*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
Creative fun in
the palm of your hand.
Printed from http://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/satet
Review Requests: ON
1,959 Public Reviews Given
Public Reviews
Previous ... -1- 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 ... Next
1
1
Review of A Choice  
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)

Hallo ~ Pat ~ !*Smile*
I will be reviewing your work "A Choice on behalf of "The House of Targaryen for "Game of Thrones

*Dragon2*Content:

A woman comes to realize that her mother needs her more than ever. In this case, some sacrifices just have to be made.

*Dragon2*Pluses:

What a touching story. *Frown*

It's a grim reminder that there are families, out there, where parents feel abandoned or left alone when they reach a certain age. This story delves into that kind of a situation, only in this case, the mother is one who - at first -rebuffs the very idea of being taken care of despite her disease.

The daughter's decision to leave is a noble one, and her explanation to her mother at the end of this was quite necessary to break down the walls that's been built up between them over the years.

There's a straightforwardness to this tale; as if there's no need to beat around the bush with frivolities. You go straight into the narrator's story where we get to know about her mother's current condition and the tragic events that led up to it. You describe her mother's gradual decline and how it affects her daily life, yet one can tell that she's still full of pride and would rather her daughter return to where she came from.

The last paragraph was a nice way to end this. There's clearly hope for the future.

*Dragon2*Suggestions:
Here are a few things I noticed while reading. Please remember that these are only my suggestions/opinions and it's ultimately up to you to choose what works best. *Smile*

No glaring errors noted!

*Dragon**Bullet**Dragon**Bullet**Dragon*


Thanks so very much for sharing this lovely piece with us, and keep on writing! *Bigsmile*



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
2
2
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: E | (5.0)

Hallo Survivor48 !*Smile*
I will be reviewing your work "Is Pride Worth the Stress? on behalf of "The House of Targaryen for "Game of Thrones

*Dragon2*Content:

A poem that stresses the importance of personal accountability.

*Dragon2*Pluses:

*Bullet* I think this should be printed out and tacked onto everyone's wall. What a great piece to remind one of how important it is to see beyond petty anger and bitterness.

*Bullet* The first two stanzas deal with anger and the conflicts it creates. No one is immune to that emotion. However, it's how you deal with it, that's the real issue. One feels they've been wronged and wish to retaliate or fix your shattered pride, which leads to the next stanza.

*Bullet* The third deals with seeking humility and worrying less about what things cannot harm you. The fourth digs into the need to swallow one's pride and to move forward as best as possible.

*Bullet* The last two stanzas deal with knowing when to walk away from a situation and accepting defeat in a most honorable way. It's easy to try to exact revenge or to snap back at someone who has wronged you, but also taking the high road to be the better man or woman is considered a victory in itself.

*Dragon2*Suggestions:
Here are a few things I noticed while reading. Please remember that these are only my suggestions/opinions and it's ultimately up to you to choose what works best. *Smile*

No glaring error noted!

*Dragon**Bullet**Dragon**Bullet**Dragon*


Thanks for sharing this inspirational poem! It was a pleasure to read. Keep on writing! *Bigsmile*




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
3
3
Review of My Missing Friend  
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)

Hallo Hereward !*Smile*
I will be reviewing your work "My Missing Friend on behalf of "The House of Targaryen for "Game of Thrones

*Dragon2*Content:

A poem that deals with the loss of a friend and the memories left behind.

*Dragon2*Pluses:

I have to confess that I thought this was about a girl and her 'diary'. Why? There are a few lines that stood out to me in that regard. She cannot be touched yet she seems to disappear when she picks up a book and the words you say/write are understood. I think these were in the last two stanzas or so.

Either way, this was a rather sad/poignant piece as it deals with the poet's loss of a dear friend.

I'm assuming this is written as a free verse (correct me if I'm wrong) because there's no real specific flow to this while reading. The emotions are there, even if they are stated literally. The reader is able to relate to the poet's feelings of loss and despair through it all.

*Dragon2*Suggestions:
Here are a few things I noticed while reading. Please remember that these are only my suggestions/opinions and it's ultimately up to you to choose what works best. *Smile*

>>I think I already mentioned how the poem did get a little confusing toward the latter stanzas, but it would probably take one or two more reads to really comprehend the full meaning of it. Poetry can be that way sometimes, can't it?


*Dragon**Bullet**Dragon**Bullet**Dragon*



Overall, this was a touching poem, and I thank you for sharing it. Keep on writing! *Smile*



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
4
4
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)

Hallo Joy of Florent !*Smile*
I will be reviewing your work "All Who Walk with Long Knives on behalf of "The House of Targaryen for "Game of Thrones

*Dragon2*Content:

A poem that recounts the poet's 'battle' with T.V and all it entails.

*Dragon2*Pluses:

Well darn, Joy!

If this isn't the most epic way of watching television, I don't know what is! *Laugh*

Ah, I envy you poets with your flowery words and incredible imagery, because this poem was loaded with it.

From the very first stanza where a remote control is compared to a sword and how its "long imperceptible blade" is use to "slash into the screen". That is quite a strong image to present to the reader. And it does almost feel that way, doesn't it? Especially when the remote decides not to work and you're there swinging it back and forth or pointing angrily at the screen as if it's all its fault! *Laugh*

The next few stanzas illustrate the near 'chaos' of the programs we're made to watch, and there's a lot of 'sound' made with your choice of words as well. "spasms/jingles/din/moans/cheering" all these help to bring this poem to life.

The last stanza did have me laughing out loud. It's ween you consider turning off the T.V. as a sacrilegious act to go grab a pizza! Nicely done! (though there's no harm in having a pizza and still going back to the chaos on T.V. at the same time, is there?)

*Dragon2*Suggestions:
Here are a few things I noticed while reading. Please remember that these are only my suggestions/opinions and it's ultimately up to you to choose what works best. *Smile*

No glaring errors noted.

*Dragon**Bullet**Dragon**Bullet**Dragon*


Thanks for sharing this excellent piece and keep on writing! *Bigsmile*




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
5
5
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)

Hallo Tileira !*Smile*
I will be reviewing your work "World Weavers' Championship on behalf of "The House of Targaryen for "Game of Thrones

*Dragon2*Content:

A contest geared towards encouraging writers to dig deeper into the world revolving around their characters.

*Dragon2*Pluses:

*Bullet* Love the banner to this forum! I believe something eye-catching intrigues the writer and makes them want to know exactly what the contest is all about. Kudos for a well-chosen representation of what this activity entails.

*Bullet* The synopsis of the activity is well stated - and it's unfortunate that the original forum that inspired this is no longer active. Still, from what we can see, this is designed to encourage writers to think beyond the characters of their story. It encourages them to create new worlds where culture, politics, and geographical attributes are given according to their imagination.

*Bullet* The rules/FAQ are well laid out and I like that you made use of the drop down menus to go into more detail. Makes the forum neater and more presentable.

*Bullet* The prizes are quite generous and there apart from the main prizes, there are also 'conditional prizes' given for various other activities.

*Bullet* Also good to see you list the newsletters your activity was mentioned in! Seems like it's quite a hit with writers.

*Bullet* I see this also made it as a finalist in the 2015 Quills Awards, so congratulations! Well deserved! *Bigsmile*

*Dragon2*Suggestions:
Here are a few things I noticed while reading. Please remember that these are only my suggestions/opinions and it's ultimately up to you to choose what works best. *Smile*

>>Only suggestion I would give is to perhaps provide links to how to create bitem/linking items in case there are any newbies that might want to participate and not know the ropes around here.

*Dragon**Bullet**Dragon**Bullet**Dragon*


Overall, this looks like a fun activity, and I wish you all the best as you run it! Keep on writing! *Bigsmile*


6
6
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: E | (5.0)

Hallo River McKenna !*Smile*
I will be reviewing your work "Support a Fellow Poet Contest on behalf of "The House of Targaryen for "Game of Thrones

*Dragon2*Content:

A contest designed to help promote fellow poets around Writing.com

*Dragon2*Pluses:

*Bullet* What a great way to get the community involved with their fellow members! It's a contest that showcases, or rather, encourages others to nominate another's poem that might have inspired them. I think it's a wonderful way to acknowledge their works and to give them the accolades that sometimes elude them.

*Bullet* The prizes are quite generous and definitely front and center with the big font/bold colors to highlight just what they are going to win. If that doesn't whet anyone's appetite, I don't know what does.

*Bullet* The rules are straightforward enough and encourages one to nominate at least three people - but with a catch! Whatever poems you nominate must be reviewed and rated as well. All styles and genres are welcome, though there is a rating and word limit that's strictly enforced. If there are less than 10 entries, then only the first prize will be given out.

*Dragon2*Suggestions:
Here are a few things I noticed while reading. Please remember that these are only my suggestions/opinions and it's ultimately up to you to choose what works best. *Smile*

>>Though it's not compulsory, a nice image/banner or two, does help to invite people into the forum. Believe it or not, visuals can work wonders for people's interests.

*Dragon**Bullet**Dragon**Bullet**Dragon*


Again, kudos to a wonderful activity to promote fellow writers! I wish you the best of luck, and keep on writing! *Bigsmile*


7
7
Review of A Whole New World  
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: E | (5.0)

Hallo Lyndsay Rae !*Smile*
I will be reviewing your work "A Whole New World on behalf of "The House of Targaryen for "Game of Thrones

*Dragon2*Content:

A contest designed to encourage the writer to create whole new worlds from which new stories/novels can be written.

*Dragon2*Pluses:

Whoa! This is some massive undertaking, isn't it?

However, it's a great way to expand the writer's mind and allow them the opportunity to work on characters and details.

With such masterpieces as Lord of the Rings, Harry Potter, Game of Thrones and so on and so forth, I'm sure one can appreciate the amount of tiem and energy that goes into creating an entire new society/world where there are no limits to ones imagination.

There is a six-month run for this event. Sign ups are already beginning, but does end November 1st. The event itself starts at the beginning of next month, so in other words, the faster you sign up, the better!

You give a good synopsis of what the activity is all about and your rules are well laid out with instructions that should aid participants throughout the process. The prizes are quite generous! And you also give incentives to those who donate over a certain amount.

The project layout is great! As it gives one a game plan and allows them to know what to expect. Though no cheating is allowed by doing a project ahead of time.

*Dragon2*Suggestions:
Here are a few things I noticed while reading. Please remember that these are only my suggestions/opinions and it's ultimately up to you to choose what works best. *Smile*

No glaring errors noted - though I would recommend providing links to how to create books/folder items especially for any newbie wanting to sign up.

*Dragon**Bullet**Dragon**Bullet**Dragon*


I wish you the best of luck as you kick off the new round of this excellent activity! Keep on writing! *Bigsmile*


8
8
Review of The Corridor  
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)

Hallo dblameck (David) !*Smile*
I will be reviewing your work "The Corridor on behalf of "The House of Targaryen for "Game of Thrones

*Dragon2*Content:

In a post-apocalpytic world, a man struggles to survive as best he can with dire consequesnces.

*Dragon2*Pluses:

What stood out to me while reading is just how great your descriptions were. It almost felt like you were watching a movie scene taking place, and you draw the reader into the story with your word choice.

You can see and even smell the corridor, and envision the aftermath of whatever destruction must have taken place. Let's not forget the 'stillness' of the place despite the appearance of the vermin and the mysterious swinging door.

There is no dialogue, but the you're still able to let us know exactly how the character thinks and how desperate he is to survive. Of course the mystery now remains as to who was in that place with him, and why did the final outcome take place?

*Dragon2*Suggestions:
Here are a few things I noticed while reading. Please remember that these are only my suggestions/opinions and it's ultimately up to you to choose what works best. *Smile*

>>As he moved from one ravished building to the next (,) he probed for signs of life

>>As he crept around the corner (,) gingerly he sighed in relief.

>>Somebody had told me (him?) that the ozone layer had been destroyed by the war

>>What was that.
Missing a question mark.

*Dragon**Bullet**Dragon**Bullet**Dragon*


Thanks for the action-packed read! And keep on writing! *Bigsmile*




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
9
9
Review of Anger Management  
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: E | (4.0)

Hallo Jacky !*Smile*
I will be reviewing your work "Anger Management on behalf of "The House of Targaryen for "Game of Thrones

*Dragon2*Content:

A woman misunderstands her husband's good intentions and does the most drastic thing possible.

*Dragon2*Pluses:

Oh dear! *Facepalm*

Anger management issues indeed. Good Lord! *Laugh*

The poor guy's going to wonder what went wrong when he gets back home, that's for sure.

The plot was an interesting one, despite it being used quite a bit in storytelling. However, I enjoyed the gradaul progression of her fury as she went about 'sleuthing' for clues around the house. Guess those classes aren't doing much if she's so quick to want to split at the thought of what he might or might not have done.

There is no dialogue, but in this case, it's hardly needed to showcase the personalities of both characters. We can cleaerly see that the wife is high-strung and probably high-maintenance, while her husband is the opposite. How the heck ahve they lasted this long if they're so at odds with each other?? *Laugh*

*Dragon2*Suggestions:
Here are a few things I noticed while reading. Please remember that these are only my suggestions/opinions and it's ultimately up to you to choose what works best. *Smile*

>>Sharon flew around picking up.
I don't know if you were under a word limit restriction, but this sentence almost reads as a fragment; not a complete thought.

>>She was gritting her teeth a little less…
Why the use of the ellipses at the end of this?

>>Grabbing his shoes, she flung open the closet… three inches away… There was some junk on the floor, she reached in for it.
The use of the ellipses and the overall sentence structure made for a somewhat confusing read. How about:
Grabbing his shoes, she flung open the closet. Three inches away, there was some junk on the floor, and she reached for it.

>>He must have walked through mulch?
Either: He must have walked through mulch. OR Did he walk through mulch?

>>Oh! That business trip last week, he took his sneakers, she’d helped him pack.
Another that could use some restructuring:
Oh! That business trip last week. He took his sneakers; the one she helped him pack.

>>Who had he been with!
Missing a question mark

>>This weekend couldn’t come soon enough, the cabin was all ready for Friday night, it was going to be epic!
This could be three sentences or: This weekend couldn't come fast enough. The cabin was all ready for Friday night, and it was going to be epic!

*Dragon**Bullet**Dragon**Bullet**Dragon*


Overall, this was a fun read! Quite a bit of editing to be done, but otherwise, a pleasure to read. Thanks for sharing and keep on writing! *Smile*




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
10
10
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)

Hallo Harry !*Smile*
I will be reviewing your work "Black African Genocide on behalf of "The House of Targaryen for "Game of Thrones

*Dragon2*Content:

A poem that begs the reader to question why the world remains silent on the terrible genocides taking place in Africa.

*Dragon2*Pluses:

Wow. This is the kind of poem that makes you sit back and think, and I hope to goodness that those who read it do not simply skim and then pass it by. I think you've pointed out a gross disparity with the way the Western world covers the horrors taking place in Africa - in the Sudan to be exact - as compared to say yet another senseless terror attack in London or Paris. Why is the Western world not as concerned? That is a very good question to ask.

You've pointed out the atrocities that take place in that country (and indeed many other countries in Africa), where women are raped and children are killed or kidnapped. Where 1.4 million people no longer have homes and refugees are left to fend for themselves. It's saddening to know that this poem was written in 2004 and still the problem continues over ten years later! There is no accountability anywhere, and no one seems to really care.

*Dragon2*Suggestions:
Here are a few things I noticed while reading. Please remember that these are only my suggestions/opinions and it's ultimately up to you to choose what works best. *Smile*

No glaring errors noted.

*Dragon**Bullet**Dragon**Bullet**Dragon*


Thanks for highlighting such an important message more of us should pay attention to. Keep on writing! *Smile*




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
11
11
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: E | (5.0)

Hallo Dave !*Smile*
I will be reviewing your work "The Great Tabasco Fiasco on behalf of "The House of Targaryen for "Game of Thrones

*Dragon2*Content:

Never has tacos and fried beans ever sounded this grand in a poem that details its 'terrible' after effects!

*Dragon2*Pluses:

Excuse me while I *Rolling**Rolling**Rolling*!!!

This was great! And it's made even more hilarious with the grandiose language used to describe the darstardly deed(s).

The imagery? Whoa! Top notch indeed. How can you top...

With petulant pout, some flatulent lout
blew riveting rhapsody through his rectal flute.
A withering blast sent plumes of noxious fumes
across the room, as patrons scampered to escape.


...how? *Laugh* And then there's the stanza before it, which is such sheer brilliance in my opinion:

Astronomical gastronomical turbulence
erupted with disastrous consequence.


The humor in this cannot be overstated. From the very first line, where we get an idea of the poet's decision to stop somewhere for a bite...just like anyone else would...but he figured he'd try something different which turns out not to sit too well with the 'digestive tracts'.

I like the term "Montezuma's revenge'. Dear Lord. The images that conjures up...slays me. *Laugh*

*Dragon2*Suggestions:
Here are a few things I noticed while reading. Please remember that these are only my suggestions/opinions and it's ultimately up to you to choose what works best. *Smile*

No glaring error noted!

*Dragon**Bullet**Dragon**Bullet**Dragon*


And you even provide helpful links at the end of this! *Laugh* Nice! Thanks for sharing this fun and wonderful poem, and keep on writing!




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
12
12
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: E | (5.0)

Hallo Jace !*Smile*
I will be reviewing your work "Dear Me: State of the Sybaritescribe on behalf of "The House of Targaryen for "Game of Thrones

*Dragon2*Content:

A "Dear Me" letter written to motivate the writer into achieving his goals for the year.

*Dragon2*Pluses:

Long time no see/hear/read, Jace! *Bigsmile*

I see this was written last year, so it makes me wonder if you did manage to achieve the goals you set out. However, before we get into all of that, let me first commend you on being so diligent in penning these letters for the past seven years! I have no will power and never do so because I feel I'll never get anything done (terrible attitude to have, I know), so I'm always impressed by those who do take the time to write this and stick to it.

You state that your goal is to become acknowledged as a successful writer by getting paid for a published work. An admirable goal indeed, though - as I'm sure you know - it is not as easy at it may seem. You allude to having opportunities knocking at your doorstep, so why have you procrastinated so far? Do you have doubts or concerns or fears? Did you even consider the option of self-publishing or did you think it was not a good idea?

I also like the way you state that 'money if of no real importance' (paraphrasing) since you're in the woodworking business. While others see getting paid for their written works as a means of living, you merely see it as just as validation. Your humility shines through, my friend.

Last but not least, I like your decision to become more active in specific sites around Writing.com geared towards pushing you to becoming a better writer and getting your work out there. Your commitment to being more active around the site is also admirable, though we definitely do need to see even more of you!

*Dragon2*Suggestions:
Here are a few things I noticed while reading. Please remember that these are only my suggestions/opinions and it's ultimately up to you to choose what works best. *Smile*

No glaring errors noted while reading.

*Dragon**Bullet**Dragon**Bullet**Dragon*


As I asked earlier, did you achieve any of the goals you set? Or did you have to pen another letter this year with the same story? Either way, I hope you continue to do what you do best, and I wish you all the best of luck. Keep on writing! *Bigsmile*




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
13
13
Review of Memories  
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: E | (4.5)

Hallo Chris Breva - House of Florent !*Smile*
I will be reviewing your work "Memories on behalf of "The House of Targaryen for "Game of Thrones

*Dragon2*Content:

A poem that celebrates the memories of winter and the pleasure of family in a home.

*Dragon2*Pluses:

Dare I say this poem made me want to reach for a cup of hot cocoa, but alas! I only have a bottle of water this fine early morning, so I guess that will have to do. *Laugh*

This was a lovely piece to read. It's imagery conjures up warmth and family especially considering the time of year it's set in. I don't know much about poetry styles or rhyming systems etc, but I will say that it had a great flow - almost sing-song while reading.

With such lines as:

Snow blanketed the ground all about (1st stanza)
Cocoa warmed us through like a stove (2nd stanza)
The house felt like a blessed cove (2nd stanza)


It's clear that this is a memory cherished dearly by the poet. The idea of the home being a place to hide away from troubles brings home the narrative of being in a safe haven.

*Dragon2*Suggestions:
Here are a few things I noticed while reading. Please remember that these are only my suggestions/opinions and it's ultimately up to you to choose what works best. *Smile*

No glaring errors were noted while reading.

*Dragon**Bullet**Dragon**Bullet**Dragon*


Overall, this was a delightful poem to read (could even fit as a 'Christmas' poem actually). Thanks so very much for sharing with us, and keep on writing! *Bigsmile*




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
14
14
Review of THE WAITING ROOM  
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: E | (4.5)

Hallo the scribe !*Smile*
I will be reviewing your work "THE WAITING ROOM on behalf of "The House of Targaryen for "Game of Thrones

*Dragon2*Content:

A woman takes us through the agonizing process of being in a waiting room while waiting for the news that could change her life forever.

*Dragon2*Pluses:

There's an overall tension and anxiety felt while reading this, and it's a testament to how well you were able to capture those feelings with your words. The reader is able to identify with the main character, and we are taken on this roller coaster of emotions where everything yet 'nothing' takes place at the same time.

Anyone who's been in a waiting room (or dare I say any medical setting for any procedure) will be able to relate to the story. The little nuances of noticing every other person in the room, of not being able to get pessimistic thoughts in your mind, or trying to conjure up the stories for other patients/visitors is very much relatable. From what little dialogue we have, it's clear that there's a good relationship between the narrator and her husband. He seems to come across as caring and patient despite the obvious strain this must be causing on him.

My only gripe is that we're left wondering just what happens next! *Laugh* You left it at a wicked 'cliffhanger', but it was a nice technique all the same.

*Dragon2*Suggestions:
Here are a few things I noticed while reading. Please remember that these are only my suggestions/opinions and it's ultimately up to you to choose what works best. *Smile*

>>see a table with colouring books, and stacking blocks.
No need for a comma there

>>We found a couple of seats
Missing a period at the end of this

>>As he left (,) I took a deep breath and looked around.

>>Tom was talking to me (,) but I wasn't listening.

*Dragon**Bullet**Dragon**Bullet**Dragon*


Thanks for sharing this lovely story with us, and keep on writing! *Bigsmile*




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
15
15
Review of Her Self Portrait  
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: E | (4.0)

Hallo August Printing & Publishing !*Smile*
I will be reviewing your work "Her Self Portrait on behalf of "The House of Targaryen for "Game of Thrones

*Dragon2*Content:

A woman reflects on a life filled with youthful promises within the confines of a mature reality.

*Dragon2*Pluses:

*Bullet* Loved the poetic feel to it. Your language/tone is one of whimsy and flighty dreams as the reader is drawn into the thoughts of the main character. I think you did a great job with the descriptions of the settings with some beautiful imagery:

She peers into the mirror to find a reflection of a young beautiful woman. Her skin was smooth as petals and her eyes bright like stars.

*Bullet* The plot is a simple one; where the reader is taken into the thoughts of the woman as she reflects on her life. I like the assumption one gets of a young woman preparing for a dinner party, but the illusion is shattered when she gets up to close the windows and we realize she's only just recalling her youth. Despite that, there is no hint of sadness or regret, for she realizes just how happy and content she has become in her present life.

*Dragon2*Suggestions:
Here are a few things I noticed while reading. Please remember that these are only my suggestions/opinions and it's ultimately up to you to choose what works best. *Smile*

>>Candlelight dances in a mirror(')s reflection.

>>Holding her chin up high (,) she admires the shiny curls

*Dragon**Bullet**Dragon**Bullet**Dragon*


I truly enjoyed this lovely piece, and I thank you for sharing it. Keep on writing! *Bigsmile*




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
16
16
Review of Mommy Dearest  
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)

Hallo Stephanie Ferguson-WhiteWalker !*Smile*
I will be reviewing your work "Mommy Dearest on behalf of "The House of Targaryen for "Game of Thrones

*Dragon2*Content:

A mother desperately tries to hold onto the one precious thing she's got left; her daughter.

*Dragon2*Pluses:

*Bullet* This is a story that seems to be a battle of wills between a mother who can be viewed as possessive, yet alone and frightened, and a daughter who seeks to break the invisible chains that tie her to a home she feels trapped in. Though there's the illusion that Wynn cares deeply for Cassie, there's still a manipulative streak in her; the desire to keep Cassie stuck in this never-ending cycle of a life without any real growth.

*Bullet* The dialogue - what little there is -helps to illustrate the character's personalities. It allows the reader to see the depth of Wynn's paranoia, and Cassie's determination.

*Dragon2*Suggestions:
Here are a few things I noticed while reading. Please remember that these are only my suggestions/opinions and it's ultimately up to you to choose what works best. *Smile*

>>"There is nothing out there for you Cassandra." She had said
Change the period to a comma

>>"...You never know, maybe I will be a famous actress." She said
Same as above - change period to a comma

>>Wynn tried but was worried her attempts would be in vein (vain).

>>The curtains closed against the bright sunlight (and?) Wynn drew them back

>>"I'm going to miss you mom."
A little trick I learned many years ago *lol* - if the word Mom/Dad is preceded by a possessive noun, it should not be capitalized e.g: your mom or my dad. However, if it's used as a way to directly address someone, it should be capitalized. e.g: That's your Dad, isn't it?

*Dragon**Bullet**Dragon**Bullet**Dragon*


Overall, this was a rather poignant story and a pleasure to read. Thanks for sharing and keep on writing! *Smile*




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
17
17
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)

Hallo StephB - House Targaryen !*Smile*
I will be reviewing your work "Blood of the Dragon on behalf of "The House of Targaryen for "Game of Thrones

*Dragon2*Content:

After a deadly battle, Queen Daenerys returns to the castle with a gamut of emotions that can only be soothed by one man.

*Dragon2*Pluses:

Excuse me while I shriek in excitement into my pillow! *Laugh*

Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! for filling my fan girl fantasies with this lovely story! I've not watched the shows, but like I mentioned in my notebook entry, I only had interest in the two main characters - Jon Snow and Dany Targaryen - and I was pleased to find out that they were finally meeting and wowza! sparks a-flying everywhere! *Bigsmile*

I truly enjoyed your story and felt it would have happened in the show itself - because folks tend to forget that Jon's been there probably longer than a couple of weeks, and I have no doubt they've had other conversations besides what we see on T.V. (really. Some fans need to start thinking outside the box). So it's no surprise that Jon might be a little more comfortable being in Dany's presence, and his obvious concern for her in this situation was plausible.

The events preceding their meeting in the dragon pit was a trying one for the Queen, and it's good to know that she's got someone who can relate and understand her situation. Besides, she listens to him, and that's important.

I like the dialogue and you managed to capture the essence of their personalities. Ah! Wished it was a little longer though because I want more. *Laugh*

*Dragon2*Suggestions:
Here are a few things I noticed while reading. Please remember that these are only my suggestions/opinions and it's ultimately up to you to choose what works best. *Smile*

No glaring errors noted at this time.

*Dragon**Bullet**Dragon**Bullet**Dragon*


Thanks again for the great story! It was a pleasure to read. Keep on writing! *Bigsmile*



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
18
18
Review of ANZAC 2013  
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: E | (5.0)

Hallo Elle !*Smile*
I will be reviewing your work "ANZAC 2013 on behalf of "The House of Targaryen for "Game of Thrones

*Dragon2*Content:

A forum set up to celebrate ANZAC - a tribute to the military in New Zealand and Australia.

*Dragon2*Pluses:

Well, I've definitely learned something new today (and you made me go look up more about ANZAC and what it's all about). Seems like the poppy flower is the traditional plant used to remember those who lost their lives while serving in the military as evidenced by your choice of banner. It's a lovely image of poppies in a field, and there's a soothing almost peaceful ambience it creates for the visitor/writer.

You do a good job explaining the reason behind the creation of the contest - and going back to the design of the page, I like the red and green theme going (with the dividers and text) .

This is a contest to everyone and not just those who live in Australia or New Zealand. If you are able to write something that pays tribute to the military, I do believe it's acceptable.

The prizes are quite generous and there're incentives given to those who donate over a certain amount of gps. A great way to raise funds to keep the contest running.

The rules are clear and concise with winners showcased very well. There's also a link to the Kiwis on WDC group, which is a great way to see and meet either fellow hometown writers or make new ones!

*Dragon2*Suggestions:
Here are a few things I noticed while reading. Please remember that these are only my suggestions/opinions and it's ultimately up to you to choose what works best. *Smile*

Is this going to be reopened again? I think it should. (Seems like it was last opened four years ago. *Frown*

*Dragon**Bullet**Dragon**Bullet**Dragon*


This is a nice tribute/forum for the military, and I hope it kicks off again someday. Thanks for sharing and keep on writing! *Bigsmile*

19
19
Review of UPHILL BOTH WAYS!  
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: E | (4.0)

Hallo AnotherMac !*Smile*
I will be reviewing your work "UPHILL BOTH WAYS! on behalf of "The House of Targaryen for "Game of Thrones

*Dragon2*Content:

A brief article that deals with the current president's signing of a bill to help the veterans.

*Dragon2*Pluses:

Huh? When did this happen? Did I miss the grand photo-op for this bill being passed? *Think*

I'm going to try not to be cynical as I type this, but I can't help it. The hypocrisy reeks off Congress's decision to pass this bipartisan bill when I'm sure it was brought up several times in the previous administration's watch and was probably denied several times over because...well...we don't have to get into those ugly details.

I don't know if you were copying what Trump was saying during the signing of this, but I had to read what you wrote in his voice *Laugh* Yep. That's definitely him all right. Nothing is ever 'easy' though if the supposed grown-ups took the time to listen to each other, most of our problems would be just as 'easy' to solve as well, right? *Wink*

*Dragon2*Suggestions:
Here are a few things I noticed while reading. Please remember that these are only my suggestions/opinions and it's ultimately up to you to choose what works best. *Smile*

>> I notice that you have some weird A symbol laced within the article. You might want to fix that up while editing as it's a bit distracting. I think you might have just copied and pasted directly from your word document (or uploaded it that way), but yeah...try editing this again to get rid of them.

*Dragon**Bullet**Dragon**Bullet**Dragon*


Thanks for sharing this bit of history (and dare we say a win for our veterans who deserve to be treated with more care than they currently receive. Such a shame in my opinion) Keep on writing! *Smile*




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
20
20
Review of In Their Names  
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: E | (5.0)

Hallo Kenzie !*Smile*
I will be reviewing your work "In Their Names on behalf of "The House of Targaryen for "Game of Thrones

*Dragon2*Content:

An article that encourages us to celebrate the men and women in uniform no matter where they are.

*Dragon2*Pluses:

War is a touchy subject for anyone.

There are many who will argue that there's no need for such a thing, hence if there were no wars, there would be no need to send our men and women to these places to fight and lose their lives for nothing. Like you mention at the top of your article, it's what we're force-fed in the media (though I will say that there are efforts to recognize and celebrate them rather the other way around, lately).

This brings me to the article itself and what this small community has decided to do to change the narrative. Instead of focusing on the dangers of war, why not do something positive instead? Why not match up a member of the community to a military service man or woman and do a good deed in his or her honor? Not only is this a great way to celebrate their bravery, but it's a wonderful way to promote community spirit! So kudos to your hometown and their initiative. I hope this does spread nationwide and more people get involved.

*Dragon2*Suggestions:
Here are a few things I noticed while reading. Please remember that these are only my suggestions/opinions and it's ultimately up to you to choose what works best. *Smile*

No glaring error noted while reading.

*Dragon**Bullet**Dragon**Bullet**Dragon*


Thanks for sharing such an uplifting article (as well as providing more information on how to get in contact with the newspaper). Keep on writing! *Bigsmile*




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
21
21
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)

Hallo Thankful Sonali - WDC POWER! !*Smile*
I will be reviewing your work "Romantic Rejection on behalf of "The House of Targaryen for "Game of Thrones

*Dragon2*Content:

A survey that revolves around romantic rejections and its effects on the person.

*Dragon2*Pluses:

Hmmm...well these are some rather interesting questions you've got here for your newsletter, and I'm sure it's bound to have the reader thinking over this carefully before answering them.

The first question deals with the question I'm sure so many people have asked themselves over the years "Why does romantic rejection hurt?" I know this isn't the right place to answer it, but I'm sure many will go 'well..duh...it hurts because you've given a part of yourself to someone else and that - in and of itself - is not an easy thing for some to do. When that trust is trampled upon, you feel as if you've been violated in the most personal way possible. That part of you is shattered and you sometimes never recover."

I could go on with this - and answering your other questions that deal with comparing romantic rejection to professional rejection (are they the same? - short answer...nope!) Some folks get over the professional rejection much quicker than a romantic one I think.

But I'll stop here now *Laugh*

*Dragon2*Suggestions:
Here are a few things I noticed while reading. Please remember that these are only my suggestions/opinions and it's ultimately up to you to choose what works best. *Smile*

Hmmm...nothing stood out to me per se, but then again, these are just questions that one has to answer in the survey. Good thing you made a lot of room for participants to just vent.

*Dragon**Bullet**Dragon**Bullet**Dragon*


Now I'm curious to see the newsletter this was featured in! I wonder what kind of answers you received. Thanks for sharing and keep on writing! *Bigsmile*



22
22
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: E | (5.0)

Hallo ∞T of Greyjoy ~ IronBorn !*Smile*
I will be reviewing your work "Write from the Heart Poetry Contest on behalf of "The House of Targaryen for "Game of Thrones

*Dragon2*Content:

A forum created to celebrate writings in the romance genre.

*Dragon2*Pluses:

*Bullet* Well darn! If this forum just scream "fun!" all the way through, I don't know what does! *Laugh* It's such a colorful and inviting layout from the banner choices to the dividers which lure the reader/writer in. Very creative!

*Bullet* I like that the premise of the contest is set up from the start. It gives the writer an idea of what they're to expect before they even decide to tackle the subject/prompts.

*Bullet* The rules are set up well and concise - and should not leave the writer scratching their heads in confusion. The prompts and deadlines are prominent as well - a good thing as those tend to be lost in the mountain of text that's usually found in forums like these.

*Bullet* The prizes are generous with the promise of a lovely exclusive MB - that I want! *Pthb* - but then that means I have to scribble up something to qualify...oh wait! There's actually another way of earning that lovely MB, and that's to donate over 80,000gps for the cause. Nice!

*Bullet* Winners are listed and celebrated as they should be, and I'm glad you also showcase other contests similar to yours. Nice way to promote community!

*Dragon2*Suggestions:
Here are a few things I noticed while reading. Please remember that these are only my suggestions/opinions and it's ultimately up to you to choose what works best. *Smile*

No glaring errors noted.

*Dragon**Bullet**Dragon**Bullet**Dragon*


This is a bi-monthly contest, so plenty of time for writers to get their muses roaring for the next (or current round actually). Great job with this and thanks for sharing! Keep on writing! *Bigsmile*


23
23
Review of VALENTINES GRAMS!  
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: E | (5.0)

Hallo ♥PayItForward♥ !*Smile*
I will be reviewing your work "VALENTINES GRAMS! on behalf of "The House of Targaryen for "Game of Thrones

*Dragon2*Content:

A fun c-note shop that's geared toward the most romantic time of the year!

*Dragon2*Pluses:

What an adorable set of images you've got here!

The c-note shop's purpose is simple and straightforward. It's a shop specifically designed to send out c-notes to members during Valentine's day. The welcoming banner of a simple envelope with a card sticking out of it, is a welcoming sight to the visitor/customer.

And if I'm not mistaken, all proceeds from purchases do go for a good cause, so double yay! for doing good for the community and sending smiles to someone!

The images were hand-drawn you say? Whoa. That is really good! I'm envious and wish I had those skills. From the first images of teddy bears pulling a wagon full of hearts, to a bear holding onto a pink heart, a red rose, flowers and chocolate with a candle, two cute birds snuggling together and a vase of roses, these are all colorful and eye-catching. Each image has a simple greeting/text to celebrate the holiday.

The cost is quite affordable as well. Just 750 gps and it appears you can only send it to at least three people at one time. Not a bad deal!

*Dragon2*Suggestions:
Here are a few things I noticed while reading. Please remember that these are only my suggestions/opinions and it's ultimately up to you to choose what works best. *Smile*

No errors of note - though I would recommend providing a link to your 'thank-you' forum in case anyone wants to do that afterwards. *Smile*

*Dragon**Bullet**Dragon**Bullet**Dragon*


Overall, a lovely shop with the warmest of intentions. Thanks for sharing and keep on writing! *Bigsmile*


24
24
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: E | (4.0)

Hallo K.HBey !*Smile*
I will be reviewing your work "Let me know your love on behalf of "The House of Targaryen for "Game of Thrones

*Dragon2*Content:

A poem (or prose) that poses questions to an admired one in a situation that could be perceived as love unrequited.

*Dragon2*Pluses:

*Bullet* Well, I will say that this definitely 'cried out' to me while reading the poet's poignant queries. Each line almost sounds accusatory, and forces the reader to wonder just what kind of a relationship was formed between these two.

*Bullet* The imagery is well done in some parts, as one perceives the notion of a pining and desperation for the other to understand the depths of the poet's feelings. In fact, on third/fourth reading, it does come across as a misunderstanding/miscommunication of sorts. It would appear as if the poem addresses the fact that the other does not fully comprehend the depth of the poet's feelings. Perhaps actions were not expressed as well as they could have, and this poem is all he/she has to tell or convince the other.

*Dragon2*Suggestions:
Here are a few things I noticed while reading. Please remember that these are only my suggestions/opinions and it's ultimately up to you to choose what works best. *Smile*

>>As I stated earlier, I was wondering if this was supposed to be a poem or a prose. So I'm going to go for the latter. With that said, due to some punctuation errors, it was hard to get a good flow to this while reading. Some sentences could be spliced and it would still have its full meaning. For instance, your first line:

How can you understand that I need your love, need to feel your heart beats and palpitates for me and perceive in your glance the impatience to meet me.

The underlined section was slightly confusing, and I figured if you could break this into two sentences, maybe it would make more sense.

How can you understand that I need your love; need to feel your heart (which beats/which palpitates) for me? Or perceive in your glance the impatience to meet me?

Bottom line, try reading it aloud and seeing how it flows when you do so.

*Dragon**Bullet**Dragon**Bullet**Dragon*


Overall, this was an interesting piece, and I thank you for sharing it. Keep on writing! *Bigsmile*



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
25
25
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)

Hallo Elle !*Smile*
I will be reviewing your work "Matters of the Heart Forum on behalf of "The House of Targaryen for "Game of Thrones

*Dragon2*Content:

A contest created to promote writing related to the romantic genre.

*Dragon2*Pluses:

*Bullet* The set up is clear and inviting to the reader. There's a pretty banner that gives one an idea of what to expect before reading.

*Bullet* The premise for the active is laid out well; including the option of join a group related to this particular activity.

*Bullet* The incentive(s) are great and this includes a lovely MB to match the forum's banner (well worth adding to the collection methinks!)

*Bullet* The guidelines for earning said MB (and others) are well stated. One has to actively participate in various romantic-themed writing contests and I'm glad to see that they too have to post any reviews they've done to the Angel Product Review forum, so double yay! *Bigsmile*

*Bullet* Quite a 'colorful' and creative way to keep scores as well! (Almost didn't notice it until I clicked the drop down menu - but then again, I'm as blind as a bat! *Laugh* - but it's a great way to keep track of all participants and the MBs they earn along the way.

*Dragon2*Suggestions:
Here are a few things I noticed while reading. Please remember that these are only my suggestions/opinions and it's ultimately up to you to choose what works best. *Smile*

>>There are two invalid links in your instructions section.

*Dragon**Bullet**Dragon**Bullet**Dragon*


Overall, this is a fun forum and I hope more people decide to participate! Thanks for sharing and keep on writing! *Bigsmile*

816 Reviews · *Magnify*
Page of 33 · 25 per page   < >
Printed from http://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/satet