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Hello Amyberry, how are you? Welcome to WDC. I hope you enjoy your time here. I have just read your poem, "Bok Choy," which I found on the Newbie listings, and thought I would leave some comments.
I must admit, I have never heard of bok choy. I do not eat much Chinese foods.
However, I did find the poem fun, if a little short, and I am sure I would like bok choy if I tried it.
Thank you for sharing.
If you would like to meet other Newbies pop along to my tea rooms and introduce yourself.
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Hello Muslimah1, how are you? Welcome to WDC. I hope you enjoy your time here. I have just read your item, "Stay Committed And Stay Beautiful," which I found on the random reviews, and thought I would leave some comments.
A short piece, however, some very good advice. We must always believe in ourselves.
Suggestions: Remember to always begin a new sentence with a capital letter.
Hello Sophie, how are you? I hope you enjoying your time here at WDC. I have just read your poem, " A Simple Goodbye," which I found on the random reviews, and thought I would leave some comments.
What a beautiful poem describing a short life. Such powerful words ,it actually brought a tear to my eye, so sad.
Hello meteorite, how are you? Welcome to WDC. I hope you enjoy your time here. I have just read your poem, " Sylvia Died Today," and thought I would leave some comments.
What a very moving, sad, little poem about your friend.
I imagine it was difficult to write, having memories of her as she was and then in the hospice.
Hello the scribe, how are you? I have just read your poem, "Unconditional Love," which I found on the random reviews, and thought I would leave some comments.
This is lovely and very true. We cannot compare a love for our children with any other.
I like that the poem is short, I think we can say a lot with few words.
Hello Zamira Sigel-Kulick, how are you? Welcome to WDC. I hope you enjpy your time here. I have just read your poem, "Love At First Sight," which I found on the random reviews, and thought I would leave some comments.
I believe in love at first sight, although, I am not sure that it lasts.
There are a few lines, in your poem, that do not quite read right.
This one: "When time stood at a standstill/froze" I think this would read better something like,"When time came to a standstill."
Also: "Like the wind could carry me away at any moment to a far-off-land/faraway" A far off land is far away," So just a far off land would do.
Lastly: "You gazed into my eyes
as/and I into yours "
Hello vaish, how are you? Welcome to WDC. I hope you enjoy your time here. I have just read your poem, "Just One Anyone," which I found on the random reviews, and thought I would leave some comments.
I think we all feel like this at times.
My only suggestion: I would not type some lines or words in capitals. it does not make it very pleasant to read.
Hello Kitty, welcome to WDC. I hope you enjoy your time here. I have just read your item, "Darkened Fields," which I found on the random reviews, and thought i would leave some comments.
Just a quick note really, as you have not really written anything. You can set the item to private till you are ready post. That way it saves you getting unwanted reviews and rating.
Hello Barnaby , I have just read your poem, I Know A Bully," which I found on the random reviews, and thought I would leave some comments.
There is so much truth in this poem. People usually see a bully as just that, a bully. However, there is always something going on in their life, that makes them a bully.
Hello JennyHeart , how are you? I have just read your poem, "Heart's Desire Haiku: My Wedding Day," which I found on the random reviews, and thought I would leave some comments.
Sad to think your daughters do not speak. I hope they make up, life is too short to be arguing.
You describe your poem as a Haiku, however,a Haiku should be a three line poem.
Hello Barnaby, welcome to WDC. I hope you enjoy your time here. I have just read your poem, "Breathing Your Love Away," which I found on the random reviews, and thought I would leave some comments.
What a lovely title and fits the poems well.
I love the poem and it's meaning. You have a good rhyme sequence, however, it is a little bumpy. I think if you tighten up the syllable count, it will make a much more even read.
Hello Sariah, how are you? I have just read your story, "Rage Within," which I found on the random reviews, and thought I would leave some comments.
I think you are very brave indeed to share this story. I can relate to it completely, however, I have never been able to put it in to words. Perhaps one day.
You are right of course, some people are not meant to be parents. It is very sad.
Hello Purple Nelly, how are you? I have just read your item," Numbers And The Boys," which I found on the random reviews and thought I would leave some comments.
A bit confused with this one, as you do not actually say what you do apart from work with numbers and boys. perhaps you could elaborate?
However, whatever it is, it seems to keep you busy.
Hello Colleen K, how are you? Welcome to WDC. I hope you enjoy your time here. I have just read your story, "Last Christmas," which I found on the random reviews, and thought I would leave some comments.
What a great story, I was glued from beginning to end. Would it not be lovely if this really happened and by the way you described Caleb, the sooner the better!.
Hello Explacat, how are you? I have just read your poem, "Outside A World," which I found on the random reviews, and thought I would leave some comments.
I have read a few of these, "Wonderful World," poems, not as deep as this one though.
It is a wonderful world, it is just that things happen in the world that are not wonderful.
Hello theleakyjar, how are you? Welcome to WDC. I hope you enjoy your time here. I have just read your poem, "Bus Line," which I found on the random reviews, and thought I would leave some comments.
I like this, although, I am not sure why. It suggests death and that I fear. However, your poem brings out curious thoughts especially this part:
"What landscape exists outside
the structured
layout of the safe line
of interconnected societies?"
Hello Grace Raine , how are you? Welcome to WDC. I hope you enjoy your time here. I have just read your poem, "Seen, " which I found on the random reviews, and thought i would leave some comments.
I think you are right, we all do want to be seen.
Fourth line, you have senn instead of seen.
Also the last two line, "For isn't that what we all want to be?
To be seen?o line," it does not read quite right as you ended one line with the words, "to be,' and then started the next with the same words. I think if you left them out in the first line, it would read much better.
Hello Josie, how are you? Welcome to WDC. I hope you enjoy your time here. I have just read your poem, "For Erik With Love," which I found on the random reviews, and thought I would leave some comments.
A pretty poem and written from the heart.
I love this verse,
"Translucent wings
Floating
Together
yet parting"
it conjures up all kinds of images.
My only suggestion is this line,"Upon White water Lily’s," white does not a need a capital letter.
Hello Sunny, how are you? Welcome to WDC. I hope you enjoy your time here. I have just read your story,"The Sound Of Sunshine," which I found on the random reviews, and thought I would leave some comments.
You are very talented, I really enjoyed this beautiful story. The imagery is excellent, I could quite clearly see the whole story in my minds eye. I wanted to read more.
Hello Francis Mckenzie Elliot, how are you? Welcome to WDC. I hope you enjoy your time here. I have just read your poem, "The Girl In The Mirror," which I found on the random reviews, and thought I would leave some comments.
It is very sad when we feel we need to change who we really are, just to ,"fit in."
The problem is all the friends we have, that we would not have had, if we did not change, are not really friends at all.
Suggestions: Your poem has quite a good rhyme sequence, however, I do find the rhythm off. I think if you could tighten up the syllable count it would make the poem a much better read.
Hope this helps.
Sanita
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