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Hello Predicate, how are you? Welcome to WDC, I hope you enjoy your time here. I have just read your story, "Robintails Destiny, " which I found on the random reviews, and thought i would leave some comments.
I am not sure what kittypets are, is it from some sort of game?
The chapter is quite short and I could not really make out what it is all about.
However, I am sure with a little editing it will make it a lot easier to read.
Remember to start a new line each time someone or some animal speaks.
Also there is no such word as arnt, this should be aren't .
Hope this helps and I would be willing to read again once it is edited.
Hello Jules, how are you? I hope you are enjoying your time here at WDC, I have just read your poem, " Never? Maybe," which I found on the random reviews, and thought i would leave some comments.
Unrequited love, a subject on the tip of every poet's pen.
An emotional poem.
I have one suggestion, the last two lines:
"But you will never return the feelings.
Never. But maybe."
I would leave out the last never and the first but, Example:
"You will never return the feelings,
but maybe."
Hello skylarfleming, how are you? Welcome to WDC, I hope you enjoy your time here. I have just read your story, " Lucy In The Sky," which I found On the Newbie listings, and thought i would leave some comments.
This could be quite a gripping story, I do not know why, but there is always something exiting about stories on stalkers.
However, it does need quite a lot of editing.
For example the first line," In a small town of Oregon, there were only about three hundred people." This does not really draw the readers attention. perhaps something like, " In the small town of Oregon, which populated little over three hundred people, .....
This line: " Later that night Lucy's phone started to ring," The phone either rang or it did not, .
Also remember to start a separate line each time someone speaks.
Hello Youtubeluvzu, how are you? Welcome to WDC, I hope you enjoy your time here. I have just read your poems, "The Other Day," which I found on the random reviews, and thought I would leave some comments.
These are very sad tales told in poetic form. I do not know how people can treat their pets in such a way.
This verse," A puppy with a neck so thin,
And legs to small
To carry him."
Hello Barbrella, how are you? I have just read your story, " Marital Status," which I found on the random reviews, and thought I would leave some comments.
Never trust a sailor! That must be awful, to be engaged to someone for so long only to discover he is already married. I think I would have done more than slapped him.
This part: " I couldn’t resist to take those “Tests on Love”, “Is he into you”, “Seven Signs to say he’s the One for You” which popped up at the side of the screen. You could bet that, “I was crazy.” suggests you had doubts about him perhaps.
Hello Silverangel, how are you? Welcome to WDC. I hope you enjoy your time here. I have just read your chapter, " Because You're Mine," which I found on the random reviews, and thought I would leave some comments.
Having not read the first chapter, I am not sure what this is about other than Cole had killed someone for Haven and was not sure how he felt about her.
There are quite a few mistakes, for example the first line,"After laying her on her bed. He sat down next to her. His arms feeling empty without her in them. He didn't know when his feelings changed."
There are too many full stops (periods). "After laying her on her bed," is not a sentence, it should read, "After laying her on her bed he sat down next to her, his arms feeling empty without her in them. He didn't know when his feelings changed.
Also some spelling mistakes: Call, should have been Cole in this line: "The only thing that comforter was knowing that call would be back soon." And also comforter should be comforted.
Quite a lot of editing to do, however,an interesting read.
Hello Izzy-nickysgirl, how are you? I have just read your story, "The Lost Get Found," which I found on the random reviews, and thought I would leave some comments.
A moving story of a little girl with autism and her very protective brother. It is sad when people, like Jordan in your story, make fun of this sort of thing, but I believe it because they do not understand..
Suggestion; In this part :"Later that day, Izzy was sleeping in Niklas’s lap on the couch. Her fever was broken, but she was tired so they decided to let her sleep. Niklas brushed the sweaty hair back from her face and sighed. This little girl still meant more to him than anything else in the world. He was rather protective of her, not only because she was his little sister, but because she had autism. He never realized how much autism could affect a family…..he knew now, that was for sure. Izzy sighed and woke up, looking around with rather burly eyes. "
It is clear Izzy is sleeping in her brother's lap. Then in the next line you say her brother scooped her up and put her in his lap when she woke.
Hello Cyndi Sue, how are you? Welcome to WDC. I hope you enjoy your time here. I have just read your story, " The Girl In The Pink Suede Shoes," which I found on the random reviews, and thought I would leave some comments.
I know this is just a short introduction and there is a lot more to come, however, I enjoyed reading it so far.
Weighing only 4lb 1oz at birth is tiny indeed, but, it is often said, good things come in small packages. It seems like a bit of a childhood struggle keeping up with the other children and of course medication.
I am now left wondering what it is that happened when you were fourteen and look forward to the next part.
Hello Bee, how are you? I hope you are enjoying your time here at WDC. I have just read your poem, "New Journal," which I found on the random reviews, and thought I would leave some comments.
Well your gift of a journal certainly did inspire you to write.
I love this little poem, I am not fond of non-rhyming poetry usually, but this one I found very inspiring.
I think what I liked most about it is that, not only did you write it in the journal, but you were writing it to the journal.
Hello Daydreamer, how are you? Welcome to WDC. I hope you enjoy your time here. I have just read your story, " They Don't Own Me," which I found on the random reviews, and thought I would leave some comments.
To be honest, I am not familiar with the hunger games, so I do not really understand the piece. However, it sounds an interesting story.
I have some suggestions; This line." I caught myself from time to time wondering what would had happened if Prim's name wouldn't had got out of the reaping ball," does not make sense. I think you mean, " I caught myself from time to time wondering what would have happened if Prim's name had not got out of the reaping ball."
Also when a character speaks, there should be speech marks.
There are a few spelling mistakes such as, " persuation " this should be ," persuasion."
Hope this helps and I would be happy to read it again after editing.
Hello Shawn, how are you? I have just read your poem, "Old Man Winter Fades," which I found on the random reviews, and thought I would leave some comments.
I love this time of year, winter begins to disappear and writers write poems of spring.
I love your poem, a little fight between Winter and Spring but Spring is winning.
Hello Shawn, how are you? Welcome to WDC. I hope you enjoy your time here. I have just rea your poem, "In The Blink Of An Eye," which I found on the random reviews, and thought I would leave some comments.
This is a tragic story in poetic form. It is true, we never see danger till it is too late. That cannot be helped though.
Hello JasmineK, how are you? I have just read your story, "Love," which I found on the random reviews, and thought I would leave some comments.
A love story based on a lie, although, I cannot see why someone would lie about their age considering it was only one year difference.
However, I agree people should not lie.
There are a few issues, for example this part,"I was in love. Badly." should be one sentence, " I was in love, badly."
Also this sentence does not make sense," Perfect like how every girl wanted to." perhaps you meant something like, "It was perfect, just like every girl would want it to be."
Hello Shahenaz, how are you? Welcome to WDC. I hope you enjoy your time here, I have just read your story, "The Party," which I found on the random reviews and thought I would leave some comments.
A lady cheated in love, or indeed a man is never good and your lady in the story took it to the extreme by poisoning her husband making certain no one else would have him.
I have some suggestions: This line:
"try to concentrate sara , you have to surprise everyone " spoke to myself . Should read , "Try to concentrate Sara , you have to surprise everyone " I told myself, or I thought to myself.
You also have a lot of capital letters missing at the beginning of sentences and the first letter of names: sara should be Sara and salah should be Salah.
Also in the first part you say you bought a black dress for the party, however, when it was time for the party you dressed in a white dress.
A good little story but it does need a lot of editing.
Hello Leto, how are you? I hope you are enjoying your time here at WDC. I have just read your poem, "X Marks The Spot," which I found on the random reviews and thought I would leave some comments.
It is sad when we love someone but have to treat them as a friend and a very hard thing to do.
I am not quite sure about the title, I cannot see why you have called it ," X marks The Spot."
A nice emotional poem, however it does need a little editing. There are too many full stops or periods, depending where you come from. For example this line: "Incredibly. Long. " should read, "incredibly long."
You also have words that are in the wrong place, this may have happened when you copied and pasted perhaps.
Hello timasshorty, how are you? I hope you are enjoying your time here at WDC. I have just read your story, " Pain," which I found on the random reviews, and thought I would leave some comments.
First of all, I do not know if this is real or not, you have it under personal, so it is possible it is.
Second: no one should have to endure this kind, or indeed any kind, of abuse, especially when the abuser is someone who is supposed to protect the person. Worse still that the other parent looks on and does nothing to stop it.
People do care and there is help for this kind of thing.
However, if it is not real, then you have captured well the feelings of someone who is abused. They feel no one cares and ,"give up."
Hello rebecca2loud, how are you? Welcome to WDC. I hope you enjoy your time here. I have just read your little story, "IDK yet," which I found on the random reviews, and thought I would leave some comments.
Sounds like a horrific nightmare one of which we could all do without having, especially concerning family.
Suggestion: In this line: "We were now being tied up to a poll and then they put a gun to my ," as you had not been caught, it should be, 'They were now being tied to a poll," and also the word poll should be pole.
Hello Feeling, how are you? A belated welcome to WDC. I hope you are enjoying your time here. I just came across your lyrics, " Hindi Collection," and thought I would leave some comments.
I was disappointed that I could not read this and I wonder if you would put the English version with it. I am sure it is lovely, but I will never know if I cannot read it.
Hello Sav, how are you? Welcome to WDC. I hope you enjoy your time here. I have just read your poem, "The Cold," which I found on the random reviews, and thought I would leave some comments.
I thought this a lovely poem. One of which I can relate to.
I am not really fond of non-rhyming poems, however, this one shows so much emotion.
I think it is well written and the last few lines very touching.
Hello beetle, how are you? I have just read your story, " A Friendsgiving Miracle," which I found on the random reviews, and thought I would leave some comments.
I enjoyed this little story. I must say, I have never heard of a friendsgiving party before, but Rob made it sound fun.
A great little read with good imagery and a touch of humour.
Hello Spanky De, how are you? I am not sure if I have reviewed you before, but if not, welcome to WDC. I hope you are enjoyinh your time here. I have just read your poem, " Between You And...," which I found on the random reviews and thought I would leave some comments.
This is a nice little love poem. I liked the way it ended.
"So when you're caught in between
And it seems you've lost your charms
I know a place where you can go
Right here, between my arms."
Unexpected and sweet.
Good rhythm and rhyme.
Altogether an enjoyable little poem.
Best wishes.
Sanita
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