I think this is a good entry for the book you were making. I had no idea Avril was still writing and performing songs.
So I don't have a whole lot of feedback. The video embedded worked and the entry fit the activity it was written for. The words you used to describe the song matched what I saw in the video.
There weren't any grammar or spelling errors. I found the use of emoticons in the entry to enhance the writing refreshing. I haven't read many items that do that.
I liked the story. The beginning really puts the reader into the action. And, despite past Nathan's arrogance, I am glad he was able to learn from his mistakes.
Just a few minor things stood out to me. I'm not sure how space travel works in Nathan's timeline but ten million light years is a long trip. It currently takes seven months to get a ship to Mars. Even if wormholes exist, are they natural and how does Nathan keep them stable?
I'm not sure I've heard the word subduction used when it's not in reference to plate tectonics. But all said and done this was a good sci-fi piece.
I liked how you broke the narrative down into smaller chunks. It made it flow better.
That power the fire bearers had sounds like a terrifying burden. I halfway thought that Phil would destroy himself trying to master his ability. I liked the slow build showing how Phil got his power from his dad, then read about his other family member's experiences, finally mastering his ability when he most needed to.
I didn't find any spelling or grammar mistakes. The pacing was really good. Thank you for allowing me to review your story.
This girl has been through a whole lot! She had a lot of courage to get away. And I really cared about what happened to the character.
I loved the climatic action and I'm glad Ken got arrested. I also liked that you included a plug for the National Human Trafficking Hotline at the very bottom. That global problem is one that needs awareness. Too many people loose their lives to that vile institution.
You captured the details of the first two months pretty well. I am guessing Beth is pretty skinny. Most women don't start to show until after their fifteenth week. Other than that, no issues with the character she was relatable even though I haven't been in her exact situation.
I do have one or two minor things that could be adjusted. Cocaine mainly comes from the leaves of the Coca plant. Heroin is an opioid derived from morphine, which originally came from the poppy plant. Was Beth addicted to both? Because you mention heroin as her drug of choice in one of the first paragraphs. Then in later paragraphs and conversations with her pimp it's crack/cocaine she had been using. If it's both then feel free to ignore me.
The other thing was you kept calling them clients. Prostitutes or pimps usually refer to their customers as Johns. At least in the nineties and early two thousands.
Other than those two very minor things, I liked your story! It's a good read and I feel like you did a great job.
I read this intro to a novel you wrote. You did write a great description of Henry. I do wonder what his nightmare is about. I assume you plan to reveal that in a later part of the novel.
Interesting...it's a sentence. So you met the criteria for the prompt. It does peak my curiosity and leaves me wondering what was yellow and brave? Was it some sort of animal like a golden retriever, or a canary? Was it a construction vehicle? Or maybe a knight with a yellow crest? Or a dandelion?
Sorry I'll stop, you probably didn't mean to make this into a riddle or a guessing game. I do have a suggestion, if you get the opportunity I think you could make this into an opening line to a longer work. Good job; keep writing!
This poem is exactly what I needed right now. It's short and to the point. Made me feel energized to take controll of life. Although I don't think I can find its wotsits.
Love the illustration with the French caption beneath a cheese curl. It translates easily without the aid of Google.
You produced some interesting pieces during your time here. This is an interesting perspective on using AI. I didn't find any mistakes with it.
The examples you gave of AI generated writing were fascinating. I guess a lot of people would have trouble telling the difference between these and an amateur author.
On a side note, Maxgriffin is thinking of doing a Newsletter for Authors about this topic and copyright issues. But I think you may have linked that note in your work already.
This is an interesting entry. I have no idea what the prompt was so I can't say you didn't answer the prompt. There are some technical issues I would like to point out.
I was under the impression that acronyms such as GPS were always capitalized. So you might want to do so in this entry.
Also the parentheticals you included bothered me. Not only were they not punctuated correctly, the first one seemed superfluous and the second one was very disapproving. It does not seem necessary to point out that WDC is something besides God. Frankly I find it a little rude to single out the website you are submitting this piece on. The first parenthetical would have been better punctuated with an emdash. You can do this by using the WML command {emdash} which inserts a long dash between the next words and the rest of the sentence. Just remember to put another {emdash} at the end of your aside if you choose to continue the sentence.
You did have some unnecessary details in this entry. Was it important to your main point that your daughter was in the car or that you talk hands free? If it isn't consider not including these details in your narrative.
Thats all the feedback I have for you. This has potential to be a decent piece of proselyting. If you do some editing.
This poem highlights dance's ability to express feelings. It's something that I had forgotten. I like the line about "dance when you're sorrowful" a refreshing reminder that this physical art form is not always about joy and love. In all fairness I'm not sure I can find a way to improve this piece. It's wonderful and inspiring it makes me want to go design my own dance moves. Thank you for writing this poem.
These Drabbles paint a vivid scene of bush fire season in Australia. I like how the final one puts a twist on things. No one expects the fire fighter to start a fire.(Unless you know the kind of fire fighter I know. My husband was a fire bug and firefighter for his town. Thats not relevant though. Moving on!)
I don't think it matters but in the third Drabble, one of the double quotes is facing the wrong direction. It's a minor detail you don't have to fix.
Including the prompt at the top is probably a good idea. I've had a few of my Drabbles reviewed by people who are not participating in severed head 's activity. They get confused on why I leave out details in the story. Including the prompt clarifies what form you were aiming for.
Maybe it's just because I'm terrible at geography but you mention Rocky Hills in the first Drabble. In the second there's a meeting at Parkerville Tavern. Oh wait, never mind it is the same area. I just got mixed up by the place name in the tavern's name.
Thats all the feed back I have for you. Good luck with the next two weeks.
I have never heard of a septolet...and neither had my spell check till I was today years old. Thank you for including a definition. Moving on.
I like how the two opposites kind build the image. It makes an image in my mind like crossing a threshold of non existence to being fully alive.
I am curious about the phrase at the end "All is Well". I assume it is part of the prompt that lead to this poem. Is there a reason to capitalize the words All and Well? Is it a song title or is there some higher meaning encapsulated in this mantra? (Sorry, ran out of synonyms for words.)
The image of the male cardinal sitting on a snowy branch that accompanies this poem is interesting. It definitely grabs one's attention.
I don't see spelling errors and the poem follows the rules for the form used. I don't think grammar and poetry ever mix, but I could be wrong. Anyways nothing needs fixing. This is a satisfying read even though I'm not sure what it means.(I've merely included my perceptions. If I'm wrong, please ignore me.)
I love the way you describe walnuts in this poem. I never thought of them as having faces. My favorite two stanzas are the last two that make the nuts sound like wizards. It really made me chuckle.
The last two lines are also the only two that seem to rhyme. If I had to say a rhyme scheme it would be 'abcd efgg'. That doesn't fit a form of poem I know, thats okay though.
I think you definitely followed the rule about only using eight lines in your poem. Thats good. I can't see any problems with this poem. Good work.
My first thought when I read this is "gosh the narrator sounds like a truly awful person." Then you put someone's name that rhymes with grump in there and it all made sense.
I'm not sure I would've gone and put a living politician into a story with the prompt do you know who I am? Especially after I read severed head 's blog entry on including real people in a published work. It's a bit of a gray area legally. Yes "the grump" is a public figure and has been in the public eye since at least the 1990s, still the possibility of a libel lawsuit would scare me to death.
I think there were other safer options such as making it about an elderly person with dementia or someone with amnesia asking do you know who I am? Yes it's sadder and there are probably other risks but as long as it is not a real person, lawsuits aren't as much of a possibility.
Moving on, there weren't any glaring grammar or spelling errors. Thank you for giving me something short to read. Good luck in the activity you entered this in.
These sound like some good goals you set for yourself. You have used a lot of ML to enhance your writing. For the most part it works but the smiley face, while emotive, is a little distracting.
Your writing about your goals and why you chose them was clear and easy to follow. Thank you for sharing a bit of yourself through this piece.
This poem isn't a bad one. It meets the requirements of the activity it was written for.
That said there are some things I find irksome about this poem.
The body of the poem is all in lowercase. I've mostly seen poems that capitalize the first letter of every line.
I don't know if thats mandatory but breaking that tradition feels odd.
I don't think I'm familiar with the style this poem is written in. It appears to be a single stanza of thirteen lines. No rhyming scheme, I couldn't find a rhythm to the words. The poem focuses on the apparent constance of the sun and the inconsistency of...well whomever or whatever 'we' is.
I assume 'we' might be used to refer to people in general or the planet. The writing doesn't specify. It might not matter but I find it confusing.
One thing I did like was that you included a drop note with the prompt and requirement for the activity you wrote for. It made it easier to understand where the subject and length of this poem came from.
Something I think would have improved this work is some verbal imagery related to the sun. You could've talked about solar winds turbulently lashing out. Or how rising or setting is just a matter of perception.
Still I admire your courage in responding to a one word prompt. Good luck with your future poems.
I like this but I feel like Cailou and Cocomellon should also be added to this list. My niece watches Cocomellon songs ad nauseam. The only way I get through the "Daddy Finger" song is to imagine the time Mr. Rodgers accidentally flipped off a whole bunch of children while singing his rendition of that song.
Anyways on that note I would like to suggest a write in option for this survey. Otherwise good survey.
The only bit of feedback is that I wish we could see what the right answers were. After the quiz completed I admit I was curious what the answers were to the questions I missed. If it's not possible, then don't worry about it.
I think I've read that poem and seen it reprinted on various household goods. Gonna try and give what constructive feedback I can in this review.
The contest asks for a prompt. You have answered this contests challenge but I think this could be clearer.
Your prompt is a leading question. Something with a yes or no answer. It does not ask for elaboration or an essay or a story based off the prompt. I feel like most writers might have trouble writing in response.
This is regardless of whether the author is christian or not. You haven't even hinted on whether you're after an essay or a poem. Maybe after asking if the reader has heard of the poem Footprints in The Sand, you could define the parameters of this prompt.
It's nice that you pray for Jesus to carry you. However in terms of what the contest is asking for, it feels unnecessary to add it at the end of your entry.
To quote the book of Mathew "your Father who sees in secret will reward you openly." So I don't think the phrase at the end adds anything to the prompt. God sees you. He doesn't need you showing everyone else how pious you are.
Sorry I ripped you a new one. This is just my opinion.
I can't point anything out to improve. I'm using this review as an opportunity to tell you how reading this piece made me feel.
My mom died from complications due to stage 4 ovarian cancer. It was 2020 and I lived in one of the "hotzones" on the east coast. As a result, I wasn't able to say goodbye in person.
Reading this essay about how hospice helped you psychologically and physically prepare for your father's passing brought back those memories. Yet it was refreshing to read the perspective of someone else who experienced something similar. Thank you for sharing.
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