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Review Requests: OFF
191 Public Reviews Given
192 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
very detailed reviews
I'm good at...
very detailed reviews - - addressing grammar, mechanics, figurative language & figures of speech, organization, punctuation, etc.
Favorite Genres
historical fiction - - flash fiction - - poetry - - adventure/action - - mystery - - non-fiction - - young adult fiction - - children's literature - - realistic fiction
Least Favorite Genres
(extremely graphic horror)
Public Reviews
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76
76
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello! I wanted to review this winning piece and congratulate you on your winning accomplishment.

One of the groups I have joined even though I'm new to WDC is the WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group. We do a "raid" monthly and try to give many reviews, some in great detail, some to celebrate successes, etc.

This month, we are focusing on the latter. I had found this contest and its prompt quite interesting and sent in a submission, so I was of course interested in the winning piece.

I can definitely see why the judge(s) like it! The creative names you included are both relevant and humorous (in keeping with the comments in your bio). I had also included relatives and those who "Common Sense" left behind, but I really like yours, again along with the inventive names. The conclusion is also both relevant and humorous. You definitely have a knack for combining the two.

Another way in which I see your submission as superior to my own is its brevity. I struggle in my writing to not be wordy. Your submission is concise, fun, and thought-provoking.

Again, congrats on your accomplishment!

Keep writing!

Ruth

https://2160182


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
77
77
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Thank you for sharing this piece.

I came across it after searching for "Flash Fiction" as part of a project to earn an MB in "Word Economy" (which I need to practice intently, given that I'm always editing pieces to make them shorter). I found it very satisfying.

This is a very warm piece. I haven't experienced that often in my reviews. There are many dark pieces posted, and I find that I don't have a lot of tolerance (no pun intended) for them, being retired from teaching and wanting to lighten up my life and not have to deal with harsh realities (or fiction) quite so much.

As your reader, I can clearly see this setting. Your description was natural. In your first sentence, I knew where the narrator was and could picture both the wintry scene and a European countryside. In your second sentence, I knew what the problem or conflict was.

As I read, I also found that I appreciated and enjoyed your word choice. Here are a few that I recall enjoying:
monotony, wintry countryside, haunting, startled me, corridor, penetrating gaze, a lad, solitary, a flicker of recognition, I smiled sympathetically, imagining that his lot in life we were silent friends, such disparate backgrounds, a moment of empathy, in the middle of nowhere, Later I recalled to vivid memory, tirelessly questioned, the current climate of hysteria, seized and put only God knows where until the world sorted itself out, Wrestling with my conscience, a presumption of innocence, subsequently, no more terrorist than I, The fullness of time has a way of dashing rumors and innuendo to shreds, a leap of faith, those reflected dark eyes of pain

Room for improvement:
- - paragraph 7 - reads awkwardly, perhaps a colon after memory might better communicate this to the reader
- - the phrase "put only God knows where" reads awkwardly, perhaps re-word?

I know it's an older piece in your portfolio, but it looks like it was recently edited perhaps, and the word "tolerance" in the prompt drew me in.

Keep writing!
Ruth


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
78
78
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
This was a fun piece to read!

After posting in "Noticing Newbies", welcoming some fellow newcomers there, and posting welcoming messages in a few of their 'Notebooks', I thought I'd share a review or two. Since your introduction mentioned the items already added to your Portfolio, I just browsed through a few.

I truly appreciate the sense of humor in this piece. You establish a nice 'distraction' (not sure if I've found the right word there) from where you were headed in a way that built suspense and increased the surprise and irony in the final line.

I just wish my eye hadn't trickled down to the last line before I read the whole piece...but I still appreciated the unexpected direction taken at the end. I have found their format a little odd here when I try to upload pieces or type them directly in. Since I can't tab to indent a new paragraph, I've taken to spacing between all paragraphs. I don't know if others let their eye slip down to the bottom as mine did, but maybe spacing that way will better present/format your ideas for your readers in this site. (??)

I only caught a few punctuation/mechanics things that could improve the reader's comprehension and/or decrease some distraction:
- - paragraph 2, sentence 2 - - is a sentence fragment, missing the subject - The reader can infer that it's John, but it causes awkwardness.
- - I know it's optional/debated, but in your lists, I prefer the Oxford comma.
- - I think that last line would flow in more smoothly if you ended the line before it with a colon tying the two together as one.

Again, a fun piece!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
79
79
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi! I'm now getting to the reviews I mentioned when, as a newbie myself, I was posting a little "hello" to some other newbies in "Noticing Newbies".

While I have taught, written, and appreciated poetry, I chose just this one to review instead of each of yours I read. I guess I've been immersing myself in nonfiction and history a bit excessively lately. I had a hard time relating to the others, but I sensed there was much more to them that I was digesting. I tried to just breath and think deeply, to move into the realm of symbolism and abstraction, but knew I wasn't in the frame of mind in the present.

Still, I truly appreciated many of the figures of speech you incorporated into this particular work and wanted to get back to it when I could enumerate your many creative uses of figurative language. Things like alliteration, simile, metaphors, allusion, and others often jump out at me and speak to me in prose, and I found them compelling in your poem.

First: This title is compelling. This alone made me want to read on. So interesting/creative!

Stanza 1:
Line 1 = Simile!
Stanza 1 = Such fun adjectives! - - young, falling, sultry, brimming, steepled, translucent, frozen
Stanza 1 = Something that definitely hooked me was the set of three alliterative pairs at the end of the stanza. Reminds me how true it is that most poetry is truly intended to be heard aloud rather than read silently:
- - transform translucent - - snapshots - - frozen frames

Stanza 2:
Stanza 2 alliteration = meadow's mane
There is so much imagery here to envision!

Stanza 3:
What a keen change in the organization of the formats! This single line holds the reader in place. I think I even went back to read it again since your organization of the stanzas highlighted it.

Stanza 4:
Stanza 4, Line 1 = Simile!
Alliteration = feathers filter
Personification = winter (consider capitalizing it?) steals a kiss
Literary allusion = Powerful and contemplative inclusion/references to Heathcliff and Catherine
Metaphor = Heathcliff = the bitter wind

Stanza 5:
Alliteration = stowing secrets - - sharp slap
Again, the adjectives (and adverbs) used here I felt were powerful: gently, icy, sharp
.....the verbs too: lists, welcoming, stowing, ...

I think part of what made this poem draw me in more were all of the elements of Nature. This made for some creative mental images.
Look how plentiful they were:
- - falling mists, brimming fields, steepled flame, a meadow's mane, seasons reaping hand, Seeping earth, soiled doves, torrential, billowing clouds, feathers filter light, winter, bitter wind, mighty storm, snow lists gently, an icy glaze...
Then I realize I am also struck by the bodily images juxtaposed with these (and emotions):
- - young eyes, sultry lips, tears of laughter, frozen frames (where frames could be torsos and not literal photo holders), Flushed cheeks glow brilliantly, trampled strands, anxious feet, reaping hand, skin pale, sighs, steals a kiss, passionate, his perusal, welcoming vows, stowing secrets, weeping...

Some of my favorite moments, favorite phrases, favorite word choices:
falling mists
brimming fields of steepled flame (wonderful imagery!)
Flushed cheeks glow brilliantly against trampled strands
anxious feet,
seasons reaping hand
pricked
heavens torrential sighs.
billowing clouds,
the winter steals a kiss
The bitter wind is a passionate Heathcliff (metaphor)
wary
her ethereal garb beckons his perusal.
He drives the mighty storm to her door.
Watch how snow lists gently down - - nice element with the exclamation/command to the reader
beneath an icy glaze.
Tranquility (juxtaposed with) sharp slap of weeping.


I hope that was helpful.
I just wanted to share those parts that were meaningful and how some of them impacted one reader.
Question:
Was your combination of elements of nature and the pairing with body parts & emotions carefully planned or did that come out of you naturally without you realizing a reader would see it as a type of pairing??

Keep writing!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
80
80
Review of Waiting  
Rated: E | (3.0)
While the storyline is interesting and the ending is both intriguing and tragic, the sentence structure distracted me all throughout this piece. There are multiple sentence fragments and run-on sentences. While we all use these on occasion for emphasis, for me, these became awkward and resulted in distracting the reader from your overall storyline and its impact.

I liked your lead paragraph. The short sentences were clear and provided a hook to want to read on.

Word count? If you have room for a little more, it would be nice (and interesting) to get to know these two women better because you've done a good job of heightening the reader's interest and making us want to know them better.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
81
81
Review of You Deserved It  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Your descriptions work as I can see this as a mind movie.
The lead sentence was not an asset as I had to go back and read it again.
While the descriptive word use helped the imagery, there were inconsistencies. Some vocabulary was more advanced or formal (such as refuse, tendrils, grotesque, recomposed, encompassed, grappled, resolute, etc.), yet this made other common/base/crass terms jump out at the reader and seem to not fit: butt, the beer bottle rolling on the floor, etc.
The double negative in the early dialogue helps to communicate the husband's true character.
The descriptions "tattered sneakers" and "toothy smile" were incredibly effective.
-- a bit of an abrupt end to the last three sentences, but that happens to me too with the very short 300-word limitation.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
82
82
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Well-developed!

It's so hard with so few words to develop a character and his/her dilemma, but this one really works. I see why it was honored here.

The very brief ending is satisfying and heart-warming without being corny.

What other writings are you working one?
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