 Enjoy Convention 2005!!!
This is very heart-wrenching. I am glad I never had to make that decision with any of my horses. See "Invalid Item"  for more information on my reviewing techniques.
Basic Structure – 3.5 of 5 stars
 Correct Item. – This is correctly listed as a short story. I would add three genres to make it more available to readers. Some suggestions include 'animal, friendship, drama, emotional, young adult, children's, death'
Title & Description. – Your title fits the piece. Your brief description manages to arouse interest, but I would consider relating it slightly more to the piece.
Spacing. –
Jack has gone down, as you can see,
and I don't know what to do! You don't need a line break here
I don't think there is anything we can do,
except stay out of the way Nor here
Lisa says as
she kneels nor here
I'm so happy that you
can stand. nor here
Dialogue. – You misformat your dialogue tags. See "Invalid Item" , the mini-rant on dialogue, for assistance.
Punctuation. –
Unfortunately, to add to her growing fear every attempt comma after 'fear'
Spelling. –
quick sand quicksand
stretched to it's limit its
it's luster its; it's = it is
I assume the italicized segments were prompts for a contest – I think I even remember that contest – but since it is over, I would suggest unitalicizing them so they fit more smoothly into the story.
Intermediate Structure – 2.75 of 5 stars
What You Did Right– I didn't find any run-on sentences or fragments to mar the piece. Your sentences built comprehensive paragraphs that stayed on-topic, and you did a good job of moving between paragraphs for a cohesive piece.
Sentence construction. – Your sentences tend to be very long and hard to follow. When you reformat your dialogue tags, you will see that they are part of the previous sentence, but you have made them stand-alone pieces. This makes for extremely long sentences. For instance, "I don't like meat," she said is one sentence. Yours, however, meander like this: Can't even find our footing and in your day you were the most sure-footed horse of them all!" She exclaims with a loving tone as she gives the horse a fond pat on his neck. Although you have broken this into two with your formatting, it really is supposed to be one sentence. So watch your dialogue tag sentences especially. Also, for action sequences, like when the horse struggles to stand, consider cutting them down and making them short, less wordy. See "Invalid Entry" for details on sentence structure during action sequences. You also use a lot of repetition:
A rider fights the mud which clings to her boots and which forces her to sink into the soft earth. the double 'which' is awkward
the rider smiles at her horse and prays that he wasn't up to his old antics of having her chase him. I think 'wasn't' is a bit awkward her; perhaps 'isn't' ? I'm not as good at stories in the present tense 
She pleads to her horse wouldn't 'pleads with' sound better?
the unstable ground grabs their feet and then gives them no traction whatsoever If the ground grabbed (or gripped) their feet, they would have traction.
he was steadily falling sideways. I don't think 'steadily' is the right adverb to use here; you don't fall 'steadily'
She stands over her horse and listens as Linda's footsteps disappear and all which she hears is Jack's labored breathing. This is a long and awkward sentence. With all the 'and's, it is hard to follow what is happening.
his once brilliantly shining coat now lost most of it's luster. I think you need had now lost
she feels her horse's muzzle on her neck and his whiskers tickling the nape of her neck. Repetition
Lisa feels Jack's body tensing and she stands to move away from the gelding's body. Repetition
She only hoped that he could look for the strength that's Inside Us All and find his strength to stand again. Repetition; also, I think it should be the strength to stand again or find his strength again
Paragraph construction. –
Her eyes remain on her destination, a small muddy paddock with a lone gelding standing peacefully with his head down. He munches softly on his hay and doesn't raise his head to meet her eyes Repetition
to lift his foot. Several seconds pass and the gelding stands in the aisle way and doesn't even attempt to lift his leg. Repetition; you repeat 'lift' in the next paragraph, as well.
Progressiveness of Story. –
Your dialogue tags tend to vary, which calls a lot of attention to them. You only use 'say' (or 'said') one time out of all of the tags. I would use it more than 'plead, state, or exclaim'; use the others sparingly.
She breathes a sigh of relief Since Lisa called for Linda, 'she' could be either woman; same here Lisa rushes to the woman as she takes a deep breath to steady herself so that she could speak clearly.
How can I help him?" Lisa asked you slip into past tense here, with 'asked'
She only hoped same here with 'hoped'
Content – 7.75 of 10 stars
Plot Strength. – I thought this story was very interesting, but maybe it was just the horses. As many horses as I've had – my mom was an endurance rider, so we had Arabians – we only had one horse from the time I was little. He was my mom's, but she sold him while I was at college; very sad. We only had to put one horse down, ever, and that was his father, but it was because he was accidentally shot by some 'hunters' (fishy story).
Anyway, plot. It certainly captured my interest; I can relate to it. I thought you did a good job of conveying the emotion. What I felt could use some development was the actual action of the horse trying – and failing – to stand. I think part of that was the aforementioned sentence structure, but you could use some more details – like that wide-eyed, scared horse look they get when they are scrambling for purchase (not even sure I can describe it, LOL). I think you did a good job of hooking us emotionally to the piece, but I felt some of the details – like how long she'd had the horse – could have been fit in more smoothly earlier.
Character definition. – I think you did a good job of showing us Lisa's reactions, but I'd like to see more of her as a character. I think you can sketch her out a bit more, particularly before and after. Also, if you add some more action exchanges to the standing segment, I think that will reveal a lot about her. Finally, I suggest renaming one of your characters. A Lisa and a Linda is just too confusing.
Language. – The use of the present tense was really hard to follow, mostly because it is unfamiliar. I'm not sure why you chose to tell the story that way, and I'm not sure it really adds anything to it. Part of the disruption was your tendency to make several things happen at once – in one sentence – which was even harder to follow. I think if you are going to use the present tense, it is especially important to keep your sentences short because folks aren't used to reading that way. Also, make sure you are consistant.
Watch out for overusing adverbs, which weaken the writer. Such as here: He wearily walks to his rider. He patiently stands waiting for her to snap the halter on his head, and willingly follows her through the mud. Also, the repetition of form (adverb+verb, adverb+verb) is distracting.
Reaction. – This was very emotional, and I liked the conclusion. I think if you streamlined it somewhat, it could be a fantastic read.
Flow – 2.75 of 5 stars
Sentence flow. – Your sentences, as I said, are a bit long and jerky and hard to follow. Trim them down, especially when you have lots of things happening.
Paragraph flow. – Your paragraphs were pretty smooth; you tended to stay on-topic through most of them. The actual falling paragraph is a little difficult to visualize; I think you need to go back and rework it. Otherwise, pretty smooth.
Progression. – The movement through the story is a little bit choppy. You go back and forth with the talking, and sometimes it is hard to determine what is happening.
Overall: This is an emotional piece, with quite a bit of drama. I think it has some fantastic potential.
3 suggestions for improvement:
Suggestion #3 – Watch out for repetition
Suggestion #2 – Rework the falling paragraph; there are too many things happening at once
Suggestion #1 – Cut down on the sentence structure, especially in the action sequences
Star Total: 16.75/25
Averaged: 3.35
Rounded: 3.5
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However, it was a very good article, and it made me chuckle.