You paint a good picture of what a typical avenue looks like.
I particularly liked the way you compared the trees to humans or the way you gave them human qualities.
>>standing like the soldiers
>>with green-capes on their heads
>>like the giants looking
>>at me near their feet
It does make you wonder if they truly do look at us as Man would regard an ant; insignificant and not much worth, eh?
There's also a lonesome quality about the poem that really catches your attention - at least the way you ended it. It's like walking off to the great unknown and not knowing what awaits.
If there's anything to criticize, it's that the poem did not really flow as well as I felt it could have. I couldn't give you the specifics or mechanics of it, but simply tell my gut feelings as I read. But all the same, it was an enjoyable read and a good effort.
A lone article in your portfolio? And an interesting one at that. Considering I just had the best tacos of my life a few days ago, seeing you talk/write about cilantro definitely had me clicking to check this out.
Some interesting things that caught my attention:
>>Cilantro is also known as coriander leaf or Chinese parsley. I did not know that!
>>When the plants are two inches tall, thin to allow 24" What does it mean to 'thin' a plant? Can you tell I don't have a garden yet? *lol*
>>Mulching also prevents the plants from bolting--going to seed prematurely. Very nice tip.
>>Cilantro is rich in Vitamins A, B6, E, and K. All the more reason for me to stock up on it the next time I go grocery shopping. Nice way of showcasing the different dishes it can be used in as well.
However, there were just a few things noticed while reading that you might want to edit when you have the chance (remember that these are just my opinions are you're welcome to take 'em or leave 'em):
>>Celantro(Cilantro) can also be planted in the fall.
>>if you take care to locate you(r) crop in a shaded area. I do have a query about the use of the word 'locate'. Do you mean finding a good place to plant it? If so, perhaps finding another synonym for 'plant' might work there instead of the word 'locate'. It did throw me off a little.
Overall, this was a very informative and fun little article that was a pleasure to read. Thanks for sharing this with us and I hope you continue adding more things to your portfolio.
This story caught my attention while browsing your portfolio, and I'm definitely glad I decided to check it out. Considering the tough persona we've come to know about John Wayne it was interesting to see how comedic you could make anything related to him, and it wasn't disappointing.
Don't you just loathe censorship? *lol*
It's a reminder of the way most 'bad words' are bleeped out of our favorite movies and scenes all for the sake of being politically correct nowadays. Maybe we could all take a lesson from John and deal with the FCC in that way........I kid.
My only minor complaint with this is the way you wrote out this phrase:
"Fill Your Hands you Son Of a-"
...in the middle of the person's speech/line. Considering it's not an actual title of anything, each word does not have to be capitalized. We - the reader- understand it's an important line, so there's no need to emphasize it like so.
Other than that, nice fun read. Thanks for sharing and keep on writing!
Bleak, bleaker and bleaker still, isn't it?
Not exactly the sort of brochure you wish to distribute to anyone wanting to pay a visit to Planet Earth for a vacation, is it?
Unfortunately, it is the truth in some ways (perhaps I wouldn't have used some of the stronger terms), but it's your point of view and your way of seeing things, and I can respect that.
My only suggestion is to try to be consistent with your use of capitalization. I know there are no set rules for that, but when you capitalize 'Universe' in some places and don't in others (and a few other words in there), it can be a little distracting.
Otherwise, an interesting piece to read and I thank you for sharing it. Keep on writing!
Hah, if this didn't have 'comedy' stuck on it somewhere, I would have assumed you really meant this.
I was also ready to bypass this because of the formatting and seemingly lack of editing or concern for keeping up with the 'rules' for proper writing....but I figured it went with the theme of what you were going for.
The tone of this letter fits in with those people who maintain a lackadaisical attitude towards anything related to 'Earth Day' and seem to take pleasure mocking those who show a genuine passion for conservation. Sad when you really think about it.
All the same, a nice/round-a-bout way to mock those who continue to contribute to Earth's ill health. No wonder it's retaliating with all the current events we hear in the news these days.
I applaud the passion you show in this, and there are definite points that should make the reader sit and think especially the second to the last stanza:
We sometimes forget and take granite for granted.
This is our Earth... This is really our planet!
It's us who lose when we waste and abuse.
We are our own victims. We have no excuse.
You touch on so many different topics; from what science and scientists have fed us, to what religion instills in us, to how the Earth has been good to us, and how in turn, we have not made use of it as much as we should have...at least in a good way.
However, you risk the chance of losing the reader with so many different view points that are not quite cohesive (or perhaps that was your objective). I'd also lose all the exclamation marks as it becomes a little too distracting.
All in all, a good effort and again, your passion is almost contagious as one reads. Keep on writing!
As your summary suggests, this is a poem that seems to have different meanings or layers. I don't want to read too much into it (although a part of me believes it relates to a human's growth and development over time).
I will say that the picture you've painted with your words are quite beautiful; bringing in elements of nature - from a feather to the weather change. You seem to transport the reader from the warmth of the summer to the frigid winter months.
There were just a few minor things noted:
In summer months is cold as ice
Did you mean In summer months it's cold as ice?
And saturdays it freezes twice
'Saturdays' should be capitalized.
Otherwise, quite an enjoyable piece and a pleasure to read. Thanks for sharing and keep on writing.
Format - Good spacing between paragraphs and dialogue making the story more presentable to the reader.
Content: Through the eyes of a young aboriginal child, we are privy to a long-standing tradition, only broken by the appearance of strange men to their land.
Pluses + I liked the way you started off the story with the description of the dance as something sinister and ominous in the eyes of the child. Remembering that he or she does not fully understand what's going on, that feeling of confusion and gradual knowledge is captured quite well in the story. I thought the story of the birds and how they got their colors was quite interesting, although I will admit that a part of me wondered what that really had to do with the way the story seemed to end. Perhaps it was meant to be a sign of things to come. If that was the case, I would have liked a much stronger segue way into it.
Suggestions:
Here are a few things I noticed while reading. Please remember that these are only my suggestions/opinions and it's ultimately up to you to choose what works best.
Please remember not to edit anything until winners have been announced!
>>Were the(y) fighting the spirit beast?
>>The eldest was rubbing something onto his skin, turning his skin chalky white. Repetition - the second underlined word could be replaced with 'it'. The reader still knows that its 'his skin' that's being talked about.
>>I frowned, "why don't you have paint on Should be capitalized. I frowned, "Why don't..."
>>Before she could finish her sentence I had leaped to me (my?) feet, Unless you meant to actually write that, in other words, ignore my suggestion. :)
>> I came to a stop close to him, suddenly weary(wary) again. 'weary = being tired' and 'wary = being cautious', which I think is what the narrator was feeling at the time.
>>My skin begun(began) to warm and prickle
>>and now I my mind was screaming "dangerous
>>the Rainbow Lorikeet was splashed with a so much colour
The last line really struck a chord - the appearance of the unknown and of how something seemingly innocuous ends up changing things forever. Good job all around. It was an interesting read.
Thanks for sharing and the best of luck in the contest.
Format - Good spacing between paragraphs and dialogue making the story more presentable to the reader.
Content: A man goes back to his childhood home, where memories of the past rush back to remind him of his duties for the future.
Pluses + Very attention-grabbing opening paragraph - the description of the train station and the 'sounds' that came along with it was well-written, and definitely sets the tone and mood of the story. As a visual reader, I can appreciate the author taking the time to pay attention to detail, and your story was definitely full of that. As mentioned above, the reader is able to 'see' the scenery as they're being described and we are transported to the narrator's world. Almost makes me want to book the next flight to India to see the place for myself. Dialogue helped to introduce some of the main characters and we got to know the story behind each and what they bring to the tale. I liked the strength and courage Masterjee displayed. It's clear he was well loved by his students and you were able to show that quite well.
Overall, this was a very interesting read - a heartwarming tale that reminds the reader of the value of education as well as the power of memories that can bring out the best in us.
Thanks for sharing and the best of luck to you in the contest.
Hallo Dravenkoand welcome to WDC! I will be reviewing your work Disposal
Overall Impression:
Format - Good spacing between paragraphs making the story more presentable to the reader.
Content: The narrator is forced to deal with a bad habit that nearly drives them insane.
Pluses + The opening paragraph was eye-catching enough and it shows that you have the ability to draw your reader in with the second sentence. I thought that was a very apt description. The story itself seems to be leaning one way, but the added twist at the end was quite a surprise and definitely not what I was expecting, so kudos on achieving that.
Suggestions:
Here are a few things I noticed while reading. Please remember that these are only my suggestions/opinions and it's ultimately up to you to choose what works best.
>>For the fourth straight night (,) I have been woken by the sound
>>Why he need to do this everynight? Why does he need to this every night?
>>There (was a) time when I debated whether to kick him
>>blocking (his) use during the wee hours of the
>>Startled, the one of the EMT's removed
>>The police and neigh bours were left to clean Should be one word
>>Another thing I noticed while reading is you tend to switch tenses frequently, so one isn't sure if the events are happening in the present or if it's something she's simply recounting. To learn more about shifts and how to limit them when writing, please check out: "Shifts"
>>And another thing you might want to look into his giving a little more depth with your characters and scenes. The story does work effectively, if you're going for the 'shock' elements, but it reads a bit choppy in some places and could use a little more detail.
Overall, a good attempt and an interesting read. Just a little more work needed and I have no doubt it will be a gem. Thanks for sharing and keep on writing.
Format - Quite a unique poetry format you have here, but still interesting all the same.
Content: A poem that deals with the progression of a relationship through the years.
Pluses + Permission to go 'aww' as I read this. If this doesn't tug the romantic strings in your heart, then you probably have a heart made of stone. What a lovely tribute to a loving relationship over the years. The words seem to flow off the screen as you read and there's s 'soft' feel to this, one that leaves the reader smiling long after the last word has been read. I especially enjoyed the way you bring 'writing' and 'language' into this - as love can be compared to a language all of its own that only those who have experienced it can truly understand.
You've done a fantastic job with the poem and it was truly a pleasure to read. Thanks for your submission to the contest and the best of luck!
Format - Good spacing between paragraphs making the story more presentable to the reader.
Content: A student makes up a fantastical story in regards to a homework that was not completed.
Pluses + I have to confess this had me laughing out loud as I read through it. The usual 'the dog ate my homework' seemed to take a life of its own in this very interesting and funny take. One can only hope the teacher gave the student points for being creative at least.
Suggestions:
Here are a few things I noticed while reading. Please remember that these are only my suggestions/opinions and it's ultimately up to you to choose what works best.
Please remember not to edit anything until winners have been announced!
>> I really wanted to play on the tire swing (,) but I was determined to finish my work first.
>>and nudged me with his nose and whispered. Change the period to a comma.
>> I really wanted to except(accept) his offer (,)but I told him that I couldn't.
>>Sam dropped the home work off with Be as consistent as possible with this. In some places you have the two words together, and in others you don't.
>>Good ole Nellie,she's my cow. Place a space between 'Nellie' and 'she's'
>>Nellie no sooner got the paper in her hand and(when) she was
>>friend Junior,my goat in the next field Same formatting problem. Place a space between 'Junior' and 'my'
>>Junior said he would do it (,)but as he went trotting away
>> I might add.), who just happened to be With the crossed out words, the sentence reads as a fragment and doesn't make much sense.
>>my brother grabs her collar and told her come on, you need a bath. This should be re-written to: ...my brother grabs her collar and tells her to come on, she needs a bath. You are shifting tenses. Be wary of that. If you'd like to know more about shift and how to avoid them, then check out: "Shifts"
>>happy to be able to help (,) but his nose started twitching
>>fresh smell of carrots nearby (,) and he had to go gather them for winter.
>>Heading towards the garden (,) he dropped my homework If you're wondering why I keep pointing out the importance of the comma, please check this out to give you a better explanation why: "A Guideline to Punctuation"
>>They agreed to (do?) my homework and started to read.
>>Have you ever heard of a pet flea! Question mark at the end of this.
>>Are you (,) teacher?
Overall, this was a very funny story, but as you can see, it needs a little polishing to make it even better. Thanks for submitting your entry to the contest. The best of luck with your edits and keep on writing.
Format - Good spacing between paragraphs and dialogue making the story more presentable to the reader.
Content: A woman struggles to juggle her role as a Southern hostess and an outsider - not really able to fit in.
Pluses +I must admit it took some time to really understand the situation, as the first few sentences made me think something otherwise, but eventually, we come to be in the narrator's shoes. We experience her disgust with the women she finds herself in the company of, her embarrassment, loneliness and disappointment at the way she is treated and worse, how the other 'expert' women treat those they deem less worthy. You touch on the emotions many of us feel deep down inside, when it comes to being in such public arenas, and I have no doubt that many readers will be able to relate to this.
Suggestions:
Here are a few things I noticed while reading. Please remember that these are only my suggestions/opinions and it's ultimately up to you to choose what works best.
Please remember not to edit anything until winners have been announced!
>>watching the little stabs of disapproval from one woman’s eyes to another one(')s cheap shoes.
>>Another would recognize the glance, and the knock No need for a comma there.
>>There were a few other places where punctuation could be fixed to make for a much smoother read. Some sentences were choppy and some ran on, so one wasn't sure where to begin, end or pause in the appropriate places.
Overall, this was a good read, with a conclusion that makes you feel a bit sorry for the narrator yet angry that she's willing to give in to the pressure and not make a definite stand for herself, but then again...what's to say we, the reader, wouldn't have done the same thing in her position.
Thanks for sharing and I wish you the best of luck in the contest.
Format - Good spacing between paragraphs and dialogue making the story more presentable to the reader.
Content: A young boy's dream to share the Halloween spirit with others - after a rather horrific experience in the past.
Pluses + The use of 'sound' in stories, can be a bit difficult to achieve as you aim to not only make the reader 'see' the events as they take place, but to 'hear' certain parts of the story. You've managed to achieve that with your first two paragraphs. There's a tension being built up with every shuffling foot or the clink of a glass as the narrator begins his tale. The descriptions of the characters are also well done - especially as we're seeing things through Johnny's eyes and the way he paints his mother is enough to make the reader's flesh crawl in either revulsion or pity. I have to say the ending/conclusion was a bit shocking as one wasn't expecting that. With the way you built up the story, my mind was completely assuming something different. Well done with the twist/suspense.
Suggestions:
Here are a few things I noticed while reading. Please remember that these are only my suggestions/opinions and it's ultimately up to you to choose what works best.
Please remember not to edit anything until winners have been announced!
>>John listened to his mother’s shuffling to the kitchen, Since this is the very first phrase of your story, it stood out to me. You can write this in two ways: John listened to his mother's shuffle to the kitchen, OR John listened to his mother shuffling to the kitchen, Read each out loud and see what works best for your story.
>>You don’t like that (,) do you?
>>“How about pancakes tomorrow (,) huh?
>>Whaddaya say (,) kiddo?”
>>Oh (,) John.
[Reference: "A Guideline to Punctuation" ]
>>“Well it(')s late and...”
>>He turned and reached under his bed pulling out brown paper bag. He turned and reached under his bed, pulling out a brown paper bag.
>>It(')s like another world. Remember you are trying to say 'IT IS' hence the apostrophe/contraction.
>>laughter set to the sound of adults’ talking You do not need the apostrophe after 'adults'
>>While the costumes varied, all the trick or treaters all hid behind a mask of anonymity Repetition
>>“And what you are you dressed up as sweetie?”
>>John peered at the closest door to him, there, a girl was clothed in a sheet and a red beret covered with white dots Although it later becomes evident that it's a woman asking the question before the phrase above, the section I've highlighted is still a bit confusing. What is 'there' doing in that sentence? I'd suggest getting rid of it and simply starting off with 'A girl was clothed...' as a new sentence.
>>“I’m ‘possed to be a mushroom ‘cause Unless the character deliberately drawled out the extra 's' - only one is needed. "I'm 'posed to be a mushroom..."
>> The lady held a phone to her ear in one hand and offering the bowl with the other. You either have: The lady held a phone to her ear in one hand and offered the bowl with the other. OR The lady held a phone to her ear, while offering the bowl with the other.
>>I definitely had a 'duh' moment when I read the part about 'squishing the water in this shoes' as you give no sign of any reason for that happening....until later when you mention the drizzle. Although one has to wonder if a drizzle is enough to cause that much squishing in such a short distance/time.
>>She smiled and tucked the phone into(beneath) her chin I doubt she'll want to put the phone into her flesh.
>>Come on mom please? Come on, Mom, please?
>>“Fine (,) but just that one bar and nothing
>>John’s mom rushed out at the sound his yelling, when she saw all the blood she screamed too. John's mom rushed out at the sound of his yelling, and when she saw all the blood, she screamed too. Note all the punctuation errors fixed to make this a much more cohesive sentence that flows well.
>>and he couldn’t even begin to guess the name of (the) brand.
>>the blood ooze through his fingers and dripped(drip) onto his face
Although it might look like you have a lot of work to do with the story, the plot is quite solid and it does make for a riveting tale. You've done a really good job with the characters and I almost feel that there's more to be told than what we have here. The best of luck with your edits. It was definitely an interesting read.
I knew I shouldn't have read this first thing in the morning as now my emotions are all out of whack and I'm trying not to sob here.
What a real story. Raw. Emotional. No holding back the gritty realities of war and the heartbreak it causes, not just for those left behind, but for the men themselves.
A particular section struck me - where the narrator tries desperately to make the reader feel the depth of the horrors of war. NO words can ever describe it and I have a feeling that even though we have recounts and documentaries and documents and books and so on and so forth, for those men (and women) who were there at the time, the experience is one that we will never truly understand or comprehend.
What a terrible time in our world's history and it's stories like these that help to remind the jaded folks of today that war is real. War is terrible. War is something that is inevitable, but the cost is way too high, when all is said and done.
Thanks for sharing such a magnificient story with us. It was well worth the read.
Format - Good spacing between paragraphs and dialogue making the story more presentable to the reader.
Content: A social worker, unable to have children, has to deal with them on a daily basis unfortunately. Through her pain, she comes to realize how precious a new life is and eventually comes to find her own happiness.
Pluses + One of the things that stood out to me while reading was your emphasis on the dialect and how the characters interacted with one another. I could clearly picture them in my head as I read and several lines brought a smile to my face as I could relate to how some things were said or acted out. Although this is told in story form, you still do a good job pointing out the pain of women unable to give birth and the process they have to go through when it comes to adopting or having children of their own. You also mention the state of pregnancy in the U.S especially in the States and the harsh reality of so many young women having babies out of wedlock. It's an issue that's in the forefront of many high schools in the country now, and I'm not sure if the efforts being set out today are helping much. All the same, kudos for pointing out an issue that should be dealt with soon with this tale. The conclusion - although it felt rushed - was a very nice ending for Kay.
Suggestions:
Here are a few things I noticed while reading. Please remember that these are only my suggestions/opinions and it's ultimately up to you to choose what works best.
Please remember not to edit anything until winners have been announced!
>>A bit of a 'loaded' opening paragraph, and it's one thing you want to be wary of when starting off a story - The infamous Info Dump - several thoughts and ideas all lumped into an opening that almost leaves the reader 'breathless' and not in a good way.
>>but there were limits to what an infertile woman can(could) put up with. Tense agreement
>>It was Annie, a teenage foster child she worked with who in labor. I'm not quite sure what you were trying to say here. Was Annie in labor? If so, you're missing a 'was' after 'who'
>>The problem is that that now, the adoptive
>>The words 'Mom/Mother/Momma etc.' should all be capitalized if they are not preceded by a possessive noun. In other words phrases like 'my/your/their/his/her/our momma' should be different from Momma likes to... and so on and so forth.
>>resembled a scene in (a) gory medical drama.
>>“It(')s nothing. Almost that time Also missing closing quotation marks at the end of Annie's dialogue right after this one.
>>Kay's vocabulary seems to have improved greatly during the course of the story. At the beginning, her dialect was quite strong and made her character quite entertaining, but towards the end of the story, her sentences seemed much stronger, more cohesive and less 'southern'. You might want to try to keep that consistent throughout the story.
>>I was hoping to get here before the baby came.” Were you there? Delete the quotation marks there, since the character isn't quite done speaking yet.
Overall, an interesting story and quite an informative read. However, I had the feeling you sort of rushed through this story? I might be wrong, but there were things (including those pointed above) that could be easily fixed to make it a much tighter story. Good job all the same and thanks again for your submission to the contest. I wish you the best of luck!
Format - Good spacing between paragraphs and dialogue making the story more presentable to the reader.
Content: A woman of Indian descent reveals the darker side of some young women are treated in her culture via a friendship that never came to fruition.
Pluses + Good opening paragraph. The descriptions are crisp and paint a vivid picture in the reader's eye. It's a good setup for what we're about to read and makes us eager to know more. I must admit that at first I thought the dialogue was a bit too formal, but had to quickly escape the Western mentality and consider that this is probably how discussions are held between family members especially. With that said, it was quite interesting to learn a little more about the culture through dialogue - the attention given to the customs and traditions from clothing to how visitors are regarded in stranger's homes was a nice touch. So too was the tale of this unfortunate young woman and the highlight of a custom that really should be extinct in this day and age. Pity that some refuse to accept change and prefer to keep things as they are. Again, good job with the descriptions and attention to detail. You have quite the extensive vocabulary and several lines stood out to me...and I'm not going to list them all here or it could take all day. A touching conclusion, bringing everything full circle in a way.
Suggestions:
Here are a few things I noticed while reading. Please remember that these are only my suggestions/opinions and it's ultimately up to you to choose what works best.
Please remember not to edit anything until winners have been announced!
>>Nothing major was noticed besides a few places that could use proper punctuations here and there.
Overall, a very well-written story and an enjoyable read. Thanks for the glossary at the end of the story and explaining what some of the words meant. The best of luck in the contest!
Format - Good spacing between stanzas making the poem more presentable to the reader.
Content: In honor of National Child Abuse Prevention Month, this poem deals with the harsh reality of children in broken homes.
Pluses + Forgive me if the Pantoum form leaves me confused. I really tried to understand how it goes, but I was left scratching my head and gave up *lol* I'll leave you poetry experts to it. However, I will say that the poem's message is one that should hit home for many, especially reminding us of the many children who are forced to live and survive in such abusive homes on a daily basis. It's a sad and yet chilling situation that we hope more people are made aware of, so it's reduced or eliminated altogether (we can only hope).
Overall, a well-written poem with a message that hits the heart in more ways than one. Thanks for sharing and the best of luck in the contest.
Format - Good spacing between stanzas making the poem more presentable to the reader.
Content: An acrostic poem that talks about 'freedom' in a most colorful way.
Pluses + Very well done with the acrostic challenge you set for yourself with this piece. The use of colors was wonderful and you definitely give nature and its beauty a whole new sense of wonder as one reads through the poem. There's a feeling of peace and beauty - a somewhat surreal atmosphere with a blend of fantasy, and yet the hint that this is indeed the world we live in, if we only opened our eyes a little wider to experience it at its fullest.
Suggestions:
Here are a few things I noticed while reading. Please remember that these are only my suggestions/opinions and it's ultimately up to you to choose what works best.
Please remember not to edit anything until winners have been announced!
>>In the last stanza, these two were noticed:
>>Miraculously I(')m standing on a hill
>>carring(carrying?) rattles with flags of all countries
Overall, this was a lovely poem and a pleasure to read. Much thanks for sharing it with us and the best of luck in the contest.
Format - To be honest, I'm not quite sure if it's a prose or a poem, but I think I'm going to settle for the latter, due to the way it flowed while reading.
Content: The poet attempts to rekindle a broken relationship in an 'unusual' way.
Pluses + I must say kudos for the originality of this. Comparing the relationship to a movie scene or script being written, does allow the reader to get an insight into what kind of a couple this is, and how things must have ended.
Suggestions:
Here are a few things I noticed while reading. Please remember that these are only my suggestions/opinions and it's ultimately up to you to choose what works best.
>>I know there's no set rule when it comes to using punctuation in poetry and there are some pieces that definitely read well without them, however, I must confess that I was unable to know when to 'pause' while reading, and everything felt rushed in a way. It might have been the effect you were looking for, but all the same, I think it would be much tighter with those in place.
Please remember not to edit anything until winners have been announced!
Overall, a good poem and quite an enjoyable read. Thanks for your submission to the contest and the best of luck to you.
Format - Good spacing between stanzas making the poem more presentable to the reader.
Content: A parent shares the joys and sorrows of raising children.
Pluses + What a stirring piece and one that should hit home especially for parents who are trying to raise their kids the best way they know how. Although the lines seem 'simple', each is packed with emotional depth that tugs at the heart. You're able to convey the poet's sense of initial wonder and marvel at new life, until the rather sad ending (and we are left to wonder just what must have really happened to them).
No errors were noticed, and I'm not even going to begin to attempt to figure out if you were trying to go for a certain rhyming scheme or not. I will say that the repetition of the last line for most of the stanzas was quite effective and drilled the message home.
Thanks for sharing this poignant piece and the best of luck in the contest.
Format - Good spacing between paragraphs and dialogue making the story more presentable to the reader. Word Count stated.
Content: In a war-torn nation, a dying soldier is saved by the enemy, thanks to a life-saving deed done in the past.
Pluses + See below for my points about your opening paragraph. Good job introducing his mother in the next paragraph. Through Singh's descriptions, we can imagine what she must have looked like and how she acted. Although a situation one would rather not want to read about, you do a good job with the surprise attack during the battle. You could almost hear the gunshots and chaos that happened around the main character. Definitely an interesting take on the prompt given. I like the fact that you base this on a war that happened (still happens) in the world today, and the fact that it's within a nation, makes the situation even sadder. Thanks for using the popup notes to explain a few phrases and words that might have been confusing to the reader. I always enjoy the 'flavor' such things add to a story.
Suggestions:
Here are a few things I noticed while reading. Please remember that these are only my suggestions/opinions and it's ultimately up to you to choose what works best.
Please remember not to edit anything until winners have been announced!
>>Although you had an opening paragraph that's bound to have readers curious to know more about the character and why he got to that point, it still read a bit cumbersome to me. There were one or two sentence structures that threw me off while reading and did not flow as smoothly as I would have liked. I'd suggest eliminating a few extra 'hads' or 'the' in the paragraph.
>>Another thing noticed is the penchant to switch tenses (or shift) sometimes in the same sentence, so it becomes a little confusing to the reader. Take for instance:
them had opened the front door of an abandoned farm house and come face to face with the enemy.
I just took out a snippet of the entire thing, but you began with the past tense and then used the word 'come' instead of 'came'. Try to be as consistent as you can with this, so the reader is given a good idea of the timeline and when the events are actually taking place.
>>"How dare you fire at my brother?" the soldier had asked with disdain as he had lowered the gun a short way to release the lock. [Many other parts of your story had sentences like this that could easily do away with the 'had's]
Overall, this was a very interesting story, but as I mentioned earlier, was a bit heavy on the word usage. Some sentences could have been made shorter and a little more focus on dialogue would have been nice (although what was read was quite touching). Thanks for your submission to the contest and the best of luck to you.
Uumm...wow, what can I say about this survey/application of doom?
I'd fill it, but my minions are currently sipping something beveragy on a beach in Tijuana, so they cannot respond at this time.
However, this was a very, VERY, clever and entertaining item to read. I'm wondering if anyone has actually taken the time to fill everything out, but it should be interesting to see whatever results you get.
Thanks for sharing. This was creative and methinks you'll be leading a whole slew of SHREWD members soon enough. *lol* Thanks for sharing and good luck in the contest.
I'm not sure if you're still working on this, as there were several collections that were not complete. I'd have recommended you wait until you were completely done before submitting your entry to the contest.
The images you chose were great overall, and I liked the quotes used on some of the images, especially for the Writer's Block Aid (with the rainbow dog) and the flowers in the 'Cheer Someone Up' collection.
However, go back to your images (where they are saved) and make sure you give them ratings that will make them visible in the c-note shop themselves. As it stands, you have several images in the 'Quotes, Quotes, Quotes' section that aren't showing up at all. And in the 'Cheer Someone Up' collection, you have a repeated image and one not showing up either.
My recommendation? Work a bit more on these, complete them and resend your folder back to the contest for the next round. There's always a chance for you to win, if you take the time to work on it.
Thanks for sharing all the same, and the best of luck to you.
Hallo Sammy! I will be reviewing your work Iron Horse
Overall Impression:
Format - Good spacing between paragraphs and dialogue making the story more presentable to the reader.
Content: An abused woman finally comes to terms with the life she's been living and makes a decision to meet the most unlikeliest of rescuers, for life anew.
Pluses: Good set up with the opening paragraph. I like the 'gritty' feel of the scene or maybe it's just the setting, but either way, it leaves the reader curious to know more about this woman and what she's doing in such a place. Great job with the description of the main character, especially that restroom scene. The reader identifies with her a bit more and just might see themselves in every little thing that she does. Well cripes, here I was thinking she was about to get into some trouble with this new guy and he turns out to be completely different. What a way to let the reader know that we cannot judge a person by their physical appearance. This could almost be seen as a love story...in a twisted and wacky sort of way.
Suggestions:
Here are a few things I noticed while reading. Please remember that these are only my suggestions/opinions and it's ultimately up to you to choose what works best.
>>making a good show of stretching and flexing outside his mustang. 'Mustang' is a brand name, so it should be capitalized.
>>Straightening (,) she shook the excess water from her hands Comma after introductory phrase of sentence. Several other sentences had this problem, so instead of me pasting them all here, just try to catch them when editing.
>>as the lights played across the big rig(')s sleeper
>>“Iron Horse Sir?” Is the whole thing what he's called? If not, 'sir' should not be capitalized, and there should be a comma after 'horse'.
>>“Please do not concern yourself with the likes of her, Sir.” The manager Change the period after 'sir' to a comma. Also, 'the' should not be capitalized.
>>She was clearly uh…soliciting.” The manager
>>own meal this time.” Dan muttered, Same as above. In fact, I notice that all your dialogue tags have this problem. Remember that dialogue always ends with a comma especially if the phrase afterward directly relates to the words spoken.
>>“Assume what you want, Boy Why is 'boy' capitalized here and not in the previous place it's mentioned? Might want to maintain some consistency with this.
>>It’s ok, baby. Come Missing the opening quotation marks to this dialogue.
>>“It’s OK (,) baby. Again with consistency. Unless he actually raised his voice when saying 'OK' it shouldn't be capitalized.
The conclusion brought a smile to my face, even though a tiny bit of me still wonders how a woman in that much of a physical and mental state could really handle being with a man that 'quickly'. But even though this is 'fiction', one can only hope for the best. Thanks for sharing this rather touching tale and I wish you the best of luck in the contest. Keep on writing!
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Format -
Very attention-grabbing opening paragraph - the description of the train station and the 'sounds' that came along with it was well-written, and definitely sets the tone and mood of the story.
As a visual reader, I can appreciate the author taking the time to pay attention to detail, and your story was definitely full of that. As mentioned above, the reader is able to 'see' the scenery as they're being described and we are transported to the narrator's world. Almost makes me want to book the next flight to India to see the place for myself. 
Dialogue helped to introduce some of the main characters and we got to know the story behind each and what they bring to the tale. I liked the strength and courage Masterjee displayed. It's clear he was well loved by his students and you were able to show that quite well. 
The use of 'sound' in stories, can be a bit difficult to achieve as you aim to not only make the reader 'see' the events as they take place, but to 'hear' certain parts of the story. You've managed to achieve that with your first two paragraphs. There's a tension being built up with every shuffling foot or the clink of a glass as the narrator begins his tale.
Again, good job with the descriptions and attention to detail. You have quite the extensive vocabulary and several lines stood out to me...and I'm not going to list them all here or it could take all day. 
A touching conclusion, bringing everything full circle in a way. 
