*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/sarahrae/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/2
Review Requests: ON
72 Public Reviews Given
474 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
Previous ... 1 -2- ... Next
26
26
Review of Monster Island  
Review by Sarah Rae
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
A rather silly story. Of course there's a Monster Island. Wonder why nobody else thought it up before. Where else would all those silly monsters go? LoL. But, on a more serious note, a few comments and suggestions about your story:

*Bullet*I know I get told this alot, and I'm going to tell you: "Show, don't tell". This story would be so enjoyable if you have more dialogue and actual scenes, instead of just a general description. I thought the long narration took a lot away from this story, which has a lot of potential.
*Bullet*Keep your tense regular. Sometimes you speak in past tense, other times in present tense, and sometimes you intermix the two! Pick one and stick to it like glue!
*Bullet*I just have to complain, again, about how much potential you have with this story. A monster vacation island! How fun that could be! Yet you seemed to rush through it! Go into DETAILS. What does the island look like? Why does the main character return to the vacation spot all the time, what's so great about it? Is it foresty, tropical, what? Details, my dear, go crazy with the details and the dialogue! Oh, I missed the dialogue... This story could be smashing if only it had dialogue and details!
*Bullet*The fight scene: once again, details, dialogue. Have the vampires and werewolves arguing, shouting insults, throwing punches. What does your main character do during the fight? Jump right in? Hesitate then fight? Or Try to break it up?
*Bullet*And one last time, I'd like to stress that this idea has so much potential, if only you would expand it! Write on!
27
27
Review of Closed In  
Review by Sarah Rae
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
There's alot in this poem, alot to be portrayed... rather ironic since this poem is about feeling nothing, showing nothing. Now, keep in mind as you read this review, that I am not an expert on poetry. I'm just going to tell you my thoughts as a reader. You can take it to heart or ignore it completely. I will not be offended, lol.

*Bullet*In your first stanza, you almost established an ABCB rhyme scheme, that completely disappeared. I understand that you probably didn't mean to establish any kind of rhyme scheme, but to the reader, seeing a rhyme in the first stanza almost makes them expect a rhyme in the second, and third, and fourth... etc.
*Bullet*You keep a steady beat, until you hit the fourth stanza, where you have three short lines. Then you get back into the beat, until the last stanza with six lines! To me, that stuck out like a sore thumb, and definitely influenced my opinion on this poem to a lower rating.
*Bullet*I thouroughtly enjoyed this stanza in its entirety:
Nothing is real
Reality is nothing
Life isn't real
Reality isn't life

         It seems to stick out in my mind, in a good way. I read it, and had to stop just to read it again to absorb it. Wonderful...

Anyways, enough with my comments. Thanks for the read!
27 Reviews · *Magnify*
Page of 2 · 25 per page   < >
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/sarahrae/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/2