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Hello HannahChatelier, how are you? Welcome to WDC. I hope you enjoy your time here, I have just read your poem, "Just One Wish," which I found on the random reviews, and thought I would leave some comments.
This started off very well and I was curious to see what the outcome was. One boy who seems to have everything yet still complained and then a poor boy who had nothing and had to work to survive.
However, I did find it dragged on a little and I became less interested with each verse. I think perhaps most of what is written could be said in a shorter poem.
I did see the meaning to your poem and of course the message is to be grateful for what we have, we never know when it may change.
Hello bright WRiter, how are you? Welcome to WDC. I hope you enjoy your time here. I have just read your item," Lifesavers From Heaven," which I found on the random reviews, and thought I would leave some comments.
What a beautifully written and sincere letter. What a comfort it is to know that there are people like GIna and Judy in the world. Especially at such a time as this.
Hello Silenced, how are you? Welcome to WDC. I hope you enjoy your time here. I have just read your story, " Hear Me Cry,"which I found on the random reviews, and thought I would leave some comments.
Addiction to anything is always difficult and I think we are afraid of change. So when offered help we tend to turn away from it for fear of how we shall be when cured. A lot of it has to do with our way of thinking too.
Hello timaashorty, how are you? Welcome to WDC. I hope you enjoy your time here. I have just read your story, " Come Dance With Me," which I found on the random reviews, and thought I would leave some comments.
I am not sure if this was a dream or not, it is almost supernatural.
Some good imagery.
The only thing is, how can a malicious grin be heartwarming? A malicious grin is evil.
Hello Sundog, how are you? I hope you are enjoying your time here at WDC. I have just read your story," Playing With Fire," which I found on the random reviews, and thought I I would leave some comments.
I know this is only the beginning of your story, however I find you seem to jump from one thing to another without explaining the outcome.
For example the first part you begin by saying how your mother always told you not to play with fire and that it makes you wet the bed, then go on to something else. So the reader is a little lost as to why playing with fire is significant, as it is also your title.
Also this line: "She was three years older then me ," should be "She was three years older than me ."
Good luck with writing the rest of the story and I would be happy to read again once you have finished.
Hello Barbrella, how are you? I just read your story, " Love In It's Beastly Forms," which I found on the random reviews, and thought I would leave some comments.
A story with a message to any woman, or indeed man, who finds themselves in an abusive relationship.
Something everyone should take heed of.
I enjoyed the read, however, I wonder if you could perhaps add some dialogue to make it even more interesting. A story rather than an account of something.
Hello Pseudonymous BN, how are you? Welcome to WDC, I hope you enjoy your time here. I have just read your chapter, " The Displacement, " which I found on the random reviews, and thought I would leave some comments.
I have read a few of your chapters of this story and I must say I am really enjoying it. I find it quite gripping and with a touch of humour. I have read the chapter where Nes meets Skye and looking forward to reading more of that in anticipation of perhaps a little love thrown in.
I think this should be published, it is a very enjoyable read.
Hello Alexander, how are you? Welcome to WDC. I hope you enjoy your time here. I have just read your prose, "Untitled," which I found on the random reviews, and thought I would leave some comments.
I do find it a little short to make out the meaning, so I am guessing the two friends will part for a long time.
This line: "Holding the perspiring bottle of beer in his hand, loosely." The bottle of beer would not perspire, rather his hands would.
Hello Emily, how are you? Welcome to WDC. I hope you enjoy your time here, I have just read your poem, " Apparition," which I found on the Newbie listings, and thought I would leave some comments.
I like the paranormal, in any form, whether story or poetry.
Your apparition sounds like a wicked one whose fate has yet to be decided.
I am not sure about this line: "Your wickednessâ accounts." a small typo perhaps.
Hello rawan, how are you? Welcome to WDC. I hope you enjoy your time here. I have just read your poem, "Do Not Tell Anyone That I Love You,"which I found on the random reviews, and thought I would leave some comments.
Very short poem, but it says a lot. A love for one who you think has forgotten.
The second line: "do you forget the two lovely hearst," did you mean hearts? Also the last line: honstly should be honestly.
Hello ApolloTemple, how are you? I hope you are enjoying your time here on WDC. I have just read your poem, "The Play," and thought I would leave some comments.
I am not too sure of this one, I could not really see the humour, but then everyone is different.
However, nice rhythm and rhyme.
In the third verse, "Whoa is me,' this should be , "woe is me."
Also this line:
"E-Or would be proud and free." if you meant E-or as in the donkey then it is Eeyore.
Hello Shreyans, how are you? I have just read your little story, "Reward," which I found on the random reviews, and thought I would leave some comments.
I love your little stories of wisdom. It is true, helping someone else is already a reward.
Remember to always use a capital I when speaking of ones self.
Hello Dawsongirl, how are you? I have just read your tribute, "Flight 93: 40 Stars And A Shoe," which I found on the random reviews, and thought I would leave some comments.
I thought this a beautiful tribute. Very sad and I think something that will stay with people forever. Brought a tear to my eye to think of that child's shoe.
Hello Irina, how are you? Welcome to WDC. I hope you enjoy your time here. I have just read your poem, "Roaming The Streets Of London, " which I found on the random reviews, and thought I would leave some comments.
A poem about searching for inspiration. You know, there is inspiration everywhere, you only have to look out of your window, in the park or even around the home.
However, your poem shows you have found it, if only to write about looking for it.
Hello Theresa, how are you? Welcome to WDC. I hope you enjoy your time here,. I have just read your short story, " The Blossoming Lotus," which I found on the random reviews, and thought I would leave some comments.
What a lovely story this is, very sad but lovely. A glimmer of hope from the sun shinning through the clouds.
I enjoyed the read, it is well written and I have no suggestions for improvement.
Hello Dragon Mistress, how are you? Welcome to WDC. I hope you enjoy your time here. I have just read your children's poem, 'Wedding Dress," which I found on the random reviews, and thought I would leave some comments.
Nice little poem, I think all girls dream of that special dress.
I am not sure I would have called this children's poetry however. "Getting close to the big day," does not sound as though the girl is a child.
Hello Daultrabilal, how are you? Welcome to WDC. I hope you enjoy your time here. I have just read your piece," Inhuman," which I found on the random reviews, and thought I would leave some comments.
You say in your description, it is one of the most interesting pieces of writing we shall ever read. However, I am not quite sure what is about, other than an elephant crushing a vehicle. it may help if you make the typing a smaller size, as it is so big some of it does not fit on the page. With words missing it is hard to read properly.
Hello rumchels, how are you? Welcome to WDC. I hope you enjoy your time here. I have just read your story," Our Country Home," which I found on the random reviews, and thought I would leave some comments.
How sad that the house you grew up in is no longer there. I always wanted to live in the country it sounds so much more appealing than town life.
I enjoyed reading about your house, but I wonder if you could elaborate a little. Tell us more about the home and a name for who told you it had gone, rather than someone.
Hello sledtec, how are you? Welcome to WDC. I hope you enjoy your time here. I have just read your story,"City Angel," which O found on the random rebviews, and thought I would leave some comments.
What a lovely story this is, full of hope and inspiration.
I would have liked to read a little more detail, for example, why she ran from Aaron and also what the Asian woman thought she had been.
Hello Antimony, how are you? Welcome to WDC. I hope you enjoy your time here. I have just read your poem, "She Is," which I found on the random reviews, and thought I would leave some comments.
I did not quite understand this as you speak of a girl who left someone heart broken yet the second verse leads us to believe it is the boy who went after another.
Hello Poetpea, how are you? Welcome to WDC. I hope you enjoy your time here. I have just read your article," Love, Relationships And Family," which I found on the random reviews, and thought I would leave some comments.
First of all, I must say I strongly disagree with most of your article. Long gone are the days women stayed at home in their apron and that is a good thing.
Among other things you say children grow up as drug addicts because they are not disciplined or through physical abuse. You then go to to say," The belt will instill fear in your children and the end result will be a child you can be proud of." Is the belt not counted as physical abuse? Is instilling fear in to children not mental abuse?
I do find it a little contradictive.
However, the review is for your writing and I have some suggestions.
The article would be easier to read if split into paragraphs. Also I think there was a problem where you copied and pasted you seem to have words like this,doesnât, dotted about.
Hello KT, how are you? Welcome to WDC. I hope you enjoy your time here. I have just read your item,"Poem," which I found on the Newbie listings, and thought I would leave some comments.
Well, not really a poem is it? Just a whole lot of the words,"Coming Soon," a few smiley faces and some trains.
I am sure you can do much better. Come on write that poem and post it for us to read.
Hello akshay, how are you? WElcome to WDC. I hope you enjoy your time here. I have just read your poem," The Feel Of You," which I found on the random reviews, and thought I would leave some comments.
Nice poem of someone you perhaps are in love with a little.
A lot of emotion in your verses.
Suggestions: The first line," The hair coming to your face," does not sound right. I think something like, "The hair falling about your face," may read better.
Also the use of "U" instead of "you" does not look good.
Hope this helps.
Sanita
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