hurts this work from 7 years ago. Obviously you have written far greater works since then, so I have no issue giving you a very soft 3.5 stars. You are capable of much greater work and you have proved it in other works. Keep writing!
I thought about what rating you deserved. I reminded myself that you wrote this a year ago. The odds remain you would have improved significantly since you wrote this. So let’s begin with constructive criticism first. The issues are spacing, spelling and repetition. Whenever you create a tale (notice I avoid the 'w' word), it needs to be readable, so start a new paragraph after about 5-7 lines (8 maximum). And remain consistent in its application. How many times did you use imagine? Use a thesaurus to avoid monotonous use of the same word ad nauseam.
The spell check on Microsoft word can be invaluable. Please feel free to activate it. Grammar is important, so if possible try to avoid "and" to link two sentences too often. It sounds if I may be frank, as if you are learning to converse in English. Now with the criticism concluded (please note I separate the criticisms in two), I like your chapter. The character's sense of desperation and confusion were well written (more descriptive words perhaps). The setting was reasonably well explained. Overall a solid effort, keep writing.
Well Don Two, that sounds like a reasonable explanation to the tragic and horrific condition known as obsessive compulsive disorder. You describe the gnawing, the endless battle for control, to achieve the necessary goal. Your choice of words especially using the animal bulldog and the use of teeth and biting is excellent. I am pleased to see how seriously you have taken in describing this piece of writing. Top Notch. Please keep writing.
Well this is an important theme for all of us. While repetition occurs, the importance of the emotional descriptions made, the use of unwavering logic coupled with strong stirrings of the heart compels me to give this near maximum. Blacpoet, this is a fine poem. Words fail me mostly when preparing this review. Therefore, I am awarding you a well deserved 4.5 stars. Well done and please don't stop contributing to this site!
Despite the rhyming, that was beautiful. Nothing rates as sweetly as the eternal journey to conquer longing and loneliness by finding one's soul mate, not matter how long the battle. Not sure about why there are men in gray, but still a beautiful poem. I like that there are many faceless strangers seeking out the love of their lives or walking with them in eternal bless. Laughter and tears, I deeply enjoy this writing! Please keep writing, its beautiful.
Rainangel, I am torn. Some part of me wants to give you a much higher rating. But in truth, that would be giving you a disservice. So I am going to give you the lower rating, certain that your contributions in the succeeding 4 years are of a much higher quality. There are a lot of strong elements at work here. As you may have noticed, I give thought or emotional provoking pieces a much higher rating.
The reason this piece doesn't get is the lack of strong language (profanity doesn't make it strong) and the limitation of the word count (it is far too short for so important a theme as you present). Nevertheless this had positive qualities like definition and description with intertwined magnificently. And it is very emotional and thought provoking, so please keep writing!
I read this twice to be sure I wanted to give you this review. After reading it a second time, I have to be honest. This poem is full of repetition and excessive linking, which I must confess Valerie sounds artistic, but comes off as extremely formulaic and somewhat immature. You seem to have a strong style and there are power in your words. But the emotions they evoke are choked by the constant unyielding reusage of words. So I will give you a 3.5, more for your talent than for this weak piece. You have great skill, please keep writing and prepare a better article of writing than this. This looks like an early piece, I am sure your next piece will be a 4plus rating. Keep writing!
Interest take, Ignatius on the meaning of the passage of time and its experience. I wanted to give you a much higher rating than I did, but sadly I had difficulty following it, so I couldn't. I applaud your choice both of words and themes. This has a mature and strong setting, that tends to surpass much of the traditional rhyming tales. I am thrilled that I got to read a prison poem from a different point of view. Well done and keep writing!
Wow, Pritchett! Now that backs an emotional punch! Other than the lack of spacing and paragraphing, this is an excellent piece of writing. I like how personal it got. I like how the point was very well done. However you use the word stranger 5 times and the word invisible 3 times. While repetition can be important, it can be overdone. Fortunately the power of the emotive language goes a long way to removing this. Still, I suggest in your next posting, that you avoid that. The central character is very expressive and we can all relate to her tale. Well done and keep writing!
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/rrobbie37/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/4
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.24 seconds at 1:49pm on Apr 25, 2024 via server web1.
| (4.0)
| (4.5)
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
My review has been submitted for consideration in "