Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/sanita200/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/sort_by_last/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/6
Hello mina, how are you? I have just read your poem, "Sweet Magpie," which I found on the random reviews, and thought I would leave some comments.
I must say, your poetry just gets better and better. This is a beautiful poem about the song of the magpie. I do not think I shall feel quite the same about a magpie, as I will, after reading this.
Hello K.H.Engl, how are you? I cannot remember if I have reviewed you before, but if not, a belated welcome to WDC. I hope you re enjoying your time here. I have just read your poem, "Inspired TS Eliot's The Wasteland," which I found on the random reviews, and thought I would leave some comments.
A nice poem about the changes of each month. I agree February's chills send shivers up my spine.
Suggestion: The first line, "*April is the crullest month, breeding," should be, *April is the cruelest month, breeding."
Hello C. Clyde , how are you? I hope you are enjoying your time here on WDC. I have just read your letter, "Dear Skinny Figure," which I found on the random reviews, and thought I would leave some comments.
While I agree women should not be so worried about how they look, I am not too sure about the shouting and ,"Sticking their fingers up." I think a lady should act like a lady.
However, I see your point, we should never be worried about our looks, everyone is beautiful in their own way.
Hello JennyHeart , how are you? I hope you are enjoying your time here. I have just read your poem, " Church Bells Ringing Ding Ding," which I found on the random reviews, and thought I would leave some comments.
First of all, congratulations on your forth coming wedding. I hope you have many happy years together.
A nice poem in anticipation of the big day.
Suggestions: The poem's first four lines had some good rhyming going on, then it lost the rhyme. It took away the smoothness of the read. I would have liked to see the whole poem in rhyme.
Hello, Ann J. Reeder , how are you? I am not sure if I have reviewed you before, but if not, welcome to WDC. I hope you enjoy your time here. I have just read your item, " Our World," which I found on the random reviews, and thought I would leave some comments.
Food for thought indeed. The world is a bit of a mess and only we can repair it.
Suggestions: The first line, "We live in a world where you are nervous to ask questions in class because other students will call you stupid for not knowing the answer." This should be,"We live in a world where we are nervous to ask questions in class, because other students will call us stupid for not knowing the answer." The ,"we" refers to all of us, where as "you" is just one person.
Hello aneverson , how are you? A belated welcome to WDC. I hope you are enjoying your time here. I have just read your poem, " This Day," which I found on the random reviews, and thought I would leave some comments.
A poem describing how a day can start off bad then turn in to a wonderful day after a walk in the park with a beloved pet. I think pets do change our mood.
Rhyming is very good, however, the syllable count is off. For example these lines:
" Then home Pip and I did go,
a warm feeling, seeping through my soul, it did flow."
I found the second line too long and it makes the read a little bumpy.
I would like to see the poem in verses rather than all together and the syllable count even.
Hello LibraryPat, how are you? Welcome to WDC. I hope you enjoy your time here. I have just read your poem, "He Brings Me NO Flowers," which I found on the random reviews, and thought I would leave some comments.
Nice poem, however, I would say he is pretty romantic. Brings you tea in the mornings, cooks for you in the evenings? Wish someone would do that for me!
Hello Miki Xeno, how are you? Welcome to WDC. I hope you enjoy your time here. I have just read your item," Worker Bees," which I found on the random reviews, and thought I would leave some comments.
This is very true and quite an interesting subject. We just seem to muddle through life doing whatever we can without any real purpose or thought of why.
Hello Peter D., how are you? Welcome to WDC. I have just read your item, " Why," which I found on the random reviews, and thought I would leave some comments.
In answer to your question, "Should I turn this in to a story?" the answer is yes you should.
I think life and what it is for is always an interesting subject. There are so many different opinions and beliefs.
Hello Oscar2Explorr, how are you? Welcome to WDC. I hope you enjoy your time here. I have just read your poem, " All's Not WEll," which I found on the random reviews, and thought I would leave some comments.
A bit of a love, hate thing going on here it seems.
The first line, I cannot understand,"Why is my IT life worrying focuses only on a single girl??" I am not sure what you were trying to say but the sentence does not make any sense to me.
Hello Geralyn , how are you? WElcome to WDC. I hope you enjoy your time here. I have just read your poem, "Strip Trees," which I found on the random reviews, and thought I would leave some comments.
I must say the title made me giggle a little because of the nature of the poem.
Lovely imagery of the trees in autumn.
I especially enjoyed the last verse:
"Finally, Winter takes pity on them;
cloaks them in ermine snow,
and drapes them with ice diamonds."
Hello FiFi , how are you? I have just read your item," Daydreams," which I found on the random reviews, and thought I would leave some comments.
I enjoyed this little read and I could not agree more, there is nothing like daydreaming. I do it as often as possible and it is certainly not just for children. I cannot imagine what life would be like without imagination.
Hello justyce, how are you? Welcome to WDC. I hope you enjoy your time here. I have just read your item," Believing In And Having Faith In God," which I found on the random reviews, and thought I would leave some comments.
I am not a religious person, however, I do have beliefs and faith in certain things. I believe we have choices and make our own way in life.
It is good to have faith in something, I think it helps a lot of people get by in times of trouble and despair.
Suggestions: There is no such word as "susses," I wonder if you mean success? Also remember to always use a capital I when referring to oneself. For example this line: " without God i wouldn't be here to make my purpose of these."
Hello Raneyuu, how are you? Welcome to WDC. I hope you enjoy your time here. I have just read your poem, "Wanting To Fit In," which I found on the random reviews, and thought I would leave some comments.
Some people do try to hard to fit in, yet I feel there is no need. Society, I think, is far more accepting of whoever we are than it used to be.
So I cannot say I agree with all you have written, however, I do see what you are saying.
Suggestion: This line: "They’ll blame you for making them look fat, those strangers you didn’t even knew." The word knew, should be know.
Hello Mage, how are you? Welcome to WDC. I hope you enjoy your time here. I have just read, your story "Bubbles," which I found on the random reviews, and thought I would leave some comments.
I must say I thoroughly enjoyed reading this and it certainly does say a lot about you. I would like to see some of the things you write about come to life in stories. You have a wonderful imagination.
I giggled when I read this line:" Half an hour later, I am ready for work and after waving goodbye to the mermaid’s baby at the pool, I take the elevator to the parking garage."
Hello Mary Ann McPhedran, how are you? I have just read your poem," At The Break Of Dawn," which I found on the random reviews, and thought I would leave some comments.
I think morning is always the best time to write. Whether it is the sunshine or dreams we have had, there is always something to write about.
Nice poem, however, I did find it a little bumpy to read. There are words that are not needed.
For example, theses three lines:
"In the morning when I awake
My writing I'm ready to create
The thoughts are running through my head ."
Could be broken down to:
"In the morning when I wake
and I'm ready to create.
Thoughts running through my head ,"
I think in poetry if we use whole sentences such as,"The thoughts are running through my head ." it does not make it as nice to read.
Hello Barbrella Claus, how are you? I have just read your poem, " Ruby Anniversary," which I found on the random reviews, and thought I would leave some comments.
A lovely little tribute to your aunt and uncle. Forty years is quite an achievement.
The only suggestion is this line,"You’ll still look tough and twenty," I think the word, "you'll," should be replaced with, "you," as it is in the present.
Hello thedawaring , how are you? Welcome to EDC. I hope you enjoy your time here. I have just read your item," Arrival Of Spring," which I found on the random reviews, and thought I would leave some comments.
What a lovely, refreshing read this is. Very enjoyable. I love spring and you have described it as something quite magical.
Hello Saim, how are you? Welcome to WDC. I hope you enjoy your time here. I have just read your poem, " A Boy's Drastic Maths Test," which I found on the random reviews, and thought I would leave some comments.
Poor child using the wrong book! I wonder how many children have really been in this situation.
I enjoyed the poem, however, I do think the read is a little bumpy. Perhaps you could tighten up the syllable count and make the lines just a little shorter.
You have a good rhyme sequence and I feel if the syllable count was even it would do the poem much more justice.
Hello Matthew , how are you? I have just read your poem, "He Was Only Two," which I found on the random reviews, and thought I would leave some comments.
What a beautiful poem. Tragic, as you say, but also beautiful.
A story of a young mans life, taken by wars and leaving behind a wife and child.
Hello Luxmoore , how are you? Welcome to WDC. I hope you enjoy your time here. I have just read your poem, "Today<" which I found on the random reviews, and thought I would leave some comments.
I am not quite sure if I have the right meaning to this, I am guessing the poet has discovered family he did not know existed before.
Everyone seems sombre and almost afraid and I wonder if they should be happy at such an occasion.
Hello Juana Garcia, how are you? Welcome to WDC. I hope you enjoy your time here. I have just read your poem," The Facts Of Life," which I found on the random reviews, and thought I would leave some comments.
I like this poem, I love the message it give. Short, yet says a lot. Life is what what we make it indeed.
I especially like the last two lines;
"Life is each breath you take.
Life is each moment you create. "
Hi Tablet , how are you? I have just read your story, "Her Favorite Flower," which I found on the random reviews, and thought I would leave some comments.
I rather liked this little piece. Poor Ethan, the moral, never step on a girls flower!
I like the fact that Ethan had an imaginary friend, it shows the two sides of him really.
The only part I query is this part: " He stopped to see what he smashed and saw a squished up pink flower. A girl was sitting next to it disappointed. " I understood the meaning and yet I feel the word ,"disappointed," need not have been used. "A girl was sitting next to it " would have been enough.
However, I enjoyed the read.
Thank you.
Sanita
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/sanita200/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/sort_by_last/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/6
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.78 seconds at 9:51pm on Apr 17, 2024 via server web2.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
