Hallo Jacky !
I will be reviewing your work "Anger Management" on behalf of "The House of Targaryen" for "Game of Thrones"
A woman misunderstands her husband's good intentions and does the most drastic thing possible.
Anger management issues indeed. Good Lord!
The poor guy's going to wonder what went wrong when he gets back home, that's for sure.
The plot was an interesting one, despite it being used quite a bit in storytelling. However, I enjoyed the gradaul progression of her fury as she went about 'sleuthing' for clues around the house. Guess those classes aren't doing much if she's so quick to want to split at the thought of what he might or might not have done.
There is no dialogue, but in this case, it's hardly needed to showcase the personalities of both characters. We can cleaerly see that the wife is high-strung and probably high-maintenance, while her husband is the opposite. How the heck ahve they lasted this long if they're so at odds with each other??
Here are a few things I noticed while reading. Please remember that these are only my suggestions/opinions and it's ultimately up to you to choose what works best.
>>Sharon flew around picking up.
I don't know if you were under a word limit restriction, but this sentence almost reads as a fragment; not a complete thought.
>>She was gritting her teeth a little less…
Why the use of the ellipses at the end of this?
>>Grabbing his shoes, she flung open the closet… three inches away… There was some junk on the floor, she reached in for it.
The use of the ellipses and the overall sentence structure made for a somewhat confusing read. How about:
Grabbing his shoes, she flung open the closet. Three inches away, there was some junk on the floor, and she reached for it.
>>He must have walked through mulch?
Either: He must have walked through mulch. OR Did he walk through mulch?
>>Oh! That business trip last week, he took his sneakers, she’d helped him pack.
Another that could use some restructuring:
Oh! That business trip last week. He took his sneakers; the one she helped him pack.
>>Who had he been with!
Missing a question mark
>>This weekend couldn’t come soon enough, the cabin was all ready for Friday night, it was going to be epic!
This could be three sentences or: This weekend couldn't come fast enough. The cabin was all ready for Friday night, and it was going to be epic!
Overall, this was a fun read! Quite a bit of editing to be done, but otherwise, a pleasure to read. Thanks for sharing and keep on writing!