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Hello DeSoto, how are you? Welcome to WDC. I hope you enjoy your time here.
Thank you for your request to review your poem.
Very emotional and caring piece. We should of course all be kind to animals the same as we would humans. They have as much right to be here as we do.
Suggestions: First of all, a sonnet should comprise of only fourteen lines You have 21.
Your title: "The Hope For All abused Animales," should be ," The Hope For All abused Animals,"
Also this line:"As dusk gives way to night we sit I beside them " I do not think the word ,"I " should be there.
So a nice piece, however, you need to make it shorter to qualify as a sonnet. You may find the best way is to break it up in to three four line verses and then end with two lines.
Hello p.t, how are you? Welcome to WDC. I hope you enjoy your time here. I have just read your poem, "The Truth In Fairy Tales," which I found on the random reviews, and thought i would leave some comments.
Well you have really burst my bubble. I believe in fairy tale endings!
Seriously, you are quite right, life is never so simple.
Hello Exold, how are you? I have just read your poem, " The Legend Of Colonimus," which I found on the random reviews, and thought I would leave some comments.
A tale of two giants fighting to the death, I am glad it was the dragon that fell.
You have quite a good rhyme sequence, although lost in some places. For example: burst and dust. Also held and wield.
Hello Jonewton123, how are you? I am not sure if I have reviewed you before, but if not, a belated welcome to WDC. I hope you are enjoying your time here. I have just read your poem," The Cat, " which I found on the random reviews, and thought I would leave some comments.
I like cat poems and have written a few myself. Cats are intriguing little creatures. I especially like this one, as is it a witches cat.
I liked this verse:
"A worm, a badger’s eye,
a child’s scream.
One for the pot.
One for me."
Hello blue, how are you? Welcome to WDC. I hope you enjoy your time here. I have just read your item, "Ember," and thought I would leave some comments.
Ember, sounds like a mystical land indeed. The sort of place we dream of.
Are you going to add to this? Although, it is nice as it is.
Hello chandu rapeti, how are you? Welcome to WDC. I hope you enjoy your time here. I have just read your item," Not Enough Time," which I found on the random reviews, and thought I would leave some comments.
A very good message in your piece. We should never waste our time, or it will be gone before we know it.
A few suggestions: atleast should be two words , at least.
Always use a capital I when speaking of one's self.
Also this line: " Oh man why did I dint do it when I had time," should read, " Oh man why didn't I do it when I had time?"
Hello Fukumen-Jin, how are you? Welcome to WDC. I hope you enjoy your time here. I have just read your item," Discovering Myself," which I found on the random reviews, and thought I would leave some comments.
I think, at some time in our lives, we have all felt this way. I also believe we all wear a mask. We are never the same on the outside as we are on the inside.
Hello tiffanyamanda , how are you? Welcome to WDC. I hope you enjoy your time here. I have just read your item," Letter To A Man I loved," which I found on the random reviews, and thought I would leave some comments.
A lost relationship is never easy to deal with, especially if one returns to an ex- lover.
However, it is good to write what we are feeling, in the form of a letter, even if we never send it.
My only suggestion is the first line: "The tender blissfulness of our slow begin made me curious about you," the word begin, should be beginning.
Hello Exold , how are you? Welcome to WDC. I hope you enjoy your time here. I have just read your poem, " Prayer Of A Fallen Empire," which I found on the random reviews, and thought I would leave some comments.
Considering this is your very first poem, you have made a very good job of it.
I understood the meaning of defeat and hope very well and you have a good rhyme.
I think my favourite lines are these: "But from the dark,
A new hope rises,
A bright new beacon of light,"
Hello Arianna Crescent, how are you? I have just read your poem, " Again," which I found on the random reviews, and thought I would leave some comments.
This is a very clever way of describing the victim and the abuser.
It is very sad, but often this is the case. The abuser is taken back again and again through pity.
These lines particular are very true:"She sees only the sad puppy dog
Not behind its eyes"
Hello Alexandra Mikel, how are you? I have just read your item, " In Defiance Of Reality," which I found on the random reviews, and thought I would leave some comments.
Interesting, however, it is the negative thoughts and envious thoughts which prevent us from moving on and getting to where we really want to be. The key, I believe, is to be grateful for everything. No envy, no wondering why you cannot, because you can.
You have a talent, you can write.
Hello becem, how are you? Welcome to WDC. I hope you enjoy your time here. I have just read your item," The Girl," which I found on the random reviews, and thought I would leave some comments.
Considering you first say you are not asking for the moon from a girl, you then list a whole lot of things you do want!
You have not used any capital letters at the beginning of new sentences, so it is a bit like reading one long sentence.
Hello TheOne, how are you? I have just read your article, " I Am A Out Cast," which I found on the random reviews, and thought I would leave some comments.
I must admit I have never heard of any one, who is of the catholic religion, being bullied. However, I am not a religious person. I just believe that everyone has a right to believe in, or not to believe in, whatever they want.
I find it sad that religion causes so much pain to people.
Suggestions. Your title and first line ,"I am a out cast," should be, "I am an outcast."
Also this line: "all everyone can do is thing of how evil we are," thing should be think.
Keep believing , no one has the right to tell you otherwise.
Hello Tecknos Z. Aslayrz , welcome to WDC. I hope you enjoy your time here. I have just read your item, "My Story," which I found on the random reviews, and thought I would leave some comments.
I am afraid I no very little of all this 3D chat rooms and such so I am little lost with the beginning of your story.
However, I wish you well with your writing and hope to read your work in the future.
Hello softblood, how are you? Welcome to WDC. I hope you enjoy your time here. I have just read your poem, " The Melt," which I found on the Newbie listings, and thought I would leave some comments.
I love the beginning of spring, as your poem says, warm air is easier to breath and it certainly soothes the heart.
Hello Jack Club, how are you? Welcome to WDC. I hope you enjoy your time here. I have just read your poem, " The Base Race," which I found on the random reviews, and thought I would leave some comments.
I am afraid I do not know much about baseball, however your poem makes it sound lots of fun.
What does this part mean?
Getting my lead so that,
Hello inkwel, how are you? Welcome to WDC. I hope you enjoy your time here. I have just read your poem, " The Dream Catcher," which I found on the random reviews, and thought I would leave some comments.
I love dream catchers, I have several around my home.
My favourite line are these two: "Captive beads and seashells decorate its crafted face,
feathers guide promise to the sleeping."
Suggestion: the last line:"The Art the dulls erratic behaviour." should it be "The Art that dulls erratic behaviour?"
Hello samantha, how are you? Welcome to WDC. I hope you enjoy your time here. I have just read your poem,"Ocean Fun," which I found on the random reviews, and thought I would leave some comments.
Funny poem, a typical child, does not like anything, then when it is time to go she does not like that either!
Hello Miki Xeno, how are you? I have just read your poem, " Deep Dark Hole," which I found on the random reviews, and thought I would leave some comments.
Your experience certainly shows in your poem. It is good you write about it. I also hope you are fully recovered.
Hello Raneyuu, how are you? I have just read your poem, " Stages Of Love," which I found on the randon reviews and thought I would leave some comments.
I think everyone at some time in their lives has suffered this kind of heart ache. Wanting revenge does not help, although we may feel that way to begin with.
I am not sure of these lines: "I want both of you to suffer like I did,
I want you to fall of a skid," The word of should be off, to fall off something. Also what is a skid?
Hello writerondemand , how are you? Welcome to WDC. I hope you enjoy your time here. I have just read your poem, " Can I," which I found on the random reviews, and thought I would leave some comments.
A lovely piece of inspiration here. Of course we can do anything we put our minds to really. It is believing it that is the problem for most.
This line says it all: "You can reach your dreams if you get rid of any apprehension."
Hello imagine , how are you? Welcome to WDC. I hope you enjoy your time here. I have just read your little story, " Where Is My Teddy Bear," which I found on the random reviews, and thought I would leave some comments.
Funny little story. I think I would have been screaming if my wardrobe door had opened and I saw eyes!
Suggestion: This line, " But, I got stronger and I Sayed who is there?" The word sayed should be replaced with said.
Thank you for sharing.
Sanita
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