Hallo Naveed !
I will be reviewing your work "The Bride in Black" on behalf of "The House of Targaryen" for "Game of Thrones"
A young boy watches a movie and has to deal with the consequences afterwards.
Good start to the story as you set up Morty's situation to the reader. We know he's a young boy who ended up watching a movie he shouldn't have and now has to face his most terrifying fears.
You do a good job building up the suspense/tension, with the rustling sound he keeps hearing and his attempts to try to ignore them before making the decision to investigate. Those scenes never end well in movies, do they?
Morty comes across as a likeable character; his attempts at bravery showing in the little dialogue he has. There's also the injection of humor despite the dark plot. His confrontation with the 'fiend' for one thing, and the section where it takes him nearly half-an-hour to just tiptoe across the room to close the window. Nice imagery there!
Quite the scary ending indeed! Though I'm now left with even more questions, but...I'm sure this had a word limit, so you couldn't do much.
Here are a few things I noticed while reading. Please remember that these are only my suggestions/opinions and it's ultimately up to you to choose what works best.
>>It was, almost, two in the morning
No need for the commas in that phrase
>>The nine years old (nine-year-old) had watched a horror movie, not meant for nine years olds (nine-year-olds) obviously
>>He stood ready to spear anyone who dared to walk into his room.
Wondering what weapon he had to be able to 'spear' anyone. It's not made clear to the reader.
>>His heartbeat fastened.
To 'fasten' is to tie up something. I'd recommend the word 'quickened' or something else akin to that.
>>As soon as he saw the shadow of a shadowy figure making his way
Repetition. You've already mentioned the shadow, no need to do so again.
As soon as he saw the shadow making his way...
>>“I’m not going to die after all,” he thought, smiling.
When using the phrase 'thought' for a character speaking, it's not advised to use the dialogue tags (" "). Unless he's speaking out loud, then it's appropriate. So for instance:
"I'm not going to die after all," he thought out loud. OR
I'm not going to die after all, he thought with a smile.
>>as he got up to open (turn on?) the lights.
>>We (He) flicked the switch and saw his mom lying, face first (,) on the ground.
>>as opposed to her usual whit (white) one.
>>perfect for (a) wedding day had it been red or white
>>The makeup looked unusual as well, for it didn’t (make) Mom look beautiful, at all.
>>Morty trembled with fear now, for he knew what was happening now.
>>“Would you happen to have a saw, son?” Mom asked with a wide laugh.
Can laughter be quantified as being 'wide'? A smile can, yes, but for laughter - we're going more with sound. So you could try using: "Would you happen to have a saw, son?" Mom asked with a loud laugh.
As you can see, you've got quite a bit of editing to do, but otherwise, it was an interesting story with a lot of potential. Thanks for sharing and keep on writing!